Fan Fiction Friday: Barney and Arthur in "Barney F**KS the S**T Out of Arthur!"
Posted at 2:08 PM Sep 05, 2008
Sometimes, you know just by reading the title. Please fasten your seatbelts, because this is going to be one hell of a ride.
BARNEY WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND IT WAS A BRIGHT SUN SHINY DAY! IT HAD RAINED THE NIGHT BEFORE SO EVERYTHING WAS REALLY FRESH SMELLING AND DOGGYS WERE GOING POOPYS AND STUFF LOLZ!
Barney: It is a nice day out I tihnk I will go to Arthurs house!
Barney goes to arthurs house!
Barney: OH I LOVE that little ardvark he makes me feel tingly adn happy in my puprle penis!
Obviously, this is meant to be performed live, hence the play-like dialogue attributions.
then!
Barney says: Hey arthur I really need to go poopy mind if I use your toilet! ehe hehhh hee hee!
Arthur: WOW! INEED TO GO POOPY TOO! LETS GO POOPY TOGETHER!!!
Whatever you do, DON'T HIT THE JUMP.
Can I say I absolutely adore the "then!" before Barney and Arthur plan their joint pooping? The exclamation makes it so sudden and dramatic, like "A shot rang out!" Except it's two children's show stars deciding to take a dump together. Anyways, once Barney and Arthur hit the stalls, nature takes its course.
So banry and arhtyr go to the bathroom together and arthur pulls down his pants and barney gets reey reely horny and gets a boner too!!
Barney: MIND IF I STICK MY PURPLE PENIS IN YOUR ARDVARKY BUT HOEL! I RLY NEED TO STIK IT IN SOMETIHNG NOW!
Arthur: OK
And here's where the shit happens, which I mean literally. It turns into a scat-porn, which walks the fine line of being horrendous and hilarious by only being referred to as "poopy." Still, I'll spare you the details. Then!
Bloo Kazoo was walking down the street when he herad arthur and barny having sex so he went to arthurs house and smacked the fucking door wide open!!
Bloo:HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!
Arthur: gee wiz Bloo im sorry! Wanna join us!
Then more farting and sex, and it all wraps up with a lesson for the kids.
when they are done barney says:
Barney: Lets clean up! ehhheh hee hee ho ho!
Arthur and Bloo and Barney clean up the bathroom and then hav cookys and jooce and then banry and bloo go home to fosters and live hpaly ever after!
So, children, remember—when you have filthy, perverted scatalogical sex with children's show stars, always remember to clean up afterwards.
By all means, never, ever read the full story by author SoveehtBahny here. I really, really want to believe this is some kind of parody, or some joke by somebody, but...it's kind of long. Far longer than a "I'll make the worst fanfic possible, and that'll show 'em" type joke needs to be. Still, that would be far better than the idea that anyone wrote this for an actual erotic purpose.
Comments
This is the second time you've featured poor Arthur in one of these things, Rob. What did the little guy ever do to you?
Posted 09/05/2008 at 12:33:33 PMHilarious. This man is a poet.
Posted 09/05/2008 at 12:39:56 PMIt's so odd that you would feature poop in today's fanfic after someone just took a dump in the alley next to the building I work in this morning! The only thing funnire than the image of the act was the terrible spelling.
Posted 09/05/2008 at 12:54:59 PMIt's so odd that you would feature poop in today's fanfic after someone just took a dump in the alley next to the building I work in this morning! The only thing funnier than the image of the act was the terrible spelling.
Posted 09/05/2008 at 12:55:15 PMThis is , by far, the best fan fiction you've posted Rob, Kudos!
Posted 09/05/2008 at 01:10:51 PMUgh.
This section is the festering blister on an otherwise decently indecent site. (you figure that out!)
I cannot get drunk enough to make my mind think this is cool in any way.
If I did a 'Ten Most Likely to Get Me to Stop Reading Topless Robot' post they'd all be this crap.
But I'd be back the next day.
Damn.
Fuck me.
Posted 09/05/2008 at 01:18:55 PMDoes anyone get a kind of Jhonen Vasquez/Wonder Showzen vibe from this? Hilarious, but not as heartfelt or serious as, say, Billy & Mandy: Just a Bad Dream.
Posted 09/05/2008 at 01:49:48 PMJhonen Vasquez? Bloo Kazoo? What...no DW?
Posted 09/05/2008 at 03:19:21 PMIntentional!Badfic is intentional. But omg it's genius XD
Posted 09/05/2008 at 09:08:46 PMI don't care if the story was intentionally bad or not, I just hope this reviewer isn't serious:
"Kinol_Drool
This is seriousoly some sexy shit, Soviet. I mean really. To fucking good for words."
Now that makes me a little terrified.
Posted 09/06/2008 at 12:46:20 AMThis, my friend, is absolute, unadulterated, poopy *genius*. Not really so much the story (Arthur gets purple sodomy? *yawn!* Him with his sister was hotter) as the incomparable style.
When I teach writing again, this will be the first assignment.
Posted 09/08/2008 at 09:32:48 PMI'm not sure what's more disturbing, the pairing(s), dino-scat or the horrendous grammar.
Posted 09/11/2008 at 12:53:02 PMMust find a safe, happy place.
Kikki said: "I don't care if the story was intentionally bad or not, I just hope this reviewer isn't serious."
Soviet has exactly one story, reviewed positively by Kinol who wrote: Clifford, Krypto and Garfield have gay buttsex!!!
I think Kinol IS Soviet. For one thing, Kinol knows that the author's name, SoveehtBahny is pronounced Soviet. Not quite so terrifying, just sad.
Posted 01/10/2009 at 07:17:53 PM