Thursday, Jul. 23 2009 @ 8:00AM
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You might have heard there's a live-action G.I. Joe movie coming out soon (Aug. 7) and that means that Hasbro has already begun a blitz of new toys. Movie toylines like this can be just as much a blockbuster as the actual films, blessed with big budgets and exploding onto the scene in a larger way than anything based on a TV show alone. The usual conservative G.I. Joe offerings of 3 3/4-inch and 12-inch action figures have been replaced by not just oodles of action figures in those scales, but by toys of all shapes and sizes to help market and profit from the "Rise of Cobra" movie. Like almost any big summer movie toyline, though, good toys are available in about equal number to poorly-conceived and designed products pumped out to meet a demand for volume rather than quality. As you prepare to go experience the wonder or disaster (or both) that will be live-action G.I. Joe, have a look at some of the best movie toys released thus far, and some of the abysmally worst.
THE BEST:
7) 12-Inch Baroness
Sure, a lot of fans haven't reacted well to Sienna Miller's American-accented turn as the Baroness, although pretty much everyone agrees she looks pretty darn good. So we have to give credit to Hasbro for this amazing sculpt in their otherwise utterly awful line of 12" "Rise of Cobra" figures. It's a shame she's stuck as an SDCC exclusive, because we imagine most Joe fans will want to get their hands on this figure. This toy looks so realistic that it wouldn't surprise you much if she leapt off your display shelf, seduced you, and then shot you in the leg for being a lech. Or maybe that's just our fantasy.
6) Ice Viper
6) Ice Viper
Coursing through the snow, icing G.I. Joe, it's Cobra, Cobraaa!!! Most of the Cobra troopers from the film don't look as neat as the original designs, but the Ice Viper is something special. Each one is decked out for cold weather in grey camo and a white parka packed with supplies, and wears a sweet visor. These figures are totally cool, and you can army-build them to your heart's delight -- if you can find them.
5) Destro
Destro traded in his open-shirt pimp outfit for a smart business shirt and tie and a sharp military uniform. This is not a bad thing. And you know that under his silver battle mask, a family heirloom, is the face of Doctor Who! This is one of the greatest Destro figures Hasbro has ever made. Compared to the excellent 25th Anniversary/Modern Era G.I. Joe toyline that immediately preceded the movie toys, that's saying a lot.
4) Night Raven
One of the coolest airplanes from the superb selection of vehicles in the original G.I. Joe toyline was the Night Raven, Cobra's spy plane that was obviously inspired by the SR-71 Blackbird. For the movie toyline, Hasbro decided to remake the Night Raven, and it is still the most awesome plane on the Cobra Island airfield. It comes with the same badass Air-Viper the original came with (only updated to modern G.I. Joe action figure standards). And if you would like help in swooshing your Night Raven around, it includes a swing-down handle. Also, the cockpit drops down and the Night Raven can fire several missiles -- It ain't all about stealth!
3) Snake Eyes (Paris Pursuit)
This may not be the #1 greatest Snake Eyes figure ever made, but it's the first to wear an awesome trechcoat, and for that reason is absolutely necessary to own if you collect G.I. Joe. He even comes with his pet wolf Timber (who can be found with either gray or black fur), not to mention his trademark katana and other weapons. Snake Eyes stole the show in the comic books but was underused in the old cartoon. Let's hope the movie captures the greatness of his counterpart from print.
2) Scarlett (Desert Ambush)
2) Scarlett (Desert Ambush)
The makers of Rise of Cobra sure didn't disappoint when they chose Rachel Nichols to play G.I. Joe's sexy marksman Shana "Scarlett" O'Hara. The skintight, all-black uniforms worn by the Joe team in the film haven't gone over well with fans, although few fanboys are complaining about how Scarlett wears the uniform. The toy captures her look as best as could be expected and is possibly the best Scarlett figure ever.
1) The PIT Mobile Headquarters Playset
During the course of the long-running G.I. Joe comic, arguably the superior source of Joe fiction, America's highly-trained, special mission force was most often headquartered in a massive underground base called the PIT. There's never been a toy of it, so long-time Joe fans can finally fill that massive hole in their collection with this giant toy from the movie toyline. It's been awhile since such a HUGE playset, a staple of 1980s action figures lines (especially the original G.I. Joe, which offered the gigantic USS Flagg air craft carrier), has been given shelfspace in toy stores. It may be $100, but it's worth it. It offers everything a G.I. Joe HQ playset should -- plenty of room to plan ways to next embarrass Cobra, a moving elevator, secret trap door, lots of guns and a missile launcher, battle sounds, and a wall that Cobra can knock down when they stage an attack! Not only that, the base converts into an APC the size of Kentucky and includes team leader General Hawk!
During the course of the long-running G.I. Joe comic, arguably the superior source of Joe fiction, America's highly-trained, special mission force was most often headquartered in a massive underground base called the PIT. There's never been a toy of it, so long-time Joe fans can finally fill that massive hole in their collection with this giant toy from the movie toyline. It's been awhile since such a HUGE playset, a staple of 1980s action figures lines (especially the original G.I. Joe, which offered the gigantic USS Flagg air craft carrier), has been given shelfspace in toy stores. It may be $100, but it's worth it. It offers everything a G.I. Joe HQ playset should -- plenty of room to plan ways to next embarrass Cobra, a moving elevator, secret trap door, lots of guns and a missile launcher, battle sounds, and a wall that Cobra can knock down when they stage an attack! Not only that, the base converts into an APC the size of Kentucky and includes team leader General Hawk!
Knowing the good stuff is half the battle. Check out the bad stuff on the next page.
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41 comments
Comments
Anonymous said:
Everytime I see Cobra Commander I die a little.
Phoenix said:
the picture of the open PIT Mobile HQ....in the bottom right corner...is that...a PING PONG TABLE?
Anonymous said:
The Accelerator Suit Murphy made me laugh until I cried. Cover Girl looks exactly like a drag queen named Jessica Jewel.
phredd said:
Beer pong table on the PIT FTL
RichTown said:
You bet your ass it is!! Joe's need some R&R just like everyone else
Andrew said:
I'm impressed you not only came up with 1, but 7 nice things to say about something related to the new G.I. Joe movie.
demoncat said:
the cover girl figure does not look bad just like a jessic simpon version as for cobra commander it belonged at number one on the worse list and that snake eyes figure just arrived in my area. and surpised the zartan figure or storm shadow did not get a mention. and the night raven should have been higher on the good list
Monte said:
Though I've been critical of the 25th Anniversary series, I am actually pretty impressed with many of the movie figures.
That said, Cover Girl has some serious Tootsie Roll hair.
Dantheman said:
I gotta say it: The PIT Mobile HQ, when all folded up, looks like a huge RV.
Eozen said:
The movie reissue RHINO isn't too bad either, and actually kind of fits in with the onscreen Joe-verse.
StormSigma said:
What is WITH the goddamn ads on this page?
AndyHel said:
I would have liked to have seen the Paris pursuit Storm Shadow figure on the best list. It's really well done overall, the unmasked head is pretty cool, and it doesn't have the weird skirt thing that the regular SS does. It's the only movie Joe figure I picked up and hopefully it will stay that way. You're making me want that Paris Pursuit Snake Eyes though...at least it doesn't have a sculpted mouth.
Grenadier said:
Come on, man. When you use TODDLER TOYS to pad your list, you're reaching hard. Why not bust on Snake Eyes' mouth, the poor head on Baroness, or Ripcord Wayans in his Accelerator Suit?
MORS said:
that Destro is one of the best Joe figs i own and its the only movie fig i picked up.
Anonymous said:
They have not even released most of the toys yet. The new 12" figures shown at SDCC look pretty good. Your choices were obvious, and your information was biased and lacking. You failed to mention that the Night Raven is 1/2 the original size.
TED-209 said:
They haven't even released all of the toys yet. There's a shit-ton coming in 2010. You prematurely ejaculated this list.
Steve Harrison said:
Hasbro has had an odd hate-on for the 11 3/4 inch (or 12 inch if your prefer) Joe since the inception of the failed Sigma Six line. I think it all stems from just not understanding that the classic 'razor/razorblades' selling pattern DOES still work, where you sell a figure then make big bank on uniforms, equipment, vehicles from cheap to OMGWTF expensive. Note this worked for the 3 3/4 inch Joes as well, with all those swanky vehicles at all those different pricepoints.
I mean, look, it's still working for Barbie, isn't it?
"but that's GIRLS, they LIKE playing dressup!" sexist pig! Roman Dog! Play patterns are universal! Switching uniforms, choosing what gun to carry, going out to save that white tiger or find the missing idol, that's a play pattern boys groove on.
But Hasbro has forgotten it all, and as such we get....this stuff.
feh.
korg20000bc said:
Cover Girl has had a duel to "The Pain" with the Dread Pirate Roberts alright!
She's a super mega fugly with a busted arsehole twist.
grumpyhawk said:
I resent the implication that there is anything "best," or even good, related to this movie.
doc_ock_4mugen said:
I don't know what worries me more about cover girl, the big Doctor Manhattan inspired missile launcher or the laptop... (Gi Joe fan fiction using said Giant dildo launcher... Can't wait to read some of that...)
BTW what's the silver and black thing that Scarlett has... A stun rod?
Holy crap! I never noticed how much Duke sucks!!
unlucky13 said:
TR, spot on about accelerator suit Duke. What is up with his legs? I don't think it is humanly possible to wear pants that seperate your legs from your hips at least two inches. I mean, "OWWWWW." It's painful just to look. Great comments about 12 inch Duke and a telling sign about the movie. It is less YO JOE! and more, "oh oh ooohhh OH oh the joe stuff."
Taiya001 said:
this is why I will save my money for transformers
Scott said:
The pit is a turd with wheels. For $100 bucks you think we would at least get a plastic ping pong table instead of cardboard. The ice Viper and Pit commando are the only 2 figures (not counting exclusives) I'll be picking up. The rest can rot on the shelves.
Jason Lee said:
I have picked up almost all the toys and yes your list is pretty spot on. Saying that, the 6 inch figures are pretty cool. I got the SE and SS ones. The first toy I opened was the SS toy. The sword waving is nice. And the figure is well sculpted. I really enjoy this figure. The fact that it would fit in with Marvel Legends figures totally rocks. Maybe not a lot of poseability but still fun to have around.
Snoodle said:
The 12-inch Cobra Commander makes me sad. I'm not going to even try to figure out what's going on with Cover Girl.
That said, how easy would it be to set up (the awful version of) Scarlett and say it was a Walter Kovacs figure? Just look at that thing. Look at the face and tell me you don't see it.
LBD "Nytetrayn" said:
I am glad to learn of Desert Ambush Scarlet, because the other version made me sad.
Also, "12-inch Baroness" just sounds so wrong, and yet...
Then again, "12-inch Duke" and "12-inch Cobra Commander" don't sound any better.
Andrew said:
The thing about those missile launchers is that, really, they look like almost enough to make a whole other figure. I'd rather have a two-pack than something like those missile launchers.
GQ said:
I understand that this is probably a stupid question but why didn't they just go with the shiny-metal faceplate Cobra Commander design? That's the one I know best (as my main GI Joe exposure comes from the animated movie).
Is that not a popular looks with fans either?
Kevin said:
GQ, my guess is that it's because the shiny mask would totally obscure the actor's face. Notice how much movie superheroes take off their masks these days?
Church said:
Both the 'best' and 'worst' Scarletts look like bored prostitutes at an arms show.
12" Duke looks like the Edge.
Blech.
Bravo said:
The Accelerator Suit Duke seems like a wasted investment on Hasbro's part. It seems to be a stand alone toy with nothing in scale to interact with.
Cover Girl isn't that bad, just the head's likeness is off.
There's a 12" Viper or Neo Viper that's just a recycled Coil Crusher from a few years back, complete with bendy arms. That's pretty weak.
DensityDuck said:
God, I hate that Scarlet design. I hate it so much. Guys, it's possible to make a fetishy leather chick WITHOUT also presenting us with a spec-ops badass broad who inexplicably wears a GIANT GODDAMN SHOT TRAP right in the center of her chest. I mean, come on, now.
michael senger said:
The best toy from this movie is the 12" Snake-eyes that makes scooby doo sound effects and plays disco music
Jinkeez said:
Why does the Ice Viper come with a ski torpedo thing? I recognized that thingy right away; a pair of them came with this vehicle (http://www.yojoe.com/vehicles/87/wolf/) minus the weird blue part.
usmc03 said:
I have purchased all the 3/4 figures that have come out so far. I like the 3/4 figures and I plan on buying more. I like what I have seen from the movie so far...Can't wait to see it!
Joe Harris said:
The playset is pretty neat for what it is. It's not worth the price, but it's worth getting on sale or clearanced.
A bunch of people talked me into adding the Pit Playset replacement parts to my website for those who need it. It's hand made so production time varies. Check it out if you want:
joehound said:
I have been collecting joes of all sizes and have a love/hate with them all. It is too early to make this list. With those on these lists here is my input. the 12 inch Cobra Commander is well crappy while its been a long time comming for a Baroness. The Sienna Miller baroness is great but Joe collectors would have rather had the original baroness in 12 inch. The Scarlett and Cover Girl figures were much better back in the 80's. And whats with the blue thingy with Ice Viper. They should have made the movie figures to look like the 80's figures. The new 25th figures are just too skinny.
Joe said:
That Scarlett (worst list) is great. Paint her hair black and scrungee red and you got a custom ROC Jinx.
Norman said:
The "Night Raven" isn't "inspired by the SR-71": it's a direct ripoff of the Firefox as flown by Clint Eastwood from the film of the same name.
Randy said:
This was great! I pretty much ignore any of the GI Joe stuff that is bigger or smaller than 1:18 scale, so I had not thought about a lot of those things. My top best and worst:
Top 7 Most Underrated
1) Outback (7 pack version)
2) Walmart Copperhead
3) Dragon Hawk
4) Shipwreck (Comic 2 pack)
5) ROC Flash
6) ROC Paraviper
7) TRU firefly
Top 7 Worst
1) ROC Scarlett (I agree!!!!)
2) ROC Breaker
3) The entire TRU desert 5 pack. Ugh)
4) Resolute Destro
5) The entire Hall of Heroes Line
6) Spirit (He's just such an insulting stereotype)
7) Any of the Neo Vipers
Much love!
alfonso said:
el ice viper es creo el que deberia ser el mejor junto con el night raven. siempre me ah parecido bien la diversidad de clases que tienen el ejercito cobra.
