The 10 Most Unfairly Toyless Women
Posted at 5:03 AM Jan 12, 2009
By Todd CiolekFrom He-Man to Dragon Flyz, the male-dominated toy empires of the past two decades strove to build some façade of sexual equality in their cartoons. Even those shows clearly made for nobody but violent 8-year-old boys inserted prominent female characters just to keep the child psychologists happy. Yet bias reigned when it came to the actual toys tied to those cartoons. Aside from G.I. Joe and a few others, the manly toy lines of the '80s and '90s paid little attention to the women of their animated 22-minute commercials. Action figures based on female characters were normally made only after a toy venture was popular enough to get lunchboxes, kid-size tents, and other merchandise that could make up for one feminine toy which, the marketers might assure you, would never sell.
In time-honored playground language, this wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to the girls who liked Transformers and Inhumanoids just as much as (or more than) My Little Pony. It wasn't fair to the boys who weren't ashamed to admit that the thuggish, lipstick-wearing Crusher was the coolest Go-Bot. It wasn't fair to the fans who felt a constant void in their lives from not having Lydia figures in their collections of Kenner's crappy Beetlejuice toys. All of these were crimes against equal rights and childhood materialism, and the following list is going to let the world know it by running through the ten greatest injustices in the world of toyless female characters.
10) Virulina from Visionaries
One of the lesser-known Sunbow attempts at duplicating G.I. Joe's toy-and-cartoon success, Visionaries is a weirdly bleak saga of one of those post-apocalyptic worlds where armored sorcerers battle each other with holograms. It's Guy Stuff, to be sure, but the mostly clean-shaven heroes and the mostly bearded villains each have a token woman in their ranks. The Spectral Knights have Galadria, a blond, sensible type whose assigned magical imagery involves dolphins. Slightly more interesting is the scheming, antisocial, disease-commanding Virulina. Though she's just about the only member of the Darkling Lords who doesn't have facial hair, Virulina has a bizarre reverse widow's peak and, for her totem animal, a holographic shark. Keeping with the laws set down by professional wrestling and martial-arts flicks, Virulina spends the show feuding primarily with Galadria, though she can be seen duping some of the stupider male Spectral Knights.
With high production costs and a lineup of similar-looking characters, Visionaries struggled in the crowded '80s toy market. Galadria and Virulina weren't invited to join the first wave of action figures; such was standard practice for toy makers circa 1987. The line collapsed before another batch of figures could be rolled out in 1988, but this never-produced round of new heroes and villains didn't include either woman. Yes, a guy with a beetle hologram got a toy, but not an evildoer who had a friggin' shark. More on these shark-related inequities will come later.
9) Talyn from Skeleton Warriors
A cartoon and toy line seemingly based on bad heavy-metal album covers, Skeleton Warriors carried the hopes of Playmates executives who needed a Ninja Turtles-caliber hit for the mid-1990s. Set in some medieval-techno world that kids clearly weren't supposed to think about too much, the cartoon casts a trio of justice-defending royal siblings as the only force capable of resisting Baron Dark and his newly flesh-free warriors, all of whom made impressively detailed toys. The line bombed, proving too scary for very young children, too simplistic in tone for older kids, and too grim for the hordes of Power Rangers fans. Besides, Baron Dark? Seriously?
Playmates also bungled the Skeleton Warriors toys by releasing the monstrous villains first. The less ghoulish heroes were saved for months later, after Skeleton Warriors had burned off whatever interest it might have created. Well, most of the heroes were made, at least. Talyn, the redheaded sister to two quarreling-yet-heroic brothers, was never part of the released line, though Playmates had two different figures designed, one more scantily clad and heavily armed than the other. Talyn may seem a generic heroine from a generic show, yet at least one article out there claims her action figure would have saved Skeleton Warriors. In truth, nothing really saved it; not the PlayStation and Saturn games, not the cartoon, and certainly not one skeletal toy's cameo in the family film The Indian in the Cupboard.
8) Judge J. B. McBride from Bravestarr
A few things kept Judge McBride from joining the Bravestarr toy lineup, aside from the no-girls-allowed rule that governed many an '80s cartoon's first spate of action figures. J.B looks a little too normal next to the rest of the Bravestarr supporting cast, as she isn't a cyborg horse or a green-skinned alien bartender or a two-foot-tall munchkin with the shrillest voice Charlie Adler could muster. She's just a frontier magistrate who interprets space-Western laws, grants space-Western divorces, and, with the title character's assistance, provides this strange little interlude in the Bravestarr movie.
Her contribution to Bravestarr's futuristic-cowboy milieu is a gavel, which the show nobly tries to make interesting and toy-friendly. It's not clear how this would have translated into an action figure accessory, but Mattel was going to try it anyway by putting a J.B. McBride figure in the line's second wave. Bravestarr failed before that could happen, thus leaving the market for judicial-branch toys pitifully barren.
7) Jenny from Bucky O'Hare
Bucky O'Hare was a toy-minded line right down to the comic's original character designs, so it's doubly sad that the green space rabbit and his fellow animal-people revolutionaries didn't fare too well as action figures. To hear Bucky co-developer and comic artist Neal Adams tell it, Hasbro miscalculated when dividing up the first toys, resulting in store aisles lined with the sneering, wart-covered, and thoroughly unappealing Toad Air Marshall figure instead of Bucky himself. It was the equivalent of young Star Wars fans wandering into Toys "R" Us to find an entire wall of nothing but that tubby Rancor Keeper.
Hasbro also balked at putting out a figure of the show's female lead, even though it was carded and ready to go. Jenny, a psychic cat-woman who serves as Bucky's second-in-command (and disturbing, cross-species love interest), is heavily featured in the Bucky O'Hare cartoon and videogames. While the four-armed duck and the one-eyed robot and the completely unnecessary human kid were greenlit for toys, Jenny wasn't seen as a bankable character. So her toy was moved from the first wave to the second, to be released after all of those Toad Air Marshalls made the Bucky O'Hare brand a certified hit. Guess whether or not that second wave was canceled.
6) Mainframe, Nightshade and others from C.O.P.S.
C.O.P.S., the cartoon and toy property set apart from the live-police-footage show by all-important periods, is occasionally praised for putting out most of its major characters in a short amount of time. Yet it still played by the same rules as other action-figure lines of the 1980s, and the women from the TV show had to wait until the men had cleared a spot on toy shelves. That spot was never clear enough, and so C.O.P.S. fans never saw figures of Mainframe, Mirage, Nightshade, and Ms. Demeanor.
In Hasbro's defense, the show's female cast members are tougher to turn into gimmicky toys. The male characters of C.O.P.S. have ready-made action features, such as Buttons McBoomBoom's flip-out torso machine guns. By contrast, Mainframe is...well, the resident computer expert. Mirage is an undercover cop who's barely present in the show's intro. Neither career lends itself well to battle-action plastic. The villains might fare a little better: Nightshade is a jewel thief with a variety of stealth-aiding devices, and the super-strong Ms. Demeanor's toy could pull off some destructive feat. What's more, the C.O.P.S. toy line always hedged its bets by giving every character a gun that used real caps. You could make a decent action figure out of Nightshade's zipline and amazing spiked mullet, but only a cap-firing, adult-annoying miniature firearm will get it on the wish-lists of children everywhere
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Comments
Not only did Nightshade not get her own toy, but there was an episode of C.O.P.S. in which she lost her ethnicity.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 05:48:04 AMShe was always presented as being black/vaguely "other" on the show, but there was an episode in which she teamed up with...Mace? One of the C.O.P.S. at any rate. More specifically, one of the white C.O.P.S. The storyline called for a bit of a star-crossed romance, culminating with a kiss. For that episode, her "shade" was considerably more day than night. IIRC, she started out looking the way she normally did, but as the episode - and romance - progressed, she gradually became more and more Caucasian afer each commercial break, just in time to be fully white for the kissing scene.
I would add to that list Princess Aura from the New Adventures of Flash Gordon cartoon from around 1979. Easily the best version of Aura this side of Ornella Muti, this figure would have been greatly appreciated in the disturbingly female-free series of figures. (Yeah, there was no Dale Arden either.)
Doc
Posted 01/12/2009 at 06:31:12 AMIn time-honored playground language, this wasn't fair.
It was eminently fair. Insisting that toy companies waste plastic producing female characters in the name of "equal rights" that no one but sad nerds and a few girls and boys would purchase is not fair.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 06:44:13 AMChunga-lunga. There are a surprising amount of Pirates of Dark Water fans hidden out there. I came home from work about 2 months ago to find my roommates watching it on youtube, and it rained chocolate.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 07:07:29 AM"It was the equivalent of young Star Wars fans wandering into Toys "R" Us to find an entire wall of nothing but that tubby Rancor Keeper."
Posted 01/12/2009 at 07:33:35 AMOr worse, the Rancor Keeper's girlfriend - which actually has happened to me on MANY occasions now. Recently I've walked into toy aisles (looking for 25th Ann. GI Joes) and seen pegs and pegs full of the most recent "Fan's Choice" figure: The Rancor Keeper's Girlfriend. Who wanted that figure? I suspect ballot stuffing.
Come on, Scorpina from Power Rangers oughta at least be on the darn list.
List of things that give me boners.
Also of women that should have been toys. Because she should have.
I'm very tired.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 08:55:00 AMWhy doesn't anyone like Arcee. She did her fair bit of fighting in those episodes. At least she didn't have a speech impediment like practically all the rest of the 3rd season Autobots.
At any rate, I'm still waiting for a G1 toy of her. A few prototypes were tossed around but none were ever actually released.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 09:01:43 AMGreat article...lotsa forgotten old friends, there. (Most of whom had to wait until after we got the Glowing Hydro-Armor variants of the heroes' figures to come out before they got their chance at being denied a figure, at that. ::angry grumbling::)
But hey, I keep sayin'...Rogue from X-Men: Evolution. Or Jean. Or Mystique. Or Mystique taking on human appearence just to walk from her front door to the mailbox one chilly morning, wearing fuzzy bear paw slippers, an oversized sweatshirt, and no makeup. ANYTHING but the lineup they ended up choosing.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 09:48:49 AMI'm probably the only kid who was ever upset by this, but I always wanted a figure of Queen Marlena to go with my Prince Adam and King Randor. Nothing screams all-out action-figure fun like "Eternian Royal Family."
Posted 01/12/2009 at 10:01:43 AMThe Teen Titans 5" action figure line didn't have any of the girls (Starfire, Raven, etc) for some bizarre reason... and I can't recall seeing any of the girls at all in the Naruto toy line. I mean, no Hinata, Ino or Sakura? No wonder those figures always get sent to the markdown bin. At least the Dragon Ball Z lines knew to put out Bulma and Videl.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 10:46:40 AMThe Teen Titans 5" action figure line didn't have any of the girls (Starfire, Raven, etc) for some bizarre reason... and I can't recall seeing any of the girls at all in the Naruto toy line. I mean, no Hinata, Ino or Sakura? No wonder those figures always get sent to the markdown bin. At least the Dragon Ball Z lines knew to put out Bulma and Videl.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 10:46:41 AMJOE> I hear you on Arcee, I always kinda liked her.
If you're going to make cartoons about toys, and least let the kids own those toys.
This, I totally agree with. I hated seeing original TransFormers in the cartoon and comics that had no toys, while there were so many toys that likewise never got to appear in fiction.
Adam> I just wish we'd gotten a short-haired Videl, or even a GT Videl.
Jesse> I wish we'd gotten a toon-accurate Princess Adora.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 11:34:31 AMHeimdall> That is SO wrong, btw.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 11:37:14 AMBig Lob makes his move! The goooooooal line is in sight!
Posted 01/12/2009 at 11:40:20 AMBig Lob makes his move! The goooooooal line is in sight!
Posted 01/12/2009 at 11:40:45 AManother reason dragon ball toys were the shit. girls galore.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 12:08:21 PMThis frustrated my mother to no end. She hated having to buy only male action figures for me. Why was it so hard for the PTB to envision a girl watching cartoons and playing with action figures? Did they think we made breakfast for our males instead of watching the totally awesome animated carnage? When they did make cartoon based girls, they were freakin' fashion dolls. Case in point: Robotech Dana was a doll not a toy.
God Bless Lady Jaye.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 12:08:29 PMWhy was it so hard for the PTB to envision a girl watching cartoons and playing with action figures?
Probably because those girls who buy action figures make up too statistically insignificant a segment of the action figure market to justify producing girl action figures.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 01:02:51 PMWhat about all the female characters from Avatar?
Posted 01/12/2009 at 01:24:10 PMcool list. as for the shark legend has it a prototype exists never made and then it got released overseas. as for shadow weaver she was never produced for she was one of the characters Mattel can legally produce ever. . as for no female Transformers could be because they are suppose to be machines no programming of love. and the less said of Pythona and the movie the better
Posted 01/12/2009 at 04:03:54 PMI meant to say Shadow Weaver is one of the characters Mattel can not ever legally produce for if the character was made for the cartoons only the studio owned the Character. as for Tula if the cartoon had gone on she would have shown up to finish off the line.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 04:10:45 PMUgh. Thanks for reminding me about Skeleton Warriors. I liked that show as a kid and spent way too much money trying to get all the trading cards. I look back on it with shame. Even in a world of crappy cartoons that thing really sucked. But it had skeletons... I guess that's why I liked it.
Oh, and I agree about Scorpina. Heck, we never even got a Rita Repulsa! These lists need to show more love to Power Rangers. The show is about to start it's 17th season and I can count on one hand the number of female figures we've received that weren't the actual rangers. (Even nowadays the girl rangers ONLY get one basic figure each while the guys get like a dozen.)
Posted 01/12/2009 at 04:48:03 PMI'm going to mention the Avatar toyline, which never had any female figures in it (even though women made up a large portion of the cast, including several of the major villains).
The Naruto toyline suffered from the exact same problem. Lots of others too, actually...
Posted 01/12/2009 at 04:57:15 PMJeremy: I would also note that for the longest time, the female Ranger figures used the same bodies as the male Ranger figures, with different heads.
Vypra was pretty important in Light Speed Rescue, yet no toy for her, either.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 08:02:10 PMNot sure if it was mentioned...but the girl figures didn't sell until adults started buying toys. That's why they were non-existant/short packed.
Posted 01/12/2009 at 11:08:52 PMMy God -- I didn't remember Bravestarr was such a PIMP!!
Posted 01/13/2009 at 12:55:55 AMGreat article. I think the biggest douchbags concerning the failure of the girl toy is Mattel. Mattel doesn't know how to do anything right with action figures. If it wasn't for Barbie and Hotwheels Mattel would fail.
I real angst is with the Avatar the Last Airbender Toys. We got Sokka, Zuko, a millions Aangs, Roku, Bumi, generic soldiers, and even a freaking Jet figure but no Katara? How could they not make a Katara figure? I'll never forgive Mattel for this numbskull decision. It's the same failure and loser-ness they applied to the 2002 MOTU line. I hate Mattel!
And of course they didn't make Toph, Azula, her girls, Sukki, or Uncle Iroh either. WTF were they thinking? It was a brilliant show with excellent animation and writing and the girls had as big as roles as the boys. I hate Mattel!
Posted 01/13/2009 at 11:51:32 AM"How could they not make a Katara figure?"
Posted 01/16/2009 at 01:20:14 PMI heard they caved to fan pressure and agreed to make one, but the line imploded before they actually did...
My childhood would've been complete with that Jenny figure. I remember being so disappointed about that and having to settle for the male characters instead of her....
Posted 02/12/2009 at 02:21:11 AM