The 10 Biggest Robot Bastards

By Rob Bricken in Daily Lists
Tuesday, November 18, 2008 at 5:02 am

5) Roy Batty, Blade Runner

It’s easy to chide replicant Roy Batty for his murderous streak, or his annoying tendency to wax eloquent, misquote William Blake, and get all Christ-like while watching the night sky, talking about fiery angels falling, and ramming a nail through the palm of his hand. But really, Batty is on this list for one reason: the bastard gets to you. Damn you, Roy Batty. Damn you for making me care. Also, quit being so damn chatty. It's raining outside, jerk!

4) KITT, Knight Rider

Sarcastic, intolerant, irritable, and in love with the sound of his own automotive voice. That’s KITT, played by William Daniels, as foil to none other than the Hoff himself. KITT was frankly obnoxious, and seemed to enjoy it too—he knew he was the shit as high-tech talking vehicles went, and he obviously didn’t care what else you thought of him. The funny thing is, William Daniels played the exact same character as Chief of Surgery Dr. Mark Craig on St. Elsewhere, and no one noticed.

3) Thundercleese, The Brak Show

Thundercleese is your basic jerk-neighbor: overly concerned with his garden, lacking basic social skills, yearning for the sweet taste of battle, that sort of thing. But then again, any killbot with both a lightswitch of Total Devastation and a secret love of vacation surfing can’t be all bad.

2) Superman's Robots
superman-has-a-spanking-robot.jpglois-lane-robot-spanking.jpg
You know, you’d think if a superhero had the ability and wherewithal to actually build a secret army of super-men, he’d then use said secret army for, you know, things like saving airliners from crashing or evacuating villages from an approaching lava flow, or even catching bad guys. But no; these robots basically wait around in a Fortress of Solitude closet for Superman (whom they disturbingly call “Master”) to use them in yet another in a long line of schemes to trick Lois Lane. Now that’s heroism for you. Granted, this means that Superman is really the dick here, and that the robots are just programmed for dickishness, but you know, potato, pot-ah-to.

1) Bender, Futurama

Just because he works so hard at it. He smokes, he gambles, he whores it up, he cheats, he steals, and he lies. And he’s proud of all of it. Of course, like all true bastards, he has some saving grace; sure, he loves folk music, and sometimes a soft spot for his friends. But more importantly, he snuck into the Cantina scene in the Family Guy’s Blue Harvest, which is awesome. And he kidnapped Jay Leno’s disembodied head. That last one alone makes him my hero.


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