Fan Fiction Friday: Rattlor in "The General's Lover"

Posted at 2:29 PM Jan 09, 2009

I can't tell you how wonderful it was having effectively three weeks off of Fan Fiction Friday. Sorting through the depraved minds of the internet week after week has a way of...well, making me cry and drink until I fall unconscious, really. I'm sure many of you were hoping for a mind-blowing tale of perversion and filth, but I just had to ease myself back into it. Of course, easing back into it still means:

OK I recently watched the new He-Man dvd's (the series from 2002-2003) and thought it was pretty decent. I liked the characters more than the stories, and really liked the Snake Men storyline. They were menacing and a real threat, and damn sexy imho. A pairing came to mind, and what I liked about it was it was so unexpected. (This pairing was never in the show, nor even hinted at, but it came to MY warped mind.) Anyway, read this from beginning to end (NO peeking at the end!!!) and see if you can imagine it as I did. On purpose I'm leaving Rattlor's lover's identity a secret until the very end.

Yes, author A Sexy Gargoyle has a thing for the Snake Men in general, and Rattlor in particular. Why Rattlor as opposed to Tung Lashor, Ssssqueeze, or King Hiss? I haven't the foggiest, and hope I never find out.

Rattlor smiled, his tongue flicking out, tasting the air, so full of the girl's scent. He moved his hand lower in response to her moan, sliding over one breast. She arched as he knew she would, one of her legs sliding up his.

She looked at him through half-closed eyes and reached an arm around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. She tasted good, and her soft lips, full and warm, slid deliciously over his own mouth. Her free hand came up, and she caressed his jaw with her fingertips, smiling with satisfaction as he moaned into her mouth. She heard his tail rattle slightly beneath the sheets and her smile widened. Still smiling, she kissed down his throat and chest, disappearing beneath the satin sheets.

What terrifies me is that other than a few descriptors, this sex scene could be describing almost any heterosexual couple. Except THAT IT'S ABOUT FUCKING RATTLOR FROM MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. JESUS.

He suddenly gripped her shoulders and rolled over, sucessfully capturing her beneath him. Her legs spread for him, and he settled between them. ... She gasped and thrust her hips agaisnt his, and he was ready. Keeping her breast in his mouth he slid into her forcefully, and she nearly went limp in his arms. He moved slowly at first as he continued to enjoy her breasts as well. He knew she would come the first time quickly, she always did. True to experience, she thrust her hips against him and came soon, whispering his name in a breathless pant. He chuckled then, and she clutched him tighter from the vibration of his body. Now that she had had her first climax he became more forceful, thusting into her until he finally had to release her breast, panting and groaning. His own release came more quickly than usual and he wrapped both arms around her, holding her to his chest tightly as she came again as he did, both frantically thrusting their hips together.

Are for the Incredible Surprise of Rattlor's Fuckbuddy? You aren't, because you haven't hit the jump yet.

When it was over, both lay breathing deeply in a tangle of arms, legs and his tail. Still erect, he withdrew and turned her so they lay on their sides, her back to his chest. His tail wrapped around one of her legs, lifting it over his own thigh. She sucked in a breath as he slid into her again, this time thrusting harder and faster. They were both soon breathless, and she lifted her arm above her head, around the back of his neck. He licked at her shoulder as he continued to thrust, his tail constricting around her leg with every motion of his hips. Both climaxed quickly, and lay limp and exhausted afterwards.

She sighed and turned in his arms, kissing his chest lightly. He smiled down at her and lifted her leg over his thigh, his arm going over her waist.

"Will you stay here with me tonight?" she asked. He drew in a breath. Those lovely green eyes...

"Yes. I will, Teela."

Her smile was warmer than the coming sunrise.

DUNH DUNH DUNH!!! I'm sure none of you saw that coming, especially since there are only three goddamn females in the MotU universe and you had a 33% chance of guessing her identity. Now, the reason I had to pick this story is because of the "epilogue," where a Sexy Gargoyle explains how she/he has put in waaaaaay too much thought about this particular pairing.

OK, so if you read the fic you know now that the General's lover was...Teela! Surprise! Lol, yeah I know that's an unlikely pair. But, if you think about it, it has the potential to be one of those great cliche romances. Let's examine:

They are both warriors, and warriors tend to respect warriors. Teela is young, but still a kick-ass warrior. In the show, it struck me that she was determined to show she could "hang with the guys" so to speak. Not that she was rash or impetuous, but I think alot of her "driving force" was to prove herself, yet she was still tempered with good sense and caution. This is a quality I think that could impress Rattlor. I think the Snake Men generally don't respect humans because they are weak in their eyes and fearful. In short, cowards. But Teela would fight Rattlor on equal terms without fear or hesitation, and I think that could win his gruding respect and perhaps even admiration. We all know that great love is based on...yep, r-e-s-p-e-c-t. So that could be the foundation for Rattlor falling for Teela. However, I think, being evil for so long, it would probably be an obssession for him before he would consider it love. What I mean is he would be determined to have her, and try to get her by any means he could. This of course would not be attractive to Teela, and would probably make her resistant, and of course, that would make Rattlor even more persistent. So how would Teela fall for Rattlor? Well, he'd have to change a bit, or at least show a side of himself that she never imagined.

Dude, you're written a story about a snake man fucking a cartoon character. No one's worried about it being feasible, all right?

Here's a couple scenarios in which this is feasable in my opinion:

1. Teela and Rattlor are fighting (somehow they came across each other) far from either side. Teela and/or Rattlor are injured, and have to rely on each other to make it back to "civilization". He would have a chance to demonstrate his respect for her warrior status by helping her, claiming he'd rather defeat her himself in combat than have her die slowly in the wilderness or defeat her while she's injured. She wouldn't like relying on him of course, but wouldn't have a choice. They could even save each other's lives a time or two (maybe from a wild beast or something). They would not (of course) fall into each other's arms. This would just be a beginning to seeing each other differently.

Well, of course. It would be ludicrous to think otherwise.

2. Teela and Duncan are captured by the Snake Men and Hiss wants to torture them before destroying them. This could bother Rattlor a bit, perhaps he doesn't like to torture. He kills of course, and even enjoys it, but maybe torture bothers him. And perhaps he's seen enough of Teela by now to have developed that respect for her skills, and especially doesn't want to see her tortured. He could free them without the others knowing, or at least look the other way when they escape, easing his conscience a bit. Teela of course would wonder why he would help them, and later become determined to try and sway him to leave the Snake Men, perhaps convincing him that following Hiss will destroy his people. (I think he'd rise up against Hiss if he thought it was for the good of the Snakes.)

An impressive read of Rattlor's deep characterization, given his lack of screen time. You can read the full story here, but I promise you've read most of it. And I'll hopefully be back up to wanting to make us all kill ourselves next week.