Let's face it, most horror movies are remembered for their iconic killers, trademark murders, creepy ambiance or number of boobs revealed in an average 90 minutes. Generally, horror movies belong to the young, nubile teenagers and 20-somethings getting hacked and slashed, but what about our elders? Where do they belong in the world of horror, assuming they're not the killers themselves? They're usually relegated to the "crazy" or "mystic know-it-all" camps and we're here to celebrate them. We here at Topless Robot have watched hundreds of hours of horror movies only to compile this list of the absolute nuttiest elderly folks in the history of horror who aren't doing the killing themselves.
10) Mayor Larry Vaughn from Jaws 2
Okay, we can buy the mayor of Amity not buying Chief Brody and Matt Hooper's concerns regarding a shark attack in the original Jaws, but after the events of that first movie, maybe you should start listening to your resident shark-killer hero sheriff, even if it looks like he's just seeing things. You wouldn't want to be responsible for the deaths of even more rich, white New Englanders would you?
9) Mr. Wing from Gremlins
Here's the deal. If you're this big time mystic dude charged with watching over a Mogwai -- a creature capable of spawning inumerable monsters just waiting to destroy small towns and send old ladies through plate glass windows -- maybe, just maybe you shouldn't sell him to a pushy inventor who sucks at his job. Instead, Mr. Wing decides "Screw it" and lays down a few ground rules for Billy's dad. Jesus man, you don't see the guy watching over the nuclear bombs just handing them out to anyone assuming they can follow three "simple" rules.
8) Old Miner from My Bloody Valentine
We like practical jokes as much as the next person, but maybe it's not the best idea to set up an exact replica of the gear that a psycho killer's wearing while killing various townsfolk. We recommend spending less time in the mine and maybe getting some fresh air every now and again old timer.
7) Neighbor Lady from Deadly Friend
It should be a generally accepted principle that being nice is good and being an ass warrants punishment. And sometimes, when you're such an ass to the new neighbor kid, his lady friend and his robot you deserve a head-exploding basketball to the head from the robot/girl hybrid sure to come about in a weird Wes Craven movie like Deadly Friend.
6) Jason Crockett from Frogs
Jason Crockett's an old school kind of guy. He owns this island in the south and has this big July party planned to celebrate his birthday and the birthdays of three other people in his family and NOTHING will get in the way. Including the deaths of several of those family members at the hands...er, claws, of frogs, snakes, birds and other creepy crawly creatures. So steadfast is Crockett that he even refuses to leave his home while his three living family members and Sam Elliott escape as thousands of frogs attack his house. How can this end? Only with Crockett getting attacked, alone and in his wheelchair listening to records, by an army of amphibians who somehow kill him. That's what pride gets you folks, death by frog.