The 9 Most Suggestive Mega Man Boss Names

By Caleb Goellner in Daily Lists, Video Games
Wednesday, Nov. 18 2009 @ 8:06AM
They say that the truest measure of a hero lies in the tenacity of the villains that they face. Batman, Spider-Man, the Flash, Godzilla; these are protagonists with some serious galleries of rogues. Still, there's one video game star that may have them bested. That's right, Capcom's blue bomber Mega Man, who (in his various incarnations) has faced down hundreds of unique foes. This is an extremely impressive track record considering that each of these so-called robot masters have proven lethal to players time and time again. Regardless, even the most remarkable lineup of villains is bound to bear a few, well, not necessarily misnomers, but hilarious-sounding foes in mix - it's just the law of averages at work. Prepare for sophomoric innuendo aplenty as TR counts down some of the most suggestive boss names in the Mega Man franchise.
9) Quick Man
>
It probably wasn't up to him, but Quick Man was given a terrible code name. Not only does it imply a certain lack of...stamina, it's also fails to characterize his true killing ability. Most Mega Man bosses are named after their weapon, or at least their lethal power (Bomb Man has a bomb, etc.), but Quick Man throws boomerangs - quickness is kind of just a bonus. So really, the ladies (well, Splash Woman anyway) would be all about him if he'd just marketed himself with more confidence.

8) Burst Man

Like a lot of the evil robots on this list, Burst Man's seemingly tasteful name is most impaired when coupled with the villain's weapon of choice. This guy uses a "Danger Wrap" to effectively burst things. Now, I'm not sure if he uses this dangerous wrap on himself, but with a name like Burst Man, you kind of have to assume the worst.

7) Wood Man

Wood Man doesn't just have a name associated with those who don't need Cialis, his name also implies he's a d-bag, which he is. Look at him. That unjustifiably pouty frown proves just how bad his attitude is. Why do you think none of the other Mega Man bosses wanted to share a stage with him (other than the fact that isn't how the game works)? What's his problem anyway? You'd think a wood-based mechanation built despite the natural metallic order of the robot world would feel special, but instead he chooses to be an outsider. Fine, be that way Wood Man. Everyone would rather hang out with Plant Man anyway - at least he wears his goofy appearance like a badge of robo-honor.

6) Uranus

While the pure of heart might try to argue that it isn't accurate to pronounce "Uranus" the way immature fourth graders like to, the pure of heart are pretty much confined to Riverdale and Care-A-Lot. That said, we nerds prefer the hilarious way to say it, and since we've effectively co-opted Mega Man, this astrological-themed robot's name is officially an anus reference. After all, Dr. Wily gave the dude his robo name and he's got a PhD. Who are we to argue?

5) Fake Man

While all robots are technically "fake men," Fake Man's name implies that even his pseudo gender should be called into question. That's not to say he was a fake woman (after all, at the time of his creation the first female Mega Man boss, Splash Woman, didn't even exist) or any kind of fake human, but rather a fake robot. He's not even a real police bot! But what's a fake of a fake of a fake? Is it like how three lefts make a right? Could he be super real? Whatever the case, Holden Caulfield would likely consider him a phony.

4) Junk Man
While more mature minds (at this point, anyone with any kind of maturity has probably stopped reading) would reason that "junk" simply means garbage - and Dr. Wily did build a Garbage Man in an episode of Captain N - the Topless Robot crowd knows there's more to this boss' weapon "the Junk Shield" than meets the eye. Clearly the guy knows that rough housing on the football field can lead to injury, hence his apt piece of protective technology. If he weren't evil, he'd be a hero.

3) Plug Man

Plug Man watches Laugh-In waiting with anticipation as they tell his favorite knock-knock joke - y'know, the one where the punchline is "socket to me!" He's got a pretty innocent sense of humor for an evil robot, which is why the rest of the Mega Man 9 bosses chuckle about his unfortunate name behind his back.

2) Hard Man

Not only does Hard Man have a suggestive name, he's also one of the Mega Man bosses with an...evocative design. Likely the only foe constructed with what's clearly a lower cavity, Hard Man's sturdy nature is augmented by an ability to cause tremors. In Mega Man 3, these tremors manifest in mostly geology-related ways, but given his unique physiology, Hard Man seems just as equipped to produce tremors of passion (seriously, at this point I have to wonder what kind of Mega Man fan fiction could one day wind up on Fan Fiction Friday).

1) Split Mushroom

Anyone who has ever spent more than seven or so minutes watching contemporary anime knows what a mushroom symbolizes in Japanese culture (hint, rhymes with the last two syllables of "happiness"). So why is it any surprise the phallic fungus should find its way into a videogame franchise birthed in the Land of the Rising Sun? Split Mushroom does his best to avoid the clichés so many of his suggestively-named hombres committed by demonstrating a power set seemingly devoid of innuendo (he creates a duplicate of himself and shoots spores - like a regular shroom), but the name is just too obnoxious to overlook. Bravo, Split Mushroom, you've given a generation of gamers with Jr. High mentalities (myself included) something to smirk about for years to come.
Tags: Capcom, Immaturity, Mega Man, Pee-pees
60 comments
Email Print

Comments

ryan said:

Ummm . . . some of these are reaching . . .

Black Snow replied to ryan:

Only some? You're being generous.

LealahLupin3 replied to ryan:

Yeah, pretty lame. And hey, I'm 21 and I pronounce Uranus the "immature" way. That's the honest to god way I was taught to say it. Then again, I live in the south.

Anonymous replied to ryan:

This is probably one of the dumbest articles I've ever read.

A lot of these bosses are difficult and ought to be given credit.

If it was just an article on bad boss names, it might be more interesting and funnier... cause there are some pretty awful boss names...

Chad said:

Lame post...

Kevin replied to Chad:

Lists like this are perfectly par for the course now and then. I mean, you are reading a site called Topless Robot. :-D

Chris Sanders replied to Kevin:

No kevin, he's right. This was lame.

Seth replied to Chris Sanders:

No Kevin, I am right. You are lame.

Token replied to Seth:

No John, you are the robots.

If this thing made it on the site, I really should submit my list of Top 20 worst black nick names found in one movie.

http://www.megafriday.com/2009/11/black-dynamite-features-worst-black.html

MattK said:

What? No "Flash" Man?

A complementary list would be "Boss Names That Are Suggestive with Slight Alterations". One example: Up-In-Them-Guts Man.

Hawkeye said:

Was Splash Woman just too obvious?

toryoom replied to Hawkeye:

Heh. Maybe he just assumed too many hoplessly nerdy nerds reading this article wouldn't get the reference.

Dread said:

What about Weak List Man?

DoctorSmashy replied to Dread:

Oof. That's low.

SpecterM91 said:

"(after all, at the time of his creation the first female Mega Man boss, Splash Woman, didn't even exist)"

I thought Fake Man was from that add-on you could get for MM9, which Splash Woman appeared in.

You are correct.

Anonymous said:

Where's
Napalm Man, named after the most deadly weapon on Earth?
Flash Man (need I say more)?
Bomb Man, the white Mr. T?

Brannigan said:

You forgot to mention that the weapon you get from Uranus is Deep Digger.

WetOREO said:

Any Mega Man post equals win.

demoncat said:

seeing this list i have to think the ones who worked on mega man when coming up with the bosses name must have had their minds om something else espically for hard man which is a fff waiting to appear soon.

Moran said:

Flame Man?

Church said:

Hey Megaman, join my side/
And let me stop this moment in time/
You'll be mine forever!

"Flashman" - The Megas

sweetestsadist said:

If the new look means we get lists like these, go back to the old format.

Shudlin said:

Bless your heart, you tried. Many of these were incredibly reaching. The number one was the least amusing. And you left out some much better ones in favor of things like Fake man and Junk man?

Anonymous said:

Technically Split Mushroom is a Mega Man X boss, and isn't a Robot Master

I think "Mega Man" was used as just the franchise in general, rather than any one specific series. And the list says "bosses," not "Robot Masters," except in one off-hand reference.

Geoff said:

I thought we'd all agreed that only Mega Mans 1-3 and 9 happened, and the rest of the games (yes, including the X games) were some sort of bad dream?

Dirk Diggler said:

I liked the list. *shrug*

THE PR0F3550R said:

MM9: Use C.Shot on Splash Woman

How's that for this lists?

Chris Ward said:

Awesome, I thought I was the only one who had my mind in the gutter with Mega Man villains.

Glass said:

Weak.

Anonymous said:

Not a great list, but Quickman is an awesome robot master. The boomerang power is kind of dumb. It would be neat of some how Megaman got his super speed like the Flash and just charge into enemies the way Quickman does to Megaman.

Great Flash Video:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/183276

Mick Frisco said:

Caleb, let me say good job. All these other dildos are just Fucking-Men

TheSaintOfPain replied to Mick Frisco:

Wow. You couldn't possibly have an IQ level that would ever register. You HAVE to be that damned stupid.

Russ said:

you missed Boomer Kuwanger

Quick Man's weapon isn't simply a boomerang, but the "Quick Boomerang," so there's your name connection.

Also, it was Dr. Wright (Light) who made Garbage Man in the Captain N cartoon.

NeverPlayedWOW said:

No penis jokes relating to wood man? D:

Elrond said:

I KNEW wood man and hard man would be on this list. Seriously, Capcom...Hard Man? Really?
Here's some other possibilities...
Magna Centipede. He grabs X with his 'tail' and sucks the life from him, leaving him purple. Kinky.
Wheel Gator. Can grab X, drag him underwater, and do awful things to him.

bukakke said:

mushroom man reproduces himself and shoots spores...


kinda like BUKAKKE!!!!!!!!!!!

regal said:

They stole an image from Sydlexia. Thievery!

murdar said:

yeah this article is teh gay. way to steal from sydlexia, dim twats.

Nekkoru said:

Oh wow. You guys are still around.

Way to represent the website, even though you're banned.

Lem said:

So....

The list isn't that great, and you somehow left off Flashman, how? Really? You're gonna skip the most obvious one, aside from "Anal Man" or something?

Also, GG on stealing an image and NEVER checking. Might wanna fix that.

Brotha Kyo said:

Sad list indeed.

Also, way to steal images from sydlexia.com

What, too lazy to use Photobucket?

Chuggo said:

I like to hotlink images, image hosts I won't even try.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Cmon fuck a guy.

misfitsfiend316 said:

My personal favorite would have to be "HACK FUCKING E-REPORTER GUY NAMED CALEB GOELLNER"

Funzo The Funbot said:

Imagehosts shouldn't even figure into it. Topless Robot is a commercial website with its own webspace. The site should host images for its authors. Failure to do so is amateurish and unacceptable.

Bouya said:

lulz @ hotlinkage, is it being left up on purpose at this point? :V

List Man said:

Way to not host your own images. The fact that you get PAID to steal is wrong and it's hilarious that you finally got called on it.

Cancer said:

Eh, more free advertising for Syd LExia. and this time is from a guy paid to steal!

....that still sounds a bit odd to me

Amaryllis said:

Congratulations Caleb! You're a man of many talents (douchebaggery and theft). I hope there's a special place in Hell for you

Bobby said:

Funny article, but hotlinking is a no no.

Goonie said:

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

jarhead said:

this artical is shit compared to the one sydlexia did *cough*sydlexia.com*cough*
seriously go read and compare

Way to steal from SydLexia, dude. Epic fail. Fucking amateur, man.

lem_is_cool said:

like the original posts said, these were a stretch. Plus the image steal. Tis a great thing.

lem_is_cool said:

Ah damn, there's someone with the handle "Lem" (which is normally mine but is usually taken) which makes me look lame -_-

LowEndLem said:

How the fuck is this still up.

Also, sorry other Lem, I'll use my normal one for post comments from now on.

Sydlexia for life said:

Sydlexia is a hilarious site and i find it much better than the articles i have read here so far please try it

Write your comment

Your e-mail address will not appear to the public.

Your comment may take a few minutes to appear. Please be patient.