• A long time ago, In a weekend far away, Haiku Contest starts.

• Sorry, Q, but Kench TOTALLY just won. My heart, and probably a t-shirt. Should've kept reading. :S

• @Quixoto You sir, are awesome. You are totally for win Congrats in advance. That is not a moon, that is a space ship, Han Solo. Should you be flying?

• good, noble tauntaun innards like congealed ramen takes one for the team

• solo fucks the tree chewie smokes its roots and twigs oh oh green semen!

• One more: After the Clone Wars I think I can safely say; Fanfilms are better

• The new fans might ask; Is it wrong to like Jar-jar? Yes, unless you're ten.

• Right with you, Red Three... Porkins should have ejected, That stupid fat fuck

• I am your father! You perv. You kissed your sister? Give that man a hand!

• fighting with chewie a game of circle jerking let the wookie win

• Movies Are Canon Expanded Universe Hurts Fan Fiction In Print

• forgot to add my name to my entries. ah well

• Degobah System Where I'm setting a course to Learn from the Jedi

• OK... on mere technicality, and the fact that it's a holiday, will you accept a late response... considering it was never said when the cutoff time was? Please? Well... here's what I got anyway... Visit Alderaan For a romantic retreat! Oh wait. Never mind. Obi-Wan winces, In pain from millions dying? No, just a migraine. Who is Mara Jade? The extended universe Had begun with her. Solo Dynasty All the kids born into it, Doomed to the dark side. Looking at Leia, I tend to crave Cinnabon. Mall food-court hairstyle. In order to serve The young girls demographic, They gave us Ewoks. God help all of us If they make plus size costumes Of Slave Girl Leia. Spring night, Ninety-Nine. Excitement turned to horror. Wept myself to sleep. Fifty novel covers, Yet Han and Leia don't age Spanning twenty years. "Red two, standing by." With those words, Wedge Antilles Stole my teenage heart. Stuck in carbonite, Leia could only show love By dry-humping Han. Creative kissing Of Mon-Mothma and Ackbar. A strange kind of love. My favorite books? Written by Aaron Allston. Can't he write them all? Damn you, Anderson! It is because of you We got stuck with Kyp. How sad is it when Weird Al's "The Saga Begins" Is ten times better? Rewind, play, rewind... No matter how many times, Still can't find the spud. Padme and Sabe... It seems the Queen's box office Just can't beat Keira's. To cure my hiccups, I just picture in my mind Hot, raw Wookiee sex. While at the Hoth Zoo, I stopped to read the warning: "Don't taunt the taun-tauns." A sibling contest - Who could list the most planets? Little sister won! My junior high crush Was reading Zahn. "I am, too!" He was not impressed. Resourceful mothers. Garage sales; Star Wars toys sold. Years later, grown men weep. KB Toys, searching. The elusive white Leia Not found in sale bins.

• "It's a Trap!" he wailed, The revelation of a Mon Calamari A droid that's built for Human cyborg relations Should not compute odds Often overlooked, The Rebel's unsung hero Nien Nunb saves the day The prequels problems Can be summed up in three words: Boonta Eve Classic You just watch yourself Death sentence on twelve systems I'll ruin your shit Old hunk of junk makes Kessel Run in twelve parsecs Chewie punched it hard That was quite the deal To keep the empire out You old pirate, you Han was right to think They smelt bad on the outside It's Hoth cold out here "Let the wookie win," Wise words, but not as wise as Jar Jar's banishment. Check the galaxy's Hottest new dance sensation The wampa stompa

• Just in from D*C. Will being 20 minutes late knock me out? Why is the best shot a diplomat? It doesn't make sense. Or does it? Oh Cindel, Cindel. It's your fault your family's dead. Mom, Dad, Mace...your fault.

• School is starting up Contest gets a low turn out They will be back Rob.

• It never gets old When a stormtrooper gets shot And Wilhelm Scream plays

• Is it ironic That Spaceballs improved franchise more than Lucas did?

• Leg-based vehicles A child could bring them down Form over function

• With the blast shield down Ben...I can't see anything! *sigh* no shit sherlock

• Jesus, Drabbler at the buzzer! "Chief Chirpa taught Han How to steal Leia's heart: the Endor Butterfly." hilarious. I'm alternately terrified that someone just has, oh, 50 FUCKING STAR WARS HAIKUS just laying about. You know, for a rainy day or a sudden contest requiring that exact thing.

• Chris Ward... Lord of the Ku!

• Oh wow. I have a file of about fifty of these I wrote some years back. Perhaps I should limit myself to a couple dozen or so. Ysalamiri: For when you need a living, Breathing plot device. Chief Chirpa taught Han How to steal Leia's heart: the Endor Butterfly. Ki-Adi-Mundi, Mac Daddy of the Jedi. The man's got five wives! Oh, why did I buy All that new upholstery? Wookiee fur itches. These buns both look good And are practical. They get AM and FM. Spring on Mustafar, When all the red gives way to... Well, it's all still red. Carbonite freezing Has some minor side effects. Forget tasting food. When Fett told Vader, "As you wish," what he really Meant was, "I love you." He laughs at danger. He laughs at enemy threats. Boss Nass laughs too much. Meesa wonderin' Whysa you think meesa dumb? Meesa PhD. Crave not these three things: Anger, fear, and aggression. The Dark Side are they. "If Threepio says His hovercraft's full of eels One more time, blast him." Mace Windu, Jedi. He is one bad Master... "Hey!" Just talkin' 'bout Mace. No one would say why Fang Zar's Senate nickname was "Slippery When Wet." The Emperor's Hand. Mara lucked out compared to The Emperor's Spleen. Death Star: Destroyer, Technological terror, But the rents are low. Hutts do have sexes; In fact, they have six of them, With separate loos. Lando meant to lose. Since this one valet parked it, The Falcon just reeked. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay! Jedi are Gonna die today! The Force has three sides: Light Side, Dark Side, and Far Side. Cows are strong in that. Darth Vader had a Summer job, too, as a clown At children's parties. Now that Jabba's dead, His mob has a new leader: Salacious the Crumb. Biggs, Camie, Fixer, Ten others -- just Luke escaped From Artoo Voorhees. Underwear in space? No, can't have any of that. None at all, heh, heh. Kamino's second Biggest industry's cloning. The first is surfing.

• They call me Lobot Wordlessly watching the clouds I love you, Lando

• Ancient leper frog Yoda, a Kermit with AIDS: No doubt, Luke doubted.

• George, should we cut film? I hit my head on the door. No? Really? Okay.

• Gungans are pussies At least the damned Ewoks tried Eating Han Solo.

• George, should we cut? I hit my head on the door. No? Really? Okay.

• Jabba the Hutt's chub Stuffed in Slave Leia ass The Humanity!

• Pointless Wookie scene No need to bring in the Fetts Yet no baby Wedge? Woo ha that got him Bad writing for minor reb But he's on Endor

• CGI nightmare George sold his soul for effects Kiss his script good-bye Anakin can't act Wooden wife dies of nothing Ben ages too fast Remember your mom? Not likely when she was dead And Smits does not tell Midichlorians Should go to the same places As old Lobot's hair

• "boba fett? Boba fett? Where?" "Ee-aah-ohh-arghh-ughh- ahhhh-urghhhh-ehhhh..." THUNK! Burp. Sorry if anyone beat me to that one.

• The main rule in life, peace is a lie, say the sith, there is only passion!

• You let geeks Haiku About Star Wars, no limits... Foolish, this was, hmm?

• i hope you have fun reading all of this because i believe there are ohh soo many

• "Ain't like dusting crops?" How the hell should I know? I'm a moisture farmer. Ass-kicking Wookiee, with a droid strapped to his back. Who rules Bespin Town? Dinner guest builds droids. "Wow. Protocol? Astromech?" "Assassin." … awkward. Jabba's elite guards: Blasters or detonators? Nah. Axes are fine. Star Wars universe: Where each planet has only one environment. Always two there are: Master and an Apprentice …or three. Maybe four. Well, Lobot, you're hired. Now hold still while we graft on these cyborg earmuffs. Looks like all trees, sir. Ah! Deploy the speeder bikes! …I did say "all trees?" Agghh! No more haikus. Must go get a life. Oh wait, I'm a Star Wars fan.

• C3PO Golden Robot Memory wiped once too many repair Vader should

• Bactine solution. Luke floating in a diaper. His package is small.

• Let us remember Who voted for the clone army Jar Jar is the devil

• Force can move objects Fear controls the galaxy Faith destroys empire

• At seven years old Ewoks were acceptable But now I hate them. That cantina band: Artistic differences Ruined everything. I guess it's racist But I wouldn't want Jawas Moving in next door. Remember the name of that last bounty hunter? I always forget. It's always bugged me: Where does the dianoga Sneak off on trash day?

• Yoda haiku When old you have grown look good as me you will not Jedi master I Power in you I sense Resist the dark side you must or lost you will be Train with me you must So Jedi Knight you might be Then Vader you fight

• Han in the carbon Silently screaming I'm going somewhere sunny

• Ponda Baba's mouth Perpetually birthing Someone's breech baby

• BUILD A BIG ROBOT! oh, a tiny exhaust port? I guess that works, too.

• demoncat wins.

• in the immortal words of yoda. disturbance in force sense i do for lucas brain is through orginal triology good was but sequals it lead to with evil intent jar jar was born then anikin vader did come and lucas is laughing to the bank all the way since stars wars its death he has kept away.

• Who else remembers That ad with Colonel Sanders Wielding Lightsaber?

• When Binks stepped in poop The 8 year old next to me Couldn't stop laughing

• "Your sorcerer's ways Don't frighten me Lord Vader" Oh really, ass clown? Been to Choke E. Cheese? How 'bout some Choke-a Cola? Or a knock-knock Choke? You two, cut it out! Motti and Vader...shake hands. What a fiasco

• Is Leia pregnant? No...Negative, negative It didn't go in

• Green pig in a pit Desperately hopes and prays that Rancor is Jewish

• "Ain't like dusting crops?" Have you ever dusted crops? Shut the fuck up then

• Sure, the force is strong Got my X-Wing out of swamp But seat is still wet

• Who needs fake ID? Dad left his orange shoulder pad Let's get into bars

• They're on Dantooine I disagree with Leia Circle gets the square

• "Colorful wildlife" "Endor both quiet, discrete" Said the damn brochure

• As Vader muses "Discontent is my winter." Spinning through deep space

• Imps have Brit accents Even when that galaxy Has not a Britain Kirk makes it seem work To deliver what Han makes Into sweet mouth love Long time ago? Check. Galaxy far away? Check. Sign me up, Space Man!

• Lucas should have quit but Dollar signs in his eyes ruined it forever Lando Calrissian Funky bad ass space pimp yo! I am not racist Great Pit of Carkoon and Several thousand years the sarlacc will eat you a lot of nerds discuss a hell of a lot that is not cannon

• Cos-play Slave Leia Body like Jabba, dog face Makes me feel my force

• (just a little retort to patrick's little slur on jim kirk) Ahem. To Patrick: Ha! You make me laugh. Solo wouldn't stand a chance.

• Don't go see old Ben Queer as a three dollar bill Let him fuck Jawas.

• Well, my darling wife, who's Japanese, told me that traditional haiku should contain the 5/7/5 style, plus mention something about a season (actually, when I asked her about 'proper' haiku, she just said "I fucking hate haiku, why?" but I digress). Anyway I figured I'd try it out, even if it isn't nearly as classic as the other entries.... Eternal summer Scorching sands of Tatooine Are not soft like you. Snow freezing my skin Worse is the chill in my spine Imperial Walkers!

• Chris Ward said: Can robots feel pain? It screamed when I burnt his feet This job is fucked up. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This guy deserves a shirt. Fucking awesome, Chris.

• T'was Greedo shot first Master Yoda, you seek, hrmm? Force be with with you, dude. Ewoks saved us all From the forces of evil Apparently. Right?

• Rob has sifted through Thousands of Star Wars haikus. What a masochist.

• The Skywalker clan why are such assholes always the hero?

• Malak rocks the house! Darth Revan is pure kick-ass! Bandon... not so much.

• Just five syllables? Easiest Star Wars punchline: "Metachlorian"

• Fett picked up guitar. Changed his name for Hollywood. Now: Django Reinhardt.

• Loved Star Wars so much! Even collected the cards! 3PO's Boner?

• Slave Leia's costume never fails to give me a Jabba in my pants

• Lucas hates his fans Drove him mad with their fandom Revenge was prequels

• Luke is on a boat an air boat mother fucker T-pain. Sarlaccs lunch.

• Luke is like a Boss Hit on Leia. REJECTED. cant...stop...jizz deeply

• "The Plight of Princess Leia" Strong and brave leader, And all they remember is That damn bikini.

• All this Star Wars Talk Reminds me of painful truth. Dead horse, George still beats.

• Only P. Cushing could portray Grand Moff Tarkin, who holds Vader's leash For more emphasis No force powers, but he tells Vader what to do

• Captain Kirk saved Whales Han Solo just saved a Wookie Han Solo is a bitch

• Original Films George Lucas was a genius Now is bat shit crazy

• Original Film Powerful Visage I was Prequels Made me emo

• No try, there is hmmmmmm? Powerful ally, the force is yes? Judge me not by size .

• "But Uncle Owen!" "Quiet you griping orphan! Just leave I don't care!"

• Star wars for the win. Cylons Borg Daleks Reavers Cant beat the empire.

• Alderaan Boy Scouts We're prepared for anything And we mean any- FOOP!

• Can count on one hand Those who never lost a limb (Yes, pun intended)

• Can count on one hand Number of characters who Have never lost limbs

• Everything in Star Wars is five syllables! Look: Ewan McGregor

• A long time ago When Alderaan still spun 'round I have the high ground

• The Phantom Menace to Return of the Jedi George got ya money.

• Holiday Special Old wookie Itchy watches Interspecies porn Malla learns to cook Lumpy is a devil spawn Luke wears guy liner

• a happy giant white fields; wreckless abandon tied feet, my undoing

• Please george sell out more Let someone else make some more fans will love you more

• Even more troubling Is that the sarlaac pit Kind of turns me on

• On Pollis Massa, Creepy Chroon-Tan B-Machine, Oobah! Oobah! Ick... ------------------------------ Think Geek Overlords, I can has sleeping bag pleez? April fools, fucker!

• Watching Padme die A cold, mangled, canon corpse Of my childhood dreams

• Hand waves in the air, 'These are not the droids,' he says, Move along, old man. Malakili sobs, 'Do Rancors go to heaven?' Buy a shirt, fat-ass! A long, long, time ago... Bye bye Miss Tatooine pie, R.I.P Max Rebo

• Star Wars M.M.O. The Old Republic, I'll play W.o.W gets deleted

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