• Don't ever insult Albus Dumbledore in front of anyone again, because if you do... I will have Fawkes come and burn you to the ground. By the way stupid git, Fawkes is Professor Dumbledore's phoenix. If you don't think it'll happen, think again!

• Gosh darn it! would you please not make fun of Professor Filius Flitwick. I hope you're talking about the wooden wand not... something else, possibilly between his legs.

• Why would Spock want to shrek a cat? gross!

• What about Nanny Mcfee or Mary Poppins.

• refer to my post above on this matter.

• I hope you mean in the forest. Plus, Ent sex would take a long time to complete and, if Treebeard could have kids, which he can't, but if he could, it'd take a long time because of his Ent ways.

• What about Capton Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean?

• Yuck!

• Please do not pick on Italians like Mario! I take offense to that.

• Now that would be something! having a little Shelogog (offspring that takes both names).

• You know you wrote your name wrong? the o should go before the e.

• Be more specific about who you want from Hogwarts. You could always use Merpeople.

• you don't mean Mario from the Mario Brothers game do you? of course you do but, he's just computer generated.

• You shouldn't smoke, if that's what you mean by "rolling papers." it's bad for you; many health risks such as lung cancer.

• Why would Rupert Gyles and Remus J Lupin do anything? why would it be good? first of all, Lupin's a werewolf and I can't remember what Gyles does/did. It might be better if Lupin "trained/trains" with Weregarurumon from... Digimon Adventures.

• Well let's hope Jane doesn't ever play Link's Occaraina, and you know what I mean. The instrument the Zeldan hero uses to do stuff.

• I'll give you the same thing I gave that other poster. Life can come only from other life, m+f or man and woman. If Mistique, or however you spell her name, were in her male form, it wouldn't work; too many X/Y chromosomes in offspring if male.

• Well it sounds, to me, that carnage needs to get away from cookie monster, CC because he has domonates.

• Lets just stick with Trinity and Neo, or however you spell "the one's" name. Get real!

• Well I'm just glad you didn't pick on Tarzan

• I thought that was a little... well... not good. How about Zelda and Link.

• I can't imagine that man with that tode of a witch. so disgusting!

• Mine is Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion and Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I have actually had this fandom for a while, and I made it up myself. I have made videos on youtube about them and made fanfic and fanart... yes, i have no life

• I know I have not entered in time, but how about Saint Tail (Kaitou Saint Tail) and Dark Mousy (D.N.Angel)? They are both Villian Protagonists (They both have to steal but for good reasons: Dark Mousy protects the world from cursed art, Saint Tail as a Robin Hood-type thief only she steals from criminals and gives back to the original owners). They both have cute animal friends (Dark Mousy's With and Saint Tail's Ruby). They both have approximately the same aged civilian forms (Daisuke Niwa & Meimi Haneoka). What do you think?

• So it's too late to win anything, but I just wanted to get this out there. Mac and PC from the commercials. Think about it, the one true forbidden love.

• The ever-loving blue eyed Thing and the Rock Biter from Neverending story. Ska-douche.

• my entry : anyone of the teenage mutant turtles and a female Squirtle that would be so me nice turtle f***ing

• my entry : anyone of the teenage mutant turtles and a female Squirtle that would be so me mice turtle f***ing

• popeye and mrs. pickles (from rugrats)

• Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street and the Trash Heap from Fraggle rock. but they are both Jim Henson so i don't know if they will be acceptable SO Dr Horrible (from the infamous Singing Blog) and Stephen King's Lovable creation (cough cough) Carrie. because i really think she's his type, until she rips down his lair with her mind at least. and in case the Henson duo isn't acceptable Luke Cage from Marvel comics and Zoe from Firefly both characters totally kick @ss and would rock together.

• Jaime and Cersei Lannister from the Game of Thrones and the McPoyles from It's Always Sunny. This type of incestuous relationship can only realize it's terrible and milk filled climax with the combination of brothers and sisters and more brothers and more sisters. Mmmm, taste the lust.

• Well, for the record, this one isn't mine, but is from the inescapable mire of time and and information that is TV Tropes. That is: Wolverine/Shego. I think that was suggested on one of the "Crack Pairing" or "Crossover Pairing" pages.

• John Galt and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. With the hope that Buffy would kill him, recognizing just how evil he really is.

• Ellery Queen and Horatio Caine

• Arthur Dent and Juliet (from Romeo & Juliet).

• I think everyone else has covered couples that work so I'll just try for most disturbing. Mayor McCheese and Wimpy from Popeye

• Captain Morgan (rum) and General Rain Silves (sergal). Because my had broked my MIND.

• Tinkywinky and Barney the Dinosaur. One is purple and gay.. Oh, they're both purple and gay! Match made in heaven.

• John Fogerty and Catwoman. Because everyone loves Creedence.

• I know it's after the buzzer, but I have to suggest Hank Hill and Satan (as depicted in South Park). In all of Satan's relationships, he's been looking for a strong, assertive, confident, yet tender, attentive and appreciative man. Hank has the patience of a saint (lol) is unambiguously masculine (while not being an abusive testosterone indused douchebag), and lives/loves comfortably among "quirky" individuals. Hank then in his fatherly, simple, salt-of-the-earth ways gets to live in the universe's biggest grill while watching the parade of yuppies, douchebags, brats, assholes, possers, toughguys, liars, scammers, crusaders, drunkards, etc. that he's had to deal with his whole life get their eternal come-uppance. He can roast with propane. TASTE THE DAMNATION, NOT THE HEAT!

• Luffy and Bulma. I don't need to explain this, it would be awesome. Hello Kitty and Your Friendly Neighborhood Tentacle Monster. Imagine the possibilities.

• Superman and Satan, because I'm currently suffering from severe leg pain, I'm angry and I want to say something stupid. Besides, just think about it. Which one would be the man?

• Madame Masque (Iron Man villain) and Snake Eyes from the accursed movie. First off, they both have sculpted masks with inexplicable lips on them. Second, imagine that emotionless sex. Between the lack of expressions and one missing voice, it would be like two mannequins screwing, with a tape recorder inside one.

• It makes sense - I hate myself for thinking of this, but Susan Sto Helit (Death's granddaughter-by-adoption in the Discworld novels) and Death the Kid (Death's child in the Soul Eater anime and manga). Pretend it's not some kind of incest, and it works out beautifully. As of their first appearances, they're roughly the same age, they both rock the two-tone hair, white and black with stripes, have a serious bent, and could commiserate over the whole descended-from-death thing. (Apologies if someone scooped me on this one; couldn't get all the way through the comments.)

• Edward Scissorhands and Poison Ivy. I think he could trim her hedges.

• A Threesome... Pinky and the Brain and the Pillsbury Dough boy ... Brain: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking Pinky?" Pinky: "I think so Brain but do you think we can raise enough dough?" My son and I are very much alike and both geeks. He drives me nuts with this site and wanting a T shirt .. he has been asking me all weekend about couples and telling me his ideas. Driving him back to his dorm today this thought popped in my head and struck me so funny I couldn't tell him for 3 minutes because I was laughing so hard. If I win .. he gets the T shirt and it will be like winning twice! If not .. well I had fun.

• In keeping with the best (well worst) traditions of Fan-fiction, I present the following: Ship the First: HMS MAYHEW/DENT Richard Mayhew (Neverwhere) and Arthur Dent (H2G2) Both strangers in strange lands, shot into a world of mayhem, mystery, and lacking good tea. Imagine, Mayhew and Dent, walking into a pub, one spots the other and they start talking (both being perfectly normal British gents in over their heads) Finally they start comparing stories... Leading to re-defining the classic stiff upper lip.... Ship the Second: The good ship SHoDOS SHODAN (System Shock) and GLaDOS(Portal) Two powerful women that only wanted to be god. The bits fly as these two powerhouses of AI meet, love, and fall apart in less time than it takes a mouse to sneeze. For added benifits, add in HEXADECIMAL (ReBoot) for hot threeway action to keep the fans from leaving around chapter 2. These are the (insane) beauties of the computer realm!

• 2nd Entry Cinderella from Fables and Sayid Jarrah of Lost. Both would like nothing more to go on with their normal lives. Both are highly skilled killers that have survived large conflicts. Both know how to extract information through nefarious means. Both have been through experiences that would have killed a normal person. And finally, both have dealt with phenomena unexplainable to the masses (surviving the plane crash and the island are just as mind-blowing as being the actual Cinderella and living in the real world). They would be a true Mr. and Mrs. Smith couple.

• Snake-Eyes and Echo from New Avengers. One can't talk, the other can't hear. Plus if they ever get into a fight with each other, it will wind up being a 16 hour epic sword fight where Snake Eyes is using every Arashikage move possible and Echo is just using her reflex memorization skills to copy everything. You could easily pay-per-view it.

• Sam Hell (the original) and Princess Toadstool. Or Princess Zelda. Or any other princess that needs to be rescued constantly. They'd be shooting greeners in no time, their misogynistic world crushed under the weight of even greater misogyny.

• Year 1 Batman and vintage Frank Miller Elektra. Both are crazy ninja-padawan who are out for vengeance and Elektra doesn't have a foil to play off if she's with a certain limp-dicked Catholic blind man. The Frank Miller Power Couple will have elegant, dangerous fights and then have hot sex afterwards.

• Roronoa Zoro (One Piece) and Date Masamune (Sengoku Basara). Nevermind a mutual breaking of the laws of physics, or the number of swords that a person can wield at once and still kick ass. Nevermind the part Zen, part bull headed stubborness approach to life. Nevermind the overwhelming manliness. Nevermind being able to slice and dice anything and everything that could ever be concived of. That voice. In stereo. "Are you ready guys?"

• Brickhousebunny21 aka "WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS" and Rob... match made in FUCKIN' HEAVEN!

• As couples go, I like Gaston (circa 18th century disneyfied France)and Princess Peach for an idyllic WASP couple. They'll summer in the Hamptons and winter in Kennebunkport. They'll throw dinner parties with lovely place settings from Crate & Barrel and undertones of quiet gender-specific rage. "Say Gregory, why don't women need watches? Because there are CLOCKS on OVENS. Isn't there a clock on the oven, Peach?" "... Yes, Gaston."

• Inspector Gadget and Carmen Sandiego could easily have a sort of Batman/Catwoman thing going on.

• Lucca from Chrono Trigger and Commander Riker from Star Trek TNG. BECAUSE I'M AN EVIL BASTARD.

• Bella Swan from Twilight and Alucard from Hellsing? The only sparkles would be Bella's blood sprinkling in the moon light...wait, that's the wrong kind of FF couple isn't it?

• Unfortunately, I didn't have to try to think of an answer for this, as it's something I've thought about before. I've often imagined the conversations shared at the end of the day between intergalactic pimp Boba Fett and wifey Samus Aran. I like to think about the two of them enjoying a romantic evening by the fire after a long day of bounty hunting, wooing each other with tales of their adventures. Perhaps Boba could tell his counterpart that he fought his way out of the Sarlaac just to once again find himself in her arms, or Samus would remind her Mandalorian main squeeze that he, not saving Planet Zebes, was her inspiration behind destroying the Mother Brain. Ahhhh how the two of them would fall in love all over again while exchanging stories of their mutual baddassery over glasses of Chardonnay. After dinner, Boba Fett would oh-so-gently strip his spouse down to her Zero Suit, while Samus tenderly removes his helmet to stare deeply into his loving, cloned eyes. She run her hands along his chest, brushing past the braids of wookie hair that hang there. He would take her, slowly but deliberately, and.....aw shit, it's getting a little weird that I'm sharing this with you. I completely made this up to win a T-shirt though. Totally. I haven't been imagining since Samus became the first girl I ever saw in a bikini. Not at all. So make with the shirt.

• My two nominations: #1 Batgirl (Cassandra Cain when she was a mute) and Snake Eyes (from GI Joe Comics). They may not have much dialogue, but they would kick so much ass. Cassandra reads body language without any effort and Snake Eyes can only communicate with body language, they probably would understand each other better than most couples anyway. It doesn't hurt that they both top class fighters. #2 Harley Quinn and Deadpool. This couple would never shut up and we'd never want them to. This relationship could go in all sorts of directions if Quinn keeps on gunning for Joker or vice versa. Deadpool is almost as insane as the Joker so maybe Quinn can find that mad love again.

• For my second entry: The Great Will of the Macrocosm from Excel Saga and The King of All Cosmos from Katamari Damacy. Together they can rule and remake the world! And Macrocosm probably couldn't rape the King of All Cosmos like she does with Pedro...

• Glitter (the fairy from Kidd Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nMTdVthF8E) and Tinkerbell. No particular reason, I just think it would be totally hot. :)

• 1) Eddie the Iron Maiden mascot and the Cryptkeeper, mostly because I think the latter is female and I really want to see what their kids would look lke 2) ALF and Karen Sisco from Out of Sight. I have no precise explanation why, its just I want to see it happen.

• The Topless Robot with Aquaman. Their love could never be consummated. Because it would probably electrocute them. And, Aquaman's gay. For fish. Or... Batman and the Midnighter. Or... Dr. McNinja and Brock Samson.

• Leia Skywalker and Indiana Jones...oh wait

• HAL 9000 and GLaDOS. This NEEDS to happen, if only to see the wedding cake.

• Big chested '80s April O' Neil from the 80's TMNT, with the More reasonably chested '00s April O' Neil from the newer TMNT. Which could possibly happen in that '80s Turtles-meets-'00s Turtles movie comming out. Everyone here would buy a copy then.

• Any of the smurfs + Any of the coneheads. You know, of course, that this is how the snorks came about.

• Here's one for the books V.I.N.CENT from the black hole x MCP from Tron it could work. Those crazy kids have a lot in common. Faith(Buffy/Angel) x Yolanda/Saffron/Bridget/Mrs.Reynolds from Firefly. I leave it up to the reader to determine which one is the sense pair, and which one is the silly pair.

• Japan x Perversion Sure, they're not really characters, but they go so well together. Many sick and disgusting hentai doujins have been created by this (un)holy union.

• I'd like to see Gracie Allen (of Burns and Allen) and Harry Ritz (of the Ritz Brothers) as a couple. They'd have a series of madcap wacky adventures, with the occasional pratfall and musical number. It'd be the bee's knees, honestly. Only a rube would think otherwise.

• @Maachubo: Umm, do you know what site this is? For that knowledge here, you shall be hailed as nerd god.

• The MacManus brothers (Boondock Saints) and The Dirty Pair (Anime)

• Johny 5 and Wall-E they would learn to be human and get in wacky adventures. Captain John Sheridan and Captain Jame T Kirk I mean they would kick as break all the rules and then laugh about it.

• @donnybrook The health inspector's name was Morgan Proctor. And she was an inspector from the Central Bureaucracy, not a "health inspector" per se. Please don't hate me for knowing that. And Harley/Toki wins. Too awesome for words.

• Shinji Ikari and Haruhi Suzumiya would totally work! I support that idea. I insist that Haruhi's comotose body be dressed in a bunny outfit... But for my own crack entry: Luffy from One Piece and Helen Parr (Elastigirl) from The Incredibles. Sure, she might be a cougar, but oh such a flexible one! If these two ever hook up, the world will explode with rubber love and babies.

• For my two Entries I submit: #1: Harley Quinn/Deadpool #2: Batgirl(Cassandra Cain when she was mute)/Snake Eyes (from G.I. Joe). Can you imagine the conversations they would have?

• Please, no more Mario stuff, it's tearing my spirit apart and stamping on the piece. And Luigi actually has Princess Daisy, so I don't think he's complaining.

• Funniest? Thank you Rob, for your crazy FFF's. You only have yourself to blame if there are resulting fanfics from this. KIRBY & THE GIANT FUCKING SQUID. You know, Squiddy, fresh from fucking Hogwarts? Or Hogwarts itself. Maybe Kirby has that silly eating fetish. Where he gets all tight in his ...[pants?] over having some fresh calamari or brick. And Hogwarts also has the eating fetish thing? But at least Squiddy has multiple appendages, he can sacrifice one to the good of the coitus. Right? One that makes the most sense: LINK & PEACH Yes, he's a princess-saving emo elf dude. Yes, she's a princess like Zelda. But at least when they do it Luigi isn't in a corner and all you see/hear is the ember from a cigarette cherry and his deep Italian exhalations. I bet you when Luigi finally breaks one off in the corner do to his voyeurism and his inability to lay Peach himself, or rather, any female, he jumps quite hilariously in victory. Couldn't you see it? Yippeee! and jumps like a buffoon. And Link is in MUCH better shape than a plumber. People who fuck plumbers they just met are only suitable in pornos. At least Link is fit enough to get on her, thrust, and not have to take a breather. And he wouldn't have to take a 1-Up shroom, either.

• Dexter Morgan and River Tam. Think of the frustration.

• Entry #1 Bender from Futurama and Rosie from The Jetsons Entry #2 Harvey Birdman and Hawkman and/or Hawkgirl

• 2nd entry- Captain Picard and Mon Mothma

• Zultan -Hound of Dracula and Lassie.

• K.I.T.T. and a Cylon Raider. Batman and Jack Shepard.

• Ok, I know I've already had my 2 entries, but these just popped into my head after reading through this sickening car-crash of a thread. Casey Jones & Jason Voorhees. Hockey-mask fetishists need love too! Brock Samson and Elektra. She's a close enough match to his beloved Molotov Cocktease, and he'd prove the ultimate challenge in and out of the bedroom. Plus they've both come back from the dead before, so they have even more in common. Harley Quinn and Toki Wartooth. Can you imagine how cute they'd be together? Her new 'puddin' would be the luckiest metalhead in the world! Carl from ATHF and that health-inspector Fry slept with on Futurama. If she's got a thing for slobs, you can't really go past Carl right?

• 2nd Entry. HAL 9000 and the Enterprise Computer (And if they get married C-3P0 is the best man and the Maschinenmensch from Metropolios is the bridesmaid.)

• Voltron is just a vehicle for the Voltron Force,so technically it would be Tidal Wave dating the 5 V.F. members,only one of which is female (not that there's anything wrong with that). I guess Keith would be the main boyfriend since he's the torso. Oh God,what has become of me?

• WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP READING THIS THREAD????? You're all a bunch of sick sex perverts and yer all going to hell!! And when you get there,you'll spend an eternity getting raped and shit upon by Pokemon!!!! This thread has broken my mind in ways no FFF ever could. FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!

• My first entry: Voltron and Tidal Wave (Transformers). Both are gigantic robots, one flying in space and the other in the ocean. Together they will experience a love unlike any other. Voltron would take TW flying high beyond the sky, mesmerizing and charming as he whispered sweet nothing into TW's ears. And TW would return the favor, taking Voltron deep into the ocean, going on treasure hunts, and discovering new world beyond all the salty water and traumatized sea creatures. Their love would be strengthened when TW propose at the beach during sunset, with a ring made of pearls and gold retrieved from ancient sunken ships. The sex would be so horrifyingly awesome, armored bodies clanking together, rubbing hard until sparks ignite all over their groins. Extra lubrication would be no problem, since all the love got it flowing endlessly. Since Voltron got lion heads for hands, the line between handjob and blowjob will forever be blurred. After a while, if there's some reason they can't spawn an offspring, they can always adopt. Depending on their style of parenthood, they can adopt either the law-abiding Robocop as their son or the rebellious, shape-shifting TX as their daughter. And the universe will be fucked.

• Entry #2- I think that my second choice for this contest is going to have to be Winick's Red Hood (Jason Todd) and Faith. Picture this: Both have severely twisted attitudes regarding the world, both love violence, and they each have a secret identity (sort of). I'm imagining the first date being crashed by both vampires and drug dealers, and the two of them just going sickhouse on their asses. ...And the Joker likes his ass, gentlemen.

• For a 'makes sense' entry, I nominate Mugen of Samurai Champloo and Haruko Haruhara from FLCL. Both could just as easily toss the same people they were trying to save into the trash if something better came along. Both love a good shouting match. Both are champion nonsense contest contenders. Neither of them have much going on, aside from chasing some elusive figure that you hear tell of, but only ever briefly see. Really though, Mugen put a close to his chase so he is just wandering around being all brash and moody like he does. Haruko could probably settle for an unreasonably strong fighter who not only can survive a 200 foot drop off a sheer cliff, but can also slay zombies, play baseball, and fill episodes when out of ideas like no ones business. Sure, he's no intergalacticly wanted felon, but he's got plenty of room in his skull for N.O., no doubt. Hell, if nothing else, it could at least get their minds off chasing some serious jail bait for a while.

• Cripes, people! It's not even Sunday yet! Anyway, I've thought about this a while (by which I mean like five minutes), and here's what I have: Sorceress (I totally had an inexplicable crush on her as a three-year-old) and Prince Vultan. They got the bird thing going, and the early-80s thing. Then! Shaya (The Queen of Power, from Power Lords), and Trevor Goodchild (from Æon Flux), because I always liked to fantasize about inexplicable cartoons that would/did spawn incredibly bizarre or shitty toy lines.

• Okay, here's one that makes sense (don't think less of me for it): Chiyo Mihama from Azumanga Daioh and Winter Moran from Marvelman. Both are child prodigies, but in completely different aspects: while Chiyo is practically a genius who graduated high school and went to study in America at the age of 12, Winter has developed incredible superpowers that dwarf those of her father almost immediatley after she was born. So they're kinda like the Superman and Batman of prepubescent girls: Winter has vast physical power and Chiyo has an exceptionally advanced mind. Okay, now here's my weird one: Christopher Johnson from District 9 and Ridley from Metroid. Both are alien creatures who despite resembling savage animals, have vast intelligence. I can totally imagine Christopher teaming up with Ridley and the Space Pirates to rescue the Prawns from Earth and conquest the human race.

• Giant-Man and Elastigirl from the Incredibles--just think about it. also, Short Circuit's Number 5 and R.O.B. from the old NES game would maybe hit it off.

• I really didn't want to get into slash fiction, but I would have to say Max Headroom and Fortess Maximus (Transformers). We all know that Fortress Maximus turned into a city as well as many other things, but he was also the first headmaster. Meaning he had no head of his own. I just want to see a giant robot saying to a TV screen, "You complete me." Theirs is the truest love.

• Luke Skywalker and Barbarella. Hott.

• Scully and the Doctor. It's kind of like a modern odd couple.... She doesn't believe in aliens. He is one. Can they get along?

• My most cherished crossover crack pairing is Hao Asakura (from Shaman King) and Envy (from Fullmetal Alchemist) - both are psychotic, sexually ambiguous, and hate the human race, so they'd have a lot to talk about. Also, Motoko Kusanagi and GLaDOS. Aside from the hot cyborg-on-AI lesbian action, they'd probably have a great time trying to run logical circles around each other and engaging in totally incomprehensible conversations. And would the Major function as the morality core GLaDOS never had, or would GLaDOS finally push her over the thin line between aggressive devotion to one's work and outright psychosis? The answer probably depends on which iteration of the Major is involved (manga-verse vs. the movies vs. SAC), although I'm willing to bet there's a good chance of it ending up as the latter scenario no matter which one of them you choose.

• Oh, a bonus point to my Frank N Furter/Captain Jack Harkness pairing: all the nerd-girls in the world AND all the theater girls in the world would back me up on it! Two extremely talented actors/(stage) singers playing two of the most popular hyper-sexual beings in all of sci-fi matched together... the only way female panties could be any wetter right now is if Bowie walked in and joined them. At least, that's what I gather from the legion of girls I know who lust after all three of them...

• how about Orochimaru (Naruto) and Voldemort (Harry Potter)? Both are evil snakeish villians chasing after teenage boys...

• Silent bob and Enid Coleslaw (from Ghost World)

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