By Rob Bricken in
Nerdery
Monday, Oct. 26 2009 @ 3:33PM
Oh, one more thing -- thanks to GeekChick, both for her entry of Totoro (excellent choice) and the accompanying artwork (above) she found for it. I certainly won't be visiting any Japanese forests for a while. Now, onto the mentions!
THE (MANY) HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Bowlingpete said:
Bob Ross. His voice is so soothing, and his obsession with happy little trees is so reassuring. There's no way he'd destroy me. The anglo-afro will though.Teeks said:
The Prince pushing a giant Katamari from Katamari Damachy. Because if I'm going down, so is the rest of the fucking city. In hilariously cute fashion that's sure to get the rest of the world talking.jedieb said:
Snoopy. I have no doubt that like Ray I'd pick a seemingly innocent figure from my childhood. America's favorite beagle would never ever harm me and Ghostbusting partners. But out of nowhere a huge white figure would soon come stomping down the streets of Manhatten. But instead of Staypuff we'd see Snoopy crushing cars, churches, and anything else that got in his way.Bigdonkey1 said:
Can you imagine the horrific sounds? Staypuff was silent, but we've all heard Snoopy's garbled speech. I can't get the sounds and images of Snoopy at Wimbledon out of my head now. Picture him with McEnroe's bandana and temper rampaging through the streets. He'd be swinging a giant tennis racquet in his hands and bulldozing everything in site. Not only would I be "terroized beyond the capacity of rational thought", I'm pretty sure my shorts would be full. Full of shit and shame... shit and shame.
Toastkeepoffthegrass said:
except it has a penis.
and the face of orson wells.
Betty White.Jason Thorn said:
Captain Planet. Why? Cause Gaia got tired of people polluting the planet and is going to wipe the slate clean. Only the Planeteers will survive as his Planet-worshipping disciples to repopulate the earth.Lynnie said:
Cheesasaurus Rex, in a baseball cap. I realize, after typing this, I may just be me remembering a scene from We're Back: A Dinosaur Story. Oh well.StarMagnus said:
A blimp driven by the incredible hulkkalyarn said:
Orko. It's simple - a 1,000 foot tall Orko appears and floats over every city, driving humanity insane as they look up at the eldritch horrors hidden beneath his robe. The inevitable failed magic tricks just serve to scorch the earth stone clean.Thatcher said:
A gigantic 12-sided die. With the end of the world approaching, trying to clear my head, my mind wanders off and I think to myself somewhat sarcasticly, "If only I could get a saving throw". A shadow falls over my face and I look up just in time to see the digits of doom right before it crushes me and begins it's path of destruction. It destroyed my social life, might as well destroy the earth too.Mryddian said:
Grover from Sesame Street. He was my favourite character as a kid and one of my favourite skits was the Near & Far one. I can just imagine him being like 1,000 feet tall and and stomping around yelling out "Neeeeaaaarrrr" as he crushes someone and "Faaaarrrrr" as he lifts up his furry little foot to crush another.Jenn the Hen said:
Bob the builder "Can he fix it? Yes he can!" If by fix you mean destroy and it you mean life as we know it.Dillon said:
Dora the Explorer. She would claw my eyes out while trying to teach me Spanish phrases.Victor said:
LeVar Burton. In Reading Rainbow, he was friendly and approachable without being condescending. He showed us strange and interesting places in the real world, and took us on journeys of imagination with books. Meanwhile, he hasn't had any unpleasant scandals that, in retrospect, tarnish our childhood memories. A nice guy who promotes literacy! How could he be my destruction?RoboKy said:
Well, picture this- Gozer announces "The choice is made!" and out of nowhere; LeVar Burton. For a second, nothing happens. You're about to ask if that was it, when suddenly, every page of literature within miles starts to glow, and before anyone can react, people are being dragged screaming into ironic literary deaths. I'd say this is the worst possible destruction by the most innocuous possible destructor. But you don't have to take my word for it!
The Gummi Bears from the Disney TV series. Bouncing here and there and..OH DEAR GOD THEY'VE BOUNCED THEIR WAY INTO THE MATERNITY WARD! THE GUMMIBERRY JUICE IS TAKEN FROM THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!Gareth said:
Paddington Bear. Oh, he looks harmless in that hat and trench coat, but don't be fooled. Paddington is known for making people tremble with a deadly stare when they annoy him. He will use this to paralyze us with fear. And then when he has us in his clutches, he will whip out his jars of marmalade and stuff the nasty stuff down our throats until we're we're bursting at the seams. And just before we bid farewell to this mortal coil, Paddington smirks and says, "I am Paddington from darkest Peru, and I send you to darkest Hell." And then he tips his hat politely just before we explode.Docta C. Bridges said:
The moment I read this, I immediately thought of the Ghostbusters. Then I realized, I'm pretty much always thinking about the Ghostbusters. So, there we have it. If I was the one to choose who the Destroyer would be, it would be the cast of Ghostbusters. Imagine being deatomized by a proton beam, that would fuck shit up.googum said:
I was going to say, "myself," but Alan Moore's beard came to mind first, so...IisAwesomecakes said:
A Cylon Stormtrooper ninja pirate spartan super soldier that runs around in the robot thing from District 9 and has a jetpack Velociraptor with lolasers that talks like Snarf for a sidekick. Did I mention his name is Fonzie and he is a brain surgeon that recently bought China? He is also an extremely talented Pianist and chef.webs62 said:
Marc Summers, the original host of Nickelodeon's Double Dare. I bet you would think twice about taking that physical challenge.Anonymoose said:
Hmmm, the first thing that I thought about was Chips Ahoy cookies, but those aren't really a "character." The second thing that popped into my head was Charles Nelson Reilly, so we'll split the difference and call it Charles Nelson Reilly throwing giant chewy Chips Ahoy cookies.j-me said:
My vote is for the little baby ewok that cowered at 3P0's version of the Rebels' story. I imagine that thing would come out giant, squeaking unholy booms and crying torrents of ewok tears as it, too, is alarmed by its size and power. The poor giant muffin doesn't know what's going on, and in its own terror, demolishes entire highrises in an attempt to hide its face. No amount of purring, leg humping, or "part of the tribe"-making can appease it. It will never stop, because the only things that might have calmed it is gone forever. As it grew, it tore its blankey, and accidently smushed its mother. :(Zortt1 said:
The cast of Law and Order Special Victim's Unit. We would know when they appeared by an absolutely deafening opening intro that goes like this:sputterfat said:
"In the inter dimensional criminal system, worlds are eliminated by a destroyer chosen by the inhabitants of that said world. The traveler has come and this is its story."
The clang clang would cause weak minded individuals heads to be blown.
A portal opens in the street below, and giant versions of each of the characters begin to pour out. Mariska Harigtay and Chris Meloni would start analyzing the situation and realize that we the ghost busters are a threat to their new found existence and committed some arbitrary sex crime. Richard Belzer appears makes a wisecrack and then Ice-T is the one that realizes that we, the ghostbusters, are the ones who are committing the crime and that we have copious amounts of drugs on our persons. Of course this is all set to an incredibly loud and awesome rendition of the theme song.
With the giant SVU crew running at us we quickly decide to mow them down with our proton streams. Realizing that our plan is futile as blood from the giants are filling the streets and possibly drowning others who are watching on, it is time to cross the streams. Aiming at the large portal we cross the streams and seal the portal. They explode in a giant bloody mess that is strewn all over the area of Manhattan. Skeletal remains litter the surrounding area. One of Meloni's ribs kills Walter Peck.
I'd probably have to go with Mr. Dan Aykroyd himself. He wouldn't be gigantic or necessarily even menacing, but he would have the power of CRYSTAL SKULL VODKA at his hands and it would devastate the entire planet....maybe even the moon. Gazing into his CRYSTAL SKULL would instantly cause your brain to melt. It would take time cause he could only melt a handful or brains at a time, but his persistence and undying quest for the best tasting vodka would eventually destroy everything. It would be terrifying.brains76 said:
Treat Williams and Joe Piscipo from Dead Heat because with those two guys I would be honored to be killed by the stars of a buddy cop zombie movie. How rad would that be. I wouldn't even mind getting killed by those two.me said:
the episode of who´s the boss when tony see angela in the showerSparkimus Prime said:
I am going to say Grumpy Bear from the fan fiction Friday. Not only would it be a giant care bear that is the avatar of destruction, hes also a rapist. The cloud on his stomach would also become he new emblem of all that is evil and bad instead of the upside down pentagram.Winners -- and a few more Honorable Mentions -- after the jump.
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