"...the Meyer one is getting the morion comic treatment."

I don't know if that was a typo, but it is appropriate.

*yawn* wow, that was many levels of suck (no pun intended)

Does Dracula have a lot of dandruff?

Okay, what? That was weird on so many levels.... and I never knew that Stephenie Meyer had a huge rack, a tiny waist and wore skin-tight shirts.

Jesus, that's the most boring thing since Star Trek the Motion Picture. They should make some shit up about her so I can stay awake.

What's Worse Than a Twilight Motion Comic?

Um, two Twilight Motion Comics?

Why the hell does "Dracula's" voice remind the of The Shat?

Hint to people posting four-minute videos on the web:

Do not start them with an entire minute of credits. Half-hour network TV shows have fifteen-minute credits now. If they can do it, so can you.

That is all.

wow.....I love the way they made her not fat.

It sucks that BYU stopped the practice of branding the state of Utah on the hands of all the students.

It must be said, I have the utmost respect for Meyer. Anyone who is that successful for writing derivative rubbish, while vaguely talented people like myself toil away on unread online blogs, must be doing something right.

That said, this motion comic is ludicrous. Notice how freakishly long her arm is, when she raises it? And the implication that it's stuck above her head for the next several years? I do love the cliffhanger, though.

"In college, Stephenie majored in... ENGLISH... with a focus on... LITERATURE."

All that's missing is a lightning strike in the background, and maybe a Wilhelm scream.

Defy us to sit through four minutes? It has about 2 minutes of credits!

"The curious spelling of her name comes from adding an I and an E after her father's name...Stephen" Man...glad they explicitly stated her father's name. That would have kept me up all night trying to figure out! Hmmm...sounds like a lot of daddy issues, because obviously they were hoping for Stephen Jr. and got this instead.

This just goes to further validate the claim that these books are nothing but mary-sue bullshition (bullshit fiction, feel free to propogate). Love how she thinks she's the only girl who was different. Reminds me of the Roundhouse song "I Want to Be a Rebel (Like Everyone Else)"

I think you mean "Mormon comic."

What I like about this is how it sounds like it's being narrated by a vampire William Shatner.

Hmm....
I wonder if they leave in all the parts where she trolls fan fiction websites, harvesting ideas from various 14-year-old girl's vampire stories.

Probably not.

I like how they cut off right after "LITERATURE", just so they don't have to mention how Stephanie then "SLEPT through almost ALL of her CLASSES!"

Dracula as a punch-clock narrator. That's just sad.

A shit author gets a shit motion comic. Very appropriate.

This is weird,creepy non-sparking vampirevoice telling story of normal girl. I keep expecting "But she wasn't a normal girl, while other girls were getting nose jobs she was discetting cats in her basement" not "she didn't have a car".

LMAO! it won't be long before the tweens start to say Meyers is their generation's Wheedon - and they'd be right. :)

*twitch*

Ok...um... officially the most BORING thing I have EVER seen, and so absolutely full of BULLSHIT!!

And why does Dracula have dandruff? THAT MAKES NO EFFING SENSE! Then again, neither does anything that Stephanie Meyer ever wrote...

And I love (hate) that they felt the need to mention the "unique" spelling of her name. It's not that unique. I have a friend who spells it the same way. She was named after her father too. I guess this qualifies as noteworthy in a motion comic about a crappy, mary-sue author like SMeyer.

Oh, sorry, I meant the "curious" spelling of her name. Not that it makes it any less boring...

@Abraxas

They may say it, but they most definitely won't be right. Whedon was able to write characters that could potentially be one-dimensional but made them so deep that those who normally wouldn't identify with them could. Sure, I'm not a high school cheerleader with the overwhelming responsibility of an ages-old prophecy to kill vampires, but I could identify with Buffy's sense of overwhelming responsibility. He also provided perfect characterization and growth for anti-Buffys like Cordelia and Faith.

Meyer, on the other hand, writes for that one girl who hates all the other girls for being pretty and popular (and of course, thinks that every girl is like that) and writes everyone in relation to that one character. She's nothing more than a glorified harlequin romance writer who came along at the right time for an audience that had the cash to spend.

who's better, who's worse, these things are subjective and ultimately decided by popularity. I'm an old fashioned kind of guy, to me literature in English ends with Shakespeare, Poe and Lovecraft, and compared to them Meyer is just a stain on the sidewalk. but you don't see a mania for the truly great ones as you do for Twilight (an aptly named series if you ask me). the majority anoints its kings and queens and that's that. so get ready because if you think this is bad it's getting worse. anyway, I'm just being a boor, lol; I'll take you word for it but I can't agree with it.

I read this for a quick laugh, but somewhere the experience took a turn and I find myself viscerally enraged. Now I'm even ashamed that I was born in 1973.

Too true, Abraxas. It'll be time that proves if it has any staying power.

@Manwards

Absolutely no reason to respect the ditzy broad. It's not that she's done anything right but that she caught the market at the time that made her successful, nothing more. People are getting all hellbent because of supernatural romance style stuff...she just happened to pull Twilight out when that was all the rage. Thus, instant fame. She did absolutely nothing involving talent or business savvy.

Her name made her curious because its "Stephan" with an "i" and an "e"?

Well, doesn't that just blow Watchmen out of the water...

I just googled her... not bad looking. I was expecting much much worse.

Really, doesn't everyone wish for a sparkly dildo to hit things with?

OH MY GOD...SHE MOVED TO PHEONIX AT A YOUNG AGE!

MIND EXPLODE!!

Ugh do we need to bring whedon into this and every single post on this website? Seriously let's rename the shit toplesswhedon.com (70% of the [predominantly male] readership of this website just had orgasms). Meyer is not and should never be compared to whedon...not because I give a fuck about either, but because they are twodifferent people with absolutely nothing in common except the word "vampire". But then you migt as well compare meyer to bram stoker, Robert rodriguez, Vlad the impaled, are you afraid of the dark, the count from sesame street, count chocula and any other fiction that ever had anything to do with vampires. Meyer I'd already being called this generations jk Rowling (despite that Harry potter is hardly last generation) and that's ludicrous enough. The only thing comparable to Stephanie meyer is a 14 year old goth girl cuttin herself in the back of some suburban Mormon church somewhere.

And seriously, I'd love if this website imposed like a weeklong moratorium on joss whedon. Delete any forum posts about whedon, no bullshit lists that are basically "some fillertext about space westerns and then I nozzle the words JOSS WHEDON all over the wall"...just for one week. Can any of you actually do it? Rob, can YOU do it? I challenge you.

Now I'm sure I'll get branded a whedon hater because we all know you're either a whedon hater or you've got his penis securely up your rectum. As you were .

I'm sorry, Monkey Boy, I couldn't hear you as I was too busy sucking Joss Whedon's dick. What did you say?

To be fair you should have been able to hear if you were giving JW a hummer. Unless he finished in your ears in which case blegh. (again, a good chunk of the readers just creamed at the imagery). But since I didint literally say anything I can forgive you for looking up lovingly into joss's eyes as you go down on him instead of at the screen.

On a related note, in my original post my phone autocorrected the word "jizz" as "nozzle" and I heartily approve.

@ Monkey Boy
I hear xanax does wonders with nerves. A couple people dropped the W-bomb and you flip out. Course now I'm gonna be branded a whedonite but all I know of dudes work is firefly/ serenity and I dug it.
As for meyers, skywalk her in her skywalking eye twice! She's a hack. A talentless stupid useless drivel writting hack.
She's no JK Rowling or even an author of substance.
All she has going for her is she exploited the goth/unpopular/quiet/hates their life crowd in the same fasion as the star quarterback in high school does.
Fucks em hard and everyone knows it yet he vehemently denies it.

I must hate myself today, because I watched it all... goddamn it was stupid. Here's my breakdown so you can save yourself the pain.

First minute and a half - Lame ass credits with janky organ music.

Some vampire gets up and scratches dandruff out of his hair.

The vampire sounds a bit like someone doing a bad William Shatner impersonation.

Apparently even though Stephanie Meyer fucking trashed the vampire mythos, a traditional vampire is cool enough with her to care that she moved to Arizona when she was 3. Vampires must be much kinder than me... she never wrote a book about how Logan sparkles in the sunlight, yet I can't stand her. Fascinating.

She supposedly majored in English Lit in college. I actually laughed out loud at this bullshit part. Fucking video is gonna get me fired. I defy you to read a paragraph of her inane writings. If she majored in English Lit, then her college should lose its fucking accreditation.

That's all I can take. Ugh.

....Would've been better with Grandpa Munster narrating...

...I'm just sayin'....

That, or if it were revealed that she were really a Skrull. It's hard to fit in that much exposition in the two measly minutes they have in a four-minute video. Seriously it's about 50% credits.

It's a horror story for monsters!!!! Dracula is telling the story to scare other monsters. Stephanie Meyer gives Dracula the creeps!

@Monkey Boy

If it makes you feel any better, I never liked Whedon. Too campy. Nothing original, just his campy spin on already been done to death material.

On topic however:

That woman has a degree and she writes like that?

I've read more interesting things at Creative Writing classes at community colleges...

Hell, i've read better Cracked top 9 articles for that matter.

@Monkey Boy

I wrote my undergraduate thesis comparing the overt male posturing of Robert Rodriguez's From Dusk 'till Dawn to the subconscious homoeroticism of Count Chocula! Awesome!

@MattK

I'm willing to bet beyond the last movie and such the franchise gets no staying power. hopefully by then the fans grow up. of course, we're grownups and we bitch and moan about the 80's so...

all snark and hate aside, what bothers me is what's coming next. Meyer proves anyone can be published and be a hit regardless of quality. and that proves it's not a good thing.

What Stephanie Meyer has done right is exactly what she needed to do right to achieve what she has. She wrote to the alienated teen girl, which most teen girls believe themselves to be whether it's true or not. If you read the books, even Bella has an unrealistically negative self-image, so she's nailed her target audience. Secondly, she talks in depth about the beauty and kindness of excessively hot and periodically shirtless young men, which is PG-rated porno. She's succeeded dramatically at this. She has solidly connected with weepy love-starved teen girls with at least one hand free to hold a book. This is the world she wins in, your hate cannot touch her.

true; I thought in one of the comments somebody said she didn't have any business savy, she does, oh she does....

"Hello, My Name is Stephanie Meyer, I Am a Dracula" The Comic

(From the makers of "The Sarah Palin comic: You Betcha!")

Ah! The joys of the the glorified fanfiction that is the “Twilight Saga” never ends. I bet more madness will follow till New Moon invades the cinemas.

BEWARE!

I didn't know Dracula has dandruff and can lit up candles with his fingernail...

Firstly, wow. That was a level of boring that you really have to work towards. You have to really want it, it's impossible to just be this boring.

Secondly, why the fuck is Dracula narrating this "story" anyway? Oh wait, it's because Stephanie Meyer writes about vampires who HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH DRACULA WHATSOEVER...

That's the last time I do something you challenge me to, you fucker. I about fell asleep. Dracula has such a soothing voice.

You know what's worse that the motion comic? A 30 sec ad before your 4 minute clip. Even worse than that? It's an ad for L'Oreal, featuring Beyonce, spreading goo all over her cheeks. Don't you have any say in what kind of ads run on this blog?

(to be deleted, hopefully). I wrote "that" instead of "than"... Beyonce will do that to you.

Two things:
1. Lame
2. Joss Whedon

Like everything she writes isn't mary sue crap about herself anyway? Mark my words: Far in the future, she'll still be known as the woman who made vampires completely uncool forever.

She spoiled it for everyone else.

It turned stupid the moment I heard the stone casket sounding like wood...

I watched untill 2:50

Well hey, thanks to the 2 minutes that weren't credits, I learned that the author of "satan's guide to captivating hordes of teenage girls with shitty writing" spells her name Stephenie instead of Stephanie. Thank god for that. Thanks, Dracula!