Please hold on to your bags with boards in them, comic fans. Astute TR reader and certified genius Matt Bradshaw has uncovered a horrifying truth regarding the Comedian, one of the superheroes of the upcoming Watchmen movie. You remember this pic of the Minutemen I posted a few days ago, showcasing the old heroes of the Watchmen universe?

Well, Matt put two and two together and realized that the Comedian is played by none other than...

...Commander USA, former host of USA Network's "Groovy Movies" from '85-89. As Matt puts it on his blog, this is "pretty fucking devastating." The only comfort we have that better Commander USA than Up All Night's Gilbert Gottfried (if only marginally). I'll be back on Monday morning for a full week of nonsense, so you guys have a good weekend and I'll see you then.

GameTrailers has two new clips of Lego Indiana Jones up today, and they're both out-fucking-standing. Despite one video showing Indiana Jones throwing bottles and Lego Toht and Lego Marion beating up Lego Nazis (see it here), I chose this one with the Raiders boulder chase. Why? Watch until the end.

Oh, god. I've gone too far in. I can only pray for death.

"You think for one second I want to hear about the number
of ex wives you have?!"

Fin slammed his cock deep into Munch's ass, emphazing [sic] his point.
Munch gripped the edge of the desk as Fin continued to his
on slot. He whimpered lightly as Fin's cock slammed mercilessly
into his prostate.

You know what? I actually can't handle any more of this. I thought last week's huge treatise on Arthur and incest was bad—and it was—but for some reason, this 500-word story by O.E.M. about Law & Order: Special Victim's Unit's Ice-T fucking Richard Belzer up the ass is just so awful that I honestly can't handle anymore of it. You can read it here, if you dare. God have mercy on my soul!

Two words, people: SPACE BEER.

The Nikkei is reporting (May 27 14:14) that the Japanese brewery Sapporo Holdings is going to brew a “space beer” in November. The above photo shows Okayama University professor, Manabu Sugimoto (R), and his grad student Elena Shagenardanova (L) of Russia with a sheaf of “space barley” from the first generation of barley that was grown on the Russian space lab.

Oh, Japan. You make some terrifying stuff sometimes, but when you do good, you do really good. I'd be totally willing to risk alien barley monsters bursting from my stomach if I could drink space beer. Call me, Professor! (Via Fucked Gaijin)

Far be it from me to decry the benefits of milk—if we didn't have milk, we wouldn't have chocolate milk, and that's a life not worth living—but I can't help but think the National Dairy Council or whoever does these things has grossly overestimated the role of milk in Batman's war on crime. Here's how I see what fuels Batman:

1) Years of training with martial arts masters
2) Billions of dollars to buy armor, weapons, cars, gadgets and other nonsense
3) Psychotic obsession due to murder of parents as child

And somewhere around #25 or so, right after "unnatural obsession with small flying mammals" maybe I'd put milk. But whatever.

A: The upcoming 12-inch G.I. Joe figure from Sideshow Toys. If you were thinking "a penis," you were close, but that's referred to as a "one-eyed trouser snake." Easy mistake. Anyways, Sideshow released the above teaser image of their first 12-inch Joe at the same time that Hasbro announced that IDW will get the Joe comic license. They'll release the first comic in October, and re-release collections of the old stuff, which is cool. A good day for Joe fans.

By Zac Bertschy

The debate of "Han Solo vs. Indiana Jones" has not been waged for centuries, but it sure feels like it sometimes. Countless websites have argued the subject, and there are even rumors that some early nerds discussed the topic even before the internet was created (imagine!). Some pick the sci-fi swashbuckling of Han Solo, some prefer the marginally more realistic badassery of Indiana Jones. There is one clear truth: in spite of having been in over 50 films since the mid-60’s, people only care about Harrison Ford when he's playing one of those two characters (unless someone wants to make the case that his portrayal of “Alexei Vostrikov” in K-19: The Widowmaker will be remembered by history as cinematic genius).

Like Batman vs. Superman or the Beatles vs. the Rolling Stones, everyone has a preference and it’s easy to argue for both sides. But we at TR feel there's a second truth: that Indiana Jones soundly kicks Han Solo's ass, certain people's feelings about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull notwithstanding. And here are the 8 biggest reasons why.

No. fucking. clue. But thanks to impossibly kind TR reader Cory for sharing this madness with the rest of us.

I'm even more confident that I don't need to remind you nerds that the Lost season 4 finale is tonight. I haven't actually spoiled myself on tonight's episode as I've done in the past, mainly because I want to enjoy it too. But I am confident tonight will answer these questions, if nothing else:

• How the hell do the Oceanic 6 get off the island, when they're ll in totally different places?
• What the hell happens to the non-Oceanic 6 castaways?
• Who was on the coffin in the season 3 finale?
• How did Ben wind up in the desert in his parka?
• How the fuck will Locke move the island?
• And why is this season's finale's twist codenamed the "Frozen Donkey wheel" by the producers?

I regret this list doesn't include what the fuck is happening to Claire, as that's what currently freaking me out, but oh well. Anything you think I've missed?

If you are a good and true nerd, you probably know that the third season of The Venture Bros. premieres on Adult Swim on this Sunday night. But did you know you could celebrate your love of America's finest cartoon series with crass consumerism of unknown apparel? Yes, Astrobase Go has begun The Venture Bros. Shirt of the Week Club, which will release one shirt with every episode of the Venture Bros., themed to that week's episode for a total of 13. You can order the shirts separately, or sign for the whole shebang—this week's is an official Guild of Calamitous Intent, which is strong start. Pre-order or sign up here, and make sure you're watching on Sunday.