Alas, poor Quantum of Solace trailer. You had the misfortune of coming just before the gents at Japanator found the trailer for the live-action Detroit Metal City trailer, and now I totally don't care about you. If you don't remember, DMC is about a kindly kindergarten teacher who joins a utterly obscene metal band. as the trailer shows, there's metal 6-yearold girls, a cameo by Gene Simmons and a song whose lyrics are exclusively made up of the word "Fuck." Now that Death Note is ending this Saturday, I need this awesomeness to come fill the hole in my life. Please, dying anime industry! Don't let me down!

Finally, a trailer for the new Daniel Craig/James Bond movie Quantum of Solace. Thankfully, there's no mention of either a quantum or solace in it, which is good, because the title is still unbelievably goofy—and it would be harder to watch Bond beating the living shit out of international thugs if we were giggling the entire time.

While we're on the subject of fantasy PC gaming, I might as well tell you that it looks like most online stores have their shipments of DC Direct's second World of Warcraft figures. Even if you're not a fan of the game, these things are gorgeously sculpted, and their paint schemes are out of this world. This set includes the human warrior Archilon Shadowheart, the troll priest Zabra Hexx, the gnome warrior Sprocket Gyrospring and Broll Bearmantle, the Night Elf Druid, and all of whose names make me giggle when I read them. You can order the full set at Entertainment Earth for $72.

I doubt many of you come to Topless Robot for your hard-hitting PC game coverage, but even I noticed that Blizzard announced Diablo III this weekend, and that buzzing sound you hear is the hordes of computer nerds simultaneously reaching orgasm. GameTrailers has about a million videos of the game, but none more indicate of the game that this 19-minute gameplay demonstrating full of hacking, slashing, more hacking, pretty graphics, a bit more slashing, and a terrible voiceover explaining what's going on.

I'm not a PC guy, but everyone knows this is just Gauntlet, right? All gussied up? I'm not insulting it, Gauntlet's a great game. I just don't know if the kids today are aware.

John Oates—of Hall & Oates—has a new parter: his mustache. I apologize for quoting virtually all of Billboard's article, but after reading, you'll see why.

Independent publisher Primary Wave Music Publishing, which owns a majority stake in most of the biggest hits in the Hall & Oates catalog, is shopping a cartoon titled "J-Stache" that further illustrates the dichotomy. As laid out in a two-minute trailer, Oates is portrayed as a modern-day family man and finds himself enticed back to the rock star life by his mustache, which is voiced by comedian Dave Attell.
"In a cartoon setting, the mustache has its own personality," Oates says from Aspen, Colo., where he's finishing his latest solo album. "Just as I'm represented as the John Oates of today, the mustache is the John Oates of yesterday. The focus of the music will be on the back catalog, but it's an open-ended situation. There's even talk of the mustache trying to bring new bands into the picture."
The pilot, which Primary Wave estimates will be between six and 10 minutes long, is being storyboarded, and the aim is to have it completed in the next two months. It will portray Oates opening a new wing of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that focuses on mustachioed musicians.
Suddenly, a dying David Crosby appears and with his last breath warns Oates of a mysterious secret group of mustache wearers bent on killing other mustache wearers. As actor Tom Selleck attempts to escape from the latest murder scene, Oates summons his own mustache with a fist pump that simultaneously changes his clothes from conservative attire to pink pants and white boots.

There's just not a single sentence I didn't absolutely love. Dave Attell as the mustache? A dying David Crosby? Tom Selleck's mustache under attack? Man, some mustachioed TV exec needs to pick this thing up already.

Comic artist Michael Turner passed away last Friday night at the age of 37. Comics fans probably know he'd been battling bone cancer since 2000, but it finally got him. Besides creating Fathom and Aspen Studios, Turner was known for his amazing art on Witchblade, Identity Crisis, Spider-man, Batman/Superman and more. I'd never met the man, but by all accounts he was a super-nice guy, and certainly, the comics industry is poorer for his loss. (Via Newsarama)

Some enterprising nerd cut this video of Star Trek footage to Monty Python and the Holy Grail's "Camelot" song, and the result is probably the nerdiest thing I've ever seen. Hell, I think I've gotten more socially awkward just by watching it. Oh, it's better than you think, thanks to the classic Trek's propensity to gad about, although you'll still certainly regret watching it—but you've got to know, right?

By Zach Oat

Superhero comics are often seen as the purest form of escapism. In them, men can fly and fight and do heroic things and meet girls and have a secret identity—you know, all the stuff men secretly want to do. Women…not so much. In fact, outside of comic books specifically written for women, female characters in superhero books have a pretty tough time of it. And by “tough time,” I mean horrible, horrible things happen to them—so much so that the term "Women in Refrigerators" has been coined to describe the phenomenon (Curious why? Wait until you get to #2). Granted, in most comics violence is the norm and people get hurt, but these aren’t just superheroine fights gone bad—these are ten of the most egregious examples of female characters (many of them not super at all) being hunted down and violated, especially by the men writing them. (Note: If it's not a superhero book, it's not in here. Otherwise most of this list would be all R. Crumb and Sin City comics.)

On this semi-anniversary day, I'm ever so pleased to have found yet a new Best Painting Ever Made from the incredible Brandon Bird, who has admittedly been making the Best Painting Ever every few months for the last several years or so. Please go buy prints of this and all his work, or hell, buy the original. And have a great weekend, boys and girls.

On April 4th, I introduced you guys to author Godzilla, and his magnum opus "Godzilla, King of the Rainlands," a massive Godzilla/Lion King sex-filled crossover that's as epic as Tolkien, and incomprehensible as any fever dream. I'm happy to say that Godzilla (the author) had completed his work, totaling at 32 chapters, although may of them are still used to describe what wrestler's theme music best suits the upcoming scenes. Since it's still my favorite Fan Fiction Friday so far, and Godzilla (the author) has asked so nicely, I'm overjoyed to wrap it up.

We last read Chapter 4, where Godzilla had saved Nala from a lion rapist, and then taken prisoner of Nala in his cave (oh, and Simba's already dead). The Lion King critters soon realize something is wrong.

Suddenly Rafiki paled as an signature full of anger and godly power was fast approaching their position. Suddenly one said hey does anybody smell funny?. nobody heard her of course as the panicked frenzy increased. suddenly dead silence was present as an roar was heard unlike any they have ever heard before filled their ears.
Rafiki was surprised at the sight of the legendary fallen God king in front of him. ' So it seems that the seal my ancestors placed on his lair failed'. ...
Rafiki asked him a question why do you still want revenge? the murderers were punished right? so why take your anger out on others whom have nothing to do with the incident?. he smiled and said in an rage filled voice YOU NOT TO KNOW WHY I DONT FORGIVE OTHER LIONS THAT EASILY? WELL ITS QUITE SIMPLE TO SAY THE LEAST AS LONG AS LIONS ARE ON MY LANDS I SHALL NEVER FORGET THERE BETRAYAL OF MY QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, intrigue! Rafiki and Godzilla have a past! What's the deal with Godzilla's former queen? It turns out that Godzilla was in love with a white lioness, who was raped and killed (naturally) by some other lion. This has made Godzilla bitter and depressed. How depressed? He's a cutter:

in the depths of the caves Godzilla Was doing something rather disturbing as he gripped an bloody razor sharp rock that he had infused with black magic for what he was doing. if one would look at his body they would notice that there were many cuts and gashes on it and the reason for them became apparent as he suddenly plunged it into his chest and twisted it in an attempt ti rid himself of the despair he felt from the memory he had earlier remembered and what other memories he had long ago buried. as he was doing this above him the effects of it were visible in the Bloody Rain Pouring down on the lush Rainlands.
Suddenly we see Godzilla Gouging out both of his eyes and then dragging the rock over his eyes once he finished doing so he took it out of him and letting out one final pain filled roar collapsed on the ground bloody tears following out of his eyes as he fell asleep and outside just as he did that the sky above him cleared up as if nothing had happened and the blood coating the ground vanished as if it never was there in the first place.[as Story ends KANE's Music is playing in the background as its shall reflect things to come in this fic]

More after the jump.