The 8 Most Insane Decisions Archie Comics Ever Made

Posted at 5:05 AM Oct 03, 2008

By Chris Cummins

Since the Archie Andrews character made his debut in 1941, the red-headed teen has become the comic book poster boy for white bread American values. Armed with an array of friends (Jughead, Betty, Veronica) and adversaries (Reggie, Mr. Weatherbee, Mr. Lodge), he quickly established himself as a wholesome part of many a young reader’s adolescence. Archie continues to be so popular because his problems with dating, money, school, etc. are just as relatable to readers today as they were in the 1960s. (A phenomenon best demonstrated by the great Archie’s Americana Series trade paperbacks). In a struggle to retain readers amidst an ever-fluctuating comics industry, the various Archie-related titles and spin-off TV shows have undergone a variety of changes throughout the years—with varying degrees of success. Here’s a look at eight head-scratching moments from the lengthy history of Archie Comics.

8) Glenn Scarpelli

As anyone who has ever read the Marvel Team-Up issue in which Spider-Man met the original cast of Saturday Night Live can attest, comic book cameos by real-life celebrities are a strange thing indeed. But what makes them even weirder is when the cameo is from a star who isn‘t exactly a household name. Case in point, Glenn Scarpelli. Predating both Danny Cooksey and Raven-Symoné as an example of a child star brought in to help boost ratings on a veteran series, the teen heartthrob was added to the cast of One Day at a Time in the show’s sixth season. It was around this time that he began to make appearances in various Archie titles as himself. Why was he chosen to become a recurring character as opposed to say Michael J. Fox or Malcolm Jamal-Warner? It’s simple, Glenn was the son of longtime Archie Comics writer Henry Scarpelli. While the younger Scarpelli retired from acting to become a CEO of an Arizona cable company, he made headlines in 2006 when he publicly came out during an appearance on VH1’s 100 Greatest Teen Stars Special. There’s no word yet on how the girls of Riverdale reacted to this news.

7) Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again

Maybe it’s because The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis totally ripped off the comic, but a live-action Archie series has never come to fruition. Although decent pilots for an Archie show were made in 1964 and 1978, the 1990 NBC teleflim Archie: To Riverdale and Back Again is the most memorable. Though that’s hardly a good thing. Deciding to utilize the same blend of drama and half-baked comedy that made The Bradys such a televisual turd, the movie stupidly aged the characters into their early 30s. The plot has Archie—now an engaged lawyer—preparing to attend his high school reunion. Having lost touch with his former friends, he is shocked to discover that Jughead is a single father working as a psychiatrist, Betty is in a borderline abusive relationship, Veronica is a man-hungry she-devil and Reggie is still the same jerk he’s always been. Hilarious and heartfelt antics ensue, including the above atrocious hip-hop remake of The Archies’ signature hit “Sugar Sugar” that Jughead performs in order to bond with and/or traumatize his son.

6) Archie’s Weird Mysteries

Much like the Michael Jackson jacket your grandmother gave you three years after Thriller came out, Archie’s Weird Mysteries arrived on the scene too late to be worthwhile. Debuting after the interest in all-things-paranormal that The X-Files stirred up had subsided in 1999, the show had Archie and company attempting to make sense of spooky activities that are suddenly plaguing Riverdale. Instead of bringing the monster-infused vibe of the Archie’s Mad House comic to TV, the series featured repetitive storylines and jokes that seemed woefully out of date for kids of the Nickelodeon generation. Think of it as the animated equivalent of Baywatch Nights, just with less humor.

5) That Wilkin Boy

While Josie and the Pussycats and Sabrina the Teenage Witch were both successful Archie spin-offs that acquired devoted followings of their own, the same can’t be said for That Wilkin Boy. Set in the town of Midville, the comic has bumbling teen Bingo Wilkin singing in the band The Bingos and trying to romance his girlfriend Samantha while dealing with problems caused by her tough guy father Samson. If this all seems a little familiar, that’s because the That Wilkin Boy stories read like low-rent versions of Archie tales. Although the comic debuted in 1969, his relationship with the rest of the Archie universe was cloudy until it was revealed in 2006 that Bingo was in fact Jughead’s cousin. Not that anyone but the most die-hard of Archie continuity freaks cares.

4) Jellybean Jones

Serving the same role that Linus and Lucy’s baby brother Rerun does in the Peanuts comics, which is say absolutely none, Jellybean Jones is a precocious little ball of energy who is constantly causing problems for her loving big brother Jughead. Her pointless existence has been kicking comic fans in the nether regions since her 1994 debut.

3) Jughead’s Time Police

Say what you will about Archie Comics, but there’s no denying that the publishing company is willing to take chances. Why else would they issue a six-issue series in which Jughead’s hat is actually a time travel device that allows him to travel through time to fix irregularities in the space-time continuum? Further confusing matters, in the comic he falls in love with January McAndrews—Archie’s descendant from the 29th century.

Unbelievably, this was hardly the only insane Jughead-based comic to emerge from the early 1990s. Jughead’s Diner had the girl-hating burger eater running a restaurant populated by inter-dimensional creatures. But that’s not all! Around this time the Archie creative staff decided that readers desperately wanted to see Jug get involved with girls and develop an interest in skateboarding. So overnight Jughead became an extreme sports-loving ladies man whose aversion to the opposite sex was explained as a mixture of shyness and a broken heart he suffered in a previously unmentioned childhood love affair. Making matters worse, it seems that the reason he eats so much is because he’s nervous around the ladies. Personally, I think the Archie corporate higher ups missed a golden opportunity here. They should have explained away the true cause of Jug’s insatiable appetite in a brand new comic called Timmy Tapeworm: Jughead’s Parasite Pal. Hey, it wouldn’t have been any more lame than Archie’s R/C Racers.

2) Spire Christian Comics

Reading Archie comics can save your soul. Who knew? Apparently, Al Hartley did. After a stint working for Marvel, Hartley became a born again Christian and began to see his new job as an Archie Comics writer-artist as the perfect outlet to share his religious views. When his editors didn’t feel the same, he convinced Archie creator John L. Goldwater to license the characters to Spire Christian Comics, an evangelical publisher for whom he also worked. This unconventional (or wacko, if you prefer) arrangement spawned 19 comics—including Jughead’s Soul Food and Archie’s Sonshine—that featured everyone in Riverdale working to spread the word of God in stories that awkwardly mixed humor with heavy-handed preaching. Although their attempts to convert readers to Christianity used less menacing tactics then the bizarre Jack Chick tracts, the Spire Archie releases still remain a strange footnote in comic book history.

1) Pointless Character Redesigns

The most respected Archie Comics illustrators are Bob Montana (who initially created the look of the characters), Samm Schwartz (known for his classic Jughead stories) and Dan DeCarlo (the artist who established the contemporary design of the characters). All three men are now dead, so they escaped having to witness the horrible makeovers that Archie et al. have had to endure in recent years. Overhauling the look of established characters was nothing for the Archie Comics company, with noteworthy examples including the cartoony The New Little Archie and a successful manga re-envisioning of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. While these may have been drastic new interpretations, they were nothing compared to Steven Butler’s take on Betty and Veronica in their 2007 four-part miniseries Bad Boy Trouble. Aiming for a more realistic style, he had transformed two of the comic industry’s most beloved characters into a pair of dopey looking gals who appear to have eating disorders. While purists vehemently opposed the new look, corporate bigwigs were quick to mention that the classic Archie Comics look would remain in every book other than the Betty and Veronica Double Digest.

But the controversy spawned sales, which in turn inspired Jughead’s recent redesign in the four-part Jughead’s Double Digest story "The Matchmakers." The book’s “dynamic new look,” features art by Joe Staton and Al Migrom that has the characters appearing to be castoffs from an early Beverly Hills 90210 episode. With Archie rapidly approaching his 70th birthday, it makes sense for the publishers to occasionally shake things up. But regardless of how temporary these redesigns may be, they seem like a desperate attempt at relevancy that a company with such an impressive legacy should never have to stoop to.