Star Wars Nutcrackers Do Nothing But Despise You
Posted at 2:05 PM Dec 03, 2008
These three Star Wars nutcrackers raise an interesting question of form versus function. Sure, they look pretty ugly, but hey (you might think)--they're nutcrackers. Perhaps they're supposed to look poorly sculpted, like the nutcrackers of yore. Or perhaps the nutcracking would be impeded if Yoda looked like Yoda and not a Mighty Mugg. But here's where the function part kicks in, because these nutcrackers don't crack nuts. They do not work. You have a nut? Don't put it in the mouths of Darth, Artoo or Yoda, because they can't do anything to release the nutty goodness you so desperately crave.
While I'm boggled that someone would, on purpose, make nutcrackers that don't work--this is not difficult technology to master, goddammit--I'm even more furious that the makers didn't even try to compensate that by making them not look like shit. I can only surmise that the maker loathe Star Wars fans so much that he would willingly spend his own money producing these little balls of hate. (Via Geekologie)
Comments
Maybe you just use them like a hammer to bludgeon the nuts into submission.
Posted 12/03/2008 at 11:16:05 AMIt looks like that Yoda doesn't even have the nut cracking part at the right place. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOUTH. Have they never been dragged to a ballet in their lives?!
Posted 12/03/2008 at 11:32:33 AMCan this really be any worse than what George Lucas has willfully done to Star Wars already?
Posted 12/03/2008 at 11:55:49 AMMy take, I think George requested that they not work.;
Just seams like something he'd do.
Also, Vader's light saber is up side down.
Posted 12/03/2008 at 12:39:58 PMEverybody knows that in these days, "Star Wars" sucks nuts, so it makes sense to license SW to something that breaks nuts, and since the fact that the nutcrackers suck balls, are we nuts to think they wouldn't suck?
The end.
Posted 12/03/2008 at 01:03:11 PMWe just got these in @ my work. I was stoked for about an 8th of a second, until I turned the box around and saw how shitty they look. AND they don't crack nuts?!?!
Posted 12/03/2008 at 02:07:46 PMWay to go, George..........
the r2 d2 doesnt look too bad. but it doesnt crack nuts? for shame...
Posted 12/03/2008 at 02:18:25 PMMaybe you're suppose to wack your desired nuts with it.
You can crack your nut by wacking it with these "nutcrackers."
Wack your nuts.
Posted 12/03/2008 at 06:59:50 PMI imagine the Darth Vader as some Chinese knock-off toy, where they changed the lightsaber for a laser cane and called him "Evil Space Dictator", or something like that.
Posted 12/03/2008 at 10:29:52 PM@Sean: Ha! Nicely put.
Posted 12/04/2008 at 08:27:10 AMDarth Vader has a lightsaber as a walking stick...?
Posted 12/04/2008 at 09:55:04 AMI just encountered those in person and found that they do, in fact, have nut-crack-promising articulation...below their mouths...and they open with a pull-tab, so there's not enough leverage to actually crack a nut.
But they at least have the equipment, vestigial and atrophied as it may be. Here I was, thinking they didn't even have that.
Posted 12/16/2008 at 12:20:21 PM