A Judgment of Castlevania Judgment: Poopy

Posted at 11:57 AM Nov 19, 2008


Konami hates you so much. They wish you ill, and they are willing to spend a great deal of time and (well, a little) money in order to make you miserable. This is the only possible reason the 3-D Castlevania Judgment fighting game exists—which also apparently came out yesterday for the Wii, to zero fanfare—but it can't possibly be intended to be fun. Sure, you have a few Castlevania characters of interest like Simon, Alucard and Sylpha, but then there's also some little girl who likes animals, a fightin' nun, a vampiric prostitute clearly trying to replicate Soul Calibur's Ivy's decolletage, some big stupid golem thing, and more you care about even less. Then the combat looks bland, mostly thanks to the shockingly dull environments, which are all flat and square, and look like they were made for a late-gen PS1 game.

If you don't think Konami hates you, think about this—Konami spent time and money making this shitpile no one wanted when they could have been making the next-gen, 2-D Castlevania game everyone wants. That is hate, pure and simple.

Comments

Eno said:

Well they did make Order of Ecclesia recently.

Also, the "little girl who likes animals", I assume, is Maria from Rondo of Blood, one of the more influential and popular of the games in the series (who also appeared as an adult in Symphony of the Night) so I think most people will be happy with her inclusion... I mean, of the few who are at all interested in the game.

Tonberry2k said:

The "nun" is actually Shanoa from Order of Ecclesia. A good game, actually.
Though this game does look terrible. Maria (little girl) is obnoxious based solely on the videos I've seen of the game. There are no exciting villains aside from Dracula and Death in the Castlevania series, so a few had to be made up for the game. So we get Carmilla (the whore) and the oh-so-unique Golem.
And then there are the terrible character designs. Grant and Death look absolutely awful.

But hey, it could be worse. It could be MK vs DC vs Castlevania.

Snoodle said:

This came out already??
I have no desire to purchase it, but you'd think somebody would have said -something-...

Tonberry2k said:

I realized, while watching the trailer, that I have no idea who a lot of these characters are. Like the werewolf and guy who controls time.

But I wonder, will there be secret characters? It seems strange to include Simon and Trevor, or even Maria and Alucard, but not Richter. And the Vampire Sisters would be a unique addition. And I think The Creature with a little Flea Man on his shoulder would be great. But I digress...

I wonder if Carmilla is supposed to be Camilla?

MattK said:

The game looks like a love child between an orgy consisting of Soul Calibur, Guilty Gear X, and Darkstalkers (man, to have a Guilty Gear vs. Darkstalkers game...mmm...).

Considering the game was released to no buzz means it probably sucks and Konami wanted to get it on the market before critics got a hold of it. Too bad...trailer makes it look fun in a weird way.

DocOct said:

I agree with MattK on all points.

I'll give it a shot. Prolly a used copy though.

Legendofmatt said:

The game looks dumb and everyone would of prefered to play an awesomely illustrated 2-D castlevania, but it really does like slightly fun in a retarded way.

But yes, Konmai does hate us, example is suing ITG from making dance games after they abandoned the market only to reinstate it with much crap after the lawsuit.

LBD "Nytetrayn" said:

Tonberry> Yes, Carmilla has been misspelled as "Camilla" previously. And the werewolf guy is from one or both of the N64 games.

Matt> You're probably right; it looked like I was going to get to review it, and then I never heard anything about it again.

--LBD "Nytetrayn"

Uncle Soaky said:

Yikes. Whatever happened to the simon belmont that looked like conan with a whip from the first nes game? Why the hell do they make him a chunky biker girl with hot-pants (what do you think, better or worse than that feather-boa simon from castlevania chronicles?) The only way I would have been interested in this game is if they put every belmont in the game, each has there unique powers and abilities. But, they didn't so I'm not.

Wolfgang said:

Wow. Looks like someone has only played about 3 Castlevania games. Those are all real Castlevania characters (Sans for maybe Golem). Just because you don't recognize characters and aren't familiar with the series doesn't mean you should shun the game so badly.

sal said:

Was that a shark i saw come out of no-where? nom-nom-nom...
and whats with the Nancy Boy?

LBD "Nytetrayn" said:

Wolfgang> Yeah, there have been Golem enemies before.

And you're absolutely right, just because someone doesn't recognize all the characters and aren't familiar with the series doesn't mean they should shun the game so. Particularly because there are so many more reasons to shun it when you do know the characters and the series.

--LBD "Nytetrayn"

Kid Nicky said:

LMFAO at someone mad about a Castlevania not being true to it's roots,and than calling Maria "some little girl who likes animals." Sounds like a die hard fan!!!
I'm not saying the game's going to be great,but I'll wait for a review by someone who has actually played the game.

Zac said:

I know who all those characters are and I love the shit out of Castlevania, and this game looks like a crappy bottom-shelf half-assed Soul Calibur ripoff. Fuck this.

If Konami thought it were worth a damn and could get away with releasing this on the PS3 and the Xbox without being humiliated, it wouldn't be a Wii exclusive.

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