Friday, Dec. 4 2009 @ 2:55PM
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"No! Absolutely not! No way!" Naruto staunchly refused.And let's just save the rest of this until after the jump.
"Aw, c'mon, Naruto," Sora said. "You understand my predicament! It's to find my friend! You know what that's like--you're looking for your friend too, aren't you?"
"H--hey! Don't bring Sasuke into this!" Naruto said. "That's completely different."
"But still," Sora said. "You'd do anything to get him back, right? I feel just the same about Riku!"
"Well, that is . . . " Naruto faltered a little. Then he puffed back up. "That doesn't mean I'm letting you shove a giant key up my ass!"
The two spiky-haired teens stood in a forest clearing outside Konoha village, in a face-off. A minute ago they'd just been fooling around with each other. What a time for Sora to finally discover where Konoha's keyhole was located.Yes, the "keyhole" to Naruto's world of Kohona is in Naruto's ass. Necessitating that Sora fuck Naruto anally with his Keyblade. It probably goes without saying, but just in case, none of the actual KH keyholes are in anybody's asses. Just so you know.
"Listen," Sora tried to reason, "I don't know why this world's keyhole is in your, er, butthole, anymore than you do. But I've just gotta close it! Every world I close is one more world that the Heartless can't get to!"
Naruto rubbed the back of his head dismally. "I guess I get all that. And I was happy to whip those Heartless Akatsuki guys with you and everything, but . . . C'mon, Sora! This is my ass we're talking about here! My tight, defenseless, virgin ass!"You know, if you describe your own ass as tight, defenseless and virgin, you're really just begging someone to shove something up it.
"Please, Naruto?" Sora asked. His eyes pleaded silently.I'd like to think that no possible puppy-dog eyes would convince me to let a friend or loved one shove something up my ass, but then I remembered Ms. Robot once got me to go see Legally Blonde 2 in theaters, so I guess anything is possible.
Naruto grimaced, and eyed the huge key in Sora's grip. The thing was solid-looking, hard and thick, and his ass-cheeks clenched just at the thought of taking it in. It was way too big to possibly fit.
Then he looked back at Sora's face. Aw, fuck. This guy could give Akamaru a run for his money with the puppy-dog eyes.
"This Riku guy . . . He's your best friend?" Naruto asked.You know what's tragic? This is actually far less embarrassing than the actual Naruto episode when he peed on all his friends for 10 straight minutes. I'm not joking.
Sora nodded simply. "Yeah."
"And you guys fight sometimes but, in the end, you'd do anything for the guy?"
Another nod. "Yeah."
"Shit . . . " Naruto huffed. "You're lucky that I'm gonna be Hokage someday," he said, and fumbled with his pants. "That means I gotta be able to handle any adversity to protect a comrade. Or a member of your village. Or a friend. Or . . . a friend of a friend. Whatever."
"Naruto!" Sora smiled wide. "You're gonna do it!?"Does "roundest, most bubbly keyhole" bother you guys immensely too? Just checking.
"Yeah. I can't believe it, but I am . . . " Naruto muttered, and then dropped his drawers. He stuck his bare ass out at Sora. "Just . . . be gentle."
Sora stared at Naruto's butt for a second. That was the roundest, most bubbly keyhole he'd ever tried to lock. "Uh, right. The Keyblade is special. It might feel weird or uncomfortable going up you, but I don't think it'll cause any damage. I'll still use its smallest form, though. That'll be the least . . . intrusive."
"Great," Naruto said. He got down on his hands and knees. "Uhh, do it like this?"I'm just going to assume "pink virgin rosebud" bothers you. If it doesn't, please keep that to yourselves.
"Yeah, that's good," said Sora. He pointed the Keyblade at Naruto's ass. Seemingly by themselves, Naruto's round buttocks parted, and that pink virgin rosebud of his appeared. A glow shined out from his ass crack.
"Woah! Wh--what the hell is that!?" Naruto asked."Naruto's Shining Asshole" would be an awesome name for a terrible anime-themed band.
"Oh. Don't worry. Stuff like that always happens," Sora answered off-handedly.
A beam of light shot out from the tip of the Keyblade, straight into Naruto's shining asshole.
"Ah!" Naruto yelped--and then moaned. His toes curled."Cold Anal Contact" would be... oh, you know.
"You okay, Naruto?"
"Yeah. It just, ooh, tingles . . . "
"Okay," said Sora. "If you're still alright, then here it comes."
Like it was moving on it's own volition, and Sora was just the schmuck holding the handle, the Keyblade drew closer to the leaf-nin's tempting, twitching backside. It pressed between Naruto's firm cheeks, dimpling both sides.
"I'll try to go slow . . . " Sora said, concentrating on that glowing bubble-butt.
"Alright . . . " Naruto said, his breath catching at the cold anal contact.
It squeezed past those anxious buttocks. Naruto groaned a little bit, but otherwise there was no resistance as it slid along smoothly--like Naruto's ass was a well oiled lock. The cool metal felt hard and alien inside him and, was it just him, or was the Keyblade throbbing a little? The thing came to to a stop at his entrance.I admit, if this was just an elaborate plot by Sora to anally rape Naruto, I'd laugh my own anxious buttocks off. He's not, unfortunately. This is all key-on-terrible-ninja action.
"Are you ready for it to go in?" Sora asked.Please try not to think about this every time you put your key in your front doors locks this weekend. Oh! I probably shouldn't have said anything, because now you'll be certain to think of it every time you put your keys in those virgin locks! My apologies.
"Just, ahrn, do it!"
Sora nodded in determination. "Okay!"
With an "oomph," Sora pushed the thing inside. Naruto let out a hard yelp as sphincter reflexively tightened around it.
"Ahh . . . shit!" He groaned, squirming his asscheeks around the shaft. "Ghck! H--hurts! Too . . . big!"
"Sorry, Naruto! Just a little further!" Sora promised. "I think we're almost there."
"H--hurry!" Naruto panted. He could feel the shape of the thing--it's head and shaft and teeth--all violating him. "I don't think I can--nng!--take much more!"
Sora slowly, inch by inch, slid the the slick Keyblade further up Naruto's ass. He watched as those round, tan buns engulfed more and more of the thick weapon. Naruto arched his back and moaned as he was painfully, torturously, key-fucked. His entire asshole felt like it was being ripped and stretched apart.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Then, with an audible click, the Keyblade locked into place. A jolt ran down Naruto's spine, and he gasped. That key . . . it suddenly felt kinda good.
"Aaah . . . Is--Is that it?" he groaned out. His ass felt completely stuffed.
"Uhh . . . almost," said Sora. "Now I just gotta, uh, turn it."
"E--EH!? Hey--you never said anything about turning the damn thing! That's gonna hurt like a bitch, you--!"Anyone who didn't seeing this cumming coming is automatically failed and sent back to Remiedial FFF 102. Please read about Goku and Anne Frank in "Until the End of Time" and turn in a 5-page paper about how fucking crazy it is.
"Sorry, Naruto!" Sora said, and twisted the Keyblade.
"Aaahhh--AAAHHH!!" Naruto yelled. The whole insides of his ass felt like it was being scraped raw by the Keyblade's teeth.
But then, the Keyblade had made a ninety degree twist, and there was another click, like tumblers falling into place--and Naruto felt himself doing the impossible.
He was cumming. Hard.
Great strings of semen shot out from his suddenly engorged, aroused cock, looping and spiraling all over the place. Naruto couldn't believe how much was being discharged. It felt like his full, teenaged balls had just completely emptied themselves, right there--and then kept on going. He heard himself giving off long, horny moans as his cock shot over and over. It was like something had been unlocked within him, via prostate, along with whatever else the Keyblade had done in there.The first Kingdom Heart theme song is called, no shit, "Simple and Clean." I find it makes a perfect soundtrack to this scene.
He opened his eyes to stars and fireworks. At first, he thought that he'd shot his load so hard that he was literally seeing spots, but no. There literally were sparkles in the air, drifting and tinkling around. And there was an outline of a big keyhole on the ground around him, brightly shimmering. After a few moments, it faded from view.Once you go giant key, you can't go... whatever.
"Now, was . . . was that it?" Naruto asked.
"Yeah," Sora said with a chuckle. "I think that was the, uh, climax."
The guy slowly pulled the Keyblade out from the exhausted ninja keyhole. It exited Naruto's rump slickly, moist and satiated.
"That was . . . the most . . . I've ever cum . . . in my life . . . " Naruto moaned.
"Heh, yeah." Sora tapped Naruto's butt with the Keyblade. "This thing is great for all kinds of things!" He beamed at Naruto. "Thanks, Naruto! Thanks to you, this world will be safe from the Heartless. And now I'm one step closer to finding Riku!"I'm extremely grateful that Sora isn't sniffing his ass-soaked keyblade.
"Ahhn, I don't really get it, but you're welcome," Naruto said with a wince. "Anytime."
"Will you keep an eye out for Riku for me?" Sora asked. "He might still come here."Ha ha! Naruto wants to anally rape Sora now! So wacky! I assume he'll stick that giant scroll that appeared in the first episode of Naruto and was never seen again up Sora's ass. Or maybe he'll bring in a few dozen of his shadow clones, and they'll take turns raping him! Whee! Ha ha! Oh, when will death come...
"Sure," said Naruto. "Man! I seriously thought we had him when we caught that Suigetsu guy. But yeah, I'll keep my eyes peeled. How about you, you're moving on?"
"I've gotta." Sora nodded. "But I'll stop by this world again sometime. For a visit." He grinned.
Naruto reached back to rub at his poor, stretched asshole. "Next time," he muttered, "You're the one bottoming."
65 comments
Comments
Gunslinger said:
AHHHHHHHHH!
WHOSE THE FUCK RESPONSIBLE THIS!!!!
Sora, really? Really? No, no, you don't, I mean... it's Sora... -cries-
... but I was still laughing the entire time.
NicoNicoDouchebag replied to Gunslinger:
Dude, there is so much gay porno fanfiction and fanart of Sora.
I'm suprised that you didn't even know.
mjcabooseblu replied to Gunslinger:
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS
I love abusing memes.
Bad Horse said:
Awesome. This is fantastic.
Lo Pan said:
Its true, I'm numb to these fucking things.
Brion said:
God damn. I actually thought this was really funny. Has FFF finally broke me?!
BobJ said:
I say it's high time for some FFF that's from something that doesn't exist. I want to see some "Slingers" fan fiction right now, dammit!
electronsexparty said:
Man, Sora couldn't even apply some WD-40 or something to lube up that keyhole? What a dick.
Capsulesn'Coffee said:
great, now when I go to lock my door today, all I'll be able to picture is Naruto's ass being key fucked. thanks a lot fff
Kuro replied to Capsulesn'Coffee:
I know what you mean. I don't think I'll be able to start my car either...
Skemono said:
This is hilarious. Kudos to Croup!
Kuro said:
....HOLY SHIT....
As terrible as that was it still made me laugh at least. Mostly I was amused by how calm Sora was about the whole thing (or should I say "hole" thing?).
However, I also just happen to be right in the middle of playing through Kingdom Hearts 2, and I think after reading this I'm going to have to take a break for a while...
bookfisher said:
splendid, weird uncomfortable sex and future ambivalent feelings about everyday actions.
Fridays have become so much easier since I learned to drink while reading FFFs
Brim said:
The worst part of this was the "Please try not to think about this every time you put your key in your front doors locks this weekend."
I hope I left a back window unlocked.
Ophenix said:
FFF... I'v missed you.
I could envision the whole scene with the absurd lightshow effects from KH1 XD AWESEOM!
astrokender said:
I laughed my ass off. Does that mean I can't be key-raped now?
DoctorSmashy said:
This was hilarious. It might help because I have pretty much no knowledge of Naruto or Kingdom Hearts. I suppose I'd better enjoy the ignorance while I can, because next week you're only going to come up with some Mario or Spiderman or *gag* Simpsons rape story next week, aren't you?
R3MY said:
Excuse me whilst I scrub my eyeballs with a wire brush now.
ZADL said:
Take THAT, Narutards!
Not nearly enough bad spelling and grammar though. Oh well.
Sevenvoices said:
Wow when am I going to learn that eanything is possible in FFF..*sigh*
ummm...the shadow jutsu idea doenst sound bad. *blush* but then again someone will find a way to make me wish I never did! -__-
Guphynda said:
...once you've been keyed, your rectum will bleed
Sevenvoices replied to Guphynda:
love it!
Rubyrose said:
"It was like something had been unlocked within him, via prostate, "
my favourite line, by far. I think I laughed way to much for this, so next week will be filled with tears, right?
But at least if I ever need to describe someone's ass, I'll have plenty of ideas..so that's a plus I guess.....
Also super glad I gave up on KH, and unplugged my PS2 awhile ago..
CChaos said:
Sweet mother of god, my eyes
*shudders*
Sadly, I have to agree, this got a laugh or two. Just because this one was amusing (while still managing to be twisted), I think it means Rob is really going to nail us with a good one next week. Just watch.
The Great A'Tuin said:
1000 Keys of Pain.
chudleycannonfodder said:
It's okay, my locks are sluts, not virgins. But that's what I get for constantly going in and out of doorways.
Also, that part reminded me of the family from the roll over minutes commercial. Just wanted to remind you all of that FFF in case if you forgot it.
Sythlia said:
Hilarious, if not a bit pedestrian compared to recent FFF efforts.
Well, namely the Malfoy fic. *shivers*
Christine said:
This is...parody, right? The way it is written sounds like it was meant to be a joke.
Right?
Right???
Korbl said:
first of all, Naruto's ass is anything but virginal after taking the 1000 Years of Pain attack...
second... god damnit, this was the first time I've read a whole FFF, because it was hilarious.
FireThunder said:
Sadly, you pretty much ninja'd my comment, which was "at least it's better than an actual episode of Naruto".
Hilarious stuff.
doc_ock_4mugen said:
It lacked Donald and Goofy... Other than that I haven't laughed so hard in a while...
Hopefully on the sequel Naruto will go kyuubi on Sora's "keyhole"... BELIEVE IT!!
Jenn the Hen said:
I am now a bit disgusted by keys.
demoncat said:
this is the first ff friday where one of the characters agrees to be sodimized and annualy raped and the first by a key. almost makes me dare want the sequal where naruto gets some over due payback on sora almost but not that low to want the thing truely
Alex said:
This made me giggle like an idiot, which scares me more than anything.
Sarah said:
Naruto pees on his friends?
I'm sorry, I don't watch the show but...What the hell?
Jin said:
Wait wait wait... Goku and Anne Frank?
Invader Toph said:
I think I may be numb to these things because I definitely just laughed my ass off. It was hilarious!
But sticking the keyblade in then twisting it! I hate Naruto but I actually felt sorry for the guy.
AEFeral said:
After reading snippits of this to my friend, this happened:
"Fuck, I can't find my fucking keys"
"Key-fucked?"
*laugh/retch*
Derek said:
wow... i am surprised that i found this entry of FFF boring. im completely desensitized, i suppose = (
soj said:
"It might feel weird or uncomfortable going up you"
No, really?
Tonik said:
I truly have become numb to FFF. I read this with no horror (or arousal, thank god), only a mild interest in seeing just how fucking bad it could get. Which is more worrying than the story itself, really...
lemur replied to Tonik:
Want to really hate yourself? Go back and read old FFFs that you thought were just awful when you first read them. And then hate yourself for going,"Oh. Those weren't so bad. Why was I so disgusted by this?"
Karma said:
Is this really surprising?
Anything remotely related to Naruto is instant fail.
But however eye-bleedingly horrible this fanfic may be, or in fact is... it's still better than either the manga or the anime of that trash, itself.
Solid_Edge replied to Karma:
You are an ignorant fucking arsehole.
Silly Goose replied to Solid_Edge:
at least it's not like the ino/jiraiya ff i saw a few weeks ago... i should send it in for fff
LaiBlade replied to Solid_Edge:
And you are an ignorant fuck.
It's a match made in heaven.
teenie said:
To tell you the truth I actually enjoy both naruto and kingdom hearts and I found this fic quite hilarious and probably the best crossover I've read so far...which is saying something because I hate crossovers
Farglesnarf said:
I don't know whether to laugh or run outside and scream "Oh god no!" into the air.
cocacolaoso said:
This was hilarious! I think the writer actually capture some of the Naruto personality treads with the "dialogue". I can actually imagine Junko Takeuchi, Maile Flanagan or even Isabel Martinon, each of one of them in their language, saying with that typical Naruto voice "That doesn't mean I'm letting you shove a giant key up my ass, DATEBAYO!"
FuryOfFirestorm said:
To paraphrase Madonna-
"Open your ass to me, baby
Your butt's got the lock
and I'm holding the key"
Snoob said:
Dont worry jim the goku/anne frank one is asexual but simply funny as hell
Pandora's Homeobox said:
FFF has officially broken my brain. A friend and I were watching a movie last night and making dirty jokes. At one point, the protagonists wind up in jail so of course we were making jail sex jokes. Then one of them pulls the key to their cell out of his hair. . . I don't know whether it's sad or glorious that neither of us had to say a thing.
Ellery said:
This felt much tamer...
NicoNicoDouchebag said:
This was totally written for the sole purpose of trolling both fandoms. It's FANTASTIC.
Baltimoron said:
This is shockingly well written for a FFF entry.
I mean, come on, the author didn't even confuse "prostrate" for "prostate."
Catherine said:
I didn't really mind that, I kind of enjoyed it really. I have been drinking, but it was only a hot toddy so, I don't know....
Barry said:
I laughed so hard that I think I'm seeing spots now too.
NeoXorn said:
"My tight, defenseless, virgin ass!"
Hahahahaha...
Gorodetsky said:
"Sora, I'm a man. A man like any other with dreams and emotions. And that's why I'll never put a foreign object up my ass."
Kal-El Summers said:
I think the bit where Sora removed the Keyblade from Naruto's ass completely broke my brain with it being "satiated"... And then "Simple and Clean" popped up on my playlist and I started crying. Damn you, Rob.
Buh? said:
My head just did that confused-tilt thing dogs do when their people do something weird. Also: You know what's tragic? This is actually far less embarrassing than the actual Naruto episode when he peed on all his friends for 10 straight minutes. I'm not joking.
Bzuh? This is almost as bad as the fic!
Ward said:
I'm kinda new here. This would be my second FFF reading. And while wishing I had never been born, I read something that blew any thoughts about humanity one day redeeming itself. Goku...and Ann Frank?! Rob, sir, I call shenanigans. That can't be real. My sense of what's right and wrong with this world simply won't let it.
Anonymous said:
My stomach hurts from laughing so much. There a re nicer but yet not so nice ones on fanfiction.net. A couple I know are by Arxaith and SpoonyChan. Oh God, that was funny.
Dian Adhanto said:
And the thing is, Sora didn't even NEED to insert the key. Just the light from the keyblade is enough to lock the keyhole, I think.
keybearer said:
ok i have a keyblade and even i wouldnt do that!
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS???
