I would like to be able to cast 1st level 3rd edition D&D spells. In real life. Only instead of using them to fight crime or orcs, mostly i'd use them to pick up girls. Charm Person! Disguise Self! Comprehend Languages (to impress Swedish girls!)

That is my geek flag and I'm letting it fly.

My ideal super power would definitely be the same powers that jesus has. I can multiply fish and bread whenever the hell i want to, i can cure blind people, walk on water, rise from the dead, and the #1 power that he has...turning water into wine.

There's so much you could do with that, you could be walking on water one minute, then walking on wine the next. You could turn an ordinary empty bag into a space bag! And since there's water molecules in the air you can just make wine where ever the fuck you are.

Turning water into wine would also be extremely ideal for fighting crime. The human body is mainly composed of water, which means anyone that goes up against your holy ass is probably going to die a horrible alcohol related death. Turning water into wine would just make you an unstoppable drunken force. That is why turning water into wine would be my ideal super power.

I would like to be able to emit waves of common sense.When people get into my radius of say 1000 feet they are suddenly struck with the ability to knock the stupid shit off. I would then travel at personal expense to Washington DC,the Vatican and the Muslim Countries putting what once went wrong right and hoping the next leap is the leap home.

Being able to walk around naked with impunity would be an fantastic thing.
Imagine, a world where I could wake up, take a shower and then not have to get dressed, a world where the walk from the door to my volvo was not some drudge trek on the way to work, but a delightful frolic with a tantalizing breeze dancing across my nether regions.
At the office I wouldn't be another guy in a white shirt and tie, I would be a hero! a man allowed to roam free like we once were, like we were meant to. Everyone would stop their talking when I walked by, every eye would drop and admire the impressive display before them when I sauntered past, oh how jealous they would be!
Eventually the trend would catch on, if I could do it why couldn't they? AND THEY WOULD BE STROKE DOWN BY SOCIETY!
For only I, the man with the power to walk the earth naked would have the majesty necessary to pull off such a thing.
Long after my death, people would still tell their children stories of the man who wore no pants, statues would be made to honor my nudity and college students would be seen wearing T-shirts with my phallic airbrushed onto them.

nudity may not be a glorious power life flight, but I dare an one you to stand naked in a field and say that it wasn't the most grand thing you have ever felt.

The ability to burn terrible, unforgivable things into people's memory when they annoy me (ie. a hotlink to FFF and nobody can look away.)

Also means when somebody is nerding out and being wrong, I can plant the exact thing they're being wrong about into their head (for example, they think that Kanye West isn't a gay fish, they get the recent South Park burned into their memories forever.)

All this helps eliminate ignorance and annoying people: the world is a better place for it. Ultimately, no more nerds disagreeing, thus freeing us all up to focus our rage on the 'normals'

I would just like to point out that Namor has been a mutant since the fourth issue or so of Uncanny X-men back in the 60's, not sometime in the 90's. Professor X and Magneto both tried to recruit him. He's always been a mutant ever since they created the concept in the Marvel Universe.

Super power I would love to have: The ability to have girls make out, whenever. It would stop suicide bombers, speeding cars, help prevent world hunger (somehow) and just be the coolest thing ever. Imagine it a party, library, stuck in traffic and even the DMV. I would buy the scotch and wine that you guys would make and just enjoy my super powered life.

I would be granted the superpower to switch between regular physics and cartoon physics. A bank robber trying to run away? Turn his ass Looney Tuney and watch as he runs in place. Potential suicide threatening to jump? Laugh at the pitiful look on his face as he pulls his pancake self from the asphalt. Have a gun an inch from your eyeball? Just make sure to clean your ashy face that resembles a completely politically incorrect characture. Of course, there is the part about switching between physics. Paint a tunnel on a rock, and throw a hobo in there, THEN go back to regular physics, and hope that no one decides to make a sculpture out of that particular rock. The chuckles keep on coming, and it's a great party trick, too.

Simple.

Make things I draw come to life, with a personallity I give them.

Not naughty, although the thought has crossed my mind. But I already am an artist, and I would love to be able to bring to life Optimus Prime, Transtech Cheetor, and Cheese from Fosters. Oh, and and full size suit of either Gundam Armor.. or better yet, Hulk Buster Armor, because, let's face it, that stuff is godly. Actually, I could go on with what I would create. Web shooters are also super high on that list.

The super power I most wish I had was the ability to stretch. Ok, Plastic Man, Reed Richards, and Elongated Man are rarely mentioned as the most powerful superheroes. But think of them behind closed bedroom doors with the ability to expand and stretch "any" body part. Superman saves the Universe, big deal. I want to please the women like Plastic Man can.

I would like to have the ability to read, write and to speak fluently every human language that has ever existed. My superhero name would be The Linguist

I would use this superpower to wander the world, solving ancient mysteries Indiana Jones style, while at the same time seducing women in every country with my mastery of their native dialect.

Rival treasure hunters would learn to fear my daring, my cunning and my unmatched oral skills.

Women everywhere would swoon at my approach. They would say to each other, "Here comes The Cunning Linguist, he has the most skilled tongue in all the world."

Also, getting to insult people in ancient dead languages would be all sorts of fun. Just imagine the joy of cussing someone out in Sanskrit. Glorious!

I want the ability to cause people to die in ironic and appropriate ways. Annoying anime fanboys would be killed by poison pocky. Uwe Boll and other creators of bad superhero/video game movies would be subjected to a "Clockwork Orange"-style veiwing of their crimes against geekdom, until they go mad or die of hunger. Stephanie Meyer would be pulled apart by rabid Twilight fans, desperate for autographs. The Earth Liberation Front, crushed to death by a falling redwood. Members of PETA would be eaten by bears. The possibilities are endless!

The ability to know if any future numerical sequence, as long as I don't say it or try to use it. For example, I know the winning lottery numbers, but as soon as I buy the ticket, the number wouldn't be the same anymore. At a blackjack table, I know what the next card will be, but as soon as I hit or tell someone to hit or stand, the card is different. Then I see how long until I go nuts because I always know the winning lottery numbers, but know that I can never use them.

I'm gonna have to go with phasing through solid objects like Kitty Pryde or DL from Heroes season 1, although my uses wouldn't be heroic by any definition of the word.

I would be an unstoppable bank robber, is pretty much what I'm saying

This won't be too hard for you guys to imagine since I'm sure a lot of you have similar situations.

I wake up everyday and slog to an office where I sit in a cubicle and fritter away my life working in a field I have very little interest in. I crunch numbers and I deal with people who clearly hold me and my job in disdain.

My life sometimes seems like a series of mundane events that never seem to end.

So, you can see the allure that flight may have with a person like me. To be able to shake off my boring mediocre life for a while and fly. It would be pure heaven.

I know that there are lots of other factors to consider (ie. air friction, atmospheric temperature, etc) but I am presuming that if I have the ability to fly then I have all of the ancillary biological needs to survive flight itself.

I don't even want to be able to fly to fight crime... or to help anyone, for that matter. I just want to be able to blow off some steam by cruising around the sub-stratosphere. I don't want to be able to fly so fast that I can turn back the rotation of the earth or anything. But, fast enough that I could make it to Europe in an afternoon, y'know what I mean? Just some freaking freedom.

Either that or the ability to fart confetti.

"The ability to know if any future numerical sequence, as long as I don't say it or try to use it. For example, I know the winning lottery numbers, but as soon as I buy the ticket, the number wouldn't be the same anymore. At a blackjack table, I know what the next card will be, but as soon as I hit or tell someone to hit or stand, the card is different. Then I see how long until I go nuts because I always know the winning lottery numbers, but know that I can never use them."

I'm going to go out on a limb and say 99% of the population already has that power.

This may sound a bit morbid, but hear me out. I'd like to know the exact time, place and cause of my death. Why? Because once I know that I don't really fear anything else. Walk through a hail of gunfire? Sure, why not? It isn't going to kill me. Burning building? No problem. I could do so much with that, of course I'd misconstrue it and start robbing banks, cause honestly that's what anyone would do.

Confusion or entropy control. The power to confuse anyone or any situation without people thinking I'm a loon. I would appear average in every way.

I would confuse robbers into thinking they've already taken what they wanted. Then confuse the alarm system into notifying authorities without pushing any buttons. I could confuse politicians, but I need some fun too. Confuse bartenders into giving extra drinks.

My power would be two fold: Much like Spider Sense, I'd have the ability to detect when a metaphoric load of runny monkey feces is about to descend upon our beloved Nerdy Land of Geekdom. Along with this, shall we say, Shit Sense, I'd possess a Jedi Mind Trick of sorts to relay my visions to the persons ready to squat and release said load of runny monkey feces. So I'd be wandering around the country, probably Hollywood most of the time, and the following exchanges would occur:

"Y'know, Mr. Kring, yet another apocalyptic future isn't such a good idea. That wasn't the good part of the first season. Repeat after me: 'Characterization.' And such a use of Claire's blood really makes death for anyone meaningless. Keep Sexy Mohinder though."

"Look, I know you're George Lucas but...aw Christ, where do I begin...We'll begin with Trade Blockades and end with Nuclear Fridges..."

"No, Mr. Lambert. I really think you should insist that the immortals are NOT aliens before you do the sequel."

"So Harry's flying on a snowboard after Spiderman. I just want you to slowly repeat that until it settles in."

"Reading scripts is a good thing, Ms. Kreuk. You really shouldn't do Street Fighter: The Leg...on second thought, you just shouldn't be acting. The only place for actresses with your range is the porn industry, I'm afraid."

"Giant robots should fight each other and destroy copious amounts of shit. They should not be hiding and then peeing on people. These franchises have a higher purpose than making you money, Mr. Bay. Treat them with respect."

"Since Spiderman can't get a divorce, even though in the past, Peter has actually struck Mary Jane...he's going to make a deal with the devil because no one in the entire Marvel Universe, a place where Resurrections happen every second Tuesday of the month, can heal an old lady's gunshot wound. Yes, Mr. Quesada, I have a problem with that. In fact, I have several..."

One small caveat though: As geeks, we need still need stuff to make fun of. It's in our nature. Hence, my Shit Sense would only kick in if the property was near and dear to some section of the Geek Community's heart.

Such powers would require great sacrifice, but I'm willing ot make it.

This will sounds kind of strange, but I would want to power to control the coefficient of friction (both static and kinetic). I would be able to up the coefficient for my shoe laces and never have to worry about them coming undone. To stop criminals I would either reduce the handles of their weapons to fictionless levels or or make the air around them have extremely high coefficients of fiction to slow them down.

(If I wanted to be particularly not nice, I suppose I would screw with their circulatory systems friction coefficients and possible induce cardiac arrests)

On a more petty level, if someone ever pissed me off (which rarely happens), I would make the area they were standing on very slick, embarrassing them (also applicable to criminals).

Also opening jars would be a lot easier, my car would get much better gas mileage AND have greater control in the winter.

And, to top all of it off, I would be able to do the scene from Risky business on any surface with any type of footware.

Video game invincibility.

You know how after Mario gets hit by a goomba when he's "Super" and he shrinks? Know how he starts flashing and is untouchable for about 5 seconds? THAT, my good friends, would be my preferred superpower.

At the surface it is a lousy superpower. Supervillains/heroes (I haven't decided my allegience yet) would write me off. Therein lies it's power. Whilst they are unaware, I would slap myself in the face and become INVINCIBLE! 5 Seconds done? Another slap!!!!

Also, the amount of invincibility would go up the more severe the pain. So if I needed to breathe underwater, I'd sack myself or watch Batman and Robin.

Also 99 lives.

-bowlingpete

I'm gonna have to go with power nullification, just so that I can watch the rest of you cry when you can't use your more awesome and useful powers anymore.

The metafictional ability to always be able to reach out and get what you need - without nesserry knowing for what or how. Think about it. Its hot, you are thirsty and you reach for a cold glass lemonade, but instead you get a bottle Jack D. Befuddle, why the great oversigth have provideded you with hard liqour 12 o´clock on a workday, you suddenly hear some inferior member of your countrys royal family is engaged (or the local Paris Hilton)theareby spamming the media and your surroundings with royal incense the next 3 months.
Also in crime figthing this world be great. In a locked firefight between cops and a well armed criminal, you arrives on scene as an icon of coolness, delivering a oneliner, reaching out for a handgranade and gets -
a teddybear - in the vain hope the teddybear is produced in China, you throws the teddy at the wellarmed criminal hoping he will be mildly poisoined.Instead the criminal (who is in a seldom doubt about the etics and economics of crime) sees the teddybear which triggers a cascade of childhood memories, remorse and common angst all which makes him surrender, give up crime and eventualy become a succesefull baker.
Maybe not a powerfull superpower but very Zen

I've always had an answer ready for this question.

Yes, flying, stretching, invincibility, etc. would be cool, but...

The power I want is superhuman suggestion, the ability to change the minds of anyone I want.

I've thought it over multiple times, and aside from the morality issues (which I can safely ignore, as I'm an agnostic heathen), I honestly can find no downside to this power.

I would convince sales clerks to let me have stuff for free. If the other customers complained, I would tell them it was no problem, and they'd believe me. If the cops showed up, I would talk my way out of being arrested. And these are just short-term applications.

For my long-term goal, I would sue the assholes who keep putting on retarded commercials like the Geico ads, Alltel's horrible MyCircle characters, and the f@#$%#@ing Subway Five Dollar Foot Long jingle, and thanks to my suggestions I would win over the jury in every case. I would then convince the judge to sentence each and every one of those bastards to a lifetime of reading the same William Faulkner novel over and over and over and over and over again. *big evil grin*

If I could have any super power, it would be super writing, so that we wouldn't have movies and comic books that suck anymore. I would be able to take a concept as dumb as "Ultra Action Fetus vs Satan's Pet Gerbil" just off the top of my head, somehow make it not suck, and win awards out the wazoo.

With super writing, I could fix everything wrong with TV and movies easily, and make sure that nothing on TV ever sucks again.

I would have two powers. I'm going to claim TWO because they go well together and would make a bitching anti-hero in a Heroes-style story that didn't suck.

Power One: The always-on ability to tell how truthful someone is being. If they're telling the absolute truth, what that THINK is the truth, or if they're lying by omission, fabrication, or trying to cover their ass. This would have alot of problems in personal relationships.

Power Two: MIND-RIPPING. I could plant my hand on your noggin Mind-Meld style and pull out what I want to know. This is a generic power given to guest characters and villians, rarely heroes.

The character I had in mind would be an FBI Agent, and would primarily use this to sweat out a confession.

The ability to strike people with lightning. Not a fatal shock, but enough to leave them slightly charred, with messy ass 'shocked' hair, and feeling numb. I would use this power whenever someone aggravated me, or merely said something very, very stupid.

"So, I hear you like fishstic-" *KRA-BOOOOM!!!!!*

I'd want to be able to give someone IBS at will. That will stop ANYONE from doing ANYTHING. I'd be "The Constant Bowel". Leader of the..wait for it, ANATOMUTANTS! Featuring: Blinks Henderson, who can control any eyelid within his site, Switch, who can change genders to match the majority, and Hamburger Jones (aka;Fibs)..everyone believes Hamburger Jones and his power of lies.

-Note to self: I really need to cut back...

The ability to turn any situation into a topless bar. This would include the ability to recast the visually unpleasant as attractive members of the opposite sex (opposite of me).

So, worst day at work - suddenly replete with booze and boobies.

Airplane hijacked by terrorists - transformed into Tony Stark's private jet.

Stuck in a Matthew McConaghey movie - everybody knocked unconscious and I can ogle and drink until the pain goes away....

I guess I'm trying to play to my audience, but who cares.

You know how Slapstick's power is to be a cartoon character?

My top super power would have to be the ability to be like a character on a sitcom.

Anything mildly funny that I say or do would prompt everyone to laugh. Sure, it's canned laugh track, but I'll take what I can get. I could steal anything I wanted, as long as I made up a wacky enough story to justify it to the clerk or wear a fake mustache and overcoat. They'll just say "Oh, you're irrepressible!" I could insult people and the would just say "Oh yeah? Why I oughta..." and stamp away frustrated. I would eventually hook up with my love interest after a couple years of trying, and every time we broke up, she would be so pressured to maintain the status quo that she would get back together with me. Plus, all my favorite actors would "guest star" and show up in my life as the new landlord, or just my long lost cousin. Tom Hanks can be MY alcoholic uncle too now!

Anyway, if I had the power to make my life a sitcom, the world would pretty much bend to my will. And be incredibly awesome for everyone who knows me, especially my supporting cast of close friends. In addition, if my life was a sitcom, there would be no season finale, pretty much giving everyone on Earth immortality. I'm a philanthropist, really.

I want the ability to create alternate realities, Universes and worlds.

First make a world were they can make anyone immortal. take that serum.

Second- live out any geeky/Sexy/Adventurous fantasy I ever wanted. (Get Bored) than

Third- Make the universes of all our childhood dreams, (Starwars, StarTrek, Transformers, Gor etc) After creating a lot of these open up a theme park that allows people to go into these universes.

After I get rich from this even though I wouldn't really need it (being that I will have a universe made entirely out of money), I would create Hellish worlds and start sending evil people that I decree to them. Those that I don't like i would create a world and after sending them to it, uncreate the universe it just for kicks.

I would become an evil dictated or a god, If anyone tries to stop me they would instantly get sent to any world that I have created. I would have access to any technology that i could think of, shit that would make quantum physics technology look like having rocks and sticks.

But most people would love me just for the fact that I allow them to live out their wildest dreams. That and the fact that I have the patent rights for the immortality serum.

...Personally, I'd love to have the power of Internet Omniscience. What this would be is essentially the power to a) track down and identify who's on the other end of a troll post, b) cause said troll's computer to explode violently, which in turn would hopefully c) put said troll in the hospital for having trolled in the first place. A side effect would be gaining the knowledge of the troll's real identity and personal information so that it can be posted to the forums and newsgroups that were trolled, so they can join in on the fun of exacting revenge.

I'd have to go for the ever useful Dancing on the Ceiling power. Why should Lionel only have the ability to do it? I would try and use it to fight crime but mainyl just to have people's jaws drop in WTFness.

To be able to have the properties of a ghost at will. This is like a ton of powers in one.

You will be able to become invisible (women's locker rooms... I mean sneaking up on bad guys)

You will be able to fly (fuck traffic... I mean helping people trapped in burning buildings)

Also, who needs to be invincible when you can just become immaterial and no one can touch you.

You won't need to breath so you could go deep sea diving with out worrying about pressure changes.

Naked and free able to fly around with no one seeing you or offending anyone, that would be the life!

The best super power would be just being the guy on the BeefEater bottle. He's rich, he's got a scepter to beat your ass with (Then make you eat his beef) and a lifetime supply of gin. Become English would be a downside but well worth the gain.

My superpower is quite simple: the ability to apply Photoshop filters and layer effects on myself.

Sure, it sounds lame until you consider just how much you could mess with the minds of everyone around you.

Say I'm stuck with a pushy salesman that just won't take no for an answer. Solution: I slowly get more and more blurry until the guy's eyes water every time he look at me. On days I fee like getting noticed, I can up my Hue/Saturation to the point that my hawaiian shirt literally burns retinas. To mess with TV new crews, I could walk by in the background of a shot, except I'd be in greyscale, or, better yet, in sepia tone.

Not to mention all the fun that could be had at bars as even the sober people are seeing me slightly out of alignment with myself or I suddenly appear to be made out of rough fibers. And, of course, I could live out every geek's fantasy by rotoscoping anything I'm holding into a lightsaber.

Sure, I really couldn't be much of a superhero or villain with this power, but I'd be fun at parties!

The only downside to this power that I can see is the hordes of YouTube commenters following me around yelling "FAKE!" every time I used it, but then I could just lower my opacity to 0% and sneak into the girls' locker room to escape them!

I have always wished to be a Shape Shifter. But not the kind that can only turn into other people, the kind that can take on any form I can imagine.

My only limitation would be mass. I could turn into an indestructable robot, but not a 100ft tall one. I could make myself into any beast I could imagine, or into the most attractive person on earth.

Crime fighting would be easy, incoming gun shots and my skin becomes the toughest material on earth while changing myself to become the most frightening thing the bad guys have ever seen.

I could also use this power to create weapons or any technological wonder and be able to share the schematics with the world. Make myself the perfect engine that runs on dirty air and converts it to clean perfect air and be able to share that with the world, create cures for all diseases, etc.

And I just found out my 18 month old said clear as day "Look at that..." when given a plastic easter egg. So I guess I already have the superpower of reproduction.

I know it's a bit of a cop-out, but I think I'm going to opt for the Time Lord Doctor Who bohemian package. Perks include:
1.The TARDIS – a time machine/space ship that can go to any where and when you can imagine while also translating any language ever. This also lets you abandon people/companions who aren't useful anymore, seriously how many times has that happened?
2.Insane intellect – you can think your way through any problem, grasp concepts the human mind can never contemplate, retain almost every piece of information you've ever heard, talk your way out of any situation as you can think more quickly on your feet than anyone in existence, and allow to do anything with a smile on your face as you have the capacity to seemingly enjoy anything.
3.Physiology – two hearts in itself is awesome, if you ingest poison eat some salt and your body takes care of it, basically comatose drink some tea and it can completely jump start you, basically you are almost impossible to kill...
4.Regeneration – think about it, you can will yourself out of most mortal injuries and become someone completely different, it's like being Wolverine only awesome since you won't always be 5'4 and Canadian. I mean how many times have you wanted to be someone different, have a different skill set, accent, body type, and apparently there's some degree of choice in “who” you become next.
5.Sonic Screwdriver – how many uses over the years have they come up with on that one? They actually had to remove it for three doctors.
6.Flexible continuity – only 13 regenerations? True choice over what you turn into? Seemingly no way out of certain situations? The writers seem to tweek things to what they need to allow the series to continue. Also think back to, trapping someone in a star, putting another one forever in mirrors just out of your peripheral vision, or challenging Satan.
7.Companions – people will willingly follow you around based on the life you can offer, yeah sometimes that backfires, but it's nice to feel wanted.

Basically it's one of those wistful thoughts where you could constantly travel, and you would only be inhibited by your own imagination. I realize it's not a true superpower, nor stupidly overpowered like, “I'd want to be a super saijin like Goku,” or “have a power that lets me be junior God so you will all bow to me.” It just seems like one of those things where yeah you might be a bit lonely because you're seemingly on your own, but you have the whole universe to explore any way you want while still retaining a semblance of humanity. In a way it's like being the nerd we all are, being allowed to go maudlin if needed, yet embracing our true nerdiness and being rewarded for it by being allowed to explore to our heart's content without ever truly being confined.

My power would be to turn my my enemies into cute little turn of the century knick knacks.I would sell them from my cozy shop in upstate New York to gay couples antiquing.

Currently, I'd love the ablity to clean dishes spotlessly with a snap of my fingers. SOMEONE'S being really cheap and instead of buying me one, they simply decided to change the name on my birth certificate to 'dishwasher'. But...

My ultimate superpower would be the ability to control the excitement of other people. For exapmle, I would be able to transform the most chipperly annoying people into miserable melancholics (like myself). Think of the potential! Right in the middle of halftime, I could turn the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders into walking suicide risks! Now that's a show! Two, Four, Six, Ei-aww, what's the point... I wouldn't even care how much money I'd have to blow on plane and football tickets, some things are worth such a fiscal sacrifice.

You could also make hot people become so self-deprocating and insecure that any lowly, pasty-faced nerd could comfort them and make them feel special with even the lamest pick-up line and BAM! Insta-Love! Just add water and microwave!

And conversely, you could force people to become overjoyed at things they normally wouldn't. Excellent for those who want to get revenge on the evil jocks from highschool. Star Trek convention, bitches! Get your Klingon on! Why am I saying this? Shoot me now! But with futuristic weapons! Dammit!

But that's merely on a local level, think globally, people! Terrorism and world hunger would cease! A suicide bomber would be seconds away from pushing the button and then think Meh, who cares.... Rich people would hoard there money, but then Why bother? Here, take it.

Such potential....*salivates*

I would be tele-orgasmic. Stare hard at anyone, male or female, and be able to trigger an orgasm. While the recipient is enjoying that, you can ninja-kick them in the face or some crazy stuff like that and win the fight. This power would also lend itself well to being a super villain power. Bring on the world domination.

My super power would be to decide when I die. That way I can do everything I want and have immortality until I get bored and end the whole thing.
That way, when I get bored I can end it, and still enjoy the modicum of immortality that I enjoyed.
Plus I could pull a claire (who needs to die btw), and just heal when I needed to; including decapitation.

Computer Brain. I'm not talking no Apple IIe here. I'm talking 50 bajillion million fafillion tetraterabetamax flop computer with the wifi. Get on Jeopardy and clean house. Control the traffic signals so I never stop again. Michael Bay sits down to soul-rape one of my beloved childhood memories, he spontaniously combusts! I haven't got that part figured out yet, but it WILL happen. Wife drags me to some $#@!% sparkling vampire movie, I close my eye's and BAM! Porn! Actually, pretty much anywhere I went, porn... and Oregon Trail

Rebuild the Great Wall of China Vision!

Superman used is in Superman 4: The Quest for Peace.
I'm sure you remember, that Nuclear dude was trying to escape, so he flew down and smashed the Great Wall of China. Superman landed and used his unknown power... Rebuild the Wall of China Vision! Bzzzzzzz... and the bricks just rebuilt themselves! And everybody was befuddled. WTF?

Little known fact: Superman uses this power ALL THE TIME! When he picks up a giant ocean freighter out of the ocean, he is using the "Rebuild the Wall of China Vision" on the molecules of the Ocean Liner so that it doesn't split in two under its own incredible weight. He lifts a building from the corner stone... what the Hell do you think is keeping the building from crumbling to pieces?

And HOW would I use this Awesome Power?
My old Pick-up truck... Bzzzzzz, brand new!
Empty bottle of Beer... Bzzzzzz, replenished!
Beat up old shoes... Bzzzzzz, Brand new shoes!
Shot in the Chest... Bzzzzzz, Bullet hole gone!
Wallet empty... Bzzzzzz, full of Cash again!
Girlfriends old Snizz... Bzzzzzz, Virgin again!!!

I could make everything old new again.... everything broken fixed! I would be loved by everyone.

There is only one superpower that could be useful in every possible situation, and that is the power to turn yourself into any Neil Gaiman character in the universe at will.

Now, hear me out. You can go the obvious route and be Morpheus and totally fuck with people in their dreams. But that is probably a choice of revenge or pure entertainment.The real life helpfulness is endless.Your significant other is a total pain? Pull a Richard Mayhew and disappear into another world and not even have to break up--they just won't remember! Your job makes you wish you were the stunt double for one of the Care Bears in FFF? Morph into Shadow and spend your days as the muscle for some has-been gods! You're dead? Marquis de Carabas has that little problem under control! Tired of buying/pumping gas? Turn into Crowley and have the best supernatural Bentley this side of hell-- and as a bonus, help thwart the Apocalypse and will yourself to stop being drunk at any time!

There is nothing that cannot be solved or simply made more awesome by being a Gaiman character.

I have to say I would take teleportation. Ever since I saw the Tomorrow People back in the 90's I've wanted that ability.
Think of a place and BAM you're there. Stuck in a bad situation BAM you're at a bar. Want to tour the Beefeater factory BAM you've done that.
Jumper got dumped on for starring someone I would admittedly rather forget, but the idea is sound.
Want to get a Topless Robot shirt, BAM, stole it from Rob.

Remember Quantum Leap, with the leaping into people's lives? I wan that, but under my control (this includes jumping back to myself). No pesky "you're doing this to make the world a better place" or whatever the justification for that show was. Returning to my own past, to stop myself from making a fool of myself. Becoming my teachers, and giving myself better grades. Giving myself raises as my boss. Heck, I'll be honest... Just plain screwing with people.

However, this power choice is more altruistic than it appears. Whether for personal profit or for being a giant jerk, there are far better powers (invisibility, mind control, phasing, et cetera). No, the real reason I want controlled quantum leaping is to fight crime, in my own unique, dickish way. Hostage situation? Jump into one of the criminals, the day before, and "accidentally" buy blanks instead of real bullets. Oops! Pickpockets? Looks like the next pocket they'll try to pick will be Officer McFriendly's! Heroes got renewed for a third season? My, Tim Kring's suddenly become a huge fan of BASE jumping...

My first action if I had this ability, though, would be leaping to Austria, way back in 1888, into a one Klara Hitler, with my sole mission being to deliver a simple message: "Nicht heute, Alois. Ich habe Kopfsmerzen."

It's quite funny, me and my friend were discussing this earlier.
I think an awesome super power to have would be to make people feel horny. This isn't so that I could get laid easily, but because imagine how fun it'd be. You'd be there talking to someone, and they'd suddenly start feeling an uncontrollable urge for sex. It'd be like being around Pete Jr. while being Goofy. It'd be best if I could control it, so that I don't make people uncontrollably horny when I don't want them to be (Parents, anyone?), but it would also work as like, everyone within a certain radius around me feel it, especially if they got hornier the closer they got.

This power could help fight crime in a very obvious way. Say you rob a bank or something, and you're bad to the bone (I couldn't think of a better way to describe it), you wouldn't be scared of like... I dunno... a hard guy. But, you start running away, and suddenly, you get an uncontrollable erection, it'd stop you in your tracks. And then you'd start humping a lamp-post.

My superpower would be quite simple, poetic...“cathartic” even...the ability to make anyone purge their bowels in an instant. Think of all the situations that could be improved...
1.Being mugged? Soul crushing cramping bowel movement
2.Cop pulled you over? Embarrassing foul excrement running down his leg.
3.Annoying Frat guy or Sorostitute making your life difficult? Give them taco bell shits.
4.Boss harassing you? Perfectly timed explosive diarrhea at the next important presentation.
5.Stalker won't leave you alone? Make your own restraining order.
6.Wide receiver makes a routine play and wants to do an asinine “dance?” Crap in the end zone.
7.Pregnant lady won't shut up about your smoking? Bam! Chocolate mud baby.
8.Chance to see a skanky celeb? Help grease her career with some anal butter.
9.Mormon trying to sell you on Jesus? Help him enjoy his bike ride with some ass gravy
10.Scientologists bugging you? You can even blame it on Xenu and evil dead aliens.
11.Jackass at the beach/pool? They can drop off some “kids” while they're there.
12. You would win any fight ever.
13.You can actually make a Jonas Brothers' concert (or several others) interesting/entertaining.
Vindictive I know, but oh, so satisfying.

Well, I've thought a lot about this, and read all the others (although more than a few seem to be centered around giving people orgasms or making them poop...hmmm)

In the end I have only one answer to my superpower.

I would be Batman.

Oh, I don't really know how, and I know the Bat has had his bad days (and that he has no superpowers-that's the fucking point!), but still of all the heroes, who was the best at just getting the damn job done? I'm of course combing my favorites: Miller's DK series, some of the JLU animated stuff, ect. into an amalgam character, but still...

Imagine if a you were in trouble, and the person that came to help you...

was Batman? Think you'd be okay with that?! Yer damn tootin'!

How about criminals, huh?

BATMAN!!BAAM!

I mean, how awesome would that be? A human that could bring Superman to his knees (he deserved it, he was being a jerk) simply because he was the better man?

POW!WHAM!SOCKO!!

That's it, that's my dream-power, and you better not ruin it: don't you say a fucking word about any "Robin".

Batman means it.

if i could have powers it would be the ability to rip holes time and make it so fox never canceld any of joss weadons stuff by replacing them with monkeys with brains and also would use this power to prevent Brett Ratner and uwe bowls from doing any movies at all make them Walmart greeters

The amazing ability to "successfully" masterbate 15 times a day! I'm at 8-9 a day and I'm spent! What the fuck? Not even gels and oils help... wait is this the Penthouse Forum? Crap wrong blog... now where's those new tube8 vids! TIME FOR NUMBER 10!! HAPPY EASTER!!

wow thats a lot of long paragraphs...

teleportation.

cause flying is expensive, and time consuming, and craptastical and i hate it. and i have to do it too much.

Elasticity.
Like Plastic Man or Mr. Fantastic or Elongated Man to a lesser extent. Cause that power's the shiz-nit.

Really, Elongated Man's name suggests that he's a walking, talking "That's what she said" joke". I could imagine the boring nights at the JL Watchtower...

Flash:
"Hey, Ralph. What's your alter ego's name again?"

Ralph Dibney:
"Elongated Man"

Flash and Plastic Man:
"That's what..."

Ralph Dibney:
"I swear, if you say 'That's what she said', again, I'm blasting open the airlock."

I believe that there are certain people in the world that should not have any powers of any kind. They are the kind of people that once they have a power, it will corrupt them so much, the greed so great, that they would stop for nothing short of more power, domination, and supremacy. I am one of those types of people. All my life I have wished for Superman's powers, ability to control the Force, Lightning anything away, telekinesis, etc. The only thing I probably never want is the ability to breath under water (and ironically, I fear drowning the most of the many possible deaths that can happen to me). Thus, I resolved never to have powers.

However, there are TWO powers I'd like to have. The first power would be Kage Bushin (no Jutsu ala Naruto). If anyone has read/watched Naruto, they would know that kage bushin (shadow clones) produce real, physical clones of the user. They can do things independent of the user (ie eat, sleep, play games). The important part of this skill is the clones abilities to experience. Once their time is up, then the experience and knowledge gained by the clones would go to the user. The possiblities I have with this skill... I could learn everything I've ever wanted to learn, I can do everything I want to do, all at the same time. Maybe even cure Cancer. I'd be maximizing my life potential. And when previously mentioned greed and lust for power takes over, well I already have my own personal clone army to take over the world. How convienient.

But if I can't have that power, there is one other power I'd like to have: Real Life Keyboard Shortcut keys. Specifically CTRL+F. I can't tell you how many times I can't find my damn keys, or find specific things when i'm reading something. Everytime I go "Damn, I wish i can ctrl+find." Other abilities in this power include Ctrl+Z (how convienient would it be to undo actions?), Ctrl+copy and paste, and even ctrl+delete. Heck, walking down a crowded street, or driving on a crowded freeway, i'd just hit ctrl+alt+delete, pop open the task manager, and delete a few pesky running programs, and bam, free up my life's system.

Sure, it doesn't have the Superhero-Crime Fighting potential that other powers may have, but at least I'd be happier with life...

I'm honestly surprised no one's taken the power from the famous Ron Howard episode of the Twilight Zone. Changing and creating anything at will, and wishing anything you don't like to "the cornfield." Why would no one pick this? Admittedly I'd probably use it for mostly self-defensive reasons (boss harassment, muggers, etc.) but the offensive capabilities are endless. You'd still be vulnerable, but you can do pretty much whatever you want by virtue of everyone's general distate for being turned into a jack-in-the-box.

This is not a power that I dream of having but rather one that I already have. Only my closest friends are aware of it and I feel a little funny outting myself in a public forum such as this but I guess it's time the world knows:

I have the ability to know exactly how much ketchup to put on my plate so as to finish my entire meal without have to get more from the bottle, or having a single drop left over. You hear me? Not a single wasted drop!

It's hard to explain how this happened to me or how it works. The best I can explain it is when I touch my plate I feel a sort of zen connection with my food. I know how dry the burger is, or how salty the fries are through some sort of food based ESP. So far this power has really only helped save money on ketchup but I am hoping to figure out a way to use it to rob banks.

I'd like the power to turn personalized checks that have puppies on them into personalized checks that have kittens on them.

I'd like the power to create and control pictures from any kind of cloud or smoke. Incredibly detailed pictures of any size, from the wisp of smoke rising from a cigar, to the entire sky on a cloudy day. And I don't want to be limited by distance.

Job wise, I'd be set for life. At first, I thought of small and innocent ways of putting my super power to work - entertaining at children's birthday parties and fairs, special effects for movies and plays, fund raising events, maybe even an act on stage.

But really, I'm a super villain at heart, which means the most logical use would be...

Advertising.

Coke or Pepsi - which would pay more to plaster their logo across the sky of all the major cities? Which political candidate will win the bid to have his benevolently smiling face peer down from the heavens across the entire state of Florida? The possibilities are endless and lucrative.

It's also an unlimited wellspring of self amusement. Gandalf impressions. Optimus Prime vs Megatron battling above the White House? The Death Star hovering malevolently over Las Vegas? An enormous herd of My Little Ponies stampeding across the skies of Canada? Some disturbing tentacle hentai spread... er, you get the idea.

Oh, and to the guy who just cut me off on the freeway? Enjoy your faithful dick cloud that will bob merrily above your head for the next three days.

My power is to give people a long, happy and well lived life.
I may not be able to stop criminals with this power but the sweetest thing about this power is when the criminal dies naturally of old age and says "shit, my life was so sweet but i did that bad thing and know I know I'm going to hell for all eternity.. shit" Since his life was awesome and full of happiness that life wont prepare him for an eternity of hellish torture conducted by demons. yeah its a cool power.

my preferred super power is to generate subtitles. this is how it works, when i go to a foreign country and talk to someone, whatever i say there is a subtitle for their language and when they talk to me, there is an english subtitle below them so i can understand what they are saying

Videogame-man.

I'd Konami code the hell outta myself [and yes, it does sounds weird] and then pick the spreader and BOOM.

That'd be awesome.

The best power to have is to be God. I'd make a great God.

As for a classic choice: teleportation. I hate to drive.

But for the most practical choice: Complete mental enslavement of others. Take over the government of every nation on the planet. Get some *real* change happening... and become hideously wealthy.

Remember Stakar Vaughn from the Guardians of the Galaxy? I want his version of precognition. I want the ability/curse/power to relive my life over and over again, all while retaining my full memory.

Reliving one hour (ala 12:01) or even one whole day (Groundhog or otherwise) just isn't enough time. You're eventually going to go starkers from the repetition. Plus that short of time isn't enough to really enjoy yourself. Years and years of actions and events to be memorized and variations to play with are what's needed.

With this power, I get to find out if I really could have won that fight with the bully in 9th grade shop class or if my friend still would have died if I had decided to go with him that night.

This power trumps everything else, I think. I'm not just getting to relive my life once; I'm doing it over and over and over again. I get to explore every variable, every unanswered question, and every impulse that would spawn an alternate universe.

Who WOULDN'T want this?

For world-saving purposes, I would take the power to telepathically transfer knowledge to others, so I can spread all the essential knowledge about the Bahá'í Faith to everyone on Earth, so more people will join it and independently put its teachings into practise for the betterment of the world and for the creation of a Global Commonwealth uniting the whole world in peace under God's grace.

For practical purposes, I would take the power to stop time for everything except myself and whatever else I wish, so I can have eternity to finish all my University projects and assignments and still get them in on time. It would make my life less stressful.

Geeze, the Baha'i are crazy. Not quite Scientologist crazy, but crazier than the LDS and so forth. The more you know, though... The more you just think they're a bunch of crazy gits.

Each to their own, but it'll take a whole lot more than telepathic teaching to convince people to enlist with that bunch.

I would have to go with Super Intelligence. And I am not even talking like Lex Luthor, or Braniac, no I am speaking of Washu. This is a woman who is so smart she made Ryoko, a being so feared that she had entire armies chasing her. And it would also make up for lacking any other super powers. Want to be able to fly? I will make an anti gravity belt. Want to pick up the hot chicks, fine I will make you a couple, Ryoko style. Want to be the ultimate star wars fan boy? Here have a lightsaber. There is nothing beyond my control nothing I could build an army to take over the world, or I could do anything and be whoever I wanted to be anyone...
But I am far to busy, I need to go finish my particle accelerator and then I need to get the Wayback machine working again, and then I need to.....

I'd go for the ability to make other people instantly gain up to twice their own body weight, and as a side effect it would undo their cosmetic surgery (if they ever had any).

I'd use this power in Hollywood, mostly.

Paris Hilton talking about how great she is? ZAP! Watch her cry!

Billy-Bob being a dick? ZAP! Would Tom Petty cry about his weight?

Lara Flynn-Boyle looks like she's going to blow away with a stiff breeze? ZAP! Now there's more of her to love!

The cast of "Desperate Housewives" bothering you? ZAP! They've got all their old noses back!

It wouldn't be long before we'd sort out who's genuinely beautiful and talented, and who's a big pile of silicon and skin grafts.

And me? I'd be rich because I'd bring a camera.

Hmmm...

First thing that comes to mind? The power to give/infect people with different diseases.

Aside from the fun of sneaking around giving assholes Polio, I'd want to try and do subtle stuff——like giving people small strokes or benign brain lesions that cause weird-ass neurological symptoms that you only see in Oliver Sacks novels, or House. Certain high-profile Holocaust denier? Whoops! Hey, how's Global Alexia treatin' ya? Stupid studio exec who got my favorite show canceled? Uh-oh! Gee, I hate it when the visual cortex loses the ability to perceive image motion!

Maybe I'd stop by a few tree-hugger enclave school districts where the percentage of people getting their kids exempt from vaccines is rising alarmingly, and cause a Cowpox epidemic. See? Nothing truly harmful about that; it even gives Smallpox immunity. There's only the scars left behind. The scars on the skin...and on the inside, in the shadowy place in the human heart where fear and guilt make their den in but a light slumber...

Then I'd get a horse, and a loose, well-worn, hooded robe. I'd have to learn to ride the horse, and at my budget I'd probably have to be content to rent one or something; and I probably wouldn't actually go around spreading plague like a Horseman of the Apocalypse™, 'cause, y'know, I don't really want to draw enough attention to myself to get shot, which would almost certainly happen. But I'd just like to know that I could.

I'd like the power to travel through time and change evens a la Quantum Leap. BUT NOT WHY YOU THINK I WOULD.

Usually people want to use time to undo their mistakes. Fuck that. I'm happy with who I am. I have made mistakes like anyone else, and I refuse to pretend I somehow deserve to be put up on a pedestal. Plus, I generally learn from my mistakes, so why the hell would I take those away? My life is all the better for them.

No, see, I'd rather go back in time to punch certain people in the face, then vanish. Nothing fancy, a simple nose-breaking box, and then I jump through time again. First of all, it'd be fucking hilarious. Imagine Hitler giving his speech, I freeze time, punch him in the nose, and suddenly his face is bleeding. The crowd roars with laughter. So much for your fucking Third Reich.

Most tellingly though, I would go back before the Writer's Strike, and punch Ron Moore in the face for the travesty that was the ending to Battlestar Galactica.

I'm gonna have to go with being able to manipulate time like you manipulate a DVD.
Things getting really boring? Fast forward to the good stuff. Forgot you had crap to do today? Pause that crap and get your work done. (this could also work for bank robberies if you needed the money)
Let's not forget about the fact that you could set things to super slow-motion then go around punching people in the face while they're committing crimes. Faster than a speeding bullet? When the bullet is only moving at 2 meters per hour, hell yes.

While we're at it, just to be on the safe side, I'll take some invulnerability/immortality. Nothing would suck more than having an awesome power like that and accidentally fast-forwarding yourself in front of an 18 wheeler while not paying attention. Let's face it, flying and laser beams from the eyes are all well and good, but when you can slow everything to a crawl and rewind to prevent the bigger crap from happening in the first place, who needs those.

I'm amazed nobody has said Superspeed yet. And I'm sure that's because all the geeks are thinking about the physics involving power and friction... and all the obvious problems with sex. So let me clarify and say that when I say I want Superspeed, I mean I want the low-level, nowhere close to light-speed, don't-need-to-spend-all-my-money-on-food, just fast enough to dodge a bullet Golden Age Flash superspeed.

Now I know what you're thinking - wouldn't that be a useful power for fighting crime in general? Of course it would. But I wouldn't be using it to fight crime - I'd be using it to make my life easier in certain respects.

1. I can go see my girlfriend (who is currently 1000 miles away) anytime I want without worrying about the expense of travel, getting time off, etc. Just up and run... enjoy my day off, run back the next morning, leaving myself enough time to stop by my place, shower and change clothes.

2. I can get all of the paperwork for my job done in seconds (I'm fast enough to type faster but not so fast the computer can't process the information faster than me) so I can spend the rest of the day surfing the Internet... and with the ability to speed-read, I can surf a LOT of the Internet.

3. Those troublesome extra pounds I'm carrying will be gone in a matter of days. Even ignoring the weight I burn off running at least 2000 miles a day to visit my girlfriend, I'll have a lot more free-time to spend working out.

every super hero needs a nemesis. I would be him. I would devise evil schemes to mock you and waste your time. Also with all these super heroes do you think there would be a union or something for them? What happens when a super hero retires? Does he have a 401k? Can we have a "pick your super hero weakness" poll?

"Save game/Undo power"

Imagine you screw up big time,like when you're on a date and say the wrong thing,seeing her/his expression you immediately realze all is lost,that is,unless you have a magical methapsysical "ctr-alt-Z" manipulation of the time and space continuum that allows you to correct that mistake and enjoy instant success forevermore!

By all means this is not an original concept as that insufferable movie Click or the seventh Leisure suit Larry game have taught us,but it sure as hell is useful!

i would have the ability to always be right. This could mean i am extremely intelligent, saying to myself, "I know this." Then, by the effect of my powers, i would have that knowledge.
The secondary effect would be that i could change things to my will. If i was at a boring party, "I thought this was a bikini and mascot costume party." Now it is a party with chicks in bikinis, Mr. Met is doing a Keg stand and that hot California raisin box temptress is in a two piece string number.
That would be the best party ever, and then it would be.

I'd like to have Will Smithism. It's kind of like telepathy but, with less baldness.

When Hitch came out in the theaters I promised myself I wouldn't go see it and yet I was drawn to it like Romero a zombie to a Lane Bryant full of fleshy survivors.

I'd have to go with phasing through solid objects.
There's no better way to say "I'm better than you primitive beings" than being too advanced for things such as doors. "You silly solid organisms need to go on DIETS to relieve yourself of fat? I'd always just assumed everyone could reach under their skin and physically remove it themself." Though, really, could you imagine the sex? You could stick it in anywhere. Anal? Vaginal? I'm thinking cranial.

my power would be to walk into and out of any story told, or in the telling. like what they did on star trek next generation, except without the need of the holodeck. it's probably closest to the sandman.

it's not the clever winner, but there you go.

Meat. Remember how the Care Bears had those emblems on their chests that would emit powers (sometimes loosely) affiliated with the emblem on their chest? My preferred superpower would be the power of meat, emitted from a pork-chop on my chest. I arrive at the party, rock up the to grill, clench my fists, squish my face and "hunhh" - delicious steaks plop out from the emblem on my chest. You want burgers? "Hunhh" - mince meat from my chest. Breakfast? "Hunhh" - sausage links all round. It would be awesome. I could feed the world.

I would have the power to make Namor not a mutant.

I don't want anything too complex, but the power I'd go for would make me the biggest asshole among the superhuman world and I definitely wouldn't be invited to any of the X-Men's bitchin' parties.

Because the power I want is to nullify, or negate, other people's super powers. This wouldn't be a power I control; I would just constantly project a barrier around myself, in all directions, that turns any superhero who walks into the field into a regular person.

There would need to be limits to this, of course. The barrier would only be about thirty feet in every direction. Most limiting to me would be that would I still have ordinary strength (and I'm not too terribly strong), so it would still be challenging for me to actually beat up the weakened superheros (or, rather, supervillains). I wouldn't be able to fight any regular, trained soldiers, but I'd be the only one who would be able to kick some supervillain's ass.

To actually defeat the villains, though, would require a lot of espionage on my part. My primary asset will be the moment of surprise when they realize their powers do not work like they should, and that moment is my only chance to punch them in the face or shoot them, in most cases. If I don't pull off the sneak attack, someone like Superman could run outside my nullifying barrier and throw a frickin' building on me or something (the barrier doesn't stop bullets or anything, so one shot to the head and I'm dead).

I would have a good reason to hide my identity, as a result (unlike Superman). If anyone finds out who I am, I'm pretty much fucked.

My greatest weaknesses would be superheroes/ supervillains without any powers, of course. Batman, Ironman, and the Joker would all kick my ass in a fight. On the other hand, I would be able to defeat Wolverine (goodbye regenaration hax), or Magneto so in their faces.

Best of all, I could screw over everyone else in this contest should they be granted their wishes, simply by being near them. They'd be enjoying their new found powers all fine and dandy until I walk over and ruin the fun. Yeah, I'd easily be the least popular member of any superhero crew and I'd probably develop an inferiority complex because I'm not as strong as the other guys...however, I would be the only one who gets to do it with Rogue, so things wouldn't be too bad.

I would like the ability to instantaneously teleport from one location I know to another location, I know of, without anyone noticing me doing so. It would save on time and money. Wake up in the morning an hour before I have to be at work, take 55 minutes to eat, get ready for work, surf the web, and then, bam, I am at my desk with time to spare. at lunch, I can go to my favorite lunch area regardless of where it is and still be back to work in time. at the end of the day I can go home eat dinner change and then go back to the city for a movie, show, event, or anything. I can get a full 16 hours of non sleep time worth of things done, with out the lost of travel time
I can revisit any place I have been to, without airfare, hotel, or visas. Visit LA in the morning and be back in NY in time for bed. The money I save I use to expand my list of visited places, with a one way ticket and no need for a hotel, in the US anyway.
At conventions I can always get to any panel, regardless of how far I am from it, in seconds and not have to plow thru the crowds. And as no one will notice I will also save on money for the movies and conventions because I would not have to pay any admission.

I think my preferred superpower would have to be the overwhelming power of gossip.
For instance: if there is a rumor that I am an expert thief, then the more people that believe it, the more skilled of a thief I become.
Or if everyone thinks I'm an evil dictator, WHAM! i instantly grow an unhealthy obsession with metal body suits and green capes.
It allows for the maximum amount of power, but enough unpredictability and weakness to keep me in check.
Oh and please refrain from thinking that a this would only work for a 13 year old girl...gossip is everywhere man, and it's coming to get you.

Well I actually do have a super power and it's one you all are probably familiar with since it's been appropriated for Peter Patrelli on Heroes. I can mimic the powers of those around me!!!

Unfortunately I'm the only person on Earth with a superpower...

I could probably go for something practical like, say, being fluent in every language known to man, super speed or strength, the ability to temporarily stop time, invisibility, teleportation, instantaneously healing from any wound, all fine options. Not to mention the classic flying deal.

But for me, I've always loved the concept of the Green Lantern ring. Here, snugly attached to your hand, is a little glowing power ring which fires out energy which can be formed into literally anything you imagine, and gains power simply based on it's user's will. It can literally do just about anything if you want it too. Want to hit a guy with some missiles? Want to fly through the cosmos? Want to hide in an inconspicuous green phonebooth until some odd fellow in glasses barges in and starts undressing? Well you can do that, and so much more.

While the ability to materialize scotch would be powerful indeed I yearn for the ability to materialize chairs.

I can sense you pulling away but let me explain.

First: Yes, whenever you're standing and you don't want to... bam, you have yourself a chair. There's something to be said about the simple things in life.

Second: Fighting crime is the duty of anyone with amazing powers and I would take the responsibility seriously. While at first a chair-out-of-nowhere doesn't seem to imposing, imagine if you will chair after chair flying at a villain, be s/he super or otherwise. What can one reasonably hope to accomplish while chairs continue to smash into you indefinitely? And we’re talking heavy metal fuckers too. Also for all those fleeing perps... well you can imagine the power of a purposefully placed ottoman.

Thirdly: While crime fighting would be my duty, I don't foresee it providing me lavish lifestyle I so rightly deserve as an evolved form of humanity. That's why I'd use my powers to run every chair manufacturer out of business and become the chair mogul of the world. No one can compete with my absolute zero cost setup (well zero plus the price of scotch because I still need to buy that).

The one problem I foresee is seperating myself from the only other chair based superbeing....
....

Deflecting bullets and reversing time would be amusing for awhile, but they pale in comparison to the ability to transform your foes into cookies and eat them up. That is the very apotheosis of "someday they'll pay for what they've done to me, I swear it!"

If I existed in a superhero mythos, I'd want some kind of pansy ability like healing because I like helping people (lame, I know).

But seeing that I live in reality, one of the most appealing things to me is the idea of making my escapist fantasies possible in the real world. I'm speaking specifically of the ability to bring any fictional character to life (from books, movies, anime, games, etc).
Foremost, this ability would be temporary: I could only have one character active at a time, only once a month or so, and only for a consecutive time span of about 24 hours. We all have to have limits, and there's no way I'll be able to drag myself to work, or do the dishes or attend family dinners if I have the choice of hanging out with Bender all day, or staying home and doinking Link.
Also, if you think about it, having this ability would come with certain considerations. For instance, it might be totally awesome to ride around on Gorbash (dragon from Flight of Dragons; I know it's obscure, leave me alone) all day and then watch him light shit on fire, but if he accidentally sneezes on some folks in a Wal-Mart parking lot, that's basically my ass.
Lastly, this ability would apply to any fictional characters of my own creation. So if I could get some shit published, I could summon my own characters! Holy existential mindfuck!

My preferred power is the "Magic Xerox", a concept from The Fairy Oddparents (yes, I watch the Fairy Oddparents with my niece, sue me).

That power is to materialize things that are on paper and make them flesh-and-blood, full-sized real, with personality and all, making everything you "copy" to be fully functional, instead of just a still 3D model of the object of your desire.

Just imagine:

Can´t afford that badass sports car or Harley Davidson bike? get a photo of any of them and BAM! a ride made in heaven, just for you.

Short on money to get the latest video game system? get a ToysRUs brochure and WHAM! all the excitement of the most realistic graphics in your living room, without paying a dime for it. It also helps with last minute gift shopping. Get a bunch o´catalogues, of anything you can come up with (makeup, haute cotour, toys, book, AV gear (useful for me), electronics, etc)

Or if you just need the money, take a $100 dollar bill and make millions with the swing of a hand.

And I won´t even mention what I can do with a stack of softcore porno mags...

I would like to have the power to be able to point my finger at anyone (Pretend pistol style) and BANG! ...Blow their stupid brains out all over the place whenever they do or say something stupid. Leaving bits of brain and skull on their friends to further warn them not to be and Idiot like their recently-exploded friend.
They would be dead for an amount of time equal to the level of stupidity that they have shown. And then, their brains would fly back into their head and their skull would spontaneously reconstruct... leaving them with the knowledge of their stupid actions and WHY it was stupid. Along with an incredible Brain-freeze headache.
Doctor Death strikes again!

Damn. There are some seriously badass ideas flying about here. Not sure I can compete.

Nonetheless, I want to be able to add or remove phobias
from any individual.

Obviously, crime-fighting would be a cinch. Supervillain of the week comes up against me and is suddenly terrified of their own left hand, prompting a highly entertaining Ash vs. Ash's hand-eque scene of terror and dismemberment.

It's the everyday applications that intrigue me. Smelly guy at the gamecon, concert, whatever? Suddenly, he has a morbid fear of germs and must rush off to bathe.

Rabid Twilight fan? Terrified of vampires.

Insanely hot chick? Suddenly afraid of going their whole life without ever having had a lesbian experience. (Okay, I'm probably a little too ethical to use that one, but a girl can dream.)

Domineering boss who makes your life a living hell? Overwhelmed with anxiety about neglecting his/her family and dying alone.

Terrorist? Fear of death.

I could also do some serious good as a therapist. Hypnosis, therapy, confronting your fears... psht. Snap of my fingers and your deep-seated mental issues are just freakin' gone.

Truly, there is no problem it cannot solve! Direct your praises at Mistress Stay-puft! (I could never possibly destroy you... right?)

My 2nd awesome super power is to turn on/off anybody's senses. I could let the blind see and criminals paralyzed in fear for not hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting anything.

oh, and the ablity to pull out the exact money you need to buy something.

No contest entry from me; just a deeply heartfelt "Thank You!" to Golem for name-checking Slapstick, whom I co-created waaaaayyyyy back in the 90's. Then they spent exactly no time or money promoting the book, and stood idly by while confused retailers racked the damn thing next to Archie and Casper, instead of other super-hero titles! Dumbasses. I guess I should be grateful to Dan Slott for resurrecting a character only four readers ever cared about, but I'm so unhappy about what he's done with it that I dread those fucking phone calls: "Guess what I'm gonna have Slapstick do next!!!" Murder you in your sleep, Dan? I can only hope.....

My power would be to think of the perfect put-down.
We've all been there. You've had a raging argument. Half an hour later "Oh, I should have said [insert terribly cruel and whitty remark here] instead!"
My power would be to instantly think of these comments there and then.

I am the A-Nihil-ator. I am the greatest nihilist of all. I can defeat any foe by simply not believing in them.

The ability to generate cool, summer breezes by saying the following...

"Coooooollllll Brrreeeeeeeze."

With appropriate hand gestures/jazz hands.

Okay, so someone mentioned Jesus. But has anyone mentioned having the powers of Evil Flying Jesus?!

It's Jesus + flight = unstoppable. Of course the unstoppable part also comes from the fact that you would naturally have the power of self-resurrection (Happy Easter!).

I'm gonna be the straight up fanboy i am and say i'd want Jamie Madrox's Dupe powers from X-Factor. The fun i'd have!

......... well.... some fun.... i think.

Shapeshifting.

Not as original (or unconventional) as what's been mentioned, but it's pretty all-purpose, if you think about it:

- You can to be someone with access to insane amounts of money
- Commit all kinds of crime and if you need to lay low...BAM! You're someone else!
- Hot chicks (or dudes, if that's your trip) on tap, if you get my drift
- Just the thing for avoiding the dangerous, the irritating, what have you...
- Smear the reputations of people you really hate

Pretty drawback-free, if you ask me.

Well, besides the hormone-driven decision to go for invisibility, i.e. virtually free pass into any dressing/lock room you desire, I think it would be cool to have a super-enhanced ability to basically absorb, scan, and read through massive amounts of data, never having to try to remember that one actor or that one song or that one trivia tidbit, and being able to go through so much news and information at a time, without wasting a ton of time doing it.

Sort of a new twist on "high speed" surfing of the internet.

Flight and here's how i would squander it. I would choose someone at random. everyday this person would get in there car to go where ever they are going(work, school, church, the market) they would travel without a care in the world. their security in a world gone mad would then be shattered as they stop at a stoplight, stop sign, parking, etc. where i would then swoop down, land on their hood and, while they're are still in the drivers seat, gingerly shimmy down my pants and deuce on their hood. i would then rocket back into the stratosphere before they are aware of what just happened. this would continue unabated to the same person, never the same place or time, everyday for as long as it would take to drive the person mad or i would get bored and move on to someone new. Premeditated random hood deucing.

I would have the ability to, once, and only once, broadcast the entirety of "Yoshimi Battles the Giant Pink Robots" into every mind in the universe, thereby ensuring that we have at least one hour of total peace, followed by the majority of wars ending, because no one is sure what just happened and is too relaxed to care about fighting anymore.

My God do I love that album.

Obviously, I would like to have the same power as Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen, which is having an enormous blue shlong. Can you say life of the party?

The ability to forever wipe memories of fan fiction friday from my brain. I would never wake up in a cold sweat screaming ''No, Ninja Turtles!!!!!''. *shivers*

I've always thought that if I had Spiderman's powers, there would be no Spiderman; there would only be the highest paid shortstop in the history of professional baseball. Unless, of course, I could combine the powers of Spiderman with the healing factor/crazy ass claws of Wolverine. Then I would, as many have stated before me, be an un-freaking-stoppable bank robber. While lame and uncreative, that is the superpower I've always wanted.

I'd like the ability to win one of these damn t-shirts without making myself seem like the total ass!

So yea... power on!

Infinite capacitor powers like soundwave in Transformers- the ability to convert any sort of kinetic energy into potential energy. Sunlight turns to starchy sugars. Don't like that wasted kinetic heat energy being wasted from your dryer, whoa! I just converted it into gasoline. Some evil villain has some super powerful death ray, bam, convert to kilowatts and power Hoboken NJ.

I would very much like the ability to teleport food anywhere in the world, especially the tummy. It could be any food I imagine, too. That way i wouldn't have to pay for food or learn to cook. That would free up a lot of money for buying imported lead figurines and a lot of time reading comic books. This power has great humanitarian applications as well. It would end famine worlwide because I could materialize the food anywhere. This would greatly reduce waste because there would no longer be a need to transport foo in bags, boxes, and tins. I would definitely get a Nobel Prize for my paradigm shattering power. It could also be applied to crime busting. I could teleport pineapples into murderers' stomachs so that their stomach linings rupture, killing them with their own gastric juices. I could have lobster bisque beamed into the blood vessels of terrorists from the comfort of my living room half a globe away. My powers would end crimes of neccessity because nobody would have to steal to put food on the table. Borrowing The Way-Back Machine, I could teleport a baguette ino Jean Valjean's gullet before he made the mistake of breaking into a bakery. Thusly, I would be able to prevent the world from having to read Les Miserables or see the musical. I could be the superhero Dr. Manhattan wished he was. With this power, I could - dare I say it? - rule the world! Moo ha ha ha.

Ya, all those, well at least some of those powers, are all right. However, none of them compare to the most powerful, and somewhat possible powers of one of the most under rated unutilized super villains I have ever come across, the Spot.

The Spot as some of you may recall has the ability to control wormholes bending space to his will. Nothing except a godlike being has more power.
Flight, possible with a little imagination, but not necessary.
Fighting, ha drop a big wormhole under someone into the center of the sun. Even if they can fly sandwich them with two.
The only power that you would be slightly vulnerable to would be telepathy, and its pretty hard to control someone’s mind from the bottom of the ocean.
Most people think ok, so I can warp some money out of a bank or punch someone from across the room, big deal, but that is just the tip my friend. Want to kill someone without being blamed. Make a wormhole in their carotid and suck out their blood. Want to be a fly on the wall, stick your ear through a wormhole under the table and your eye through one on the wall. Get your taxes done on time without hassle, offer an accountant/IRS agent a free trip to Hawaii.

So you could kick ass as a superhero what else do you have. Forget robbing banks, open a few wormholes from Hong Kong to new York and charge people 10 bucks per trip. Make more bank than you can ever count and stop oil usage.
Nuclear, coal, natural gas...., or any power plant. NONONONO. open a tiny wormhole to the surface of the sun and use the heat as a power source.
Hunger, half of the problem is transportation, the other half can be solved with the money you are making charging people to go to Hong Kong.

As for the reality of this power: Controlling it with your mind such as the spot does, not so realistic, but being able to create and control them, I will let you argue it with it with men such as Einstein, Rosen, Visser, Morris, Thorne, Krasnikov or their like.

I'd like to have the power to know the answer to every question I ask myself.

"What sentence makes this mugger run away in tears?"
"What sentence makes that nice girl jump out of her panties for me?"
"What would be the feeling of watching 5 seasons of Firefly in a row?"
"What will the next lottery numbers be?"
"Is there a god and what would be his favourite pizza topping?"
"What exactly would I do to archive immortality?"
"What should I write to win this weeks TR contest?"

...I rest my case

Ghop said:

I'd have to go for the ever useful Dancing on the Ceiling power. Why should Lionel only have the ability to do it?

Lionel, nothing. Everyone knows Fred Astaire had that ability first, until Lionel killed him and stole the power. There can be only one!!!

Seriously though, I think what I've learned from this TR Contest is that there are some crazy messed up people out there who I hope never get super powers (Except for maybe the Cool Breeze dude. That was awesome). So, I think for my superpower, I'd like to be Information Girl. Hey, all you guys who want superpowers just to see naked women: there's this stuff on the Internet called porn. Totally free, no superpowers required. Get busy!

They always go together, even though they have seperate names: telepathy and telekinesis.

Why? Once I develop 'em, I'd be insanely powerful. Don't believe me? Let me explain:

Okay, so you start with the basic TP/TK combo, but that's not all, since the brain runs on electrical impulses, you've also got basic EK (electrokinesis) and EMP generation abilities, both of which can be increased over time with training. Telepathy can also be used to generate flight and force fields, not a bad little powerset so far, eh? I'm not done. Not by a long shot.

Next up is pyrokinesis (PK). Sure, you need a bit of fuel to spark it, but that's not hard, besides the fact that you could use advanced TK to create a sphere of pure oxygen, so the atmosphere itself provides your fuel. EK plus TK can also equal power blasts, likewise PK + TK = fireballs. I don't think I need to mention the Sith-like lightning that you can blast out of your hands now, too, do I? Didn't think so.

Poor little TP feeling left out so far? Not to worry, you can use it to detect what people are planning to do, and train your hand-mind coordination to give yourself slightly superhuman reflexes, and if you train yourself it can also give you eidetic memory. That's not to mention the fact that you can now speak any language just by tapping into that portion of the person your speaking to's mind, or the fact that that could plausibly work with animals as well...

Hey, know that EMP we talked about to before? You can avoid radar and electrical detection now! Couple that with the TP, and you're completely invisible to man and machine!

Couple the TK and EK in a different way and you can disorient people with a lightshow, or if you find it easier, you can put out a TP pulse and give them a migraine or brain hemmorage if you're particularly vicious.

Know how you're invisible to detection now? How would you like to turn that around with a sonar of your own? Combine your TP & TK and try it out!

Hmm... with this invisibility and sonar of your own (and of course being able to speak any language and pick any password out of someone) you're becoming a pretty good spy now aren't you? Why not let an enemy agent do the spying for you and just watch/listen through them? Yep, remote surveillance is quite nice isn't it?

Fanatic ideallist or mutant terrorist? Whatever you think Magneto ultimately is, you can recreate his power, too! Thank your EK for that!

You just got hit by a car! Sure you had your force field up, but it still pisses you off! Convert the energy with a combination of TK and EK and blast it to smithereens!

You've been getting pretty agile with your superhuman reflexes haven't you? Take that to the next level with a bit of reflexive memory and imitate the stuff you see other people do!

I haven't mentioned good, old-fashioned mind control yet? How lame of me. Yeah, of course that comes with this, too!

Not that a lot of these powers haven't involved extensive training with the basic TP/TK/EK combo to pull off, but we're about to dive into the REALLY advanced stuff here. All of the following would take at least a few years of training to pull off, and even then, some of it would be pretty risky, but... once you get good at it, you're golden:

You've learned to draw oxygen out of the air for pyrokinesis, but you want to fly at supersonic speeds, or in the upper atmosphere, or maybe explore the depths of the ocean... you're gonna need to create a pocket of breathable air around your head for that. This also works in areas filled with smoke or other poisonous gasses.

You're getting pretty good at isolating molecules and controlling how they vibrate to create more speciallized pyrokinetic effects, energy blasts, or whatever, so now it's time to learn to control your own. Do that and you can phase through walls.

This is the one that most people would be afraid to try, and for good reason, you screw up even slightly and you could easily be killed, but once you can control your molecules well enough to phase yourself, teleportation isn't that big of a leap to make power-wise.

You're never going to be quite like Wolverine, and you'll have to focus yourself to pull it off, but as long as you're controlling the molecules of your body, why not heal whatever injuries you've sustained during your adventures on your own? It'll certainly save on hospital bills and keep you from having to explain why you have a table fused to your leg from a phasing accident or what that weather vane is doing pierced through your shoulder from getting distracted while training yourself to be a human magnet.

Ever wanted to transform yourself like Beast Boy or Mystique? That's probably possible with this level of control, too, but it might be pushing it.

There are many other uses for general molecular control as well, of course. Dissolve a wall to get into somewhere you want to go. Turn an attacking enemy to dust by removing all the water from his body, etc. Have fun with it.

You were just thinking that you can make your own gold and diamonds through alchemy with your molecular control, weren't you? If you weren't, though: what's wrong with you?!? Of course you could! Hell, pull some carbon out of the air and compress your girlfriend a new rock for that gold ring you made her with your magnetism right now!

Okay, not that it wasn't insane what someone would be able to do at this point already just building up from TP/TK, but you've gotta go big or go home. Push your powers to the mimit, and use your telekinesis on the atmosphere itself. Congratulations, you can now affect the weather.

Not like this entry isn't long enough as it is, but I feel that I should give you folks a nice simple list of everything that one could potentially develop out of telepathy/telekinesis:

1 - Telepathy
2 - Telekinesis
3 - Electrokinesis
4 - EMP Generation
5 - Pyrokinesis
6 - Eidetic Memory
7 - Superhuman Reflexes
8 - Cypher
9 - Animal Communication
10 - Flight
11 - Illusion Generation
12 - Functional Invisibility
13 - Radar Invisibility
14 - Lightshow/Disorientation
15 - Migraine/Hemmorhage Pulse
16 - Sonar
17 - Force Blasts
18 - Energy Blasts
19 - Electro Blasts
20 - Fireball
21 - Mind Control
22 - Remote Surveillence
23 - Magnetism
24 - Energy Conversion
25 - Reflexive Memory
26 - Air Filtration
27 - Underwater Breathing
28 - Phasing
29 - Teleportation
30 - Healing Factor
31 - Morphing (maybe)
32 - Molecular Control
33 - Alchemy
34 - Weather Control

Insane, huh?

I would like to be able to psychically emit giant aqua-blue anti-jackass rays at will. Thus, the next time you're driving home at night and the guy behind you is taligating and shining his halogen lights right into your rearview mirror--ZAP!--you psychically blast him with a couple of anti-jackass rays and he backs off (but the tribal tattoo on his arm is erased). Or when your boss tells you to do one thing and then yells at you ten minutes later for not doing something else--ZAP!--you unleash a torrent of anti-jackass rays at him, and he almost disintegrates, but the point is he leaves you the hell alone. The anti-jackass rays could also be used to vaporize people who never remove their Bluetooth from their ears, those guys who air guitar along with their favorite band at a concert, or, say, Kanye West.

Sorry my post is so insanely long. It just kinda had to be to effectively show just how powerful a telepath could be.

Oh! Crap!

35 - Astral Projection
(Although it'd be up near the top of the list as an easier thing to pull off, I'm just adding it to the end since I forgot about it for some reason.)

My power comes from a series known as Super Robot Taisen. This power is the the ability to summon forth a change of title for an episode by sheer willpower, making text appear above the surface of the earth for all to witness. Of course the random numbers for the episode may confuse many, but I would use this power primarily to give everyday shmucks a little bit of hope that an episode of their lives is worth proclaiming to the world!

Aegis, what do you find crazy about the Bahá'í Faith. One of the many reasons I joined it is because I considered it the most rational and the least fanatical religion around today. Please explain to me what you consider to be crazy Aegis.

I'd like to use SQL to query the universe....
How much lost money is within 1 mile of my location.
What the first time everyone nearby did act x, sorted by age.
What planets within 15 lightears have life, sorted by complexity.
From this table of presumed dead people, who is, in fact still alive.
That sort of thing.

I've read about some abilities that would be really fun to have like
1) the ability to verbally communicate with the inanimate and have it verbally talk back to you. I could get a car and talk to it to see if it's a lemon or not, talk to someone's clothes and find out all kinds of embarrassing stuff about them, get the digits to unlock any safe, hell, I could talk cameras into turning themselves off, guns into not working, etc.
2) the ability to not appear on any electronic media that you choose. Cameras can't take your pictures and when the robot apocalypse comes, that may be one of the best powers to have.
3) the ability to open any book and get the answer to a question you want to know. Even stuff no one really knows, like "the meaning of life", "is there a God", "where can I find a Jessica Alba sex tape", "how did the dinosaurs die out", "What does Jessica Biel look like naked", "who is this idiot that posts stupid stuff on the internet and where does he live", "where can I find the buried treasure of..." would be yours for the cost of a paperback. Not much of a offensive power, but you wanna talk about having power (for good or ill).
4) The ability to change things slightly (as long as they basically stay the same). Find an old junked out muscle car, make it showroom new again, ???, PROFIT. Of course you could heal and that kind of stuff, or turn your old 486 paperweight into a bleeding edge computer. The fun never ends.
5) The ability to stab people in the face(or at least bitch slap the hell out of them) over the internet. 'Nuff said.

i'd want an instant, all-encompassing soundtrack. A particularly awesome moment about to happen? kick-ass drum and bass that rattles everyone's nards. About to lay it on with a lady friend? Irrestible R and B of the gods rolls in from the horizon, blowing her clothes off. Irritated by what some crazy talking head is spewing forth on t.v.? Insert the sad "wah wah waaahhh" trumpet sound after everything they say.
i'd be able to choose who hears the soundtrack, the mix, and i wouldn't have to worry about securing the rights, because lawyers would hear the meow mix song turned up past eleven every time they ever thought about hitting me with some lawsuit.

As an addendum to my earlier entry, omnipotence would also be a nice power to have (and would coicidentally cover both food teleportation and time travel without a Way-Back Machine or TARDIS plus everybody's answers).

Air-ness

I cant play guitar at all, but i play one hell of an air-guitar. So if i could choose a power it would be that every time i played air-guitar out came real electric guitar sound.

What a crazy, random happenstance. Just yesterday my friends and I were having a huge war over this same subject.

Well, my dream power would be to re-create any skill or power I've ever seen in an anime. Been watching Dragonball all afternoon? BAM! I'm hurling exploding disks and Kamehamehas like they're going out of style. My hair is standing straight up and turning all kinds of bat-shit crazy colors. Just popped in Street Fighter? That jackass who won't get off his cell phone in line just got Hadouken'd like it was cool!

Evading police pursuit? No problem, I've been watching Initial D all night, drift for victory.

Dare I even dream of the joys that will visit me after viewing FLCL? *Joygasm*
Oh, and don't think I won't abuse the Hentai powers, either.

Who are all the random people who come out of the woodwork for these contests? SERIOUSLY? This many people? Is there some other blog that hotlinks to the contest of the week?

Believe or not, I’ve thought of being a superhero before. Because ya know, I’m a dork. Like, I want to have electric powers. Like, I want to shoot electric bolts out of my fingertips. But my fake back story was I was plugging my Wii into an overpowered outlet and it sent me flying backwards into a comma and I ended up with electric powers. Yes, I have a back story. Anyway, I would go on to utilize these powers to fight crime. But I had to learn how to control it. So I modified a NES Power Glove to give me control of my electricity whenever I needed it. I could power it off and on or to my liking on the fly. But I also decided I’d need a way to get around, so I took a Wii Balance Board and modified it so I could fly around. It was awesome. Like a hoverboard from Back to the Future, but it was a Balance Board! I decided from that point on my super hero name should be known as The Fanboy and I would fight off foes like The Troll, Lag and Red Ring.
Then I woke up.

The superpower I would choose would be to interact within the internet in real time.

"Somalian Pirates Capture Ship" - reading the news item, zip! snap in behind head corsair, knife to the back.

"Dow Plummets!" - slip into Warren Buffet's on-line portfolio back-up, copy everything he does onto mine.

Need a vacation - my this shot of Cancun at spring break looks inviting. ZIP!

Damn, I'm hungry. ZIP! Hello, Rachel Ray! Why yes, I would love to try the spare ribs. Let me just reach over here to www.guiness.com and grab a cold one.

Ooooh, www.slinkycoeds.com! ZIP!!

Damn! Forgot the viagra! Pfizer site, here I come!

Match.com put YOU two TOGETHER? Oh, no. I don't think so. She's got a facebook page. I'll be catching up with her later.

Now, to round out the evening, where's that mpg of Darth and Obi Wan duking it out. I promised Darth a rematch!

ok. I want to be able to control a mental bowl-disruptor field.
bear with me. there is nothing that anyone can do to counter this.
you could easily face entire armies and they would collapse instantly due to pain and suffering from wave after wave of explosive diarrhea.
I dont care if you are the goddamn superman. Kryptonite's got nothing on shitting out ma'kents homemade corncob pie in mid-air flight.
Apocalypse eats plants, and his ass throws up the milky way.

could you send girly tee? thanks.

The ability to make anyone crap their pants.

This could certainly come in handy while, say, chasing bad guys. All I'd have to do is implant the thought, and like a telepathic D-note, the humiliation, not to mention squishiness, that the bad dude would suffer would surely slow, if not end the chase. This is especially a handy power, because the villain would not see it coming. No feeling of 'Oh man, I hope we find a port-a-john in the next thirty seconds cuz if not... NOOO!' Oh no. None of that. One moment, underwear is clean, dignity intact, and in the next, well, you know.

Also, couldn't you just see Jack Bauer totally rocking this awesome power to prevent the Grand Canyon from exploding around the President and his entire cabinet?

What superpower would I want? Strength? Flight? Penis enlarging skills? Maybe to channel the powers of Rudy Ray Moore, otherwise known a "pimpokenysis?"

No my friends, the super power that I want more than anything in the world is the ability to teleport the sound and smell of my farts to anywhere I want.

Is it really a "super" power? Arguably not, but if Marvel can give Doug Ramsey "language deciphering mutant powers" then I say let tele-flatulence reign supreme.

There is no end to the amount of fun that can be had with this power.

Did that jerkhole at work steal your parking space again? How about you teleport a nice stinky broccoli fart over when he's trying to flirt with the hot secretary.

Or how about just hanging out at the mall, why not send a real nice butt-flapping ripper fart over to that crowd of teenage girls? I dare you not to die laughing at the fallout from that one.

Are you sick of listening to Michael Bay rant about how his version of Transformers is the only one that matters? Exact your revenge by delivering a well placed heater right into his mouth at the Comi-con.

Oh yeah, the heater, we're talking a diet of sauerkraut and pickled eggs slowly burning a hole in your skivvies instantly teleported right into his flapping headed jerk mouth. We'll see how much he enjoys killing off Arcee when he's tasting a mix of fermented nachos and Tombstone pizza that just emitted from my sphincter.

I would use this power every single chance I had, and you would too. Already I can see the sadistic possibilities forming in your brain, and the endless amounts of joy that will ensue.

Is tele-flatulence the greatest super power ever? No, but it is undoubtedly the most fun.

Excelsior!

I know the contest is over, but this one just came to me:

I would want the power to punch people over/through the phone.

Telemarketers? *BAMF!*
3 AM Drunk Dials? *SLAP!*
Quitting a Job Via Phone? *POW!*

That power would be supremely satisfying.

I know the contest is over, but I would like the ability to make anyone in the world high at any time. Think of how easily you could achieve world peace, not to mention the amount of money I would charge frito-lay to use my ability.