Phew! This was one hell of a rough week, and there's wasn't lot of good nerd news to make up for all the bad nerd news, in my opinion. Still, about the only thing I can do is make up another TR contest, and let you guys vent, and potentially win a shirt. So this is open to any cartoon, not just the standard G.I. Joe/He-Man crowd, but it does have to be a specific episode (no just saying "Scrappy Doo" and leaving it at that). Will you pick one of Cobra Commander's most ludicrously stupid plans, because G.I. Joe was your favorite? A Snorks episode that insulted even your 6-year-old intelligence? One of those weird, little seen specials, like the terrifying Garfield Fantasies 'toon seen to the right? I'm looking forward to reading your heaps of vitriol. Links to YouTube videos would be swell, but not necessary; as always, check out the rules here. One more warning: I read Worst Cartoons Ever too, so no cheating, kids. See you on Monday. 

The return of Blood Bowl to videogame consoles, or, as it might better me called, the spiritual successor to Mutant League Football. Basically, it's based on Warhammer's old-tabletop game about monsters playing football and/or killing each other, and it is totally, totally awesome. I'd like to tell you about the modes and the fact you can play the game turn-based (!), but I'm too busy throwing the devil horns because of the field where lines are on fire and the players wielding the chainsaws.

Sometimes, life can be good. Thank you, Blood Bowl, for reminding me of that.

There's two things you need to know about this story, co-written by Harley Quinn hyenaholic and Ryan. First, it's about the new Transformers Animated versions of Jazz and Bumblebee, although if you'd like you can probably re-frame it as whichever versions you'd like. Here's the second thing:

Harley: This will not be pleasant. A Transformers Animated fic that may or may not be a one-shot. You saw the warnings. Sexual abuse abound in this one-shot. But I'm tired of people seemingly thinking that rape is the only sexual abuse worth writing about. So, I arranged this with Ryan.

Ryan: It gets pretty nasty, but there is no technical penetration. It does not go 'all the way', or involve vast amounts of physical pain, or even any particular malice, but that doesn't mean it's any less traumatising, which is kind of the point Harley wanted to get across.

Harley: Decepticon/Autobot sexual abuse just seemed too cliché. So I remembered that time I wrote about Sonic raping Amy, and this is Autobot/Autobot. It's Jazz doing it because he was the only Autobot I could even vaguely imagine doing something like this.

I admit I'm morbidly curious to find out if you guys think consensual Powerpuff Girls sex is more or less disturbing than non-consensual Transformers sex. Let's find out after the jump, shall we?

Okay, let me get this straight, Batman: Arkham Asylum game. You're Batman. You find the Joker, who bizarrely gives up without a fight. You take him to Arkham Asylum and you're surprised when it turns out to be an elaborate trap? For shame, Batman -- for shame. I suppose there are two reasons for this: 1) having that massive body is preventing the proper blood flow to the Michael Keaton-esque tiny Batman head on top of it, or 2) more likely, Batman has other videogames on his mind.

There's no cure for the horrible, brain-melting insanity of the G.I. Joe movie, which clearly would rape your eye sockets if it could take corporeal form in its relentless quest to eradicate joy from the world of the living. However, you can ease a bit of the pain by checking a few new awesome Watchmen pics from Empire and Total Film magazines. Above we have Nite Owl's Antarctica suit, which is quite...ahem..cool.


And this is just a new smoking hot pic of Silk Spectre II. Two more after the jump.

Update: The pics are gone. Paramount apparently freaked out, forcing Hasbro to ask me kindly to take the filecards down, which I always appreciate more than threats. The original text is now all after the jump; I'm sure you can find the pics online if you're determined, but you have my solemn promise that seeing them won't bring you any happiness whatsoever. Also, there's a huge movie spoiler still at the end of this article, so don't go lookin' if you don't wanna know.

Ha ha! This nightstand sounds just like Chewbacca! Funny? sure. Newsworthy? Debatable. But I could not start my day and yours with the horrible, mind-blowingly bad G.I. Joe movie news which is coming up next. So seriously -- enjoy the Wookiee Cabinet. Because it's downhill from here.

By Chris Cummins

"Lost civilizations. Extraterrestrials. Myths and monsters. Missing Persons. Magic. Witchcraft. Unexplained Phenomena. In Search of... cameras are traveling the world, seeking out these great mysteries. This program was the result of the work of scientists, researchers and a group of highly skilled technicians."

With those words ended each episode of In Search of..., the 1976-1982 documentary series in which Leonard Nimoy tried his hardest to solve the world's most baffling mysteries. Presenting "information based in part on theory and conjecture," the show tackled subjects ranging from alien abduction to the disappearance of Glenn Miller during its six-year run. Other than Nimoy's occasional porn stache and an amazing moog-heavy soundtrack--the album of which is begging for a re-release--the most memorable thing about the series is how it covered its subject matter with the utmost respect and seriousness. (This was no small task given how the series once featured an episode devoted to communicating with plants). Tragically unavailable on DVD, In Search of... is a journey into the bizarre that paved the way for Ripley's Believe It or Not, Unsolved Mysteries, The X-Files and Ghost Hunters. Since most episodes can be easily tracked down online, the time seems right for a look at the series' greatest installments. Throw on a tin foil hat, and let's get things started.

We've had a lot of fun imaginging Alan Moore's homicidal rage at the plethora of Watchmen movie merchandise over the last few months, but it takes a massive franchise relaunch like Star Trek to remind us that Watchmen is really just a small fish in a very large barrel. We've seen the horrible toys from Playmates, of course, but TrekMovie.com has a list of other upcoming products for the upcoming flick, including Star Trek Monopoly, bobbleheads, posters, apparel, jewelry, cookie jars, cufflinks, and much, much more. It's all a bit ridiculous, until...

GenkiWear, LLC is developing a trio of fragrances celebrating classic Star Trek. "Tiberius," "Pon Farr" and "Red Shirt" fragrances will be available in stores in the spring

HOLY. LIVING. SHIT.

I am not prepared to live in a world wear there is Star Trek-themed perfume, okay? Forget the "Red Shirt" one, because it assumably will smell like sweat and fear and having just pissed yourself in fear, but "Pon Farr"? The Vulcan mating time, when they basically hump anything that moves? How was this not recognized as the worst idea in the entire world immediately? Also, how can you wear a scent based on James T. Kirk, the galaxy's greatest poonhound, and not get fucked to death by hot green-skinned alien women?

Okay, "Tiberius" might be okay. But I highly disapprove of the others.

• Fox is remaking Predator. Before you slits your wrists, it's not quite as dire as some of the remakes floating about, in that it's going to be produced by Robert Rodriguez and his studio, who wants to have a group of commandos fighting a whole race of Predators. It might not work out, but at least he wants to try something new. FilmDrunk thinks Jason Statham should star, and I 100% agree.

• There's going to be a Ghost Rider sequel, because, well, for no fucking reason whatsoever. Nic Cage has already signed up, of course. (Via /film)

• The third Chronicles of Narnia film, abandoned by Disney, has been saved by Fox. Fox will pay for Voyage of the Dawn Treader, despite the second film grossing half of The Lion, The With and the Wardrobe, and the third film having almost none of the previous characters. I guess they had to blow their Watchmen settlement money somwhere. (Via Variety)