By Rob Bricken in
Daily Lists, Movies
Thursday, Oct. 8 2009 @ 8:07AM
 |
Let's face it, most horror movies are remembered for their iconic killers, trademark murders, creepy ambiance or number of boobs revealed in an average 90 minutes. Generally, horror movies belong to the young, nubile teenagers and 20-somethings getting hacked and slashed, but what about our elders? Where do they belong in the world of horror, assuming they're not the killers themselves? They're usually relegated to the "crazy" or "mystic know-it-all" camps and we're here to celebrate them. We here at Topless Robot have watched hundreds of hours of horror movies only to compile this list of the absolute nuttiest elderly folks in the history of horror who aren't doing the killing themselves.
10) Mayor Larry Vaughn from Jaws 2
Okay, we can buy the mayor of Amity not buying Chief Brody and Matt Hooper's concerns regarding a shark attack in the original Jaws, but after the events of that first movie, maybe you should start listening to your resident shark-killer hero sheriff, even if it looks like he's just seeing things. You wouldn't want to be responsible for the deaths of even more rich, white New Englanders would you?
9) Mr. Wing from Gremlins
Here's the deal. If you're this big time mystic dude charged with watching over a Mogwai -- a creature capable of spawning inumerable monsters just waiting to destroy small towns and send old ladies through plate glass windows -- maybe, just maybe you shouldn't sell him to a pushy inventor who sucks at his job. Instead, Mr. Wing decides "Screw it" and lays down a few ground rules for Billy's dad. Jesus man, you don't see the guy watching over the nuclear bombs just handing them out to anyone assuming they can follow three "simple" rules.
8) Old Miner from My Bloody Valentine
We like practical jokes as much as the next person, but maybe it's not the best idea to set up an exact replica of the gear that a psycho killer's wearing while killing various townsfolk. We recommend spending less time in the mine and maybe getting some fresh air every now and again old timer.
7) Neighbor Lady from Deadly Friend
It should be a generally accepted principle that being nice is good and being an ass warrants punishment. And sometimes, when you're such an ass to the new neighbor kid, his lady friend and his robot you deserve a head-exploding basketball to the head from the robot/girl hybrid sure to come about in a weird Wes Craven movie like Deadly Friend.
6) Jason Crockett from Frogs
Jason Crockett's an old school kind of guy. He owns this island in the south and has this big July party planned to celebrate his birthday and the birthdays of three other people in his family and NOTHING will get in the way. Including the deaths of several of those family members at the hands...er, claws, of frogs, snakes, birds and other creepy crawly creatures. So steadfast is Crockett that he even refuses to leave his home while his three living family members and Sam Elliott escape as thousands of frogs attack his house. How can this end? Only with Crockett getting attacked, alone and in his wheelchair listening to records, by an army of amphibians who somehow kill him. That's what pride gets you folks, death by frog.
1 | 2
Tags: Horror, Old People
42 comments
Comments
langgam said:
Wait a minute, in Gremlins, didn't the old man refused to sell the mogwai and it was the kid(assistant) who sneaked it out of the store and sold it to Mr. Peltzer?
JOE said:
You have all my favorite old people. Awesome. I seriously though Deadly Friend was going to be missed, even though it has one of the greatest kills in Wes Craven's filmography, and I completely forgot about Silent Night Deadly Night, even though Gramps definately deserves the number one spot.
One small correction. In Gremlins, it was the grandson that sold him the mogwaii behind the old man's back. Gramps didn't want to sell the creature to Mr. Peltzer.
rosewater said:
what about judd from pet semetery? he was wrapped up in all kinds of crazy shit, what with all the undead kids and indian burial grounds and whatnot.
edc said:
Yeah, the old man in Gremlins refused to sell the Mogwai, the kid sold it out from under him. How can you not know that?
jeffers3000 said:
Did that kid from troll 2 have any lines other than "Grandpa Seth!"
bort said:
Basketball making a head explode FTW! That was his followup to Nightmare on Elm St.
Hancock said:
What about the old man from Christine?
Bunche said:
If I remember correctly, Betty White's character is very much alive and well at the end of LAKE PLACID, and is last seen feeding a number of the killer croc's babies.
And your choice for #1 could not have been better. "You see Santy Claus, you better run, boy! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!" Best Christmas movie ever.
steeveedee said:
There was a creepy movie made in 1974 called "Homebodies" in which a group of seniors take matters into their own hands after being evicted from their apartment building. Crazy old folks getting even as only they can. Great stuff! I think you can see a lot of it on YouTube.
J.H. said:
No love for Granpa from The Lost Boys?
I mean he knowingly lets his family move to a vampire infested city and doesn't bother to tell them!
demoncat said:
this list proves that ones who know that the killer is coming around prove how stupid the other characters are in the films and glad to see the crazy granpa from silent night deadly nigh ton the list for that guy helped make the killer the way he is int he film. and in gremlins it was the grandson who sold gizmo to ray for the grandfather refused
JayWicky said:
langgam and edc said it first : the Gremlins old chinese did *not* sell the Mogwai to Billy's dad. In the current vernacular, that qualifies as an Epic Fail, sorry.
doc_ock_4mugen said:
Just by having crazy Betty White makes this list awesome...
Forte said:
What? No Crazy Mrs. Paley from Cube 2: Hypercube?
JOE said:
Does Haggis, the old witch from Pumpkinhead, count? She does raise him which, I guess, makes her complicent in the killins'
715 said:
Yeah Betty White lived at the end, taking care of little baby gators
Kevin said:
NILBOG is GOBLIN spelled backwards!
That has to be the best line from Troll 2.
Roswellianism said:
Where's Mr Futterman from "Gremlins?"
I call shenanigans!!
...ooh, but then, he might not apply to the rules of the list because he only SEEMED crazy during the first part of the movie.
...then he was attacked and had a breakdown.
...then he came back in the sequel and was pissed.
...damn.
Megiddo said:
@Forte
Holy crap, they made a sequel to Cube?
Gareth said:
"Yeah, the old man in Gremlins refused to sell the Mogwai, the kid sold it out from under him. How can you not know that?"
Yeah, but still. It's like going to the local hardware store and the owner has a live nuke on display. Said owner doesn't fear theft or liquidation though not wanting to part with his possibly apocalyptic showpiece. But his nephew sells it to you because he's not sure why the old man is so partial to it.
I hold old man Wing responsible for the entire fiasco that happened to that town.
TrapJaw said:
Yes, no Gramps from the Lost Boys and no Mr. Futterman from Gremlins
nightcrawler666 said:
How about the sad, sad film with Joan Crawford as the axe murderer when she was waaaayyy over the hill. It might have been like her last film.
TrapJaw said:
Er, to finish the statement that I began before I discovered my basement is flooding...
"Yes, no Gramps from the Lost Boys and no Mr. Futterman from Gremlins on the list makes it highly dubious."
Now back to bailing!
Poopenshaft said:
Great list, but you missed the preacher from Dead Alive. He kicks ass for the lord!
yIntagh said:
"never made it through a whole GGW"
LOL
GeekSexy said:
I'm sorry, but leaving out the old man/cook from 'The Texas Chain Saw Massacre' and it's sequel pretty much makes this list null and void. Hell, you don't even have to be a movie buff to know who that crazy S.O.B. is and you don't get much crazier than that!
adam said:
what about the old lady driving the chicken truck from "last house on the left?" That is one crazy old lady. If we aren't splitting hairs the cackling woman from the bathtub scene in "the shining." Granted, it is a hallucination AND its only thirty seconds long.
Adam said:
What about Baby Jane? C'mon!
GeekSexy said:
...and before anyone says, "Well, he doesn't count because he was one of the killers." He most definitely was not. The 'hitchhiker' even says, "You're just the cook" and the old man himself proclaims that he's never had the stomach to be a killer. Much like Betty White's character from Lake Placid, he didn't do the killing, but he did his best to help the killer out.
line1 said:
Hey...wait a minute. You don't have Captain Spaulding or Otis B. Driftwood from House of a 1000 Corpses?! They were fucking crazy old timers.
korg20000bc said:
Grandapa from Terrorvision was out there too.
Fun list
Snoodle said:
Heh. Whenever I see Betty White I think of that lovely ball of crazy she played on Boston Legal for awhile.
Mr Shrubber said:
Whither Sheila Keith (look her up)? She could fill this list all on her own.
Also, Father McGruder (Dead Alive) seconded.
wingdarkness said:
Pretty slow week huh Rob? *_*
Brian @ Work said:
How about The King from Bubba Ho-Tep?
Robb said:
No Tall Man from Phantasm, really??? Come on...and what about Grandpa from TCM?
BoredLizzie said:
I liked this list! TR needs to show more love for horror movies. The creepy old grandpa from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is my #1
Old Fart @ Play said:
Yes for grand dad in the Lost Boys! Both the King and the black JFK in Bubbahotep! Betty White was a classic in Lake Placid. Her line "Is this the time when I tell you that if I had a dick you can suck it?" was great. Also missed was John Carradine's crazy old man werewolf in the Howling. All in all a good list.
Forte said:
@Megiddo
Yarp! Cube2: Hypercube and Cube Zero (a prequel to Cube). I highly recommend both. Hypercube doesn't have as many nasty traps, but it deals with alternate reality, time displacement and paradoxes.
Mrs. Paley is a senile drone for most of the movie but plays an important part. Hence my confusion why she's not here. :)
Wyngarde said:
AWESOME LIST!
Honorable Mention: The crazy grandpa from "Terrorvision" who insisted we could all survive a holocaust by eating re-growable lizard tails.
blood &metal said:
wtf..how can jasons mom from friday the 13th not be number 1..she was the killer in the first one..this list is bullshit..
muthu said:
yes im quite agree with this article.
