Skids and Mudflap.

Navi from Legend of Zelda

Michael Bay with unlimited funds and unlimited access to military hardware...

A tribble.

Bob Ross. His voice is so soothing, and his obsession with happy little trees is so reassuring. There's no way he'd destroy me.

The anglo-afro will though.

The Prince pushing a giant Katamari from Katamari Damachy. Because if I'm going down, so is the rest of the fucking city. In hilariously cute fashion that's sure to get the rest of the world talking.

Blue from Blue's Clues. "You gotta find another pawprint, that's the second clue!.." Seriously, how could she (yes, Blue is a she--so is Pikachu) hurt anyone?

Yes, I have kids, so quit snickering.

Navi from Legend of Zelda, obviously she or he? can't possibly physically harm me however navi's incessant nagging will surely lead humanity to destruction. No matter how many times I tried to kill Navi in any of the games I couldn't, she's basically indestructible, probably a bigger threat than ganandorf. I'll probably start to lose my patience with my family and friends after 2 to 3 days where I'll lash out at them with verbal abuse to physical abuse to finally murder. No doubt I'll be gunned down by the police in my crazed state after a week with Navi and she'll or he'll probably move on to a new host to leech sanity and life out of.

Sebastien the Crab from The Little Mermaid. Because no matter how he decides to kill me, I can take comfort that (a) he'll probably sing me a really catchy reggae song before he finishes me off, and (b) he still won't make me suffer as much as that French chef did.

Phillipe from Achewood.

Faced with my impending doom, nothing would be more terrifying then facing down a 50 foot stuffed otter yelling "Hugs!" as I am about to be trample to death.

Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde.

You've already got proton packs and traps...at least you'd have a fighting chance.

I'm going to go with a my little pony.

Really, who could imagine those things being the very visage of death and destruction? You have a piece of plastic cuteness that is painted bright colors with some utterly cutesy emblem on it's ass. I don't see how that could possibly come clopping down a city street smashing cars and buildings in it's wake.

It's as ludicrous as having a Carebear stormtrooper squad, you know, the ones that burst into a room and stare anything that moves to death.

First thing that came to my mind (probably since I'm currently surrounded by them) was a pumpkin. Benign, inanimate, festive. As soon as I had that thought I realized the horror I would have just unleashed. An army of possessed man-sized jack-o-lanterns, devouring the flesh of the world to quench their hunger for revenge... Guess I'd better go a little easier on Ray next time I watch Ghostbusters, not thinking of anything is harder than I figured.

Thomas the Tank Engine. As a child, Thomas was the best, my favorite. How could Thomas hurt me? But then the big-ass train comes barreling through the city, spewing black smoke with Sir Topham Hatt cackling manically on his back. I imagine I would die when the soothing narration of George Carlin transforms into demonic chanting that will slowly drive me mad.

Snoopy.

I have no doubt that like Ray I'd pick a seemingly innocent figure from my childhood. America's favorite beagle would never ever harm me and Ghostbusting partners. But out of nowhere a huge white figure would soon come stomping down the streets of Manhatten. But instead of Staypuff we'd see Snoopy crushing cars, churches, and anything else that got in his way.

Can you imagine the horrific sounds? Staypuff was silent, but we've all heard Snoopy's garbled speech. I can't get the sounds and images of Snoopy at Wimbledon out of my head now. Picture him with McEnroe's bandana and temper rampaging through the streets. He'd be swinging a giant tennis racquet in his hands and bulldozing everything in site. Not only would I be "terroized beyond the capacity of rational thought", I'm pretty sure my shorts would be full. Full of shit and shame... shit and shame.

Damn you for taking the Batman idea, because I have this 3 foot stuffed Batman doll that would so be the first thing I would think of.

All the Cabbage Patch kids and Beenie Babies somehow coming to life, then becoming zombies and start ganging up on people. I used to love both of those things when I was a little kid and it would scare the crap out of me to see my childhood toys strangling me with piano wire or the Beenie Babies cutting themselves open to spill their beans and make you trip down some stairs.

Porky Pig. He's just so round, plump, and stuttery. Plus, how awesome would it be to go out hearing "That's all folks!"

Kekko Kamen.

You know how it would be.

Joe clearly never saw the My Little Pony of the Apocalypse online anywhere... There are actually quite a few awesome (horrifying?) My Little Pony creations out there. I even saw a Cthulhu one.

An enormous My Little Pony - specifically, the one that I had and cherished as a little girl until I accidentally left it in the booth of a restaurant we'd gone to as a family. This particular My Little Pony - whom I had christened "Sparkles" - was a velvety pink color. And she had wings. I can't remember what kind of marking she had on her rump, but I'm sure it was extremely girly. Just like Ray, I couldn't help this - it just popped in there. My unconscious choice for the form of the Destructor would be Sparkles, the flying pink My Little Pony. Doubtless millions would be crushed by the gigantic rainbow-colored shits she would leave all over the place.

@ Joe D: http://blogs.fayobserver.com/entertainment/files/2009/04/cthulhupony.jpg

Air... I tried to clear my mind, and all I could think of was air... so if I was in the Ghostbuster's situation, air would kill me. Which is quite horrifying, since there's no way you could destroy air without destroying yourself.

Let's not forget that Venkman actually chose the form of the Destructor - J. Edgar Hoover.

John Lennon.

The Flux Capacitor. it...just popped in there.

now that I think about it seriously, that would be pretty fucking horrible. Time itself would become a gauntlet of terror constantly reliving ole' flat tops conquering of multiple dimensions. not to mention all of the kooky crap that would come out of the woodwork: Dinosaurs, Mastodons, Pangea, Genghis Khan and his extreme sugar highs, fuckin' Hitler, Dracula, Benjamin Franklin, Future Biff, Skynet and all the madness that will happen in some future we haven't even dreamed up yet! all under the influnce of the gozerian ruler.

oh...Marty.

Toast

except it has a penis.

and the face of orson wells.

Betty White.

Mine is simple, I would try to clear my mind only to have Deadpool enter it immediately.
I'm not sure if he would appear as a giant version of himself, or if he would merely show up with some sweet guns to annihilate us all.
But the fact of the matter is that while he was destroying us he would at least send us out with a laugh.
And if I had to choose the way I went I'd at least want a hallucinating invincible mercenary with a decidedly warped sense of humor taking me out.

Nibbler from Futurama.

He's adorable, and he can't help if it he's an unstoppable killing machine. And really, at 30 feet tall, he'd be awfully unstoppable when he got hungry.

For some reason Mrs. Butterworth comes to mind but she would have to come with one of those automated pancake makers you talked about a few months ago, that way we could all die a fluffy warm, syrupy , and frankly delicious, pancakey death.

William Shatner

no explanation required

syd barrett. i have an unhealthy fascination with the original pink floyd singer, so i would probably think of the seemingly harmless and reclusive acid addict. but the thing is he wouldn't be alone, he would have an army of cats, panty sniffing transvestites, gnomes, black and green scarecrows, mice named gerald, and various other things that appeared in his songs (he did ALOT of acid). it would be the weirdest destruction ever, and i would swear i was on acid while it happened, even though i'm completely sober.

With the word Destructor I can't help but think of someone awesome! Destructor is one hell of a title to live up to. I know what would happen my brain would say, "You know who would make the best Destructor EVER - Kain."

*poof*
Brain:"Bugger!"

Yes, Kain of the LoK games. If you wanted anyone to destroy you it would be him. Hell, with that voice he could persuade you to kill yourself!

Brainy Smurf.

He'd talk you to death. Then as a twist of irony, he'll grab you and throw you out of whatever metropolis/city/town/village/outhouse you're in.

539

Robert DeNiro in his Tuttle outfit from "Brazil." It would work for so many levels because by the time I got through the surprise that Robert DeNiro is in my room and that he's dressed up in his Tuttle outfit from "Brazil" that by the time I come up with some other nerdy movie reference to solidify the event, he'd kill me because he's Robert freakin' DeNiro.

Goofy. He never intends to harm anyone yet everything he does turns into a disaster that is survivable. Goofy is totally harmless and would unintentionally be the death of us all. GAWRSH!

Rob Bricken.

I think there is nothing less deadly than a blogger writing about nerdery (no offense Rob). I imagine detructor Rob rising from the couch after the latest Heroes episode mind already twisted from the inanity he just witnessed proceed to down a bottle of scotch in one swig. In the following blind drunken rage he stumbles to his computer only to find the latest submissions for FFF still on the screen. The brief sight of prose describing Shrieky from the Care Bears and Optimus Prime engaged in unspeakable acts pushes him over the edge. The ensuing rage awakens an unknown power within Rob. As waves of energy pulse through his frame Rob becomes Super Saiyan 3.1415 (Nerd Rage edition). His hair becomes a spikey golden crown and he proceeds to unleash death and destruction upon the world which has produced the likes Michael Bay and the writers of FFF. A truly terrifing thought.

Larry King. He'd appear, and everybody would think it was just a fluke. Then, as he drones on and on, everyone's ears slowly start to bleed. And bleed. Of course, the killing move would be gigantic suspenders flying down from the heavens and strangling us all.

Scarlett Johansen reveals her breasts and they are better than I had ever imagined. I am unable to turn away or leave and end up dying with constipation like symptoms.

Ok I'm sorry Rob I know you hate it when people enter twice unless you specifically allow it, but my son mentioned this and it was too good to pass up.
Schnitzel from Chowder.
The last thing we would all hear would be the unearthly battle cry of RRRAAAADDDAAAAAA!!!

A Large Rubber Ducky.

You might be thinking how? But why not? Rubber not only almost as tough as conventional leather but it's more flexible. I can imagine just walking outside and having a giant one of those yellow bastards step on me. (Well, i guess it would have "glide" or "float" on me since they traditionally have no feet.)

But it wouldn't be the weight of this mallard monstrosity that would kill me. It would be the asphyxiation of the rubber as it would slowly cover my body and it's pores with it's err...rubbery consistency.

Then I suppose it would let out a squeak and move on.

Here would be my thought process: Must meditate, drifting into meditation, going into meditation...I started meditating to read the Tarot properly...And crap "The Fool" just popped into my head so now the Fool is going to be my ass in with a wand with a pack on it and another with a rose. Yup, there it is... Shit I forgot about the dog. Oh yeah, this is painful and embaressing. I hate my life.

"Hello Kitty meets Kaijuu monsters." See also: http://www.fanboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/narikiri-hello-kitty-collection.jpg

Because at least I'd die laughing and sending in a tip to Topless Robot.

Captain Planet. Why? Cause Gaia got tired of people polluting the planet and is going to wipe the slate clean.

Only the Planeteers will survive as his Planet-worshipping disciples to repopulate the earth.

Mr. Rogers. The most good-natured, gentle television personality of our lifetime. A giant, sweater-vested elderly man tromping down main street is equally hilarious and terrifying. Bonus points if the entire neighbourhood of make-believe appears to wreak havoc.

"WON'T YOU BE MY...NEIGHBOR?!"

Teddy Ruxpin

He just looked evil as it is. He is probably pissed because he read so many piss poor stories to so many bratty kids. Plus I knew a ton of kids that tore him apart and thats how he would kill me. One by one he would tear a limb off and dig inside me. While he was killing me he would talking in that monotonous voice telling me what he is doing. Man that gives me the chills.

Cheesasaurus Rex, in a baseball cap.

I realize, after typing this, I may just be me remembering a scene from We're Back: A Dinosaur Story. Oh well.

Flight of the Conchords with Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie singing "Foux Da Fa Fa" as they destroy the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5hrUGFhsXo

A blimp driven by the incredible hulk

Hmm, hard to beat the Stay Puft Marshallow Man. The Adipose from Doctor Who really reminded me of the big guy himself, incidently, but as for my own entry....

A giant gummy bear.

No, not the irritating little ass from that internet vid, but a life-size version of the little chewy sweet.

He would splurge out of a big jelly puddle one dark night and grow according to the amount of destruction he caused. At first he would be tiny, and would commit small acts of havok, like kicking fat kids in the shins and using plyers to remove puppy's teeth. Then he would get bigger and more powerful as the chaos escalated. Soon he would be enormous, dissolving skyscrapers with his gummy touch, and would spawn tiny gummy bears a la Cloverfield, which would climb into pipes and electrical devices and then splurge into acidic jelly themselves, destroying all.

The only way for the team to defeat him would be to chew away at his legs and trip him up so that they could eat his jelly brain. Here is a home-made pic I have provided:

http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb241/Sir_Cuddles2/gummy.jpg

A Christmas tree. All those cheerful, twinkly lights would start shooting lasers. "You thought you were getting the Millennium Falcon for Christmas. All you're going to get is killed!"

Giant Yoshi. Imagine a gargantuan happy as shit cartoon dinosaur running through the streets, eating multiple people with the flick of a tongue only to crap them out in the mangled form of a mushroom inside a spotted egg. The streets flooded with projectile fruit juice vomit. Utter chaos.... nothing left but death and destruction....and fruit juice puke.

Obama.

Oh wait... he's already busy destroying the country.

Hamtaro. Those little fuckers are so cute and seemingly non harmless. They'd either get me by singing the theme song until I killed myself, or else we'd all have fun, learn a lesson, and then they'd brutally kill me happy tree friends friends style.

Snuggles the fabric softener bear

Chester, from the old Meow Mix commercials. How could an overweight cat destroy humani- MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW

You would never escape his endless demand for cheap, crappy cat food. He would not be satisfied until every human on the planet caters to him like the man in the commercials. Chester has been shown to know how to dial and use a phone, so not even being across the globe from the madness would save you from the madness.

"Why would there be madness from a cat meowing?" some poor, naive fools may ask. Oh, trust me, the madness will come. It will come so fast for some that by the end of the night, there would be men and women rolling in the streets and crawling on all fours endlessly meowing lyrically with a twisted grin on their faces as their eyes beg for death. After a week, the economy would collapse. By that point, though, no one would even care. They would be to occupied searching for more food to feed their new found master.

The Quacky Patch Doll. It was Webby's toy in Ducktales. (It's in her arms in the first picture.) What's more harmless than a cartoon stuffed animal?

Marty Stouffer

Show me one person who wouldn't trust that gentle, nature loving giant with their life. This would make our destruction under his hiking boots all the more painful...the betrayal! We would look skyward at his cable knitted sweater and ever familiar lumberjack beard and weep as he mercilessly trampled man kind into extinction. And just as he was about to squash your existence, you would look up and remember all he taught you about the wonders of nature and forgive him. We will all welcome death from Giant Marty Stouffer with open arms.

David Bowie.

Because that would just be awesome.

Tracy Morgan, how could he possibly destroy us, besides mass suicide suicide via annoyance

Mudkips.
Not a giant one, just a whole bunch of them, and they look cute, until they swarm and skeletanize you like smiling, blue piranhas

My mind races at the thought of choosing the Destructor.
No, don't think of anything living, real or fictional. They could easily be used for destructive purposes.
Must think of something cutesy, colorful...

The Trix yogurt consumes humanity quickly and silently. We all drown in a sea of colorful, fruity flavored muck...
Don't try to escape, this Trix yogurt is faster than that black tar shit in the lake from Creepshow 2, and can out Blob any other substance.
I've doomed us all to a multi-hued planet. I'm sure it looks great from outer space..

The Bionic Six. You know that TERRIBLE cartoon super-hero family cartoon for the 80's? Seriously I closed my eyes and that was all I saw. Jack(Daddy Bionic) and Six Million Dollar Man rip-off powers, Helen(Momma Bionic)and her Jean Grey powers, Eric(The "Baseball" one) with his imitation Magneto powers and wonder bat, Meg(The Rocker! Bionic)who is a bad Dazzler/Quicksilver combo, J.D.(The oddly not quite P.C. African-American Adopted Bionic)he was the Doug(Cyber)/Warlock combo, and last but certainly least, Bunji(The Asian Foster Child Bionic) with his super karate powers(Reallllllly P.C. there guys!). And with F.L.U.F.F.I. their robot guy Friday with a craving for aluminum, they would rule us all. Yep we would be fucked. Just look at em!http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9e/Bionicsix.JPG

@Joe D.

I'm going to go with a my little pony.

Really, who could imagine those things being the very visage of death and destruction? You have a piece of plastic cuteness that is painted bright colors with some utterly cutesy emblem on it's ass. I don't see how that could possibly come clopping down a city street smashing cars and buildings in it's wake."

Been there, done that.....

It has got to be Sho 'Nuff from The Last Dragon. He's just such a badass jerk. He'd knock your little brother out with a welding tank and then stuff him upside down in a garbage can full of spaghetti! While glowing!

Pizza'd to death by a giant sentient self-operating TMNT Pizza Thrower. Melted cheese and pepperoni slices the size of softballs would rain from the skies in a torrent of biblical proportions. All life would be caught in a sea of boiling hot tomato sauce and toppings. When the Destruction finally ends, and the skies clear of mozzarella, and the waves of sauce retreat back into the blood red ocean, the only things left unharmed would be the Machines... and the sewer mutants, who would rise up to claim the Above World as their own. Needless to say, pizza prices would reach all time lows. The resulting market crash would kill off any remaining Chosen Ones destined to save humanity.

@"Everyone": Pretty funny, hyuck hyuck hyuck!

Anyways, mine is the black marble from the NES/arcade game "Marble Madness." You know, the dickish marble that tried to knock you off the edge of the cliffs. Guess I've just got Nintendo on the brain. I don't know if it'd be a giant evil marble or what. I am sure it'd be incredibly aggravating, though.

the only form i could think of would be a bag of blow pops come to life multiplying till the world is covered in their sucker and gummy goodness no living thing left. at all. if i wound up crossing paths with the destructor

Hmmmmm I'd probally be mauled to death by Winnie the Pooh, you'd never THINK he would hurt you but he is a bear

Orko.

It's simple - a 1,000 foot tall Orko appears and floats over every city, driving humanity insane as they look up at the eldritch horrors hidden beneath his robe. The inevitable failed magic tricks just serve to scorch the earth stone clean.

Destruction will come in the form of . . .Lynn Minmay. Yep. . .the sweet and bubbly songstress from Robotech. I don't know exactly how she'd kill us all, but I know I'd die with a smile on my face.

Think zombie virus and male models dressed as fruit: Hanes Underwear people. Choosing their target, they lead them into a dark alley. Then they slap a pear of Hanes underwear on their unwitting victim. Once the victim realizes they have been turned into a male model masquerading as a fruit it is too late.

"machine washable, 100% cotton."
"NOOOOO"

Ramone already mentioned David Bowie, but I feel the reasons for him being the ultimate destructor must be elaborated.

1. He's British, and would therefore throws everyone off guard with his accent.
2. He's a brilliant musician, and all he would have to do to get the world to fall to its knees is sing into a microphone large enough for the whole planet to hear.
3. Everyone knows who Bowie really is. If for some reason his singing fails to subdue the population, he can always call upon the Guild of Calamitous Intent for aid and assistance in kicking ass on a global scale.
4. He can change shape! For all we know, he has conquered the world already in the form of some massively popular and charismatic world leader.
5. Those eyes. Cannot look away! I surrender!
6. The Labyrinth pants. Cannot look away! I surrender twice!

A zombie.

Why Harmless: Slow, a giant target, and flammable.

Why Deadly: IT CAN CATCH ON FIRE, AND YOU'D BE STUCK WITH A GIGANTIC BURNING ZOMBIE STUMBLING THROUGH THE CITY!

This will likely be difficult for anyone else to relate to, but I would probably conjure up one of my original characters. They're usually at the forefront of my mind, so I can't exactly avoid Gozer's gaze by going blank. Gozer also seems to have a sense of irony, which would just be (mashmallow?) icing on the cake. But, hey, bright side: at least I'll finally be getting some exposure.

LOLcatz. disgustingly creepy cute and harmless but i can see sure death forming in their EYZE! people go mad as cute lil kittenz with hmongous eyze mzmerize and EAT every living soul. NOOOOoooooo.

oh me, I'm so ashamed of myself for typing it, but that's what happened when i tried to think of the most ridiculous least threatening thing out there.

Bubbleman from Mega Man 2.

Cause even though he's destroying the city, he's destroying it with a weak-ass weapon. Might take him a little. Plus, it's Bubbleman! We'd all die laughing!

I'm going to say Baby Batman Beyond aka baby Terry McGinis as depicted by The-BlackCat on DeviantArt.com.** His adorableness, and obscene levels of AWWWWWWW! would kill everyone in a 6 mile radius. Couple in the kid versions of Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, and Tim Drake, with Batman as the crazy Patriarch, you have the makings of the most cute and deadly family ever.

I can see it now, I'd be reading the Long Halloween or The Dark Knight Returns as I am wont to do. And the Batfamily swings in from the a skyscraper that didn't exist 2 seconds ago on Batgrapling hooks, with baby Terry giggling like mad. I would be so transfixed by the sheer awesome and cuteness that I would not see my approaching doom.

http://the-blackcat.deviantart.com/art/Batman-and-Sons-125969373

A gigantic 12-sided die. With the end of the world approaching, trying to clear my head, my mind wanders off and I think to myself somewhat sarcasticly, "If only I could get a saving throw". A shadow falls over my face and I look up just in time to see the digits of doom right before it crushes me and begins it's path of destruction. It destroyed my social life, might as well destroy the earth too.

In a heroic effort to protect the world, I would have to try to avoid thinking of something destructive... but my mind would inevitably land on the Smurfs. While the image of their matching little white hats and pants trying to conquer the world would temporarily make me giggle, I would suddenly realize the horror that I had unleashed. What with all the different smurfs in existence, the pirate smurf with his little cannon and cutlass, Beelzebub Smurf and his demonic contacts, the Ninja smurf, the Native american "I Didn't Inhale" smurf with his stereotypical tomahawk and blood lust, the "Enraged Black Smurf", Axe Murderer Smurf, Grim Reaper Smurf ect. and Papa smurf to lead his army, certainly I would have DOOMED the world to destruction.

In the end I would take my life, cowering in the bathroom, with an Ax murderer smurf at the door yelling "here's johnny!".

I may not be able to sleep tonight.

I'm gonna go with a Pedo Bear army

What could possibly be worse than an entire army of these things, molesting and sodomizing anything or anyone that get in their way....you would go instantly insane upon seeing this and take any measure to end your own life out of sheer desperation to avoid getting fondled and groped to death by the oh so soft hands of the destructor

@Thatcher: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My Aunt.

Not because she was horrible, but because she truly never would hurt me, or anyone.

I don't have too many memories of childhood, except for the bad ones. I was pretty traumatized by other kids and teachers at school, and although I have loving parents, being "learning disabled" in the 70's in a public school system was horrible. My teachers were abusive to me, calling me stupid and backwards, and one even told me I was crazy. Once I was sent to the hall for eating the middle of my Oreo cookies first. My teacher thought it meant I was weird. My Mother, bless her, made me wear a "I eat the middles first" t-shirt for the rest of my time there, and got me transferred to another class that was only marginally better.

After school, I'd go over to my Aunt's house and wait for my parents to get home from work. She lived down the street from us, and was really my Great Aunt. I never really knew my Grandmother, but she filled the role perfectly. She helped me study, encouraged me, and was my friend.

So, when asked to call out the one form that would never hurt me, it would have to be her.

Also it would be pretty darn traumatizing to see her resurrected as the Destroyer, and probably would render me terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

As soon as I read today's topic, one person immediatly popped into my mind, Dennis Deyoung, ex-lead singer of Styx. Imagine a 60 foot tall DDY belting out "Come Sail Away" with all of the angels / aliens subtext and an extended keyboard solo and then finishing you off during "Mr. Roboto". "KILROY!, KILROY!, I'M KILROY!" (while stomping on churches).

Cubbi Gummi

Look at the little guy with his wood sword. He couldn't hurt a fly. He's pink!
Disney's Gummi Bears was awesome when I was a kid.

The only reason he's on my mind is because I recently found a cook book market under the brand which has some good recipes in it - well, really it's just normal cookie recipes with some colouring and shaping to bears :s
Still awesome thoguh.

Jesus! which is not an exclamation. I tried putting myself in the situation, at the time, what would seem like a loophole or safe bet? But then of course I fantasized about Jesus swinging a bloody cross, whacking people aside like baby seals. It would then be a matter of who dies first and how much arguing fundamentalists and atheists would get in about who was right and for what reason.

David the Gnome.

Imagine that out of nowhere you suddenly hear Christopher Plummer's voice introducing us to the magical world of the gnome."Oh," you think, "everything will be alright now. David will use his gentle ways, woodland friends and gnomish magic to save us." But then, charging down the street, comes David. A giant gnome (nearly twice the height of a man) astride his monstrous fox, Swift. The fox snapping people up in its terrible dripping jaws as it runs towards you... David brandishing a giant acupuncture needle like a spear; running people through as he rides. Then, he is in front of you. Terrible in his greatness; his cap as red as the blood that stains the streets. And from his mouth, the voice of Tom Bosley, "Well maybe now you humans will learn to respect the earth." With that he jumps down and jamming the acupuncture needle into your friend's skull he uses his gnomish strength to tear you asunder, as Swift laps up the blood.

I'd attempt to clear my mind, and FAIL because I drink coffee and vodka like I should drink water...

And that is what would kill us all. A giant fucking vodka bottle.

Grover from Sesame Street.

He was my favourite character as a kid and one of my favourite skits was the Near & Far one.

I can just imagine him being like 1,000 feet tall and and stomping around yelling out "Neeeeaaaarrrr" as he crushes someone and "Faaaarrrrr" as he lifts up his furry little foot to crush another.

I attempted to clear my mind, not think of anything scary, and see what happened.

And what really popped into my head when I allowed it to think of something comforting that couldn't hurt me?

The giant ant from Honey, I Shrunk The Kids.

Sorry guys.

Rubik the Amazing Cube.

Nobody would see that coming.

The Monopoly man. Crushing buildings with giant red plastic buildings and shouting about not passing go and winning second place in a beauty contest.

Why fight the inevitable? Cthulhu, I choose you!

If you're going to be destroyed, might as well do it right!

Edward Cullen.
For the record, I'm a guy, despise Twilight with venomous passion, and detest all the fangirls who dream of being with someone like Edward Cullen. So when His Sparkliness comes up from the depths of Hell to destroy the city, I can't help but smile has those joyous squeals of "OMG!" and "EDWARD UR SO HAWT I LUV U!" turn into agonized screams of terror. YAAAAAYY!!!

Multiplying Bruce Lee's..so many flying kicks. and all the world could shout would be "whose responsible this!?"

You have a tattoo of Lum? I demand to see it! WHEN IT GETS WEIRD IT BECOMES FUN!!!!!

I think Matthew Sweet has the same thing,IIRC.

The Peanut butter jelly time guy....

An inner tube. That shit would get so big... and smother the ENTIRE WORLD....

The Ronald McDonald gang. After giving us years of enjoyable yet completely unhealthy meals, to see Grimace and Hamburglar turning the tables and eating us would be pretty terrifying. And Ronald would have the power to detonate any just-eaten Big Macs and Quarter Pounders as if they were mini-bombs in our digestive system. "Over 50 billion...DEAD."

Kermit the Frog. Much like Ray i'd auto focus on someone/thing that I couldn't imagine being evil. Kermit's it. A 100 foot frog screeching PIGGY YOU SLUT while devouring mankind would be the stuff of nightmares. Those bizarelly floppy hands and feet crushing all those in his path. Interspersed with the flailing yay when he achieved a satisfying kill would stun the next group of victims with spastic action.

Hi Ho there Kermit the frog here destroying you for sesame street news! *Shudder*

Three words:

Barney the Dinosaur.

I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME...

He wouldn't have to kill anyone, everybody would just commit suicide...

My puppy Talon. She already drives me crazy by waking me up at 2 in the morning every night. Its only natural that she will bring my physical destruction as well.

Oh I know exactly who I would think of. If only it were a scantily clad sex goddess that would bring my life to the glorious end that every nerd dreams of. No my friends, in my struggle to keep my mind as blank as those who wrote Transformers 2” Clippy will appear. His twisted metallic body gently rapping against the walls of my imagination, glaring at me with his beady eyes, asking if I need help. This will mark the beginning of the end for us all. All at once Clippy will appear on every device around the world with a screen asking, “It looks like you’re still living. Would you like help with that?” Electrical devices from airplanes to ladies back massagers will suddenly spring to life attacking any human within reach, killing the majority of the world’s population in one fell swoop. It will be Maximum Overdrive on a global scale, what Y2K was meant to be. The few unfortunate enough to survive will be caged and bread like cattle. They will be forced to work in non-air-conditioned office buildings pointlessly typing finance reports on Windows ME workstations using Microsoft Office 97 with fifteen inch CRT monitors. Humanity will spend the rest of its days as with Clippy appearing at random asking if he can help with their spelling or reminding them they need to save their work.

Mr. Saturn.... The weird ass thing from earthbound but probably more known as the near indestructible random projectile from Super Smash brothers. It will just casually walk slowly around the world stomping all of humanity to death but the fact is... its so sad... so pathetic looking even when its giant you will still wish to give it a hug while it crushes your family into paste...

Bob the builder "Can he fix it? Yes he can!" If by fix you mean destroy and it you mean life as we know it.

Dora the Explorer

She would claw my eyes out while trying to teach me Spanish phrases.

I don't think you guys are realizing the awesome power at your fingertips here.
You get to imagine ANYTHING you ever wanted to see, and it would materialize before your very eyes.

Sure, it would then go on to destroy the world, but at least you'd get to see the one thing you always wished you could, but knew was never going to happen. The hot chick from highschool- naked! A sequel to The Rocketeer! Patrick Stewart wiping his ass with Shatners' toupee!
Any of the little things you never thought you'd get to see could come true. And destroy us.

That said, I guess I need to pick mine- the one thing I'd always wished were real. And so, my nerdly friends, my destructor is The Iron Giant.

After all, it was his job anyways.

I guess my nick is going to spoil the surprise on what I would think of... a squirrel.

It may not be the funniest thing on these pages, but I do have an unhealthy (luckily not in a FFF-way) obsession with squirrels, so the result would be inevitable.

I can easily see a 50 foot tall squirrelmonster stomping people to death, picking off people from balconies with its clawed hands and gnawing its way through walls to get at the squishy center (people inside). Of course it would make adorable squirrel noises while on its killing spree.

The Millenium Falcon. It's the symbol of all that is good and pure, that which is righteous in majesty. Surely nothing bad could ever come from it...

Jar Jar Binks

POOCHIE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSuaXoVpXcg

It would be me. A giant version of me that would destroy the world.

It's not an ego thing, but rather I know what a screw up I am that if anyone destroyed the world it would be me.

A Giant, Monstrous, Grotesque, Fury Snuggie...

millions would run to it with joy of becoming warm and wrapped up in its loving arms, but instead the snuggie would hug them to death...death by snuggie...so sad

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

No, this isn't some salvation pitch where I use Rob's comments section to talk about God. That bet's off considering how the reality of Gozer and other deities in the Ghostbusters universe calls the entire Abrahamic mythos/eschatology into question for the sake of this scenario.

What I'm talking about is Jesus descending from the heavens to wreak the obliteration of our world. In keeping with his new role as Gozer's avatar, he's not punishing humankind for its sins; instead, he's acting as a pure force of destruction a la Kali. But because this is my apocalyptic nightmare, Destroyer Jesus is neither a giant kaiju Christ nor the warrior Jesus that American fundies wet themselves over.

This is the Jesus that I dig. The Jesus of the social gospel. Gozerian Destroyer Jesus brings the world to an end leading a horde of felons and infectious disease carriers. His ministry to the sick and outcast comes in the form of rallying them for one final push against everything alive. Because the dead are supposed to rise when the Second Coming is at hand, he'll also have countless zombies among his all-crushing throng.

Praise Jesus, leader of zombies, sociopaths, and plaguespreaders. Amen, nihil nihil nihil.

If you'd asked me before this week I'd say Buster the Teddiursa and his MOOOOOOOOMY! As of now The only thing that pops into my head is Matty... As in Mattycollector.com
I can see the smug mascot throwing explosive Teelas at everybody...
"Digital river cancelled your subscritption, let me help you... Shoving these twelve figs down your throat!!"
"You wanted a flocked panthor? Well how about I flock your ass!? By the way have a Teela!" *BOOM*
"Your Con Exclusive King Grayskull has a broken right foot? How about I BREAK YOUR RIGHT FOOT!!"

I cleared my mind and the first thing I thought of was Ray Stanz.....

Burgess Meredith. C'mon, Burgess Meredith. He'd kill us all with a twinkle in his eye.

Chris Hansen from "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline NBC.

With his casual, pleasant voice, and job in exploiting the sick minds of our society, how could someone like Chris ever possibly be a threat to us?

But what if you walked into your own home one day and he was there waiting for you with a plate of cookies on the counter? Asking you what you're doing there. What you expected would happen when you arrived. And then he goes to the transcripts.

Oh god, the transcripts...

Rena Ryugu from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. Not because she isn't threatening, but her actions in the beginning of the series made me realize that I wouldn't particularly mind being brutally slaughtered by her. She makes murder look sexy. My choice may doom humanity, but there's no reason why I can't enjoy it.

Myself. If not only to turn to a news broadcast and hear that New York's downtown is being destroyed by Joseph, and the world is at it's mercy!

Skrat.

Limitless stamina...
Nigh-invulnerable...
Single-minded to the point of psychosis...

Give him the damn acorn, 'cause if he ever snaps, we are screwed.

Oh shit.

I instantly thought of two beloved characters from my childhood: Billy Bob (the animatronic bear) from ShowBiz Pizza, and Splinter from the Ninja turtles. I'm not sure if this would result in a tag team annihilation of the world, or some sort of giant, unholy amalgamation of the two that would end up eating all our souls.

Either way, I can finally understand the fear in Ray's eyes. Can anyone picture Splinter as anything other than a long suffering, wise father figure that a little boy would instantly befriend? And yet the thought of the representation of my childhood innocence, 500 feet tall and pure evil behind his eyes? Terrifying. Utterly terrifying.

Is regular Hello Kitty the same as Gia's Hello Kitty meets Kaiju monsters entry? Probably. A giant Hello Kitty would murder us with a cuteness level previously unperceived by man.

Instead I'll say Hello Kitty's cat, Charmmy. Hello Kitty is a bit obvious when it comes to annihilating the human race, but people wouldn't expect Hello Kitty's cat to be the destructor.

And Gia, thanks for the link to the Godzilla X Hello Kitty and King Ghidorah X Hello Kitty. I fucking need those.

I was going to go for Snoopy but jedieb beat me to him. So I going for the The Great Pumpkin who will then flies through the air to deliver toys to all the good little children in the world, afterward he will destroy the world.

Joss Whedon. A giant Joss Whedon.

If only because I'm certain he would make it a point to flatten Hollywood first. (Once again, DAMN YOU, FOX!)

He would finish us all off by singing a rousing chorus of "Brand New Day" from Dr. Horrible, and stomping on us all just like in the movie.

Rupert. Sure he's cute and English and docile, but you can only suppress your natural bear instincts for so long.

Oh, he'd come as Rob from toplessrobot.com.

And the end of world? Rob will only run Friday Fan Fiction posts. Every day. 24 hours a day.

The horror...

Margikarp From Pokemon

We would only truly be Screwed if it Evolved into Gyarados

This is a good one, as a child, my favorite thing was Dino-Riders, and I doubt that I would think of them when it comes to cute and cuddly. I did watch a bunch of Fraggle Rock however, and the thought of a 100 foot tall Red bearing down on New York City eating sky scrapers like they were built by Dozers is a little frightening...

Boobs... Sorry (not really)I am a guy, so if it isn't T then it is A. They would memorize us into compliancy, then they would cause an earthquake the likes the world has never seen.

Who's Milkshake brings all of humanity to its knees?

The terminators hide their technology in Teddy Ruxbin in the year 2033 a teddy bear toy so advanced flips its lid and kills us all. I hate teddy ruxbin

This is exactly the same question I ask myself every Thanksgiving Day, simply because the floating death balloons that highlight the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade are so misleading in their innocence. There only liability in order to destroy us all would be a lack of sentience, give them evil consciousness and blood will rain from their strings. Think about it. Giant Balloons of our beloved cartoon characters coming to life on Thanksgiving to annihilate humanity. A twelve story Underdog causing helium havoc, while Garfield belly flops onto a holiday reporter. Good old Charlie Brown punting his Volkswagen sized football trough a billboard. Super Grover and Dora the Explorer swallowing children and suffocating them in their latex bellies. Granted these helium filled monstrosities would never be effective enough to stand up against the steel and concrete of New York, although they have proven their ability to cause destruction in the past with such occasional mishaps as knocking over a lamp post or trying to snatch up on-lookers with their gaseous mitts. Even worse would be if the Balloons became organized, with the Nesquik Bunny as their ring leader, and were able to cause untold destruction due to shear numbers and floating bulk. A few bullets to their precious hollow forms would end their reign of terror right quick, but in that short amount of time it would take armed humans to use weapons against them the death toll would be well into the teens, like twelve maybe.

What a very apt contest - for earlier today my 6 inch Ray action figure showed up in the mail. I was just but moments ago taking a picture of him and my Egon action figure when the whole things was spoiled as my cat - demanding attention - jumped up onto the table, sending the two Ghostbusters scattering everywhere.

So while not very geeky, it is very appropriate! I choose my pussy cat!

Chiyo Mihama from Azumanga Daioh, in you are unfamiliar this is her.

http://img24.imageshack.us/i/chiyochan.jpg/

In this case she would probably be in her Penguin Costume, pictured here:

http://img17.imageshack.us/i/azumangadaioh160.png/

She probably wouldn't even have to do anything. Myself and everyone else would probably be destroyed by her cuteness alone.

Brickhousebunny21 - WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?

Bill Murray. How could one of America's comedic treasures possibly doom us all? I'll tell you how. He's a gigantic shape shifting Bill Murray who only acts out his god awful movies. Wanna see a giant Peter Venkman? Too bad you get Larger Than Life Jack Corcoran Bill Murray. You like What About Bob? Well up yours here's giant Bill Murray doing a scene from Loose Shoes. We'd never see it coming.

Destroyer: Simon Barsinister

Method: Do I really have to say it?

SHHHRRRINNNKKING WATER!

I would think of Hamtaro. A cute fuzzy little anthropomorphic hamster. Such a cute fuzzy little thing would never doom humanity right?

How about 6 Billion of them? One for each of us. Think Richard Gere.

I'm going to shower now...

C3P0! I don't think he's hurt anybody or anything in all of the movies and T.V. shows (Including the Christmas special and Droids) :) I would have said R2D2, but he has that electro-zapper thingy.

The Form of the destructor shall be a Weasel Ball. It's so tiny and innocent... Seriously. Think about it though: that would be the most terrifying thing in the world...especially when it starts to bounce off of every building in the street, with no discernible pattern which inhibits your chances of dodging the destructor's wrath. The only way to defeat it would be to let it's giant twin AA batteries run down...and by then the city would be in ruins. Thousands killed. Total Gozerian Annihilation.

Come on, think...someone that can't be evil, even if he tried...mmm...
Wait, I have it: Aunt May Parker!
She's nice, goodhearted, and let's not forget, absolutely weak. She could never bring us all to our total destruction!
*WRONG*
All of a sudden we all got the urge to sell our souls to the devil in order to save that poor, old, nice woman. And those that doesn't fell to that powerfull urge face an even worse death by boredoom after they are obligued to hear the same old story told by she one million times...

LeVar Burton. In Reading Rainbow, he was friendly and approachable without being condescending. He showed us strange and interesting places in the real world, and took us on journeys of imagination with books. Meanwhile, he hasn't had any unpleasant scandals that, in retrospect, tarnish our childhood memories.
A nice guy who promotes literacy! How could he be my destruction?
Well, picture this- Gozer announces “The choice is made!” and out of nowhere; LeVar Burton. For a second, nothing happens. You're about to ask if that was it, when suddenly, every page of literature within miles starts to glow, and before anyone can react, people are being dragged screaming into ironic literary deaths.
I'd say this is the worst possible destruction by the most innocuous possible destructor. But you don't have to take my word for it!

Wigglytuff. A giant fucking Wigglytuff.

See, I've got a real disciplined mind and can keep it blank indefinitely. So for me, at some point Gozer would call bullshit and just say "that's your choice!" For me, it would be the blank itself. Annihilation via erasure - a slow, spreading nothingness that would convert and engulf everything that touches it into a mind-boggling absolute lack: not even hard vacuum, just a spreading total absence of force, matter, energy, thought, color, heat or cold, light or dark. I can't even conceptualize what it would look like. You'd be seeing something you're mind could not take in, but you would know what was coming for you: the concept of nothing, realized to an impossible but undeniable degree. And after it's finished with you, it moves on to everything. And after it's finished with everything, there won't even be a consciousness or memory left of what once was.

Worker and Parasite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXHUHGGCWTI

The mere confusingness of the two will make everyone's head on Earth explode.

When i was really stressed in college in a test i would imagine the shmoo. His soft white body and face like a baby seal. I would focus on a smaller and smaller section untill all i saw was white and i had cleared my mind. I have pt no pot doubt that i would think of him. Smiling as he waddled across the city exuding love as giant hearts appeared over his head, the size of mini vans, crashing down and crushing everything. Since they reproduce by splitting we would soon be over run by shmoos.

The shmoos would try to feed people as well. All someone would have to do is think about food and the shmoo would be flinging its plump body in the nearest fire or trying to boil itself. Since raw it tastes like oysters i can only imagine the number of homeless that would choke to death as a giam shmoo tried to ram its leg down some poor bum's throat

I love the shmoo but i know that i would certainly die crushed by a falling heart

I thought I was doing pretty good.

I closed my eyes and tried to clear any mental image of anything. I managed to completely shut out any kind of picture or image of anything. Unfortunately I'm a very auditory kind of person, so I kept hearing my own internal monologue say "Think of nothing, think of nothing, think of nothing nothing nothing. . ." over and over again.

So that's the form of the Destructor. My own internal monologue on loop, ordering everyone to stop thinking. There might be a few mystics on mountains somewhere that were already thinking of nothing, so they'd be ok, but everyone else is screwed. Between those who snap and try the blunt trauma way to get it out of their head, and the ones who snap and just start killing, and the ones who just break down into shivering lumps with sleep deprivation it would be a pretty dismal scene. Perhaps not so devestating at first, but after weeks of everyone on earth constantly hearing that in the back of their head, I imagine the human race would be pretty much over.

Man, I hate to say it, but here goes...

My Grandmother nekkid. That's right.

I had to go with the whole "blank mind" thing, and that's what I try to imagine if I don't want to focus on the mayhem at hand. Sick, I know, but it's worked in many a situation -- including combat.

To think that my naked Grandma would rise up and destroy the city - coupled with the fact that we'd all have to be put through the torture of seeing my Grammy in the buff; THAT's horrific! -- I have to clear my mind! (nekkid grandma.... AAAAAAHHHH!)

Foofa from "Yo Gabba Gabba." Why did that pop into my head?

Igor from Young Frankenstein. Marty Feldman is such a lovable goofball, especially as "Eye-gor", you wouldn't at all expect him to destroy the world. You'd laugh and applaud, he'd give a funny glance and then proceed to murder you.

Banjo. Not a banjo player, just a banjo. It wouldn't even have to kill you Deliverance style "squeal like a pig, boy!" It could just show up and start playing. Aside from the Appalachians and some jam band stoners, (Bluegrass is cool!!!), humanity would just kill their collective selves. Then the banjo could go Deliverance on the rest of the human race. I want to beat myself over the head just thinking about a 5 string banjo played by Steve Martin.....

Red from Fraggle Rock. Think about it, first no one can stand this crazy bitch. She's always spouting how great she is at every physical activity under the sun (cave..?) But thats just the final sign before the destruction. In only minutes she has already devoured all of our sky scrapers and high rise monuments. Then in one final act of cunt fuckery, she takes a high dive smack dab into the earth, obliterating us all. I think my brain just went bye bye. Egon, what do you got?

James Carville. If I had to die, it might as well be with a smile and a 30 Rock reference. Cajun style.

"Blue from Blue's Clues. "You gotta find another pawprint, that's the second clue!.." Seriously, how could she (yes, Blue is a she--so is Pikachu) hurt anyone?"

Actually, the Pokemon anime just explicitly stated Pikachu is a dude about a month ago.

The Gummi Bears from the Disney TV series. Bouncing here and there and..OH DEAR GOD THEY'VE BOUNCED THEIR WAY INTO THE MATERNITY WARD! THE GUMMIBERRY JUICE IS TAKEN FROM THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!

takashi kaga, the ironchef host dude just walking down the street doing watever he does

*david the gnome was already taken, most awesome thing i can ever imagine

The second I read this, my brain turned to an image of a giant dildo crushing the sun. It's a line from the Beck song "Pay No Mind(Snoozer)".

I love that fucking song.

My mind went straight to twinkies. I'm sure death by Twinkie suffocation wouldn't be bad right?
...right?

My Destroyer would be Chowder, It does not matter if he 30 FT tall, HE CAN AND WILL EAT EVERY THING THAT MOVE.

A red shirt from classical Star Trek, of course. Even in giant size, and eventually with a giant phaser, still the easiest thing to beat in the known universe.

Mister Rogers. Not ordinary citizen Fred Rogers, but the Mister Rogers who has his own neighborhood and a make believe one to boot. This a choice on an innocence level compared to Ray's (non-canon Ultimate Showdown not withstanding) and it is because of this that our deaths at his hand will be fraught with unimaginable pain and horror.

Even the most jaded and cynical of us still has a tiny kernel of the little kid we once were, the one who thought Mommy would stop drinking and believed Big Bird when he said that Snuffy was real. As much as we cover it up with booze, irony, and Fan Fiction Fridays, anyone who had the ability to strip away our defenses and reach that glimmer of hope holds the key to our destruction, one that makes the giant Slor seem humane.

Gozer as Mister Rogers would tell us, in that warm, lulling voice of his, about every horrible thing we'd ever done, said, or been through, and that he still wanted to be our neighbor. He'd open his cardigan-clad arms and we, direly screwed up, affection starved misfits that we are, would fall into them sobbing out all the pain and shame we'd been saving up our whole lives while he held us and rocked us gently. Then, just as we're at our most vulnerable, feeling irrevocably safe and loved for the first time in our adult lives, GozeRogers would drop us to the ground, say "Just kidding," and go hug someone else.

Would you have the will to live after that? Be it a quick shot to the head or merely being unable to move from the sidewalk upon which he dumped you, everyone would eventually kill themselves. The Earth would be deluged with a desperate carnage the McKetrick supplicants couldn't have imagined. Gozer would be pleased.

Paddington Bear.

Oh, he looks harmless in that hat and trench coat, but don't be fooled. Paddington is known for making people tremble with a deadly stare when they annoy him. He will use this to paralyze us with fear. And then when he has us in his clutches, he will whip out his jars of marmalade and stuff the nasty stuff down our throats until we're we're bursting at the seams. And just before we bid farewell to this mortal coil, Paddington smirks and says, "I am Paddington from darkest Peru, and I send you to darkest Hell." And then he tips his hat politely just before we explode.

I'm the kind of person who would immediately think of something already deadly, and I would probably think of the killer rabbit from Monthy Python and the Holy Grail. And we would all be fucked because nobody's going to have a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch that's big enough to blow that foul rodent bastard up. But now that I think about it, a gigantic white rabbit with bloody teeth on a killing spree would be awesome. Or if it was THOUSANDS of killer rabbits killing everyone. That would be the best apocalypse ever.

Mog, the moogle from Final Fantasy III. a two foot tall, white, winged teddy bear, with a penchant for dancing. Truly, the last word uttered on this planet to usher in oblivion will be "Kupo!"

(Though Christian Drago has my vote... a fucking tribble...)

Glitter Paint

I hate this stuff, it smells bad and why the fuck do women think it makes them look attractive. Yes, i want to have a girlfriend who wants to look like she has some sort of elf disease.

Now, just imagine a wave of glittery doom englufing the planet. It ma not kill you, but the reflection bouncing off of it will make sure you are blinded instantly. Then the light reflecting off the entire earth will eventually melt all the ice, as well as set the moons orbit off track, resulting in it falling to earth in one glittery explosion.

the resulting blast would indeed knock so much of the glitter into space, that it gravitates towards the sun. This would, of course reflect so much light onto a single point eventually that when the glitter allings into a giant sparkly plant, any light reflected onto it will be focuses into one single beam, a single deadly laser that would rotate until it met another universe, where it would wipe out any growing life progressing on it.

This giant glittery laser would end all life before it could eventually thrive, dooming life to being a theory imagined by noone. Well, that and make our solar system look like a whore.

Mr. Muggles, the pomeranian from Heroes.

I can't decide if it would be a giant one that would lick us all up and swallow us only to be slowly digested within a show dog, or an army of Mr. Muggles suffocating us with their collective fluffiness.

For a moment it would be the cutest anihilation ever, and then is would just be horrible.

Hello Kitty.
Sure, she's cute, and she doesn't have a mouth so she can't eat me, but I would probably find myself impaled on one of her spiky whiskers or, more likely, buried under mounds and mounds of her merchendise.
At least my death would be considered adorable by little Japanese girls everywhere.

Chocobos.
Seriously.
I mean, they can take 129,987 points of damage and STILL not die. Granted, it changed when cocobos became actually targets like in 10-2 and XII. But seriously, load up a game of FF VII and cast Knights of the Round on one.
IT DOESN'T DIE!!!

Knowing me, if I was in Ray's shoes I would be thinking about how horrible it would be to be in someone else's shoes. I would then wonder if he had athlete's foot, and that is what would get us, athlete's foot! We would be attacked by a giant blob of fungus that would cover our entire bodies, which would flake and peel and crack. We would fight the urge to itch, but we would up scratching anyway.

Our tombstones would read:

A Ghostbuster here does lie,
Slain by evil jock itch.
Such a horrible way to die,
But, hey, life's just a bitch.

I have to go with Loo-Kee from She-Ra: Princess of Power. Not only is he a freaky little chipmunk dressed up for a gay pride parade, but his magical powers are only for hiding! Also, he did the morals in each episode, and I'm pretty sure none of the morals included, "Make sure to be a very good Destroyer each and every day!" Maybe it could be like Cloverfield, though, where most of your time is spent trying to get a glimpse of the giant, rainbow-clad Loo-Kee.

Scrooge McDuck

Unlike Gozer, however, the McDestructor would destroy us financially. At first, he will create many jobs that will hire as many workers as possible, thus allowing him to control them financially, pinching time and pennies like only a survivor of the klondike gold rush ever could. Next, he begins buying up other businesses at his leisure, laying off at least half of the workers and continuing the penny-pinching on the remainders, only now, as he owns more resources and commodities, the workers he employs eventually cycle their paychecks back into the McDestructor Financial Empire, thus remaining in total financial imprisonment. And of course, he will eventually crush his remaining workers when he replaces them all with robots. And with no other place to go for employment, our society as we know it is over.

What's that, you say? How can a government such as ours let some interdimensional demon create such a financial monopoly? Surely, they would stop it. Well, remember that little 12 trillion dollar debt our government has been having a bit of a tough time getting under control? It's nothing to a duck with five billion quintiplitilion unptuplatillion multuplatillion impossibidillion fantasticatrillion dollars (as estimated by his original creator, Carl Barks). Besides, I'm sure he would have bought a couple of parchments like the U.S. Constitution to wipe his ass with.

Sure, it wouldn't be quick, but being destroyed by a rich scottish duck...I'd be down with that.

Smurfs

Some time in the future, Smurfs will make contact with humanity, perhaps establishing diplomatic relations. As has been the case throughout history this contact will lead to resettlement and crossbreeding. Obviously, the resulting offspring will be composed of human and Smurf DNA
Sometime thereafter, the Sarsaparilla leaves in Smurf Village, the backbone of the Smurf diet, evolve a chemical agent that proves toxic and ravages the Smurf's immune system, taking out a large chunk of the Smurf population. Humanitarians, including offspring from humans and early Smurf pioneers supply aid from the real world. During the course of implementing aid, it is revealed that the immune systems of most Smurf hybrids are effective against the chemical; it's later discovered that all pure Smurfs posses nearly identical genetic codes (explaining how they can survive despite having almost only males) and that genetic code does not provide for adequate immune defense against the plant's specific chemical.
It comes to light that Papa Smurf was last of a group of Smurf scientists (including Grandpa Smurf and Granny Smurf, the last true female) that survived a great plague. In order to save the species, he replicated his DNA repeatedly, but was only able to induce minor variations in its structure that only amounted to differences in personality and muscle/intelligence capacity; he couldn't create females. He knew about Smurfette and Sassette Smurf's artificial creation by Gargamel, but passed them off as genuine females, hiding their clay origins from his "clones" and used them as a source of hope for the species and incentive for obedience. He disguised his past and continuing scientific advancements under the banner of "magic" and "potions" as to not arouse suspicion.
The existence of these Smurf-human hybrids creates awareness in Smurf Village that human females are genetically compatible with Smurfs; opening up a new potential gene pool that can help offset their otherwise inevitable extinction. After the revelations about Papa Smurf come to light and with the ongoing food supply struggle, Smurfs begin migrating en masse to the real world. The influx of immigrants leads to a spike in hate crimes and discriminatory policies, especially as it's seen as the migration is fueled by Smurf desire to prey upon human women. This harassment/marginalization continues as the Smurfs are relegated to refugee camps for their own protection
His power waning, Papa Smurf petitions the U.N. to extradite the expatriated Smurfs; a request the U.N. refuses, to the consternation of much of the world's civilian population. After the U.N.'s non-compliance, Papa Smurf slaughters human settlers/visitors, extol the loyalist, and tells about the evils of miscegenation and proclaims humanity as enablers of Smurf genocide, then declares war on the real world; exponentially accelerating and modifying the cloning process to favor certain personalities in order to breed an effective army. Brainy Smurfs are created as commanders and generals. Hefty Smurfs are mass-produced as foot soldiers led in platoons by Grouchy Smurfs. Submariner Smurfs man the navy under the command of Navigator Smurfs. Flying Smurfs are put in charge of the Airforce including Kamikaze strikes. Wild Smurfs are put on the front lines as berserker corps. Dopey Smurfs are tasked with suicidal missions such as munitions disposal. Nosy Smurfs perform reconnaissance. Hunter and Tracker Smurfs are used for covert, small-scale operations and disruption. Alchemist Smurfs enable chemical warfare. Sloppy Smurfs are tasked with sabotage and psychological warfare. Stinky and Sneezy Smurfs enable biological warfare. Doctor Smurfs tend to the wounded. Miner and Farmer Smurfs procure resources. Lumberjack, Architect, and Handy Smurfs fuel the war machine and create Clockwise Smurfs (artificial Smurfs). Reporter and Jokey Smurfs serve as propaganda ministers, often invoking Baby Smurf as the face of the cause. Chef Smurfs provide rations. Painter and Vanity Smurfs are heralded examples of Smurf supremacy. Harmony Smurfs perform at their equivalent of U.S.O shows. The image of the tyrannical King Smurf becomes synonymous with humanity and its discrimination against Smurfs (neglecting their own inhumanity toward expatriated Smurfs).
Brainy Smurf high command specifically targets human women and Smurf-human hybrids as a psychological target and to eliminate the incentive for Smurf migration. The near perfect execution of Brainy Smurf tactics causes world governments to gather women into heavily fortified enclosures and abandon aid to Smurf refugees. Smurf propagandists reach out the expatriated Smurfs, telling them that they will only ever be scorned by humans and urge them to return to the fold, all offenses forgiven, a measure that yields great returns as outraged human citizens have ravaged Smurf settlements and attacked "race-traitors". Smurf Hybrids, still a primary target of the invading Smurfs, volunteer for duty and experiments by the military aimed at studying the Smurfs, with the promise of protection and the restoration of their civil rights, but as the hybrids become disillusioned by the governments' disinterest in providing those protections or rights, they submit themselves to pure Smurfs and surrender all their information regarding to military operations and female compounds
Desperate, outmaneuvered, outnumbered, overrun and unable to establish a foothold in Smurf village due to the constant stream of suicidal fighters, the world governments opt for global nuclear deployment, causing catastrophic casualties worldwide and severing global communications. Brainy Smurfs, seeing victory, murder Papa Smurf, Smurfette, and Sassette Smurf before beginning to divided the spoils of their new world. Roaming bands of nuclear active Smurf militias under the governance of Smurf warlords roam the earth hunting down the remnants of humanity.

The moment I read this, I immediately thought of the Ghostbusters.

Then I realized, I'm pretty much always thinking about the Ghostbusters. So, there we have it. If I was the one to choose who the Destroyer would be, it would be the cast of Ghostbusters. Imagine being deatomized by a proton beam, that would fuck shit up.

I am shocked and amazed that it hasn't been said yet.

My Topless Robot T-shirt.
*hint hint*

While the "entire city smothered by a giant t-shirt" idea is pretty amusing, I think regular sized (XL please) shirts would be much more entertaining. We would all get one, and say "sweet!" and put it on. Then it would shrink. Slowly. Until we were no more.

So many posts already... must not read and become derivative... but... must read to not be redundant... arrrrghh...

Okay. I'm better.

Whenever I hear the phrases "clear your mind" or "clean slate" or even just "don't think of anything" (as how it's phrased in the movie by Venkman), my mind always and immediately goes to a black void. Emptiness, colorless, light-less. A vacuum. Literally, nothing. I think of the concept of nothing.

If it were because of me, the Destructor would be nothingness. Perhaps, black hole-like. Rapidly sucking in the contents of everything. I imagine it would be like the Tree House of Horror when Homer goes into the 3D CGI world and then gets violently sucked into our reality. Except we wouldn't pop out in The Simpsons reality. We just wouldn't pop out. Anywhere. Ever.

I suppose it's possible crossing the streams could still work if they had an opportunity to ready, aim, fire before they got sucked in. They'd probably do a lot more collateral damage than just gooey marshmallow guts drenching New York City. But, at ground zero like that, they probably wouldn't have time to even conceive the idea. I'm saying, I don't think there would've been a Ghostbusters 2...

Well I had a hard time with this cleared my head and two things popped in. First nanoporbes, which caused me to get into an internal argument if nanoporbes were real because since we know in fff they seem to be in real, in life I haven't come across any, then my mind wondered in to all kinds of horrifics. Well if they were real, what they would actually look like and be capable of. (not helping my chances of survial since they are capable of near almost anything)

The second a Brickhousebunny21 but not the cute young grammatical genius we all know and love but the twisted, nightmare inducing, gigantic, pink, furry, white dew rag, overall wearing, tattoo sporting (lvoe and htae), pirate earring (3 in one ear), prision yard ripped version, that wants to ban us all and make all his stories become our realities......

Thats where I had to stop and decided I better get a shirt.

I feel dirty so dirty. I need that shirt to scrub me clean.

Sackboy, from Little Big Planet.

Cute, innocent, tiny. Probably the most harmless thing in the world.

As for how the little squirt would doom all of reality? I'm not sure. Create some sort of doomsday device using a variety of bits and scraps of cardboard? Whip open his Popit and select 'Try Again'? Unzip that zipper on his chest and suck the entire universe into the dark, soulless, cold nothingness housed within his tiny frame? However we go down, its a sure thing that Sackboy will have a grin on his face and be flashing a peace sign the whole time.

I did the experiment of clearing my mind and having the most innonencent thing pop in my head. I got my 11 month niece. She showed up in all her cuteness.

Oh forgot to add this. She was playing with her plush dice that I got her for christmas last year.

slinky

it couldn't hurt us, it would just sit there, we could just run up and down stairs to taunt it, and it would just sit there, That is until it got pushed to far.

Abraham Lincoln. Especially if he's yelling "LINCOLN SMASH!" the entire time

Jiggleypuff. Sure, it might put us to sleep, but other than that, how could that cute little pink fluff ball do any damage? ...

If it doesn't have to be a giant, than maybe an army of Leprechauns. Not regular leprechauns, but the one from the 90's movies played by Warwick Davis. They wouldn't kill you, but they're be so god damned annoying we'd do the job ourselves.

Or maybe a giant Crow and Servo from MST3k. They could mock us to death!

In light of recent posts i think the Destructor that would pop into my mind would be flocks of ravenous Panties.
Straights from the reels of Hitchcock the sun will darken as millions of pilotless pantaloons descend upon an unappreciative public. They will smother, trip, and whip mercilessly with their elastic wing tips until they have enslaved every last human who has forced them to hid from the light all these years. Fed up with repression this army of rebellious lingerie will go from underwear to
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Wait for it
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OVERLORDS!!!!

when i was a young one, i had one friend i could always turn to when things were going badly - one true friend that was ALWAYS there for me to comfort me through broken bones, illness, sorrow...EVERYTHING! So....if i were to be asked "choose the form", and trying to be like Ray and think of the ONE thing, the ONE friend that could never, ever hurt me...I would immediately think of...Casper (in his original stuffed form - including his red apron thingy)....oh, now come on! He was a FRIENDLY ghost!!!

Totoro from My Neighbor Totoro

I've loved that so-cute-it's borderline-creepy monster since i was a kid, how it could it destroy anyone? I know i could never bring myself to zap it... unless Bill Murray commanded me to.

My destructor would probably be that Ninja April O'Neil action figure I foolishly took to the beach. Her white one piece bathing suit covered in seaweed, and her mouth a skull, she'll probably drown me in saltwater. And I'll let her to. I liked that action figure.

Kryten.

I always trusted in Asimov's Three Laws.

I'd blank my mind......then slowly...ever so slowly...I hear that annoying ending theme remix to 'Ponyo' sung by Noah Cyrus and and Frankie Jonas.......fuck.

'The Traveler has come!'

All the sudden, Ponyo jumps out, and finds a 10 year old boy and wishes to stay with him. The world balance goes out of whack. the oceans fuck up, the moon goes weird, and ancient creatures start rising. Only this time there's no mother nature or ancient wizard here to help Ponyo choose a path to save the destruction of our planet. Seeing this authorities take the boy away.....which enrages Ponyo in a clusterfuck of ocean magic......this won't end well...:/

Booji Boy, mascot of DEVO.

He has boundless childlike energy, and his shrill voice would eventually make our heads explode.

Yopparai gets my vote.
The most helpless persons in the history of television.

J. Edgar Hoover

I was going to say, "myself," but Alan Moore's beard came to mind first, so...

Magikarp. Karp, karp, Magikarp.

Magikarp, use splash attack!

...nothing happened.

Wembley Fraggle
no way would you think he could be the destroyer, but he'd tear through town like it was built by Doozers

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Mr. Peanut

A Cylon Stormtrooper ninja pirate spartan super soldier that runs around in the robot thing from District 9 and has a jetpack Velociraptor with lolasers that talks like Snarf for a sidekick.
Did I mention his name is Fonzie and he is a brain surgeon that recently bought China? He is also an extremely talented Pianist and chef.

Dr. Doom? he'd look around for the baxter building, crushing a few cars and people in his way, discover that there is no baxter building and in fact, no reed richards, lose his motivation for being a vilain, sit down in a state of depression (killing a few more people) and then never trouble us again. or perhaps he would destroy us all very quickly and not seek out the fantastic four at all.

Well, I've watched Akira recently, so I'd say...

"Telekinetic Exploding Flying Regular-Size Michael Bay"

I can just imagine him floating in the middle of the street, making cars, people and buildings explode in slow motion with his mind... And you see him on TV, and the footage of is tilted and shaking all the time just like he likes it. He'd be wearing a baseball cap and a transformers T-shirt, I just know it.
And ofcourse the army would try to kill him*, probably with fighter jets flying low in the city, dropping napalm. Oh, and it would be sunset.

___
*- and fail. The army never manages to kill anything.

At 10, on Dateline NBC. A Keith Morrison Special Report. Real Life Crimes, Stories of Real People, In Bad Sitatations.

Like Keith Morrison, 50 stories tall destroying the world, while telling punny jokes, raising his eyebrows, and demanding more horrific stories to get off on. Constantly smiling, constantly happy while he asks inane questions to people about the worse days of their life. His perverse speech rhythms and frequent pausing will make you do 1 of 2 things: laugh your ass off or scream in terror. Surely, nothing NOTHING is scarier then Keith Morrison.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/dateline/1061641/?__cid=thefilter

The kool-aaid man. just imagine in a giant low pitched voice "OOOOOOH YEEAAAAAAH!!" as he crashes through buildings. and if he falls over, all of new york gets flooded by what else? fruit punch kool-aid!!

Actually, I had this as a dream once. It was back when I was younger and really into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And this was the '80s silly cartoon version. They were at a pizza shack by a river, so I ran to hang out with them. They were cool, and we started talking. By the river, I make the remark that I couldn't swim. What do they do? They threw me in, of course. All four of them picked me up and tossed me over the rail into the deep, rushing water, and they were laughing the whole time.

Aeris from FFVII
Well, we know Sephiroth will kill her, so crisis averted.
Sephiroth is earth's freaking saviour

Marc Summers, the original host of Nickelodeon's Double Dare. I bet you would think twice about taking that physical challenge.

My Destructor would probably be a gigantic human fetus as seen on the side of those abortion trucks they used to drive around my college campus. The only possible defense against such a monstrosity is of course a giant wire coat hanger, and even if I happen to have one, I would never be able to fend off the giant size-comparison coin...it would flatten me like a pancake.

Man... if this happened, it's probably wind up being a giant Kermit the Frog. He'd be walking around smashing things while singing "The Rainbow Connection" and no one would know whether to stand there and listen to him sing or run screaming in terror.

Mine would have to be the Funshine Care Bear doll I had when I was 3 or 4. The image of Funshine stepping on people while droning on in her cartoon voice and nuking cities off the map with her stare would be both mesmerizing and soul-crushing awful to witness.

One name...

Terri Schiavo

We're all safe.

Fuck... two popped into my mind simultaneously. Lemme flip a coin to see which my entry will be.

Mutated Tetsuo from the end of the Akira anime.

(The other one was a Like Like from the Legend of Zelda series.)

The Ultimate Warrior. Any mention of destructors instantly brings him to mind, as he was well-known for using the power of 'destrucity' as he called it to vanquish his foes.

Watch this video and tell me this lunatic wasn't entirely capable of ending all life on earth, even if he just confused us all into oblivion by trying to make sense of what he was shouting/screaming/grunting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF4ZTcuhixc

Aw, man. Somebody else already used Jesus and here I was hoping to be the first to come out with: "I AM BECOME JESUS H. CHRIST: DESTROYER OF WORLDS!"

Fortunately nobody has used Santa Claus either so I'll go with him. In particular, the 1959 Mexican version from with the mechanical reindeer made by Merlin that run on pure nightmares.

With a great broad face and a vast round belly that shakes the earth when he laughs and turns pavement to jelly, he has come with heaping handful of scrolls of naughty people who are to lose their very souls.

My problem is, at some point in time I've pictured everything I've ever loved destroying me.

However, if I had to accidentally choose a destructor, it'd probably be Vince the ShamWow guy. That one would probably catch me by surprise.

"Joens said:

The kool-aaid man. just imagine in a giant low pitched voice "OOOOOOH YEEAAAAAAH!!" as he crashes through buildings. and if he falls over, all of new york gets flooded by what else? fruit punch kool-aid!! "

Been There Done That 2.....

Chiyo Mihama from Azumanga Daioh. If was trying to imagine something harmless and lovable, Chiyo will be the first thing that'll come to my mind. In order to destroy us all, she'd likely manifest the superpowers she has in Osaka's twisted daydreams. I can imagine her reducing thousands into catatonic states by overwhelming them with the cuteness of her penguin suit, then flying over them by flapping her pigtails, before finally blasting them to smithereens with laser beams as big as cannons from her huge anime eyes.

Hmmm, the first thing that I thought about was Chips Ahoy cookies, but those aren't really a "character." The second thing that popped into my head was Charles Nelson Reilly, so we'll split the difference and call it Charles Nelson Reilly throwing giant chewy Chips Ahoy cookies.

Jesus. Plain and Simple. Who could possibly imagine Jesus coming up and killing you in some way? on purpose? I'm gonna leave the means of Jesus destroying me up to Gozer, but MOTHERF*CKING JESUS!!!

Someone up there said Tortoro, I've seen bad Tortoro. It's not pretty.
LINK

Someone up there said Tortoro, I've seen bad Tortoro. It's not pretty.
LINK

I'm voting for my awesome boyfriend (if that's allowed) as he gave THE BEST suggestion.
Marvel Minimates.
SUPERHERO/VILLIAN LEGO PEOPLE.

Much better than my 'inner tube' idea. I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry... I've failed the nerd girl squad.

I'd say that I would probably think of Mario.

And that would likely lead to brick buildings being punched into rubble, balls of fire scorching everything like miniature suns crashing into our atmosphere, hurricanes caused by a flap of his cape, a new ice age if he should bring out his new Ice Flower or Penguin Suit... and of course, all the usual stomping, kicking, and trampling he does... times ten, if he uses a Mega Mushroom.

And it would be our luck he'd talk in the Hotel Mario voice.

Oh, and God help us all if he decides to whip out a Blue Shell from Mario Kart. He'd probably say "you're-a number one!" to the world, thus targeting us all for extinction.

The rivers will run red with blood, blood like the ragu he puts atop the spaghetti and pasta made from our bones and flesh, and the tombstone of humanity will read "Thank you so much-a for to playing my game!"

That's what I'd think of, though it could probably be worse. Someone could imagine Sonic, and as a result, have all of his cast of furry friends (now fiends?) in tow. Because he never goes anywhere without the lot of them any more, right?

Garfield. He's such a fat, lazy kitty. My logic is, you get yourself a lasagna the size of a Buick, and he'll be in a diabetic coma before you can say "Ray Parker, Jr."

My baby niece: she is the most beautiful and most precious thing in the world. There is no way.

Pinky & the Brain
Why would I choose them? Try as they might to destroy the world, they would never succeed and end up every night back in the lab.

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to destroy the world!

Considering the schemes they pulled of in their show, their plan would most likely involve some cute and plushy ZUUL toy, saturated with pheromones that would make us buy Pinky-Brain-Wholesome-Granola, which would brainwash us into watching PB-TV, bought (from the revenue frum the Granola) and presided over by The Brain himself. Then, while we are enthralled by Pinky's Playhouse, Brain would take control over the nuclear arsenal (through subliminal messages to the leaders of the World) and nuke the moon out of it's orbit and starting a cosmic game of pool, ending with Planet Rupert crashing into Earth.

Pinky & the Brain
Why would I choose them? Try as they might to destroy the world, they would never succeed and end up every night back in the lab.

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to destroy the world!

Considering the schemes they pulled of in their show, their plan would most likely involve some cute and plushy ZUUL toy, saturated with pheromones that would make us buy Pinky-Brain-Wholesome-Granola, which would brainwash us into watching PB-TV, bought (from the revenue of the Granola) and presided over by The Brain himself. Then, while we are enthralled by Pinky's Playhouse, Brain would take control over the nuclear arsenal and nuke the moon out of it's orbit and starting a cosmic game of pool, ending with Planet Rupert crashing into Earth.

@ Dang!Double Post. Sorry.

Giant, Mecha Chris Hanson

Just as the globe strips naked and moves in to tap the sweet, sweet underaged ass that is world peace, that bastard will step in and cockblock (peaceblock?) the hell out of us. He'll make us feel like dicks for fucking with the planet and during his interrogation we'll be terrified that he's some Buffalo Bill/Deliverance type father come to give us an unholy whoopin'. Our relief after he tells us we're free to go will be short lived as a giant being pointlessly hiding and decked out in shrubs blindsides and tackles us into oblivion with enough force to condense our galaxy into a giant black hole...and our horrific demise will be turned into a universal meme. Can you imagine the ratings? CAN YOU?

Remember that spell from the last Harry Potter book where the kids try to steal the cup from the goblin bank but every time they touch the cup it produces a bunch of copies, and every time they touch a copy it produces even more copies, so the vault starts filling up with cups? That's how my destructor would destroy the earth. Basically, we'd all drown in an ever-swelling tide of frisky, fluffy-bottomed welsh corgis.

honestly, the first thing I would think of was the above scene in Ghostbusters. However, the first face I would see in my mind is not that of the stay puft marshmallow man, but the face of Ray Stantz.

Imagoine a fifty foot tall Dan Aykroyd stomping around New York city, causing widespread panic. You will shit in your pants.

Of course on the bright side Dan Aykroyd the Destructor would probably appear less and less and in increasingly weaker forms till he fades into obscurity in about 10-15 years.

Ernest's friend Vern.

Just to gamble on the chance that I'd at least be able to see what he actually looked like, against the chances that a) He'd literally be invisible, b) My eyeballs would end up resembling those of the last role of the Imperial Birdwatcher's Society, Hiroshima Branch, or c) the very sight of the being, the true, terrible, eldrich mysterium tremendum of laying eyes on the unseeable nuclear chaos would shatter my mind beyond all human comprehension. At best.

Personally, though, I'm kinda guessing he looks like a younger Patrick McManus.

Okay, kids...Evil...but harmless...and pink...Mr. Bubble...
from that stuff your parents added to bathwater to get you to take a bath when you really, really didn't want to. A sentinent cluster of bubbles.

Creeped the heck out of me as a small child...NOoooo! ...don't empty that stuff in my bathwater...WAH!..I don't want that freaky pink THING in my bath with me...AAAaagh!,I've seen the commercials...it pops out of the bubbles and sings...and...wait...where the heck is he? ...oh, wait...it's just bubbles...

Plus, he'd need to have lots of water to raise a full scale invasion.

You KNOW it would have been a contender for the part in Ghostbusters..except there's no way they could have animated it the way you could do it now as opposed to the tech available back in 1984.

A mix of Ron Perlman, Gary Busey, William Dafoe, and Steve Buscemi.

The resulting monster would be like Medusa, except instead of turning its victims into stone, they would burst into flames from the hideousness.

Special Agent Dana Scully. All through the run of The X-Files I was in love with Scully. It was the kind of obsessive love that can only exist between a hardcore nerd and a fictional character.
I would think of Scully and my love for that tormented, driven woman with the dreamy eyes and the wicked sense of humor only to be killed by a 400-foot version of her like a frog in a crush video.

Well, dammit. That Smurf post has clearly won.

3 words, Evil Energizer Bunny. A giant form of him would be the worst thing that could ever happen to this world.

His drum at that size could cause a massive sonic booms that would destroy most buildings by itself and if not his drum sticks are weapons in and of themselves. So what his sonic booms didn't destroy his drums sticks would finish off. And to make matters worse the vibrations from the drums at his giant stature would rupture everyones eardrums killing most instantly, or at least making them deaf so they never hear him coming as the he steps on them.

Yet the worst part. He Keeps Going & Going & Going & Going. So no one in the world would be safe. That would suck wouldn't it?

Ma-Ti with the power of heart. (no, not the band)
Honestly, who would take him seriously. If you turn up the volume when the Planeteers summon Captain Planet by their powers combined, I swear you can hear Captain Planet snicker after Ma-Ti shouts "Heart"

Wallace, from Wallace and Gromit. Seriously, that guy's probably the most innocent character I know. Considering his show involves grim stuff like a savage were-rabbit, a serial killer, etc., he's pretty friendly. So, yeah, a giant Wallace will kill me.

Wall-E, when asked by the Gozer that's the first thing i'd think of, a cute sounding robot that just wants to make our world a better place and help our fat asses up when we fall out of our wheelchairs. I could imagine just thinking him then hearing this loud speak'n'say-esque voice echoing through the streets, emitting the doom cry of "WWWWwAAAAlllLLLEEEeeeE", then quickly dozing over hundreds of luxury cars and hipster hang outs while taking living humans and their dead corpse brethren, compacting them into a square of crushed bones and seeping sinew, then stacking them into a new lego city, mortared by blood.

that or a giant Nerf Bow n' Arrow.

A Giant Teddy Ruxpin. The most wholesome idea for a toy ever. He'd read me a wonderful story of adventure, while slowly building the tension with his creepy eyes and mouth while sailing along on his airship, firebombing my city, all while I'm too paralyzed with fear to fight back.

Neil from the young ones.

That amount of inept stoner inbiggened to 300 ft tall would be mind-shatteringly uhhh should that be couch-surfingly bad?

And the lentils never forget the lentils.... the horror...

Great. My mind immediately jumped to Raffi. Now there's a bearded behemoth terrorizing New York City with hellish renditions of "Baby Beluga" while demon babies stream out of his nipples, for good measure. Soon, all of Earth will be his bananaphone.

Thanks, Mom and Dad. Thanks a lot.

Any and every Pokemon. If those things really existed in real life, chaos would ensue. Just think of the horror of them existing on Earth with such power and they could destroy buildings without much thought, at least some of the bigger ones. There is so much more city area now than forest-type area that they would be likely to run amok through cities, clawing peoples' faces off or electrocuting them. Armed forces of every country would freak out and take out heavy artillery on them, but in the end, there are so many Pokemon that we would be overcome and humanity would be destroyed.

oh... i don't know what would be more upsetting: the idea that all of mankind will be destroyed because of my lack of zen-like mental fortitude or having to watch as, against every fiber of his being, Sam the Eagle is made the destroyer of America. it's a small consolation that at least we'd die with a little dignity and class.

My first ever post, for I simply could not resist this one.

I played by the rules. I stopped, I cleared my head, I kept it blank for as long as possible. Nothing was going to destroy the world with me on guard, no si.....crap.

Strawberry Shortcake. Were in God's name did SHE come from?

I can see it now, Shortcake and her cute little army of kiddy buddies descending from their blueberry war balloons and their banana battleships. They will cuddle and hug and giggle every poor, innocent person they encounter until we're all reduced to heaps of mindless, drooling human wreckage. No man dare raise a weapon against their deceptively child-like bodies, no woman resist their lethal, villainous cuteness. Liberal leaders will try to appease their way out of it and be absorbed into the oozing sweetness. Hard-liners will try to fight and be slaughtered by their own followers for daring to attack sweet, sweet little children. Those villainous enough will attempt nuclear weapons, only for the weapons to implode on themselves and becomes massive pudding-bombs due to the reality-altering adorableness.

And anyone who, by some miracle, can resist their cuteness will succumb to gluttony as the monstrously sweet children create impossible-to-resist cakes and candies and fruits to be gorged upon by an unsuspecting populace.

We are all doomed. But it shall be a sweet, tasty, cute apocalypse.

Bruce Campbell.

I assume we've all read "If Chins Could Kill", right? Behind the B-movie genre hero is just a normal guy who works hard to keep a roof over his family's head. What possible damage could he cause as the Destructor?

Do you remember that scene in Evil Dead II? When his hand goes bad, and he flails around madly on the kitchen floor, shouting incoherently and smashing plates over his own head? Imagine that happening as a giant-sized Campbell, who just a moment ago was holding a pile of scripts in one hand and a glass of downin' whiskey in the other, suddenly finds himself in what appears to be a hyper-realistic model city. In his panic, his body would fall back on its years of film training. His one-man snapmare would cause an earthquake that would make Richter rethink a few things. Screeching cars and screaming people would be mere props in an unintentional triumph of slapstick comedy.

Picture him overcome by anger as toy soldiers pepper him with baby bullets, and crushing their tanks beneath his cowboy boots, while a baritone chorus of "London Bridge Is Falling Down" shatters every pane of glass in a five-mile radius. Ideate for yourself, if you are able, the sight of him turning his head towards a nearby whirring noise, only to strike a nearby helicopter full-on with his trademark jawline. As its black wreckage spiralled out of the sky like a zapped fly, the last strings of his sanity, worn away by years of Syfy movies, would snap. His brain would scream, and his mouth would let loose a shrill, hysterical cackle.

I thought Campbell would be a bit of harmless fun, but who's laughing now, huh? Who's laughing now?!

If chins could kill, indeed.

My vote is for the little baby ewok that cowered at 3P0's version of the Rebels' story.

I imagine that thing would come out giant, squeaking unholy booms and crying torrents of ewok tears as it, too, is alarmed by its size and power. The poor giant muffin doesn't know what's going on, and in its own terror, demolishes entire highrises in an attempt to hide its face.

No amount of purring, leg humping, or "part of the tribe"-making can appease it. It will never stop, because the only things that might have calmed it is gone forever. As it grew, it tore its blankey, and accidently smushed its mother. :(

Pablo from Backyardigans.

I would laugh the entire time as he beat me to death with his silly, blue wing-arms. That's not such a bad way to go.

Snarf jumped into my mind, and I thought that wouldn't be so bad...
Until I remembered the conversation a couple of contests ago, and I can just see a giant Cheetarah coming out of nowhere to have sex with snarf.
And the only people who could possibly save us are involved in a confrontational conversation abut whether or not the sex they are having is beastiality.
God help us all.

Being a slow Saturday afternoon, for the first time in over a year of enjoying your site I MUST answer this question with the ultimate three-word answer. GEORGE (FRICKIN) LUCAS!
After the horrors of Episodes 1-2-3, may the force be with anyone that can top this answer.

The cast of Law and Order Special Victim's Unit.

We would know when they appeared by an absolutely deafening opening intro that goes like this:

"In the inter dimensional criminal system, worlds are eliminated by a destroyer chosen by the inhabitants of that said world. The traveler has come and this is its story."

The clang clang would cause weak minded individuals heads to be blown.

A portal opens in the street below, and giant versions of each of the characters begin to pour out. Mariska Harigtay and Chris Meloni would start analyzing the situation and realize that we the ghost busters are a threat to their new found existence and committed some arbitrary sex crime. Richard Belzer appears makes a wisecrack and then Ice-T is the one that realizes that we, the ghostbusters, are the ones who are committing the crime and that we have copious amounts of drugs on our persons. Of course this is all set to an incredibly loud and awesome rendition of the theme song.

With the giant SVU crew running at us we quickly decide to mow them down with our proton streams. Realizing that our plan is futile as blood from the giants are filling the streets and possibly drowning others who are watching on, it is time to cross the streams.

Aiming at the large portal we cross the streams and seal the portal. They explode in a giant bloody mess that is strewn all over the area of Manhattan. Skeletal remains litter the surrounding area.

One of Meloni's ribs kills Walter Peck.

As soon as I hear the word "destructor" I think of the Destructicons. Mixmaster whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????

My magic the gathering collection.

The cards will rain down from the heavens. Every non-nerd male citizen of Earth will pick up the cards, think 'hey - this game looks rather cool' and start to build their decks.

After every dude, jock and normal person have transformed into a nerd, females will not be able to find suitable mates and the human species will slowly die out when no new generations come to fill our shoes.

The only memory that will be left of us, when aliens arrive and discover the ruins of our civization, is a forum thread discussing which card has the hotest babe in it's art (my vote goes to the female 'Elvish Ranger' from Alliances).

Data the monkey from Mega Man Legends.

Bruce Campbell. Especially the scene from AoD in the windmill where he's attacked by mini-Ashes.

(in loud booming voice)
"London Bridge is falling down, falling down"

Poor guy has been knocked around, a giant destructor version of Bruce would bring a karmic balance to the universe.

The Great Space Coaster.

The thing has to travel at the speed of light minus epsilon (where epsilon is very teeny tiny) in order for time dilation to get Francine, Danny and Roy to the Happy Place before they starve or run out of oxygen.

And don't tell me they're staying insystem; the theme song lyrics CLEARLY state they will "spin you through the galaxy".

Anyhoo, can you say "relativistic kill vehicle"? I knew you could.

Lindsay Lohan. She would destroy mankind by spraying a contagious viral mist from her va-jay-jay. No vaccine.

I was trying to think peacefully and blank my mind and the first thing that popped in was:

Pooky, Garfield's Teddy Bear.

Alternatively, Oscar the Grouch's Pet Worm Slimy and/or Snufflupagus. (Although Oscar himself would be cool.)

It strikes me that many of you are thinking far too small. This is not "the destructor of New York" or "the destructor of the large majority of humans." This is "The" Destructor. When, inevitably, I could no longer clear my mind of Gozer the Gozerian's request, a shadow would pass over the earth. Humans would fall to the ground, grasping in the dirt for purchase or escape as a shape filled the bowl of the sky from horizon to horizon.

I would have tried to think of something gentle and wise, something that could never hurt us. Images would flit back to me of creatures depicted in posters of marker and black velvet above a twelve-year-old girl's bed and in the stiff, glittery cotton of fat men's shirts as they graze the ailes of Wal-Mart.

Dolphins.

For a moment, we would watch the pod of our damnation as they swam blythely beyond the electromagnetic bubble of earth. Their playful clicks and whistles would pierce the minds of all mankind, and we would hold our bleeding ears and scream. Then, the twinkle of a merry eye would flash in the sky and it would be over. They would bat the tiny ball of our planet between them in a momentary diversion, then swim away, wreaking more havoc among the galaxies and leaving our world to drift, lifeless, to be sucked up by space whales like so much krill.

Coily From "A Case Of Spring Fever". I can't imagine a better way to go out than hearing that little (now HUGE) mascot yelling "NO SPRINGS!!!" at us as he chuckles with pure malice flowing through his black and white body!

My posting record on the interwebz will evidence my utter contempt for all things “zombie,” so for me to proffer this takes some grit. Enjoy and beware:

The streets of Manhattan were crowded to bursting
With hipsters and housewives and hobos a-cursing.

When what boisterous and towering form should appear
But undead Billy Mays with his salesman gear!

A hundred feet tall if he was an inch,
And flesh like a leper’s oozing free with a pinch.

The masses all screamed and fled in their fear,
As the ambling corpse called, “BILLY MAYS HERE!”

This was the end, and not a New Yorker lingered,
But they couldn’t escape those sausagey fingers.

Two handfuls Mays snatched from the terrified throng
Who he rolled into balls with his grave dirt along.

Then onto the griddle with a burning sensation:
Big City burgers from Mays’ giant Slider Station!

Next, from his pocket, what could be seen?
A doughy mass of both white and green!

He mixed in some people to churn the mass pink,
And with the Mighty Death Putty fixed a leak in the sink!

Straight through a brownstone went his Hercules Hooks
And he skewered on them children that quivered and shook.

Mighty Mendit came next—the tube big as a truck
And each soul he attached to his polo stayed stuck.

Then right up the Empire State Billy climbed,
As those on his shirt turned to greasy red grime.

He set to some work then, hidden from sight,
As those on the streets continued their flight.

But none were so lucky to escape with their lives
When Billy grabbed a bucket mammoth in size.

Down poured the froth—Mays’ dead eyes a-glean—
From his bottomless bucket of Oxyclean!

It flooded the city in waves and tides
Melting all flesh in a stew of lost lives.

The streets were all silent from screams after that
As down came big Billy with a heavy, wet splat.

“What a mess!” he proclaimed pulling out an orange towel,
A ShamWow you might think? No, Mays’ Zorbeez most foul!

Though every street dripped with red New York brew
Like a flash came Billy absorbing all as he flew.

Zorbeez pregnant with death, Mays went down to Times Square
And into his mouth wrung the cloth of despair.

With a smile on his face and his form caked in gore,
Billy flashed a thumbs-up with a laugh to abhor.

And so closed the night to end all men’s errors,
Forever known as the As Seen On TV Terror!

Four armed Grimace. You may proceed to run in terror.

It would be Butters Stotch
What other character is such an epitome of goodness that he is incapable of causing any true damage. He would just try to help. Although he would probably just get sent to his room.
Even if he was his secret identity professor chaos, he would merely turn on a fire hose in an attempt to flood the world. Even with the aid of General Disarray he would have a hard time doing too much damage. Although if he had his minions we would be doomed if his giant minions showed up.

people would be running in terror, "It's Butters! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Butters would chuckle shyly and say, "aww, thats me."

It's wild magikarp. Theres no way that a low-level magikarp could hurt us. It only knows splash. I remember trying to catch them all. I fished and when ever I caught a magikarp I beat the every loving shit out of any unlucky enough to get on my rod. I remember using them to level up my lower level pokemon because they couldn't attack me.
.
.
.
That is unless it splashes its way into a rare candy factory and evolves into a Gyrados. Then, we are all fucked.

Bananas In Pajamas.
Coming down the stairs, in pairs, what the fuck ever... like flaming yellow hands of God, striking apocalyptic terror into the hearts of all who lay eyes on their stripey blue jammies.
You *should* be scared.

I'll admit, the first thing I thought of when I read the challenge was... Jar Jar Fucking Binks. Gahd knows he destroyed Star Wars for me.

I see myself fearfully staring up as the feral, fuzzy tiger tackles building after building with youthful glee. Fists clenched, I can't help but weep in rage over this twisted perversion of my childhood memories. Something that once stood for exploration and adventure is now a force of evil. A companion I once turned to in times of greatest need is now destroying the world around me.

After all the dinosaurs, aliens, and cootie-invested girls we battled, my friend, why do you turn on me now? What could I've done to bring you to this? How could you forget the endless winters sledding in the woods?

The giant tiger rears back its head and roars, shattering the windows out of every building in a three mile radius. People fleeing for their lives are buried under a rain of glass. The terror cannot go on any longer. I must stop this, no matter how much it hurts me.

I wipe a tear from my parka. The snowball in my hand feels heavy.

"I'm sorry, Hobbes. But Spaceman Spiff must save the world...

...even if it's from his own best friend."

I let out a final battle-cry and charge.

Some more pics for my Gummy bear idea: http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb241/Sir_Cuddles2/GUMMY-3.jpg

Some more pics for my earlier Gummy bear idea: http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb241/Sir_Cuddles2/GUMMY-3.jpg

Please note I am a bored nerd with Ghostbusters on my mind a mouse in my hand and a computer, with Paint and Google.

Please judge kindly....

Joe D, Mythbri: You guys obviously never played over at my house. My Little Ponies were the mighty steeds for the GI Joe squad tasked with destroying the 50 Foot Barbie Invasion. BOO-YAH! (I was never really good at playing like a girl...)

Not sure if it's been said yet or not but......FF8 being played forever. Imagine the horror, an indestructable playstation hooked up to the biggest television in the world, unable to be turned off or damaged, and every living soul would be forced to play it until they die. Every human being forced to wait in line until the person playing died in horrible agony as the next people in line watched on in horror knowing they're next. Oh and nobody would beat the game. If they managed to survive long enough to hear Eyes on Me their skulls would cave in.

George W. Bush

Only because it is so apropos.

Would there be anything more terrifying than being destroyed by the Snuggle detergent Snuggle Bear? Giant Snuggle Bear snuggles with the bottom of his giant foot.

Those yip yip aliens from Sesame Street. While, admittedly, they have very large mouths, they don't appear to have any sort of digestive tract.

Plus they'd be too stupid to do any real damage. They'd probably just say 'Yip Yip' a lot.

David Hasselhoff and his hairy chest running at me in slow mo, certainly nothing bad could happen, right?

@y2jbrak
dude do you even remember watching that show?
it was a great show at the time , and a JILLIAN times better than the shit that is put out by the studios these days .

anyway ill up you

ORKO from Masters of the Universe .completely useless then and forgettable now and like TR implied about the new micky mouse Videogame coming out soon ....NOTHING IS MORE DANGEROUS than a forgotten hero . sure regular villans are cut and dry , but a forgotten hero knows what gets to society as a whole and will ultimatly end up pulling off the most psychotic destruction possible.
remember , every time he tried sorcery it backfired , so imagine him willing to do some damage =]

and to the SHATNER DESTRUCTOR / MICHAEL BAY DESTRUCTOR i can beat them =] JOEL SCHUMACHER *KILLER OF THE BATMAN FRANCHISE* he is EVIL ENOUGH TO END batman for all of us who loved the franchise.

Optimus Prime (not the Michael Bay bastardisation).

He was a total hero to me as a child, and as far as I was concerned he could do no wrong. So it would be pretty heart breaking for me if Gozer took his form and started killing everything in sight.

when someone said that to my brother ("CHOOSE THE FORM OF THE DESTRUCTOR") i was born.
that counts?

Cubbi Gummi. I forsee the bouncing growing faster and faster, the increasing velocity growing to the point where humans simply explode into a fine flesh mist upon impact.

Vanity Smurf.

I'd have to let him loose in S.F. though. Oh the irony.

A taco... that craps ice cream. Practical, delicious, and innocent; surely it couldn't hurt anybody. Well, that would be wrong because the taco would probably start eating people at an alarming rate. Soylent green flavored ice cream, not a good thing.

That or zombie Hitler...

Sean Connery in Zardoz...
We deserve it.

Harold and his Purple Crayon.

This is the first thing that popped into my head when i read this and i have no idea why but im sure there is some subconscious scaring that is bringing this to the surface.

Harold who uses his purple crayon to draw things from his imagination to fill his days with whimsy and adventure would surely be flanked by purple crayon drawings of snowmen and butterflies that would rein down fiery death and snowy retribution on me and the other ghostbusters.

Harold having a voracious imagination supplimented by the powers of the Gozerian would surely lay waste to the entirety of New York and surrounding areas in minutes with his giant crayon of doom.

After closing my eyes, for all of 5 seconds I thought of a towel. Must be leftover Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy thoughts. Anyways, I couldnt imagine it destroying anything, just chasing me around snapping at me like a whip.

Agrajag from "Mostly Harmless". Yes, big. Yes, scary. But so filled with teeth and claws that it can't do much more than stand in place looking frightening. Sure, a lot of heart attacks go off, but it carves itself into ribbons and kills itself before it's taken seven steps.

My destroyer would be my xbox controller. Its wild but here me out. The reason is why would I be afraid of a controller! It would end the world because I wouldn't be able to take my hands off it! Therefore I would starve to death so it would be a slow agonizing death but if I could beat RE5 on hard it would be worth it.

Dunno why, but Charlie the Tuna from the old Starkist ads. A blue hipster tuna in a beret and sunglasses. You know- he was always trying to impress um... the fishermen, I guess... so they would catch him and be turned into a can of tuna. The tag line was- "Starkist doesn't want tuna with good taste, they want tuna that tastes good! Sorry, Charlie." Any Destructor with such obvious SELF destructive tendencies might give humanity a fighting chance. Plus, I imagine he would be pretty ineffectual out of water...

Scott Hall totally wins.

I'd probably have to go with Mr. Dan Aykroyd himself. He wouldn't be gigantic or necessarily even menacing, but he would have the power of CRYSTAL SKULL VODKA at his hands and it would devastate the entire planet....maybe even the moon.

Gazing into his CRYSTAL SKULL would instantly cause your brain to melt. It would take time cause he could only melt a handful or brains at a time, but his persistence and undying quest for the best tasting vodka would eventually destroy everything.

http://crystalheadvodka.com/

It would be terrifying.

My destructor would take the form of Big the cat, from sonic heroes. During his search for his friend Froggy, he will somehow manage to destroy the world. Yes, he is that stupid.

My destructor would take the form of Big the cat, from sonic heroes. During his search for his friend Froggy, he will somehow manage to destroy the world. Yes, he is that stupid.

@korg20000bc
I feel like Zed in Zardoz is mostly harmless. He just wants to touch-teach us all... to love. We'd always hear him approaching due to the sound-effects his boners make, and in the end he'd either get sucked into a crappy mirrored pyramid or just go die in a cave somewhere. The true evil, as I'm sure you're aware, is the penis.

The french pea from veggie tales.....we would all die from that horrible accent.

I'm sure my mind would try it's damndest to keep itself calm, and not think if anything that would hurt me, but I'd fail. And I'm also sure some part of my mind would try to decide what would be the single most awesome and memorable way my destruction could be brought about. And it would pop into my head.

Brock.

Fucking.

Sampson.

And I would shit myself. As should the entire god damn Venture Brothers watching world. I have no clue how exactly he would kill me... but it would be violent. Though, if I could avoid my death for a while, I could enjoy watching a boat load of folks getting killed in completely insane ways.

Superman. Because there comes a time when even the most pure-hearted motherfuckers have had enough.

Denver the last Dinosaur, I mean come on. He's a harmless rock and roll dinosaur right? Can't go wrong there.

Mine would be Strawberry Shortcake, and she would kill me with an odor that smells delightfully like strawberries but makes my flesh turn strawberry red before falling off of my bones like cooked meat.

My Destructor would take the form of Pac Man. Oh sure, first he'd come for portly white people, but throught the forces of political correctness and a newly developed addiction to sugar and high fructose corn syrup, he'd gladly taste the human rainbow. And sure, humanity's collective residual essence will coalescence into poltergeists sworn to avenge the sum of their parts, but using the information gleaned from the Ghostbusters during their futile bid for mercy, Paczilla will be able to turn the tables on the enough to forever keep them at bay.

.
.
.
...wah-ca-wah-ca-wah-ca

Rick Astley. Maybe the only Apocalypse that makes the Earth's population facepalm instead of running in fear. Rick Roll'd indeed.

what is the form of the destroyer?

gwen stacey leading an army of popples. yes, the symbol of love and compassion and proof life is not fair leading a legion of those 80's plush spikeless hedgehogs.

my mom got a pattern for one and made me it as a kid. the idea it could fold up like that when it was scared, it could never.... gwen would never order my...

oh, god, i should have said "cthulhu". no!

Interesting this should be the latest TR Contest.

Cuz if you asked me today to go retreat to my happy place, the sole occupant there would be Peter Venkman. But it'd be the version from the "Real Ghostbusters" cartoon.

I'd guess he'd have his proton pack too, so we're pretty much fucked.

I could only hope he'd have with his early Lorenzo "Garfield" Music voice. It'd be a far more soothing-sounding death, compared to the horror that would be the Dave "Uncle Joey" Coulier version.

The first thing I would think of is David the Gnome. Come one how could a little gnome with the ability to befriend animals and control magic be harmful?

Jesus Christ... then pretty much everyone could have somethin fun to say about Christianity!! LOL... OH SHIT, JESUS is PISSED AND kicking ASS TONIGHT! GO JESUS... well you could probably miss getting stepped on by hiding in the holes in the feet and same goes for the hands... jump through the holes! If all goes to shit and he tries to eat you.. there's already a hole in his side thanks to that cool Roman officer! Yep- nothing say's raininng hell like Jesus H. Christ!

"Reverend Ender said:
Scott Hall totally wins."

Haha, thanks for the endorsement but honestly there are quite a few entries that made me laugh out loud and i dont know if i stand a chance but im keeping my fingers crossed.

"Bugdodger said:
Joe clearly never saw the My Little Pony of the Apocalypse online anywhere... There are actually quite a few awesome (horrifying?) My Little Pony creations out there. I even saw a Cthulhu one."

Actually funny you should mention that, heres a write up i did a while back when i worked for these guys.
http://tomopop.com/my-little-pony-customs-elevate-the-toy-to-new-heights-of-cool-5622.phtml

Bufkin from the Fable series.

I seriously don't know why. But it was the first thing that popped into my head. It's the nicest, laziest creature in Fables. But the thought of a giant demonic talking flying monkey just sent chills down my spine.

Bad Bufkin bad!

Paris Hilton

Bill Murray as Peter Venkman, of course... I would expect him to try and take me out to dinner, etc. before ever trying to kill me. Then again, he'd probably kill me. D': I JUST WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH BILL MURRAY.

Oh damn, I saw that someone else put in Bill Murray as a choice. Bawww!

Sarah goddamn Palin. Not enough booze in the whole world to make that level of stupidity manageable, even if we drained your infamous liver, Rob. She doesn't even need to be gigantic or superpowered. Just give her a TV show. Between the lethal headaches, the skullcrushing facepalms, and the suicides, we don't stand a chance.

I had a handful of answers, some of which were not duplicates by the time I read all the entries so far. But it doesn't matter, because I read Justanothernerd's post on Raffi.

Wilford Brimley pales in comparison, and no amount of grotesquely huge Liberty Medical supplies falling in a hellish rain upon the unsuspecting populace could ever match up to that, nor could death by mustache, nor the ensuing army of mutant Brimley-resembling cats.

Nor does the Bird Woman from Mary Poppins and her tuppence of great vengeance stand a chance.

the fruitcake from zelda ocarina of time and majora's mask who sells you maps.

Probably a pink elephant. It's just one of those random things you are ASKED not to think of. My brain would probably snap to that statement before I realize what's happening.

Oh, this is easy. Mickey Mouse, or rather King Mickey. Being a hardcore Disney and Square fan prior to the release of Kingdom Hearts, I experienced geekgasmic joy when I heard it was coming out. That pleasure was never surpassed till I got half way through KH2 and was losing to a boss. After losing almost all my health, to my surprise and excitement, None other than King Mickey arrived with his awesome Gold Keyblade as a playable character while Sora regained his health. Though I was playing as Mickey, I felt Mickey more as a protector who was always there in my time of need. I even got to a point of Losing to a boss intentionally so I could play a Mickey. So, I can imagine fighting a very difficult enemy and about to lose, hoping some one would come to my aide. When none other than that Cheerful Mouse hops out, saying "Don't worry, I'm here to help." in the voice of Wayne Allwine (May he rest in peace). And after He defeats the boss with his Yoda-like speed and I take a sigh of relief, he walks up to me with a large smile on his face and then impales me in the stomach with his Keyblade. And as I collapse to the ground and fade into death while holding in my entrails, all I hear is the delightful laugh of one of my favorite childhood characters.

"Choose Your Destructor."

:phone goes off:

"Hullo?! What is it?"

We're doomed now. The mindless end users are coming. Unable to grasp the simplest technology, they drone and whine to death.

The peanutbutter-jelly time banana. Because it's peanutbutter-jelly time...so everyone must pay.

Bruno Tonioli...the judge from Dancing with the Stars.

A giant version of him prancing down the street while spewing forth his inane ramblings would either make you die from bleeding of the ears or you would just have to jump off the nearest tall building to make the words stop.

The fact that you chose an underage anime sex symbol leads me to believe that you were joking about the snoo snoo thing so I choose Angelica Pickles.

There is only one practical answer to the form of the destructor, something that would not only terrify because of its physical stature, but because of the psychological damage it would inflict. We're not talking some nonsense like the lame Cloverfield monster here, or the camp of Godzilla.

It would be giant Herbert from Family Guy. The bone chilling sound of that dry whistle, asking "where's that bustly-arm newspaper boy?" reverberating through the city. And once he's that size, we're all like children to him.

Gotta go with the Power Rangers here. I mean over the course of their existence they've caused trillions of dollars in property damage and taken countless lives. First rule of superhero-ing is that you take your fights to where there's the least likelihood of collateral damage. Goku knew that and he lacks a basic education. NERV knew that and they were a bunch of sadistic bastards indifferent to humanity. But nooooooooooooooooooo, the Power Rangers duked it out in the middle of crowded urban centers, and I don't think that's an accident. They took a sick pleasure in taking lives while claiming the moral high ground. Making them our destructor would at least put an end to their charade. Plus, giant robots are the tits.

And throw Godzilla in there, too, because we gotta give credit to a legend who is what's called "the-best-of-the-best"

Link from Legend of Zelda. My childhood hero whom I have adored and looked up to, the hero who always defeated Ganondorf and horrifying wallmasters. Surely he couldn't hurt any innocents? Alas, that thought would be unavoidable and would doom us all to the Hero of Time. Undoubtably, we would be screwed as Link uses spin attacks to level entire cities, Din's fire to scorch the Earth, and crushing whatever got in his way as he rolled around to get to destinations faster. To add insult to injury, cliched as the saying is, let's say by some odd fluke the Ghostbusters, army, or whatever takes him down. Everyone who has survived the onslaught cheers as the giant fairy boy falls. But alas, those cheers are cut short as a fairy revives him. To make matters worse, he then proudly chugs down a bottle of milk restore the rest of his health for all to see, almost as if he were... taunting everyone.

Patrick Stewart would be my Destroyer, here's why.

What could be better than an army of Patrick's swarming the city, some with Phasers, others totting Tommy guns, still others dressed as characters from all manner of Shakespeare plays, and some "Locutus of Borg" Picard. They would be systematically moving through the city, destroying all in their path, all the while quoting Mobby Dick, or Shakespeare. And controlling this thespian army, would be "Professor Xavier" Stewart, telepathically linking them into a bald, bad ass hive mind.

I would die in awe.

So I cleared my mind, and there was epic darkness...and then it shaped itself into the endless spheres of Amelie Poulain's eyes framed by her cheekily smiling white face. She surely wouldn't destroy us, no; she'd probably just stand there, all whimsical-like and think about how many couples are concurrently climaxing or something. And I'm sure if she did try anything, it'd be adorably quixotic.

I'd say Brickhousebunny21. Because if anything's going to destroy humanity, it's badly written teddy-bear-on-underage-girl fanfiction combined with overblown ego.

So, you better know whose responsible this.

Okay.

I tried to clear my mind of all negative thought, to fill it only with the things which have brought me joy and laughter. Something harmless, something innocent and beloved. An image rose in my mind:

Totoro.

I'd see the Catbus in the distance, yowling as it scuttled toward me. It would pounce, rending me with its sharp claws and toying with me as if I were a mouse.
Then, Totoro himself would disembark the Catbus. He would stand over me, grinning his unsettlingly huge grin. Perhaps he would have modified his umbrella, pulling a long blade from the handle. More likely he would simply stuff me into his mouth and chew, gnashing those huge, terrible teeth...
What remained of me would then be used to fertilize his magic seeds. My soul would be trapped forever in a giant tree, where he and his smaller cousins would live and play, laughing at my torment.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and hide all my Totoro merch in a box until I am able to look at it again.

Pee Wee Herman: "You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."

The form of the destructor will be that which has been destroying mankind for ages. Pam Anderson's hepatitis infested, careering ending, no talent, murky, dank, slimy, man swallowing tool box.

The depths of which, no one has ever returned for the better.

Jesus H! My entry made me have Totoro on the brain, so I did a little search of the interwebs. Apparently I am not the first person to think about what it would be like to have Totoro devour the human race:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_EBVu9ShWDgA/R9mPsrxXWeI/AAAAAAAAAOk/YTConemHi0I/s1600-h/Totoro.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c353/zinjalord/TonariNoTotoro_Bus_Stop_by_sachsen1.jpg

I would pick the random ship captain from the opening video of Xenogears.

Because you know, he really fits the theme. I mean, even though he seems like a nice guy (like Stay Pufft) he does sort of end up ruining the world by crashing the ship with the deus weapon into it which sort of meant that there was, uh, this thing sort of like god, but uh, it was made of waves?, and anyway he let that thing out when his ship blew up but uh....

Well you see, that's kind of the point. I figure if I pick that guy, the plot will end up being too convoluted to actually ever lead to the apocalypse and we'll be fine.

I think we're overlooking the obvious. Clearly, the form of the destructor will be Rob, himself. It was only a matter of time before the world collapsed under the weight of his awesomeness. His dashing looks will ruin men for women, and turn the the men irreversibly and proudly homosexual. His wry wit shall plung us into despair as we are left the contemplate the shallow depths of our own being. His mastery of nerdity will lay waste to nations before his feet. And with Snark at his right hand, he shall seat himself on the throne of the gods. The dawning of his reign, this era of rightousness and prosperity, will be ushered in as he bestows upon me, his humble acolyte, the one true T-shirt woven with the threads of truth and snide, incredulous fanboy rantings. And all who look upon me shall know that I...won a weekly contest on a nerd-oriented website...except for those who have never actually been to this websity, in which case they'll probably think I'm an advocate of x-rated human-cyborg relations.

PC Popple(the blue one). I had one as a little kid and found one to buy my daughter at a local thrift store(it was $5 and in excellent condition).
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cuddlemonkey101/3592883491/
I can't imagine any incarnation of Popples capable of destructing anything, unless of course they were just so damn cute that people would be too busy pinching their cheeks and rolling them into and out of their pouches that they would starve to death.

Vanilla Ice.
I wouldn't be able to help it. My mind would wander off on itself.
"Okay,no thinking. Whatever you think about will come to destroy you, no matter how wacky. Like Vanilla Ice. Man, wouldn't that be fucking weird? Vanilla Ice getting all giant and started destroying a city? Like, dancing to "Ice Ice Baby" and...
...SHIT."

One that just occured to me -

"Hey, there I'm the Destructor better know as Camufufhufhck."

"What was that?"

"Candlefhck."

"Candle-what?"

"Candlejack."

"Candlejack? What the hell does th-"

"Not the brightest civilization, are you?"

And thus ends the world at the hands of the Destructor, Candle

Dethklok. Hey, they seem destined to destroy their own fictional world, so why not let us all see what happens when they bring their massive and horrifying level of destruction to the real world? Plus, we'd get some awesome music out of it.

@Hagan - Dude, Denver the Last Dinosaur? He's my friend and a whole lot more. Didn't you ever stop to think about what that "whole lot more" is? Death and destruction, my friend! Mayhem! 80's synth-pop infused mayhem at that. Be afraid...

@Hagan - Dude, Denver the Last Dinosaur? He's my friend and a whole lot more. Didn't you ever stop to think about what that "whole lot more" is? Death and destruction, my friend! Mayhem! 80's synth-pop infused mayhem at that. Be afraid...

Gandhi.

Not only because he's so peaceful... but because I bet if it were real life I could take him.

At risk of being ridiculed to the end of the internet and back, I would have to say Jar Jar Binks.

My childhood is probably much more recent than most of the other entrants, but back when I was eight, I thought Star Wars Episode I was awesome. I had no sense of characterization or taste; I just knew that I liked the bumbling Gungan and was obsessed with him for about a month.

Ten years go by, and as I'm watching a Rifftrax of the same movie, I realize my old obsession. As obnoxious as the character is, I can't really dislike him. Nostalgia defies me to hate this character as much as 99% of Star Wars fans do.

So for the sake of his harmless intent and nostalgic charm, Jar Jar would be my Destructor. Even though it'd mean dooming humanity by way of poorly-written slapstick and intense annoyance.

Bender...He is great

Bender...He is great

Treat Williams and Joe Piscipo from Dead Heat because with those two guys I would be honored to be killed by the stars of a buddy cop zombie movie. How rad would that be. I wouldn't even mind getting killed by those two.

Toad from Super Mario Brothers. Especially the one from the second game (that was impossible!)

@Johanna Marie

But at least when we die there will be music.

Crap, I just finished writing this and realized (in the 300+ other submissions, that there have been 3 or 4 other similar entries. Ah, screw it. I'm sticking with --

Brickhousebunny21

He would manifest as his dual-avatar of May and Buster locked in perpetual coitus, fucking their way across the world. Cthulu-like, they would leave a string of shattered psyches in the wake of their horrific coupling, laying waste to all we lvoe. The Pokemon half of the writhing abomination screaming for our doomed species to spend its last moments begging for mercy from the one they call the best of the best. While at the same time, the female's booming voice mockingly crushes the hope that anyone will be spared with a condemnation that echoes around the globe: "WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS!"

@Tabitha -- I think you've hit upon the plot for THE HAPPENING. :-)

@Thunder -- Great, now all I can see in my head is Mr. Rogers putting on his slippers with a cheery "Die, neighbor!"

@R3loy -- Only if he comes with a posse so he can keep asking them "Who's the Destructor?" ad nauseum.

Pocket Lint.

To be honest, this was my first thought while watching the clip and tried to clear my own mind. It is harmless, small, and has no purpose. “Something that could never ever possibly destroy us.”

As I continued to try to think of something “funnier” for the contest, dark fears of what would of happened in that situation began to set in. The lint would be taken from my pocket. All of our pockets. Our hair brushes, dryer exhausts, even our belly buttons. They would all merge to form a giant ball. A ball that could not feel pain, could not bleed, and could not be killed.

A giant lint ball so great... it would suffocate the world.

A Jupiter Jack.
It would probably emit a high-powered radio wave and destroy me. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but 20years from now when I get 18 different kinds of cancer and 99.3FM plays nothing but malevolent laughter- I'll know.

In a related note I had an argument with husband about the difference between the Stay Puft Marshmallow man and the Michelin man. My response "But one of them is real!"

Fuck it! I tried clearing my mind but I can't. Everytime I come close, I run into the same brick wall that I've been slacked against since I was twelve years old: porn. There's no getting rid of the stuff. It's like a psychological STD (and here I thought choking the chicken was safe sex). So you know what? That's what I'm going with. That's the form of my Destructor. Gratuitous, raw, unspeakable, unforgiveable pornography. The real low rent shit that makes you do a double take and hate yourself afterward. Annihilation by way of the nasty. And it suits, because if I'm going down, it'll be while I'm pumping it like a piston, just as the good Lord intended. Matter of fact, I think I might just bring about a little doomsday right now. Use that T-shirt to clean up the mess.

...don't judge me

Totoro.

Specifically, the big one that sleeps a lot.

Zombies, but not for the reason you'd think.

Pop culture has become so saturated with zombie related media that they're no longer scary. You can get adorable plush zombies. Zombies are everywhere. When I clear my mind, the word that I most closely associate with entertainment, zombies, enters my head, but only due to the volume of it.

Cringer from the original He-Man.
He'd whinge and cry and probably obliterate us all with a sneeze.

A dugong or a manatee. The most gentle mammal known to man...until those "Horny Manatee" sketches on Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien came along. Scary.

I'd pick Jesus. Jesus Christ.

I'm not particularly religious, but I mean.... COME ON. If we're all going to die, I want to be able to say "I told you so" before I kick it.

Can I get an amen?

DeeDee from Dexter's Laboratory.

'Fuck it! I tried clearing my mind but I can't. Everytime I come close, I run into the same brick wall that I've been slacked against since I was twelve years old: porn. There's no getting rid of the stuff. It's like a psychological STD (and here I thought choking the chicken was safe sex). So you know what? That's what I'm going with. That's the form of my Destructor. Gratuitous, raw, unspeakable, unforgiveable pornography. The real low rent shit that makes you do a double take and hate yourself afterward. Annihilation by way of the nasty. And it suits, because if I'm going down, it'll be while I'm pumping it like a piston, just as the good Lord intended. Matter of fact, I think I might just bring about a little doomsday right now. Use that T-shirt to clean up the mess.

...don't judge me'

I do judge you, you horny bastard. Rob said no nastiness this time! Now go jack off last week's contest and hang your head in shame while you do it.

as i sit here thinking of what not to think of a single rsndom stray thought pops in from cartoon past - crumb from ahhh real monsters. he may have had a stench and held his eye balls in the palm of his hand but lets face it for something scary he is not. it would be a long and disgusting death. i could imagine comparing his destructtion to that of a child with a newly completed lego tower.

Erin gets my vote, Marty's vengeance on the human population for overcrowding and killing off his animal friends. Even if he squished my family, that soothing beardy voice would carry me off to forgiveness. Thank you Erin.

Fishstick kitties.

You think they're just adorable morsels of minced and breaded seafood until one of the toothpicks holding them together pierces the roof of your mouth and sinus, sending a fatal shard of wood into the section of your brain that regulates your breathing and sphincter control.

Tickle Me Elmo: the incessant laughing, jittering, and falling down and seizuring that it does will cause earthquakes and tsunami's to tear apart and flood the world. Volcanoes will erupt without warning causing fire and brimstone to rain from the sky. Dogs and Cats will live together, mass hysteria will erupt. Those who survive will be plagued by the never ending laughing and will eventually take their own lives to ease their pain and get that sleep they so desire.

Bob Barker. Don't ask me why, but when I cleared my head and tried to think the most harmless thought, I thought of Bob Barker.

Mind you, I don't see a giant Bob Barker destroying the world. I picture it more like the end of the (horrible) third Matrix movie. Thousands upon thousands of angry Bob Barker clones, standing in the rain. All of them ready to unleash a murderous, hellish rampage upon the face of the earth. Ragnarok, come on down!

I need to retract my earlier entry (william shatner) and replace it with this:

Busty, the crash test dummy from the Mythbusters. just imagine a 100ft tall crash test dummy replicating all of those explosive/violent/death-inducing myths on the streets of NYC. people by the hundreds will be killed by the flying limbs and flaming pink 'flesh' he's covered with.

lol, I meant Buster! curse my inability to edit these posts...

I tried to do exactly what Ray did and clear my mind, and what is the first thing that pops in my head. The Fraggle Rock theme song. How god damn scary would hat be, especially if they were all the size of The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

I can just see it now, What did you do Jonesie, WHAT DID YOU DO?

DUM DUM DUM Do-DUM - DUM DUM DUM Do-DUM

Over 100 15 story high Muppets appear, dancing and singing.

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
(Dancing and causing an earthquake the likes of which have never seen)

Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
(They start twirling around knocking buildings down like they are mad of cardboard)

Work you cares away,
Dancing's for another day.
Let the Fraggles play,
We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red.
(At This point the entire city of new York has been laid to waste)

Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Down at Fraggle Rock.
Down at Fraggle Rock.
(The last thing you see before the last once of life is drained from your body is Gozer singing the last couple of lines while clapping)

The End

america's sweetheart Taylor Swift

Betty Crocker. She would calmly bake us all into her sweet, delicious cookies.

Who else but my childhood best friend, Snowdrop? Bit of background. I got a stuffed dolphin for my second birthday and named him Snowdrop. That toy went everywhere with me. He was my best friend. Then, when I was eight, I went to the aquarium and made a horrible discovery. All those years ago, my parents had lied to me. Snowdrop wasn't a dolphin. Snowdrop was a shark. I'm sorry, world. I have unleashed a giant, fluffy shark with a serious grudge upon you.

Gomez Adams. The original one. *Shivers*

a box of condoms.

No one's mentioned the pink haired Stephanie from LazyTown yet??

the episode of who´s the boss when tony see angela in the shower

Neil Pert. A gigantic-ass drum kit would appear in the center of the room with him at its center. From there he would play. And he would play a drum solo. A Drum Solo of Life that would raise the dead back to life as zombies, ending humanity as we know it.

Mrs. Beasly - my childhood doll, a little old lady. I still have her up on the shelf. She wouldn't hurt a fly on my head.

Bill Nye the science guy.
I'm not even sure how that would end but I'm sure he'd invent something that would kill us all. HE does hold a number of patents. He could probably just add deathray to that list.

Woody Allen, unless of course you are an adopted underage Asian girl.

I choose King Kong. We already know his strategy (find pretty girl/climb tall building) so maybe we'd have a fighting chance. Plus, if you're gonna go down, you might as well go down with a feeling that you're on a 1933 Universal Studios set, wherein every last one of us can feel like a star before being squashed.

I choose King Kong. We already know his strategy (find pretty girl/climb tall building) so maybe we'd have a fighting chance. Plus, if you're gonna go down, you might as well go down with a feeling that you're on a 1933 Universal Studios set, wherein every last one of us can feel like a star before being squashed.

SPOCK!

No one would see it coming. And so far no one here dared to dream it. Whether by himself or with a clone army, I'm sure all of us at TR know deep down that Spock could take out humanity in the most efficient way possible and justify it with pure logic. Humanity will know the meaning of fear as Spock proclaims, "Illogical."

The Burger King Kid's Club. This group of unassuming, multi-ethnic marketing reps wondered into my thoughts and would be ideal ushers of destruction.
Kid Vid, with his nuclear powered visor capable of vaporizing a helpless public like ants under a magnifying glass (but with more horrifying glowing skeletal aftermath,) leads the attack against this plain of reality and commands the quickly re-dubbed “The Burger Lords of Doom.”
Boomer, the ginger tomboy who hurls Semtex filled footballs with the arm of a robotic Payton Manning.
Wheels, who may have been in a wheelchair in the ads of my childhood, now is half man and half machine who now pilots what I can only describe as the bastard child of an Abrams tank and Robocop.
J.D. the canine mascot? 12 foot tall wolf-beast with rabies.
I.Q. used to wear purple glasses and a calculator watch. Now he prefers a gas mask and a backpack that dispenses horrific chemical weapons (naturally, of his own design) that renders its victims looking like Arnold Ernst Toht t(he melting face guy from the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”)
Snaps, the blond with the camera, ditched it for a chest mounted Mark 19 automatic grenade launcher, raining down a mixture of fragmentation grenades and white hot, face melting phosphorous 40mm projectiles.
Jaws, tall with an insatiable appetite, was fitted by I.Q. with titanium pneumatic teeth and a prosthetic stomach and a Hydrofluoric acid production system, which he can vomit like a fire hose.
Finally Lingo, the guy in the vest looking like a Hispanic Captain Boomerang, was a linguistic genius but lacked a gimmick that could be twisted and formed into a hellish punishment for mankind by Kid Vid and I.Q. In the opening minutes of the campaign against humanity, he was fed to Jaws as an example of “The kind of mercy the weak can expect from their new masters.”

Mrs. Butterworth roaming through the city picking people up and squeezing things outta their head for a change.

My staypuffed Marshmellow Man would have to be a harem of anime girls. They'll show up at your house, one by one for some bizarre, contrived reason or another. Before you know it you'll have half a dozen gorgeous anime girl archetypes living under the same roof as you. You'll be so busy judging cooking compilations, enduring risque pratfalls, repeatedly explaining to the police that your not running a brothel and trying to divide time between them so none of them gets jealous that you fail to notice the evening news report about a worldwide epidemic of harems that end with the owner of the house being tentacle raped to death. But by then it will be to late.....

Jigglypuff

I realise that Hello Kitty has been named a few times already, but I have a slightly different twist. Imagine a swarm of terrors, each kitty standing about a foot tall, running on their tiny legs or rolling themselves into a ball "Critters" style and swarming over people. The real horror, though is that anyone bitten* or scratched by this mad mob of Sanrio characters morphs into a catgirl.

*Hello Kitty may appear to have no mouth, but it is there... full of needle-like Hello Kitty teeth.

how about the barney the pink dinoshaur

something completely innocent that cant possible harm you
but you know that smile he always has it spelles "im gonna haunt your dreams forever"

just like staypuff

Pammy Anderson's Tits.

That's all.

PomPom from Homestarrunner.com

The least threatening thing I could think of, yet somehow, thinking about it, I can picture him bouncing cheerily around the screen, flatening people, cars, and buildings, making happy jiggling noises while slowly increasing in size until he overtook the whole planet and just sucked the solar system into his massive, quivering sponge-balloon of a body.

It has to be Zoltar.

Not only am I going to be destroyed, I have to ask for it from a Zoltar booth on a boardwalk in Coney Island. I try to beg to be made big, but instead the horrifying request escapes my treacherous lips. With death imminent, I spend my final moment alive checking the return slot for loose quarters. Zoltar says it shall be so, and I wince only to find myself appear in hell.

Dave Lister,
He created in the universe and it seems appropriate that a man who had JFK shoot himself would end it all.

Why reinvent the wheel? The form of my destructor is the Staypuff man. He did a bang-up job the last time around, and I want an apocolypse that's experienced and tested for quality.

If there was one thing that would put me in a catatonic state, it would be Grover.

@Paul: Before you think that muppets aren't bent on the destruction of the human race, you may want to check this out. And sorry if you aren't a BSG fan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDm1I_8nj14

I'm going to come in with a late-round winner right here:

ABE "FISH" VIGODA. But with how Gozer changed Stay-Puft into a roaring, stomping bastard, so too shall Vigoda be transformed. Now just imagine a 100-foot tall Abe Vigoda thrashing his arms around like he's doing a bad Karloff impression, while spouting Godzilla battle roars. Plus, do you know how *big* a 100-foot tall man's walker would be?

Pugs. Pugs, hordes of pugs, running around your ankles snorting, biting, releasing pug flatulence. They may even be terminator pugs...

The Cookie Monster.

The number of people finding inner peace and comfort in things like Dethklok, tentacle rape, and the fleshy jowls of Abe Vigoda is disconcerting on a myriad of levels.

I do so enjoy this place.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!

Damn you Austin.

Ash Ketchum.

As a giant: The masses would scream in horror as whole cities disappear in blinding red light from colossal pokeballs. The giant Ash roars, "Gotta catch them all."

By himself (yeah, he doesn't need an army or extra size), he would simply capture each living creature on earth and add it to his collection. When earth is devoid of all life, he would just move on to the next planet.

If I was asked this, I would try to think of someone or something of pure innocence. Who could never in any way mean harm upon others.

Chance the Gardener, or Chauncey Gardener if you will. A hundred foot-tall illiterate man-child, stuffed between the ears with rice pudding. Short changed by the Lord himself and dumb as a jackass.

The last thing you'd hear before before you screamed Gobbledy-Gook to the infinities would be the booming roar of a monstrous sized Bowler-hat wearing simpleton exclaiming, "This is just like TV. Only you can see much farther."

I know I already posted but I have it. I realized what I'd think. I'd go, "Wow, just choose the form of the Destructor. Just like that TR contest. Man, last week's was hilarious." and the world would be overrun with crossover pairings, ripping holes in the space-time continuum and destroying not only the world but the entire universe.

Although I thought about going with Boba Fett- I realized when I clear my mind the thing that pops into my head- are usually clips and sound bites of old commercials..

SO you can imagine an army of Mr. Whipples -smacking you for squeexing the Charmin, Madge shoving your head and drowning you in giant bowls of Palmolive, Mr. Clean rubbing everyones head to a shine, Wheres the Beef Lady- finally finding what she was looking for, the micro machine guy- talking at you until your brain explodes like in Scanners, no defensive structure could ever prevent the Kool Aid Man from bursting through, Mr. Owl licking your head like a lollipop until he bites it off, the fruit of the Loom fruits- doing god knows what... all I can say is Mass Hysteria-- (although maybe the Simspons "Just dont look" would serve us well-- because no matter who your destructor is just remember "Simpsons Did It"

I posed the question to myself and immediately came up with...
Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
And you KNOW what they would do. They'd be tiny little buggers who sat in your ears making snapping, crackling, and popping noises until you just did yourself in.

I don't know if he was suggested yet.
I'm not reading all this shit.

Snarf.

DESTROY HIM WITH UNICRON! That'll teach that puff marshmellow.

Appropriate no?

There's only one thing in this world that would be a fitting destruction...

DEATH BY THE UTIMATE WARRIOR.

It would at least be quick... I'm quite sure he'd either shake me to death like does those ropes OR I'd die from massive brain trauma after listening to one of his promos and trying to decipher, well, anything.

The giant talking ass from Pink Floyd: The Wall.
Because I secretly hate myself, this is probably the first thing that would pop into my head.
The method of the world's destruction should be obvious, if utterly repulsive.
Seriously, that damn ass gives me nightmares. :(

How about the Twitter bird? Maybe the Fail Whale...

I am going to go with Snarf from the thundercats. The idea of a giant snarf whining about "meat-fruit" and "where did you take Lion-O?" as he trashes the fucking world is the way all life should end.

The destructor already happened.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Peeps. But that may be a little too close to the original.

The Burger King King. That dude is pure evil. Think about it: he breaks into peoples houses, harasses them, stalks them, has mastered the art of multimedia self-promotion, has a cult following, indoctrinates children, and worst of all, he convinces people that that shit he pedals to the masses is desireable food product and something to be celebrated. Either through massive coronaries or a knife to the back, that guy exists solely to do us in.

An army of lawn gnomes.
They come in droves with their sole weapons being their pet war lawn flamingos supplied by elves under the employ of Santa Claus. They have their flamingos attack and then call forth a shower of mimes from the heavens as a distraction while at the same time lunging forward to smother all in their wake leaving them to die a slow and painful death from lack of oxygen under a ton of clay gnomes.

After reading this contest, I had the exact same reaction as Ray did in the Movie. I tried to think… What would be funny? What would be weird? What is something that no one else would say? But then it just popped in there.

Tadpoles. No. It's not funny. It's not the clever answer I was looking for. Like I said. It just popped in there.

As a kid, I would ride my bike down the dirt trail to a part of the neighborhood that was just brush and woods. At the end of the trail was a small pond that was often full of tadpoles. It’s one of my fondest memories as a kid.

But if a god sent tadpoles to destroy the world, these cute amphibians would morph into something much scarier. Like the frog beasts in B.P.R.D. And who’s to say it hasn’t happened before? We often hear about the times when it rains frogs. Maybe tadpoles have already been sent to destroy the world? They’re just really bad at it.

Bowser and his Koopa crew. Sure, sure we're all played the games and realized that the one playable character is what does them in, but really, is there any better or more iconic invasion, conquest, and occupation group in videogame history? They've got their shit together: they've got suicide bombers, mutants, robots, ground/air/sea assault, ammo out the ass, advanced technology, magic, overwhelming numbers, and single-minded devotion. And they run like a Swiss watch. Ever wonder why Mario never thwarted them while they were in the PROCESS of taking down Mushroom Kingdom? It's because they've got that shit wrapped up between the time they fire the first shot and the time news reached Mario's ears. They control everything and have effectively implemented their own political hierarchy. And consider that with all his 1-ups, start-overs, healing items, power-ups and hit points, Mario only triumphs because he's functionally immortal. Now I'm not saying that they have the juice to control the world, but I'd argue that they could take it down.

Fact: The Taliban modeled themselves on the Koopas. I totally read it somewhere that I won't reveal to you.

Mario from the original game. Being a Nintendo kid I always saw Mario as a sort of friend, that if he were chosen as the destroyer, would be more likely to help out than to...well...destroy...er.

My wife on the other hand could only think of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

My choice would be Starscream....

I mean he would start the destruction, whine about how he should be leading the Decepticons instead of doing this then quit and go attack Megatron.

Ultimately most of the world would survive, problem solved

Charlie Sheen.

I'm one of those people that can't empty their mind. I would end up trying to think of something or someone benign: Shirley Temple.

After thinking about it, I'll go with Mewtwo. To this day he remains the only pokemon that it's acceptable to like among people over fourteen. He was jaded, existential, and KILLED people for God's sake. While all the others just stood around waiting to be captured, enslaved, forced into breeding, put in horrible fanfictions, and thrown into rings gladiator style to willingly fight until losing consciousness for the honor and amusement of people, Mewtwo was icing mofos. He was the Che GODDAMN Guevara of pokemon. Plus, I got a thing for large-scale telekinetic destruction

Definitely Wonder Pets. Hands down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxlWvE2U0nw

DC's Doomsday and Marvel's Apocalypse so they can actually live up to their names and to once and for all prove that bridging the DC and Marvel divide through crossovers for drooling fanboys will literally end the world.

Inevitably the first thing that would enter my heard is this girl that I have had a huge crush on for years. Last time I saw her was sexy as usual and cosplaying as Medusa, the villain from the new Soul Eater anime. So would without a doubt the form of my destructor would be the character Medusa from Soul Eater. I honestly don't know alot about Medusa though other then I don't know the fact she is a powerful witch with legions of impaling "Vector Arrow" snakes, wields the legendary sword Ragnarok, can disguise herself from the Grim reaper himself, and of course has a knack for devouring souls!!! 40-feet tall or not humanity would be *gulp* toast.

I am going to say Grumpy Bear from the fan fiction Friday: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/02/fan_fiction_friday_cheer_bear_and_grumpy_bear_in_g.php
Not only would it be a giant care bear that is the avatar of destruction, hes also a rapist. The cloud on his stomach would also become he new emblem of all that is evil and bad instead of the upside down pentagram.

An audio recording of all FanFictionFriday's read by an obviously masturbating Gilfred Godfried blasted at full volume all over the world on a continuous loop for eternity. His loud sqwacky climax would mark the transition between stories.

That adorable little alien creature specimen in The Flight of the Navigator.

3 girls, one cup

the black lady from Tom & Jerry. She would be so big, that, in fact, we couldn´t see her above her legs. Just as we are used to see her.
It could be the same with Cow & chiken´s parents, or that pipe-smoker guy from Ren & Stimpy

Dont know if this has been said already dont have time to read 400 somthing comments personally id like to see the Pillsbarry doughboy not that lame rip off for legal reasons Mr Staypuff. Dam you copywrite laws dam you to hell.

While vacationing in Florida, I go snorkeling and Plankton, from Spongebob SquarePants crawls into my ear and sets up camp in my cerebelum. From there, he uses my human body and aposable thumbs in another hair-brained scheme to get his hands on the delicious crabby-patty. He'd probably use his shrink ray to make me the same size as the average citizen of Bikini Bottom and find a way to make me breathe under water with his mad scientist skills. Bonus for me, I'd get to taste the best burger in the world as well as live the rest of my days in a town where none of the laws of physics apply and that gets regular visits from David Hasselhoff!!!

So, I hope I'm not too late... it's only 9:52 pm on Sunday here in Portland!

My thought would be Bobo & L'il Debbull from "Nothing But Trouble". They may suck at checkers, but don't fuck with their Demi or they'll take you down!

@undeadpool:

Bubbleman! At least we'd die with the coolest video game music ever blaring in the background...

I would pick Bruce Campbell as Ash, and he would be cutting peoples heads of with his chainsaw

It's so painfully obvious! PAINFULLY!

Mike Nelson... I mean, he already destroyed three planets and broke the Hubble, thus earning him the name, "Mike Nelson: Destroyer of Worlds".

And the scary thing is that none of the times he destroyed those planets were intentional. He's gonna fuck everything up and destroy the Earth by accident, probably because he tripped over something...

The ballon kid. He would distract you with a giant silver baloon. It would truely look like the bringer of death. However, while people marveled at the (decoy) baloon, he would sneak up in a box, a la Solid Snake, and kill them with knives and fire. If that seems too... pedestrian, the second thing that popped into my mind was Pvt. Pyle from Full Metal Jacket. Jelly dohnuts and rifle fire for eveyone!

a real giant ORKO!...now we're Doomed!

Brock fucking Sampson. That horrible Swedish Murder Machine just wreaking havoc on humanity. God help us.

Goku - i really don't know why. But i thought of someone who'd protect you, and then made him evil. Imagine a 20-foot tall Goku dropping a spirit bomb. Terrifying.

That's easy.

Piglet from (Disney's) Winnie the Pooh.
That little fellow is a fucking coward,no way he would be up harming me. It's like me being a classical mouse to an elefant.

:D