50 Unsightly Celebrity Moles

By Rob Bricken in Daily Lists
Tuesday, January 8, 2008 at 7:53 am

30) Val Kilmer
An oft-overlooked species that resides neatly on the squarest side of his jaw. Some of this Willow star’s female fans might indeed start weeping when they peep this sucker.

29) Jason Schwartzman

Schwartzmann’s particularly dark, presumably rather fuzzy facial accompaniments only enhanced his nerdy, Rushmore image. But now, with more adult roles in period pieces like Marie Antoinette, the alt-actor/wannabe rock star might consider going heavier on the blush.

28) Mandy Moore

So many men keep telling themselves how hot and grown up Moore looked in Entourage. And then they remember they’re superficial weirdos, and therefore, they can’t see through a single brown bubble beside her nose to the otherwise potent combo of adolescent perkiness and buxom adult beauty.

27) Sherilyn Fenn

No wonder Julian Sands boxed Helena and dismembered her. When he called the escort service, he asked for a flawless brunette with porcelain skin. Not some dark-haired Marilyn Monroe wanna-be best known for her work in Just One Of The Guys.

26) Scarlett Johansson

Ever since Britney popped out 37 kids and started flashing her bald vagina, Johansson has become Hollywood’s most anticipated nip slip. What can be obscured amidst the endless cleavage, however, is a series of small, seemingly quite furry friends lacing across her left cheek. And not her butt cheek, which we’re all quite familiar with after the opening scene of Lost In Translation.

25) Natalie Portman
Long Island-by-way-of-Israel’s finest is the first Star Wars participant on this list, and another archetypal example of where an unsightly mole somehow equates to an aura of beyond-her-years sophistication. In reality, she’s getting a better chance of killing erections than Stormtroopers with that thing on her cheek.

24) Goldie Hawn

It would certainly be going, er, overboard to say Goldie’s a preciously perfect La-La land legend. As if kissing her wasn’t hard enough for Kurt Russell with all the collagen, there’s the small matter of a rather large congenital spot on her upper lip.

23) Elizabeth Taylor

Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf? Or at least that round, hairy patch howling from the left side of her face? All good-hearted people.

22) Jessica Simpson

All the Proactive in the world can’t get rid of that mole on your chin, honey.

21) Sheryl Crow

Hard to say whether Crow was more turned off by Lance Armstrong’s lone testicle or he by the singer’s corner-mouth crater. But our instinct tells us it was an amicable split.

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