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Fan Fiction Friday: The Cast of Earthbound in “Deathbound”


You don’t have to be a fan of the Nintendo cult-favorite RPG series Earthbound to be horrified by today’s installment of Fan Fiction Friday. Indeed, I’ve never played a minute of the beloved videogames, and yet I’ve already clawed out one of my eyes and eaten it, and am only waiting to finish this post before I follow up with the other one. All you need to know is that Earthbound stars four kids destined to save the world (as per usual), and they include from left-to-right:
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The martial artist Poo, the brilliant Jeff, the token chick Paula, and affable star Ness. If you think that their tiny SNES sprites appear to be very young, well… you’re right.

The party threw their collective bags into a dusty corner of their
hotel room in the blistering hot town of Scaraba. Poo was the first to
wipe the river of sweat flowing from his forehead, still not quite
adjusted to the heat after his life in Dalaam. The other teenagers
followed suit, first Ness using his red hat to soak up his, then Jeff
with a uniform sleeve, and finally Paula with the edge of her skirt.
She knew full well the panty flash she was giving the boys, but the
heat clouded her thinking too severely. She let out a sigh as she fixed
her dress back the way it was and found at least Ness and Jeff ready
for another night of frenzied passion in a too early desert afternoon.

Ness and Jeff didn’t waste any time in making their intentions plainly
known to Paula, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping their blue and green
shorts respectively to reveal their tightening briefs. Paula simply
smiled at the sight, so used to finding her fellow thirteen-year-old
friends always ready for sex at the slightest provocation. Poo edged
away from the trio, his culture shock turning from curiosity to
uncomfortable tension, toward one of the beds in the room. Jeff looked
over his shoulder to find the bald teen reeling away and decided it
wouldn’t be beneficial to not work as one so early in their journey.
Silently, Ness approached Paula and Jeff moved to Poo, both aggressors
letting their eagerness shine in their eyes as they moved.

We should probably thank heaven that author Avataboo at least aged them up to 13, but I’d really rather just punch him. Alas, underage sex is only the tip of this horribly perverse iceberg. Now remember, this is the week for FFF to hurt, and man, this one hurts bad. You’ve been warned.



Clearly, we’re starting with an underage sex orgy. I’m sure many of you find this pretty ho-hum for FFF, but rest assured there’s more awfulness to come (no pun).

Poo’s training couldn’t kick in fast enough to keep his nervous legs
steady as Jeff shoved him onto the plain off-white bed behind him. Ness
wasn’t willing to wait either, as he took the blonde girl by the arms
and quickly threw her to join the new member of the party on the rough
bed. As the bald teen’s head hit the pillow, Paula found herself almost
beside him. She laughed dangerously close to manically as she impacted
the mattress with a thud, her white panties already beginning to soak
with more than just sweat. The teens gasped; one in pleasant surprise
and the other in terror, as Ness and Jeff pinned Paula and Poo’s arms
to their sides with force.

Ness was the first to move into a full kiss with Paula before Jeff
could do the same to Poo, quickly letting his tongue free to taste the
sweat that covered the girl’s lip and the stress of battle on her
tongue. Poo was far less willing to open his anxieties for Jeff’s
tongue to soothe, much to the younger boy’s dismay. Jeff could still
feel the knots Poo’s muscles were tied in as he ground his smaller
undeveloped chest against the large toned one underneath. Ness
continued to progress faster than his friend did, almost tearing off
his and Paula’s underwear to reveal both their genitals just barely
pubescent and ready for sex. Jeff had more trouble getting his briefs
off with one hand holding down Poo and further difficulty trying to
pull the white fabric off and over Poo’s seventeen-year-old almost
manhood. Despite the trouble, Jeff found the bald teen inside his
intestines as Ness found his own way into Paula’s vagina.

Poo, if you’re in Jeff’s intestines, your penis made a seriously wrong turn somewhere.

Ness’ voice cracked between high and low pitch as he felt the girl
beneath him tighten around his shaft. Jeff suppressed a yell with grit
teeth as he stretched himself far more than he was used to with Poo’s
first of many penetrations. Jeff came first before the other three were
even close to done, the only cock not yet affected by puberty letting
its small tense load loose from a three inch shaft just from the
excitement of feeling someone easily twice Ness’ size inside him. Ness
followed, the desert heat heightening his urgency to cum inside the
vice grip Paula called a pussy. Paula was up next with her orgasm,
further soaking herself and the bed in more of her own fluids. Finally,
Poo couldn’t hold his princely composure any longer against Jeff’s slow
bobbing up on down his seven inches and released himself deep within a
boy he had just met hours before.

“Vice grip Paula called a pussy”? Now I feel stupid. I call my vice grip Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin, which doesn’t do me a lick of good when I fuck it.

A quartet of gasps were left lingering in the plain room as the
exhausted but refreshed teens left the hotel, ready again for combat.
The group silently resumed their fated quest, moving south from Scaraba
into the vast midday desert sands.

It was the worst decision they made since first letting their hormones out.

But not worse than writing erotic fan fiction about underage SNES characters, right? Of course not.

The hot sands were far harsher than the scorching pavement and cool
caves they had been used to. In less than a mile out, everyone wished
they hadn’t left the hotel when they did. Ness found that he was just
as wiped and not nearly as horny as he did when he first arrived in the
desert town. Jeff couldn’t rack his brain to invent a solution to the
heat fast enough from the broken machinery he lugged along. Paula
couldn’t focus her thoughts on any of her natural psychic powers. Poo’s
training and stoic nature worked against the sensible course of asking
for help in this dire strait. While the teens struggled just to keep
the sand from their eyes and socks, a high-class UFO trailed secretly
behind looking for the right moment.

Ness didn’t even feel the burn as a laser melted through the back of
his skull, vaporized half his mind, and boiled his eye out of its
socket to exit out the other end in a clean shot.

Jeff could only turn around before the second beam fired from the UFO
hit just underneath his upper jaw. Shocked to unconsciousness, the
blond didn’t try to stop the unhindered lashing of his tongue as a
surge of blood spewed from the open wound nor catch himself as he fell
face first into the burning yellow sands.

Paula let out a scream as she saw Jeff begin to die. She looked to the
red UFO in panic to see it let out another shot of concentrated light.
The teenage girl felt herself rise from the ground in slow motion as
the laser destroyed her heart in a fraction of a second.

All of Poo’s training was useless as a desperate reaction of flying
fists and feet missed their target. His twisting and turning only let
the fourth shot run through both his lungs, blooding the bald teens’
last gasp for air.

The UFO flew away as fast and as quietly as it came and looked for
another set of victims as it had been for weeks now. Three-fourths of
the teens were dead and Jeff was a quarter of the way there.

I’m reasonably sure this doesn’t happen in the game. Fee free to correct me if I’m wrong, Earthbound fans who aren’t vomiting and crying hysterically at the same time.

Hours passed, nightfall turned the desert a midnight blue, and no one
came for the bodies of the group destined to save the world.

Oh, I’m sorry. You thought it was finished after the horrible sex scene and their brutally graphic deaths? Oh no no no no!

Fate did not like being called a faulty mistress and Ness was the first
to rise again. The dead teen shuddered as his quivering hand moved
around his new blind side, the fingertips felt around the hole of flesh
that had been the right side of his face. Paula got up and began to
weep in pain, burying herself in her arms and legs as bits of tissue
fell loose from the hole where her heart had been. Poo rose slowly on
hands and knees as he struggled to breathe, not yet aware the futility
of him without lungs to power it. Jeff was on his feet with a garble
and gargle of blood erupting from his throat, trying to ask what was
going on.

All four felt a crippling stress upon them and quickly retreated to the tried and true method of sating it.

OH NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Paula looked to Poo to check on how he was doing and found a heart
beating in love for her alone. Ness looked to Jeff in concern and found
a sagging red tongue begging to feel naked flesh. Still not quite
believing in death, they shambled towards one another in a crude
stereotype and were more than ready to let the sudden tension in them
out through badly needed sex.

Last chance to flee, people.

Ness reached Jeff first, since having a heart that acts like it is
pumping gave him an advantage over Paula. The teen nearly ripped his
striped shirt off to keep it out of the way of Jeff’s lolling tongue
and relished the feeling of copious blood mixed with saliva on his
developing abdomen, and erect nipples. Ness’ remaining eyelid was
caught in a half closed look of lust as he felt his shorts tighten with
rigormortis. One gnarled hand pulled his shorts and briefs down while
the other pressed down on what remained of Jeff’s skull, putting all
his leftover might into feeling his friends tongue on his perpetually
almost fully pubescent cock one more time. Ness moaned in delight and
tilted his head back once the wet appendage sloppily grazed his five
inches while his surviving chunk of brain fell through the fresh laser
hole and hit the dark sand with a splat.

Yes, it’s underage necrophilia! Wheee! Wait a second. Is it necrophilia if everyone’s dead? 

Paula couldn’t decide what she wanted her hands around more, the new
member’s open heart or concealed cock. Poo tried to shamble away again,
still not used to his new way and lack of life. The tension of death
didn’t help him escape any better and he soon fell into the nighttime
black sands with his back taking most of the impact’s force. Paula
willingly followed him to the ground with a toothy grin of victory
plastered on her face. As she landed on Poo with a wet thump, she made
her decision and used her right hand to hold the bald teen’s beating
heart and keep herself up while the left groped eagerly under Poo’s GI
for the large cock that seemed to pleasure Jeff so much. Poo tried to
stifle back a horrified scream as he watched Paula’s hand get messy
with his blood and felt his privates get roughly molested. As Paula
finally wriggled out her prize and pressed it to the cotton of her
underwear, Poo let out a gurgle of a moan with the sandy air flowing
into the remnants of his respiratory system. Paula, simply frustrated
with the formalities, simply pushed her genitals onto Poo’s until the
fabric between them tore open and let them finally meet. She managed a
passionate moan of Poo’s name with one lung as she felt inch after inch
of the bald teen enter her and fill her vagina more than Ness and Jeff
ever could. With pulls and pushes on Poo’s heart, Paula impaled herself
again and again on the organ she forced in.

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Oh, my head exploding would truly be a mercy.

In a pile of worn away tissue and dried old blood, four skeletons in
tattered clothes moved in a frenzy of clattering bones crudely
mimicking every act of sex they preformed in life. Jeff’s pelvic bone
scraped against the back Poo’s larger pelvic bone and the younger
skeleton hated the idea that there was nothing left to penetrate.
Paula’s empty skull dragged itself long Ness’, trying to get the teen’s
scent and moving its way down to the cavity where his abdomen used to
be. Ness furiously masturbated the hot air in front of his crotch,
swearing he felt something for a second. Poo stuffed his own finger
bones between his jaws, trying to stop the screams he wanted to yell.

The stress still wouldn’t leave them.

THE END. That’s it. We have reached everything the author wanted to say, which was underage characters fucking, then getting brutally, graphically murdered, and then their decaying, tattered corpses fucking again. I’m pretty fucking stressed too, because I assume the author is walking the streets and not in some kind of mental institution or prison.

Why? Why, Avataboo? Why? Oh, don’t answer, I’m certain I don’t want to know the answer. However, Avataboo, I would like to wish a swift and painful death upon you, and see how interested you are in sex then. I’m guessing significantly less than Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo.