ToyNewsI snagged pics of the rest of wave one of the upcoming G.I. Joe Combat Heroes packs, namely Duke and a Cobra soldier, followed by Roadblock and the helmeted Cobra Commander (you can see the other two two-packs here). I think most of us nerds have approved of Hasbro's Star Wars and Transformers and Marvel and Indiana Jones Little Heroes lines, if only because they're full of classic characters, for adults who are ostensibly parents buying them for their toddlers. But there's something about this Combat Heroes line that makes me think it's the best of the bunch. Is it because they all have guns? That they're essentially Army Men, but awesome? I don't know, but I stopped by Joe toys in 1992, and despite the Sigma Six and the Classics and all the awesome news stuff, I think these little guys are going to be what pulls me back into the fold.

Come here. Come here! And shut the hell up! I need you all to listen—TR contributor Chris Cummins found a bootleg video of the Watchman movie footage shown at SDCC—shut up! I know it's awesome, but be quiet—on Youtube! Now, it's easily the worst bootleg video I've ever seen—the guy filming it was apparently also in a wrestling match at the same time—but it does show blood landing on the smiley face pin, which should be enough to make most nerds need to switch pants.

Now, if WB finds out about this, they're going to take it down. So I need all one million of you TR readers to promise not to tell anybody. Okay? great.

This shirt is an oldie, but a goodie. Most of my fondest memories of grade school were in front of the ancient computers we didn't even get until fifth grade, where we played a variety of Where in the World Is Carmen San Diego? (That Bitch Owes Me Money) and of course, Oregon Trail, where thousands of children died of dysentary, all in the name of eduction. Of course, the best of part of Oregon Trail was the hunting, because you got to shoot countless woodland creatures, none of which could do you any harm, and carry the meat back to feed your dysentery-riddled family. ("You have have killed 1268 pounds of meat. You can carry 3 pounds.") Anyways, this shirt celebrates those times, and the necessity of keeping America's electronic wildlife populations in check. It's $20 over at 80sTees—just make sure you have room to carry it back to your wagon.

You think using chopsticks is hard? Trying using chopsticks that are 80% energy blade, and which cut through any material (including sushi). These Star Wars-themed eating utensils were made by Kotobukiya and shown off at the Star Wars Celebration Japan a few weeks ago. Pretty cool, eh?

Wait, I guess lightsabers wouldn't work as chopsticks at all. Unless they've been set to bludgeon, like Luke's lightsaber in the beginning of Return of the Jedi, when he was using it like a Louisville Slugger to knock Jabba's henchmen on the skiff. Then they could work. (Via Rebelscum)

A few weeks ago, the news that a live-action movie of the hit anime series Cowboy Bebop set nerd hearts a-tizzy, despite the fact in it's only in development and hasn't been greenlit and thus its chances of actually coming to fruition are only abut 20% at best. First Showing has some Bebop movie rumors of note: one, that Fox is fast-tracking the film for a 2010 (unlikely, but possible); two, that is has a huge budget (I don't believe this for a second); and third, that Keanu Reeves has been attached to play Spike Spiegel for months.

I was ready to go off on a huge rant about what a terrible thing this would be, but the more I think about, the more I actually don't mind. Spike's a lanky, quiet guy, which falls in Keanu's limited range. Admittedly, Spike's also sly and hints at a broad range of experiences and emotions underneath his aloof exterior, which isn't exactly Reeves' forte, but still. Basically, I assumed Hollywood would have cast someone ridiculous like Nic Cage, so while I may not be thrilled to the core of my being, I can deal with Keanu. Also, I really don't think the movie's going to happen, especially after Dragonball tanks and everyone in Hollywood assumes that it's anime's fault.

Soul Calibur is one heck of a fighting game, but it's probably fair to say that half the reason people buy it is for its elaborate character creation system, which allows you to design your own characters. How elaborate? Well, watch the above video and see folks from Marvel Comics, DC Comics, Mortal Kombat, Final Fantasy, Killer Instinct, Street Fighter, and more tussle—they're all astoundingly good, with the exception of Superman. But the Thor will knock your damn socks off. (Via Kotaku)

This is David Lynch-brand coffee. It can be ordered here. If the caffeine doesn't wake you up, perhaps the terrifying close-up of Lynch's face on the canister will. If anyone can tell me why I shouldn't just go back to bed and hide under the covers, please do. Thanks to stalwart TR contributor Chris Cummins for the tip.

By Brian Heiler

Star Trek really is the shit when it comes to merchandising. With all its shows and movies, it's got more awesome gear and shown more bizarre planets and tech than all the Star Wars flicks times 10—seriously, the franchise is a toymaker's dream. However, toymakers don’t have to give a crap about a beloved sci-fi franchise to exploit it for their own products' gain, which is how we end up with phenomenally stupid products like this. Here are nine other examples of Trek merchandise boldly gone wrong.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government. Also, the bad guys in Super Mario Bros. 2 were much fucking cooler than in the first game." —The Declaration of Independence

Hee hee hee! Guys, every time you think it's all right to be a nerd, that The Dark Knight is tops at the box office is because of our power, or that really no one cares anymore if you're a 20-something that collects action figures or plays D&D, I want you to remember this incredible picture of Heroes' Hayden Pantierre at San Diego Comic Con, forced by her publicist to shake hands with the sweaty, nerdy masses, and remember the face she makes while simultaneously pouring antibacterial soap on her hands to kill the cooties. Remember.

Magazines can print all the articles they want about how it's cool to be a nerd nowadays, but this is the fucking truth—the cheerleader still wants nothing to do with us. (Via Drunken Stepfather)