Thursday, Jun. 18 2009 @ 3:57PM
Zach Oat is an editor over at Television Without Pity, the former editor of ToyFare magazine, a G.I. Joe fiend and a good, good friend. This is a conversation we had about a couple of hours ago on IM:
Zach: Have you seen this?
Just when you thought Snake Eyes was the best-looking thing in the movie.
me: OH MY GOD.
That's just tragic.
Zach: "Can we accentuate his huge lips somehow? And his trousers?"
me: Really, why the trousers?
Why not... ninja pants?
Zach: I guess tights are too gay? For middle america?
I don't know how slacks are an improvement.
me: Me either. Those Dockers do not make me think of heterosexuality.
Zach: The lips bother me more than the pants.
me: Naturally.
Well, that's because only two types of masks have lips like that.
Old-school Halloween masks from the '80s and gimp masks.
Actually, not even all gimp masks have lips.
Just the extra creepy ones.
Zach: If it was a zipper mouth, I'd actually love it.
me: Sadly, a zipper would make the mask less creepy, wouldn't it?
Zach: Yes.
Because then I'd know if he could open his mouth or not. I'm worried he's going to.
me: If he does, you know they got Sam Jackson to do his voice.
Zach: "These are some goddamn comfortable pants!"
Zach: Have you seen this?
Just when you thought Snake Eyes was the best-looking thing in the movie.
me: OH MY GOD.
That's just tragic.
Zach: "Can we accentuate his huge lips somehow? And his trousers?"
me: Really, why the trousers?
Why not... ninja pants?
Zach: I guess tights are too gay? For middle america?
I don't know how slacks are an improvement.
me: Me either. Those Dockers do not make me think of heterosexuality.
Zach: The lips bother me more than the pants.
me: Naturally.
Well, that's because only two types of masks have lips like that.
Old-school Halloween masks from the '80s and gimp masks.
Actually, not even all gimp masks have lips.
Just the extra creepy ones.
Zach: If it was a zipper mouth, I'd actually love it.
me: Sadly, a zipper would make the mask less creepy, wouldn't it?
Zach: Yes.
Because then I'd know if he could open his mouth or not. I'm worried he's going to.
me: If he does, you know they got Sam Jackson to do his voice.
Zach: "These are some goddamn comfortable pants!"
32 comments
Comments
Stephen said:
I still don't get the big deal about the pants. Sure, it's a little off-model, but... how many soldiers do you see going into battle in those Speedo full body suits swimmers wore at the Olympics?
"Sorry, General Hawk, we'll be good to go in ten minutes - we need to grease up Snake so that he can fit into the suit."
Xanthippas said:
I don't understand. So he paints his chin and lips black to match the rest of his mask? Like, a full mask might've been easier dude. Just sayin'...
Templar said:
I guess tights are too gay? For middle america?
I guess Middle America is a safe target? For aging nerds?
Glitchy Goblin said:
Because when snake eyes takes off his mask in the new movie, he'll have fathered black hair and make up, like My Chemical Romance. He'll then tell Storm Shadow about his feelings and they'll make out.
That's why he has shiny scene kid pants.
Joe said:
Yes. Middle America must die. Megan "Super Genius" Fox said so. It's not like the West Coast has a problem with Gays or Gay Marriage or...oh wait.
Kevin said:
They just aren't trying too hard with this movie, are they?
Darren said:
His head looks like Geordi Laforge from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Mars said:
Yeah, Middle-America has no problems with form-fitting slacks that accentuate a little junk-in-yer-trunk. Iowa just legalized Gay Marriage, afterall!
No, instead I'm almost convinced this whole movie is some gross experiment to see just how subversive they can make your nostalgia before you'll decide to just let the memories go.
I was sure of this fact when they hired the martial arts expert Ray Park to play Snake Eyes, then immediately stuffed him into a absurd muscle suite and hooked him up on some wire stunts and CGI effects before sending him off shopping at the Banana Republic.
The lips on a faceless mask was just the final Jenga block in this whole precarious experiment of theirs...
Kevin said:
Somehow, they've made Snake Eyes look like Geordi LaForge.
Brent Walker said:
1st gen Snake Eyes was the best. Black goggles (not a Geordi visor), functional vents (not lips), and Uzi and a satchel charge. That's it.
This bobblehead looks like a cross between Geordi (as mentioned) and that big dude with a gold thing on his head from Stargate SG-1.
Do not taunt Happy Fun King Psyz© said:
Why is it so hard to duplicate the simplistic design of black fatigues, black under armor style top, balaclava, and eye guard?
lou-bert vs. q-bert said:
Snake Eyes with Fish Lips?
Templar said:
1st gen Snake Eyes was the best. Black goggles (not a Geordi visor)
V2 Snake Eyes (i.e. the visored one) predates TNG by a full two years, so in fact, it's actually Geordi who was wearing a Snake Eyes visor.
Hachiko said:
What's worse? Lips on Snake-Eyes mask or nipples on the Batsuit?
Could be worse though. They could retain the CGI team that made ghey ass lions in I Am Legend to create Snake-Eyes' wolf.
Templar said:
Yes. Middle America must die. Megan "Super Genius" Fox said so.
I'd be curious to know how she reasons that a race of extraterrestrial robots bent on the subjugation of Earth could be appeased by what would effectively amount to the accomplishment of a small part of their ultimate objective...
Elfie said:
I looks like a vacuum sealed black rubber version of Jordie LaForge from ST:TNG.
Elfie said:
It looks like a vacuum sealed black rubber version of Jordie LaForge from ST:TNG.
DJRM said:
This thoery may be out there but maybe in the GIJOE movie Snake Eyes will be a robot. Has anyone else considered that? It would not surprise me if Snake Eyes turns out to be a robot in the movie and that is part of the reason for the molded on lips.
JPyke said:
Rob's intimate knowledge of mask-lips is mildly disturbing.
unlucky13 said:
His pants wouldn't be unusual if everything else on him wasn't skin tight or if his pants were bloused like most Soldiers. I guess this is the business casual Snake-eyes.
The lips are freaky. It's kinda like a black-face Snake-eyes. Maybe this was what Snake-eyes looked like back in 1920.
Mindfucker said:
Whatchu talkin' bout Destro?
Kanye?
plasticfetish said:
That may be the longest conversation of any kind, that anyone has EVER had about a "Wacky Wobbler."
Baltar said:
Is that LeBron James with a Snake Eyes outfit?!?
Huge lips are not a characteristic of someone who is supposed to have an Asian background...
Mike said:
Snake eyes is white baltar
Cornholio said:
ROFL, the last line just killed me... I almost fell off my chair!
Zach Oat said:
Hey, Templar! Sarcasm! Read about it!
Templar said:
Hey, Templar! Sarcasm! Read about it!
Read about it? I'm Canadian. It's practically written into my DNA.
Templar said:
Hey, Templar! Sarcasm! Read about it!
Read about it? I'm Canadian. It's practically written into my DNA.
pumpkinguts said:
nice cameltoe lips snak eyes
The Great A'Tuin said:
[I] "These are some goddamn comfortable pants!" [I/]
I will make that my new catchphrase!
Hurrah!
Jenna said:
"Middle-America" isn't the literal expression everyone takes it for anymore.
The movie is a travesty.
