Are you ready? You're not. No one can be. I've read the damn thing twice, and even I'm not ready for the masterpiece of insanity which is about to ensue. If it's at all possible, I highly suggest you grab a drink before you start reading what might be my new favorite FFF entry ever.
Let me tell you, at six very lengthy chapters (and still to be continued) "The Dalek Invasion of Earth" is so epic, I can't possibly do justice to it. Honestly, the best I can do is summarize most of it, and then give you a few brief selections which are indicative of author LL72's opus as a whole, and far too indicative of his pornography preferences and lack of actual sexual experience. So to begin, the disclaimer from the author:
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, the Daleks, Desperate Housewives or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I am making no money from this fiction.Every single fan fic starts with this disclaimer, and it's always ludicrous. You know, if you're writing a story about Goofy fucking one of the cast members of Goof Troop, I am fairly confident that you're not the CEO of Disney trying whittle away a lazy Friday afternoon. And if you feel you need to point out that you do not three popular television shows... you don't. We know you don't own the characters. Really.
You need to know even my summary of this madness is intensely long -- like 4000 words long. Also, you should know that the author uses the words "slot" and "quim" in place of "vagina" several hundred million times. He also uses the word "milf" a great deal, despite the story being told in a third-person omniscient voice, which is as wonderful to me as anything. Buckle your self belts, boys and girls, because the ride is about to start.
The story begins with all males on the planet suddenly ill, although the womenfolk don't realize it. On Wisteria Lane, Lynette (Felicity Huffman) sends her hot daughter Julie to the mall (who is someone don't know, but she looks like this):
In ships just outside of Earth's atmosphere, one Dalek announces to another that all human males will be dead in fifteen minutes.
In nearby Sunnydale, Buffy's mom Joyce has graphic sex with Cordelia (Charisma Carpenter, in case you don't remember) in her car, as the two have been secret lovers for some time. They drive to the mall. At the mall, Julie meets Bree (Marcia Cross), and the Dalek ships arrive.
As all human males on Earth die, a Dalek arrives on Wisteria Lane and kills Lynette, obviously because she was not attractive enough to the author to engage in the lesbian sex which is to follow. As the Daleks rampage at the mall, Bree and Julie escape in a car.
The Daleks capture Katherine (Dana Delany), her daughter Dylan (another unknown but sufficiently hot actress) and Susan (Teri Hatcher). On board the spaceship, the Daleks strip them naked, and it's time for our first snippets!
A green Dalek moved in front of them, it's eyestalk fixing on each of the three naked women in turn, "I am Scientist Kral," it exclaimed, "obey me or you will be exterminated."Naturally, Katherine's daughter Dylan is turned on by this, which is good, as the Dalek immediately orders Katherine to fuck her daughter.
Katherine nodded dumbly. Kral continued, "We are going to conduct experiments on you - to test human female sexuality."
"Why?" Susan spoke, her voice quavering.
Katherine closed her eyes and waited for the death rattle. There was no scream instead Kral answered, "The Supreme Dalek wishes to see if slaves are more efficient if Daleks understand their impulses and psychology. Earth has been chosen for this experiment."
Kral's eyestalk swivelled towards Katherine and as it did so the Daleks by her side lowered their suckers. Released of their support Katherine staggered forward. Another Dalek moved forward, a rubber strap-on held in it's sucker.
"Put on the sexual instrument," ordered Kral and Katherine reluctantly complied.
A Dalek moved behind Susan and pushed her forward towards Katherine. Katherine reached her arms out to steady her neighbour.
"You will penetrate the older woman's vagina with your sexual implement," Kral's distorted voice echoed from his modulator.
There was a slight pause as Katherine and Susan looked at each other in horror. Neither had even entertained sexual thoughts about another woman and now they were being told to have sex.
"Obey! Obey! Obey!" shrieked Kral hysterically. His weapon swung between Dylan and the two women. Around him the other Daleks took up the chant, their plasma guns swinging round to threaten the humans.
"We better do as they say," said Susan and disengaged herself from Katherine. She lay on the cold metal floor and spread her legs. With one hand she started to pry apart her slot. She gave a nervous smile at Katherine, "Come on, then."
Katherine felt herself blushing, she could see that her naked skin was bright red. But one look at the Daleks menacingly pointing their weapons at Dylan made her decision for her. She moved and lay on top of Susan. She could feel the other woman's tits wobble slightly beneath her, as she clumsily tried to move the cock into Susan's hole. Susan's hand helped guide it in and Katherine felt Susan shudder as the dildo started to slide down her hole.
Katherine began to gradually move her waist up and down. Her topped remain in situ, slight vibrations moving up her body made her tits bounce slightly and she could feel her own nipples move against Susan. It didn't take her long to get used to the thrusting. It was easy to get into a rhythm and she began to move automatically, without any conscious thought needed.
Beneath her she could see Susan's looking up at her. The expression on Susan's face was starting to change. No longer was it a mixture of terror and disgust, but joy. A wide grin split Susan's face as Katherine rammed the cock in. Katherine began to speed up, pushing the toy in as deep as she could manage with each thrust, enjoying seeing Susan's face contort with pleasure and to hear the little pants, which sounded so loud when your ears were just inches from the other's face. Katherine felt she owed it to Susan to go as deep as she could.
"You will now enter the sexual implement in the younger human female's anus," croaked Kral.Please note the author's use of the word "jizz" for vaginal secretions. This mistake is repeated several millions times through the story, and it never stops being hilarious.
Katherine felt a wave of nausea coming up, but she choked it back down, "I can't. She's my daughter."
Kral seemed to note the information, his guttural voice saying, "Taboo of sexual intercourse between human female and descendant."
He swung back towards Katherine, his eye stalk swinging up and down her body, "Illogical. Union can produce no children. Obey, or you will be exterminated."
Katherine turned to Dylan with a look of horror. Her daughter paused for a second and then got to her hands and knees. Katherine walked over to her, noticing that Dylan was quaking in fear. Katherine leant down and pulled apart her daughter's ass cheek's as far as they could go. She was grateful that Susan's jizz still lubricated the dildo, and she leaning forward she began to gingerly push it in the hole. The cock struggled to fit in. Katherine remove one of her hands from Dylan's cheeks and gripping the toy hard began to push it in.
There was a cry of pain from Dylan and the teen began to whimper lightly as Katherine tried to force the dildo down her virginal back passage.
"Ssshhh, sssshhhh, Mommy loves you," Katherine took her spare hand from Dylan's cheek and stroked her daughter's naked back. Dylan slowly began to relax and the dildo gradually crawled up her expanding hole.
Once it was in Katherine began to pull back. Then she moved forward again, it was a slow movement, but faster than last time. The noise from Dylan was different to, instead of a cry, it was more a sexualised moan. Katherine felt shocked, but she reasoned, Dylan was probably trying to block out it was her Mom and imaging someone else. It was better than Dylan tried to enjoy it.Like I couldn't share that line with you. After mom helps her daughter Dylan reach orgasm, the experiments are over. But the story has only just begun.
She moved her hand from Dylan's back and slid it down to her daughter's naked slot. The pussy was already damp, and even as Katherine ran her finger over the open hole she could feel further juice dropping down. Katherine thrust forward again, as she did so she extended a finger and slid it into Dylan's quim. She continued to move the finger as she banged into her daughter's ass, continuing until she felt the little bit of hard flesh of her daughter's clit. Dylan's moaned louder as the Katherine rubbed at her. Katherine felt her own sexual excitement building as the end of the cock buried itself within her.
"Oh Mom, fuck my ass. Fuck my virgin ass," groaned Dylan.
END OF CHAPTER ONE, MOTHER FUCKERS.
42 comments
Comments
McTool said:
OH. MY. GOD.
I got the heads up on Twitter yesterday... but I was not ready.
Well done. I'm not offended, but astounded. Actually taken aback, not out of disgust, but wonderment. Well done, Rob.
Kogepan said:
LOL, I was tracking TR's twitter yesterday, too, and the reactions to reading the FF alone were hilarious. I'm afraid to read the actual FFF though.
Lancelot said:
Wow....
Like McTool I had been alerted, but most definitely unprepared for.... that.
Horatio Finespun said:
Was this released along with the torture memos? Good god, pumping this into your cell would violate everything.
morriskode said:
wow. just, wow.
i would totally be fine with retiring the internet once this opus is finished.
funnily enough, i also refer to my erections as a "telephone pole, standing alone in a well trimmed field". good lord.
Captain Flunky said:
Simply awesome. I can only hope future chapters incorporate the Golden Girls and Laverne & Shirley.
Arsenal said:
I don't even know where to start. It is just like they keep adding random people to it. I mean I really think that the autor is afraid of being gay so that s why he killed off all the men and yet kept using strap ons in the story and basically keeping it M/F sex but with toys.
Or I could be wrong
distaph said:
I cannot believe someone would write this. I mean, everyone knows that Julie is Susan's daughter.
Garyx said:
So awesome, I need to call it a day.
I´m going for a cigar, then rollover and fall asleep
Too great, too awesome.
ThatCostumeGirl said:
Gah! Just, Gah!
Mothers and daughters should never do that. Ever. Protective Joyce is nice, just prefer it in a non-sex way.
CTrees said:
I did a quick word count on it. The full thing is right about the same length as Animal Farm. There's a statement there, somewhere, but hell if I'm going to be the one that tries to find it.
Snoodle said:
I am oddly un-disturbed by this. And that concerns me.
However it truly is some kind of epic accomplishment to have written this, and so much of it o_o'
liquidhalcyon said:
TR, every week I die a little inside knowing that FFF is essentially showing us the future of the human race, and today is no exception.
This is the worst kind of /fic, ones with no regards to canon or character establishment...much like Heroes.
*rimshot*
Seriously though, the ability to somehow work these fictional characters, and actual actors, into a story together makes the author brilliant, or a madman...I'm going to say madman...who, I'm just gonna throw this out there, has no sex experience beyond watching hentai.
But, on the plus side...I sat here for 5 minutes trying to think of one. I couldn't. God help us all.
tasakeru828 said:
Oh, okay Rob. I see how it is.
You think THIS monstrosity is the proper length for an FFF, but not The Most Batshit Insane Fanfic Ever that I sent you?!
Need I post that ridiculously long cast list again? Or do you want me to find something EVEN MORE HORRIBLE than that Dry Bones fic from a while back...?
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
- BHS
PS: Just kidding, Rob. ;P
PPS: For those who didn't see it, it's the Sonic fanfic that also involves the casts of Starfox, Sly Cooper, and several dozen fan-characters, who are attempting to save Canada (not the world, just Canada) from the unholy alliance of Dr. Robotnik, Osama bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein. Yes, this actually exists.
Anton Gordon said:
I have no idea who most of those characters are, and for that I'm grateful. It would have been even worse, I'm sure.
Big Jimmy said:
Is anyone else seriously scared at these guy's attitudes to incest and rape? This reads like it should have been written on a serial killer's wall in shite. I'd be furious if I wasn't laughing so much.
My only thought; which fictional character is going to have to rape their family to top this?
lewen said:
I followed the link to see what else this "person" had written hoping this atrocity was a one-off. NOPE.
Gilmore Girls, F/f anal incest, More Deseperate Housewives and Buffy. And the one that made rear back in horror...The Incredibles!!! Elasti-girl and daughter. *shudders*
Niko said:
So this is what happens when the Doctor isn't here to stop the Daleks.
Doctor, why have you forsaken us?
chad said:
OmG this one is a real top contender for the evilest fff ever for the writer really had guts to create such a crossover and have the daleks want to know about sex creepy right there
dork581 said:
I made it until Joyce and Cordelia were having sex in the car, then my Buffy-loving mind killed itself
Sigue said:
Wait, what?
Eric said:
There is no beef in "cordon bleu," just chicken and ham. Otherwise, the rest of the story seems pretty plausible.
Gleeman said:
I don't know whether to ROFL or slit my wrists in despair towards humanity...
Alice said:
HAHA! Oh jeez.
Maybe the Doctor ought to think twice about stopping the Daleks next time. Seems life under Dalek rule isn't all that bad. It's full of sexy lesbian incest adventures!
I truly love the author's assumption that if every man on earth was killed off, all attractive woman would instantly become rampant, horny lesbians who are open to shagging their own mothers.
Ah, to have such a simple and optimistic outlook on life...
lkmjr said:
I think I'm going to need at least a month before I can watch TV again.
Missy said:
The author of this fic has WAY too much freakin' time on their hands... and clearly has never had even the tiniest bit of sex.
missile said:
"Every single fan fic starts with this disclaimer, and it's always ludicrous. "
It's also an AFF rule. If the fanfic didn't have something close to that, it'd be deleted or blocked by the moderators or admin.
Seven said:
There must be someplace on Earth where this atrocity against fiction, sexuality and the English language is punishable by death. But if you'll excuse me, I have to go suffer profound brain damage in a futile attempt to feel clean again.
T-cake said:
"Obey! Obey! Obey!" shrieked Kral hysterically. His weapon swung between Dylan and the two women."
Sounds like my prom dates...
You know what scares me....the guy who wrote this could be my future husband....my teacher, the man that passes me on the way to college...And it HAS to be a man..but I'll never know who 0.0
Lily412 said:
I don't think that this FFF is all that disgusting or disturbing. Mostly, I just think it's phenomenally stupid...which may be the biggest offense of all.
Brion said:
Wow Rob.
Congrats brother, once in my life I'm speechless. What an epic story! You can see the kid just picking out random chicks in the air, amazing. And thank you, I have seen everything there is in this life now!
Chelsea said:
FFF has always been an amusing, semi-disturbing event for me, mainly because none of the stories are ever written about something that I actually watch or love. Like that Heroes one? Who cares, I don't watch Heroes. (The Dry Bones one is the only one that really fucked with me.)
But now... I know how all of you have felt. As someone who loves Buffy and Angel, this was pretty crazy and disturbing. I had to skim right past the Joyce parts especially because I'd still like to be able to watch "The Body" and be touched rather than picturing her fucking Cordy.
8den said:
I am torn, I've won a TR t-shirt, however my wife came across this fan fiction friday and has basically found any kind of sexual gratification be it self or mutilate too disturbing.
Soo thank you TR. You've given me a t-shirt and exposed my wife to sexual deviance that as a bi product makes me celebate.
Ta.
Church said:
Wait a minute. So is the implication that Daleks are all female? That's disturbing...
amarygma said:
This FFF just makes me feel sad for the author. It's like he saw one porno with lesbians and a dildo and is just trying to put a spin on it.
It's just dumb.
Tristriam said:
Wow this is probably the best FFF ever. Post more of these from time to time, you know for the others who can't take the mind bending awfulness you usually post.
Michelle said:
"Suddenly there was a loud bang; water, dildos, and women were thrown out of the Jacuzzi..."
This made me laugh the most... something about the word order!
And, of course...
"The feelings she had before were like eating a Macdonald's, whereas now she was devouring a cordon-bleu steak from cows that had only eaten the greenest of grass."
Soph said:
I..I..just can't -bangs head into desk sobbing-
Cyn said:
It's as though he's typing out every geeky stroke fantasy for posterity.
I am so sad to be a Who and Buffy fan right now.
On a lighter note, I could just envision Kral the Dalek sitting in a recliner, enjoying A Tale of Two Cities while his pregnant bitches got it on upstairs. It would have been far funnier it I didn't think the writer was serious!
SEXYTRON said:
That's just wrong.
M said:
Oh bollocks!
As advised, I've got my whiskey, just started reading the full thing... got to the first line where Joyce and Cordelia are in the car... was immediately reminded of Chelsea's comment about 'The Body'... and will never watch Buffy the same way again.
Tornado said:
For those of you you who have spared yourself from reading the original you will be happy to know that the sisters from Charmed also show up.
*headdesk*
