Case 1: Despite the Knight Rider TV movie being incompetent beyond measure in all facets (acting, writing, effects, writing, writing, writing), NBC has gone ahead and ordered an unknown number of TV episodes, starring the same less charismatic, faux-Dane Cook who shrugged his way through the TV movie. I think this is an act of aggression by NBC to its viewers, and frankly, would be willing to talk about countermeasures.

Case 2: I saw the above Knight Rider news in an article at the Hollywood Reporter, where I also saw this, which leads me to believe NBC is both mean and dumb. See, NBC has ordered a show titled Kings, starring Ian McShane. Now get this:

The Michael Green-penned "Kings" is loosely based on the story of King David. It stars Christopher Egan as a pure-hearted young warrior who joins the court of the charismatic and authoritative King Silas (McShane).

I'm no vastly overpaid TV exec, but I'm pretty goddamned sure America is not and has not been looking for a TV show about King David. Who approved this? Who the living hell thinks this will be on for more than two weeks? Why not a show on the wacky adventures of Job, as he tries to deal with family life at the birth of civilization, while God afflicts him with ever curse and tragedy known to man to see when he'll break! Starring Ray Romano as Job! Sigh.

Entertainment Earth just updated a truckload of new Star Wars toys, including some Mighty Muggs I didn't see at the New York Toy Fair.

Wave 3 includes the phenomenal Lando, along with a pretty snazzy Leia for him to mack on, and a totally boring Jango and Clone Trooper.

Wave 4 has an awesome Bespin Luke with pink-eye, a so-so Grievous and Emperor, and a shockingly intimidating Yoday. Seriously, with his smug, aggressive look and huge head, I'm genuinely worried he's going to sexually assault me or something. And get away with it. You can pre-order each set of four for $50 over here, along with rather disappointingly tame maquettes of animated-style Darth Maul and old Obi-Kenobi.

U.S. anime convention Otakon is doing what no con has done for about 25 years—getting its own anime made for the show. The last time this happened, it was 1984 or so in Japan, when the Daicon sci-fi convention (which, being in Japan, included a great deal of anime) had a bunch of crazy kids make the above video, set to E.L.O.'s song "Twilight;" those crazy kids would grow up to form studio Gainax. Otakon, meanwhile, has hired Madhouse and the director of xxxHolic to make the 90-second short, which will feature Otakon's generic anime-esque mascots. I'm genuinely impressed! And amused, since while Otakon (run by and for fans) has enough money to order their own anime, real U.S. anime companies are losing money had over fist. Wacky! (Via ANN)

Yes, just as Henry belittled his son Indiana, it seems Indiana Jones is powerless to not equally mock Shia The Beef for his stupidity and lack of experience. And one day, Shia will do the same thing to his kid. Circle of Life, people. Anyways, other than this chain of emotional abuse, there's not much new in this TV spot.

As much as I may preemptively hate the live-action G.I. Joe movie, I suppose I have it to thank for the plethora of awesome, old-school G.I. Joe figures, and these recently announced vehicles (which were always the most awesome part of the Joe toy line). Oh, and the 25th anniversary of the toy line. It actually probably has nothing to do with the movie at all. Good. Anyways, according to ToyNewsI, the first wave of vehicles toys include:

• Vamp Jeep w/Clutch

• Hiss Tank w/Rip-It

More after the jump!

I've literally watched the above video about 50 times over the weekend, and, although I don't want to have an ego about it, I'm pretty sure this is a birthday present to me directly from heaven, as it fills me with so much personal delight. I mean, besides the metal itself, there's a guest appearance by Beta Ray Bill and Thunderstrike. Thunderstrike! Which does make this the coolest thing Thunderstrike has ever been a part of. (Via Gorilla Mask)

By Todd Ciolek

Admit it: you sometimes skip to the deleted scenes when you first pop in that DVD. Sure, there’s an entire movie to be watched, but it can’t compare to the mystique of the stuff that didn’t make it in, the stuff that would be locked forever in film vaults if studios weren’t so desperate to pad out DVD “special editions.”

Well, some scenes are still lost to us DVD-buying peons. That’s often for good reason, but we’ve dug up ten that stir a certain fascination, morbid or otherwise, in our inner film nerd.

It's my birthday this weekend, so I wanted to sign off with the only way I know how to party—surrounded by excited, furry little men. Yub yub, everybody! See you Monday.

• Let's start with the movie that has the least potential to suck: Jerry Bruckheimer's Lone Ranger remake. Admittedly, Bruckheimer has made a lot of shit in his career ( a lot), but he's hired Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, writers of Pirates of the Caribbean, to write this film, too. But they've already announced they're going to add a Catherine-Zeta-Jones-in-Zorro love interest into the story, so...yeah. (Beyond Hollywood)

• I know some of you didn't think Transformers was awful, but you're wrong. Anyways, some Decepticon-logo-ed police cars have shown up in Culver City, which you might recognize as the evil Barricade. Please note that the script for Transformers 2 has not been written yet; however, it's not like director Michael Bay has ever let reality or common sense intrude on his film-making. More pics here. (Pics from InternetBusinessDaily.net)

• Last and certainly least, the Tekken movie—which I'd forgotten about existing—announced today that it has wrapped filming, in the cinematic hotbed that is Shreveport, Louisiana (I'm not making this up). The movie stars absolutely no one, and will be absolutely terrible. (Kung Fu Cinema)

BONUS: This new Speed Racer still, which makes me giggle.

I wanted to shake things up in "FFF," and get a little literary with it. After all, it's not fair that modern cartoon characters and cult favorite, sci-fi/fantasy show stars should be able to have all the gay sex. Today's author Almighty Sempai takes us way back to 19th century England, when the world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes, faced a mystery he couldn't solve in his heart. As usual, Watson tells the tale:

“Tell me, how long have you had this affliction?” I asked, picking up my notebook.

“Well,” Holmes started, sliding down in his chair and crossing his long legs at the ankles, “that would be hard to pinpoint. However, I can guess that I first noticed it near on six months ago.”

“Interesting,” I said, making a note of the date. Six months was a long time to go on with any sort of affliction, so it mustn’t be too serious, I thought. “Can you think of anything that may have triggered it?”

“Let’s see,” Holmes mused, taking a long drag at his pipe. “There were no particular cases that caused in me any reactions other than the usual satisfaction of having solved something. No singularly dreadful events, no sicknesses…” He glanced over at me. “No, the only thing I could think of is our first taking lodgings here on Baker Street.”

The game's afoot!

“Describe to me what you feel,” I prompted, in an effort to get him thinking.

“It is difficult,” Holmes admitted. “A sort of restlessness, and vague desire for something.”

“A physical desire, perhaps?” I said with a raised eyebrow. It was certainly not an unreasonable question, considering I knew enough of the man’s habits to infer that he was not personally knowledgeable in a carnal sense.

Can't you see, Watson? It's elementary—he wants to get up in dat ass! I have to admit, Almighty Sempai does a rather swell job of replicating the sentence structure and glacial pacing of Victorian literature; I'll skip ahead to end, otherwise we'll be here all day.

Suddenly, Holmes seemed terrified, as though the full implications of our conversation were only beginning to truly sink in. “Love… Watson… What am I doing? I have no idea.”

I laid a finger gently upon his lips. “Shush, Holmes. Think of it as a case. Each clue unfolds a part of the mystery. If you knew it all at once from the beginning, it wouldn’t be any fun to solve.”

“Right you are, my dear Watson,” Holmes grinned. “Right you are.” And then, with all the boldness he displayed when cracking one of his beloved mysteries, he pressed our lips together. It was clumsy and rushed, and amateur on both our parts, and yet it was the sweetest kiss I have ever had. I savoured the taste of him, sweet tobacco and mint, and more than that, I relished the feeling of that hole of yearning inside me being filled. Filled with him, my Sherlock Holmes.

Mystery solved! But feel free to read the entire thing here. I'm off to get some mint and tobacco ice cream.