By Rob Bricken in
Daily Lists, Movies
Friday, Jun. 19 2009 @ 8:06AM
 |
By Kevin J. Guhl
Some of you might be clinging onto the notion
that Topless Robot has a shred of good taste left. Well, today's list should
put that notion to rest, as we explore the wonderful world of porno parodies.
For just about any popular movie or TV series you can think of, someone else
has already thought of a dirty
version of its name and spent a sweaty L.A. afternoon filming a low budget sex
romp that might have a fleeting similarity to the source being parodied, if you're
lucky. Nevertheless, let us today salute the ability of the porn industry to
create parodies that make us chuckle and snort. Ah, the porn world's thorough
grasp of juvenile humor is second to none. Here are the most
"clever" porn parodies of belovedly nerdy shows and movies in a shocking safe for work list in the sense there are no pictures of nipples, and only a few drawings of nipples, and no videos whatsoever. Unless, of course, your work frowns on you looking as censored porn movie covers while on the clock.
14) Twin Cheeks
Tagline: The residents of Twin Cheeks would like to invite you to spend the weekend... but they're in jail.
Perhaps they're all in jail for killing Laura
Palmer? Or having sex with? It's both, isn't it? Sigh.
13) Sexbusters
Tagline: I ain't afraid of no ho!
Sadly, this spoof doesn't involve any sexual
shenanigans with sexy spirits, but it does feature a team of fine ladies who
are the ones you wanna call when a sex-starved wife needs her flaccid husband
turned back to the "on" position.
12) Quantum Deep
Tagline: Take an erotic trip through time.
Screw putting right what once went wrong -- we
wanna see people in every possible historic and future time period having hot
sex. How this wasn't an on-going series is beyond us.
11) Sex World
Tagline: Is definitely for adults! (duh?)
This porn parody classic is of Westworld, in case you kids don't get the reference. Admittedly, the fantasy resort of the porn lacks an animatronic Yul
Brynner cowboy that goes haywire and tries to kill the guests; in his place,
there is a computer that fucks people. Admittedly, it does sound like a better way to spend a vacation.
10) Buffy the Vampire Layer
Tagline: Kristi Myst Goes Down for the Count
Judging by the title, this is pretty much the
same as the Buffy TV series, only with more titties! Instead of Angel, though,
Buffy bonks Count Hymie "The Impaler" Draculwitz. Guess who gets
"staked" first.
9) Whore of the Rings
Tagline: An all anal epic!
You have to give them credit for not opting for
"Lord of the Cockring." But somehow, a crystal skull got in there.
Where? You don't wanna know.
8) This Ain't Star Trek XXX
Tagline: They boldly go there.
There's plenty of Star Trek porn (and no, we're not including T'Pol's steamy scenes on Enterprise or Picard's butt in TNG), but Hustler's parody had a big enough budget to create convincing costumes and sets. And it all does a good job of presenting what we all suspected went on between scenes in classic Trek. What else would you expect of a bunch of people cooped up in a starship where hot female ensigns parade around in mini-skirts? Not the most clever title, though.From Twin
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78 comments
Comments
DJ Maniak said:
What? No Flintbones or Super Hornio Brothers?
Counterattack said:
I'm kinda wondering if TR guy's ever actually seen any of these. I'd always thought Edward Penis hands was just a myth that people'd joked about. I never imagined it might be real.
Stonecrow said:
My favorite Indiana Jones porn spoof was one called, erm, Carolina Jones? It had a female lead.
Also, in that San Fernando Jones picture, I'm fairly sure you can see her "hidden treasure" under her skirt.
DJ Maniak said:
Re-Penetrator was also sadly missing from this list.
captainvsk said:
wasn't there a mention of Buffy the Vampire Layer in an episode of Friends? because in that universe Phoebe's sister is in it or something?
NeverPlayedWOW said:
I don't know whats more weird, the fact these exist or the fact you watched them all
Ron Jeremy said:
No Sperms of Endearment?
Simon said:
@captainvsk: Almost. It's Buffay the Vampire Layer (her name is Ursula Buffay, but calls herself by her sister's name, Phoebe Buffay)
Topless porno said:
Where can I buy these parodies? :)
davelog said:
Edward Penishands is mandatory viewing for all. You'll never look at a plate of spaghetti the same way again.
whatever@mailinator.com said:
Wierd...
Sappy404 said:
@Stonecrow
Surely there's one called 'In Diana Jones'? If not, any porno producers around that wanna pay me for the use of that title?
Ramses J.C. said:
hahaha, awesome post!
Kevin said:
Topless Porno, you can find most of them here:
Anonymous said:
What about Throbin Hood: Prince of Beaves?
Captain Flunky said:
Fuck it, lets go out of genre;
Oceans 11 inches
Oceans 12 man gangbang
Malcom XL
There Will Be Blood
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skullfuck
Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry Fucks Tyler Perry
Dawg, The Booty Hunter
Deadliest Snatch
Ho Country for Old Men
50 First Daterapes
Captain Flunky said:
More on topic;
V for Vagina
The Crotchmen
The League of Extraordinarily Well-Hung Gentleman
Bootystar Galasstica
Triple X-Men
Belle said:
Robert!
I demand a re-do of this list in about.... 3-4 months!
;)
ThedaVelo said:
I've actually met one of the actors that was in Edward Penishands. He had to join the Army to avoid jail time and was in the same unit as my husband. Evidently Ron Jeremy came to his graduation from basic and all the drill instructors flipped.
Where is he now? Iraq and making a lot of money on the side renting out his private porn stash.
Captain Flunky said:
@ThedaVelo;
I'm trying to figure out if your story has a happy ending or not.
Zach T. said:
Page 2 of this thing is broken for me... It only shows up to the number 5 entry and then has the comment box HUGE with the login info at the top, a lot of empty space, and the comment entry box at the bottom.
Kevin said:
Page 2 worked for me on Firefox, but not IE.
Old Fart @ Play said:
sheeesh, you forgot the 2 versions of the DaVinci Load, one was straight, one gay, Babes in Black, and he other 2 Porn Wars movies. Yeah page 2 of this article is hosed, no pun intended.
ZeroCorpse said:
Jeanna Fine was awesome.
The "This Ain't..." series is only getting started. It won't be long before they make a "This Ain't.... XXX" for every TV show you ever loved and several you hate.
Rotgut said:
He left out "Pinnochio: It's Not His Nose That Grows"
Anonymous said:
Um, I think you can see some beav in the San Fernado Jones poster...
The Penetrator was actually my first experience with porn many, many years ago. The machine menace even has the first person red-tinted vision with different information flying around. When confronted with a possible target for penetration, it listed her name, measurements, and favorite position (doggy if memory serves). Ah, my misspent youth.
Stonecrow said:
Hey Capt. Flunky, what was the paraody for 'There Will Be Blood'?
Golgo13 said:
I'm assuming you don't consider Flesh Gordon to be real porn, since that would absolutely be #1.
Edward Penishands is not only real, there were sequels to it as well.
Without having seen any of the movies above it, I can tell you that This Ain't Star Trek is way too low. It's dead on, and it's got Sasha Grey in Vulcan ears. Case closed.
oblio211 said:
Jewel Raider (rip of Tomb Raider)
chad said:
good list though no doubt hard to actully pick the choices. and as for if the topless robots staff have seen the things on the list that is their business though seeing the list one can probaly figure out the answere
Captain Flunky said:
Stonecrow said:
Hey Capt. Flunky, what was the paraody for 'There Will Be Blood'?
Lets just say it's a period piece.
Portion of Foxes said:
don't forget about these arousing titles
Lord of the G-Strings
Spider-Babe
Kinky Kong
Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade
but what about pornos entitled
Communist Manyfisto
Man-fist Destiny
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Asskaban
World of Whorecraft
ThedaVelo said:
Yeah it's a happy ending. In more ways then one. I had stop myself from laughing every time they were called to attention.
Golgo13 said:
I was quite partial to Bedman and Throbbin' myself.
SilverRose said:
wheres world of whorecraft? :P
stakkalee said:
What, no Forrest Hump? No Lara Crotch: Poon Raider? Star Whores? Anal-yze This? This list sucks.
Stonecrow said:
A peri- UGHHH, dammit! Great, can open, worms everywhere...
nightcrawler666 said:
Forgot about Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Bone.
Golgo13 said:
Just saw advertised: DaVinci Load 2: Angels and Semen.
eroc said:
A better Star Wars one would have been Star Whores.
Xcalibar said:
Jewel Raider wasn't that good. She was only in the Lara Croft outfit for one scene. Lord of the G_String wasn't that good eitehr. Definately a no-budget softcore, on TV late night Fridays on CityTV or Showcase (or, in American terns, late night Cinemax or whatever) type of movie. Musty Mundae was cute, though.
ryogasasaki said:
Angela's Asses
Dr. Do-Me-A-Little
Glad-I-Ate-Her
Andrew said:
LMAO! Love the "Penetrator" as parody of Terminator.
Anonymous said:
DAWG THE BOOTY HUNTER IS A REAL MOVIE!
i bought a poster for it for 50 cents. its tag line is hes cumming for your ass
Davey said:
Big Trouble in Little Vagina
Schindler's Fist
Coo Coo for Cocoa Cocks
mike said:
you forgot rambone the destroyer......real flick.
El Kabong said:
How could you skip Doctor Who and Abducted By Daleks? Okay, the film has been completely sued out of existence by the BBC - but it was still on sale for a short while!
NeoXorn said:
the Cover for The Penetrator is EPIC.
The Shadow said:
How could you assemble this list without mentioning ANY of the "Sex Trek" trilogy:
Sex Trek
Sex Trek: The Next Penetration
Sex Trek: Deep Space 69
Of course, one that COULDN'T make the list (because Warner Brothers actually stepped in and forced the producers to change the title) was "Hairy Poontang and the Sorceror's Bone" Guess what THAT'S a parody of.
Old Fart @ Play said:
@eroc
Actually that was a real title, I think it was a Hustler video
dennis said:
what about the classic Miami Spice.
And I bet Porn Wars was better than the crap real version.
Mr. Polite. said:
There was another Indiana Jones movie called "In Diana Jones and the temple of poon." and don't forget about "Womb Raider"
David said:
Don't forgert the Mario Brothers: "The Horny-o Brothers".
And the classic - non-scifi: Shaving Ryans Privates"
Reynoldo said:
Hairy Pooter and the Chamber of Secretions?
wheelnut53 said:
what no the Pimp son's,
Nate said:
Edward Penishands is definitely real, and is an amazing movie.
bareknucklejones said:
ok...some of these are good but my fav that i saw in college many moons ago was "mad jack beyond thunderbone" and the classic ..."anal intruder 9"
HavocTMA said:
Nice list but you forgot "A Clockwork Orgy"
http://rarbg.com/torrents/filmi/download/a2b09d50b4cae1a093c1c40e9599247fa5f90eaa/torrent.html
PornFan said:
And don't forget the classic "Muffy the Vampire Payer". Yes, it exists.
Jinksy said:
Have we already forgotten the classics like On Golden Blonde and Hannah Does Her Sisters?
Tony said:
Very good. There have been lots of spoofs over the years.
jacki said:
Schindler's Fist
Michael Podgoetsky said:
Never fear SHAFT is here.
Shaft.
Algonquin J. Calhoun said:
Back in the late 90's I had a good friend who graduated from West Point and as a Captain in the Army had served all over the world. He was wounded in Somalia and given a disbility discharge.
I mention this only for that fact that, due to his injury and I think sheer boredom, his true claim to fame was his ability to think up a porn name for any movie or TV show within 5 seconds.
I once read to him a list of the IMDB's 100 greatest movie list and he did the entire list in under 3 minutes. What a skill!
shoroko said:
I have to say, I'm amused that I got linked here when I clicked on 'The 8 PG-Rated Movies That Should Not Have Been Rated PG.'
kamilopoland said:
Hello to all ! Greetings From Poland ! Very nice website.
Darin said:
I thought of the best nerdy porno title ever the other day: The Large Hardon Collider
Chuck said:
What about 'Backside to the Future'? http://www.entermyworld.com/cat/store/bside1a1x1.jpg
Grins said:
Anyone remember Left 4 Head, the left for dead spoof? Zoe gets separated from the group and consequentially humped by all the zombies, even the tank (which is pretty lulzy)
Des said:
I knew of "Porn Wars", I could never get how they didn't call it "Star Whores" though, would have been cooler. Anyone seem Liquid Gold's "Lord of the Rings" where you clearly see an orc holding an arrow to his neck? Priceless.
Most of these were kind of mediocre but I laughed aloud when I read "Rearendence Day". Who comes up with this stuff?
Des said:
By the way, anyone else notice this is not entirely safe for work. There's a teeny, teeny, tiny peek of vag from the San Fernando cover.
line1 said:
I have a friend who is directing porn for a living. She's doing a movie called Harry Potter and Deathly Swallows. :)
robert ball said:
Some Disney Porn Parodies I'd like to See:
Jumbo
The Diddle Princess
Shagging Beauty
Pollyanal
Nitty Gritty Gang Bang (Heard this title years ago)
Alice in Wankerland
And, last but not least'
The Back Hole
Hooper said:
This entire list has gone on this long without Beaver and Butt-Face?
Yes. There really was a Beavis & Butt-Head-themed porno. And yes, the main actors stayed "in-character" the entire time. And they wore prosthetic makeup that made them look like burn victims.
http://poetv.com/video.php?vid=51108 Behold the horror.
banmanta said:
how about the curious cease of benjamin butt-sex
Matthew Grayson said:
You missed "Harry Squatter and the Sorcerer's Bone". An actual porn where Harry has to master such things as creating naked men out of thin air if he wants to meet the Head Master.
It was very disappointing. Except for character names like Harry Squatter and Ron who are wizards in training, it features a cast of mainly nearing to actual middle-aged men ... not to mention really bad special effects, lol.
There's also "The Hole" where after watching a video tape, straight men end up having sex with one another.
There's also "Supergirl" where the logo is surprisingly close to the actual one. I'm surprised that considering the name hasn't been changed, and the logo is similar that DC didn't sue ... then again, WB prolly dips into the triple x field as well.
All in all though, a great list; pretty funny! Also, prolly much better, at least for laughs, then the direct for home video DVD's, live action or otherwise capitalizing on popular movies that come out in stores, and of course, Blockbuster shelves! :P
Matthew Grayson said:
Almost forgot, one that I couldn't stop laughing at because it was sooo funny because it was sooo bad was Bat-Dude and Throbbin', the Boy Wonder.
They had to stop such dastardly foes as the Tickler instead of the Riddler.
The Batcave was a cheap set with black garbage bags put up all over the walls, with some fake bats here and there. Bat-Dude didn't want to be sued, so his cowl didn't have the bat-ears, and, of course, he wore the cape ... but not much else.
It was funny, but then it got to a point where it was just really, really bad, and so I had to turn it off, but overall I'd recommend it for some great moments as:
Throbbin' is getting *Censored* and he remarks, "You make Bat-Dude look like Batgirl!"
FireThunder said:
The only pornody flick I've really liked is Not Married with Children XXX. Probably because the cast do a good job channeling the vibe of the show.
