So... many... possibilities.

To Naruto: Ritalin

I'd buy Cloud Strife a "Weird Al" Yankovic CD cause, ya know what, the fucker could use a laugh.

I'd get R2-D2 a single jetpack lesson, sometime right before he boards the Tantive IV so he would be reminded that he had those thrusters in the prequels.

Because a droid is likely to forget that shit.

I'd give a one-year subscription to Out magazine to Edward Cullen.

And Batman some green tea with honey and Halls, to soothe that achy, flu season rasp.

I would buy Batman a throat lozenge.

Teeks: You are a noble giver.

As for myself. I have to think the greatest gift I ever got was Castle Grayskull, with it's cool trap door and gun turret.

If there's anyone who wanted Castle Grayskull more than me, it would be Skeletor.

So even though I still treasure my old Castle Grayskull to this day, I'd wrap it up and give it to old Bone Face.

Oh sure, maybe it's not the real castle. But at least he could pretend; keep it next to his bone throne. And whenever Beast-Man got him angry, he could just open it up and escape into fun.

Teeks: You're a noble giver.

As for myself. The best present I ever got was Castle Grayskull. So cool, with it's trapdoor and gun turret.

If there's anyone who wanted Castle Grayskull more than me, it would have to be Skeletor. So even though I still cherish my old Castle, I'd wrap it up and give it to old Bone Face.

Oh sure, it's not the real castle. But maybe it could cheer him up when he's feeling down. Keep it next to his bone throne. That way, whenever Beast-Man makes him angry, he can open it up and escape into fun.

Get Gargamel a festive Smurf meat and cheese platter. The cheese is made from Smurfette milk.

I'd give Ecco the dolphin a can of tuna.

I would give Luigi a hand-knitted cape. That way he can play superhero while his brother is out kicking ass and getting with all the hot princesses.

I'd lay the $200 Canadian(=2,000,000 credits) down as a bet on Anakin the Mos Espa pod race. Anakin must have some long odds on him, so I'll win big and buy his mom.

Merry Christmas Anakin, it's your mom.

To Wile E. Coyote, I would give The Road Runner, on a silver platter, cooked with all the trimmings...

Who am I kidding, even that easy he'd screw it up...wasted gift.

Thats simple.

I would give Anakin Skywalker the DVD set of Star Wars movies. So he would know how not to screw everything up

Would giving Anakin the Star Wars movies be like in Spaceballs where they watched the movie they were in? Then Anakin cuold see in real time what a pouty damn baby he was.

Hmm, I'd give Vash the Stampede a paintball gun.

I would also buy my buddy whatsmyhouse Seasons 2-6 of Firefly.

You heard me.

And a She-Hulk blow-up doll, for Hank Pym. That way he'll finally feel like a real man.

I'd buy Cheetara antibiotics to cure that balloon-induced STD.

I'd give Yoda a porno mag so this http://www.toplessrobot.com/2009/10/fan_fiction_friday_yoda_in_yoda_and_tequila.php won't happen again.

I'd buy Green Lantern Kyle Rayner a mini-fridge. He'll appreciate it; there's no way any of his future girlfriends can be shoved into a fridge that small.

and I would buy Link a big boy (adult)wallet, because growing up (even against your will) means more cash. Especially after his Bar Mitzvah.

I would give Princess Peach/Toadstool Bear Repellent Pepper Spray. Save a lot of trouble if she kept it on her.

I'd buy David a Gardevoir Realdoll.

You know why.

Very simple. I would give the same gift to all the female warriors in nerd-dom: Tampons.

Can you imagine how irritating it must be to be a scantily clad warrior when you're on the rag?

To Pinnochio: I would give a copy of the non-hit movie AI: Artificial Intelligence. Hey, guess what, buddy? This mindfuck is based on you! And this kid never gets to be a real boy! It would make him realize how lucky he was to actually find the blue fairy.

I would give *any* World of Warcraft Ogre a hearing aid. I mean, seriously... I'm killing one of your buddies, only 20 yards from you, and you don't notice?

I'd get Gema from Di Gi Charat some football padding. Particularly in Di Gi Charat Nyo. Because lord knows he could use it from all the abuse he takes. Oh, and a mirror.

I'd give Marty McFly some industrial-strength mousse, in the hopes that it would mean he could spend less time running his hand through his hair, front to back.

The Onion AV Club recently addressed a service where several B-through-G-list celebrities will call you at home and talk to you. It's at Hollywoodiscalling.com. One of the services they offer is for a "celebrity" to call you at a time and date of their choosing within a 7-day window. Customizing your message costs extra but the base cost for a short 30 second-ish phone call seems to be $19.95. Celebrities signed up with the website include Eddie Munster, the Soup Nazi, and Mr. Belding.

What I'm saying is, I would buy Ray Smuckles of Achewood $100 worth of omachi sake and five telephone calls from Tom Noonan, who played Frankenstein's monster in the 1987 pre-pubescent wish-fulfillment vehicle The Monster Squad. As Ray stumbled drunkenly through his already plentiful parade of possessions he would receive evenly spaced calls throughout his day informing him whether things were "BOGUS" or not, or talking about how Dracula is a mellower guy when the cameras are off. By 8:30 PM they would be waxing philosophically about the first time they saw naked breasts and the certainty of a lonely death.

With the extra 25 cents I would buy him a copy of Brigade #1 from my local comic shop. He can use it for rolling papers and see if he gains awesome weed superpowers.

It's Ray Smuckles. I am covering some god damned bases.

Easy -- I'd get Doc Savage a new shirt.

my choice is easy i would give the hulk cash to buy some shirts that when he changes back to Bruce he can be fully clothed. and hopefully not get smashed by him.

I'd get Thomas and Martha Wayne a bottle of Pepper Spray and a taser.

i should add that i would give about 100 bucks to the hulk so he could go to Walmart and get the shirts he needed since he would be on the run.

I would buy Wesley Crusher all of Wil Wheaton's books in the hope he could try to be like the man who played him..plus then maybe people wouldn't hate Wesley so damn much.

I would give the girls of Queens Blade clothes that don't get ripped by just walking down a street.

To Deadpool:

20 Silly Putty Eggs at $3.49 each (from Amazon)

20 Original Slinky Walking Spring Toys at $3.49 each (from Walgreen's)

Present to be Received on One Condition: For one day, Deadpool must use these items instead of his weapons to do his mercenary work.

Let the shenanigans commence!

I would give Clark Kent in season one of Smallville a copy of Superman: The Movie. You know, to speed up the process a little.

I would get goku a bottle of laxative. So he wouldn't always be grunting because he's so blocked up.

I'd buy Booster Gold a mag light and a plastic security badge just to fuck with him.

I would buy Chewbacca a Snuggie, so he has something nice to wear next Life Day.

So, let me see if I'm understanding this correctly...is this like:

I'd buy comedian Jeff Dunham a boxed set of the Muppet Show so he can see what REAL funny puppets are like?

Or do I need to turn up the nerd factor a little higher?

Shinji Ikari. Three sessions with a good psychologist. Losses: $180. Gains: 99.9999% of the human race.

Batman, the X-Men, Superman, Dick Tracy, Spider-Man, the cast of Doonesbury, the characters of Saturday Night Live and pretty much everyone else in Marvel and D.C: Compilations of the early decades of their work, to remind them of how to be entertaining.

Everyone on Heroes: Something that causes a slow, painful death.

Jack Bauer: The biggest possible gun and most horrible torture implement, to ensure a fun season.

Gears of Wars's characters: A psychiatrist who specializes in sociopaths.

Zelda's N.P.C.s: A book about expressing oneself succinctly and solving problems. I want to explore dungeons and fight monsters, not bullshit about sidequests! I love all of the 3D games, except Wind Waker, but these almost spoil them.

Toads from Mario: Bombs, filled with White Phosphorous, for the same reasons.

I know its suppose to be a fictional character but i was wondering if $200 could buy an ounce of Integrity for a certain disgraced ..... oh never mind

How about Buying Colossus a Stainless Steel Polishing Kit.
You know with Kitty gone..... http://www.hobbytool.com/stainlesssteelmetalpolishingkit.aspx
And only $30 too.
ohhh look at those attachments
next weeks FFF will be Colossus and the dremel.

I would give Tetsuo Shima a tube of Polysporin. Road rash? Polysporin. Missing Arm? Polysporin. Morphing into a giant girlfriend-crushing blob of flesh.....That might take two tubes.

To Yui Hirasawa,Ritsu Tainaka,Mio Akiyama,Tsumugi Kotobuki and Azusa Nakano: The Beatles:Rock Band.

I would get Shinji Ikari an iPod. In a universe where they have the technology to animate organic robot slaves and create albino girls out of whole cloth, it seems only fair Shinji be allowed to trade up from that walkman. If he's worried about his indie cred, I'd suggest this: http://internetsiao.com/ipod-disguised-as-a-walkman/

Of course, I'd get him an Evangelion vinyl skin for it. He will probably be bummed to find they don't have any with his face on it - but there are plenty with a chick that looks like his mum in various suggestive poses! Merry Christmas!

A really, really small g-string bikini to Rangiku Matsumoto.

i'd get Rob a beer

Hmm... what better way to shamelessly plug my jewelry business?
Unfortunately, I can't think of anyone that is getting married or anything that would need a wedding set that I made, so scratch that.
So, instead I would give... hmm..nothing sexual, eh? That blows. Ooops! Sorry.
Um. I'd give Felicia Day in the Guild a backbone? Or laid. Definitely laid. That's much cheaper, and I don't have to do anything sexual to her.

This might be stretching the rules a little bit, but I'd buy Alan Moore the three wolf moon t-shirt, just because I think he'd look extrodinary in it.

Wow. Children blowing Pedobear. That is the most internet picture ever (yes, internet is also an adjective)

The character I'd give a gift to is Shipwreck from GI Joe. He's a mercenary sailor who could probably buy whatever he wants with what the US government pays him. So I'd give him something truly from the heart. I'd give him a model sand boat, one that looks just like his old sand boat from the Revenge of Cobra mini series, because it got destroyed while saving Flint and ...someone else from Cobra. I'd totally put my heart and soul into this too.

I would give Han Solo a Topless Robot t shirt. If I had one that is...

I'd give Bella from Twilight the Twilight Vamp Dildo. Why? Just 'cause.

Hmm.. I have so many nice gifts I could give, but I think I'll go with giving a gift to the main star of the Star Wars movies, mr. Vader.

At the beginning of the original trilogy, and throughout most of it, Vader does have almost anything a man needs : power, a big spaceship, a lightsaber and of course mastery of the force. The one thing lacking is a family.

However, combining a family with being the galaxys first and foremost enforcer and the Emperor's right hand man isn't very easy. So to make things easier for everyone, I will buy him a copy of the latest edition of the Sims and throw in a couple of add-ons as well.

Get Iron Man a bottle of vodka.

Its always hard to shop for people but it always works if you can get someone something that makes their life substantially better. I would get a goomba a spiky german helmet and a mirror shield.
Goomba would be so happy. He would not have to worry about the mario jumping on him or shooting fireballs.
Goomba, "Mwahahahahaha, oh mario did you hurt your foot... Oh did you light yourself on fire..." bwah bah bah bah bah babababoo. that last bit is the sound mario makes when he dies. It is the sweetest sound to a goomba's ears. That is what my present would buy the goomba, sweet sweet music.

I would give Deadpool a year's prescription of GEODON, described as being good for Schizophrenia. Why, the very tag-line reads as follows: "Hearing voices? Feeling paranoid? Schizophrenia can make daily life difficult, that's why it's important to find the right solution...." When you have yellow text boxes berating you,white text boxes giving you horrible advice and the need to openly argue with both, you MAY need something to take off the edge.:)

I would give Chewbacca a gift certificate to go get himself groomed. Even though Star Wars is set in some technologically advanced future society, Chewbacca looks disgusting. And he probably stinks really bad. He's really natty and probably has lice. Plus all that hair...he most likely has feces clung to him somewhere. Plus he's the co-pilot on a smuggler ship, that's got to be a stressful job, and it's got to make a guy sweat. So really, it would be a gift for Han Solo, or anyone who has to be within ten yards of Chewbacca. Plus who knows, maybe he'd get some nice bows to spruce up his bandoleer.

I would garland from final fantasy refrigerator magnets

Astro Boy? I'd get that kid some pants and a shirt. I'm tired of him getting me all horny with his half-naked robot ways.

I would get Brock one of those lifesize Anime girl pervy pillows... We all know he needs one desperately.
http://heiseidemocracy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/chizuru_pillow.jpg

I have so many ideas, but I think the most useful thing I could buy is a metal detector for Commander William Adama. Sure it MIGHT be less entertaining, but at the same time it'd be like that scene in The Thing where everyone's tied up while he figures out who's human and who's a Cylon.

I'd like to give a sleestak a Bowmaster crossbow (around $160)... cause come on man, those nerf wrist rockets couldn't take out a pakuni for piss sakes! Y'all have to deal with dark cavern monsters, mildly abusive neigbors such as "Grumpy" and "Alice", the Zorn, MEDUSA for fucks sake!, a crazy miner from the 1870's, and last but not least 3 (well 4 if you count season 3) of the best dressed adventurers whom are always invading your crawl space! One well placed bolt and any of these problems will be magicaly. Merry Christmas my tall scalely friends!

First thing that came to mind was $200 worth of certificates for psychiatry from Lucy to give to Charlie Brown (at 5 cents a pop that comes to 4,000 sessions), but I then I figured, why fight the tide.
So I'm gonna get him one night in a $15 motel room along the highway with 18 $10 hookers and a $5 meter stick. I figure, Charlie Brown's life is the blueprint to every serial killer/supervillian ever known, so I wanna take the garden-variety killer-to-be and crank him up to eleven. $10 hookers are the lowest of the low. They're hideous, desperate, submissive, lifeless, indescriminate, often riddled with drug problem and diseases, lack-self respect, and are incapable of feeling or even faking pleasure. Having his first and probably only sexual encounter involving a harem of brought-and-paid-for zombies with the shakes listlessly and joylessly stroking him and writhing about him at such a young age would be enough to push good ol' Charlie over the edge completely. That and all those STD's he'll carry with him forever (notice I didn't include condoms in the package). The meter stick, having been suspended over the bed, will become an object of obsession for him and ultimately the cornerstone of his derangement. Soon he will become Metric Man, an unspeakably horrific sociopathic maniac sworn to convert America to the metric system once and for all, one body at a time, with only the goddamn Batamn in his way. And just in time for Christmas so that they'll never again play that damn holiday special again.
Barring that, I'll just give the girl from Twilight a DVD boxset of To Catch a Predator and a clue.

I think I'd give Link from the Legend of Zelda games one of those computers that Stephen Hawking uses to talk for him. Obviously, he's got some sort of speech problem, and that would at least let him express himself some way other than "Hyaa! Hsss...Hya!'

I'd get Dr. Girlfriend some Lozenges and I don't mean like 1 bag, I mean like a shit load cause damn I hear that voice and it just freaks me out every time.

i have to decide to give deadpool the one gift he will truly cherish, the complete golden girls box set, thats right with his truly, BEA ARTHUR and the ravishing BETTY WHITE, the good ol' merc with the mouth will be tied up for hours on end, and to top it off i'd throw in there a BEA ARTHUR blow up doll for him to snuggle with at night when the ladies turn down this potsmeared man of the cloth

I'd give bowser a fleshlight.

I would buy a bible for Pikachu, because he needs get right with the Lord

(sure as shit needs to get right with me. all the years of abuse suffered for its sake I can't so much as spit one measely fireball, let alone any of that other cool shit it can apparently make people do)

I'd get John McClane an extra five minutes to put his shoes back on.

Bleeding feet, fuck that shit.

Am I cheating by using a christmas movie?

(HAAAAAAAAAANNNSSS!!!)

I go buy a really nice binder, a three-ring hole punch, a red ink pen, some printer paper and print out the Evil Overlord List for Palpatine with certain entries underlined for his convenience. I guess I buy him some Amazon giftcards with the rest of the money.

I'd buy John Nada, from They Live, a big box of bazooka bubblegum. So he can kick ass and chew gum.

I'd like to give Mr Pointy to Buffy!

I'd buy Walter Kovacs a baby German Shepard.

I have the idea of giving Caboose an oversized teddybear stuck in my head. It can be his new best friend....

I'd buy Two-Face a bag of chocolate coins, so that every time he had to make a tough decision, he could just eat some chocolate instead of flipping a coin. Then he and Batman would skip away into the sunset as best friends, because chocolate makes everyone happy, and fat Two-Face would be hilarious. In fact, all the Batman villains could use a gift:

Calender Man would get a Cadbury's advent calender, with chocolate for each day of December (FAT CALENDER MAN LOLZ)

Killer Croc would get some skin lotion

Bane would get some aroma therapy bath soaps, candles and a Dido CD so he could finally relax a little

Harley Quinn would get a DVD of He's Just Not That Into You

Joker would get a photo album containing pictures of every person who has dressed up as Heath Ledger's Joker since TDK first came out, so he could have endless fun looking at himself all day, criticising the costumes, then tracking down and killing those nerds in a variety of humourous and gruesome ways

And Penguin would get a lifetime Club Penguin membership

I'd give MacGyver a box of paperclips. It'd be the gift that keeps on giving.

My gift is for the most dysfunctional couple in the Marvel Universe. Gambit and Rogue. My gift to them? The gift of luvvv! It comes in the form 1 crotchless body stocking and a condom... Ribbed for her pleasure.

For Johnny and Scott from Sigmund the Sea Monster I would get...

20 lbs of sushi rice - $42.00

10 boxes of seaweed - $60.00>BR>
2 cases of Panda Soy Sauce packets - $14.00

4 pair stainless steel chopsticks - $6.00

600-Inch Continuous Rice Paper Roll - $10.00

Total - $132.00 for an all-you-can-eat sushi lunch that will go on for days!

That is one hell of a Xmas gift, if you ask me.

(If you have never seen Sigmund the Sea Monster, please do a 'net search for it. This piece of tripe haunted me during my childhood. And, yes, this counts as science fiction since it's about a goddamn talking sea monster.)

I'd Give A Laptop to Cthulhu.

Then he could be as horrified as we are of him.

I would make Jacob (from Twilight) a tin foil hat a la Fry (Futurama) to block out the thoughts of that evil succubus baby that made him fall in love with her. Not that I give a shit about Twilight really, but come on. Dude needs to practicing making cubs with some sexy she-wolves instead of mind chatting with a baby and waiting for her to get out diapers so he can hit it. Fuck that!

Merry Christmas Jacob. Now you can get out there and mount some fine werewolf bitches without hearing some nagging toddler in your brain telling you to come home and refill her sippy cup.

I'm gonna split the money. First I'll cover the cost of garage storage space for Link because every game has him scavenger hunting for the same legendary one of a kind shit over and over again and he's always pissing himself with joy when he finds them, as if he hadn't found and used each an every one of those items countless times over the span of decades. Storing them after each game instead of apparently chucking them into the great void will give him time to catch up on his bass fishing, burglry, and flute lessons. On top of of that I'll give him a fox to handle the invincible-when-pissed-off-chickens. Then I'm getting Zelda and Peach LifeAlert, because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I would give Max Renn from Videodrome next month's supply of Risperdal, because he obviously needs it more than I do...

gonna be spending some of the cash for a home-made self-destruct button for EVERY FRIGGIN GUNDAM PILOTS out there, since they seem to LOVE the stuff so much in their shows!!

as for the rest of the money, i'll be pocketing it myself. what? they won't be needing it where THEY'RE going! i need to pay rent!

id buy Jecht a teddy bear. If he had a teddy bear, who knows? Maybe he wouldn't have turned into worlds worst monster-dad.

I would punch Ash Ketchum in the face, steal his Pokemon, and give them all the best gift of all: Freedom.

Well, except for Pikachu. I'd give him to Team Rocket so they can get on with their lives.

I'd get Wonderwoman a more revealing top. Now,now, I'm doing this out of horiness, but rather out of pity.

To give a boost to the baby-feeders is to get a boost in one's avid readers.

Homemade gifts ok? Then how about I get Edward Cullen my homemade fist in his face, a homemade machete-through-the-neck, and a homemade stake-through-the-heart. Aw, heck, it's the season of giving, so why don't I get one of each for the rest of the Twilight characters. And most of the fans.

Not good enough?
Then I would get some gasoline for Mad Max.

No?
Spellcheck software for Rob Bricken?

That's just mean.
I would get myself five minutes in the penalty box.

Since I get to spend 200 bucks I can give several characters a gift they really really need.

For Super Friends era Brainiac, Black Vulcan, Robin and also for good old Dr. Manhattan and He-Man... Pants for everybody!

I would buy Lando Calrissian a box of Magnum Condoms, because...you know...he's Lando.

I would give Lobot a 1-year membership to Hairclub. In "Return of the Jedi", you could clearly see the low self-esteem in his eyes. I'm sure they could implant the hair without damaging his Biotech Aj6 cyborg headband. And it would just do so much for the poor cyborg's self-image. Merry Xmas Cloud City!!!

If I may be permitted to post a second entry, I'd like to give Bowser an anthology of war texts centering around counterinsurgency, because the nature of his offensive against the Mushroom Kingdom is wholly inappropriate. He and his Koopa minions constitute a military superpower; possessive of highly advanced technology, sizeable ranks, efficiently organized hierarchies, and fiece discipline. By rights, they should be the dominant force in the region, especially given the meager nature of their conquests, but that assumes that their world is bound by the standards of conventional videogame warfare.
I content that the Mario Brothers, Yoshi, and their allies are a kind of insurgent group (justifiable or otherwise is irrelevant for the purposes of the Christmas gift). They acts autonomously using guerilla tactics, have no formal military organization or skills, and act without regard for the backlash that the native population stands to face. Loss of lives mean nothing to them because they can always gain more over the course of their fight and even in a worst case scenario, they are emboldened by the promise of practical immortality. Technologically, they are bound mostly by whatever was conveniently left over from or given by previous powers, but they are ruthlessly practiced and proficient given the limited resource pool.
The Koopa powers' strength is demonstrated in their swift and absolute overthrow of the Mushroom Kingdom, but prolonged occupation is the historic Achilles' heel of superpowers. Occupiers often find themselves over-extended and face resentment by the resident population, which may grow sympathetic toward resistance powers as a result. Combine this with a track record of oppression and the installation of corrupt powers to govern conquered regions, and it should be no suprise that the toads lionize and support violent radicals.
Hopefully those texts, spanning Iraq, Afghanistan, Sri Lanka, Chile, the Zulu Kingdom, China, Bolivia, Palestine, Cuba, Shah Era Iran, Revolution Era U.S./France, the IRA and beyond will give the Koopas a great understanding of the demands and necessities of non-conventional videogame warfare. Funding, policy-making, troop needs, support at home, cooperation with allies (I'm looking at you, King Boo and Shy Guys), long-term goals, combating propeganda, relations with nationals, nation-building, and exit strategies.
And throw in Sun Tzu's the Art of War for good measure. My hand hurts now for some reason.

I think I'd get an all-you-can-eat gift certificate to a fish and chip for Sailor Moon. After all, eating fish is supposed to boost intelligence and, quite frankly, Sailor Moon could use the help. If there was any money left over, I'd get her some bike shorts to wear under her uniform so she wouldn't have to worry about her skirt flipping. And maybe some birth control. Yeah, definitely birth control.

I would give the Lone Wanderer from Fallout 3 $200 because I'm fucking poor in that game and Pre-War Money is worth 10 caps a piece.

CHA-CHING!

I would give Dorothy Gale a $2.50 gas station hand held water pistol. So she can blast that damn wicked witch in the face first chance she gets...and a copy of some midget porn so she knows what shes missing out on with the lollipop guild.

My initial thought was that I would get Drizzt Do'Urden a perscription for some Prozac, but several people have already mentioned perscription drugs as gifts, so it just isn't as amusing as it should be. Besides, $200 wouldn't go very far... three months at the most before he was back to his bitchy moaning and whining.

Instead, I'd send Terl (from Battlefield: Earth) a box of Kleenex.

I would give E.T a phone at the beginning of the movie so that he can call home and stop scaring the bejesus out of me.

If that's stupid then I'd like to give the characters in Left4Dead a car alarm remote to prevent the alarm going off when shooting near the cars. Since there's only one type of car that has an alarm, it would only take one type of remote. Simple and it would certainly make my life easier cause the people I play with are utter morons and always start the alarms.

I think I'd like to give Kermit:

1 copy of The Bacon Cookbook: More Than 150 Recipes from Around the World for Everyone's Favorite Food

1 cast iron frying pan

1 hand axe

So he can do something useful with Miss Piggy and get himself a better girlfriend.

I would buy Lois Lane some facial recognition software so that she would finally realize that the object of her obsession is just a cubicle away from her. If that doesn't do it, then I don't know what will. Really, Lois? You're fooled by a pair of glasses? You're a reporter, for God's sake!

How about a laser scope to go on the end of a Stormtrooper's rifle so they'd stop missing?

I would give Ash Ketchum his old hat back. Then I would wait for him to realize how dumb he was for leaving it behind. Maybe then he will go back for Misty. Jerk.

Heads up! Going into obscure territory!

I'd give Jack (from Puzzle Bobble 3/Bust-a-Move 3DX/Bust-A-Move '99) the home game version of Card Sharks. Jack loves card games (it's even featured in his intro), and who doesn't love a good home game based on a lesser-known '70s/'80s game show? The questions involved guessing, so I'm guessing this gift would also be appreciated by Twinkle (from the same video game mentioned above).
(Hope that doesn't DQ me.)

(Yes, I could've said Gambit, but I wanted to go with someone obscure so I don't accidentally plagiarize anyone else's entry.)

I'd buy pre-Cylon War Brother Cavil/Number One a big, plush Eeyore, one of those squeezable stress-balls, and then I'd spend the rest on liquor.

This way, every time he gets all Oedipal and pissy, he can try to relax, and consider that maybe genocide isn't the best idea after all.

I am going to give a home pregnancy kit to Neytiri from Avatar.

=====================

And as a second gift, I am going to give a copy of Quicken Financial Software to James Cameron. I know that he is not a fictional character but it might help him come in under budget on the next film that he does!

I'd give the Sunbow GI Joes Call of Duty Modern Warfare 1 & 2 because they need to step their game up and start hitting their targets. Seriously, for special forces, you guys can't get one kill?

Drug Rehab for Paul Atreides. We all know why.

I would give C-3PO som brass polish so he could "polish his goldenrod".....

For Arlong (One Piece):

$200 worth of cheap old Soviet medals. He does the dictator life, but all good dictator stereotypes need a chest full of self-awarded medals

I would give Krazy Kat two books: "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Why Men Love Bitches"

Egyptian Cotton Terry Bathrobe: Forty Dollars
Bottle of Walnut Crest Merlot: Sixty Dollars
DVD Copies of The Day After Tomorrow, The Happening, and 2012: Fifty Five Dollars
One Liter Bottle of Baby Oil: Twenty Dollars
Box of Kleenex's: Five Dollars
Watching a relaxed Captain Planet take his testicular pollution down to zero with a good old fashion grudge jerk: Priceless
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.

I would giver Power Girl a bra. That poor girl's back must be killing her by now.

If I were to give a fictional character a gift, I would give something to the Trix rabbit. I assume you must think I would give him 200$ worth of trix cereal and yogurt, but no, I would give him a gun. so this way, whenever he went up to those little elitist children, ask them for trix, and as they laugh spewing "silly rabbit trix are for kids!" and as they laugh in his face about his apparent ill fortune, he pulls out the gun and whispers "not any more" as he looks at the horrified looks on their faces as he squeezes the trigger, writhing in the extacy of the trix and the knowledge of the fear and irony they experienced in their last moments of life.

That or I would get Liono a tiny kitty sweater :3

I would give Ford Prefect a very soft, absorbent new towel. Because you should always carry a towel.

I am going to buy Guy Montag a Kindle, and use the rest of the money for a subscription for e-books.

If I could give one gift to a fictional character id pick giving Van Helsing Edward Cullens adresses. If the almighty being known as Santa is out there I beseach you to make it happen. And put it on dvd and blue ray to watch the Cristmas magic over and over again.

I'd buy Fry's dog Seymour a spot in the cryogenics chamber next to him. Yeah, it's not the funniest entry in this list, but damn if it wouldn't be the best gift for Futurama nerds the world over as well. It'd certainly make that episode a shitload less depressing to watch as well.

I would get free target shooting lessons for ALL Imperial Stormtroopers.

I would get King Kong a Manequin, dressed up as one of those starlets he's always after. I think all he ever really wanted was a barbie doll, the manequin should fit the bill.

to the punisher in cash so he can get a safe safe house when needed

I'd give Brainiac a decent pair of pants.

I'll throw in a pair for Solomon Grundy too, since we all know he'll want them too.

That's easy. I'd give a pair of balls to Edward Cullen. And some fangs. And you know, body hair. And a Y chromosome. Is he a man yet?!?

That's easy. I'd give a pair of balls to Edward Cullen. And some fangs. And you know, body hair. And a Y chromosome. Is he a man yet?!?

I'd give the stormtrooper the droids he was looking for!

Hmm...

I would give Mad Max....

A hess truck.

then id sing "the hess trucks back and its better then ever!" and then I would laugh.

I'd buy Travis Touchdown a copy of No More Heroes so he could easily play with himself. Seems fitting given the game's sense of humor.

I'd give Jareth from Labyrinth the address to my house, along with a note mentioning that I am a whiny teenage girl who sees life as unfair, especially when she has to babysit her younger sibling.

I'd buy Movie Aunt May that toaster she wanted so badly when she opened her new Super Saver account with that asshole bank manager. Then maybe Uncle Ben's visage will miraculously appear to her in her toast.

I would buy Saxton Hale some Hulk Hands so that when he beats up hippies and bears with his bare hands it would make hilarious noises.
And then the chance for Hulk Hands to be an unlockable item for the heavy weapons guy would be irresistable.

I would buy Smeagol a non-evil ring and switch it for the One Ring before he becomes all nasty and cursed.

So I'm not really giving him a ring, I'm giving him his life back. Plus now IT'S MINE, THE RING IS MINE MWAHAHAHAHA.

This one's easy.

I'd give a Dollhouse complete-series DVD-box set to Topher Brink.

MIND = BLOWN

I'd like to buy Damian Wayne a Coke and a smile... But assuming the Coke costs a buck or so, what would make Robin the Grouch smile for $199 or less? I mean, really, what do you buy a 10-year-old sociopath who has everything?

I'd give Hanna-Barbera's Muttley the one thing he always wanted from that bastard Dick Dastardly: a medal. Muttley would save Dastardly all the time whenever one of his damn "flying machines" went wrong. All he asked for in return was a medal. He's a sentient dog who can fly simply by wagging his tail like a helicopter blade! Won't someone give that poor mutt a medal already?! I'm sure I could find a nice one on eBay for under $200.

I would give Pedobear a press pass to this: http://www.universalroyalty.com/nationals.htm

I've already given my gift but I hope someone gives Pac-Man a friend cause in my heart I believe "waka waka waka" is just a cry for help and a sound of loneliness. Friends don't cost a thing... Except if you have to bribe them.

I would give Marty McFly a gun so he could just shoot Biff. Think about it. No way would he be able to get caught! He's from the FUTURE!!!

I'd give all the werewolves in Twilight extra stretch pants so their clothes don't explode off their bodies after each transformation.

Is there such a thing as non exploding pants?

I'd give Willy Wonka and the Oompa Loompa posse a bushel of organic produce along with a dietary guidebook to hopefully offset the oncoming epidemic of diabetes. It's hard to put on one of their little self-righteous showstoppers when they've had a foot amputated.
And while I'm on the subject, I'll get Godzilla that "How to Serve Man" book from the Twilight Zone, becaue barbeque all day everyday must be hell on the arteries.

I would give Wheeler from Captain Planet a rufey so he can score with Linka

I'm gonna buy a Wii (now only 199.99, just in time for the holidays!!!!!!!!!!) and give it to Darth Vader, because if anyone's gonna enjoy slashing and twirling and flicking a little stick around for every fucking game, it's gonna be that wheezy bastard.

My bad

Thyroid medication for Little Orphan Annie to deal with that eye problem.

I would give Edward Cullen a big empty box. Why a box? So I can put him in that box and close the top so I don't have to look at him anymore. And maybe I'll mail him to Romania so he can meet a real vampire.

I'd buy Dance Dance Revolution and invite DC's Flash and Marvel's Quicksilver over so I can watch the world burst into flames

I would buy chewbacca a medal for bravery, seeing as he was screwed out of getting one before.

I would give Bruce Wayne the complete Quantum Leap series on DVD, since he could use it to prepare for his upcoming time travel adventures. You know, learn from the master, Scott Bakula. That way whether he's cavebat-man or batbeard the pirate, he'll know that he's not alone in hoping that the next leap will be the leap home.

Oh and maybe while he's a caveman(bat?) he can kill of those annoying Geico cavemen so I will never have to see those stupid commercials again.

I'm Cobra Commander's Secret Santa...
I'd give him GI Joe the complete series. Now he can have a well documented list of failed World Domination Schemes... Maybe he'll finally notice that his over the top schemes are god damn awful... Since the set has the PSAs I'll add a note for the Commander to pay special attention to those... Because the one true weakness of GI Joe is... children.

HAIL COBRA!!!

I'd try to get Borat a press pass (even though $200 can hardly be considered bribe money), because if anyone can cause an epic scene following a secret service defying white house gate crash, its that crazy sumumabitch.

I would buy Batman a Russian mail order bride so no one would tease him about his "relationship" with Robin.

I would give Team Rocket Pikacu so they will shut the hell up

For Peter Parker, it would have to be a couple therapy sessions and some good anti-depressants. Maybe, just maybe, then he will learn to deal with his Aunt May "mommy" issues, and realize death is as much a part of life as swinging from buildings. Maybe then he can resolve the issue of giving up a supermodel wife for a crusty old lady who has had more death scares than the women in all daytime soap operas combined.

I would give Chuck Norris a time machine so he could go back in time and save Jonathan Brandis so we could have another seaquest!

Fictional characters, huh?
How about Fox's sense of reason
I'll send the DVD's of all the great show's they've cancelled over the years that achieved critical success and loyal fanbases. I'll send with them a note asking them if the inevitable recycled sitcom or reality show replacement was really worth freeing up the time space. And I'd like to have a broader chat with all television and movie producers to ask if profit boost from these dirt cheap and dirt quality, lowest common demoninator drek pieces their shoving down our throat are worth the whoring out of creative integrity and artistic vision which come with the unfortunate addition of innovation, and how this is bleeding over into other social realms, creating a generation of vapid consumers raised on ideological junk food. Yeah, its gonna be a chatty Christmas

Last minute thoughts:

Plans for nuclear bombs to the Nazis in World War II games, so that they can defeat everyone and end their horribly overused setting.

Torturers for any characters who have participated in button mashing sequences, regardless of the quality of the other aspects of their games.

Crap, I forgot to enter before deadline, but here's my entry for the fun of it.

I'm giving Mario a new hat, because he seems to have lost his ever since I got 99 lives in NSMB Wii, and it shows little sign of ever coming back as long as he lives.

I'd get... hmm. So many good entries. I wanted to get Wilford Brimly something, but... ok. I would get G-Man (from Half-Life series) a speech trainer, more Hair Polish, and some crap to put in his briefcase. He looks stupid walking around with an empty briefcase.

I'd get... hmm. So many good entries. I wanted to get Wilford Brimly something, but... ok. I would get G-Man (from Half-Life series) a speech trainer, more Hair Polish, and some crap to put in his briefcase. He looks stupid walking around with an empty briefcase.

Ooo, really sorry about the double post. Also, I want to change my entry. I would get: Some fucking Ludins Wild Cherry cough drops to the Hunter, some Niquorette gun and patches to the Smoker, a subscription to Jenny Craig for the Boomer, Ritalin for the Witch, and some Extendze for the Tank. You know he really needs that. Oh, and a mega pack of Tums for the Spitter.

I'm giving Shaft a lump of coal for Christmas
Cause he's one baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad motherfucker.

I'd buy Samara from The Ring a VHS-to-DVD converter, lest her poor choice of medium see her horrifying curse become obsolete.

In fact, I'd get her one with an SD slot (see my URL) so she could more easily upload her video to YouTube.

That'd keep her busy.

I'd give Captain Kirk a toy lightsaber so he would know what he's missing. And let's be honest, who doesn't want to smack Spock around a little bit every now and then?

PS, I'm assuming 12:01 in the deadline refers to 12:01 pm

: )

I'd purchase Chewbacca a copy of The Complete Works of William Butler Yeats and a bottle of Kahlua.

I'd give the imperial stormtroopers on tatooine a signed picture of anthony daniels and kenny baker, maybe even in robot costume with the message "HA HA... These were the droids you were looking for.... Technically"

Ooh and I'd buy tidus a new pair of trouser/shorts so that both legs were the same length!

I'd buy Jake Scully some condoms, you know he's gonna get some hot cgi Na'vi tail (pun intended), and as you heard in one of the trailers "Out there everything will try to kill you." I imagine they have some pretty gnarly alien clap or herp spreading around.