The Clone Wars Article That Will Instantly Send You into a Nerd Rage
Posted at 12:10 PM Aug 20, 2008
Remember how, in my review, I said Clone Wars could have been worse? Associated Press newswriter Josh Dickey has found a way for Clone Wars to be worse, but instead of offering it as a theory, he's written a whole damn article on it, as if it were fact. I never thought I'd be defending Clone Wars, but Dickey's article—which was picked up by Newsarama, and god only knows how many other places—makes me so fucking mad I've actually stopped drinking for a few moments to best articulate my rage. Dickey's theory-presented-as-fact? That 20-year-old Anakin and 14-year-old Ahsoka have the hots for each other. From his article:
Ahsoka Tano — who easily out-toughs even Princess Leia in her prime — is smart, sassy and skilled with a light saber. And despite that she's merely a teen 'toon, Ahsoka kicks up more chemistry in a few scenes with the animated Vader-in-waiting than the real-life Natalie Portman could muster over three whole films.
To be fair, there's nothing overt about "The Clone Wars" to indicate a relationship between Ahsoka and Anakin. But whether the filmmakers intended it or not, their mutual magnetism is a presence we haven't felt since ... well, at least going back to the push-pull of Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher.
But if you thought a smuggler hooking up with a princess was inappropriate, then there's a reason to have a bad feeling about this:
For starters, when Anakin meets Ahsoka, she's barely a teenager, while he's in his early 20s. What's more, he's supposed to be her teacher. And finally, he's already secretly married to Portman's character, the aristocratic and wooden Queen Amidala.
...
It's not long before they give each other cute, jab-in-the-ribs nicknames — he's "Sky Guy," she's "Snips" (apparently for her snippy demeanor). They spend most of the film toting around a rescued infant, making veiled parenting jokes along the way. Their petty competitions devolve into mutual concern, rescue and more post-traumatic bonding.
Not since David and Maddie delicately danced the love-hate line on "Moonlighting" have two people — or in this case, a person and a pint-sized humanoid alien known as a Togruta — stirred up so much tension by outwardly avoiding it.
It's hard to know where to start with such idiocy, but let's try this: Dickey is a fucking moron. For all of Clone Wars' faults, a subtly implied inappropriate relationship is not one of them. There is no subtle romance in Star Wars, Mr. Dickey. Believe me, if Lucas wanted there to be a romance, Anakin would be talking about sand or some shit—that's how you know. And while Lucas may be so insane as to include a flamboyantly homosexual Hutt, I honestly believe putting in an age-inappropriate sexual tension between the Clone Wars' two stars is beyond even him. That would be wrong on so many levels, most of them having to do with the movie/cartoon being for young kids. And while I've criticized Clone Wars for being both stupid and boring, I'll be goddamned if I'll let Dickey call it perverted without any evidence to support his outrageous claim.
The fact that he compares Anakin and Ahsoka to Moonlighting clearly indicates that he's hopelessly out-of-touch, if not some kind of sociopath, because I promise you, their chemistry wasn't that fucking good, people. No one in the prequels had good chemistry together, which was part of the damn problem.
If this were just some hack on a blog—like myself—I wouldn't be nearly so upset. But he's an AP newswriter, not some fan fiction hack. People are going to believe him, and that's the worst part. You're a lunatic, Mr. Dickey, and if you can genuinely see evidence of a romance between Anakin and Ahsoka, that's your fucking problem, not the Clone Wars'. Seek help. And I'm going to seek a new bottle of scotch.
Comments
Someone should probably check on Friginator, because I'm pretty sure this is going to make his head explode.
Posted 08/20/2008 at 09:23:22 AMMoonlighting? WTF?
Posted 08/20/2008 at 09:50:46 AM"Not since Nick Charles made whoopee with his wife Nora in The Thin Man has their been such naked, animalistic attraction on the silver screen. Twenty-three skiddoo!"
Posted 08/20/2008 at 10:00:14 AMIts not that off the mark. Not sure about Anakin, but it would seem pretty natural for Ahsoka to have the hots for Anakin. It's not that inappropriate, pretty normal. I'm sure 90% of 14 year olds have some attraction for their teachers!
And clearly there is more sexual tension between anakin & ashoka, than anakin and amadala.
my 2 cents
Posted 08/20/2008 at 11:01:34 AM"Believe me, if Lucas wanted there to be a romance, Anakin would be talking about sand or some shit—that's how you know. "
Sad but true. Very true.
Glad you are calling this guy out on his crappy writing. If you have a legit complaint about the film that is one thing but this is scraping the barrel.
Posted 08/20/2008 at 11:18:23 AMI suspect Dickey is kin to Dr. Wertham. Both seem to have the same idiotic assumptions about cartoon characters.
Posted 08/20/2008 at 11:22:29 AMIn my opinion, TR has always been more trustworthy than AP.
TR is where I get my news.
TR's stories rival AP with extraordinary magnitude.
TR has my gratitude.
(but seriously, AP's staff are all hacks.)
Posted 08/20/2008 at 11:38:05 AMAs a woman that AP article makes me want to puke all over myself. That article is just perpetuating the idea that in a realtionship between a man and woman (or girl) there HAS to be some sexual tension or desire. You know it is possible for people of the opposite sex to just be friends! In the case of Clone wars they can also give eachother crappy nicknames and make unfunny quips at eachother.Whats next? "Oh Ventress sooo has a crush on obi-wan!!! Her hatred is masking her true feelings of love!!" ????
Posted 08/20/2008 at 01:39:42 PMSeason Five of the Wire is all about a lazy and incompetent journalist who makes up stuff when the real news isn't good enough. This Josh Dickey guy should watch it.
Posted 08/20/2008 at 02:02:59 PMWhats next? "Oh Ventress sooo has a crush on obi-wan!!! Her hatred is masking her true feelings of love!!"????
Actually, it is. This is fairly well-established in the comics.
Sorry. ;)
Posted 08/20/2008 at 02:16:05 PMo_________________O?
Posted 08/20/2008 at 03:32:34 PMHe can't have the hots for her... he likes the OLDER ladies.
At least the kind that magically stop aging when he gets old enough to date them.
Posted 08/20/2008 at 06:32:15 PMWhaat? Interspecies dating?
Posted 08/20/2008 at 07:12:19 PMShe's supposed to be 14? Shouldn't she be more than 4 feet tall? She looks about 9 in most of the pictures I've seen.
And everybody knows Anakin likes older women, 'cause he was mackin' on teenager when HE was 9.
Posted 08/20/2008 at 07:33:44 PMHmm, after reading Dickey's take, I'm beginning to wonder if Daniel-san and Pat Morita had a romantic relationship in The Karate Kid. All these years I thought it was just the impetuous student and learned master dynamic. And what about Luke and Yoda, eh?? Brokeback Dagoba? A very dark day this is.
Sarcasm aside, is Ahsoka really 14? As an alien race, I kind of assumed her aging scale would be different than humans but I wasn't paying close attention to the dialogue.
Posted 08/21/2008 at 01:39:19 PMShe's the top.
Posted 08/21/2008 at 08:22:22 PMI not surprised people don't like the article, but actually I found it funny.
Doesn't it occur to any of you that maybe he wrote the article on purpose to get reactions out you people?
Posted 09/27/2008 at 10:52:53 PMI just recently stumbled on to this site, and it's already bookmarked. TR > AP any day.
Posted 10/05/2008 at 09:02:08 AMHey Hey there guy, I know that this Mr. Dicky has it all wrong, but try to chill out a little bit. I could feel your nose bleed comeing through my computer. Other then that I just wanted to say that I agree with you, How can he even suspect something like from a kids show. He's being a real pervert dude!
Posted 10/16/2008 at 06:51:25 PM"And while Lucas may be so insane as to include a flamboyantly homosexual Hutt,..." Not gay--Asexual, and probably not fully turned back from female to male.
I think that the main reason that people mistake an implied romantic relatingship in this movie is because of how Ahsoka dresses. The slightly skimpy outfit is probably just her natural wear intended by George Lucas to draw some attraction from the early teen boy crowd, not to imply a hidden romance. George Lucas makes romance clear to the audience. He just doesn't DO innuendoes.
Seriously, this is just as bad as the homosexual relationship so many people insist is impied between Batman and Robin. So not cool.
Posted 12/04/2008 at 06:29:34 AMI support Ahsoka x Anakin shipping and find it to be brilliant.Anakin gonna dump that dumb politician Padme for some real booty.Guess Anakin likes young meat too.LOL. I gotta tell you, I hope George Lucas makes Ahsoka x Anakin cannon, it'll be his crowning achievement.Now if only we some brave fanfic writers would write some hot Ahsoka on Anakin action then we'll be set.Let the bodily fluids between Ahsoka and Anakin flow. This'll be good.LOL.
Posted 12/04/2008 at 10:53:00 PMi do see a bitt of flirting but josh(?) looks at it like they are real people.... kinda creepy but...
Posted 04/09/2009 at 08:27:59 AMim with you dude
I can see there being some sexual tension building between Ahsoka and Anakin. I think women are naturally attracted, and draw themselves closer to the man they are trying to impress - especially when they work as a team and engage themselves in 'friendly' competition toward the same objectives. Plus, they aren't as far off in age as Padme and Anakin. Let us not forget when Padme met Anakin, he was only just a small boy and she was a Queen. Then, when they got married, I'm not even sure he was 18. So it's not out of the realm of possiblity for Ahsoka and Anakin to have an affair. In fact, I think it would darn entertaining for them to develop that sexual tension a little further.
Posted 04/10/2009 at 07:46:07 PMOMG"
Posted 05/30/2009 at 05:18:45 PMI think that a relationship between Anakin and Ashoka could
giva more energy to the show
it's gettin' boring =I