By Rob Bricken in
Miscellaneous, Nerdery
Friday, Feb. 12 2010 @ 2:15PM
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I have found a fan fic worse than The Pokémon Story.
Seriously. Just having it read makes me want to drink myself to death in some dark corner of my house. And before you ask, no, today's FFF isn't it. Today's FFF isn't even close to the awfulness of what I will call The Other Story, and it's pretty fucking awful. And what makes me equally miserable is that even though I warned you guys about The Pokémon Story, even though I relented and posted it, and even though guys near unanimously agreed that I was right about its wretchedness.. some of you fools will mistakenly think you want to read The Other Story.
You don't. I promise. There's nothing funny I can say about it. And I'm not posting it, for your own good, not today, and hopefully not ever. So there. Now on to today's FFF, from a gent named King Splooge, which should be a pretty accurate hint as to the depravity content in today's FFF. I can't really post any of it before the jump, in fact, but I have thought of a few alternate titles that should sum up the story reasonably well (without giving away the big twist).
• Harry Potter and the Very Bad Decision
• Harry Potter and the Half-Male Female
• Harry Potter Gets Anally Raped by a Girl
Onward, fan fic warriors. Sigh.
Hermione was on her back, both of her pulled straight back with her feet on either side of her head to allow her lover easier access to her hairless, smooth little honey pot. Her long, curly mouse-brown hair was splayed around her head like a halo, her eyes were closed, and her mouth formed a small 'o'. With each each thrust from her lover, her round, medium-sized breasts would roll back and then come forward again, jiggling in time. She was somewhat pear shaped, lacking the sexy hourglass curve of older women, but she made up for this with a round, squeezable ass which made a delicious slapping sound against Harry's body each time he pounded her.I assume this is based on the Harry Potter books, because of the many adjectives I would use to describe Emma Watson, "pear-shaped" isn't one of them. Look, I'm just going to skip ahead to the madness. No need to make this any more awful for myself.
"Do you remember the secret I told you about? You know, the one that I'd never tell anyone else?"So, Hermione's vagina was the Chamber of Secrets all along?
"Mmm."
"Well, I think the time's come for you to find out what it is."
Harry moved his hands up and down Hermione's soft warm body, wondering what the secret could be. He paused when he felt the muscles in her abdomen tense, as though she were going to the bathroom. Then, suddenly, he felt a something swell beneath his lips, and an oily, well-lubricated penis slid noisily out of Hermione's pink folds. The thing was pink and curved like a banana, and a bit of bubbly yellow ichor was leaking from the end. In preparation, Hermione reached towards her discarded robe and drew out her wand, quickly performing a charm to prevent any sound from escaping the secret chamber they were hiding in. It was a good thing she did, too, for Harry immediately let fly the most horrific, blood-curdling scream that Hermione had ever heard. His bright bottle-green eyes bulged and his face turned alabaster white, the now colorless lips pulling back from the teeth in a barbaric display of primal terror. He scrambled back from the Lovecraftian horror poking out of Hermione's crotch, plastering himself against the wall in a futile attempt to escape the monstrosity that had killed his erection.
"Harry!" she said sharply, giving him the sharp, bossy look that she always did when she wanted to get a-hold of him. He stood there for a few moments with his mouth hanging open as though unhinged, but eventually Hermione's reliable hawkish look got him under control.I know that Harry's seen some weird shit in his life, but he's handling Hermione growing a penis right in front of his face remarkably well, Hermione's "bossy look" notwithstanding.
"Hermione," he said, not coming any closer but with some color returning to his face, "That's rather a big a surprise. D'you think you could have told me about that before before we, you know, did this?"
"I could have told you I was a Cryptophallid," she replied, crossing her arms over her breasts and letting her lower lip protrude slightly, "but if I had you wouldn't have wanted to." Her eyes appeared moist.Cryptophallids appear to be nothing than a lovely idea from the crowned head of King Splooge, in case you were wondering.
Harry wasn't particularly good at picking up on these sorts of clues, but even he could take such obvious hints."It's so a penis."
"I... I'm sorry. I didn't think it would hurt your feelings so bad. It's just that that thing... It's so..."
"So what?" asked Hermione, her eyes becoming even more moist. Harry sensed that the waterworks were about to come on if he didn't do something quick. Girls could be so fickleMore specifically: What had he just allowed to get into himself?
"Look, if it makes you happy, I'll still do this stuff with you. Even with that thing around." He said. Then he swallowed. What had he just gotten himself into?
She sniffed. She wasn't about to just relent and make it easy on him; no, he'd have to work for this one.
"Get on your knees." she said, pointing at the ground. Harry groaned. He'd just made a promise, and now the bitch had him by the balls. This was going to hurt. A lot.
He sank to his knees and, with Hermione's less-than-gentle guidance, wrapped his lips around her throbbing member. The oily stench of it was overpowering, and it seemed to secrete something much stronger than ordinary sweat. The slimy fluid was sour and semi-acidic, and the Cryptophallus itself was unnaturally rough and scaly. Harry gagged as he felt the questing dick force its way up inside of his mouth, Hermione giving him an arch smile as she forced him to deep-throat her rather impressive dick.
"That's right," she said softly, feeling his wet boy-lips slide up and down on her penis, "Gulp on it."
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Of course, this wasn't all she needed. She eventually angled her hips and stuffed the wang into Harry's cheek, fucking the inside of his mouth with reckless abandon. He sputtered and gurgled as she forced it back into his throat. The stimulation to her penis was arousing her in the same way that having her vagina licked would, and as a result she became more wet by the minute. Her vaginal fluids were being secreted in such great amounts that a bit of it actually began to drip down her leg. Cryptophallids have much thicker natural lubricant than humans, and it comes in greater amounts, so soon her vagina was leaking globules of cunt-mucus the consistency of pea soup.Well, that's good to know. I'd say none of us will be having pea soup tonight, but I'm pretty sure no one's eaten pea soup since the 1910s or something.
Eventually, she pulled him off of it by his hair, then pushed him down.Truly, King Splooge has J.K. Rowling's gift for creating a new and magical world full incredible creatures. Unfortunately, King Splooge's world is mostly filled with chicks with dicks, but whatever.
"Get on all fours, Harry." She said.
"What?"
She merely glared at him. He complied.
Hermione first positioned her saturated vulva over Harry's rear end, which was presently sticking up in the air. Thick goo bubbled out of her snatch and fell on Harry's anus, sinking in. Since Cryptophallids are designed to copulated with human males in order to produce offspring, her mucus sucked inside of Harry's asshole, naturally lubricating his colon. Harry whimpered as he felt the magical fuckjuice spread through his intestines.
"Are you ready?" said Hermione, placing a hand on Harry's buttock. When he didn't answer, she let the tip of her Cryptophallus poke against her partner's tight knot, then slowly push inside. Harry gasped. The intrusion was not painful, since he was well-lubricated, and as Hermione began to slowly pump her hips against him, he even felt as though he were enjoying it.
Hermione held Harry's waist in her hands. She squeezed his sides as she continued to fuck his asshole, watching and feeling his sphincter contract around her poking member. Feeling that she was not getting enough enjoyment, she picked up her wand and pointed it at her cock.How I haven't received a spam email with "Engorgio!" as its title is beyond me.
"Engorgio!"
The sound-blocking charm proved useful once again as an ear-shredding scream tore out of Harry. He shrieked continuously and clawed the ground to get away from his tormentor, but it was no use; her grip was iron. Harry, for his part, continued screaming.Ooh. Looks like someone broke into Harry's deathly hallow.
There were tears streaming down his face. There was blood streaming down his thighs. There was drool streaming down his chin. Most of all, there was his pride, streaming right down the fucking drain.Sorry to break it to you, Harry, but you lost your pride the minute you agreed to give Hermione a blowjob so she wouldn't cry. Getting annally violated by Hermione's magically enlarged penis is just a bonus.
In the red haze of his agony, though, he realized what he had to do. He grabbed his wand from the corner of the closet and recited a secret incantation Dumbledore had taught him - one that would prevent you from being coerced physically by another person.If this doesn't make DC fans realize Zatanna's way of casting magic needs desperately tp be changed, nothing will. Point is, if it occurs to an erotic fan fic author, it should not be done by DC editorial. Just sayin'.
"Pots ti Ekam Esaelp Dog Ho!"
Hermione, however, was much better at magic than Harry, and had anticipated his trying something like this. She hadn't expected him to know such an obscure charm, but she had a counter ready.The workers at Harry's shit-factory were killed instantly, and the factory had to be shut down. The nearby town, dependent on the nearby shit-factory for its economy, fell on hard times, and many small businesses closed, especially the shit-related ones.
"Ycrem On Swonk Egoolps G'nik!
Harry's spell choked and died, leaving him only with the rough Cryptophallus ravaging his poor shit-factory. He howled pitifully.
It didn't last much longer, thankfully, but the finish was mind-bogglingly horrible; a wave of fizzing, scalding-hot Cryptosplooge burst into his anal cavity, leeching into his flesh. Waves of Cryptophallid polyps attached themselves like anemones to the lining of his intestine, busily impregnating him. Hermione pulled out before she was finished, and the scalding semen splashed all over the boy's ass, excoriating the surface of it until he had little skin on his ass.You didn't think this was just about Hermione growing a penis and raping Harry, did you? That shit-factory's old school. No, Harry's pregnant, too.
She sighed. "Well, I guess I have to be a little bit nice to you." She pointed her wand at his ass and uttered a few healing charms, working until his butt was more or less re-skinned.Well, after anally raping Harry, healing his skinned and torn ass is very much a little bit nice.
"That was great, Harry. I'm really very sorry about using the Engorgio Charm to make myself bigger. Maybe next time, you'll enjoy it more. Come to think of it - Harry?"But what about Harry's ass-babies? Happily, King Splooge took a minute from his busty schedule ruling the Splooge Kingdom to pen chapter 2.
Having been unable to withstand the brutal assault of the Cryptophallus on his virgin hole, Harry had passed out. Smiling triumphantly to herself, Hermione began to dress herself.
Harry was chained up by his wrists in a dungeon chamber somewhere beneath the school. He had been impregnated by the Cryptophallid polyps in his asshole.Yeah, we remember.
They had been growing steadily for the past few hours, until he could barely walk. When that happened, Hermione had lured him to the dungeon, then overpowered him with her superior grasp of magic and chained him. When Harry asked her what was happening, she had just smiled and said, "You'll see."Not to nitpick, but if things are going to shoot out of his own ass, Harry's going to have a very difficult time seeing. Unless Hermione has a mirror set up or something.
An hour after he had been chained, he felt his insides suddenly swell. Then, without warning, each of the polyps matured, then finally came bursting out. Harry's asshole blew open and his buttocks disintegrated as the Cryptopolyps exited his body.I take no pride in calling this for a variety of reasons.
Each one had matured into an eight-inch-long penis with eight spindly arachnid legs and a pair of wickedly sharp fangs.Huh.
The fangs were rooted in venom sacs which contained a fast-acting neurotoxin for paralyzing their mother's rapemeat. They came skittering out and made loud clicking noises as they moved crab-like across the floor.Harry made a sickened gargling sound as several dozens of the putrid things raced out of his stretched, torn, bleeding anus. Then his eyes rolled back up in his head and a trickle of blood came from his left nostril. He was gone.Normally this would be the point where I put a picture of a puppy, but I'm hurting and I want you all to hurt too.
They moved quickly out of the chamber and into the rest of the school. Because of their magical nature, they were able to secrete acidic semen from their dickholes to bore tunnels through the wall of the school.I'm trying not to think too hard about this, but I do have to wonder what kind of environment these penis-monsters had to evolve in to have fangs, venom sacs, and acidic semen.
One by one, they dropped into the Gryffindor girl's dormitory. It was night-time, and all the girls were asleep in their beds, safe back from the trip to Hogsmeade. All the better.And the penis-monsters can cast magic, too? Now that just seems silly.
They worked quickly. Each eight-legged cock crawled up a bedpost and into the sheets. Each one stuffed itself into a juicy young teenage snatch. The girls all at once began moaning and shrieking. However, it didn't take long for each Cryptopolyp to force itself into each girl's cervix. As soon as this was done, each Cryptopolyp expended its magical potential in casting the Imperius curse on girl.
Very soon, every single girl in the dormitory was under Hermione's control. Laying in her bed, the Cryptophallid smiled her reptilian smile. She sat up in bed and seized up her control of all of the girls. They lined up obediently and moved behind her. Under her iron command, each girl crept down into the Gryffindor lobby, then up into the boy's dormitory.Meanwhile, the members of Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Raveclaw were simultaneously exhaling the world's biggest sigh of relief.
The lobby awoke to screams and shrieks of agony that night. Each boy was being raped in the ass by a sadistic new-born Cryptophallid. The two stages of reproduction had been completed, and now rape was being commited en masse. Several boys, Ron Weasley among them, were lined up against a wall, helpless without their wands. Ron was having his rear end reamed by a pretty blonde girl with an enormous Cryptophallus."Ron took some consolation he wasn't being raped by one of the ugly girls with monster penises."
"Spread your ass, sweetheart," said the girl. Ron, thinking this might ease the pain, reach behind himself and pried open his pale, freckled ass cheeks. The Cryptophallus punched its way into his tight asshole again and again, lubricated by blood and a bad case of diarrhea. This last was owed to some Mexican food that Ron had tried in a novelty shop at Hogsmeade. Suffice to say, it had not gone well in his belly.Of the many things not going well for Ron, I would think last night's dinner would be kind of low on the list.
"Unh," said the blonde girl, batting her long eyelashes as she slammed her massive cock into the boy's poor ass, coming immediately. Cryptophallid spore-juice dripped out of Ron's raw butthole. The floor of the place was wet and sticky with blood, semen, spores and a sweet Crypto-vaginal fuckjuice cocktail, which dripped from the oozing cunts of all the schoolgirls. The boys on either side of Ron soon got the burning semen treatment as well. The wholesale rape of the Gryffindor boys was complete in a few minutes. Then, the real fun began.Please try to get this image out of your head:
Hermione made sure to keep all the boys down on the ground for several hours while the Cryptospores gestated. In a short time, each boy's ass blew off and produced dozens more fully mature Cryptopolyps, each one envenomed and ready to serve its wicked Mistress. Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocks.
"Soon," she said, rubbing her hands together, "I will rule this school!"
Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocksIf you can, please email me and tell me how you did it, because I can't. Also, I can't seem to stop crying.
Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocks
Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocks
257 comments
Comments
Shane no AKA said:
I hate you
I hate the "author"
lol I hate myself for reading even a bit of this
well, i have to go throw up now
R3loy said:
Bring on The Other Story.
Sylvia replied to R3loy:
Seconded. I was laughing at this one.
SafetyDance101 replied to Kayla:
Fourth-ed. I'm getting bored.
Bad Horse replied to SafetyDance101:
Fifth'd. You don't scare me, Bricken.
I thought the Care Bear one was worse than Pokemon, to be honest. Though it wasn't RESPONSIBLE THIS goodness.
I too shall brave The Other Story
Or in other words: Sixth'd
Big D replied to ZADL:
Seventh'd.
Dr. Communism replied to ZADL:
seventhed
Ra Ra Rasputin replied to Dr. Communism:
eighthed, man.
Magicsgame replied to Ra Ra Rasputin:
Ninthed.
abe replied to Magicsgame:
this is nothing bring on the other story you pussy
allee replied to Magicsgame:
Tenth-ed?
Also, wanna know what gets the image of cock spiders (or whatever the hell they were) out of your head? Drinking. Lots. Of. Drinking.
Anonymous replied to allee:
"Squick" was the worst, by far. Bring on the Other Story.
Blargh replied to Anonymous:
Eleventh'd. Pokemon story really wasn't that bad, compared to some shit out there.
...It's gonna be Agony In Pink, isn't it?
Bring it on.
LadySheeana replied to Adam:
Yeah, Rob. Give us The Other Story.
Also, I'm curious: was Rob actually even banned from Yiffstar?
waylander replied to LadySheeana:
the care beat story was way more disturbing than this ...this was funny not disturbing...care bear story was well ....as i read it i realised that i was trying to eat my own mouth.
Ghost replied to waylander:
Twelfth'd
toplessnerd replied to Ghost:
thirteen'thd
Moot replied to toplessnerd:
Bring it the fuck on. Ten bucks says its from Kingdom Hearts fandom.
Tristriam replied to Moot:
Fourteenth, bring it on you big pansy.
Niner replied to Moot:
bring on the Other Story
zasabi replied to Niner:
Agreed, bring it on
yukimurasleftnut replied to zasabi:
worse than pokemon story bring it on and i promise not only to read it top to bottom but i will fap to it . just to prove i can
Dmonick1 replied to yukimurasleftnut:
what they all said, c'mon rob, Other Story, or we'll find our own "army of skittering chittering gibbering cocks." They will be robot cocks if they have to.
Poopenshaft replied to Dmonick1:
Fifteenth'd. The size of of the indentations from these replies are getting ridiculous, by the way.
Lo Pan replied to Poopenshaft:
YOURE ALL COMPLETELY INSANE! Really? You REALLY wanna read another FFF that Rob's warned us about? Do you not remember? Did you not see? DO YOU NOT FEEL????
Also, sixteenth'd.
Immortal Wombat replied to Lo Pan:
Anyone unwilling or unable to brave the story will have ample time to turn away. But for us, the courageous of TR, it is about more than glory or pride. It is about honor. So we implore you, cowardly, womanly Rob, with your panties ever moist and about your ankles, do not think our countenance to be as frail as your own. It is you duty under GOD to visit these trials upon us that we might know our valor. Invite no more shame upon yourself than you already have.
ordinary gentleman replied to Immortal Wombat:
I still have a few scraps of soul left over from that Pokemon Story... I might as well get rid of it anyway - BRING ON THE OTHER STORY (and may the angels have mercy upon us all).
DWP102589 replied to ordinary gentleman:
DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM TO SHOW THE OTHER STORY!!! WHAT ARE YOU INSANE!!!! ALWAYS LISTEN TO ROB WHEN IT COMES TO FFF!!! DUMBASSES!!!!
Bobby Mugabe replied to DWP102589:
I demand the best in FFF, and by that I mean the worst, most disgusting and horrible sh#t the internets can offer. SO BRING ON THE OTHER STORY!!!!
Reese replied to Bobby Mugabe :
I'm only replying to see larger margins.
Shameless replied to Reese:
We must see how far we can strain the margins. This opportunity may not present itself again for a long time.
SD replied to Shameless:
Bring on the story. Also, these replies are getting ridiculous.
Guphynda replied to SD:
Post the story Rob or we'll keep spamming this thread indefinitely with repetative posts. And the margins can't take much more of this.
Magicsgame replied to Guphynda:
We must keep going, men! Onward!
Big D replied to Magicsgame:
The border is broken. BRING ON THE OTHER STORY!
Tantrix replied to Big D:
OH BOY,THIS DOESN'T END WELL
Magicsgame replied to Tantrix:
WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?
And I'm still waiting for the fic.
Handbanana replied to Magicsgame:
After this, the margins will be completely gone, reply option and all.
Anonymous replied to Magicsgame:
Now this is just getting selective for people with widescreen monitors.
Big D replied to Magicsgame:
To the edges of time and space!
Hanni replied to ordinary gentleman:
Because apparently I hate my immortal soul: seventeenth'd!
Dmonick1 replied to Immortal Wombat:
actually I think it's more about hilarity, fear, and being dicks to our friends by sending them the links.
Setimir92 replied to Dmonick1:
I WANT THE OTHER STORY!!!!! I HAVE ENEMIES TO PUNISH, FRIENDS TO MENTALLY MUTILATE AND POSSIBLE SUITORS TO SCARE OFF!!!! I DEMAND THE OTHER STORY
UNCE UNCE UNCE replied to Setimir92:
18th. bring it the fuck on
Followup replied to UNCE UNCE UNCE:
What am I? ninteenth or twentieth?
Bring it. Pokemon wasn't all that bad...
grimjojo replied to ZADL:
gotta say i agree
care bear one was the worst yet
and to think i stumbled onto this site while looking for shirt-less vin diesel pics
keep up the good work rob
'smooth little honey pot' OMG hilarious and the 'shit factory' comment made cry with laughter.
actually think the lois and the basket of veg sex toys was worse!!!!
i think rob, that you are just trying to lead us into a false sense of fff security and then pop out the OTHER one.
and i say go for it
The Great A'tuin replied to SafetyDance101:
Fifthificationified
nick replied to The Great A'tuin:
re-seconded.
This story HURT. But I still want to read The Other Story.
Zade replied to nick:
Still haven't read anything on par with what I've heard about the Holocaust or any of the torture movies so xthed.
You people are mad. Did we not learn anything from our past that we would ask for The Other Story?
I know FFF has done much to destroy our humanity, but may God have mercy on our souls for what you ask.
Zade replied to Sean:
Actually, I haven't even read any FFFs more soul crushing than say: Elfen Lied, Black Lagoon, or the Kite films.
Hey Rob, your FFF aren't really much worse than those awful dubbed hentai animes on RedTube. Maybe you should link to them:p
nick replied to Zade:
I like soulcrushing experiences. My soul is nice and crunchy by now. Like a crouton.
Hermit replied to nick:
I've already read Agony in Pink. That is some sick shit, but bring it. ;P
Magicsgame replied to Hermit:
Agony in Pink? Child's play. You make it through Subjugation, you can make it through anything. Pokemon Story doesn't even come close to the mind rape of that fanfic.
The Amazing Rando replied to Zade:
You should try an anime series known as "Bible Black" if you want to see chicks with Dicks raping other girls and even guys. I love Bible Black and this story doesn't even come close... Rob sorry, but you're miles away from grossing me out, but I invite to to try...
lemur replied to R3loy:
Seriously. This was weak. Bring it on. I only wanted to vomit once.
KingPsyz rolls with Valor replied to R3loy:
Bring it on, you know why?
It's better to know thine own enemy, and if you aren't convinced by now these fan-fic creators are not the mortal enemy of the rest of the human race you haven't been paying attention every friday...
Zdenko replied to KingPsyz rolls with Valor:
Bring on the Other Story. This one was funny. :)
Acid Rainbows replied to R3loy:
Sixteenth.
I can take a mind-raping.
Cdaja replied to R3loy:
This story was bizarre and hilarious, but hardly bad. Bring on The Other Story!
Blaze96 replied to R3loy:
If you have something to score a perfect on the top ten list scale, then it must be shared with the world. Even if it is only done for honor and so I know who to blame in my suicide letter.
Faesdeynia replied to R3loy:
Seriously, I think you're getting soft. I demand The Other Story.
JoeA replied to R3loy:
Bring it on, the pokemon story didn't phase me and neither will the other story!
KingJtheAwesome replied to R3loy:
In fairness, the Pokemon Story was so fucked up in was hilarious. Full circle and all. I want to see if this "Other Story" can by pass it and do a double loop.
I dare you, Rob. Give us the other story. Or, at least, a link to the ballsier amongst us.
jeffers said:
I took one look at the alternate titles for this... "story", and just knew that I wasn't gonna be able to get through this. Not cool, Rob. NOT COOL!
jeffers replied to jeffers:
I also just caught a glimpse of the last line and it felt like everything that was good and wonderful about the world had suddenly been ripped away from my soul. Once again, NOT COOL!
Bad Horse said:
Eh. Is it horrible that I am no longer shocked by any, ANY permutation of FFF that doesn't involve animated infantibeastiality?
Admiral John said:
What the hell did we do to you to deserve this?
Whatever it is, we're sorry.
do4m said:
If the Penis monsters are like Marvel's symbiotes then maybe they could coax the girls into casting the Imperius curse on themselves and let the Cryptophallids control them...
My only complaint is there is no Cryptophallids raping Cedric Diggory...
Ryan said:
I feel like I was raped by a cryptophallid just by reading this. Words can not convey the absolute horror I feel in my brain.
I was a FFF virgin and your horrible story raped me.
Terjay said:
RIDE IN TO THE DANGER ZONE!
Kayla said:
I love how Ron just went with it, bitching about tacos and some shit.
PD replied to Kayla:
As is Ron's way.
JOBSQUAD said:
You know what, Rob?
WHAT-THE FUCK-EVER.
You tease us by saying you've found the most twisted, messed up Fanfic and you think we're NOT gonna ask you to post it? Please.
I still have nightmares of the Pokemon story, but why did the man climb the mountain? Because it was there. You found it, you told us about it, now you gotta post it.
Yes, I'm fully aware that I will be sorely regretting this statement soon....
Raine said:
my eyes...they burn like fire!! what hell was that?
Gruntled said:
"Because of their magical nature, they were able to secrete acidic semen from their dickholes to bore tunnels through the wall of the school."
If I only had a nickel for every time I've heard that sentence.
kenshiro said:
This could be a major comic book crossover event. What could be more evil and threatening than an army of sentient acid butt raping penises? Dr Doom needs to get on that shit.
bookfisher replied to kenshiro:
No artist will take the job, Giger would stab his drawing hand, if he started illustrating this insult to humaninity
kenshiro replied to bookfisher:
True dat. But i can't help but chuckle imaging Liefeld trying to work out how many pouches he could put on the penises.
Anonymous replied to kenshiro:
That... That is just too awesome for words. the mental image is priceless.
redhood8 replied to kenshiro:
wowwee! Long gone are the days of being traumatized by things like 2 girls 1 cup. Mommy your boy is moving up in the world. Is there something wrong with me that the only thing I could think of was of Zatanna teaching Dumbledore the stupid backwards spells? Come on Rob, show us the Other Story. These FFFs are soul destroying but im looking for ass-disintegrating awful.
Kim said:
THE OTHER STORY. PLEASE. I WILL SEND YOU MONEY.
Tragic said:
I dunno which was better - that Hermione was hiding a Lovecraftian horror in her pants, or that the part about how King Splooge knows no mercy. lmao.
GCJ replied to Tragic:
I laughed out loud at that one. Gotta admire an author who knows what he's doing and inserts himself into the story.
The Gerudo Guy said:
I´m going to make a sanity harakiri and ask you Rob for The Other Story. Bring on that Necronomicon and wake our Cthulhu madness!
Greymattersplat said:
What does it say about my soul that these not only don't bother me, but that I find them hilarious? It can't be a good thing, can it? I have yet to read one of these that has actually bothered me, and I think I've read them all now. It's actually the bad spelling and terrible grammar that get me more than anything else, but this guy's grasp of the English language is actually pretty solid.
LeeboZeebo said:
Well, awesome. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain to my wife that I suddenly feel the need to wear a solid steel chastity belt at all times.
LeeboZeebo replied to LeeboZeebo:
"Baby, listen, I'll unlock this thing and take it off the moment you can prove that you DON'T have a spider-lizard dick waiting to emerge from your cootchie business and impregnate me with ass-cocks."
ZADL replied to LeeboZeebo:
Sounds perfectly rational to me.
Zade replied to LeeboZeebo:
Yu, know, I was going to tell you that they don't make anal chastity belts... but go figure, a quick google search proves they do... Good luck with that.
Antipater said:
Yeah the whole talking about how bad this next story is is just a tease. It will be released after a suitable build-up (like Pokemon story) wherein Rob pretends he doesn't want us to see it. Hint: he does. Maybe this is actually doing pyschic harm to me, I recall feeling more distrubed by these last year.
Harry Potter dying from brutal rape and monster insemination just isn't bothering me.
deadlytoque said:
I never got a spam with "engorgio" in the title, but I did get one titled "strongerectus" once.
un lapin replied to deadlytoque:
"Engorgio," by the way, if my new FFF band name.
Brion said:
This is what it feels like... when doves cry.
tvtastegood said:
This was beyond words.
As for the pokemon story I never requested that and ended up reading it anyway and now as a result I no longer carry my pocket knife.
Dork Loser said:
WHOSE RESPONS... ah never mind, it's already old. Seriously though, WTF? I used to think I was deranged. Now I'm convinced I'm fairly normal.
teenie said:
that was pretty bad but seeing as how this exactly... well this pretty much sums up every futanari manga out there...except instead of virgin girls it's virgin guys... anywho I do think it a great tease to say you found something worse than the pokemon story...I think you enjoy watching us beg don't cha Rob?...;-)
Aaron said:
"Surprise Package" shows us exactly how far down the rabbit holes goes; one bizarre twist follows another - egads. Was anyone else reminded of the movies Species, what with the combining of eroticism, horrible monstrosities, and the need to reproduce and biologically dominate?
Thanks, Rob. Ever since rereading "The Pokemon Story," my ability to feel repulsed by sexual depravity has been utterly annihilated. But what I really want to know is, where's "That Other Story???" (Add me to the list of those wanting it posted.)
J M said:
Yeah... I do fanfic reviews too occasionally but this one I didnt even want to read... I'm honestly glad it didnt fit more with the writing style of the books, that always makes things worse for me, as with the Sherlock Holmes deal you did...
Truly wretched stuff.... and who ends up having to fantasize about acid cumming penis monsters? i thought that was only allowed in hentai!
a said:
After reading this story, I finally figured it out.... We're already dead. All. Fucking. Dead.
Kaciel replied to a:
OH LORD YOU'RE RIGHT. This must be hell! We all committed horrible acts during our lives and are now being punished with these horrible fanfics!
Harley Q said:
So THIS is worse than The Pokemon Story for me... XD SO MUCH WORSE!
Alfred Romeu said:
There aren't enough happy thoughts in the ether to combat the very real rape of my literacy today. They don't make emoticons strong enough for this one.
LetoAtrides65 said:
Actually, I have a sneaking suspicion that "the other story" is Girls (Scream) Aloud, a fanfiction that actually got its author arrested. That's the only thing worse than the Pokemon story that I know of.
tasakeru828 replied to LetoAtrides65:
Trust me, I think The Other Story is worse, if it's the one I'm thinking of...
Selaphiel replied to LetoAtrides65:
Arrested?
What?
SafeyDance101 replied to LetoAtrides65:
Yeah, I'm gonna need clarification on this as well. How do you get arrested for writing a fictional story? Was the story a fictionalized re-telling of a crime, which was then used as a confession? Was it written in a country with censorship laws?Help me out here.
Zade replied to SafeyDance101:
Obscenity. Here, there was just an ANN report on something similar. http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2010-02-11/christopher-handley-sentenced-to-6-months-for-obscene-manga
There was 1 lady who got arrested for charging people for stories she wrote about children being raped and used a sex slaves I believe. The dude that made the 2 girls 1 cup even got charged... It actually seems pretty common which is just sad http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obscenity
SafeyDance101 replied to Zade:
Thanks
jeffers replied to SafeyDance101:
A quote from bbc news on the story:
"A crucial aspect of the reasoning that led to the instigation of these proceedings was that the article in question, which was posted on the internet, was accessible to people who were particularly vulnerable - young people who were interested in a particular pop music group"
Because of this they tried to persecute him under the obscene publications act since they believed it could harm children, more due to the groups target audience then the actual content of the story. Interstingly enough he was cleared after the court found that the story could only be found after carrying out a very specific search. Still, doesn't make it any less creepy.
SafeyDance101 replied to jeffers:
Thanks
EazyD replied to SafeyDance101:
The reason the writer of Girls Scream Aloud got arrested was most likely because the victims are real people (the British pop group Girls Aloud). This is the kind of thing that makes people uncomfortable about real person fic - no one arrested the author of say, Agony In Pink. (and at least at the end of Agony In Pink, Lord Zedd and Tortura didn't sell her body parts on Ebay. Yep, that happens in Girls (scream) Aloud.)
That said this story? Easily the most I laughed all night.
Bad Horse replied to LetoAtrides65:
Wouldn't it also be illegal to repost then?
jeffers replied to LetoAtrides65:
Words cannot describe the hatred I feel after being led to that story, thankfully all I saw was a non-explicit summary, but even then it was pretty horrific.
Silly Goose said:
Should I feel bad that the only part of this story that really concerned me was that the author didn't even bother to make up good spells? :(
Good god, I'm already desensitized to fff
BRING ON THE OTHER STORY!!
steen said:
Rapemeat.
RAPEMEAT.
That's about the point I stopped reading.
JeremyA said:
Hermione's spell (""Ycrem On Swonk Egoolps G'nik!") is "King Splooge Knows No Mercy" backwards. Disturbing.
Tragic replied to JeremyA:
Don't forget Harry's anti-anal rape fail: 'Oh God please make it stop!' bwahaha
Terry said:
Something about Dumbledore teaching Harry a spell to prevent you from being coerced physically made me laugh. Like...did he foresee Harry getting violently ass raped by an alien penis?
MKUltra replied to Terry:
Of course he did. He's a twinkly-eyed old man, therefore he can see into the future. How was this not obvious to you?
The Admiral said:
Well, conglaturations to you, Topless Robot. This is the first one I was unable to finish, and not just because it was so damned long (that's what Harry said!). God, I feel violated.
Amanduh said:
"The workers at Harry's shit-factory were killed instantly, and the factory had to be shut down. The nearby town, dependent on the nearby shit-factory for its economy, fell on hard times, and many small businesses closed, especially the shit-related ones."
I'm so glad I'm not reading this at work, because this comment sent me into gales of hysterical laughter. I think that imagining the poor shit-workers lined up at the shit-unemployment office and swallowing their pride enough to apply for jobs at the shit-convenience store distracted me from fully absorbing how awful the rest of the FFF was.
Abraxas said:
so it's like aliens - instead with but bursting cocks. this is wild! and now I need to steal this idea...but how...
mescatraz33 said:
Rob, you seem to relish in having a love/hate relationship with us FFF fans. You know you'll post The Other Story eventually, so why don't you spare us commenters a lot of trouble, and post it next week?
Glutton replied to mescatraz33:
Precisely. Bring it on.
MattK said:
Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived...to Regret Ever Hearing About Hogwarts.
I kinda feel this guy was probably jerking it to some Harry Potter fan fic when Alien came on TV, and then all of a sudden inspiration hit him.
I dare the author to come on here and prove otherwise.
the author replied to MattK:
Actually it was Species
Kotbo said:
...Com'on Rob. don't tease us, it's not nice.
Teasing riles up the masses, and urges some of them to top it. You don't want that to happen no?
So bring on the second story!
Capsulesn'Coffee said:
It's settled. My new band name shall be "The Questing Dicks" that or "Mothers Rapemeat"
Big D said:
I just noticed, those spells used in today's FFF are backwards messages
"Oh God Please Make It Stop."
And
"King Splooge knows no mercy"
Truly he doesn't
Boredlizzie said:
"And I'm not posting it, for your own good, not today, and hopefully not ever."
Stop teasing us or we'll have to sic our Cryptophallids on you. :(
comicshopgrl said:
I didn't find this one too bad since I had just finished reading "Dreamcatcher" by Stephen King. That book begins by some alien thing bursting out of some guys asshole so this is old hat by now.
The Harry Potter fanfic writers are especially messed up. I am still traumatized by the skull fucking one. =(
Snath said:
What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? You can't tell internet nerds about something so atrociously awful and then pussy out and not show it. That's an affront to all that is nerdily holy. Let us punish ourselves!
How about this: just post it, without commentary. That way you don't have to think up anything funny, or be subjected to it again. Just slap it down and let the weeping begin.
cocacolaoso said:
"Harry Potter and the army of Skittering, Chittering, Gibbering Cocks"
or "Harry Potter and the Lovecraftian She-male"
Aw gawd! Go engorgio youserlf King Splooge! JK Rowling, Lovecraft, Toshio Maeda and Junji Ito don't go well together, DAMN IT!
...BUT count my vote for the ominious, joy of life killing, "other" story. (yeah, I'm a curious sick person thanks to FFF!)
anike said:
i'm laughing hysterically right now. and i know it's my instincts keeping me from crying.
i want to know about "the other story" now.
Grimmie said:
Ah, classic FFF. Highly entertaining. Good times, good times...
Mike said:
I only occasionally read the FFF only because I somewhat value my sanity. That all changed after I read the X-Men FFF. My life has never been the same since then. After reading more of the FFF nothing in this world frightens me. I have been desensitized to the point that I do not even filch at Two girls one cup like I used to. Bring on "the Other Story." You have fucked us all up beyond repair by this point, and it is only fair that if this tale of depravity is really as bad as you say that it be the one to finally put us out of our misery. BRING ON "THE OTHER STORY!!!!!!!"
The Man With Two Brains said:
I, for one, couldn't take this seriously long enough to stop laughing.
Oh, also, I'm in the minority that requests that you DON'T post "the Other Story". Some of these regular ones are horrid enough already...
Whoever replied to The Man With Two Brains:
Seconded. By the sounds of it, thousands of nerds around the world will drink the Kool-Aid should the Other Story be re-published.
bookfisher replied to Whoever:
Since this is a run of the mill FFF - with cockspiders that make facehuggers look like pussies* ,I join the Naysayers
*there is a pun in this, is´nt ?
McTool said:
Rob, if you don't want to post The Other Story on the site, at least send it to those of us asking for it via e-mail. INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW.
FireKraken replied to McTool:
Better yet, send it to anyone who requests it, give them all a chance to do a commentary/write-up of it, and give the person with the best entry a T-shirt. You're spared the burden of having to entertain us in spite of your intense disgust, the put-up-or-shut-up crowd gets to walk a mile in your shoes, and someone walks away with a prize. Then you can post their commentary the follwing Friday. Sounds fair. Pussy.
Hyuri replied to FireKraken:
second this :)
Zdenko replied to FireKraken:
Third this. :)
Aaron replied to FireKraken:
Fourth this. :)
Jedisilk replied to Aaron:
sixth this...
crazzaymoe replied to Jedisilk:
seventh this.
Nima replied to crazzaymoe:
No, just post it, up, you don't Have to read it, if you don't want to. I have watched Nightshift Nurses and Bible Black. The Other Story cannot harm me!!!
actually i was pretty disappointed by the Pokemon story. after all that hype, it wasnt such a big deal. most of these just make me laugh. BRING THE DEPRAVITY!!!
(although it is awkward o explain why i'm sitting here giggling like mad(
Ophenix said:
Shit-factory! XD ROFL!
Ok, funniest FFF in months!
Also: "Harry scrambled back from the Lovecraftian horror poking out of Hermione's crotch, plastering himself against the wall in a futile attempt to escape the monstrosity" BEST LINE ON FFF HISTORY!
NameofRain said:
I'm also requesting you, Rob, not to post The Other Story. For once my better judgement has caught up to my curiousity.
Anonymous replied to NameofRain:
But if we all let our better judgment catch up to our curiosity, there won't be ANY more FFF's in the future... that isn't a way to drive web traffic! ;)
Alex said:
This was "Holy Shit this is bad!"
But I still want to read the Other Story. Let's get to petitioning.
Whoever said:
Sweet Jesus. This one hurt.
F said:
I wonder if the author hasn´t been sistematically raped by some dirty old guy while reading Harry Potter.
Sort of like that Brad Pitt and Kevin Bacon movie where he gets fucked as a teenager by all the prision guards and they drive a tonfa up his ass while being obliged to pray Hail Mary.
OH MY GOD. I have myself for writing this.
No, not really...
Eponymous said:
It can't be just me... but I felt like Harry's death was VERY underplayed. I had the impression the spider-cocks were going to eat him. "Rapemeat"? If that's not a foreshadow of an impending feeding frenzy...
I'm also not sure whether to be happy or disturbed that FFF doesn't really bother me. I just laugh it off and douse my brain with scantily clad women from Google Images for about 20 minutes whenever I finish reading one of these piles of depravity...
Lastly... Rob...
Bring.
It.
On.
The thought of "The Other Story" doesn't scare me... I'm sure I could come up with something far worse if I sat down over the weekend with that goal...
Anne Packrat said:
How jaded am I that my only reaction to shit like this is to laugh my ass off?
Hruder said:
I have just one phobia and thats parasitophobia...my skin is crawling right now. That was brain rape
Bring on The Other Story, we wants it!
Magicsgame said:
I fucking hate you, Rob. I really do.
As I finished a test, I left the building to realize it was snowing. It rarely snows here, and it was really coming down. To my delight, it stuck as well. I happily drove home, just planning to mess around in the snow before taking a nice warm nap.
Then I remembered about FFF. So, I decided to read this story. I got vivid futa, mpreg, and MC. And you taunted me by saying you found a fanfic to top The Pokemon Story.
I hate you.
Prophet for Profit said:
POST THE CONTROVERSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tai said:
The Other Story, hmmm... Rob, you mention it and you expect us to say "Hey, since you say it's awful, we don't want to read it.", but really? Bring it on. My after-trauma therapy will consist of more peaceful FFFs and HK/SW horror you posted earlier.
Meanwhile, I'll be laughing that the author managed to get Ron almost in-character. Mexican food, the new lube! Oh my.
sashaisme said:
I laughed my ass off... AGAIN!
*shudder* somethin's wrong with me...
SpiderHyphenMan said:
Can you at least tell us what fandom it belongs to (Harry Potter, Pokemon, etc.)?
Mech5 said:
I've seen enough futanari doujins to think I could handle such things, but at least in those stories, it's (most of the time) an actual human penis. This was just disturbing as hell.
Slightly Illegal said:
"Engorgio!"
Derek said:
Please tell us ANYTHING about "the other story"... title, author, subject... SOMETHING.
King Splooge Knows No Mercy.... neither should you!
JOBSQUAD said:
The thirst quenching 7-11 big gulp:
GULP ON IT!!!!!
jolly bitch said:
Does anyone remember the south park episode when mr garrison had his penis regrown on the back of a nude mouse and it escaped and ran amuck all over town? Thats all i could visualize and it had me laughing till my sides hurt. I guess the sickness doesnt shock me anymore. Either that or i'm now as mentally ill as the authors. One or the other, its a toss up.
Uridium said:
The workers at Harry's shit-factory were killed instantly, and the factory had to be shut down. The nearby town, dependent on the nearby shit-factory for its economy, fell on hard times, and many small businesses closed, especially the shit-related ones.
Great... now my GF wants to know what I'm laughing at... what the hell do I tell her?
Sevenvoices said:
I actually got teary eyed...that was horrible!
One thing though...How come He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, didn't think about using Cryptophallid first! That could have been a more practical way to kill Harry AND take over Hogwarts.
Anonymous said:
Hermione's penis is a "Lovecraftia horror"? It squirts pea soup? Skittering arachnid cocks? BEST FFF EVER!!!
Please show me The Other Story. I think I would love it.
Kurono K said:
This was lulzy, nearly died at the big gulp.
That being said, you already know the posting of The Other Story is inevitable Rob. Bring it on.
Poopenshaft said:
Harry Potter male pregnecy? Check. Character derailment on Hermoine? Check. Ron getting raped in the ass? Check. It's like a "best of" album for shitty HP stories. The only thing it's missing is architectural tentacle rape.
Adam said:
Okay, but what's up with her having a reptillian smile? I mean- what give King Splooge? You introduce the idea of crypto-youreasickfuck-whatever, but don't explain the context?
And for the record- everyone knows Mexican induced diarrhea trumps acidic shemale ass polyps.
I call Shenanigans King Splooge!
Adam said:
Okay, but what's up with her having a reptillian smile? I mean- what gives King Splooge? You introduce the idea of crypto-youreasickfuck-whatever, but don't explain the context?
And for the record- everyone knows Mexican induced diarrhea trumps acidic shemale ass polyps.
I call Shenanigans King Splooge!
aayjay said:
Quite the lulz.
"magical fuckjuice."
I need to find a way to work that phrase into more conversations..
Blargh said:
Also, Rob, you can't possibly think that we're NOT going to ask for your little other story. If you're trying to get an excuse to post something that livid, you'd better understand that it's your fault for telling us about it in the first place.
You have no idea what crushing disappointment I felt when I realized this week's FFF wasn't what you were leading up to. And honestly, that was a pretty weak one. It was gross, yes, but really... meh. Give us something that's actually horrible, kay?
RubyRoses said:
I'm guessing if there's going to be a chapter three it's about the other houses getting violated...):
I just kept thinking "god she's such a bitch", which I guess kind of fits?
And like...WHERE THE FUCK WERE THE TEACHERS!? Snape generally wanders the halls, and sure he's not a big Harry fan, but surely he could stop the crazy bitch?
wasn't anyone like "Hey, Harry's looking, kind of... preggers?", "maybe something seriously fucked up is going on...?"
Like Jesus fucking christ.
demoncat said:
omg. i always figured Harry and Hermonie would do the nasty if Jk let them. but not like this for Harry being raped and then doing an alien thing and Hermonie turning out to be some new form of hermaprodite alien hybrid . and then the rest of hogwarts raped so more of the things can spawn. the author must really dislike harry and jk rolling . and almost makes me wonder what the fff story that is worse then the pokemon one is.
RubyKavalier said:
This story hurt me in a way that no other FFF has. Not even the Pokemon or the Care Bears or even the Wolverine/Jean/Scott story hurt me quite like this.
I'll just be in the corner crying, thanks.
Invader Toph said:
Is it sad that I actually found this funny? I think I may be numb to the FFF. I say bring on The Other Story. I think I can take it!
pollardy said:
ahem "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
-ps whenever your around to it post the horrible one >>
rickicker said:
the fact that i laughed through the majority of the FFF was a crushing evidence that my soul has been long gone from this world.
but the fact that i had a reaction when harry's ass blew up shows that there might still be hope for me. so rob, let me thank you for posting this story with a courteous and hearty AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH!!
Ace of Knaves said:
*Sigh,* Rob, if you really didn't want to post The Other Story, you wouldn't have told us you'd found it in the first place.
Scortia said:
Your warnings about "Other Story" seem like a challenge to me. :) I had to pause while reading the Pokemon fanfic once or twice, but I finished. It's like sitting through a really scary horror movie then getting to brag that you did it. My group of friends that read your site all joke about how badass we are that we finished this or that FFF. Don't spoil the fun.
Tehrin said:
The descritpions of the Crypto-whats-its read like a nature documentary FROM HELL.
Bad Brendan said:
I cant help but wonder if Rob sends the names and E-mail address's of the authors of these FFF to the Government to be placed on a "LIST"
I stopped reading this one when i realized (first line) that it involved the Pre-pubescent Hermione. I guess I’m just a prude……
Next weeks Harry Potter and the hunt for Hemoine’s Hymen. “ Someone vandalized what ?” Exclaimed Harry
Steve C. said:
I adored the shit out of this story. It's got magical fuckjuice and rape and exploding asses and monsters that sound like something out of a Frank Henenlotter film. Both my wife and I died laughing. I seriously wonder about the tattered condition of our souls, but whatever.
Also, yeah. The Other Story. Must to see now. You cannot hurt me - my soul is tempered in hellfire, shit and greasepaint.
redrover said:
Wait... this story was a bit confusing. I think visual aids would greatly benefit everyone's enjoyment of the story.
Jedisilk said:
Steve C's wife: I wonder about people who read this and were scarred. Could they not see the unholy glory that was King Splooge ? The care bear story made my childhood cry...Hermione being a total dom in the bedroom? totally believable...being a hermaphrodite bent on magical world domination...even more so. I love King Splooge. He may be equal to ComicsNix...we shall see.
Bring on the "other story."
Kayla said:
Lol this is hilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.
Bring on the other one.
I LOLed said:
"Also, I can't seem to stop crying."
Yeah, whatever you say, buddy.....seriously? I must be WAAAAAAAAAYYYY more desensitized than you to this sort of shit. That was fookin' hilarous!
Superjoe said:
Bah. Rob you lost your touch. If this new story is that bad then bring it on. Until then,I shall not fear your meager attempts at fan-fiction horror.
Anonymous said:
Did any one else notice that the fake spells Harry and Hermione try are backwards phrases?
"Pots ti Ekam Esaelp Dog Ho!"
Oh god please make it stop
"Ycrem On Swonk Egoolps G'nik!
King Splooge knows no mercy
Wow, he put his own name in the story? His creativity knows no bounds...
zsasz replied to Anonymous:
yeah i noticed that...pretty nice touch.
Tacbot89 said:
Fuck man! That made my soul and ass hurt. . .
Please don't run the other story, I'm fearful that I'm to weak to survive it with my soul intact.
Lauren said:
Oh sweet Jesus....a lot of you must be seriously desensitized because I thought this was definitely one the worst, if not the worst. If The Other Story is worse than this...I might have to off myself.
Jordan said:
My favorite part was the word "rapemeat" now there is a band name if i ever heard one
Super King said:
Somebody should find out who makes this kind of shit up and interview them. Then write a book containing short bios of the 'top' fan-fiction writers,and attempting to find out what fucked them up.
The book could also inform potential parents of things/experiences that they should prevent happening to their kids, so they don't end up making sick fan-fiction.
I would find that fascinating.
Postscript: I think I am officially brain-dead after reading this weeks story.
Zortt1 said:
As one who casually walks through the FFF horror zone, and just reads your comments and tries to piece the story together based on those, I did read the entirety of the Pokemon story because of how horrifying it was.
I do eagerly await the horrors of "The Other Story."
Although part of me thinks its the story that the Whose Responsible This guy was supposed to write about Rob. And that guy does insanely twisted things to him.
Canadian Scott said:
Two Things got to me in this was...
"He scrambled back from the Lovecraftian horror poking out of Hermione's crotch.."
And Rob's response to this statement.
"So, Hermione's vagina was the Chamber of Secrets all along?"
I read these things for comments and bizarre statements like this!
jamie said:
BRING IT
Kevin said:
Please JK Rowling, you seriously need to crack down on people writing stories with your licensed characters.
Honestly, who reads Harry Potter and goes "Well, this is pretty good, but you know what it could use? Some magic-demon, prison-style anal rape!"
Grady said:
Can I be a voice of reason that begs you Rob to NOT cave into peer pressure and NOT post The Other Story? Please?
Sassette said:
You think if we start the letter-writing campaign now, WB will film this as a special feature for the DVD of the last movie?
Reese said:
Rob... you know you're going to have to post the other story now. You just know it.
Karnasaur said:
Regarding "The Other Story," at least tell us who's in it.
radar replied to Karnasaur:
I wonder, do I really want to see "The other one"
I doubt it's agony in pink, that's a pretty famous one.
I concur with Karnasaur though.
akiratrooper said:
...What is this King Splooge smoking while writing this?!
I need to have access to it.
Pandora's Homeobox said:
Dibs on 'Magical Fuckjoice' for my rock band.
chudleycannonfodder said:
BWHAHAHAHAHA.
King Splooge was banned from deviantart. Perminately. You've got to be pretty f'ed up for that to happen.
Oh, and I hope there's a third chapter. I want Cedric to get assraped by demon-penises.
And yes, I forty-second that you need to post "The Other Story." (which I am currently imagining features Ben Linus telling Locke "What puppy? What puppy?!" in reference to a penis. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5jcnlaudq8 )
Oh, or maybe Richard Alpert being ass-raped by the smoke monster for a century straight.
If you don't want me write those and submit them to you, post the other story.
Lo Pan said:
Tuo Seye Ym Bats To Emit!!!!!
radar replied to Lo Pan:
You failed the spell there, it's ot, not to.XD
Keiko said:
Tell me I was not the only one who noticed that the spells were:
"Oh god please make it stop!"
and
"King Splooge knows no mercy!" ?
because that really made this story for me. Utterly fantastic if I do say so myself.
Myriam said:
Okay, one - 43rded on Other Story (thanks for counting, chudley). Two, this one had me giggling madly the entire time, long before the collapse of the shit factory. I'm a girl, so I giggled at this, because it just reminded me of Teeth. Yeah, the movie. I shake my head in pity of your poor male selves, tormented by the freaky scaly acid-spewing dicks.
Incidentally, if the story about the main KH villain (I think this was KH1, so Xehanort) being a giant penis hydra (seriously, just search "Jump on the hydra's back" for the sporking) wasn't so inherently comical, I'd have guessed it. I'm in agreement on 10-bucks-for-Kingdom Hearts; maybe it's that Guro story with Axel and Demyx (search Stick it in the valve; you'll probably find the sporking first, but whatever). On the other hand, why WOULD it be Agony in Pink? They mentioned it without crying themselves to sleep on another TR article saying about all the stuff Power Rangers did to fandom. I want to know what is so god awful that it's NOT FUNNY and is also cry-worthy. Naga Eyes? It's biologically retarded, but the author takes herself so seriously that it has a level of nasty. Especially since she bitched and tried to defend her vore from sporkers. (It's on y!gallery, I think.) Maybe it's Inuyasha - it's rare that I find such vindicative hate and torture fic accepted so publicly outside of that fandom's tendencies to loathe Kikyo and/or Kagome. Maybe it's a fanfic related to the spawn of The Venom Cock - just a world of loathesome disgust and female circumcision made even worse.
Magicsgame replied to Myriam:
Googled the KH fanfics, couldn't find them.
I need my badfics.
Ember said:
The Pokémon story made me laugh. Sure, it was horrifying, but that was part of the fun.
Bring on the Other story.
Anonymous said:
I say bring on this 'Other Story' I first came here on the dawn of 'The Pokemon Story' and was unaware of just how horrible writing could really be. But I read it all on my first run through because it was a matter of honor. I will not allow myself to be defeated by the authors of these stories. FFF is like mental terrorism so if you don't post it and let us read it then the terrorists win. Considering how bad you make it out to be the terrorists may win anyways but I would rather die fighting then close my eyes and pretend that it didn't exist.
Ubiquitous said:
The really creepy part about this is that I was simlutaneously watching The Chamber of Secrets while I read this. The crowning moment was when the car came into the woods to rescue Harry and Ron right when I reached the part where Hermione grew a penis.
aayjay said:
Wow.
I read this yesterday but I finally figured out what's been bugging me about it.
It's Harry/Hermione.
That's just wrong.
x said:
PLEASE DO NOT POST THE OTHER STORY
BECAUSE I WILL READ IT
AND THEN PROBABLY CRY
:(
J M said:
Youre all knackered. Not only is the mystery fanfic coming up, but I just sent Rob 3 video game fanfics. I wont spoil the surprise, but I will warn you:
The one where a guy is impregnated by another guy (who has been dead for years) is the tamest of them.
Myst said:
Bring on the other story!
Frank "Grayhawk" Huminski said:
I will be projecting the author's face onto the body of everything I kill in WoW all weekend.
Sweet Merciful Cthulhu, please make it go away...
Anonymous said:
that last line was amazing.
ps post the other story
Runeteller said:
How'd I get that image out of my mind... I thought of Lady Gaga.... and realized this wasnt quite as bad I was even able to down a little taco bell afterwards...
13luemoons said:
Bring it Rob... This was actually quite hilarious, though at first, I thought that you meant that this was the one that was worse.
If I know you, you would think that this is worse than the Pokemon Story...
Oh well... I guess I'm like 20thed?
Martha said:
This is acctually funny.. Bring the other story pleaseeee
Kuro said:
Is it wrong that I found the term "Cryptosplooge" to be absolutely, utterly hilarious?
Nevertheless, I don't think I'll be able to watch my Harry Potter DVDs for a while now....
soulless1 said:
Couldn't. Stop. Laughing!
More FFF!
neuv (hayley) said:
bring on the other story.
i was LAUGHING. really? cock monsters? been there, done this. there's too many mpreg and chick con penis stories out there.
sure the monster penis and burning semen was an interesting twist, but still the same old song and dance.
J M replied to neuv (hayley):
Fun fact: When you call anything that occurs in a FFF story "the same old song and dance" you're automatically signed up for a government sterilization list.
TDH said:
C'mon, bring on The Other Story.
Screampants said:
Well, seeing as how I have read every single FFF up to this point without throwing up, going on drinking binges, or murdering everyone and everything in sight I have come to the conclusion that I have no soul. Thank you so very much for helping me realize that.
rosina rubylips said:
I dunno, I kinda like this one.
P.S. Other Story, please!
A Guy said:
I never post, mainly because I don't need to. But when I heard they're is a story your not posting, well I couldn't NOT chime in.
BRING IT ON
damonika said:
Ok. I'm surprised I wasn't laughing in my house! WORST HARRY POTTER FF EVER!
Red Wing said:
Whose responsible this?!
No serioulsly, who is.
Also I want to read the other story...
It can't possibly be worse that Agony in Pink or Celeibrian or Cloud Mows the Lawn or Sonichu which isn't a fanfic but still bad nonetheless.
Jake said:
Best troll-fic I've ever read. I couldn't stop laughing. This was written to make fangirls cry.
Oliver said:
You just killed my hard on...you're gonna pay for that...bitch
Alder Knight said:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
Kaitlyn said:
;D I'm drawing the monster penises now.
I will then proceed to leave print-outs of them, along with the story, in every single Harry Potter book in the library.
Gamemjoe said:
So, Harry gets anally raped and gives birth (through the ass) to Mara from SMT?
...'Tis nothing. I've had worse.
King Splooge said:
Hot damn, I'm famous!
Thefrightningdoor said:
Oh dear lord. Haven't laughed that hard since squid x hogwarts.
LittlebitLost said:
*sigh* Well, I just discovered this site. And I read The Other story just before this. Suffice to say that I liked this one so much more that the other one has been wiped completely from my mind. I have to go now and read something ordinary like Hermione/Snape to get my head back in any recognizable shape.
The Rod said:
Successful troll is successful. There is no Other Story.
lastcrazyhorn said:
OMBobz. *blinks* Where do you find this crack?
fustilug said:
Oooohhh, this would make a wicked awesome SciFi/Horror movie!! It would follow the vein of 'Teeth' and 'Tetsuo'!!!
Also... "Wholesale Rape" is Awesome Band Name #42.
Anonymous said:
This gave me a raging hardon. Going to find some more Hermione-rapes-Harry-and-penises-burst-out-of-his-ass porn now.
