Call it Golden Girls Gone Wild, or just Lake Placid, as Betty White's Mrs. Delores Bickerman admites to killing her husband, tells a man that she hopes the wild crocadiles running loose in her lakeside neighborhood eat his friends and even feeds the crocs cows with a smile and a "Come and get it." But just like a real Girls Gone Wild video, in the end, she gets eaten by a crocodile. That's what we've heard at least, we've never made it through a whole GGW.
4) Crazy Ralph from Friday the 13th 1 & 2
He wasn't the first and he won't be the last, but Ralph has become the prototypical "crazy old guy who lives in a small town and warns a kid or two about the menace they were innevitably face". He and his ilk usually get ignored only to be be proven right within a few dozen minutes. So, the moral is, when a crazy old man claiming to be an agent of God comes up to you and says "Doomed! You're all doomed!" you should probably listen to him while you can, as he'll get iced in the next flick and stuffed in a small kitchen space.
3) Grandpa Seth from Troll 2
Though it's been dubbed "the best worst movie" of all time, Troll 2's Grandpa Seth doesn't grab the top spot on this list. Partly because his grandson can barely say his name without sounding like he's got a mouthful of marbles, and partly because, even though Seth appears out of nowhere (after supposedly being dead) to stop his family from eating frosting-covered goblin food, there's crazier and far more disturbed old people to come.
2) Dr. Loomis from Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Donald Pleasance's Dr. Loomis should get a pass after his brilliance in the first two Halloween movies, but by the time he reached the sixth installment (his and Michael Myers' fifth) our boy had clearly lost his fucking mind. He's survived more attacks from The Shape than anyone else in the history of cinema, including an explosion that left him scarred only to finally bite it in a movie starring a young Paul Rudd that reveals Michael's connection to druids. We think we'd be a little loopy after living in abject terror for 30 years, but we hope that we wouldn't spend the entire movie yelling at everyone, even the people who seem to be on our side. It's like he's stuck on 11, with absolutely no inside voice.
1) Grandpa Chapman from Silent Night, Deadly Night
Old people can be pretty damn scary, take Grandpa Chapman for instance. He's been catatonic for God knows how long. Even his own grandchildren don't want to visit the old geezer, and why would you? He's just going to sit there and stare off into the distance, drooling all over the place. What could be worse? How about, as soon as Billy's parents leave the room, Grandpa Chapman springs to life only to put the fear of God and Santa into the boy threatening "You see Santa Claus tonight, you better run boy. You better run for ya life!" And you know what? Crazy Grandpa Chapman was right, as Billy's parents get brutally murdered in front of him by none other than Santa.