The Greatest (Non-Disturbing) Craigslist Ad of All Time

Posted at 3:05 PM Apr 25, 2008

Time Out Chicago's blog posted this a week ago, so I know I'm late, but I just had to save it until Friday, when it could serve as a beacon of hope and love for the entire weekend. Basically, it's a Craigslist ad, which I am reprinting its entirety:

Dearest GameStop Girl,

When I walked into your store that fateful Tuesday, I expected only to find a smattering of half-decent titles tucked back there amongst the used 360 games. Instead I found you, surrounded by a beam of light, halfway between Assassin's Creed and Call of Duty 3. Your gorgeous dark hair was radiant in contrast with the rainbow of colors on the deluxe Bioshock behind you. The Game of the Year held no interest for me when I saw you look up and smile, even though both could hold me in Rapture.

You commanded the register when it was my turn to check out with the Orange Box. Yes, I was finally getting to play Portal. Lucky me, you said with the cutest smile. Lucky me, I thought, and then knew you had the Portal to my heart. I could care less if the cake is a lie, I'd still want to share it with you.

Oh GameStop Girl, how you make my heart meter skip a beat. If you were being held captive in a mountain fortress by a ruthless mutant mafia gangboss and I had to fight my way through 16 levels of fire-breathing undead ninjas with swords the size of small ponies, I would find a way, even if, after every level, a small man continued to taunt me by saying that you were in another castle. EVEN IF.

So, yes, GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists with you. You can even have the deluxe shotgun with explosive scattershot. I'll just use this knife over here. I'll do anything for you, just for the small, slightest chance that someday - someday - you and me could be a Wii.

This Craigslist ad is, to me, the quintessence of what is great about nerds: their creativity, their emotion; their habit of making references to nerdy things in any conversation, thinking people will be impressed; and their ability to fall in love with any girl who exhibits a slightly nerdy characteristic, whether it be working at a Gamestop or just wearing glasses.

Best of luck, sir, in your quest for the Gamestop Girl. Know that I and millions of other of nerds will be rooting for you.