A long time ago,
In a galaxy far, far
away...too easy.

my backpack has jets
My name is Boba the Fett
bounty hunt for Hutt

Luke answer me this,
Why did you kiss your sister?
Slave costume aside.

Stupid Anakin
Obi had the higher ground
That's +1 attack

Secret siblinghood
Overcome the Force cannot,
Luke, Cockblocked you are

tears spill down tunic
a fallen friend lays near
Malakili weeps

dang this robot site!
never knew the udder thing
traumatized for life

Lives in a desert
Loses hand in a battle
Hero really SUCKS!

God damn the Ewoks!
The start of George selling out.
Should have been Wookiees.

Chewbacca: Wookiee
Born on the planet Kashyyyk
Yet lives on Endor?

take stereotype
add some makeup and effects.
bingo. new species.

here's a case in point:
small bald Jewish guy plus wings
and watto is born.

Han shot first/Greedo
shot first. Doesn't matter. Han's
still fuckin' badass!

Dark Lord of the Sith,
Killed a bunch of Jedi brats.
"Totally wizard!"

Midochloreans.
One word: my childhood dreams
are killed senselessly.

To her I replied
Aren't you a little fat for
a Princess,bee-yatch?

Lando so suave,
You had the moves and the charm,
Shoulda tapped dat.

Rodian Greedo
Quoth "Oota goota, Solo?"
Zap! Bastard smuggler.

Stars Wars, Empire,
and Jedi blew my mind. Then
Menace raped my brain.

Tattooine is dry.
What is the taste of blue milk?
Bantha poodoo's close.

Boba Fett was pimp.
Everyone said but then he
fell in a damn hole.

Hey, Jacen Solo!
The Dark Side is for pussies.
Stop being emo.

Now what do you mean
we're not on the fucking list?
We're the Modal Nodes!

I predict, Chewie,
that you have a bright future.
Oh wait, just a moon.

Midichlorians
What the fuck were you thinking
God damn you Lucas

Oh Slave Leia, you
set the bar too high. All men
dream to be Jabba

did she just kiss him?
but I'm the lovable rogue
laugh it up, fuzzball

When I was little...
The trash compactor monster...
scariest bad guy.

I just saw that guy
With all of the slave Leias
And they are fugly

Rest in peace, Chewie.
Lando mourns you and pours out
Some Colt-45.

Guerilla warfare.
Perspective is a right bitch
isn't it, Ackbar?

It could have been worse.
George could have directed five.
Thank you Irvin Kersh.

Star Wars Conventions.
They smelled bad on the outside,
Inside; oh horror.

Hello, my name is
Annakin Skywalker, and
I am a Vader.

Hero or villain?
Knight of the old republic.
Revan all along?!?!

@TheRam
A Dianoga,
Your trash compactor monster.
God I need a life.

Luke has two natures.
A crack shot destroys Death Stars,
But those poor womp rats.

*In the style of a young Bill Murray*

Star Wars! Nothin' but
Star Wars! Check out those Star Wars!
No, don't let 'em end!

I know I won't Win
I just want a free t-shirt
Here's my lame attempt . . .

Han Fucking Solo
The coolest guy of all time
Could kick Jim Kirk's ass!!!

Chewie stands with them.
The Alliance has a rule.
No pants, no medal.

Watch out, Dash Rendar!
Fight all those famous villains,
you Solo knockoff.

L. Calrissian
So smooth he'd seduce your mom
and you wouldn't care

Need more cash for toys
Lucas, marketing genius
Just took my first born

Round and round he flew.
Hogtied walker falls. Ker-splat!
Hoo-ah! That got 'im!

Scared on Dagobah.
Eyes covered. Something's out there.
Hey wait! It's Grover!

Jar Jar is like shaft
When compared to ghetto twins
From Transformers 2

Owen and Beru.
Lying there upon the sand.
Goes great with blue milk.

Fuzzy little bears
Fight a galactic empire
and somehow they win?

Episode One. Bad.
Add This And It Might Be Good.
The Wookiee Life Day

Greedo now shoots first
Hayden Christensen's a ghost
Damn you George Lucas

Death Star Engineer
Will never find work again
Stupid exhaust port

Ackbar the critic.
Talks about the prequel films.
Don't rent, it's a trap!

Porkins was the man.
He could have taken the shot.
He forgot Slim Fast.

scurrilous ewok swarms
n the trees, in the bushes, on my six
i am so fucked.

- the last thoughts of a Imperial Biker Scout during the ground assault during the Battle of Endor

Technological.
A Terror, Death Star.
But for two meters.

I've figured it out
The problem with Ahsoka
She's a sith-spawned brat

The great mystery
Is solved. Plums can grow in the
Desert. My mind: Blown.

He doesn't like you.
I do not like you either.
Fans to prequel films.

Star Wars contest now?
Rob this is getting old fast
Just give me a shirt

Something is wrong here.
What happened to Tatooine?
Too many banthas.

Admiral Thrawn, Chiss.
Devious red-eyed leader.
Should have won it all.

Ewoks like Solo
He helped the save their world.
Would they still eat him?

mighty darth vader
damn you hayden christensen
lightsaber through your crack

Fat guy named Porkins?
Fish race named Calamari?
Ugh, my brain just died.

Luke and Leia, twins.
Making out in the Med Bay.
Ben should have said, 'STOP!'.

Luke was cramping bad.
It was that time of the month.
Thank god for Tauntauns.

Mos Eisley Spaceport
It may be a wretched hive
But they have great bars

you may deny it
But that is just oh so wrong
han shot greedo first

btw i dont actually care

I can kill you all
but eaten by a vagina
thats filled with sand?

I realized
chain bikini and so hot?
Jabba hit that HARD

The Cantina Band
Are technically Jizz Wailers
I am not joking

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jizz-wailer

Btw i seem to have found a topic for next weeks FFF

Ewoks eat people.
Does this creep anyone out?
Or is it just me?

Hyper-drive won't work
Stupid hunk of junk - Damn it!
This isn't my fault!

Mynocks chewing on
Cables. This is no cave - I
have a bad feeling...

Beep boop beep whirrr beep
Whistle whirr beep honk whistle -
Whirr whirr beep whistle.

more! jabba the hutt
tighten the clamp in my throat
choke like kwai chang caine

Poor, poor Max Rebo
Cut from special editions
Band sucks without him

Little beeping droid
Flew like a leaf on the wind
Probably swearing

Qui Gon is it bad
I like you less in the films
Than in Fanfiction Friday?

Ewok and Wookiee.
It is good they did not mate.
Think of the children.

the best part of the
entire first episode, was
the fight at the end.

lightsabers are hot.
han ducked and greedo got shot.
george lucas should rot.

poor poor chewbacca.
his reward for years of
devotion? Death by Vong.

the best characters
of the prequels died in
the first episode.

best and worst lines from
star wars included father
and son saying NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

you never hear about
an idiot padawan
stabbing himself? weird.

Star Wars, A New Hope
Has the highest body count
Of all films ever

I saved the princess
Got a french kiss from the chick
Mario is shit

Nice site there, TR.
C3PO said "What's up?"
He said "lawsuit", too. :)

I think I'm in love
She's a beautiful princess
Crap! She's my sister.

I could not have seen
the blue milk I made for Luke
would be our last together

By Episode Three
There's no Ahsoka Tano
But where did she go?

I belive I know
She was killed by Anakin
And I know why too

She called him Skyguy
One too many times I think
The Dark Side took him

I cannot blame him
For decapitating her
With his light blue blade

She was but the first
of the Jedi he would fell
Soon they would all fall

Thus is the power
Of really stupid nicknames
and dumb Padawans

fucked last one up. 5/7/5 not 5/7/7:

I could not have seen
the blue milk I made for Luke
would be the last one

This one's not exactly a haiku about Star Wars, but it's a Haiku inspired by Yoda's line from Episode One, and I figured you would enjoy it Rob seeing as you're as much of a drunk as I am.

Beer leads to liquor
Liquor leads to shots, and Shots?
Lead to suffering

The Cantina Band
Plays the same song all the time
It does not get old

Don't quote me your books
Boba Fett is fucking dead!
Burn your comics too.

Less than twelve parsecs?
Your Kessel Run boast is flawed.
Nerds to the rescue!

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Parsec

Leia likes scoundrels
But would sooner kiss Wookies
She's a dirty girl

Mace Windu's saber
Has "Badass Motherfucker"
Engraved on handle

Yippie, Whoops, Uh-oh
A franchise ruined no doubt
Young Vader is He

Ha ha ha ha ha
You are a bantha fodder
My boy, Han Solo

Luke, join the dark side
Son, I have a gift for you
Come, and get cookies

Purple Lightsaber
And Samuel L Jackson?
Needs a Lando cape.

My name is Chewie.
You can stop this contest now.
Let the Wookiee win.

Meesa Jar Jar Binks,
Yousa buy my cereal.
Like ashes in mouth.

Holiday Star Wars
Should have cast David Bowie
Muppeteer regrets.

Han Solo Slowly
Slowly Slowly Slowly Han...
Take it off, Smuggler.

When Padme gave birth
They were shocked that she had twins
But why is that though?

Let me get this straight
Star Wars has hyperdrive ships
but no Ultrasound?

Once an Anakin
Always a stupid douchebag
Oh no the horror

what is that you say?
the expanded universe
talk about bullshit

Once upon a Solo
There was a Harrison Ford
Then he became old

Once in a bantha
You feel the innards cover
so warm and tasty

Fell too soon he did
Darth Maul greatest villian of
All his saber quiet

Life expectancy
Of those who work for Vader
Is about 2 days

Whoever okay-ed
Jar Jar Binks should be shot
"Paging George Lucas"

Stop moving Ewok!
It's too easy to spot the
Stupid fur zipper

General Grievous!
Can't get much lamer than that
But Lucas loved him

Prequels, what prequels?
It must be PTSD
Repressed memory

Only Lucas could
Make THE Natalie Portman
seem an empty plank of wood

Midichlorians?
Sucktastic. But even worse?
Vader yells "Yippeee!"

"I Love You" said she
"I Know" said the Pimpmaster
then he got frozen

Goddamn carbonite!
I was going to get some
now I am just art

Ewoks in the trees
The Stromtroopers look upwards
Then fall down, go boom

Lando Clrissian
Macking on all the ladies
smooth operator

Lando of Bespin
Macking on all the ladies
smooth operator

In the cantina.
Hey Wuher, another beer.
Yo, fuck off ball-chin.

Helmets used for drums?
But...but they were stormtroopers!
My God, where's the heads?

When five, seven, five
Syllables you must use, hmnph,
See how good you do!

Haikus are so lame.
I don't understand the appeal.
But Star Wars still rocks.

Lando, you asshole.
Why did you narc on your friends?
You deserve no friends.

If you give me 50 peggats
I can
fuck your childhood

@patrick- all gold man , hilarious work.

Married a Twi'lek.
She likes her tentacles sucked.
Does that make me gay?

A rancor will eat
Whatever you drop on him
deep down he wants cake

CGI people
CGI environments
Lucas: *fap fap fap*

I played Boba Fett
Then all the money dried up
I'll sign things for ten

Tag and Bink are Dead
Would have been a better film
Than this clone horseshit

Ackbar has Lando
And Nunb rockin' the Falcon.
Too bad it's a traaaap!

Ben says "Use the Force!"
But the Force just got him killed.
Screw you, blue glowie...

Oh wait...THIS Death Star?
Fully operational.
Suck it, Jedi bitch.

Lightsaber, baby!
Not as clumsy or random
as a-- SHIT! MY HAND!

Kolar, Fisto, and
Tiin. Three saber grandmasters.
Pwned by Emperor.

WANT to be good, but
in every game I play,
Dark Side is more fun.

Except for Darth Maul,
TPM blew Gungan balls.
So George killed him off.

First, Lucas lost his mind,
then he lost his neck. What's with
the creepy wattle?

Ep. IV. Just awesome.
Immune to SNL spoofs
and disco spin-offs.

My Han figure, plus
cup, plus freezer, equals
Carbonite Solo.

Ooo, Jabba the Hutt.
The scary gangster kingpin.
Three words: Pass the salt.

Luke: Maimed in empire.
Vader: Attack of the clones.
...All limbs fear Lucas...

I've always thought that
An R2 unit would make
A great beer cooler...

--And now, a brief series of tales: ^^ --

Lil Ani macking
On Padme seems like a job
For Chris Hansen. Ew.

Not to mention that
whole Luke and Leia deal.
You know what I think:

That long time ago,
In that far off galaxy?
Yeah. Vegas baby!

Jabba's not that cruel
He gave Leia some lotion
for her chapped nipples

I'm on this fat farm
regretting my decision
to play Leia again

What's with that dumb scar?
Is that how we know you're bad?
Stupid creator.

Poor old George Lucas.
He created so damn much.
We hate him for that.

Darth Vader, Yoda,
Luke, Leia, Han, Chewbacca,
Obi Wan, Jabba.

Midichlorions,
X-Wing, Tie Fighter, Sarlacc
The Firce, Light Sabers

See, now it's just lists.
Star Wars stuff In haiku form.
What now, you bitches?

I am your father.
Search your feelings, it is true.
No! Impossible!

...I had waaaay too much time on my hands....

---STAR WARS EPISODE 4: A NEW HOPE---

Big star destroyer
Catches Princess Leia's Ship.
Vader wants the plans.

Leia finds R2.
Sends Obi Wan a message.
He's her only hope.

Luke looks at the suns.
He's lazy for a farmer.
Let's go look at droids.

Let's get this robot.
Oh shit, it just exploded!
R2 is better.

What's this message?
Obi Wan? You mean Old Ben?
Let's go see him now.

Sand people are strong.
Well, that or Luke's a pussy.
Obi Wan saved him.

I am Obi Wan!
This is your dad's light saber!
Time for adventure!

OH MY FREAKING GOD.
OWEN AND BERU ARE DEAD.
Smoking skeletons...

No time for crying!
We're going to a bar now!
Got to find a ship.

Please ignore these droids.
They're not what you're looking for.
GTF away.

Luke picks fights in bars.
Obi Wan tries to stop them.
Some limbs are severed.

Chewbacca and Han
(After Han shot Greedo first)
fly then in their ship.

Uh oh, Alderaan!
You totally got blown up!
Death Star FTW!

Tractor beam trapped them.
Smuggling areas help.
Now lets save Leia!

Chewie is handcuffed.
Guards never saw it coming.
Han's lame excuse. FAIL

Leia is a bitch,
says Luke's a short Storm Trooper.
They make their escape.

Obi Wan: Sneaky.
Guards: Apparently blind and deaf.
Tractor beam shut off.

Oh no! Surrounded!
Let's go jump in a trash shoot!
That's a great idea!

Garbage monster fight.
Great, now the walls are closing.
Help us fast, R2!

OK, great, we're out.
How can we find Obi Wan?
Oh wait, he's fighting.

Who's that dude in black?
Oh shit! Obi Wan is dead!
...and then disappeared?!

OK, action time.
Let's go blow up the death star.
Let the farmer fly.

Porkins got blown up.
No one can hit the damn hole.
...Luke's computer's off?!

Hell of a gamble.
Luke closes his eyes and flies.
Here comes Darth Vader!

Vader targets Luke.
The force is strong in that one.
Han to the rescue!

Vader spins away.
Proton torpedos go in.
Boom goes the Death Star!

They all get medals,
well, Luke, Han, and Chewbacca.
The end! Roll credits!

I joined up for cash
Now Darth Vader's on my ass
It came from behind

But without Jar-Jar

Up-high studs & kitpieces

Would be left behind

(Just wanted to sound off on the other entries. Awesome. Patrick rocks. But, man, "I am a Vader." Onanrulz FTW!)

Jabba's a fatass
I wonder what he's hiding
Under those Jowels

Small green pedophile.
Yoda wants another kid.
"No, he is too old!".

Can't see my own dick
But I'll play this round keyboard
Badass elephant

Han shot at Greedo
just kidding, Greedo shoots Han
What the heck Lucas?

Leia won't kiss Han
Corellian smuggles inquires
Scruffy Nerf Herder

One for each (real) episode:

Scorching eyes stare down
Our hero stares back, unsure
Destiny awaits!

A flame in the snow
The rebellion lies broken
But its heart remains

A jedi is born
Light, with power beyond words
A father is saved

swirl aside foul sash
why do you tease me, leia?
hypnotizing mole

swirl aside foul sash
why do you tease me, leia?
hypnotizing mole

A Jedi
Worries not about
syllables
or line count

Mace Windu
Kicks ass with
Purple lightsaber

Haiku short
wrinkly poem like
Jedi Master Yoda

Lucas hates all
his rabid loyal fans whp give him money
JarJar Binks loves Ewoks

Rebel Alliance destroys Death Star
Over forest moon filled with teddy bears
Everyone knows Ewoks all die

Rancor, Rancor, Rancor,
Sitting in bone filled pit
I think I love you

Seriously what
were they thinking when they came
up with Jar Jar Binks?

I cried all night long
after reading Star Wars FFF
Jedi Watersports.

:(

This is too much fun. I had to write a second one.

KHAN! screams the captain
Before Spock's noble death scene....

Oh wait, wrong movie.

My name is Jacen
Yet I still lust after slave Leia
seems to run in family

Aussie accent, cool-
est gig in the galaxy
Jango is still lame.

Do not kill me please
But I never saw Star Wars
I fail as a nerd

It was clear to us
But he just had to say it
Akbar: "IT"S A TRAP."

Get ready to barf
Fat Ugly Jabba the Hutt
In Leia Bikini

"Lapti Nek" means "I
eat my young" in Huttese. Hells
yes! Preach it Snootles!

Han and Wookie sit
Reading Fan Fiction Friday
Popping their balloons

Out cold, upside down.
Luke's foot in an icicle?
A wampa did that?

Ewoks set a trap
Chewbacca wanted meat bad
We are Ewok Chow

In the Cantina
Twin Suns set on Mos Eisley
Garindan will snitch

But I was going
to Tosche station to get
power converters

OMG THIS CONTEST WAS LIKE TAILOR MADE FOR ME~!!
SW= BEST!!1 and i work PT for a japanese prof
unfortunaately i fail!

nerdy star wars girl
translates haiku for money
why am i drunk now??

Jaina married Jag
thus a royal line was born, Imperial
Womb of Destiny

Got another, couldn't resist:

Jabba is a slug
Attracted to human girls
That's not natural

It won't go away
A child's sci-fi fairytale
Merchandise machine.

Series that defines
the line 'tween boy and man boy:
He who has more toys!

Luke looses hand
Darth Vader is quite turned on
last line censored

(I blame B for this one. Thanks B)

How many sylabbles is Twi'lek?
How about Kashyyyk?
Is Jedi even one or two?

The first three films rule
Destroyed by one man's vision
DAMN YOU GEORGE LUCAS

*Syllables

These are pretty much both B's fault again.

Too many jokes
About Leia and Luke's
Relationship

Not enough about
Luke and Vader's dysfunction
Who's your daddy now?

I wrote a verse for
Jacen to post on TR
His will is weaksauce

B's mind tricks work well
over the electrons in the web
Lets hope no force choke

Chuba noy haku
Wankee pranka! Da so ree
lakeela! Wermo!

(Translation derived from http://www.completewermosguide.com)

Look behind Artoo
3PO rubs Golden Rod
In the Lars' garage

Way to hide the boy!
Keep the last name Skywalker
Like his evil dad

Clumsy Stormtrooper
Pretend it's on purpose, look!
Jango did it too!

Padme would be here
if spoiled bitch had just bought
Anakin's slave mom

Ice cream maker guy!
Run away the Empire's here!
Big bucks on Tatooine.

Jedi masters lie
About their indentity
as well as your dad.

Dengar, Bossk, and droid
Zuckuss, 4-LOM, Boba Fett!
We don't need their scum

The Wars in the Stars
Were fought to settle names of
Zuckuss and 4-LOM

Sent my UPCs
Goddamn middle goes nowhere!
welded to his back

Han in Carbonite
Do you think he shat himself
hanging on that wall?

Decapitation!
Spare no Tusken, even kids.
This makes Padme wet.

Get Greivous, Obi-Wan!
Gary Gygax abortion
is you ride of choice

Did we really need
an extra scene to show us
Wampa lose his arm?

Commander Cody
Freak me out with floaty head
On your fake body

Was anyone here
truly convinced anakin
surfed on a real beast?

You choke slammed my mom!
Killed kids, blew up Alderran!
I sense good in you...?

So, Vader's my dad?
From a "certain point of view?"
Fuck you, and your ghost.

Oh! Leia's my sis?
Could have said this earlier?
Before I hit that?

My new PS game
"Masters of Teras Kasi"
Tekken minus fun.

Hey, that Aurra Sing.
She's going places you say?
What the fuck happened?

I fell 50 times
Scaling the sandcrawler on
Super NES

Echuta. How rude!
Stormtroopers here? WTF?
Oh no, I've been shot!

Vader teabags kids
While busting grooves to Hammer's tune
at Star Tours' hell dance

Never owned a droid?
Dick, you at least SAW Artoo
fifty fucking times.

Hey there bartender.
Why the robo-racism?
Han just killed a guy!

To all my fellow nerds:
Just another reminder
Boba Fett--still dead

Jefferson Starship
Luke is made up like a whore
And there's wookie porn

Ninja Turtles film
Better animatronics
Than the Viceroy had

Seriously guys!
Boba died--by accident!
Please just let it go.

Where was Jangos head?
When Boba grabbed his helmet?
When did it fall out?

Look at Dexter's shirt.
There's an embroidered Kaadu.
Shops at space K-Mart

It's never quite explained
Who this Sypho Diaz was
Did they just forget?

I bought Ric Olie
He's the new Han! I can't wait!
worst figure ever.

Amidala's ship
Just an SR-71
Pimped out it chrome

Jar Jar and Annie
Save Naboo...by accident?
You lost me there, George

As a Star Wars nerd
I'm amazed that I have not
bothered with Clone Wars

Jabba has sex slaves
Is that maybe...I dunno...
too rapey for kids?

Look at those Ugnaughts
When they pass the golden head
A pig mask comes off!

"No-oo-oo-OO-OO!!!!"
"I killed Padme in my rage!!1!1!!!"
(that shit made me laugh!!)

Annie Hall beat Star
Wars in '77. The nerds are
still raging today.

Sold out by Lando
I did all that I could do...
To no avail. Fuck.

So now I'm frozen
In carbonite, my nuts are
Tiny but furry.

Till my wench and wook
A thermal detonator
In hand they tried

To rescue me but
FAILED. Until Luke, cocky bast-
tard...with light saber

Inside of R2
Insert innuendo here
Launch little bot launch!

Cool sab'r techniques
Mark Hamil did not possess
Swung like idiot

Somehow still saved
The rogue, the wench, and the wook
Oh and the bots too

Boba was a tool
Knocked off barge by blind Solo
A blind man beat him

The day is saved,
Wench is won; but Luke is screwed.
Figuratively

Every savior needs
To be celibate in the'ry
Right Catholics?

Vader was the virgin
birth. But his children were his
undoing. The pray'r

Should now end as such:
Praise to the father the son
hot sister and ghost.

Amen(sorta)

The End

A long time ago...
Fuck it, no one will ever read
A poem this far down.

"Lithe, green, and willing
Plus they're good with their head-tails"
"No...any Zabraks?"

Oh No Ackbar Look!
This was a bad bad idea
It is a trap

All Skywalkers who
Are not whiny dumb brats are
Of the the fairer sex.

i.e. Mara Jade, Leia, and Padme before episode 3.

I hate the new ones
Original Trilogy
Those are all I need.

Who needs religion
Hocus Pocus and B.S.
Han Solo's the shit.

Darth Vader's a DICK
Pissed off and power hungry
Stupid Fucking Sith

Leia as a slave
I'd hit that then but not now
Now looks more like Hutt.

Slice wimpy Luke's hand off
Tell him I'm his father
Rule the galaxy with me

I disowned my child
Boba is not the green jango
Now live on the street

RVB's Burnie posted a story about his son claiming Boba fett was the green Janfo fett

Two suns and sand dunes
Destiny awaits him now
That and no more hand

I effed up my other one

Slice luke's hand right off
Tell him I'm his father
Rule the galaxy, son

the page has been hacked
i know i don't have a virus
please fix

i know its not a star wars haiku but i don't like being redirected to a spam bot

See Vader Angry
Officer has screwed up bad.
Choke officer, choke.

Bullies might look tough
Its just a front to hide the
Burnt pussy within

Tuskan in the sun.
I wonder how they might say.
Squeal like a jawa.

Ewok and Jawa.
See them in the cantina.
Much regret next day.

Wookiee and princess
After fan fiction friday
She lets wookiee win.

Fact some can't accept
In spite of the cool helmet
Fetts die like bitches

Rancor Wookie Fett
Vader Solo Lando Droids
AT-AT Slave Leia

OK that one is so awesome I think it needs 3-5 more syllables

After the prequels
I am forced to conclude this:
Star Trek is better.

The plans have now changed
I had things to do tonight
Must rewatch empire

Bring to me Solo
He will pay for this outrage
Also the Wookiee.

Of "Firey" Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes (aka The Cantina Band):

"Jizz Wailers"? For Reals?
That's your musical genre?
Damn Lucas, that's wrong.

Of "Firey" Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes (aka The Cantina Band):

"Jizz Wailers"? For Reals?
That's your musical genre?
Damn Lucas, that's wrong.

Triumph! The days mine!
Against all odds I won!....ouch!
"I bent my Wookie."

What up Lando C.?
Colt Forty-Five Malt Liquor.
Works every time.

A prayer for the Dead
Innocent men and women
Killed on death star 2

O Wedge Antilles,
Unsung Saga hero.
Luke hogs the glory!

Saw Episode one.
My friend fell asleep mid-way.
The lucky bastard.

Hey, is that Lando?
No, he's new to this series
Jimmy Smits, bitches

I blew my weekend
Writing 1,000 haikus
Still didn't win the shirt

Leia just kissed me.
Dagobah is a long trip.
Saber gets polished.

Left threepio on lamp
Melted my favorite toy
That's a true story

Hey, this deal is great!
Joking, this deal is getting
worse all of the time

First trilogy good,
But ghost of Yoda still cries
“You damned are Hayden”

I'm Sebastian Shaw
The original third ghost
I'll have my revenge

My grandkids still cry
Their pap-pap is now missing
from the scene they loved

And so, George, at night
I will possess your fingers
and re-cut the film

With force ghosts in tact
And the Ewok song restored
My spirit can rest

I'm Sebastian Shaw
The original third ghost
I'll have my revenge...

I haven't seen him.
It's possible he came in
through the south entrance.

Shining in the sand
A Jawa treasure?
Nope, just scrap metal

Vader was the man.
The prequel changed all of that.
Seems awesome can die.

Star Wars promotes love
with your family members
I blame the midwest

Are you poorly trained,
or does your BlasTech just have
shit aim, Stormtrooper?

Why is Luke so sad?
He met Ben like, yesterday!
No tears for the Lars

Was it a surprise
That Palpatine was a Sith?
Anti-climactic

The worst stealth weapons
Have got to be lightsabers
They are so damn loud

Seriously now
How could you sneak up on dudes?
Crackle-Humm--Pew! Dead.

Cartoon Boba Fett
Beats that dino-thing to shit
What was up with that?

Revenge of the Sith
Promised but it lied about
-Neeson Cameo.

Slave I's sonic bombs
Put some science nerds in space
Can you hear them scream?

Can someone tell me
Why I have a Terrence Stamp
12 inch toy at home?

After the pod race
Anakin kicks Greedo's ass
That's a fucking stretch

Double Lightsaber!
That's so cool, but guess what's not
4 armed coughing droid

Who's he talking to?
"Time to abandon ship! Ha!"
Moustache twirling douche

R2-D2 you can fly?
Try not to forget that skill
You'd look pretty dumb

Midichlorians
When you turn bad, do they make
Your eyes turn all yellow?

If I made part 3
I would have some damn respect
Prowse on speed dial

Why does Owen Lars
Need a protocol droid to
Speak lawn-bowling-ese

The new song is nice
But I will always kind of miss
The Ewoks' Yub Nubs

CD track title
"Noble End of Qui-Gon-Jinn"
Guess I know who dies

R2, what's this do?
Do tools come out, or go in?
Midget glory hole

The Mos Eisley bar
You can't miss their awesome band!
They've got scrotum heads

Walrus Man is mad
Evazan is starting shit
No bouncers in space?

Pod Race Announcer
I would like to choke your necks
Worst thing in 6 films

Oh, you Mark Hamill.
Play Luke, then voice The Joker.
No escape from nerds.

ok i know it's early but JACK OF ALL GAMES that was totally ftw

it has everything that makes a good haiku... metaphor, symbolism, poingnant imagery

also i lol'ed so loud i woke up my bf X-D

An Ode to Wedge...

Please, really no thanks.
Luke's wing men seem to all die,
think I'll fly alone.

An ode to Tomorrowland...

Starspeeder 3K's
Captain REX at your service.
Let's fly to Endor.

An ode to homo's...

Can ROBOTS be gay?
Let's go ask C-3PO.
Another oil bath?

Princess Honeybun
Turned slave by a giant slug
Smoker's voice not sexy

For the record Darth
doesn't have Jones' dark voice.
Signed, Gilbert Gottfried

Lucas you old fraud
you stole everything from Frank
Herbert. Luke is Paul!!

Oh star wars prequels
If only Moore had tantrumed
Then none would have watched

I love Slave Leia
In her golden bikini
Fapfapfapfapfap

Ewoks are teh sux
Almost as bad as Gungans
I am Poopatron

Forget the younglings
Lord Vader why not all the
Ewoks and Gungans

No fair! Slurpy told me about the contest, I gave him my idea, and he posted one first! And I'M Poopatron!

Wrinkly old Emp'rer
Has his hands all over Luke
Cum to the Dark Side.

Ani and Qui-Gon
Trading Midichlorians
While Threepio films.

I'm trying to reach
Baron Administrator
Lando Calrissian.

Farmboy buys robots
Save the princess, Hyperspace!
Blow up that Death Star

Hiding in the snow
Freeze the Han and fight the dad!
Epic Cliffhanger

Crazy plan saves Han
Toss your master down a pit
Ewoks save the day

Young Ben and Qui Gonn
Find a slave, the chosen one!
Jar Jar burns good will

Kill the senator!
Jangos clones go bug stomping
Check out Yoda's flips!

Jedi are betrayed
Anakin kills EVERYTHING
Ben and Yoda hide

Saga in 6 parts
Lasers, sabers, monsters, Force!
Good outweighs the bad

Bosses lie strangled
Now I’ve been promoted, please
De-porn my lap top?

Still wish I'd gone to
Tosche Station for the damn
Power Converters

Halloween 0h-eight
han solo costume ready
mom said im too fat

oh yeah! slave leia
subject of most of my dreams
time to change the sheets

"GRR RR RR RR RRL
GRRR RR RR RR RR RR RRRR"
nice one there chewie

girl flirting with me
Ad. Ackbar says "It's a trap"
I don't care, fuck off

Vader, deadbeat dad.
Never once called for birthdays
or dressed as Santa.

"There is another…"
His twin? No shit. I was there
when they were born. Dick.

Mace's shaft: purple
and engorged. Yoda's is green:
There's a cream for that.

General Grievous.
The multi-saber buzzsaw.
Hide his inhaler.

Boba friggin Fett.
Mandalorean pimp king.
Bogeys the sandtrap.

Nice one, slave Leia.
But how do you choke a slug
when he has no neck?

Bespin, the good life.
Sip malt liquor in the clouds
and sell out your friends.

You "altered the deal?"
Screw you, you wheezy douchebag.
My guys are union.

Wow! The Emperor
was Naboo's Senator? Weird...
Both named Palpatine.

You keep Zam Wesell.
I'll take the hot redhead from
The Old Republic.

Watto, you scamp. Thanks
for making stereotypes
and slavery fun.

Next Fan Fic Friday:
Twilek, Fisto, and D'Argo.
Tentacle orgy.

Admiral Ackbar
Says "Get me to Hogwarts now!
Meet that big, ol' squid"

My name is Ackbar
I am Mon Calimari
That's Squid Man, shithead

Jabba was pissed off
He lost his remote control
Too fat to get up

(Ree Yees pissed himself)

flannel shirt and beard
smart to own the licensing
big house in Marin

Rip off of Dune rip
off of Dune rip off of Dune
Star Wars ripped off Dune

Dune Dune Dune Dune Dune
Dune Dune Dune Dune Dune Dune It's
a rip off of Dune.

Oh chewbacca with your hair,
what have they based you on,
a dog or a bear?

Rule of two,
no more no less,
bane didn't get out much.

Luke beat chopped hand,
lightning and great fall,
mace should've survived!

Clone to stormtrooper
different armour, same people
different accent.

STOP PRESS Headline News
Logray busted in
vile Furby sex romp

I think I'll try a more traditional approach, though it'll probably be passed over in favor of something snarky.

Life teems in many forms,
Swampy Dagobah in Spring,
The Force in all things

4, 5, 6, oh joy.
1, 2, 3, f**k you Lucas
My childhood is destroyed.

Millions of Fett clones
None can shoot a gun worth shit
Damn Kaminoans!

The little muppet
doles out the jedi advice
yet lacks good grammar

The Stormtrooper shoots,
shoots, and shoots, hitting nothing
what zen perfection!

Lips passion-parted
Mon Mothma gazes, longing
Ackbar owns her, whole.

Ewoks triumphant
Cheers, joy, but the steel rain falls
stench of burning fur.

Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
blah blah raped my childhood blah
shut the hell up, please.

Skillful deceiver
like master, like apprentice
Qui-Gon SO boned Schmi

Monastic order
rife with sexual tension
poor kid had no chance.

Lithe Aayla Secura
bare torso, lekku writhing
I'd've flipped out, too.

Serene Shaak Ti, wise,
reserved, but under that calm
raw, animal passion.

Ahsoka Tano
not even legal, pervert
don't think about it.

Depa Billaba
learned many dark secrets, now
mistress of jungle love.

Luminara's hat
so like a wimple, almost
hides the heat inside.

Apprentice Offee
so close to her master, like
two halves of one whole.

Stass Allie nurtures
the Force in all life with her
slow, massaging hands.

Hungry for nectar
but all flowers forbidden
only one way out

The Dark Side promises
power, freedom, victory
and sweet, sweet release.

The tragedy of
poor Anakin Skywalker
doomed to be human.

Jabba’s final thought:
Breath play is risky when you
Forget the safeword.

Taken from the fight
By a blind man with a stick
Boba Fett, you dink.

Doc

Incest out in space
Luke and Leia share hot tongue
Farm boy, take the shot

Doc

Over Yavin IV
So many lives lost that day
We, never forget

Death Star goes against
a Princess without a bra.
No wonder they lost.

Orphan, early age
Worse than kissing your sister?
I am your father

Your plane starts on fire
Day after contest begins
Karma this is Rob

@Patrick FTW!

Jar Jar is like shaft
When compared to ghetto twins
From Transformers 2

That is hilarious!!!

A worn caution sign
"Halt! Vagina Dentata!"
Sarlacc feeds tonight...

a pimp Yoda is
showing saber skills he does
movie saved it's not

with Ewoks on screen
we should have all seen it then
just the begining

with chain on my neck
body gyrating for Hutt
blue hotness wasted

Young Jabba the Hutt,
when pretty girls call him fat,
wants to chain them up.

The Tusken Raiders
love the sounds that Jawas make
when they tickle them.

Kali said:
A worn caution sign
"Halt! Vagina Dentata!"
Sarlacc feeds tonight...

That is also hilarious!

Thinking of Star Wars
Now always brings me back to
Fan Fiction Friday.

Oh lightsaber boy,
that is no toy. Now stop or
you might lose an arm.

Thanks, Anonymous!
Always nice to have a fan.
Beat that, Jar Jar Binks!

Shot by Solo...
Maybe I can hit him back...
What's the point Greedo?

Here's my tribute to Return of the Jedi:

Twi'lek dancer girl
Too bad about the Rancor
Jabba's such a dick

Speaking of Rancor
Who else felt sorry for its
Poor weeping trainer?

Watching slave Leia
Find myself strangely intrigued
First lesbian crush

i hate star wars nerds
lord of the rings is better
youll never get laid

Yeah, Leia's a whore
Stuck her tongue in deep and hard
Wait... she's my what now?

Lando and Solo
Played cards for the Falcon
Lando was cheated

In kindergarten
I thought Owen was Luke's dad.
He was burned alive.

In the second grade
I got a toy lightsaber.
Life was not same since.

ROTJ was
first film seen in theaters.
It was re-release.

In my third grade year
I drew an X-wing from back
of one kid's T-shirt.

I once saw a toy
Yoda at a Target store.
I regret a no-buy.

Chose Death Star trooper
over Boba Fett figure.
I soon saw mistake.

I sure loved the toys.
Looking back, though, I realize
I shouldn't buy toys.

In my fifth grade year
I saw 'The Phantom Menace'
I left it non-plussed.

'Attack of the Clones'
was better Star Wars to me,
but sand speech sucked hard.

Ninth grade band concert
I came out as Darth Vader
to fight conductor.

Despite above tale,
I left my junior high with
all my dignity.

'Revenge of the Sith'
renewed my love for Star Wars.
At least, half of it.

I obviously
gave the prequels more leeway.
I have no regrets.

People give me shit
for liking Luke more than Han.
I say "Fuck all them."

Han is cool and all,
but back in second grade I
got a lightsaber.

I have no idea
Why Jabba likes human girls
But he's got good taste

There is only one
One true purpose for the force
Masturbatory aid

Finally, my first big break
Irish Jabba in first film
replaced by puppet

Dark Ages in space:
Robed Knights, slave princess, sword fights,
incestuous kisses!

Can't get over it
The time my stormtrooper squad
Torched those poor people

Jedi are like cheese.
Summon bigger fish!
Go read Darths and Droids.

Can robots feel pain?
It screamed when I burnt his feet
This job is fucked up.

Little green muppet
I wished it was my shoulder
you perched on, not Luke's.

Trying to reach cup.
Tears of futility fall.
The Force is not real.

OPEN THE BLAST DOOR!!!
GODDAMMIT...I'M NOT JOKING!!!
He thinks it's a game.

Midichlorians.
Family's strong in the Force.
They are the same thing.

Grammar is correct
His syntax isn't backwards
Yoda's been drinking

No, just the Death Star
Extended warranty, Sir?
Why? What could go wrong?

Oh ray park you fool,
that's not even your real voice
for only three lines.

These are not the droids
you're looking for- you can go
about your business

Never to feel the touch of a woman
the life of a jedi:
Fuck you lucas

Much care is needed
in the use of the lightsaber
to shave a jedi's privates

Darth vader, naive sith
force choke is no big deal
true evil man use crotch crush

Reek, acklay, nexu,
four pillars in arena,
George Lucas missing!

Goodbye Star Wars Kid
You're no longer the lamest
Ep 2 for the win.

please kill george lucas
his old, lightsaber dildo
rapes my poor childhood

ah, loving star wars
or loving having sex, there
can be only one

c3po, love bot, ciberpimp in the heat of tatooine
queen Amidalah secret relieving full-body golden dildo
Anakin was too busy attending ben affleck's acting course

Because even a long time ago
and more so in a galaxy far, and far
English is still the main tongue.

Darth and the farm boy
Rochambeau for Luke's freedom
Lightsaber beats hand

My Favorite scene
Empire, 3po, droid
swear word in alien tounge

Hairy, all over.
Oh, so soft.
Chewie indeed.

Speeder Bike Pilots
Did training on Tattooine
No wonder they're fucked

"Utinni" means "Hi!"
But it also means "LOOK OUT!"
I hate this language.

What is a chance cube?
Isn't that the same as dice?
Shut the fuck up then.

"Mission Accomplished"
Said Tarkin's Death Star banner
But insurgents won

@Kali
I loved your haiku
but work internet is slow
signed, anonymous

Chris Ward is trying to take Patrick out!!!
Nice work

Crimson Guard Secret:
Dude, I am so fucking high
Under this helmet.

Dear Princess Padme,
please ignore Tammy Wynette.
Your man kills babies.

"Godammit, Hamill
What do you mean a car crash?!
I'll write Wampa scene."

Ever notice that
Han grabs Leia's boob after
she's shot in Jedi?

To this day, when Luke
Takes off Daddy Vader's mask--
Still disappointed.

Zuckuss and 4-Lom
You know only their mother
Can tell them apart

Where did he come from?!
Short range fighter headed for--
Oh shit. That's no moon

thanx again T/R
holiday weekend is gone
reading every post

Jedi is for kids,
Or so George Lucas says. Then
Explain Slave Leia.

What's up with Naboo?
Shouldn't their leaders go through
Puberty first, right?

Yoda on Luke's back:
"Strong is the tension in you.
Backrub I will give."

Swoon over Han all
You want. Luke's Empire arms
Were fucking ripped! Yow!

"In this film, a kiss
Is like intercourse." That's what
Irvin Kershner said.

NES Star Wars
That noise that Han's blaster made
Game me mad headaches

Since Menace first screened--
A million nerds cried out and
Haven't been silenced.

The first time I saw
Star Wars, I thought Vader was
A robot. My bad?

Nein Numb is my name
Fucking bitches is my game
(If they like catfish)

When Menace came out,
There was a Best Villain poll.
Maul beat Vader! LAME.

Scruffy Nerfherder
GROWLOL! GROWLOL! GROWLOL! GROWLOL! GROWLOL! GROWLOL! GROWLOL!
Laugh it up, fuzzball

When I was 10
The Bounty Hunter subplot
Too hard to follow

Sith deleted scene:
Jar Jar falls down Sarlacc pit.
Fanservice! "Yippeee!"

Not a day goes by
That George Lucas doesn't think
"How can I make more"

I told the rancor
that id like to eat Oola
he was too literal

Lando's fashion sense
Ahead of its time, for sure.
Capes haven't caught on.

one retarded phrase
ruined all my childhood dreams
"meesa jar jar binks"

God, what is that smell?
Oh no...it's Warwick Davis
We left him in R2!

Actor David Prowse
Is bigger dick in real life
Than real Darth Vader

girls not impressed
by intricate star wars facts
high school was so sad

all real fans know that
in the sarlacc scene in VI
Boba didn't die

Still don't buy Vader
Was good. Maybe I have too
Many dad issues.

45 Dollars?!
For Mon Mothma's autograph?
This convention sucks.

Is it Darth Vader?
Maybe Frankenstein's monster?
Darth used to be cool...

"Got callback today!
Yeah, for some guy named Porkins
Hey...waaait a minute..."

Luke's uncle didn't
Charge me for his autograph.
Nice guy. True story!

The Phantom Menace
Yoda puppet is creepy
As all fucking hell.

'Early Bird Offer'
Kenner sent me cardboard stands
Christmas is ruined

Didn't realize till
Ep II that Amidala
Wasn't her first name.

Honey, how was work?
Hit my helmet on door-frame
Don't think they saw it

Aren't you Cliff Claven?
What are you doing on Hoth?
I love you and Norm!

Imagining Luke
Doing the Joker's cool voice
Always makes me laugh.

In episode VI
Hayden Christiansen is strange
As Anikan's ghost.

Nerd confession time:
People hate Threepio, but
I think he's funny?

blister pack R2
easiest toy to shoplift
so sorry, Kenner

"could be a speeder,
one of ours" 'NO." fuck that guy
Han should have slapped him

Star Wars: A New Hope,
Everyone needs a red shirt,
Fat X-Wing Pilots.

Suicide Mission -
Who would agree to lead that?
General Solo.

Great, that’s all we need:
Alderanian Princess;
Funny, don’t look it.

http://www.starwars.com/games/playnow/soundboards/?t=06

Try making a haiku out of this....

Holiday Special
Father would not let me watch
Must send thank you card

David Prowse Darth Vader
Not whiny emo manbitch
Hayden Christiansen

George Lucas take note
Darth Vader says not "Yippeee"
Stupid Phantom Menace

Boba Fett is lame
screw all your books and novels
get a life fanboys

Friday Fan Fiction
Han Solo buggers Greedo
See if Han shoots first

Holiday Special
Make Santa Claus and Jesus
vomit with rage

only two there are?
you need to get more people
stupid fucking Sith

Oh man George Lucas
Star Wars the best thing ever
Prequels fucked that up

Lucas took a crap,
Then he slapped Star Wars on it.
It's Phantom Menace.

Cool! all new effects!
Storm troops ride lizards now.
Greedo just shot first?

Not like the sand there.
Amidala is so smooth.
God, thats so creepy.

He slaughtered them all.
the women and children too.
Anikins such a scamp.

Know what this scene needs?
A CGI dance number?
George's got you covered.

Hans about to freeze.
Leia says that she loves him.
"I know." He's bad ass.

Porkins is so fat
No, there is no more joke here.
He's just really fat.

Not hot, just so-so
Leia's the only girl there
Bet Han stepped out lots.

Coked Carrie Fisher
Wookie Porn and Bea Arthur
Jefferson StarShip

Jedi celibates?
Keep your younglings on a leash!
Much too much man-love.

I knew it wasn't dreamed
though classmates called me liar.
The "Special" wasn't.

stand around silent
I do not do a damn thing
why am I so cool?

Ganner Rhysode knows
No Yuuzhan Vong shall pass him.
Die now with honour.

Lucas made Star Wars
Prequel films were not as good
Get over it dork

Better one:

Lucas made Star Wars
Prequel films were not as good
No one was raped, fool

You're telling me that
the great Darth Vader was that
lame ass "Annie"!? FUCK!

Mesa Jar Jar Binks
Rasta toad slash fish thingie
Lucas, were you high?

General Grievous
4 lightsabres and still lost?
Now don't blame your cough!

Han might have shot first
Indy shot the sword bad guy
yet Ford killed no one.

Leia needs a bra
She made out with her brother!?
Lucas, you sick fuck!

I hate the Gungans
the Ewoks were sucky too
Chewie...fucking cool!

Vader chokes people
Emperor casts Thundaga
Luke what can you do?

"Holiday Special?"
Yes; "special" euphemizes
"Short-bus retarded."

T K 4 2 1!
Why are you not at your post?
Hey, do you copy?

This may smell bad, kid,
but it ought to keep you warm--
BLARGH ARGH GUKK BLARGH BLEHHHH.

You got a lot of
guts showing up here after
what you pulled. J/K!

How does Sarlacc feed
when not being tended by
Hutt crime lords for kicks?

Many Bothans died
bringing us this intel, so
stop laughing, jackass.

(For the completist,
Splinter of the Mind's Eye has
incest aplenty.)

Leia on Cocaine
Crazy dance intermission
The Wookie Life Day

First look at Boba
Star Wars Holiday Special
So bad but so good

Cheesy as all Hell
Why do I watch this again
Oh yeah, I'm high man.

Execute Order
Sixty-six, but don't kill the
marketable ones.

star wars holiday
special, jefferson starship
leia sings with them

WHAT?

Over confidence
Is your weakness, and your faith
In your friends is yours

I will win the shirt.
you will not win any shirt.
stupid jedi trick!

The Prequels suck ass
Masters of Teras Kasi
makes Jar Jar look good

Chewwy and Han know
Not to tell them about it
RAAROARAROOOOARAR

Every party
Has a pooper, thats why we
Invited Weequay!

Alderaan: Help us!
You may fire when ready
Big laser! KABOOM!

*Beep* *Beep* Well who's they?
Whats an aluminum falcon?!
*Beep* *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

Limited to beeps
With a straight man who is gay
R2 brought the wit

Why Ewoks, you say?
Three feet less expensive than
Seven foot Wookies

These are not the droids
[Jedi mind trick wave of hand]
You are looking for

Metal bikini
Flutters as she swings across
DVD pause: YES!!!

Oh, my sweet Rancor
My pet, how I grieve your death
Remove skulls next time

Gee, thanks a lot, Rob
Can't think outside of rhythm
Five seven five....... Fuck!

Another Haiku?
And about Stars Wars this time?
Hmmm... I'm really stumped.

Crap, I suck at haikus. I just discovered that what I wrote wasn't a haiku at all. Let me try again.

Jedi are like cheese
and they summon bigger fish.
Go read Darths and Droids!

Admiral Motti-
His lack of faith disturbing...
Sweet hypoxia.

------------------

Tee Kay Four Two One
Why are you not at your post?
Luke stole my codpiece...

------------------

Dear Uncle Owen
Why did I argue with you?
Now you are bacon.

From that day forward
Luke could never again eat
Fried wings, nor blue milk.

useless is this post
i drank lots of malt liqour
youporn here i come

This bloodless slaughter
with ten digit body count
But not one damn nipple?!?

Child's toys long gone
E-bay can't sate that hunger
Yet still I buy more.

But all's forgiven
When I hear those first few bars.
Thanks, George, for everything.

and this one...

"Jedi celibates?
Keep your younglings on a leash!
Much too much man-love."

was accidentally submitted as anonymous, but it was mine, too...must take blame where blame is due.

Leia never shaved
Her bush- fuzzy as Chewbacca
That's why Han loved her

Blue milk tastes of tears
Dinner never smelled this bad
Owen's brain's showing.

A long time ago
In a galaxy far,far
away Star Wars, it

Is a period
Of Civil War, Rebel Space-
Ships striking from a

Hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Galactic

Empire. During the
Battle, rebel spies manage
to steal secret plans

to the Empire's
Ultimate Weapon, the Death
Star, an armored space-

Station with enough
Power to destroy an en-
tire Planet. Pursued

By the Empire's
Sinister agents, Princess
Leia races home

Aboard her starship
Custodian of the stolen
plans that can save her

People and restore,
Freedom to the Galaxy...
Ep. IV: A New Hope

Snake in the food?
however, for the Jedi
time to eat as well..

Who is more foolish?
The fool, he asked solemnly
or he who follows?

Dun dun dun dun-dun
DUN dun DUN-duuuuun, dun dun dun
DUN-dun dun DUN dun-duuuuun!

(the theme of the Empire)

Lekku turn me on
twi'leks not togruta please
ryloth vacation

As I discovered,
When watching Phantom Menace,
Sober is a curse.

Bene Gesserit
are better then the Jedi
why? cause i say so.

There is no bacon
in Star Wars; I am depressed.
Ergo, Star Trek wins.

MMM! Cannot repel
flavor of that magni
-tude. It's a trap!

Fish verses Death Star,
Was there ever any doubt...
Radmiral Ackbar!

Thank you George Lucas.
This film I'd camped out days for?!?
The Phantom Fuck-up.

Kissing the Princess
Luke, you fool, she's your sister
Don't get cocky, kid

Deep within Bespin
Darth Vader maims distraught Luke
"Who's your daddy, bitch?"

Who cares when Han shot
I'm a lot more pissed off by
Midichlorians

Watto and his slave
Soft music and sweet blue wine
Virgin birth my ass

Fett is still The Man
Kicking ass and taking names
Even at eighty

I just love Gungans
No matter what others say
Tastes just like chicken

Prissy 3PO
Biggest bitch on Coruscant
R2 is his pimp

Adorning my desk
Seven bounty hunter toys
My Boba fetish

Doc

Toshi Station have
No refund policy for
Power Converters

Hayden Christensen.
And we thought Hamill was bad
in Jedi. Shame on us.

Hayden Christensen.
We thought Hamill was bad in
Jedi. Shame on us.

Maybe i should have
watched the movies in question
i guess i give in

Star Wars M.M.O.
The Old Republic, I'll play
W.o.W gets deleted

Hand waves in the air,
'These are not the droids,' he says,
Move along, old man.

Malakili sobs,
'Do Rancors go to heaven?'
Buy a shirt, fat-ass!

A long, long, time ago...
Bye bye Miss Tatooine pie,
R.I.P Max Rebo

Watching Padme die
A cold, mangled, canon corpse
Of my childhood dreams

On Pollis Massa,
Creepy Chroon-Tan B-Machine,
Oobah! Oobah! Ick...

------------------------------

Think Geek Overlords,
I can has sleeping bag pleez?
April fools, fucker!

Even more troubling
Is that the sarlaac pit
Kind of turns me on

Please george sell out more
Let someone else make some more
fans will love you more

a happy giant
white fields; wreckless abandon
tied feet, my undoing

Holiday Special
Old wookie Itchy watches
Interspecies porn

Malla learns to cook
Lumpy is a devil spawn
Luke wears guy liner

The Phantom Menace
to Return of the Jedi
George got ya money.

A long time ago
When Alderaan still spun 'round
I have the high ground

Everything in Star
Wars is five syllables! Look:
Ewan McGregor

Can count on one hand
Number of characters who
Have never lost limbs

Can count on one hand
Those who never lost a limb
(Yes, pun intended)

Alderaan Boy Scouts
We're prepared for anything
And we mean any- FOOP!

Star wars for the win.
Cylons Borg Daleks Reavers
Cant beat the empire.

"But Uncle Owen!"
"Quiet you griping orphan!
Just leave I don't care!"

No try, there is hmmmmmm?
Powerful ally, the force is yes?
Judge me not by size .

Original Film
Powerful Visage I was
Prequels Made me emo

Original Films
George Lucas was a genius
Now is bat shit crazy

Captain Kirk saved Whales
Han Solo just saved a Wookie
Han Solo is a bitch

Only P. Cushing
could portray Grand Moff Tarkin,
who holds Vader's leash

For more emphasis
No force powers, but he tells
Vader what to do

All this Star Wars Talk
Reminds me of painful truth.
Dead horse, George still beats.

"The Plight of Princess Leia"

Strong and brave leader,
And all they remember is
That damn bikini.

Luke is like a Boss
Hit on Leia. REJECTED.
cant...stop...jizz deeply

Luke is on a boat
an air boat mother fucker
T-pain. Sarlaccs lunch.

Lucas hates his fans
Drove him mad with their fandom
Revenge was prequels

Slave Leia's costume
never fails to give me a
Jabba in my pants

Loved Star Wars so much!
Even collected the cards!
3PO's Boner?

Fett picked up guitar.
Changed his name for Hollywood.
Now: Django Reinhardt.

Just five syllables?
Easiest Star Wars punchline:
"Metachlorian"

Malak rocks the house!
Darth Revan is pure kick-ass!
Bandon... not so much.

The Skywalker clan
why are such assholes
always the hero?

Rob has sifted through
Thousands of Star Wars haikus.
What a masochist.

T'was Greedo shot first
Master Yoda, you seek, hrmm?
Force be with with you, dude.

Ewoks saved us all
From the forces of evil
Apparently. Right?

Chris Ward said:

Can robots feel pain?
It screamed when I burnt his feet
This job is fucked up.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This guy deserves a shirt.
Fucking awesome, Chris.

Well, my darling wife, who's Japanese, told me that traditional haiku should contain the 5/7/5 style, plus mention something about a season (actually, when I asked her about 'proper' haiku, she just said "I fucking hate haiku, why?" but I digress). Anyway I figured I'd try it out, even if it isn't nearly as classic as the other entries....

Eternal summer
Scorching sands of Tatooine
Are not soft like you.

Snow freezing my skin
Worse is the chill in my spine
Imperial Walkers!

Don't go see old Ben
Queer as a three dollar bill
Let him fuck Jawas.

(just a little retort to patrick's little slur on jim kirk)

Ahem. To Patrick:
Ha! You make me laugh. Solo
wouldn't stand a chance.

Cos-play Slave Leia
Body like Jabba, dog face
Makes me feel my force

Lucas should have quit
but Dollar signs in his eyes
ruined it forever

Lando Calrissian
Funky bad ass space pimp yo!
I am not racist

Great Pit of Carkoon
and Several thousand years
the sarlacc will eat you

a lot of nerds
discuss a hell of a lot
that is not cannon

Imps have Brit accents
Even when that galaxy
Has not a Britain

Kirk makes it seem work
To deliver what Han makes
Into sweet mouth love

Long time ago? Check.
Galaxy far away? Check.
Sign me up, Space Man!

As Vader muses
"Discontent is my winter."
Spinning through deep space

"Colorful wildlife"
"Endor both quiet, discrete"
Said the damn brochure

They're on Dantooine
I disagree with Leia
Circle gets the square

Who needs fake ID?
Dad left his orange shoulder pad
Let's get into bars

Sure, the force is strong
Got my X-Wing out of swamp
But seat is still wet

"Ain't like dusting crops?"
Have you ever dusted crops?
Shut the fuck up then

Green pig in a pit
Desperately hopes and prays that
Rancor is Jewish

Is Leia pregnant?
No...Negative, negative
It didn't go in

"Your sorcerer's ways
Don't frighten me Lord Vader"
Oh really, ass clown?

Been to Choke E. Cheese?
How 'bout some Choke-a Cola?
Or a knock-knock Choke?

You two, cut it out!
Motti and Vader...shake hands.
What a fiasco

When Binks stepped in poop
The 8 year old next to me
Couldn't stop laughing

in the immortal words of yoda. disturbance in force sense i do for lucas brain is through orginal triology good was but sequals it lead to with evil intent jar jar was born then anikin vader did come and lucas is laughing to the bank all the way since stars wars its death he has kept away.

Who else remembers
That ad with Colonel Sanders
Wielding Lightsaber?

demoncat wins.

BUILD A BIG ROBOT!
oh, a tiny exhaust port?
I guess that works, too.

Ponda Baba's mouth
Perpetually birthing
Someone's breech baby

Han in the carbon
Silently screaming
I'm going somewhere sunny

Yoda haiku

When old you have grown
look good as me you will not
Jedi master I

Power in you I sense
Resist the dark side you must
or lost you will be

Train with me you must
So Jedi Knight you might be
Then Vader you fight

At seven years old
Ewoks were acceptable
But now I hate them.

That cantina band:
Artistic differences
Ruined everything.

I guess it's racist
But I wouldn't want Jawas
Moving in next door.

Remember the name
of that last bounty hunter?
I always forget.

It's always bugged me:
Where does the dianoga
Sneak off on trash day?

Force can move objects
Fear controls the galaxy
Faith destroys empire

Let us remember
Who voted for the clone army
Jar Jar is the devil

Bactine solution.
Luke floating in a diaper.
His package is small.

C3PO Golden Robot
Memory wiped once too many
repair Vader should

"Ain't like dusting crops?"
How the hell should I know? I'm
a moisture farmer.

Ass-kicking Wookiee,
with a droid strapped to his back.
Who rules Bespin Town?

Dinner guest builds droids.
"Wow. Protocol? Astromech?"
"Assassin." … awkward.

Jabba's elite guards:
Blasters or detonators?
Nah. Axes are fine.

Star Wars universe:
Where each planet has only
one environment.

Always two there are:
Master and an Apprentice
…or three. Maybe four.

Well, Lobot, you're hired.
Now hold still while we graft on
these cyborg earmuffs.

Looks like all trees, sir.
Ah! Deploy the speeder bikes!
…I did say "all trees?"

Agghh! No more haikus.
Must go get a life. Oh wait,
I'm a Star Wars fan.

i hope you have fun reading
all of this because i believe
there are ohh soo many

You let geeks Haiku
About Star Wars, no limits...
Foolish, this was, hmm?

The main rule in life,
peace is a lie, say the sith,
there is only passion!

"boba fett? Boba
fett? Where?" "Ee-aah-ohh-arghh-ughh-
ahhhh-urghhhh-ehhhh..." THUNK! Burp.

Sorry if anyone beat me to that one.

CGI nightmare
George sold his soul for effects
Kiss his script good-bye

Anakin can't act
Wooden wife dies of nothing
Ben ages too fast

Remember your mom?
Not likely when she was dead
And Smits does not tell

Midichlorians
Should go to the same places
As old Lobot's hair

Pointless Wookie scene
No need to bring in the Fetts
Yet no baby Wedge?

Woo ha that got him
Bad writing for minor reb
But he's on Endor

Jabba the Hutt's chub
Stuffed in Slave Leia ass
The Humanity!

George, should we cut?
I hit my head on the door.
No? Really? Okay.

Gungans are pussies
At least the damned Ewoks tried
Eating Han Solo.

George, should we cut film?
I hit my head on the door.
No? Really? Okay.

Ancient leper frog
Yoda, a Kermit with AIDS:
No doubt, Luke doubted.

They call me Lobot
Wordlessly watching the clouds
I love you, Lando

Oh wow. I have a file of about fifty of these I wrote some years back. Perhaps I should limit myself to a couple dozen or so.

Ysalamiri:
For when you need a living,
Breathing plot device.

Chief Chirpa taught Han
How to steal Leia's heart: the
Endor Butterfly.

Ki-Adi-Mundi,
Mac Daddy of the Jedi.
The man's got five wives!

Oh, why did I buy
All that new upholstery?
Wookiee fur itches.

These buns both look good
And are practical. They get
AM and FM.

Spring on Mustafar,
When all the red gives way to...
Well, it's all still red.

Carbonite freezing
Has some minor side effects.
Forget tasting food.

When Fett told Vader,
"As you wish," what he really
Meant was, "I love you."

He laughs at danger.
He laughs at enemy threats.
Boss Nass laughs too much.

Meesa wonderin'
Whysa you think meesa dumb?
Meesa PhD.

Crave not these three things:
Anger, fear, and aggression.
The Dark Side are they.

"If Threepio says
His hovercraft's full of eels
One more time, blast him."

Mace Windu, Jedi.
He is one bad Master... "Hey!"
Just talkin' 'bout Mace.

No one would say why
Fang Zar's Senate nickname was
"Slippery When Wet."

The Emperor's Hand.
Mara lucked out compared to
The Emperor's Spleen.

Death Star: Destroyer,
Technological terror,
But the rents are low.

Hutts do have sexes;
In fact, they have six of them,
With separate loos.

Lando meant to lose.
Since this one valet parked it,
The Falcon just reeked.

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah,
Zip-a-dee-ay! Jedi are
Gonna die today!

The Force has three sides:
Light Side, Dark Side, and Far Side.
Cows are strong in that.

Darth Vader had a
Summer job, too, as a clown
At children's parties.

Now that Jabba's dead,
His mob has a new leader:
Salacious the Crumb.

Biggs, Camie, Fixer,
Ten others -- just Luke escaped
From Artoo Voorhees.

Underwear in space?
No, can't have any of that.
None at all, heh, heh.

Kamino's second
Biggest industry's cloning.
The first is surfing.

Chris Ward... Lord of the Ku!

Jesus, Drabbler at the buzzer!

"Chief Chirpa taught Han
How to steal Leia's heart: the
Endor Butterfly."

hilarious. I'm alternately terrified that someone just has, oh, 50 FUCKING STAR WARS HAIKUS just laying about. You know, for a rainy day or a sudden contest requiring that exact thing.

With the blast shield down
Ben...I can't see anything!
*sigh* no shit sherlock

Leg-based vehicles
A child could bring them down
Form over function

Is it ironic
That Spaceballs improved franchise
more than Lucas did?

It never gets old
When a stormtrooper gets shot
And Wilhelm Scream plays

School is starting up
Contest gets a low turn out
They will be back Rob.

Just in from D*C. Will being 20 minutes late knock me out?

Why is the best shot
a diplomat? It doesn't
make sense. Or does it?

Oh Cindel, Cindel.
It's your fault your family's dead.
Mom, Dad, Mace...your fault.

"It's a Trap!" he wailed,
The revelation of a
Mon Calamari

A droid that's built for
Human cyborg relations
Should not compute odds

Often overlooked,
The Rebel's unsung hero
Nien Nunb saves the day

The prequels problems
Can be summed up in three words:
Boonta Eve Classic

You just watch yourself
Death sentence on twelve systems
I'll ruin your shit

Old hunk of junk makes
Kessel Run in twelve parsecs
Chewie punched it hard

That was quite the deal
To keep the empire out
You old pirate, you

Han was right to think
They smelt bad on the outside
It's Hoth cold out here

"Let the wookie win,"
Wise words, but not as wise as
Jar Jar's banishment.

Check the galaxy's
Hottest new dance sensation
The wampa stompa

OK... on mere technicality, and the fact that it's a holiday, will you accept a late response... considering it was never said when the cutoff time was?

Please?

Well... here's what I got anyway...

Visit Alderaan
For a romantic retreat!
Oh wait. Never mind.

Obi-Wan winces,
In pain from millions dying?
No, just a migraine.

Who is Mara Jade?
The extended universe
Had begun with her.

Solo Dynasty
All the kids born into it,
Doomed to the dark side.

Looking at Leia,
I tend to crave Cinnabon.
Mall food-court hairstyle.

In order to serve
The young girls demographic,
They gave us Ewoks.

God help all of us
If they make plus size costumes
Of Slave Girl Leia.

Spring night, Ninety-Nine.
Excitement turned to horror.
Wept myself to sleep.

Fifty novel covers,
Yet Han and Leia don’t age
Spanning twenty years.

“Red two, standing by.”
With those words, Wedge Antilles
Stole my teenage heart.

Stuck in carbonite,
Leia could only show love
By dry-humping Han.

Creative kissing
Of Mon-Mothma and Ackbar.
A strange kind of love.

My favorite books?
Written by Aaron Allston.
Can’t he write them all?

Damn you, Anderson!
It is because of you
We got stuck with Kyp.

How sad is it when
Weird Al’s “The Saga Begins”
Is ten times better?

Rewind, play, rewind...
No matter how many times,
Still can’t find the spud.

Padme and Sabe...
It seems the Queen’s box office
Just can’t beat Keira’s.

To cure my hiccups,
I just picture in my mind
Hot, raw Wookiee sex.

While at the Hoth Zoo,
I stopped to read the warning:
“Don’t taunt the taun-tauns.”

A sibling contest -
Who could list the most planets?
Little sister won!

My junior high crush
Was reading Zahn. “I am, too!”
He was not impressed.

Resourceful mothers.
Garage sales; Star Wars toys sold.
Years later, grown men weep.

KB Toys, searching.
The elusive white Leia
Not found in sale bins.

Degobah System
Where I'm setting a course to
Learn from the Jedi

forgot to add my name to my entries. ah well

Movies Are Canon
Expanded Universe Hurts
Fan Fiction In Print

fighting with chewie
a game of circle jerking
let the wookie win

I am your father!
You perv. You kissed your sister?
Give that man a hand!

Right with you, Red Three...
Porkins should have ejected,
That stupid fat fuck

The new fans might ask;
Is it wrong to like Jar-jar?
Yes, unless you're ten.

One more:

After the Clone Wars
I think I can safely say;
Fanfilms are better

solo fucks the tree
chewie smokes its roots and twigs
oh oh green semen!

good, noble tauntaun
innards like congealed ramen
takes one for the team

@Quixoto

You sir, are awesome.
You are totally for win
Congrats in advance.

That is not a moon,
that is a space ship, Han Solo.
Should you be flying?

Sorry, Q, but Kench TOTALLY just won. My heart, and probably a t-shirt.
Should've kept reading. :S

A long time ago,
In a weekend far away,
Haiku Contest starts.