One quick announcement before I begin this weekend's contest: ChopShopStore.com, who were kind enough to sponsor last weekend's contest, were so impressed by your haikus (and rightfully so) that they've offered every Topless Robot reader a $5 off coupon for any order. Simply head over there and enter "toplessrobot" as the coupon code and enjoy. I'd like to thank them again for their generosity and cool shirts.

Now for the contest. As you might have guessed, I'm still exhausted after sorting through last weekend's haikus, so here's a long-requested topic: give me the worst comic run of all time. It has to have the same artist or writer, so no skipping about, although you're obviously cool to focus on either the art or the writing or a combination of both. Things you need to know:

• One entry per person.
• Try to be brief, please. I'm very fragile right now.
• Here are the other rules.
• As per usual, there will be one winner of one TR shirt.

Contest ends on Monday, June 1st, at 3am. I hope you all get access to all the Peters and love sockets you want this weekend, courtesy of

First up -- someone took out the opening music to the Will Smith sitcom Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, kept the vocal track, and added the intro music to the old PC game Cave Story. It is spectacular, and possible exactly what the internet was ultimately designed for. Watch:


So what's better than that? Major Lazer, a cartoon character created for some bizarre dancehall music concept project by producers Switch and Diplo. Lazer, having lost his arm in the "secret zombie war of 1984," has a laser cannon and a flying surfboard and basically goes around killing the shit out vampires, zombies, and mummies. It is the raddest fucking thing I've ever seen.

Um, toy industry people? Can we have action figures of Major Lazer and his villains, like, right now please? Look at the zombie vampire on the phone, and tell me he's not the coolest motherfucker on the planet. Well, besides Major Lazer, of course. (Via I Heart Chaos and Stereogum)

I've decided to take a walk on the lighter side of horrible fan fiction this week -- also a walk on the side with heterosexuality -- with this incredibly juvenile and bizarre tale from C.King titled "Gencom: Spider-man." What is Gencom? I'm glad you asked. It's the genie computer, of course, but it is a genie computer with quite a naughty mind! Memory bank! Turban! Whatever.

This story involved a computer program that was created in a similar vein as the original pen of existance, but binding the spirit of a powerful wish granting spirit into the code. This created a powerful computer file that would allow one to alter their reality as they wished, but in binding the spirit there were traces of it's personality left in the machine. A spirit that could influence the user in minor ways including encouraging the user to keep using the program. A spirit that was one of the greatest perverts in the history of his species and would love watching it's master have a life that Hugh Hefner would envy.

This is the story of Gencom, the Genie Computer. Also known as the wishing system or the perverts best friend.

The computer CD/DVD combination that held the program had been knew to fall from world to world as fate degreed. Causing confusion in it's wake as well as some very happy people, it was know emerging into a world where it would find plenty of use for it's system.

This world was the world of the Marvel Superheroes very similar to universe 616. This is the story of that Gencom.

After Spider-man defeats a herd of AIM agents, he comes face to face with Gencom, the Genie Computer, and like any hero, does not question the machine's powers or its morality, but immediately begins using it to score a threesome with MJ and Black Cat.

'I suppose that I could make that fantasy become reality using this program. A few minutes with the keyboard and I can change the realtionship between the three of us into something that was quite closer then what it was before. A threesome might be relaxing after all of the difficulty with being Spider-man.'

It might indeed, true believer! Hit the jump for more.

• The BBC is planning to make a Doctor Who movie -- as in a real, released-to-theaters one. No one has decided which of the two Who showrunners would be in charge (if either), or if megapopular David Tennant or new Doctor Matt Smith would star (if either). (Via Digital Spy)

 • There's going to be another Doctor Who animated series, titled Dreamland, running seven 6-minute episodes on Children's BBC, and with the voice of Tennant. (Via Den of Geek)

• The new Who's new Companion has been cast, and it's the very young, mostly unknown and rather pale Karen Gillan, seen above. The BBC hopes this will draw attention away from the fact that Matt Smith is incredibly young, generally unknown, and crazy pale. (Via First Post)

E3 has returned, and here's the two videos released that I'm betting you're most interested in (so far): a new clip of various Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 cinematics and then a look at the exclusive-on-PS3-but-probably-later-available-on-Xbox 360-although-noone's-admitting-it Joker missions on Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Specifically, the live-action movie begins almost exactly like the anime, complete with Saya taking out a salaryman in a '70s subway car and the shadowy government agent who are perturbed that the salaryman in question didn't turn into a vampire. It's also the same in that whoever they hired to be the American agents are terrible actors.

The only real change that I can tell, besides the silly opening summary, is that the vampires are called "bloodsuckers," which is exceedingly goofy, especially as delivered by these "actors." Still, you can do far worse that copy the Blood anime scene for scene, so even though it's in preposterously lo-res, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

Gunaxin has pretty awesome cllection of Star Wars commercials, but I had to share this gem of Col. Sanders, the short-lived Pizza Hut girl and the Taco Bell chihuahua fighting of an army of battle droids. I'd forgotten it existed, but man, seeing he fried chicken magnate bust out a lightsaber and begin taking out droids is as awesome as anything that actually ended up in Phantom Menace.

By Chris Cummins

 

From the mid-1970s to the mid-1990s, promotional glasses were huge merchandising tie-ins for films and TV shows. Sometime after Batman Forever brought cinematic misery to theaters (with corresponding etched mugs being hawked at McDonalds) the trend died. Wild stories about lead paint and tales of kids injuring themselves and others with the drinkware ensued. It's fun to envision middle school toughs manufacturing shivs out of shattered Papa Smurf glasses, but in reality the premiums were most likely discontinued because of high production costs. Thanks to Burger King's recent Star Trek offerings, the collectibles are back in vogue. Those of you drinking from 32-yeard-old chipped Darth Vader glasses will especially appreciate this news. In honor of a whole new era of nerdy drinking containers, let's take a look at the coolest fast food glasses ever released. 

I don't know what's blowing my mind more, that:
1) This exists
2) The drunk Tiny Toons don't just steal a car, but a cop car
3) That, despite dying at the end, this cartoon shows being drunk as generally awesome, or
4) That Buster, Plucky and Hamton have found a never-ending bottle of beer.

Sadly, it's probably mostly that last one. (Via I Heart Chaos)

We've all bitched about unnecessary movie remakes here, but I'm not even mad about the news that some jackass over at Fox plans on remaking Ridley Scott's masterpiece Alien -- I'm just baffled. You're not going to have more talent involved. Even with today's CG, you're not going to have better effects. Not that I would at all condone a remake of Casablanca, but at least you could argue that that movie could be updated to modern times -- but you can't fucking do that with a science fiction movie set way in the future. So what will the result be? A pile of shit that in no way matches up the original, nor ever could. (Via Bloody-Disgusting)