Unless, of course, you were looking for a Darth Vader with disturbingly tiny hands, a C-3PO with even graver sexual identity issues, and something that appears to be the spawn of an unholy union between a Wookiee and a tree sloth. These are Japanese karuta from the '70s as found by my friendly acquaintance Matt Alt—karuta being a peculiar kind of Japanese cards that I don't understand in the slightest. If you believe these were at all licensed from Lucasfilm, I have an awesome Blade Runner 2 script to sell you. Anyways, go see all the cards at Alt's website here.

And while I've got you, let me give a friendly pimp to Alt's new book Yokai Attack! The Japanese Monster Survival Guide. You don't need to be an anime fan to enjoy reading about the hideous monsters who were licking bathtubs long before modern perverts. Check it out.

If you were mildly disappointed about the post-apocalyptic state of the Earth, as seen in the final moments of the first half of the fourth season of Battlestar Galactia, Aaron Douglas—a.k.a. Tyrol—has some spoilers for you. I've put them after the jump for safe-keeping.

Sorry to get your hopes up, people. I promise you, no one was more excited than I was when I saw the headline over at Action-Figure about my long, long-awaited Sam & Max toys, and no one was more hurt and confused when I saw these...things. Now, I don't really begrudge Symbiote Studios—who are also making a regular looking Sam & Max statue, by the way—from making Mighty Muggs-style Sam and Max (they even say they're the same scale), but man...I really want a Sam and Max action figure set with guns and rats and a Glazed McGuffin and paper bag-space helmets and all that stuff. Still, the pair is only $20 when you pre-order 'em over at Symbiote, which is a great deal.

But isn't action figures.

• Iron Man
Available in Blu-ray, 2-disc collector's edition and a single-disc edition for pussies. 'Nuff said.

• The Thing
On Blu-ray, so you can see every millimeter Wilford Brimley's mutated glory in crystal clear high-definition.

• Beauty & the Beast Complete Series
Did you know Hellboy and Sarah Conner used to date? It's true!

• The Starlost Complete Series
I don't have the faintest clue what this is, but it has "star" in the title, so I'm guessing it's one of the hundreds of mediocre sci-fi shows from the '70s.

• Voltron Vol. 6
The beginning of the widely forgotten and generally disliked Vehicle Voltron portion of the series.

• The Mindscape of Alan Moore
Two DVDs of Alan Moore being Alan Moore. Seriously, listen to this Amazon description:

Alan Moore writer, artist and performer is the world's most critically acclaimed and widely admired creator of comic books and graphic novels. In The Mindscape of Alan Moore we see a portrait of the artist as contemporary shaman, someone with the power to transform consciousness by means of manipulating language, symbols and images. The film leads the audience through Moore's world with the writer himself as guide, beginning with his childhood background, following the evolution of his career as he transformed the comics medium, through to his immersion in a magical worldview where science, spirituality and society are part of the same universe.

Uh-huh. This is actually a sequel to the best-selling documentary The Beardscape of Alan Moore, which examined the food, twigs, and small creatures which have been living in his facial hair since 1986.

It's more or less official—the next DC superhero movie will be Green Lantern, which should start shooting next spring. Although no one's been cast, there is a director—Greg Berlanti, whose bigging credit seems to be helming a few episodes of the TV series Everwood, which doesn't exactly fill me with boundless hope. Still, the script-readers over at Latino Review think the script is great—a "classic" superhero origin story, if you will—if that means anything to you.

To me, Hal Jordan is like the anti-Tony Stark—impossibly good, fundamentally noble, and just not interesting at all. The fact that his superpowers come from a magic ring is somewhat less exciting than, say, an awesome suit of powered armor. I guess this thing will live or die based on who Warner casts as Hal, but really, I wonder if the fundamental Golden Age goofiness that defines most of the major DC superheroes will be too much for modern movie-going America. You kids have any casting choices?

Okay, maybe Nazism was overall a worse idea, but making a sequel to an utterly complete science fiction masterpiece has got to be up there. Still, according to /Film, Eagle Eye co-writer Travis Wright is writing a script for Blade Runner 2—let me let that sink in for a second, one of the co-writers of FUCKING EAGLE EYE—on behest of Blade Runner co-producer Bud Yorkin. Now, as /Film says to keep us all from slitting our wrists immediately, no studio has actually asked for a Blade Runner sequel, or hired anyone to do anything—this is just Yorkin and Wright...uh...HAVING THE WORST IDEA EVER.

But this isn’t just some small side project, Travis also claims that they are already working with a pre-visualization team on some of the hunter action sequences for their eventual pitch with the studio. I don’t believe that Ridley Scott is involved, but the screenwriting team has worked directly with his brother Tony Scott on projects, so their might be a possible connection.

I'm hard pressed to think of a science fiction movie that needs a sequel less than Blade Runner. And seriously, if this happens, is there any way Shia the Beef is not cast as Deckard? Oh, looks like it's scotch for brunch today.

AC/DC is certainly one of the most rocking bands in the world, but I'm kind of baffled why they chose to sell their last album exclusively at Wal-Mart, one of the least rocking companies in America. The mystery deepens, as the long-rumored AC/DC Live Rock Band Track Pack will also be sold exclusively at Wal-Mart, which, while it makes financial sense, doesn't rock. At all.

Kotaku says the "Track Pack" will be $30-40 bucks, be released in November, and contain a non-whopping 18 songs, which is also significantly not rocking. Now, the songs are supposed to be playable in Rock Band 1 and 2, but that likely mean they can be exported over, since making them available as a download would negate the Wal-Mart exclusivity. I guess it all comes down to how much you're willing to pay to play "Thunderstruck." I was willing to pay a great deal, but this is a little too steep for my blood.

By Chris Cummins

The only path to heaven is to renounce your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. If you do anything else—listen to music, play games, drink, or enjoy a joint—you're going to hell faster than you can say "eternal damnation." Or so sayeth the Chick tracts. Created by cartoonist Jack Chick, these evangelical mini-comics have helped save the souls of sinners for over 40 years. Often taking the form of cautionary tales, the tracts have come under fire for denouncing opposing religious viewpoints and speaking out against the “evils” of everything from homosexuality (evil) to the works of J.K. Rowling (just as evil).

Yet despite their extreme approach, they’ve managed to gather a devoted following amongst Bible thumpers and heathens alike thanks to their cartoony visual style, their premise that virtually anything can and will lead you to hell, that even if you believe in Jesus regular life can be hilariously cruel, and being absolutely bat-shit insane. Featuring plenty of jaw-dropping moments, here’s a look at the 10 most memorable tracts that Chick Publications has to offer.

I have to give full credit to Filmdrunk for finding this gem of a video. And I mean gem quite literally—some clearly mad soul has edited down the execrable Batman and Robin movie into its most amazingly horrible, fantastically loathsome ten minutes. It's a rock-hard diamond of pure shit, without a single frame of something not awful happening or being said. It's absolutely amazing.