By Rob Bricken in
Merchandise
Wednesday, Jan. 6 2010 @ 2:04PM
Look, I don't think I can properly explain this. I mean, I can describe what it is, but you're going to have many questions, and I don't think I have any of the answers.
This is a wedding countdown bra. Basically, it's a bra with a terrifying countdown clock, which counts down until something -- possibly until the age of 28, which is the average age Japanese women get married (although I don't know that for sure). The countdown only stops when an engagement ring is inserted into it, which the bra celebrates by triumphantly playing the "Wedding March." If the video is correct, the bra comes with a matching lower half, which has two large hearts which -- and again, I'm guessing here -- double at oven mitts. Which is incredibly sexist, but if you're a woman wearing a marriage countdown bra, you probably don't give a shit.
Guys, I don't know. I don't know who would buy this or why or for who. I don't know if any ring would technically work. I especially don't know what happens when the countdown reaches zero, but I assume either it makes the wearer's bust double in size, you know, to help things out, or it just explodes.Thanks to John for the tip.
29 comments
Comments
Izandra said:
I wonder what happens if you're already past 28? Does it just self-combust when the woman touches it?
porcupine replied to Izandra:
It probably comes with its own suicide pill and a twenty-page apology to all of your relatives for failing to be loved.
Really, this is boorish at very best and just reinforces the notion that the nation of Japan is not interested in advancing feminism beyond the 1960's.
MattK said:
This is like some crazy alternate universe device that came from a dimension where the Victorian era stayed through the technological revolution.
Do tentacle monsters somehow know a by-pass for when they perform their tentacle rape?
DaveT said:
Were those tampon holders? wtf?
sparkleneelysparkle said:
why are the ball point pen holders SO IMPORTANT? are they integral to the STRUCTURE of this thing somehow? this is...i just cant..
Raven replied to sparkleneelysparkle:
The pen is for signing a marriage contract and the other item is not a pen at all, it is a hanko. A hanko is basically a stamp with your name on it, in Japan each person has their own and it is their personal seal. Most, if not all, legal documents in Japan require it.
Necronomic Forecast replied to Raven:
I've never heard of a hanko before. Thanks for the info!
Hmmm... said:
Hey, I think oven mitts are a GREAT idea!
DamageControl said:
What I wouldnt give to speak Japanese right now.
Nicnac said:
better to make panties that sing "ha..... lelujah!" when the bridegroom inserts his.... never mind. Ignore me.
Amanduh said:
Something tells me that we’re better off just guessing about this stuff. We may not be able to handle the truth.
Yakub Shabazz said:
That pink ring insert on the bra looks a bit like a very shallow fleshlight, except sideways. Which, you know, I've heard about Asian women...
MARCUS said:
is there a money slot for this hooker?
Liz said:
This is the kind of thing someone's psychopathic grandchild-craving mom would buy for them. Completely batshit.
porcupine replied to Liz:
Nah. The parents want to make sure the girl busts her hump finding a man or...she's kind of useless.
How I wish this wasn't the case.
Geoff said:
I know several girls who'd love the bra. At least, if it only unlocked if presented with a sufficiently large diamond.
captain zeep said:
"Why? BECAUSE JAPAN THAT'S WHY!" applies here.
Do like the exploding idea. Having near-cougar's detonate would certainly spice up an evening at the club.
"So, can I buy you a" ** FOOM **
It'd be like the 4th of July -with flaming body parts (which come to think of it, would make it exactly like July 4th for some people).
Ignacio Alcuri said:
It became almost necessary that you hire a japanese speaking guy for the site. It's your own fault
The Man With Two Brains replied to Ignacio Alcuri:
I agree that we desperately need a translator for these sorts of things!
Gleeman said:
I came for the Christmas Cake, leaving unsatisfied.
demoncat said:
i wonder what the reactions will be from the men who come across their girlfriends wearing that thing besides some who may be commitment shy running for the hills for fear the clock part is represnting the woman's ticking bio clock.
Kris said:
My hot-nerd boyfriend proposed on New Year's Eve (Okay, technically New Year's Day) and now I want a do-over. I want a Super Amazing American Thing version of this bra, made to look like the masochist bra on Trashy lingerie. And I want it to play the Imperial March when the ring is inserted. Is that too much to ask?
supergodmasterforce said:
Seriously - sweeping generalization that it is I stand by it 'cos I live here-
Japanese girls are crazy to get married before they hit the late 20s
batshit-crazy-to- the-point-that-I'll-take-anyone-with-a-pulse-and-a-salary-kind-of-crazy
Strangeman said:
At first glance I thought it was a bra you could only open by putting money in a coin slot, which is THE GREATEST MONEY-MAKING IDEA EVER. That'd be too practical for Japan, though. Tell me why would Japanese women, once presented with an engagement ring, then want to hide said ring under their too-small breasts? It'd be cool at least if there was some kind of spring-loaded launcher that shoots the ring back out while the screen flashes, "NO!" Nothing could be more devastating than being that close to the Promise Land (the jubblies) and being dumped action-figue accessory style.
What was the deal with the doilly that folds out with the ho's name and vital stats on it? Why did it have her blood type on it? Are you supposed to wipe up her blood with it?
I think the whole engagement ring underwear idea would work better as a chastity belt. It's be like the Wonder Twins activating their power, but with the explicit possibility of getting laid.
Also: this site needs a resident translator, or a translator robot, although I doubt this bra thing would make sense in any language.
Rocco said:
I hope the Blackest Night rings work on this..
Bingo said:
Until the age of 28? Who wants to get married so young?
Asat said:
I dunno who to feel sorrier for, the model, the inventor, the purchaser, the recipient, or the reporter and narrators who evidently had to recite the same idiotic information THREE times. Journalism must be a soul-crushing occupation in Japan.
Jade said:
As someone who does actually speak Japanese (to a muddling point) I'm happy to say this thing is NOT being sold to the general public. Recently in Japan there's been a movement called Marriage Life Style, which means women (and men, but mostly women) searching for life partners before all the good one's are taken. Of course "good one" means 6 feet tall and making at least $70,000 a year or so. What this essentially boils down to is that there are a lot of young women who want to get married, but won't settle so people just aren't getting married period. I suppose someone somewhere thought this would be helpful.
Natalie said:
What the? Who? Why? But? So many questions I probably shouldn't even bother asking.
