• I'd buy Jake Scully some condoms, you know he's gonna get some hot cgi Na'vi tail (pun intended), and as you heard in one of the trailers "Out there everything will try to kill you." I imagine they have some pretty gnarly alien clap or herp spreading around.

• I'd rather give him a wood chipper. BUENO

• Heh, I like that one. Because there's not enough (justifiable) paranoia in Dollhouse already. Actually, just get him the one with the two Tophers and we'll see how many of him we end up with. :D

• I'd give the imperial stormtroopers on tatooine a signed picture of anthony daniels and kenny baker, maybe even in robot costume with the message "HA HA... These were the droids you were looking for.... Technically" Ooh and I'd buy tidus a new pair of trouser/shorts so that both legs were the same length!

• I would give said lozenge to Goku. All that damn powerup yelling...

• Right on.

• We can Dig it.

• I'd purchase Chewbacca a copy of The Complete Works of William Butler Yeats and a bottle of Kahlua.

• If you want to see Kirk with a lightsaber, I recommend the wonderful/terrible book "Shatnerquake"

• Seconded

• PS, I'm assuming 12:01 in the deadline refers to 12:01 pm : )

• I'd give Captain Kirk a toy lightsaber so he would know what he's missing. And let's be honest, who doesn't want to smack Spock around a little bit every now and then?

• I'd buy Samara from The Ring a VHS-to-DVD converter, lest her poor choice of medium see her horrifying curse become obsolete. In fact, I'd get her one with an SD slot (see my URL) so she could more easily upload her video to YouTube. That'd keep her busy.

• This is your winner, right here!

• Jeebus...Mr. Belding doesn't look so good.... Someone please order a phone call so Mr. Belding doesn't die!! Although, judging by his 2nd chin, it won't be from starvation.

• I'm giving Shaft a lump of coal for Christmas Cause he's one baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad motherfucker.

• Ooo, really sorry about the double post. Also, I want to change my entry. I would get: Some fucking Ludins Wild Cherry cough drops to the Hunter, some Niquorette gun and patches to the Smoker, a subscription to Jenny Craig for the Boomer, Ritalin for the Witch, and some Extendze for the Tank. You know he really needs that. Oh, and a mega pack of Tums for the Spitter.

• I'd get... hmm. So many good entries. I wanted to get Wilford Brimly something, but... ok. I would get G-Man (from Half-Life series) a speech trainer, more Hair Polish, and some crap to put in his briefcase. He looks stupid walking around with an empty briefcase.

• I'd get... hmm. So many good entries. I wanted to get Wilford Brimly something, but... ok. I would get G-Man (from Half-Life series) a speech trainer, more Hair Polish, and some crap to put in his briefcase. He looks stupid walking around with an empty briefcase.

• Crap, I forgot to enter before deadline, but here's my entry for the fun of it. I'm giving Mario a new hat, because he seems to have lost his ever since I got 99 lives in NSMB Wii, and it shows little sign of ever coming back as long as he lives.

• Last minute thoughts: Plans for nuclear bombs to the Nazis in World War II games, so that they can defeat everyone and end their horribly overused setting. Torturers for any characters who have participated in button mashing sequences, regardless of the quality of the other aspects of their games.

• Exactly! They might not all be turned into crack shots, but ANY lessons have GOT to improve their aim!

• Fictional characters, huh? How about Fox's sense of reason I'll send the DVD's of all the great show's they've cancelled over the years that achieved critical success and loyal fanbases. I'll send with them a note asking them if the inevitable recycled sitcom or reality show replacement was really worth freeing up the time space. And I'd like to have a broader chat with all television and movie producers to ask if profit boost from these dirt cheap and dirt quality, lowest common demoninator drek pieces their shoving down our throat are worth the whoring out of creative integrity and artistic vision which come with the unfortunate addition of innovation, and how this is bleeding over into other social realms, creating a generation of vapid consumers raised on ideological junk food. Yeah, its gonna be a chatty Christmas

• I would give Chuck Norris a time machine so he could go back in time and save Jonathan Brandis so we could have another seaquest!

• For Peter Parker, it would have to be a couple therapy sessions and some good anti-depressants. Maybe, just maybe, then he will learn to deal with his Aunt May "mommy" issues, and realize death is as much a part of life as swinging from buildings. Maybe then he can resolve the issue of giving up a supermodel wife for a crusty old lady who has had more death scares than the women in all daytime soap operas combined.

• I'm sure some of the other Muppet characters would help Kermit take her down. Uber annoying character removed, plus bacon sandwiches for everyone!

• I would give Team Rocket Pikacu so they will shut the hell up

• "That's what she replied"? Sir, madam, or other, I bow to your terrific genius.

• Ah, sexual assault! The smell of Christmas hangs sweetly in the air!

• NO! Dr. Manhattan can't have pants! I like him pantless.

• I would buy Batman a Russian mail order bride so no one would tease him about his "relationship" with Robin.

• Not unless he cuts them up first.

• I'd try to get Borat a press pass (even though $200 can hardly be considered bribe money), because if anyone can cause an epic scene following a secret service defying white house gate crash, its that crazy sumumabitch.

• I don't think Rob is fictional.

• Now this is a good one. Rob, if this doesn't get, at least, an honorable mention, you may as well shut down the site.

• I'm Cobra Commander's Secret Santa... I'd give him GI Joe the complete series. Now he can have a well documented list of failed World Domination Schemes... Maybe he'll finally notice that his over the top schemes are god damn awful... Since the set has the PSAs I'll add a note for the Commander to pay special attention to those... Because the one true weakness of GI Joe is... children. HAIL COBRA!!!

• Awesome! Now he won't have to memorize novels word-for-word. I approve heartily of this gift!

• I would give Bruce Wayne the complete Quantum Leap series on DVD, since he could use it to prepare for his upcoming time travel adventures. You know, learn from the master, Scott Bakula. That way whether he's cavebat-man or batbeard the pirate, he'll know that he's not alone in hoping that the next leap will be the leap home. Oh and maybe while he's a caveman(bat?) he can kill of those annoying Geico cavemen so I will never have to see those stupid commercials again.

• Awwww! The image of a heavily armored simpleton and a fuzzy bear would make a great Christmas card,no? I bet Caboose would feed it every day and take it for walks.

• Now I want to see John Carpenter's Battlestar Galactica! Carpenter could teach that show a "Thing" or two about suspense!

• I would buy chewbacca a medal for bravery, seeing as he was screwed out of getting one before.

• I'd buy Dance Dance Revolution and invite DC's Flash and Marvel's Quicksilver over so I can watch the world burst into flames

• Yes! I second this one!

• I would give Edward Cullen a big empty box. Why a box? So I can put him in that box and close the top so I don't have to look at him anymore. And maybe I'll mail him to Romania so he can meet a real vampire.

• Thyroid medication for Little Orphan Annie to deal with that eye problem.

• I'm gonna buy a Wii (now only 199.99, just in time for the holidays!!!!!!!!!!) and give it to Darth Vader, because if anyone's gonna enjoy slashing and twirling and flicking a little stick around for every fucking game, it's gonna be that wheezy bastard.

• you would have to include some extra money for kermit ambulence ride after taking care of miss piggy that way

• I would give Wheeler from Captain Planet a rufey so he can score with Linka

• I'd give Willy Wonka and the Oompa Loompa posse a bushel of organic produce along with a dietary guidebook to hopefully offset the oncoming epidemic of diabetes. It's hard to put on one of their little self-righteous showstoppers when they've had a foot amputated. And while I'm on the subject, I'll get Godzilla that "How to Serve Man" book from the Twilight Zone, becaue barbeque all day everyday must be hell on the arteries.

• I'd give all the werewolves in Twilight extra stretch pants so their clothes don't explode off their bodies after each transformation. Is there such a thing as non exploding pants?

• I would give Marty McFly a gun so he could just shoot Biff. Think about it. No way would he be able to get caught! He's from the FUTURE!!!

• I've already given my gift but I hope someone gives Pac-Man a friend cause in my heart I believe "waka waka waka" is just a cry for help and a sound of loneliness. Friends don't cost a thing... Except if you have to bribe them.

• I would give Pedobear a press pass to this: http://www.universalroyalty.com/nationals.htm

• E.T is about the scariest thing ever. I had nightmares for a year afterwards. Still can't watch it!

• I'd give Hanna-Barbera's Muttley the one thing he always wanted from that bastard Dick Dastardly: a medal. Muttley would save Dastardly all the time whenever one of his damn "flying machines" went wrong. All he asked for in return was a medal. He's a sentient dog who can fly simply by wagging his tail like a helicopter blade! Won't someone give that poor mutt a medal already?! I'm sure I could find a nice one on eBay for under $200.

• I'd like to buy Damian Wayne a Coke and a smile... But assuming the Coke costs a buck or so, what would make Robin the Grouch smile for $199 or less? I mean, really, what do you buy a 10-year-old sociopath who has everything?

• This one's easy. I'd give a Dollhouse complete-series DVD-box set to Topher Brink. MIND = BLOWN

• I would buy Smeagol a non-evil ring and switch it for the One Ring before he becomes all nasty and cursed. So I'm not really giving him a ring, I'm giving him his life back. Plus now IT'S MINE, THE RING IS MINE MWAHAHAHAHA.

• I second this entry, except it should be a flamethrower, not a gun. So much more satisfying to watch them BURN.

• I would buy Saxton Hale some Hulk Hands so that when he beats up hippies and bears with his bare hands it would make hilarious noises. And then the chance for Hulk Hands to be an unlockable item for the heavy weapons guy would be irresistable.

• I'd buy Movie Aunt May that toaster she wanted so badly when she opened her new Super Saver account with that asshole bank manager. Then maybe Uncle Ben's visage will miraculously appear to her in her toast.

• Winner.

• I'd give Jareth from Labyrinth the address to my house, along with a note mentioning that I am a whiny teenage girl who sees life as unfair, especially when she has to babysit her younger sibling.

• I'd buy Travis Touchdown a copy of <i>No More Heroes</i> so he could easily play with himself. Seems fitting given the game's sense of humor.

• Hmm... I would give Mad Max.... A hess truck. then id sing "the hess trucks back and its better then ever!" and then I would laugh.

• I'd give the stormtrooper the droids he was looking for!

• On second thoughts, this one gets my vote. I feel it completely captures the spirit of this website.

• I vote for this.... hehehe

• Dude.... you too? ET scares you too? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!

• That's easy. I'd give a pair of balls to Edward Cullen. And some fangs. And you know, body hair. And a Y chromosome. Is he a man yet?!?

• That's easy. I'd give a pair of balls to Edward Cullen. And some fangs. And you know, body hair. And a Y chromosome. Is he a man yet?!?

• I'd give Brainiac a decent pair of pants. I'll throw in a pair for Solomon Grundy too, since we all know he'll want them too.

• to the punisher in cash so he can get a safe safe house when needed

• Well, he said they would be <i>free</i> target shooting lessons.

• This dog, might I add, was given to me by a friend whose dog had puppies.

• There's not enough money in the Republic to pay for that.

• I would get King Kong a Manequin, dressed up as one of those starlets he's always after. I think all he ever really wanted was a barbie doll, the manequin should fit the bill.

• I would get free target shooting lessons for ALL Imperial Stormtroopers.

• I'll get right on that.

• I'd buy Fry's dog Seymour a spot in the cryogenics chamber next to him. Yeah, it's not the funniest entry in this list, but damn if it wouldn't be the best gift for Futurama nerds the world over as well. It'd certainly make that episode a shitload less depressing to watch as well.

• I know I'm only allowed to give to one person...but I'd give dog biscuits and gift certificate for dog grooming to Shipwreck to give to Mutt and Junkyard for stupidly forgetting them in my previous post. Flint has Lady Jaye so he's already all set.

• If I could give one gift to a fictional character id pick giving Van Helsing Edward Cullens adresses. If the almighty being known as Santa is out there I beseach you to make it happen. And put it on dvd and blue ray to watch the Cristmas magic over and over again.

• I am going to buy Guy Montag a Kindle, and use the rest of the money for a subscription for e-books.

• I would give Ford Prefect a very soft, absorbent new towel. Because you should always carry a towel.

• If I were to give a fictional character a gift, I would give something to the Trix rabbit. I assume you must think I would give him 200$ worth of trix cereal and yogurt, but no, I would give him a gun. so this way, whenever he went up to those little elitist children, ask them for trix, and as they laugh spewing "silly rabbit trix are for kids!" and as they laugh in his face about his apparent ill fortune, he pulls out the gun and whispers "not any more" as he looks at the horrified looks on their faces as he squeezes the trigger, writhing in the extacy of the trix and the knowledge of the fear and irony they experienced in their last moments of life. That or I would get Liono a tiny kitty sweater :3

• I would giver Power Girl a bra. That poor girl's back must be killing her by now.

• Egyptian Cotton Terry Bathrobe: Forty Dollars Bottle of Walnut Crest Merlot: Sixty Dollars DVD Copies of The Day After Tomorrow, The Happening, and 2012: Fifty Five Dollars One Liter Bottle of Baby Oil: Twenty Dollars Box of Kleenex's: Five Dollars Watching a relaxed Captain Planet take his testicular pollution down to zero with a good old fashion grudge jerk: Priceless There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.

• I would give Krazy Kat two books: "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Why Men Love Bitches"

• For Arlong (One Piece): $200 worth of cheap old Soviet medals. He does the dictator life, but all good dictator stereotypes need a chest full of self-awarded medals

• OLPC: One Laptop per Cthulu. :)

• I would give C-3PO som brass polish so he could "polish his goldenrod".....

• Should probably get it for the A-Team as well!

• Drug Rehab for Paul Atreides. We all know why.

• I'd give the Sunbow GI Joes Call of Duty Modern Warfare 1 & 2 because they need to step their game up and start hitting their targets. Seriously, for special forces, you guys can't get one kill?

• WTF? Why did this get posted here instead of at the bottom? Argh.

• I am going to give a home pregnancy kit to Neytiri from Avatar. ===================== And as a second gift, I am going to give a copy of Quicken Financial Software to James Cameron. I know that he is not a fictional character but it might help him come in under budget on the next film that he does!

• I'd give Rob a bottle of scotch. Laced with Roofies. And a card that says, "Do not open until Friday morning." It's a self-serving gift, you say? I call it enlightened altruism.

• I laughed, anyway.

• I'd buy pre-Cylon War Brother Cavil/Number One a big, plush Eeyore, one of those squeezable stress-balls, and then I'd spend the rest on liquor. This way, every time he gets all Oedipal and pissy, he can try to relax, and consider that maybe genocide isn't the best idea after all.

• Heads up! Going into obscure territory! I'd give Jack (from Puzzle Bobble 3/Bust-a-Move 3DX/Bust-A-Move '99) the home game version of Card Sharks. Jack loves card games (it's even featured in his intro), and who doesn't love a good home game based on a lesser-known '70s/'80s game show? The questions involved guessing, so I'm guessing this gift would also be appreciated by Twinkle (from the same video game mentioned above). (Hope that doesn't DQ me.) (Yes, I could've said Gambit, but I wanted to go with someone obscure so I don't accidentally plagiarize anyone else's entry.)

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