By Rob Bricken in
Merchandise
Wednesday, Sep. 16 2009 @ 2:03PM
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See all these happy Japanese guys? They're happy because they're holding sex toys. Yes, Tenga are male masturbatory aids, and I'm actually more horrified by the advertisement of smiling Japanese dudes holding them than I am of the toys.
Not that the toys aren't weird. Supposedly, these aren't just the Japanese version of Fleshlights -- Tengashop claims "It is not designed as an artificial vagina...it's far better than that. Rather than make a toy that replicates a woman, tenga went a step further and created [it] to be the best male masturbation aid on the market." First of all, I don't own a masturbatory device, nor do I have any plans to buy one, but if I did, I think I'd want it to be as vagina-like as possible. Right? Or if it weren't, at least I wouldn't brag about it.
Second, what are the goddamn egg ones work? And the fuck is an Egg Spider? Never mind. I don't want to know; besides, I WILL NEVER PUT MY PENIS IN ANYTHING THAT IS CALLED AN EGG SPIDER. If you guys are interested in learning more -- and seeing why these guys have such large smiles on their faces -- head over to Tengashop.com for the full line of goods. (Via Japanator)
74 comments
Comments
Dragonzigg said:
I had already decided this was a drinks advertisement, and then I read the article. And didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Abraxas said:
you know the best FFF stuff is always based on real life what-the-fuckery.
Ami said:
:c
I think I wanna stab my eyes out nao, kthnx.
Abraxas said:
by the way, I think it's only 6 out of 7 guys who enjoy tenga; that bottom/left guy doesn't look all that happy. defective product anyone?
Ami said:
I am crying inside.
Lincolnparadox said:
What's better than a vagina? I mean, really?
Taffy said:
Well, If you don't like the idea of an "egg spider" you'll probably won't like the idea of a "prostate bullet" either.
Lucy said:
The people who run the customer service lines... You know, in case these things malfunction, which some are bound to.... Must check their souls, any love for life, etc, at the door.
Amelia said:
Am I the only one who wants to laugh at how small those eggs are?
CChaos said:
@Amelia
I kind of laughed about that too, admittedly.
Oh, Japan, you so crazy.
Superoceanlad said:
More disturbing to me is the leaping ecstatic lad who is caught in a hail of Pocket Not Pussies.
It was all the reports of, "Hail the size of non vaginalike pocket male masturbatory aids," that keep me out of the mid-west.
tasakeru828 said:
Shouldn't this be a "Super HORRIFIC Japanese Thing"?
Abraxas said:
I couldn't leave well enough alone, I just had to google it...
Enigma_2099 said:
From the land that brought you "full size anime girl pillows..."
and now... *facepalm*
Ophenix said:
Eeeww... And the eggs are just for the top of the penis, you kinda spin it arou... nevermind >.
J said:
I just want to point out -- in tagalog "Tenga" means "ear."
Erm said:
Whatever happened to just using your hand? It costs nothing and it's all the same in the end.
Bookfisher said:
Every fibre, every cell in my body are strained in the effort not to ask : How ?
The Great A'Tuin is just itching to be banned from Yiffstar, as he never got the whole fascination. said:
WHOSE? RESPONSIBLE? THIS? I WANT TO KNOW WHOSE IDEA WAS... Oh, nevermind, there was a link.
anonymoose said:
Seeing as how all the Pokemon are in hiding now, I suppose it makes sense that they had to come up with something else for lonely Japanese twinks to hump on.
Da Bearon said:
I've seen ads for these things before. They're supposed to be textured inside and stretch to fit: http://view.break.com/912383#TellAFriendhttp://stats.break.com/invoke.txt
Bill said:
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS!!!
oh, the japanese...
u_nick said:
Eh, my hand isnt exactly like a vagina, and it gets the job done. If this thing gives a better sensation than a hand, why not? I'm a sad and alone piece of shit; I wouldnt be opposed to trying one of these. *shrug*
doc_ock_4mugen said:
Those eggs are creepy. But I got to give it to the Japanese. They always know how to make disturbing things out of normal looking objects.
I'm still waiting for them to invent a tentacle female masturbatory aid.
Batzarro said:
And...in before Jeb the Spider jokes. What, there wern't gonna be any?
ZADL said:
@Lincolnparadox
What's better than a vagina? I mean, really?
Two vaginas?
Volcanic said:
The ones in the middle almost look like water bottles! And why do all the min in the add look like women! I'm so confused!
Skemono said:
Two vaginas?
Only for marsupials.
I'm actually more horrified by the advertisement of smiling Japanese dudes holding them than I am of the toys.
Um... how exactly do you think they ought to sell them, then? With pictures of scowling males, angry that the product they're selling doesn't work? Men holding them by their fingertips at arms' length, trying to distance themselves as much as possible from the product they're trying to sell? Men sobbing in horror because masturbation aids freak them out for no clear reason? I should think that showing that these men are happy because they now can super-masturbate would be much more effective.
aronaut replied to Skemono:
You're 'bout to buy one aren't you?
cocacolaoso said:
What is wrong with using the hands, Japan?
Check out the sex toy/beer crossover (NSFW!)
http://www.tengashop.com/tenga_be/hiney-can-p-137.html
Like a tin can! It's swing both sides! But no real beer? booo! You almost had me!
From Their Website said:
"EGG SPIDER - The net-like design gives birth to a distinctive sensation."
manobon said:
...Really?
Have you seen the selection of sex toys for women ever? This is the closest-to-normal advertising/packaging I've seen for any sex toy. Good for them!
Lo Pan said:
I'm not putting ANYTHING on my dick with the work "clicker" in it.
"Egg Wavy" on the other hand, I'm there! And I just did.
Lo Pan said:
Bah. "work" = "word".
munky said:
Call me old fashioned but I'll take the Utensil Race Proof Maria Ozawa for €69.90.
Colour: Flesh
Opening style: Vagina
Canal diameter: 0.25 inches
Internal length: 7.5 inches
DarrenG said:
All of these ad models look like they would spend more of their days trying to Tweet girls and redecorate their lockers with Hello Kitty and daisies than actually trying to score with one.
Given that these "guys" probably won't go for THAT kind of fun, these boner bottles and dick clickers are probably right up their alley.
"Wow, an egg spider! How SUPER!" (flashing the two finger Victory symbol)
Flytrap said:
Now waitaminute, no one (sane) gives women grief about their vibrators; maybe it's about time men got a hand (get it?) with their sexual frustrations. Pretty soon, men and women won't even NEED each other and the world will be a sane and happy place.
Flytrap said:
OK, I just went to that site, and I gotta say, this thing scares me:
http://www.tengashop.com/tenga_be/-c-49.html
Hiney Can? Keep that thing away from me!
j.cat said:
I'm not going to lie, I want to try it out one time....maybe twice. To make sure I didn't like it.
tvtastegood said:
I thought it was gonna be a soda for girls. I was judging the advertisment by its cover.
WFROSE said:
What's better than a vagina?
Anus?
What? I'm surprised it took us this long to give the obvious response!
Greg said:
Hear Hear Flytrap, let us men liberate ourselves and put to use our right to seek sexual objects BETTER THAN VAGINAS!
Seriously, how can a person even look away from at least TRYING something that makes...wait...is that a beer can?
Jabrwock said:
... if I did, I think I'd want it to be as vagina-like as possible. Right?Not all vibrators are penis shaped...
Matt said:
I've had some of these. They're intended for one time use, but you can re-use them inside of a few days. The only one that felt good was "hard deepthroat" which feels nothing like deepthroat, but a good feeling nonetheless. A bit small though.
jeffers said:
You know what, for every awesome thing Japan comes up with (the lifesize Gundam, dragonball Z), they seem to come up with something equally disturbing (this, that horrific milk advert from a few weeks back).
All that's left to say is - WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS! :)
random said:
If you're curious about how the eggs work, here's a video (don't worry, totally SFW): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghEfxTKmZKU
As for "wouldn't you want it to be as vagina-like as possible", think about it for a second. Dildos are penislike, but women prefer vibrators. And there are vibrators with a clitoral stimulator. And vibrators with rotating ball bearings under the latex. None of that is entirely penis-like. Instead, it's based on what feels good. And while sure, vaginas feel great, what's to say that they are designed to produce the best possible feeling? I mean, sure, if they were saying "It's not like a vagina, it's like a watch", then I would think "WTF", but what they're clearly going for is "it's got ribs and bumps inside, unlike a vagina...and it doesn't look like a vagina, so you don't get that I'm-humping-an-orifice-that-was-cut-from-a-dead-hooker feeling".
doc_ock_4mugen said:
Race Proof? Which race? Race as in people's skin color or race as in racing?
random said:
All of these ad models look like they would spend more of their days trying to Tweet girls and redecorate their lockers with Hello Kitty and daisies than actually trying to score with one.
Nah, they look like ladies men (which makes the gap between model and actual consumer all the more amusing). Japanese women go for the "N'Sync" "Backstreet Boys" pretty-boy look more than the "Marcus Phoenix" grizzled muscleman look.
ThatCostumeGirl said:
Check out the Double Hole Cup."Normal use is one side at a time. But, using both sides simultaneously transports you to the virtual world of a 'threesome'."
I think it's great that men have more toy options.
random said:
You know what? YouTube is fucking amazing. Who would have known they'd have so many videos about masturbation goods.
Here's one that shows how it's used (kinda NSFW, if your bosses don't like depictions of jerking off a clear acrylic cylinder).
Imperiomoe said:
Tenga Toys are more popular that you think!!
Is going to be the next Halloween costume you can wear!
http://www.dannychoo.com/post/en/20808/Tenga+Cosplay.html
demoncat said:
those things just prove that when it comes to sex and offering sex toys japan has a different idea should be intertesting when some store has to call for a price check on those things for the guy to explain why he is buying them in the first place. eggs made for the penis what is japan thinking
Ophenix said:
@ Imperiome:
I'd do that Spider Egg :3
Baltimoron said:
I want one shaped like a Pokeyman.
Church said:
It feels like the bleeding anus of a Korean comfort woman! Just like your grand-dad used to use!
What? Too soon?
Anonymous said:
Those are dudes...!?
I don't mean to be rude, but I honestly thought those were girls holding soda cans until I read the article and found that they were actually men holding sex toys.
I have never been so wrong.
Monkey said:
Tenga Hole Lotion.
RGlove said:
I love how they say you'll be "charmed by the cute design" of the eggs...perhaps before they hatch and posses you :P
Peter Payne said:
We also carry these at J-List. At significantly better prices I might ad.
http://jlist.com/s/tenga
Sen said:
I had the feeling the Japanese would go one step beyond vaginas.
It's still a disturbing thought.
The guys smiling and holding their little helpers isn't exactly heartening to me either. You can masturbate now...woo.
ohmski said:
WTh! this product induces sex to the youth! and how old are they? TEENS? how do their parents raise them? i know this is a matter of curiosity but are there better things to divert the attention?
Doctor Death said:
The Best thing about this is that on their site they have the Tenga ULTRA SIZE for the U.S.
Damn Straight.
NeoXorn said:
This is kinda old news. There are anime themed Tenga if you guys are interested.
More Japanese Sex Toys Wierdness, Topless Robot!!! Thanks!
Getsu said:
Oh God... I seriously thought it was for some weird facial product or deodorant. This is more disturbing than the Hello Kitty Vibrator... http://www.kittyhell.com/2007/11/04/hello-kitty-vibrator-reborn/ The female market would surely want tentacles now.
Anonymous said:
Looking at the site...
"hiney can"
Oh dear god.
RobertDeNitro said:
I'd try one, but I'll wait until the European version comes out. My d*ck wouldn't fit in those tiny things... :)
Mike said:
Dude on the bottom far left seems to be suffering from the Innsmouth look.
Anybot said:
Dude, you're kinda late...the Tenga's been in existence for quite a while, even in the US. My local sex toy shop said around January that they were flying off the shelves. Erm, not literally...
RobP said:
Seriously. The way the Japanese market/design their sex toys might be a little bizarre, but the fact that they have "masturbatory aides" for men is not. We have our own version here. Has no one here, besides me, ever heard of a Fleshlight? I find this much too hard to fathom.
Check it out, kiddos (definitely NSFW): http://www.fleshlight.com/
And always remember one thing. Spiky-haired, feminine Japanese boys are people, too.
James said:
Tryied it and Love it!!
Not better than a vagina for sure...what is...but definitely a MUST ...and especially if you let your love ones use it on YOU!
;)
Tenga said:
It's great and the choice is hudge. You should try the new tenga flip hole which is better than fleshlight and non disposable (i saw it on http://enjoytenga.myshopify.com/).
;)
scruffyboy said:
Good grief you guys GET OVER YOURSELVES ALREADY!
People have been using masturbation aids for CENTURIES!
Just because we here in the good 'ole US of A are descendants of some WAY repressed religious sect(s) doesn't mean the rest of the world shares the same attitudes we do about sex and sexuality. CDC says the US has THE highest teen pregnancy rate of ANY industrialized nation! The reason? Real shitty sex education! Masturbation has been PROVEN to be beneficial. Probably wouldn't hurt to actually teach a fact-based (as opposed to in-accurate and FEAR based) sex education program to our young people AND include a bit about MASTURBATION! Now so what if someone comes out with a product that, they claim enhances the experience. Oh and yeah... Anyone here actually tried one? Thought not.
Parting shot... This is a really good website www.sfsi.org
It's the website for San Francisco Sex Information... No hype just HONEST,ACCURATE information about anything related to human sexuality. Proud to say I volunteered with them for over 10 years.
Tenga Fliphole said:
Yeah, Tenga Japan uses guys to promote Tenga and ladies as well. Check out Japan AV Idol with a pair of 38F knockers as she's put a Tenga Eggs in between her boobs
Tengaboys said:
I am a reseller of the tengatoys...and as what the write up has said...it really feels better than the real thing. I have had used the fleshlight b4 but it is like wearing a pair of dish washing gloves where u get stretched and pulled.
Try the fliphole and you will throw all the other male masturbators out of the wardrobe.
I standby Tenga and agree that they have come up with the best masturbation device for men for now!
