• Neil Patrick Harris..

• I know I missed the deadline, but I just had to comment with, without a doubt, Kasumi Tendo from Ranma 1/2.

• First I would say Ronald McDonald, but when I reflect on the terrible happy meal inspired mayhem he would inflict upon the town I realize that he already has caused unbelievable destruction on today's children in the form of obesity... so he has already fulfilled the role of the Destructor. Thanks to him generations of children will die a premature death due to high intakes of trans fat. Not to mention he's creepier than Satan wearing a muumuu in Antarctica.

• I hate timezones

• Have you ever tried not to think of anything on command? Its impossible, soon thoughts of everything will race in the head in small flicks, so the world will most likely end in smothering in a giant Salma Hayeks clevage, all the while fish and cakes will rain down, burying people, thus depraving them of air and the sight of miss Hayeks glorious bosom. In an attempt to avoid this awesome but stinking demise, I world think of my childhoods beloved Donald Duck, brave but temperamental and monumental unlucky... Crap! Goofy friendly, a bit clumsy, who eat peanuts... peanuts? Shit! Tigerente, tiger duck (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tigerente) Its a little drawn wooden tigerstriped duckcart, a simi aware toy, just there to nugde the story along. To my joy all the smoke and thunder only make the little wooden bewheeled tiger duck appear. I am relieved, full of joy, when the little Tigerente nugdes my foot and I see: Goofy eating peanuts of his hat, and theareby becoming Super Goof. He throws cars around in evil fury, and only luck allows me to escape to quiet back alley with the Tigerente. As I breathe, Tigerente makes me aware of: The Duck Avenger(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duck_Avenger), Donald Ducks batmanlike alter ego, who with his freezegun and ticklegun spreads terror among the escaped of Super Goofs wraith, in effect a terrifying duck combination of Mr Freeze, the Joker and Batman. As I run away, hearing the Duck Avengers qwarking Christian Bale like laugther "Kvrum kvrum kvrum, Kvrum kvrum kvrum", I step on the bewheelled Tigerente and falls flat down on my back. Betrayed by the fucking Tigerente I look up at the sky, seeing it rains... shit, Crap! If I ever dies in a magic shitstorm it is yours fault Rob

• Like all moments where I need clairty and sage-like wisdom, I would think of the one who has always provided me comfort. Yoda. What sucks is that Yoda would totally lay-waste at 3 feet tall, an 80 foot Yoda would destroy part of the universe, but would be so badass to watch...

• When ever im down or depressed i like to play Tom Jones music.It always cheers me up.So i guess A GIANT FURRY CHESTED,MUTTON CHOP SIDE BURN ,WHITE GUY AFRO'D TOM JONES WOULD DESTROY US ALL.

• Goddammit. I let my mind go blank and I had this image of Gilligan and the Castaways pelting me with coconuts like in the episode with the mind-control mad scientist, Boris Badinov or whatever it was. And I just know Ginger and Mary-Anne got pitcher's arms and bean me right in the face and the junk, YOWIE!!!

• Haruhi Suzumiya. Oh god, Haruhi Suzumiya. She would definitely be the first person to pop into my head, no doubt about it, and that would be terrifying. She'd probably dance me to death. The image of a giant killer Haruhi Suzumiya is going to haunt me for the rest of the week. Also, she'd be pretty damn scary, considering that Haruhi is God. Help me!! Help me!! Haruhi is coming!!

• Colonel Sanders As my mind goes blank, I see fried chicken. and yet ironically KFC along with that MacDonald's is killing Americans with their cancer giving food. Ronald McDonald could fit the profile too, but the fear of clowns prevents me from thinking Ronald would never destroy me since i know he is... but damn i could go for the colonel's fried chicken right now. its so GOOD!

• That's easy. Piglet from (Disney's) Winnie the Pooh. That little fellow is a fucking coward,no way he would be up harming me. It's like me being a classical mouse to an elefant. :D

• Goku - i really don't know why. But i thought of someone who'd protect you, and then made him evil. Imagine a 20-foot tall Goku dropping a spirit bomb. Terrifying.

• Brock fucking Sampson. That horrible Swedish Murder Machine just wreaking havoc on humanity. God help us.

• a real giant ORKO!...now we're Doomed!

• The ballon kid. He would distract you with a giant silver baloon. It would truely look like the bringer of death. However, while people marveled at the (decoy) baloon, he would sneak up in a box, a la Solid Snake, and kill them with knives and fire. If that seems too... pedestrian, the second thing that popped into my mind was Pvt. Pyle from Full Metal Jacket. Jelly dohnuts and rifle fire for eveyone!

• It's so painfully obvious! PAINFULLY! Mike Nelson... I mean, he already destroyed three planets and broke the Hubble, thus earning him the name, "Mike Nelson: Destroyer of Worlds". And the scary thing is that none of the times he destroyed those planets were intentional. He's gonna fuck everything up and destroy the Earth by accident, probably because he tripped over something...

• I would pick Bruce Campbell as Ash, and he would be cutting peoples heads of with his chainsaw

• @undeadpool: Bubbleman! At least we'd die with the coolest video game music ever blaring in the background...

• So, I hope I'm not too late... it's only 9:52 pm on Sunday here in Portland! My thought would be Bobo & L'il Debbull from "Nothing But Trouble". They may suck at checkers, but don't fuck with their Demi or they'll take you down!

• While vacationing in Florida, I go snorkeling and Plankton, from Spongebob SquarePants crawls into my ear and sets up camp in my cerebelum. From there, he uses my human body and aposable thumbs in another hair-brained scheme to get his hands on the delicious crabby-patty. He'd probably use his shrink ray to make me the same size as the average citizen of Bikini Bottom and find a way to make me breathe under water with his mad scientist skills. Bonus for me, I'd get to taste the best burger in the world as well as live the rest of my days in a town where none of the laws of physics apply and that gets regular visits from David Hasselhoff!!!

• Dont know if this has been said already dont have time to read 400 somthing comments personally id like to see the Pillsbarry doughboy not that lame rip off for legal reasons Mr Staypuff. Dam you copywrite laws dam you to hell.

• the black lady from Tom & Jerry. She would be so big, that, in fact, we couldn´t see her above her legs. Just as we are used to see her. It could be the same with Cow & chiken´s parents, or that pipe-smoker guy from Ren & Stimpy

• 3 girls, one cup

• That adorable little alien creature specimen in The Flight of the Navigator.

• An audio recording of all FanFictionFriday's read by an obviously masturbating Gilfred Godfried blasted at full volume all over the world on a continuous loop for eternity. His loud sqwacky climax would mark the transition between stories.

• I am going to say Grumpy Bear from the fan fiction Friday: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/02/fan_fiction_friday_cheer_bear_and_grumpy_bear_in_g.php Not only would it be a giant care bear that is the avatar of destruction, hes also a rapist. The cloud on his stomach would also become he new emblem of all that is evil and bad instead of the upside down pentagram.

• Inevitably the first thing that would enter my heard is this girl that I have had a huge crush on for years. Last time I saw her was sexy as usual and cosplaying as Medusa, the villain from the new Soul Eater anime. So would without a doubt the form of my destructor would be the character Medusa from Soul Eater. I honestly don't know alot about Medusa though other then I don't know the fact she is a powerful witch with legions of impaling "Vector Arrow" snakes, wields the legendary sword Ragnarok, can disguise herself from the Grim reaper himself, and of course has a knack for devouring souls!!! 40-feet tall or not humanity would be *gulp* toast.

• DC's Doomsday and Marvel's Apocalypse so they can actually live up to their names and to once and for all prove that bridging the DC and Marvel divide through crossovers for drooling fanboys will literally end the world.

• Definitely Wonder Pets. Hands down. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxlWvE2U0nw

• After thinking about it, I'll go with Mewtwo. To this day he remains the only pokemon that it's acceptable to like among people over fourteen. He was jaded, existential, and KILLED people for God's sake. While all the others just stood around waiting to be captured, enslaved, forced into breeding, put in horrible fanfictions, and thrown into rings gladiator style to willingly fight until losing consciousness for the honor and amusement of people, Mewtwo was icing mofos. He was the Che GODDAMN Guevara of pokemon. Plus, I got a thing for large-scale telekinetic destruction

• I'm one of those people that can't empty their mind. I would end up trying to think of something or someone benign: Shirley Temple.

• Charlie Sheen.

• My choice would be Starscream.... I mean he would start the destruction, whine about how he should be leading the Decepticons instead of doing this then quit and go attack Megatron. Ultimately most of the world would survive, problem solved

• Mario from the original game. Being a Nintendo kid I always saw Mario as a sort of friend, that if he were chosen as the destroyer, would be more likely to help out than to...well...destroy...er. My wife on the other hand could only think of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

• Bowser and his Koopa crew. Sure, sure we're all played the games and realized that the one playable character is what does them in, but really, is there any better or more iconic invasion, conquest, and occupation group in videogame history? They've got their shit together: they've got suicide bombers, mutants, robots, ground/air/sea assault, ammo out the ass, advanced technology, magic, overwhelming numbers, and single-minded devotion. And they run like a Swiss watch. Ever wonder why Mario never thwarted them while they were in the PROCESS of taking down Mushroom Kingdom? It's because they've got that shit wrapped up between the time they fire the first shot and the time news reached Mario's ears. They control everything and have effectively implemented their own political hierarchy. And consider that with all his 1-ups, start-overs, healing items, power-ups and hit points, Mario only triumphs because he's functionally immortal. Now I'm not saying that they have the juice to control the world, but I'd argue that they could take it down. Fact: The Taliban modeled themselves on the Koopas. I totally read it somewhere that I won't reveal to you.

• After reading this contest, I had the exact same reaction as Ray did in the Movie. I tried to think… What would be funny? What would be weird? What is something that no one else would say? But then it just popped in there. Tadpoles. No. It's not funny. It's not the clever answer I was looking for. Like I said. It just popped in there. As a kid, I would ride my bike down the dirt trail to a part of the neighborhood that was just brush and woods. At the end of the trail was a small pond that was often full of tadpoles. It's one of my fondest memories as a kid. But if a god sent tadpoles to destroy the world, these cute amphibians would morph into something much scarier. Like the frog beasts in B.P.R.D. And who's to say it hasn't happened before? We often hear about the times when it rains frogs. Maybe tadpoles have already been sent to destroy the world? They're just really bad at it.

• An army of lawn gnomes. They come in droves with their sole weapons being their pet war lawn flamingos supplied by elves under the employ of Santa Claus. They have their flamingos attack and then call forth a shower of mimes from the heavens as a distraction while at the same time lunging forward to smother all in their wake leaving them to die a slow and painful death from lack of oxygen under a ton of clay gnomes.

• The Burger King King. That dude is pure evil. Think about it: he breaks into peoples houses, harasses them, stalks them, has mastered the art of multimedia self-promotion, has a cult following, indoctrinates children, and worst of all, he convinces people that that shit he pedals to the masses is desireable food product and something to be celebrated. Either through massive coronaries or a knife to the back, that guy exists solely to do us in.

• Peeps. But that may be a little too close to the original.

• The destructor already happened. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

• I am going to go with Snarf from the thundercats. The idea of a giant snarf whining about "meat-fruit" and "where did you take Lion-O?" as he trashes the fucking world is the way all life should end.

• How about the Twitter bird? Maybe the Fail Whale...

• The giant talking ass from Pink Floyd: The Wall. Because I secretly hate myself, this is probably the first thing that would pop into my head. The method of the world's destruction should be obvious, if utterly repulsive. Seriously, that damn ass gives me nightmares. :(

• There's only one thing in this world that would be a fitting destruction... DEATH BY THE UTIMATE WARRIOR. It would at least be quick... I'm quite sure he'd either shake me to death like does those ropes OR I'd die from massive brain trauma after listening to one of his promos and trying to decipher, well, anything.

• DESTROY HIM WITH UNICRON! That'll teach that puff marshmellow. Appropriate no?

• I don't know if he was suggested yet. I'm not reading all this shit. Snarf.

• I posed the question to myself and immediately came up with... Snap, Crackle, and Pop. And you KNOW what they would do. They'd be tiny little buggers who sat in your ears making snapping, crackling, and popping noises until you just did yourself in.

• Although I thought about going with Boba Fett- I realized when I clear my mind the thing that pops into my head- are usually clips and sound bites of old commercials.. SO you can imagine an army of Mr. Whipples -smacking you for squeexing the Charmin, Madge shoving your head and drowning you in giant bowls of Palmolive, Mr. Clean rubbing everyones head to a shine, Wheres the Beef Lady- finally finding what she was looking for, the micro machine guy- talking at you until your brain explodes like in Scanners, no defensive structure could ever prevent the Kool Aid Man from bursting through, Mr. Owl licking your head like a lollipop until he bites it off, the fruit of the Loom fruits- doing god knows what... all I can say is Mass Hysteria-- (although maybe the Simspons "Just dont look" would serve us well-- because no matter who your destructor is just remember "Simpsons Did It"

• I know I already posted but I have it. I realized what I'd think. I'd go, "Wow, just choose the form of the Destructor. Just like that TR contest. Man, last week's was hilarious." and the world would be overrun with crossover pairings, ripping holes in the space-time continuum and destroying not only the world but the entire universe.

• If I was asked this, I would try to think of someone or something of pure innocence. Who could never in any way mean harm upon others. Chance the Gardener, or Chauncey Gardener if you will. A hundred foot-tall illiterate man-child, stuffed between the ears with rice pudding. Short changed by the Lord himself and dumb as a jackass. The last thing you'd hear before before you screamed Gobbledy-Gook to the infinities would be the booming roar of a monstrous sized Bowler-hat wearing simpleton exclaiming, "This is just like TV. Only you can see much farther."

• Ash Ketchum. As a giant: The masses would scream in horror as whole cities disappear in blinding red light from colossal pokeballs. The giant Ash roars, "Gotta catch them all." By himself (yeah, he doesn't need an army or extra size), he would simply capture each living creature on earth and add it to his collection. When earth is devoid of all life, he would just move on to the next planet.

• Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Damn you Austin.

• The number of people finding inner peace and comfort in things like Dethklok, tentacle rape, and the fleshy jowls of Abe Vigoda is disconcerting on a myriad of levels. I do so enjoy this place.

• The Cookie Monster.

• Pugs. Pugs, hordes of pugs, running around your ankles snorting, biting, releasing pug flatulence. They may even be terminator pugs...

• I'm going to come in with a late-round winner right here: ABE "FISH" VIGODA. But with how Gozer changed Stay-Puft into a roaring, stomping bastard, so too shall Vigoda be transformed. Now just imagine a 100-foot tall Abe Vigoda thrashing his arms around like he's doing a bad Karloff impression, while spouting Godzilla battle roars. Plus, do you know how *big* a 100-foot tall man's walker would be?

• @Paul: Before you think that muppets aren't bent on the destruction of the human race, you may want to check this out. And sorry if you aren't a BSG fan. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDm1I_8nj14

• If there was one thing that would put me in a catatonic state, it would be Grover.

• Why reinvent the wheel? The form of my destructor is the Staypuff man. He did a bang-up job the last time around, and I want an apocolypse that's experienced and tested for quality.

• Dave Lister, He created in the universe and it seems appropriate that a man who had JFK shoot himself would end it all.

• It has to be Zoltar. Not only am I going to be destroyed, I have to ask for it from a Zoltar booth on a boardwalk in Coney Island. I try to beg to be made big, but instead the horrifying request escapes my treacherous lips. With death imminent, I spend my final moment alive checking the return slot for loose quarters. Zoltar says it shall be so, and I wince only to find myself appear in hell.

• PomPom from Homestarrunner.com The least threatening thing I could think of, yet somehow, thinking about it, I can picture him bouncing cheerily around the screen, flatening people, cars, and buildings, making happy jiggling noises while slowly increasing in size until he overtook the whole planet and just sucked the solar system into his massive, quivering sponge-balloon of a body.

• Pammy Anderson's Tits. That's all.

• how about the barney the pink dinoshaur something completely innocent that cant possible harm you but you know that smile he always has it spelles "im gonna haunt your dreams forever" just like staypuff

• I realise that Hello Kitty has been named a few times already, but I have a slightly different twist. Imagine a swarm of terrors, each kitty standing about a foot tall, running on their tiny legs or rolling themselves into a ball "Critters" style and swarming over people. The real horror, though is that anyone bitten* or scratched by this mad mob of Sanrio characters morphs into a catgirl. *Hello Kitty may appear to have no mouth, but it is there... full of needle-like Hello Kitty teeth.

• Jigglypuff

• My staypuffed Marshmellow Man would have to be a harem of anime girls. They'll show up at your house, one by one for some bizarre, contrived reason or another. Before you know it you'll have half a dozen gorgeous anime girl archetypes living under the same roof as you. You'll be so busy judging cooking compilations, enduring risque pratfalls, repeatedly explaining to the police that your not running a brothel and trying to divide time between them so none of them gets jealous that you fail to notice the evening news report about a worldwide epidemic of harems that end with the owner of the house being tentacle raped to death. But by then it will be to late.....

• Mrs. Butterworth roaming through the city picking people up and squeezing things outta their head for a change.

• <A HREF="http://phantompants.tumblr.com/post/222937723/when-topless-robot-sfw-asked-the-ghostbusters">The Burger King Kid's Club</a>. This group of unassuming, multi-ethnic marketing reps wondered into my thoughts and would be ideal ushers of destruction. Kid Vid, with his nuclear powered visor capable of vaporizing a helpless public like ants under a magnifying glass (but with more horrifying glowing skeletal aftermath,) leads the attack against this plain of reality and commands the quickly re-dubbed "The Burger Lords of Doom." Boomer, the ginger tomboy who hurls Semtex filled footballs with the arm of a robotic Payton Manning. Wheels, who may have been in a wheelchair in the ads of my childhood, now is half man and half machine who now pilots what I can only describe as the bastard child of an Abrams tank and Robocop. J.D. the canine mascot? 12 foot tall wolf-beast with rabies. I.Q. used to wear purple glasses and a calculator watch. Now he prefers a gas mask and a backpack that dispenses horrific chemical weapons (naturally, of his own design) that renders its victims looking like Arnold Ernst Toht t(he melting face guy from the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark.") Snaps, the blond with the camera, ditched it for a chest mounted Mark 19 automatic grenade launcher, raining down a mixture of fragmentation grenades and white hot, face melting phosphorous 40mm projectiles. Jaws, tall with an insatiable appetite, was fitted by I.Q. with titanium pneumatic teeth and a prosthetic stomach and a Hydrofluoric acid production system, which he can vomit like a fire hose. Finally Lingo, the guy in the vest looking like a Hispanic Captain Boomerang, was a linguistic genius but lacked a gimmick that could be twisted and formed into a hellish punishment for mankind by Kid Vid and I.Q. In the opening minutes of the campaign against humanity, he was fed to Jaws as an example of "The kind of mercy the weak can expect from their new masters."

• SPOCK! No one would see it coming. And so far no one here dared to dream it. Whether by himself or with a clone army, I'm sure all of us at TR know deep down that Spock could take out humanity in the most efficient way possible and justify it with pure logic. Humanity will know the meaning of fear as Spock proclaims, "Illogical."

• I choose King Kong. We already know his strategy (find pretty girl/climb tall building) so maybe we'd have a fighting chance. Plus, if you're gonna go down, you might as well go down with a feeling that you're on a 1933 Universal Studios set, wherein every last one of us can feel like a star before being squashed.

• I choose King Kong. We already know his strategy (find pretty girl/climb tall building) so maybe we'd have a fighting chance. Plus, if you're gonna go down, you might as well go down with a feeling that you're on a 1933 Universal Studios set, wherein every last one of us can feel like a star before being squashed.

• Woody Allen, unless of course you are an adopted underage Asian girl.

• Bill Nye the science guy. I'm not even sure how that would end but I'm sure he'd invent something that would kill us all. HE does hold a number of patents. He could probably just add deathray to that list.

• Mrs. Beasly - my childhood doll, a little old lady. I still have her up on the shelf. She wouldn't hurt a fly on my head.

• Neil Pert. A gigantic-ass drum kit would appear in the center of the room with him at its center. From there he would play. And he would play a drum solo. A Drum Solo of Life that would raise the dead back to life as zombies, ending humanity as we know it.

• the episode of who´s the boss when tony see angela in the shower

• No one's mentioned the pink haired Stephanie from LazyTown yet??

• a box of condoms.

• Gomez Adams. The original one. *Shivers*

• Who else but my childhood best friend, Snowdrop? Bit of background. I got a stuffed dolphin for my second birthday and named him Snowdrop. That toy went everywhere with me. He was my best friend. Then, when I was eight, I went to the aquarium and made a horrible discovery. All those years ago, my parents had lied to me. Snowdrop wasn't a dolphin. Snowdrop was a shark. I'm sorry, world. I have unleashed a giant, fluffy shark with a serious grudge upon you.

• Betty Crocker. She would calmly bake us all into her sweet, delicious cookies.

• america's sweetheart Taylor Swift

• I tried to do exactly what Ray did and clear my mind, and what is the first thing that pops in my head. The Fraggle Rock theme song. How god damn scary would hat be, especially if they were all the size of The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. I can just see it now, What did you do Jonesie, WHAT DID YOU DO? DUM DUM DUM Do-DUM - DUM DUM DUM Do-DUM Over 100 15 story high Muppets appear, dancing and singing. Dance your cares away, Worry's for another day. (Dancing and causing an earthquake the likes of which have never seen) Let the music play, Down at Fraggle Rock. (They start twirling around knocking buildings down like they are mad of cardboard) Work you cares away, Dancing's for another day. Let the Fraggles play, We're Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, Red. (At This point the entire city of new York has been laid to waste) Dance your cares away, Worry's for another day. Let the music play, Down at Fraggle Rock. Down at Fraggle Rock. Down at Fraggle Rock. (The last thing you see before the last once of life is drained from your body is Gozer singing the last couple of lines while clapping) The End

• lol, I meant Buster! curse my inability to edit these posts...

• I need to retract my earlier entry (william shatner) and replace it with this: Busty, the crash test dummy from the Mythbusters. just imagine a 100ft tall crash test dummy replicating all of those explosive/violent/death-inducing myths on the streets of NYC. people by the hundreds will be killed by the flying limbs and flaming pink 'flesh' he's covered with.

• Bob Barker. Don't ask me why, but when I cleared my head and tried to think the most harmless thought, I thought of Bob Barker. Mind you, I don't see a giant Bob Barker destroying the world. I picture it more like the end of the (horrible) third Matrix movie. Thousands upon thousands of angry Bob Barker clones, standing in the rain. All of them ready to unleash a murderous, hellish rampage upon the face of the earth. Ragnarok, come on down!

• Fishstick kitties. You think they're just adorable morsels of minced and breaded seafood until one of the toothpicks holding them together pierces the roof of your mouth and sinus, sending a fatal shard of wood into the section of your brain that regulates your breathing and sphincter control.

• Tickle Me Elmo: the incessant laughing, jittering, and falling down and seizuring that it does will cause earthquakes and tsunami's to tear apart and flood the world. Volcanoes will erupt without warning causing fire and brimstone to rain from the sky. Dogs and Cats will live together, mass hysteria will erupt. Those who survive will be plagued by the never ending laughing and will eventually take their own lives to ease their pain and get that sleep they so desire.

• Erin gets my vote, Marty's vengeance on the human population for overcrowding and killing off his animal friends. Even if he squished my family, that soothing beardy voice would carry me off to forgiveness. Thank you Erin.

• as i sit here thinking of what not to think of a single rsndom stray thought pops in from cartoon past - crumb from ahhh real monsters. he may have had a stench and held his eye balls in the palm of his hand but lets face it for something scary he is not. it would be a long and disgusting death. i could imagine comparing his destructtion to that of a child with a newly completed lego tower.

• 'Fuck it! I tried clearing my mind but I can't. Everytime I come close, I run into the same brick wall that I've been slacked against since I was twelve years old: porn. There's no getting rid of the stuff. It's like a psychological STD (and here I thought choking the chicken was safe sex). So you know what? That's what I'm going with. That's the form of my Destructor. Gratuitous, raw, unspeakable, unforgiveable pornography. The real low rent shit that makes you do a double take and hate yourself afterward. Annihilation by way of the nasty. And it suits, because if I'm going down, it'll be while I'm pumping it like a piston, just as the good Lord intended. Matter of fact, I think I might just bring about a little doomsday right now. Use that T-shirt to clean up the mess. ...don't judge me' I do judge you, you horny bastard. Rob said no nastiness this time! Now go jack off last week's contest and hang your head in shame while you do it.

• DeeDee from Dexter's Laboratory.

• I'd pick Jesus. Jesus Christ. I'm not particularly religious, but I mean.... COME ON. If we're all going to die, I want to be able to say "I told you so" before I kick it. Can I get an amen?

• A dugong or a manatee. The most gentle mammal known to man...until those "Horny Manatee" sketches on Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien came along. Scary.

• Cringer from the original He-Man. He'd whinge and cry and probably obliterate us all with a sneeze.

• Zombies, but not for the reason you'd think. Pop culture has become so saturated with zombie related media that they're no longer scary. You can get adorable plush zombies. Zombies are everywhere. When I clear my mind, the word that I most closely associate with entertainment, zombies, enters my head, but only due to the volume of it.

• Totoro. Specifically, the big one that sleeps a lot.

• Fuck it! I tried clearing my mind but I can't. Everytime I come close, I run into the same brick wall that I've been slacked against since I was twelve years old: porn. There's no getting rid of the stuff. It's like a psychological STD (and here I thought choking the chicken was safe sex). So you know what? That's what I'm going with. That's the form of my Destructor. Gratuitous, raw, unspeakable, unforgiveable pornography. The real low rent shit that makes you do a double take and hate yourself afterward. Annihilation by way of the nasty. And it suits, because if I'm going down, it'll be while I'm pumping it like a piston, just as the good Lord intended. Matter of fact, I think I might just bring about a little doomsday right now. Use that T-shirt to clean up the mess. ...don't judge me

• A Jupiter Jack. It would probably emit a high-powered radio wave and destroy me. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but 20years from now when I get 18 different kinds of cancer and 99.3FM plays nothing but malevolent laughter- I'll know. In a related note I had an argument with husband about the difference between the Stay Puft Marshmallow man and the Michelin man. My response "But one of them is real!"

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