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Lois Lane had been working hard on the farm all day and she stunk to high heaven. She put down the shovel and walked into the Kent house. She knew no one else was home, so she began taking off her clothes as she walked up the stairs. By the time she reached the bathroom, her tank top and short jean shorts had been removed, and she was just in her polkadot bra and panties. In a matter of minutes, those were gone too. She turned on the bath water almost as hot as it could go. Steam began to fill the room. Lois began undoing her braided pigtails. With her hair let down and Lois Lane in all her glory, she admired herself in the mirror. She had a damn good body and she knew it. Her large breasts were perky, and the nipples were a tan-brown and puffed out just enough.Oh, lord. Puffed out enough for what? I'm truly glad my mind cannot provide me with answers (if you have some theories, feel free to not share them with me in the comments). You know, let's just continue this after the jump.
Her tight pussy had a small patch of dark brown pubes above it, just enough for her lover to admire. The room was getting very steamy now and she was ready for her bath.I tried to make sense of what the hell Superman181 means by "just enough for her lover to admire" line way, way too long, and I wept. Big, bitter tears.
Lois stepped into the bath leg by leg, and slowly edged her sweaty body into the water. The heat fluxuated throughout her body providing deep pleasure. She reached over and got some bubble bath to add. She mixed it into the water, creating the perfect sensual setting. She spread her legs wide and relaxed in the bath tub. Lois began calming herself and thinking of all her dreams and desires. Clark came to mind. She always teased Clark and was even quite mean at times. This was all to cover up the fact that she secretly wanted to fuck his brains out. Lois began massaging her twat nipples.Typo, or total misunderstanding of the female erogenous zones? You make the call!
They got hard and perky as she pinched and tweaked them. She kept her left hand massaging her breast as she lowered the right one into the water, down her silky naval, and to her sweet sex. She gently massaged the labia, imagining Clark completely naked. She imagined Clark's large, hard cock and she rubbed her pussy lips faster and faster. She imagined it going inside her tight cunt and she started fingering herself. She tweaked and pinched her clit and pictured Clark fucking her in all sorts of positions. She gave out moans and gasps until eventually she came in the bathwater. Lois was breathing very heavily afterwards. She took a deep sniff in, and the room reaked of wet pussy. Lois was by no means lesbian, but she loved the scent of pussy.Well. Glad that's cleared up. Because I very much would have assumed that meant she was a lesbian.
Lois finished bathing herself and got out of the water. She dried off her delicious body with her red towel. She knew no one was home, and wouldn't be home for a while, so she walked into Mrs. Kent's bedroom and laid down on the comfy matress nude.But she's not a lesbian.
Lois was in a very relaxed mood. She almost fell asleep. Then her nosy side got the best of her. She started walking around in Mrs. Kent's bedroom to see what she could find. She didn't find much in the closet, just clothes and other various odds and ends. She looked in the drawers and found about the same. She did however find Mrs. Kent's pantie drawer. She took a glance around to make sure no one was home, just to be safe, and she put a pair of Mrs. Kent's panties up to her nose and took a deep wiff.
Oh, the scent was heavenly.But she's not a lesbian.
Lois realized her action was very perverse, and quickly threw the panties back into the drawer and tried to close it. Something was jamming it however. She fished through the panties to find none other than a large, ruby red, silicon dildo. Lois had a few ideas what to do with this.I'm pretty sure she has just one idea.
Lois laid on the bed and rammed the dildo into her pussy. She thrust and thrust as she started to think about Clark. But her thoughts drifted to Mrs. Kent. She didn't even care, to her, pleasure was pleasure. She was fucking herself with the dildo, when she decided to increase the pleasure a little more. She took the dildo that had some of her pussy juices on it, and slowly began shoving it into her ass.I stand corrected. She had a second idea.
If her nectar hadn't provided some lubrication, she probably couldn't have gotten it in. With her left hand she thrust the dildo in and out of her ass, while rubbing her pussy with her right hand. She imagined taking a steamy shower with Mrs. Kent. She thought of Mrs. Kent nibbling and sucking at her clit.You know, despite the third person omniscient narrator's assurances, I'm beginning to doubt Lois' heterosexuality.
Between the buttfucking and fingerfucking, Lois came all over her fingers. She lifted her fingers up and sucked all the cum off. She had to admit it was delicious. Lois settled down on the bed and spread her legs wide in tranquility. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. A few minutes after Lois was out like a light, a small jingle bell could be heard jingling down the hallway. It was Shelby. The dog's keen sense of smell seemed to pick up on the balm of Lois's damp vagina.Wait. Shelby? The Kent's have a dog named Shelby? Because fucking Lois would seem like a more appropriate job for Krypto, don't you think?
Shelby got next to the bed and began licking at the dildo. The dog liked what it tasted and wanted more. He began sniffing around. There, a mere foot or two away was the source of it all. The dog lifted it's front body up on the bed. It kept sniffing closer and closer to Lois's pussy. Finally the dog started licking and slurping at Lois's juices. The dog kept going and going. Lois started talking in her sleep and tossing and stiring. "Hehe, stop it Chloe. Haha, Chloe that tickles, stop. We're cousins, this is wrong," giggled Lois. Finally Lois awoke and looked down to see Shelby licking her pussy. Lois backed up in disgust. "Ewww, Shelby, what the fuck!?!?!" screamed Lois. The dog jumped up on the bed and it's force knocked Lois back down on the bed.Bad dog! Bad!
"Shelby, get the fuck off!" screamed Lois. The dog just kept humping her and humping her. The dog managed to get it's penis into Lois's vagina.Now, in order to figure out what was going on, I image-searched Shelby to find out why Lois is have such a darned time trying to keep the dog from raping her. I was expecting a big German Shepard or a Rottweiler or something, and instead I discover this:
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Lois kept trying to force the dog off, but she couldn't. The dog kept thrusting it's cock into Lois and growling and barking. Lois was completely appaled... but it actually started to feel good.Of course it did.
The dog had a large cock and it actually felt good especially at the pace it was going. "No, I don't like this, this is gross," said Lois. She couldn't hide her feelings any longer. No matter how disgusting it was, it felt good. No, it felt great. Lois started letting out moans and other signs of pleasure. Shelby started going even faster and then it shot it's gooey white liquid into Lois.Someone needs to teach the dog how to finish like a professional porn star.
The cum just kept on coming. Lois cringed and gripped the bed as this sensation was intense, she orgasmed and started bursting out cum of her own. The gooey substance was overflowing in Lois and it all slushed and glurped out of her pussy.
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The dog finished and got off of the bed. Lois still had a smirk of intense pleasure on her face. Shelby lifted himself back on the bed again and started licking up all the cum on the bed and in Lois's pussy. Lois grabbed her thighs and spread them wide giving Shelby better access. "Oh god, faster!" shouted Lois.
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Shelby was finally finished and left the room. Lois was very pleased. She had to try that again, most definately.And she does, in chapter 2. But since we've already read about that particular pairing, why don't we skip ahead -- but not too far ahead, because you can't miss this:
Then Shelby barked and got off Lois. "NO!" screamed Lois, as she had not achieved orgasm yet. Shelby nudged open the screen door and ran outside. Lois slid up her panties and let her tanktop drop into place. "GET BACK HERE AND FUCK ME!" shouted Lois, opening the door and running outside."GET BACK HERE AND FUCK ME!" shouted Lois to the dog. Where the hell is Clark's superhearing during all of this?
She followed Shelby outside to see a glosious site. She looked into the barn to see horses, cows, and lots of other animals. To her right was the field of crops. She looked into it and saw corn, cucumbers, carrots, squash, even bananas. A large smirk lit up on Lois's face. Lois was going to have the time of her life!You know, I'm a little fuzzy on Smallville's continuity, but is Lois a reporter? Is this for some kind of Daily Planet article on the best things around the house to insert into your vagina or something? Also, the Kents grow corn, cucumbers and fucking bananas? Man, how can I possibly be aroused when I know there's no way the Kents could live in a climate that would allow all of these types of produce to grow in the same environment? Superman181, for shame.
Lois went down the porch steps and began walking to the right, into the crop field. She was already getting horny at the sight of all the different things she could fit into her tight pussy. What to try first? Corn, Carrots, Cucumbers, Squash, Bananas? All looked tasty for her sexual appetite. Lois went back inside furiously looking for a basket. Sure enough she found one. Lois went back outside and began picking one of each various crop. Lois was so excited, as she should be.YES, AS SHE SHOULD BE.
Lois went happily back into the house with her basket of sex food. Lois set the basket down on the kitchen table, and laid down across it. Lois pulled her panties down to her ankles and spread her legs a little. She had no clue where to begin. Lois closed her eyes, reached into the basket, and pulled an item at random. Lois pulled out the banana. "Hmm, this will be ok to start off," said Lois touching the end of the banana to her pussy. Lois opened her pussy lips and shoved the banana in. "OH!" Lois let out in pleasure. The banana felt amazing.Of course the banana felt amazing, it's just been shoved into Erica Durance's vagina. That's like winning the lottery for a banana.
It's octagonal peel was spreading Lois's pussy in a way it hadn't been spread before. It was new and different. Lois thrust the banana faster and faster. Lois pulled the banana out of her vagina and grabbed another item from the basket. It was the shuck of corn. Lois knew this one would feel very interesting. Sure enough, it did. Having each individual piece of corn brush past her clitoris felt amazing.Even if she's not writing an article, Lois has a reporter's desire for knowledge.
Lois demanded double penetration though. She grabbed the carrot stalk from the basket. She tried to fit it into her tiny asshole, but it wouldn't go naturally. Lois pulled the corn from her pussy, and put the carrot in. She made sure to lather the carrot in her pussy juices before attempting again. The slick carrot spread her asshole nicely. Lois placed the shuck of corn back into her tight vagina. She had one hand on the corn and one hand on the carrot, and began pumping them both back and forth. "OH GOD!" screamed Lois in ecstacy. She came furiously onto the corn. She squished the corn out of her pussy, a nice strand of goop attached.The best part here is knowing that some of you have kids, and tonight at dinner, some of these kids will say "I don't want to eat my vegetables." You'll be about to say something, then you'll think of today's FFF, you'll get nauseous, and you will let your kids skip right to dessert. These children can email their thanks to me at toplessrobot@gmail.com.
Lois was panting, but looked into the basket and knew she was not done yet. Lois grasped the round base of the squash, and lunged the rest of it into her deep hole. Her asshole begrudgingly accepted it's visitor."The place is filthy, but please, come in."
Her asshole was spread like it hadn't been before. Lois grabbed the cucumber from the basket, leaving it empty. "Well this one will be fun, it even has 'cum' in it's name," laughed Lois.Lois has a fucking terrible sense of humor.
The cucumber almost pained Lois to put in. It was so huge and her pussy was so small. But she just kept on forcing it in. Lois began to gather a momentum with it and continued thrusting it. The squash was making nice suction sounds as it pumped her asshole. Lois couldn't believe how big her holes were spread, but she had to admit, it made her feel like a dirty whore.Interestingly, it actually makes her a dirty whore, regardless of whether she feels like one or now.
And oh god did that turn her on. Lois was having fantasies about very disturbing, kinky things.Lois has a squash and a cucumber in her lower orifices, and earlier had sex with a goldern retriever. I have no desire to know what Lois at this point considers "disturbing" or "kinky."
She wanted someone to cum on her face so bad. Sadly, no one was there to do that. She desired cum on her face, in her mouth, filling her slit, and covering her hair.Shelby? Shelby! C'mere, boy!
Lois burst all over the cucumber. Lois took the crops out and put them back in the basket. Lois was tired, her pussy had had all it could take today. She would have to experiment with the barn animals another time. Lois went upstairs and laid down.
Hours later, both Clark and Martha came home. Their noisy chatter downstairs woke Lois up. Lois came downstairs and saw Clark sitting at the dinner table and Martha up by the sink and basket of crops in an apron. Clark was eating a salad. "Oh, Lois, you're a doll," began Martha, "not only did you get all these crops for me, but you washed them too. We came inside to see this basket of fruits and vegetables wet from just being washed." "Hehe......yeah," said Lois reluctantly. "This salad is amazing Mom," said Clark, "I dunno what you put in it, but whatever it is, I want to eat it all the time."
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Lois just kind of stood there. She didn't know whether to laugh or feel disgusted.TAKE A GUESS, SLUTPUPPY. Alas, although there's one more chapter, it doesn't involve Lois trying out the barnyard animals with the same methodical experimentation as the "crops;" it introduces Clark's cousin Lara, who Lois immediately tells the American custom is for girls to shower together, and abruptly ends. Hopefully, Superman181 will be back to finish his opus, although he's busy with many other stories, including Olivia Munn and Morgan Webb from G4 going at it, a story where Izzy from Grey's Anatomy fucks her dead fiancé, and a little tale titled "Veronica Mars Gets Gangraped." He may be busy for a while.
98 comments
Comments
tasakeru828 said:
Lois Land, Rob? Really? Are you more drunk than usual today?
Whoever replied to tasakeru828:
After reading this, I wouldn't blame him.
Whoever said:
The first half of it was kind of "meh". Badly written, not very original, but no big deal as far as FFF goes. Then the dog came. Literally. And I started sobbing.
Stacey said:
Thank god she only used vegetables I don't eat.. not that she'd put sprouts and cauliflower in there.. or would she? :(
And aside from the vegetables... OMG the dog! I want to cry
radar replied to Stacey:
You could make anal beads from sprouts I suppose, using tauge as a string....
radar said:
I already had diner, and I can say I`m glad it was meat lover's pizza
Dog_Of_Thunder said:
I...I need a new gamertag....I can't look at it without throwing up in my mouth a little...it started out so tame and then became SO wrong.
WRY said:
WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No veggies for me!
stewbacca said:
Seems like a really long setup for one punchline..
pieful35 said:
Slush Puppie!... never having one of those again
The Admiral replied to pieful35:
I was just thinking, "Who wants a banana Slush Puppie?" I sure as fuck don't.
"Her tight pussy had a small patch of dark brown pubes above it, just enough for her lover to admire" - I hope Shelby, the ruby red dildo and the fruits & vegetables gave those pubes the admiration they deserve.
Niner said:
not as bad as some of the past ones at least.....
thewalkindude said:
You know, I was thinking that this wasn't so bad right up until the canine penetration. I totally wasn't prepared for "Lois Fucks the Produce Aisle" though. I never realized just how many vegetables are phallic in nature before.
theBRUCE said:
you know what I'm just gonna stay away from food all together. And water I was hoping water wasn't gonna be ruined in this but has been. Thanks FFF I'll be dead in like a week
Raze said:
While I'm firmly in the anti-beastiality camp, there's something not horrible to be said for a FFF that depicts Erica Durance mastubating herself to orgasm. This one was a lightweight.
But the use of the Slush Puppy pic made me lose my shit, so totally worth it.
Chuck G said:
I refresh TR all day Friday waiting for the FFF post to show up... you have made me into a very disturbed individual. After the last two FFFs, this one was kinda like reading 'The Monster At The End Of This Book'-- I kept on waiting for it to be really scary and horrible, but it was just ol' Shelby and some produce. I didn't even bat an eye.
Neuronin said:
Is it wrong that, everything else aside, the question I keep coming back to is "Why is Lois Lane doing field work at the Kent place?"
Lo Pan said:
"And thats how babies are made, Bananapuppy!"
Woof!
Farglesnarf replied to Lo Pan:
._. Oh god, now there's a mental image...
willroyboy said:
what's really bad about this is that i've been on a diet lately that i've had a hard time adjusting to. And now thanks to you it just got harder.........the diet, not my penis.
ZADL said:
After the Care Bears FFF, I've been frightened to read any, but the Robocop/Batman one was genius, and while this one is tame in comparison, it has made me feel a bit more comfortable reading these again. You're just softening us up for something really nasty, aren't you Rob? Aren't you? o\_/o
Bad Horse said:
This is several orders of magnitude less horrible than many of the recent FFFs, simply by virtue of mostly being the product of a consenting human.
PlaidStallions said:
"her basket of sex food"
Marvin_Gardens replied to PlaidStallions:
That's probably the most hilarious thing I've ever read.
Bad Horse said:
This is several orders of magnitude less horrible than many of the recent FFFs, simply by virtue of mostly being the product of a consenting human.
Bad Horse replied to Bad Horse:
Consenting live-action adult human, I mean.
Raine said:
I think I just threw up in mouth...
Max Power said:
I find the fact that she neglected to sanitize the vegetables pre-insertion to be particularly disturbing.
Alex said:
At least these plants could not feel.
Wildthing said:
Slush Puppy is ruined. Forever. Well done Rob, I hope your proud.
Kayla said:
Oh god.
A dog? Fucks her?
Though back to the beginning of the story with the "twat nipples"- I was really hoping the author just forgot to say "and" between those two words. Then I was thinking oh, maybe a twat nipple is a way to say clitoris?
But then in the next sentence, he says that Lois reaches down to her sex. I was very confused to the point of yelling at my screen.
Also this man obviously has a very limited knowledge of female anatomy. She can come just by rubbing her labia? Which labia? Cuz the mental image I got was her essentially slapping her meat curtains like her pussy was a boat and her hand was the propeller.
I hope this was not the image the "author" was trying to convey? Or rather, that would be pretty hilarious so I do actually kind of hope that's what he was trying to say.
The Admiral replied to Kayla:
I kinda think he/she meant "taut nipples." Because otherwise I just can't go on anymore.
Snoodle said:
She squished the corn out of her pussy, a nice strand of goop attached.
*gags uncontrollably*
Magicsgame said:
"Lois was by no means lesbian, but she loved the scent of pussy."
Everyone loves pussy.
I'm just waiting for a REALLY horrible fic. I think Rob's luring us into a false sense of security.
Magicsgame replied to Magicsgame:
Oh, and:
""Well this one will be fun, it even has 'cum' in it's name," laughed Lois."
Scortia said:
I will take that challenge and eat a salad for dinner!
Really, totally jaded to these tamer FFFs. You've ruined me, Rob.
Sean said:
What has FFF ruined for me today?
Vegetables
Salad
Dogs
Farms
Farm animals
Newspapers
Superman
Slush Puppies
Golden Retrievers
Martha Kent (seriously, she has a dildo? That's like my mother-in-law having....oh god, I'm going to be sick...)
massolit said:
meh...too tame. cannot compare to teh awesomeness of last week's batman v. robocop!
c'mon rob! you need to post these earlier. would like to starty day with fff rather than finish it!
Chronotyrant said:
I'm with everyone else here. You are just throwing us some softball FFF's so you can drop a bomb on us. A bomb made of distilled sorrow, sickness, and depravity. Just for that I'm preemptively going to drink myself into oblivion. How do you like those apples Rob?
Batzarro said:
The sad part probably is Clark knew of this at some level and still let her mom eat Lois' juices. Is that truth, justice and the American way?
Poopenshaft said:
Given the FFFs we've seen lately, I was expecting something far worse. It was still funny, thoug. Especially the slush puppy.
pumpkinguts said:
Mans best friend indeed!
NameofRain said:
WHY ROB WHY?!?
Okay, this more than makes up for last week's fairly tame one. I don't know what was worse, the story, or the commentary. When I saw that Slush Puppy picture, I had to cover my eyes and go watch my fishtank for awhile. I got to the point where the Kents come back and see the basket of veggies and had to stop. I KNOW they're going to cook them and eat them somehow, but I can't bear to read on.
At least I didn't want to beat this person with the Grammar Bat. I don't know if that's good or bad right now.
Boyle said:
I'm pretty sure I've heard the punchline of the lubricated veggies in a dirty joke before. Two guys stay overnight in an old lady's home. She turns out to be randy. One manages to avoid fucking her because he uses corn and then throws the cobs out the window. The other guy is sleeping out there for some reason and says the night wasn't so bad. "I've been eating buttered corn all night."
Poor twisted fanfiction writer. His stuff isn't just tame, it's derivative of dirty jokes told by 13-year-old boys.
Nomi800 said:
I think I've become immune to these, all I could think the whole second half was "I wonder if she washed the vegetables first..." because when you first pick those things they're covered in dirt and bugs, and sometimes a worm.... ok I just made myself throw up in my mouth, so much for being immune...
Bill said:
Wow! A FFF that features a woman! No homo man-on-man sex! Sweet!
Wait....a dog? No. NO! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
longbowhunter said:
Yeah...dog rape and bad grammaar aside,this was still mostly a story about Erica Durance masturbating. I was able to get aroused,and that should never EVER happen during FFF. Still,Smallville live-blog should be fun tonight with this fresh in our minds.
Brion said:
Anything with Erica Durance shoving veggies up herself is a salad I can approve.
The dog? Not so much.
demoncat said:
good thing i did not have any vegetables for diner. for it was bad enough the writer was having Lois having to wind up committing beastiality besides using Martha kents sex toys and then use vegetables to contiue getting her satifaction. but worse clark and martha then eat the vegtables that Lois stuck in her . at least the writer did not have Clark doing the things.
Super King said:
"Shelby started going even faster and then it shot it's gooey white liquid into Lois. "
And then,some indeterminate time later, Lois gave birth to the kid from 'Superman Returns'.
Geek Princess said:
...I am so glad I decided to go for Chinese tonight. I won't be able to cook squash for a while. Probably not zucchini, either.
sashaisme said:
Am I the only one laughing my ass off AGAIN?
soulless1 replied to sashaisme:
snicker and chuckle funny story this week
Matt said:
Quote: "in her polkadot bra and panties. In a matter of minutes, those were gone too"
Hmmm... last time I checked, my girlfriend slips out of those in seconds.
Kal-El Summers said:
Since I've never watched Smallville before, the Martha image that popped up every time Lois thought of her was the comics one, which almost had me running to the bathroom til I looked up Smallville's Martha. Not all that horrifying after I saw what she looked like, but Lois getting fucked by a dog and then violating herself with dirty veggies was just... ugh.
Screampants said:
Well, looks like I have a legitimate excuse to go on a vegetable strike for the rest of my life....
rickicker said:
BAAHAHAHAHAHABOOHOOOHOOOOHOOOHOOOBAAAHAHAHAHA
i...i don't...god!! FFF has ruined me so much i found myself laughing and crying at the same time at this!!
BAAHAHAHAHAHABOOHOOOHOOOOHOOOHOOOBAAAHAHAHAHA -goes to murderous rampage-
cdawg said:
I think 'twat nipples' is gonna be my new saying from now on. An example: "Ah twat nipples! I locked my keys in the car!"
T-revor said:
Who eats salad with bananas in it?
jolly bitch said:
Oh god, ive become so jaded that all i could think of was the physical impossibility of the dog doing lois with her on her back. The realization that ive lost part of my humanity is just awful. This story should have shocked and disgusted me and all i could think of was that it was just impossible for the dog to do it.
cocacolaoso said:
All those long, boring days in the country, far away from the city lights, with the tedious farm work to do and no chance in hell of a roll in the hay with Clark, has turned Lois Lane into a psycho-nympho/farm cattle-vegetable fetishist bestialist! Now she wants to "do" the whole farm! Poor, horny Miss Lane!
She must think now that "Harvest Moon" is an interactive porno game. Aaaaarrrgg!!!
Super King said:
"Hours later, both Clark and Martha came home. Their noisy chatter downstairs woke Lois up."
Hey, where's 'Pa' Kent? Why isn't he mentioned in this...
Oh god, Clark and his mother came home...together...I should stop reading FFF while I still have a tiny bit of sanity left.
Metal Soldier said:
This is the first time I've really read through a FFF. I've perused one or two before, but generally skip them. To be honest I guess I've spent too much time on 4chan. It was only slightly disturbing. Mostly it was funny, except the dog.
technobot replied to Metal Soldier:
4chan can do that to a person.
Drea said:
Is it bad that the first thing I thought of was not the disgust I should have felt at reading a bestiality scene, but was in fact how illogical and improbable it would have been considering the physiological differences between dogs and human females?
Capsulesn'Coffee said:
wow...totally didn't see the dog coming(no pun intended.)
"Hopefully, Superman181 will be back to finish his opus, although he's busy with many other stories, including Olivia Munn and Morgan Webb from G4 going at it."
uhh, Rob, you wouldn't happen to recall which site you got this horrible monstrosity from...just asking; no particular reason.
combat baby said:
"Having each individual piece of corn brush past her clitoris felt amazing."
Woah, woah, woah. It brushed her clit as it went in her? Either Lois has some kind of crazy deformity or that corn has grown a right angle in it.
Lawless said:
Uh, that photo is hot
R3loy said:
Maybe it's just me but I've never heard an ear of corn referred to as a "shuck." I guess the author has as limited a knowledge of produce as he does female genitalia. Also, is it wrong that this was the only problem I found with today's FFF?
Sithinious said:
That picture up top... did she have her nipples photoshopped out?
lois said:
After reading this I suddenly have the strange urge to change my name...
akiratrooper said:
Before reading this, I was hungry
Now, after reading this I lost my appetite.
I'm now nauseous. I don't want to eat veggies anymore.
ZimMan2 said:
Yarfshlockngoov? Bor, hwy oulwd ouy od thsi ot su? Lla snese fo rtiaonla toughth si noge.*
*Translation: Whobudawha? Rob, why would you do this to us? All sense of rational thought is gone.
nick said:
I suddenly feel the need to kill my golden retriever. Thanks Rob.
NerdRage said:
two words....twat nipples!
Catherine said:
I was coping until the very end......
Gleeman said:
NO ONE expects the surprise dog sex!
(Well, at least I didn't...)
And am I the only one wondering what TYPE of squash Lois put up her back door? If it was butternut, color me impressed!!
For those who aren't familiar:
http://www.localfoodmarketplace.com/santacruz/images/products/squash/butternut.jpg
Melikian said:
You know what's odd?
What was running through my mind was
1- she now has a VERY dirty, ah, poon... if she just "washed" those raw vegetables, and
2- carrots, unpeeled or peeled wrong, fucked "hard," can kill a woman by nicking important veins or breaking her uterine wall.
It... it was one of those "this person died a really stupid death" sort of things I picked up somewhere.
That is what bothered me.
The dog just seemed improbable, and I'm sure the banana was happy with it all.
Also, banana, squash, corn and carrot salad?
Huh.
James replied to Melikian:
You notice she never removed the carrot from her ass? So there is a carrot up there when the squash goes in. I wonder if Clark can x-ray vision this carrot?
Also, to further hurt your mind, some of these did go up her ass and then presumably back into the basket. Nobody noticed any... smell? extra... pepper?
nick replied to James:
Maybe we missed the scene where Watson came in to clean her ass with a series of enemas.
Kevin replied to Melikian:
Spike TV's "1,000 Ways to Die" I presume?
Canadian Scott said:
Superman181: "Well this one will be fun, it even has 'cum' in it's name," laughed Lois.
Rob: Lois has a fucking terrible sense of humor.
This is why I read FFF.
rosina rubylips said:
I'm sorry, you can't expect me to believe a cucumber to the 'gina is more painful than an ass full of squash.
Almighty Spock said:
Exploding head and melting face pretty much describe how I feel about this. I can never look at Lois Lane the same ever again.
Ted said:
"The best part here is knowing that some of you have kids, and tonight at dinner, some of these kids will say "I don't want to eat my vegetables." You'll be about to say something, then you'll think of today's FFF, you'll get nauseous, and you will let your kids skip right to dessert. These children can email their thanks to me at toplessrobot@gmail.com."
That comment right there made my weekend. Too damn funny!
steen said:
BUT SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN.
Switchbladeeyes replied to steen:
Put that on a bumper sticker please!
pollardy said:
can we get that grey's anatomy one in here >>
BruceR said:
Erica Durance: always good to see another Canadian making it big in the States.
lemur said:
As a woman, let me just say this: the author of this fic obviously has never been with a woman, and shows it by his blatant abuse of lady bits in masturbation. You do not twist the button.
Ward said:
This did nothing for me, unfortunately. Not after the Care Bears. I don't think anything could be worse than that fucking Care Bears story. Every time I see a Snuggle Laundry Soap commercial I puke a bit in my mouth.
Nick said:
BANANAS ARE NOT FUCKING OCTAGONAL JESUS CHRIST
Fentook replied to Nick:
Obviously you're not familiar with the toolkit of Dr. Octagynacologist.
That reference is so obscure my nipples got all twat.
Mastiff said:
"The place is filthy, but please, come in."
Best. line. EVER. I shot coffee out my nose.
Gordon said:
I shit my brians i will never look at crops in the same way
