The 10 Types of Videos That Make Up 90% of YouTube
Posted at 5:02 AM Dec 12, 2008
By Shaun ClaytonAh, YouTube. One of the three most popular websites in the world, and probably the most dangerous, since the only thing you can do on YouTube is waste time by watching videos, and although some people like to waster other people's times by uploading said videos. Sure, YouTube is a great place to watch old commercials, illegal anime, videogame tricks, illegal TV shows, trailers, illegal cartoons and raps about robotic cops fighting Dick Jones, but those good things are actually just a very small portion of YouTube's library of content. Actually, 90% of YouTube's several million videos can easily be put into 10 distinct categories, and shockingly, none of the above are included.
10) The Internet Craze Du Jour
It appears to be if you do something in public that people would consider completely insane, but instead put it on YouTube, you become this Internet sensation. For example, you see some blonde crying man on the street screaming to "Leave Britney Alone!" Then you would probably cross the street immediately to get away from them. Yet, on You Tube, this man is an Internet star. If you see a kid on the street flailing around with a light saber, you would think he might be having a seizure. Yet, on You Tube, this kid is a sensation. See a man cover himself with chocolate syrup and sing...you get the idea. Sadly, this is what our technology has delivered. Not flying cars, but the democratization of video broadcasting, and the people have spoken with a retarded clapping and clicking of mice, long may we be punished for it.
9) Rednecks Blowing Up Shit
Most people would not think it is a good idea to put several pounds of TNT into an old car and set it off while being within range of jagged metal shards. Yet, for people living where even Google maps doesn't go, this is not just a good idea, but quality entertainment and must be shown to the world. ust a casual search through YouTube, one can see such quality programming as "Shooting a Full Propane Tank with a Shotgun" and "Blowing Up a Hornet Nest with An M-80." While these videos may be entertaining for the many very predictable mishaps that occur, one should realize with sorrow that in watching these videos you are probably watching the true face of America.
8) Insane 9/11 Conspiracy Theories
Never mind the thousands of eyewitness accounts of the attacks, or the thousands of people dead or injured, or the scientific analysis of the attacks done by experts! There are people on You Tube and abroud stills of video footage that clearly show that the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, were done by CIA agents who planted explosives in the twin towers while news agencies faked video footage and thousands of actors pretended to have relatives who died while space aliens worked with big oil to start a war in Iraq to capture the power of ancient ley lines that unleash the power of the Yeti! Clearly the Bush administration is not full of incompetent morons who can barely drink their way out of tough situations, but in reality full of evil super geniuses who can pull of the greatest conspiracy of the history of mankind and laugh about it from their lair atop Mount Skull! I think if a YouTube video did reveal the truth about a huge nefarious conspiracy, then the fabric of reality will break down, cats will chase apes, and the universe will explode in a shower of wooden buffalo nickels.
7) Fake Snuff Films
It's one thing to want to search YouTube for snuff films. It is another thing entirely to come across something that is the lamest excuse for a snuff film that you can possibly imagine. If I can put a pair of pants next to a pair of shoes sticking out of a couch and say "Oh no! The couch just ate someone!" I will reflexively punch myself for being so stupid. If I further film this effort and put it on YouTube with the title of "MAN EATEN BY COUCH!II" Part of my brain will attempt to shut down in an effort to kill me. Other people apparently don't have that higher brain function. These people post footage of a shirt with ground beef in it with the title "MANS HEAD EXPLODE!!!" They also post videos in which a generic explosion generated from a pirated copy of After Effects is so cool they have to make their friends blow up over and over again. Somewhere a time machine is being built to stop the invention of filmmaking.
6) Video Blogs of People Who Should Not Be Allowed to Make Video Blogs
Everyone wants to talk about him or herself, everyone wants to be liked, but very very very very few people have lives that are interesting enough for other people to want to sit through and want to listen to them talk about. Yet, YouTube is filled with videos, video blogs, "vlogs" or "eeeccchhh" where people with uninteresting lives talk about them as if someone is watching, intently, with interest, possibly taking notes to record these moments down in human history. Search through the darkness YouTube and you will see these stories of human tragedy played out over and over again as lonely individuals stare into their webcams, blather into them, and provide solid evidence for the validity of assisted suicide.
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Comments
Wow, that loser's vlog got pulled already. Must not have liked the publicity/scorn/humiliation.
Also, that teenage girl's TALENZ video was avant-garde. I was wondering how long she was going to ramble on about how she didn't like the video background. That was totally, uh, *hawt*.
Posted 12/12/2008 at 05:27:46 AMDude, you forgot lame edited together clips of the old mario show, and those silly zelda things. Just about every other video is one of those!
Posted 12/12/2008 at 05:36:47 AMAnd I thought 90% of YouTube was just various duplicates of the RickRoll video with a different title to "trick" people... ;)
Posted 12/12/2008 at 06:04:21 AMAw, what about Abridged versions of anime (multiple versions of Bleach, Pokemon and Dragonball) and breast expansion videos?
Posted 12/12/2008 at 06:04:30 AMyou're missing all the millions of videos that feature crappy anime footage set to nearly every song you can imagine!
Posted 12/12/2008 at 06:20:07 AMHow about the millions of videos where people think they're cool by taking movie / tv / game footage and adding music. You know those people who take a perfectly functioning Terminator Salvation trailer and swap the entire audio track with some random crap stoner music.
Posted 12/12/2008 at 06:21:50 AMI think "Concerts filmed on a crappy cellphone 100 ft from the stage" should be on the list.
I guess they kind of go in under #3, but still, very nice list.
Posted 12/12/2008 at 06:36:23 AMCompliments on the snarky writing on this list, but why shit on YouTube when TR is 90% links to it?
I've not seen the videos of skateboarders eating it, nor the rednecks blowing stuff up for laughs, maybe there should be a YouTube channel for all things Beavis & Butthead.
Posted 12/12/2008 at 07:33:21 AMHey! Quit talking about my band like that!
Posted 12/12/2008 at 08:36:13 AMDont forget the homemade "covers" of every song under the sun done by talentless kids with fumbly fingers. An even weirder subset of that though is the shockingly tremendous number of videos from college a capella groups, who think they arent being made fun of because they do Radiohead or Daft Punk songs. And is it me or has it become obligatory for evey glee club to do "stand by me" and, oddly enough, Gone by Ben Folds?
Posted 12/12/2008 at 08:39:58 AMhow could you forget anime amv's???
Posted 12/12/2008 at 11:07:47 AMZach beat me to it. And let me just add the same for video games, like Super Smash Bros. Melee. Man, can't a guy find just one video of Giga Bowser to show someone that doesn't have Powerman 5000 drowning out everything else?
--LBD "Nytetrayn"
Posted 12/12/2008 at 12:19:45 PMPhotoboy made me smile with his comment about the RickRolled videos
Thanks for the info on YouTube having plenty of
Posted 12/12/2008 at 12:22:24 PMexplosions recorded for my entertainment. I'll
have to check those out. Yeah, I know you're
dissing those videos, but I think I'm going
to like them. KABOOOOM !!
Wait, so Borg = Jedi? That doesn't makes sense... does it?
Posted 12/12/2008 at 12:46:36 PMI second the crappy anime footage set to some terrible pop song. Every time I go to the site, some fan-made anime video pops up on that "what people are watching now" toolbar. Whenever someone says that YouTube is changing the visual medium and revolutionizing the way we communicate, remind them that 80% of its users are 13-year-old anime fans and/or shut-ins.
Posted 12/12/2008 at 01:43:43 PMOh God, the fanvids. Like everyone mentioned before, it's not like the SW v. ST mash-up, but just any show/movie/whatever edited and set to shit music like Nickleback, usually by highlighting a particular 'ship. Look for the Half-Blood prince trailer, and see all the crap Harry/Ginny, Harry/Draco (ick), or Draco/Hermione (arrgh- flashbacks to FFF!) fanvids.
I also can't believe how many people put up vids of themselves beating boards on videogames. There's no music- just them beating stuff. Especially [insert song here] of Guitar Hero on expert.
Posted 12/12/2008 at 04:26:44 PMyou forgot random videos with Lincoln park playing in the background. Seriously just look up for favorite TV show and theres bound to be at least a dozen videos with emo music over it
Posted 12/12/2008 at 08:29:30 PMand you forgot the never ending amount of soccer videos ones has to wade through
Posted 12/12/2008 at 08:45:56 PMHow could you include Brookers in this? Brookers is hilarious and she's been on YouTube forever- people watched her because she used to make clever and funny videos. They've kind of went downhill though.
Posted 12/12/2008 at 08:52:41 PMdoes anyone know what #6's username is?
Posted 12/12/2008 at 08:55:23 PMI agree that most of what you can see
on YouTube is a waste of time, but
it is fun. On the other hand, I have seen some
good tutorials and information.
thanks from tony
Posted 12/12/2008 at 08:58:05 PMWow, does anyone realize that there is a deer right next to that car the blows up?
Posted 12/12/2008 at 10:19:25 PMLOL! No. 2 is SOOO true! What is it about the Internet that a pretty girl can get away with saying nothing and still being popular!!
(anyone got any good links to pretty girls talking about nothing?)
Posted 12/12/2008 at 10:27:36 PMWhat about local "comedy" groups making low budget sketches and putting them online for the talentless masses to belittle:
Posted 12/12/2008 at 10:50:33 PMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD-ibKQtcuU
whAT IN THE FUCK
that BROOKE CHICK AS HOT OMGGG EWWW
Posted 12/12/2008 at 11:08:52 PMUnder the teenage girl category, what about the endless slew of vids featuring atrocious dancing to the worst, most horrible music ever to be heard, EVAR!!! There is no end to young girls trying to be sexy on their web cams, which wouldn't be bad if there weren't so many that fall deathly short of that goal. Though YouTube is rapidly becoming the violence/masturbation channel, there are plenty of news and educational programs on it. The true evolution comes when people are able to make the decision to watch more fulfilling programing, thus creating a realm where both crude and intelligent user generated vids can get equal exposure. As it stands currently, some people like their horse porn...
Posted 12/13/2008 at 01:48:29 AMYou missed out on remixing videos with Lincoln Park.
90% of YouTube is a video that already exists on YouTube dubbed over with some random Lincoln Park song.
Posted 12/13/2008 at 05:53:47 AMYou missed out on remixing videos with Lincoln Park.
90% of YouTube is a video that already exists on YouTube dubbed over with some random Lincoln Park song.
Posted 12/13/2008 at 05:54:37 AMSeriously? No, you really don't spend enough time on Youtube to qualify to make this list.
Posted 12/13/2008 at 07:24:52 AMI thought this one was pretty good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AvBL2Mx2xA
Posted 12/13/2008 at 07:52:36 AMOh, and girls. What about any video that has a hot girl in it?
Posted 12/13/2008 at 10:52:09 AMI used to be a homeless rodeo clown but now I am a world class magician !
Posted 12/13/2008 at 11:48:22 AMDude, you're right on with your views here. Nice job!
Posted 12/13/2008 at 04:11:38 PMSomeone mentioned crappy anime videos with songs. Not all of them are crappy dude. Some enhance the songs and makes it even better. "Yes I did a anime song video" But it came from my heart.
Posted 12/13/2008 at 04:42:13 PMThe horror of 'video background girl' is that she's on a one-way trip to the darkness she's attracting and due to the wonder of the internet, there's plenty of Marquis-in-training waiting to cause her to be a stripper when she grows up (or run into Chris Hansen, but I believe they can't do that anymore. Score one for the pedophiles.)
Posted 12/14/2008 at 09:34:26 AMYou forgot to add backyard wrestling videos. Everyone likes to watch a couple of inbred retards hitting each other with chairs because they think wrestling is "real".
Posted 12/14/2008 at 02:12:49 PMThere are gems in there, too, though. One of the great talents on my Favorites list is Stevie Riks, who really SHOULD have his own show or something. He's fricking unbelievable. He is a musician/impressionist. He does impressions of Bowie, Elvis, the Beatles, and many more, and they're all spot-on. He actually performs all the music himself, and plays multiple roles in his videos. You'll find it hard to believe it's the same guy playing both John Lennon and David Bowie.
Posted 12/18/2008 at 08:52:33 PMClick my URL link to get to one of his best videos- The White Album- and look for his Bowie videos, because his impression is about the best there is.
Somewhere in the top 10 should have been 'Lightsaber twirling tutorials'.
Posted 12/21/2008 at 11:45:46 PMgreat list!
in addition to #7: fake snuff films
Posted 12/22/2008 at 12:26:04 AM-really stupid martial arts and other parodies with retards making "bruce lee" noises and the cameraman with the filming skill of a vibrator with parkinsons and laughing like a kookaburra on pot
-tag spamming (this post will probably be deleted if i actually post the tags here)
-misleading titles and a random cool image stuck right in the middle of the video to trick the icon system
This list was ok but how could you skip over the obvious Giant zit rom a spider bite being popped....
and the all too popular and invasive BABY LAUGHING.
also the jonas brothers could maybe be on the list
Posted 12/22/2008 at 09:14:27 AMWas number 2 related to number 10?
Posted 12/22/2008 at 09:47:34 AMI'm missing ghost videos harr... You know, the ones with the shimmering bit of dust that crosses the cam of a convenience store.
Posted 12/23/2008 at 05:53:09 AMi agree all people who blog expect for a few deserved to be shot
Posted 12/24/2008 at 11:54:28 PMAgree..
Posted 01/26/2009 at 08:15:26 AMthe most of what you can watch
on YouTube is a waste of time.
But there are a lot of funny movies that makes your mood good ;)