The 5 Most Awesome (and 5 Least) "Baby" Cartoons

By Rob Bricken in Cartoons, Daily Lists
Friday, October 2, 2009 at 7:57 am

THE LEAST AWESOME:


5) Yo! Yogi

After Yogi's Treasure Hunt was a decent syndicated success, Hanna-Barberra decided to get some of that sweet, sweet kiddie cash by taking nearly its entire cast of cartoon characters and make them "fresh" or "extreme" or whatever it was in 1991.

If the whole idea of stealing pic-a-nic baskets seemed passe, clearly, throwing on some jacket is going to make Yogi a star again. Change Jellystone Park to Jellystone Mall and you appeal to the kids, right? This didn't quite click, but the show did try out parodies of Vanilla Ice, which was a mistake because what America really wanted was to see Milli Vanilli play Wendy Koopa's birthday party.

Peter Potomus and Magillia Gorilla appeared on the show as well, but thankfully they managed to go on to a slightly better future as guests on Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. And speaking of people who have been Harvey's clients...


4) The Flintstones Kids

Not only were The Flintstones Kids one of the most forgettable casts of characters on this list -- except for Captain Caveman (and son) -- but the most memorable thing about them is a PSA on buckling your seatbelt which got pretty decent airplay.

75 half-hour episodes were produced between '86 and '88, but defy someone to remember any of them. The great Mel Blanc provided a few voices on the show, as did a few other famous or soon-to-be-famous voice actors. Just like real kids, there were cursed diamonds, rock and roll fantasies, and the kids trying their hand at the private investigator racket. It's not like anyone needed to watch this show to know how Fred turns out, as a never-ending pitchman for cereal and vitamins long after his wife left him for someone who bought her a real garbage disposal and not some dinosaur who's going to give you lip about having a crap job.

 

3) James Bond Jr.

His name is James Bond Jr., and he's 007's nephew. Clearly, nobody's particularly interested in what "junior" means.

What is arguably the ultimate male fantasy escape vehicle has now been made for kids! Isn't that lovely? All of the sex double-entendres you love are now gone, but hey-- at least Jaws and Goldfinger and Oddjob stuck around, right? Enjoy Terri Firma and Lotta Dinaro, for you will not find your beloved Pussy Galore in this fairly dull short-run series from 1991. If nothing else, it probably helped a generation of kids to ask what the real James Bond was all about and get a crash course in crazy boat chases and Indiana Jones' dad getting a ton of action.

The show did leave us with one awesome artifact, a Ninja James Bond action figure that speaks volumes about the licensed toy market of its day.

 

2) Baby Looney Tunes

While the readership of this site is likely too old to have watched the show for themselves, maybe your kids forced you to catch it once or twice. This series decided to drop the pretense of being for an audience which has learned to speak -- clearly, the Tiny Toons weren't tiny enough.

Proof positive that America lost her way, because most people in the last 50 years grew up watching stuff like The Rabbit of Seville and Rabbit Seasoning, amazing classics for kids of all ages. Instead, here they are wearing diapers, which is actually somewhat appropriate given the age of the franchise itself. Writing down to your audience is something a number of creative people claim to avoid, but clearly these people did not work on this program. If you ever wanted to see Daffy Duck in a diaper, though, it's totally your lucky day. And you're disgusting.

 

1) Little Rosie

Do you know the ultimate sign of animation quality? When nobody bothers to pirate your show. That's the kind of love you rarely get the opportunity to see in this Full House fanfic-filled universe, and precisely what happened with Little Rosie.

Roseanne was the biggest sitcom on television in 1990, so naturally someone said "let's take this ball-busting strong woman character and make something for people who can't talk yet." Why watch Mickey Mouse when you can see one of the reportedly most notorious tantrum-throwing stars in sitcomland? A vaguely remembered dialogue sample:

"I'm going to be the Queen of Bagdad." "No, I'm going to be Queen of Bagdad." "But I want to wear the curly-toed shoes!"

Clearly someone got scared at a production meeting and opted out of the prospect of RoseanneTales, as AlfTales was some hot stuff, arguably the greatest show to ever air that featured both Alf and fairy tales. It's assumed that this show's failure cost the world Little Cheers, Mini M.A.S.H., and Golden Girls Tots. Which, arguably, could have been the greatest thing ever.

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