• When I first read what the contest was my knee-jerk reaction was going to be something about the creative control over star wars being handed over to, i don't know, joss whedon or somebody. Of course everybody wants what they can't have.

• Pres. Obama Revealed To Be A Cylon! Vice Pres. Biden Also Revealed Ties To Cyberdyne.

• and boozes

• to be done right brentalfloss need to do the sound track. or a parody, minimum.

• vote for the megan fox does porn.

• Japan to make more life size gundams. THIS TIME THEIR FOR REAL! Michael Bay Take Directing Classes! Hollywood Saved! Sith lord foiled by jedi aprentice. Again.

• At first the lucas headlines were funny. Then they got plain obnoxious and were skipped all together when reading this. The back to the future headline above me for the win.

• ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!!

• Headline: All robots on Earth to be destroyed.

• QUESADA-DILLA Marvel Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada, 48, was killed today in a tragic accident at Marvel's warehouse when several piles of unsold "Spider-Man: Brand New Day" back issue comics fell on the New York City native, killing him instantly. Police are treating the death as suspicious, though sources close to the lead detective have suggested they are considering that Mr. Quesada may have been crushed by his own sense of self-importance. A spokesperson from Disney, which recently acquired Marvel Comics, said, "Mr. Quesada was a valued friend and colleague. We are saddened by his unexpected death and will, of course, immediately enter negotiations with Mephisto, Lord of Hell, to bring Quesada back from the dead." If Quesada is brought back from the dead, it is believed that some of his recent bad decisions will be inexplicably erased whilst others will remain or be overturned for no valid reason. Because apparently "magic" is a synonym for "absolute stupidity".

• You DO have a Control key and an "F" key on that typewriter-looking thingie laying in front of you, don'tcha? Try jamming your fingers on them simultaneously the next time you're feeling TL;DR.

• Heath Ledger death a hoax! Revealed to a be a huge publicity stunt for new Batman movie based around Arkham Aslyum game.

• FLUX CAPACITOR DISCOVERED: EMMETT BROWN WAS RIGHT!

• Murdock Publicly Apologizes For His Stupidity, Firefly on Fox's Fall Schedule.

• "Exposure to high levels of radiation and/or toxic waste found to actually cause super powers and not death as first thought."

• "Stupidity Discovered to be virus; Vaccine discovered; NASA remembers to carry the 1 and perfects Space Colonization."

• They are technically feasible in today's world and would actually use crystals.

• New York Time's Last headline: ALIEN PLAD SKIRT TRANSFORMER-ROBOTSINVADE THE UNIVERSE WIELDING BANANA-TENTACLE RAY-GUNS This morning at 6:32 contact was made when a Japanese physicist opened a wormhole into a pocket dimension...

• "Microsoft rips off idea: makes the XGirlfriend." "Bill Gates reported as saying 'I don't get it, why is everyone laughing?'" (I've never posted before, but I saw this and couldn't resist.)

• -Megan Fox announces she is done making mainstream movies and is going into porn -Flash Rebirth's conclusion finally comes out, and trade paperback version is released on time -Martin Campbell to direct GI Joe 2; plans on revamping Cobra Commanders look to go "more comic book" -the events of Spider-Man's unmasking to One More Day are revealed to be a really bad dream brought on by a conk to the head while fighting Doc Ock, Spidey discovers he's still married to Mary Jane and still living in his apartment -Aliens exist, though unfortunaley they have a warlike society and want to either conquer us (Klingons) or kill us all (Daleks)

• Obese man in an ill-fitting Go-Bots t shirt takes genitals in hand and strokes furiously at a Dairy Queen parking lot. Gathering crowd anticipates on bated breath for a possible outcome.

• "Kevin Smith to direct new Citizen Kane title "Citizen Prime." It's the same movie, scene for scene, word for word, but Charles Kane is replaced with Optimus Prime."

• Nothing on EARTH beats Barry Bostwick in a tan spandex jump suit and a blue bandana!!! Can't wait to get on that waiting list!!!

• James Cameron announces remake of "Sink the Bismarck"... seriously, I have been waiting for this since Titanic was released and I realized how awesome he could make massive ships look in CG. Then, I was even more certain when he went deep sea diving to the Bismarck...

• In a move expected to shore up support among budding nerd constituencies ahead of the 2012 elections, President Obama appoints internet personalities Gabe and Tycho to his Cabinet as Techno-Cultural Consultants. Expected policy proposals include a bat-signal installed in the Rose Garden, standard issue military katanas, and the replacement of the filibuster with CoD tournaments.

• Sorry Charles, I'm not trying to one-up you with the lost manuscript thing, honestly...I was thinking about it before I saw your post. Salinger Superman = ftw

• Temple of Time Found: America is Hyrule!

• "Unpublished Tolkien, Adams, Shakespeare Manuscript Hoard Unveiled" (AP) The Queen of England died today. Even better, a secret cache of rare art, artifacts, and unpublished literature was revealed to have been in her possession. "Mumsy was a bit of a hoarder," says the Prince of Wales, "and now that she's finally gone to the great Corgi farm in the sky we can go ahead and release to the public all the smashing toys and books she's never let any of us see or play with. Godsavetheking." Included in the collection are several short stories by Douglas Adams, a huge and undoubtedly awesome novel by J.R.R. Tolkein, dozens of letters and original scripts by Shakespeare, Hitler's Diary, DaVinci's porn stash, the compleat Sappho, what appears to be the missing bits of Plutarchs 'Lives,' and a journal written in the hand of Queen Victoria which seems to prove that she was, in fact, Jack the Ripper.

• Superman script found in home of J.D. Salinger among pile of unpublished work.

• "Toplessrobot member, Zade, to direct his own movie!" It will be inspired by online multiplayer and GTA sandbox and will have only action and no plot (so they will take a chance on him). It will consist of fistfights, swordfights, gunfights, aerial dogfights, rocket launchers, sniping, car chases and everything else... and whenever someone dies, they end up outside the hospital often with a smirk on their face. Oh, and Rob, watch Stargate: http://www.hulu.com/watch/62972/stargate-sg-1-children-of-the-gods#x-0,vepisode,1,0

• Scientists Announce Discover Real World Spice. High Times Debuts First Philosophy and Religious Studies Issue. David Lynch Cries Himself To Sleep. Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson Tried To Trademark Before High Fans Slaughter Them.

• MegaForce will recieve a Criterian Collection 6 disk set plus a twelve hour documentary that will shown on PBS.

• "FOX Network executives defenestrated by former viewers in a bloody uprising that many insiders say, "they should have really seen coming;" Fall programming on the newly-named WhedonTV Network will include new seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly and Dollhouse, as well as the brand new, weekly Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Sit-Com"

• Force Sensitive Swimming Pool Discovered To Have High Levels of Midichlorine.

• I cannot state how much win is in this entry.

• What a twist!

• Rob Bricken admits deep-seeded comtempt for all things manga/anime. In related news water is wet.

• OPTIMUS PRIME TRANSFORMER? OR TRANNY?

• Stephen Colbert cast as Steve Rogers in live action Captain America film.

• Summer Glau dismembers self on live television, revealed to be actual Terminator-specced fembot. *swoon*

• Sam Raimi signs on as director of FANTASTIC FOUR re-boot. Bruce Campbell cast as Ben Grimm!

• Oops I wrote "With House" instead of "White House." I hope spelling errors don't automatically disqualify you.

• "Batman and Robin Come Out of the Cave. Gotham City... not really surprised."

• "Arthurian legends proven to be true; researchers trace the lineage of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round to British comedy troupe Monty Python. Cleese announches a grand, world wide quest for the Holy Grail, commissioning a local English pub to serve as a temporary Camelot. On a related matter, Sir Christopher Lee is spotted sporting a long white beard and magicans robes."

• WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? Brickhousebunny21 author of furry porn arrested for abusing puppies and kittens. exclaims Topless Robot is responsible for this.

• "Scientists Create a Working Ansible. Still Waiting for a Battleroom."

• But then we get the original The Beef, Leo DiCaprio. "Ok, we need a rough around the edges cop." "Already got Leo slotted." "Christ, Martin, again? Can he at least stop shaving three months before hand so he can grow a beard beyond having face pubes?"

• "Girl Wins 'Wishful Headlines' Contest, Submits Photo of Herself Wearing Only Topless Robot Prize T-Shirt"

• Don't know if anyone posted this or not...but I don't feel like reading these. Halcyon buys back the Terminator Franchise and brings back SCC. Cast is unchanged.

• Internet Gains Sentience: Tells All Nerds and Fanboys to "Relax For Christ's Sake!"

• BREAKING NEWS: ALAN MOORE SHAVES!

• You sir, have just verbalised my fantasies. You FTW.

• OWNED, Rob.

• You win the Internet.

• Oops, should have typed "Caped! the Batman Musical" Greenlit by Fox--Bay to Direct, LaBoeueouf to Star' ...because Cage may yet redeem himself via 'Kickass.'

• Sorry, I meant to type "Caped! the Batman Musical" Greenlit by Fox--Bay to Direct, LaBoeuf to Star" ...because Cage may yet redeem himself with 'KickAss.'

• Yeah!

• WIN.

• "Caped! the Batman Musical" Greenlit By Fox--Bay to Direct, Cage to Star Not because I want to see such a thing, but because it would doom them all to bankruptcy at least, and quite possibly to vigilante action at the hands of outraged Batman fans.

• "United Nations adopts new D&D charter: International incidents to be settled with dice rolls."

• New York Times to carry Topless Robot!

• ALIENS WALK AMONG US! It has been revealed that George Lucas was replaced by an alien life form some time ago. According to sources, not long after his divorce settlement in 1987, George Lucas was visited by an alien race that had received transmissions of his famous Star Wars trilogy and wanted to meet the creator. They offered Mr. Lucas the opportunity to travel with them and see far away galaxies. In return, these visitors would provide a double. A look-alike that would take his place here, and provide fantastic technological advances revolutionizing the movie making process in both picture and sound for the next two decades. Mr. Lucas agreed, and a member of the alien crew shifted form into a splitting image of the director. Apparently it wasn't until 2006 that Mr. Lucas returned. He was so taken with his adventures in space that the damage done to his beloved movie franchise was barely noticed. Mr. Lucas did, however, manage to replace his duplicate in time to save his second famous movie property; Indiana Jones. His time in space had a profound effect on him. As documented elsewhere, Mr. Lucas was responsible for working aliens into the script for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. "I tried to stop him," friend and film collaborator Steven Spielberg said, "but he kept going on and on about it. I finally said 'okay' and threw up my hands." Others involved with the project took a more passive role. Harrison Ford, star of the film, was quoted as saying "It was just another day at the office for me." The extraterrestrials involved were described as being tall, skinny, with green skin, pointed ears and vertical wrinkles running between the lower lip and the chin. Their home is purported to be somewhere in the Andromeda Galaxy.

• Breaking: DNA tests prove Michael Bay and Joel Schumaker are same person; found with a screenplay for a star trek/ star wars crossover film, titled: "Final Vengeance Against the Nerds" and map and blueprints for Joss Whedon's house with reportedly a "significant" amount of guns and plastic explosives. Charges Pending.

• WIN

• It may sound stupid, but I can see Obama at least attempting to personally fight zombies.

• 'Colbert Report returns to FX in reasonable timeslot.'

• :smith:

• <p>Here's a headline I think we all will be both terrified and excited to see :</p> <p>From the NY Times: <b>"Unknown Virus Causes the Dead to Rise, Infection is Spreading Rapidly World Wide."</b></p> <p>Side Column: <b>"President Obama Kills Undead Former Presidents John Tyler and Millard Fillmore In Front of the With House with Dual Saber Chainsaws."</b> </p> <p>God Bless America.</p>

• DC Comics gets pissed off. Hal Jordan gets pissed on. Kyle Rayner inherits jewelry from deceased predecssor, knows never to get pissy.

• Win win win win win win!

• Oceanographers proportedly discover famed sunken city, inspiration for BioShock's Rapture. Dane Cook dispatched to investigate.

• You made the girl get hit by Transformers G1 Bluestreak? Super nerd FTW.

• Wachowski Brothers apologize for Matrix sequels, announce plans to use time machines to make things right.

• "JJ Abrams and Peter Jackson team up to bring new film THE SEVEN DOCTORS to the big screen!" (starring Baker through Tennant)

• "John Lasseter and Disney sign for an animated remake of Full Metal Jacket. Ragnarok expected to ensue on opening day."

• 2nd to last period was supposed to be a comma

• You just won an internet!

• Or would it?

• "Hentai images featuring rape are declining" Rape, a popular trend in hentai and drawn pornagraphy appears to be becoming unpopular. Thousands of images on paheal.net featuring rape and underage characters were recently mysteriously deleted overnight. No one in the community seemed phased by this. and no new images of this type have been uploaded to the site since.

• Rapture happens. No one notices missing Duggar family.

• "All GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD"

• "World Leaders confirm, 'Autobots inferior, Decepticons superior!!'"

• "ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD"

• George Lucas signs over control of Star Wars to J.J. Abrahms to reboot episodes I,II, and III.

• Aliens Land on White House Law: "They are Nerds and Wish to Share Their Culture with the World" says Obama" "...the most incredible video games I have ever seen!" raved a government rep, "I tried one game where I literally WAS a superhero in an enormous virtual world! And the Aliens told me it was a 'B' rate property." It turns out our culture also has had an effect on the aliens. Apparently the aliens arrived after having accidentally picked up broadcasts of the original Star Wars and made their own sequels to the movies. Universally acclaimed after being leaked on the internet just prior to the Aliens' arrival, Lucas is said to be so impressed that he has decided to make the Aliens' sequels cannon and publicly disowned the recent prequels. "I couldn't believe how they brought the whole thing to life.... I mean come on, they even made real light sabers!" the secretary of defense enthused, turning on the device and sparring with a co-worker. In other news, James Cameron has decided to retire. "I mean, what was he going to do?" said a source close to Cameron, "Now that his 'bleeding-edge technology' is a bad joke, the public are hardly willing to sit through Jimmy's poorly written tripe. They are going to expect things like good stories and character development too and... well, we all know he just can't compete." Plans to release the dvd have since collapsed and copies of the film are said to be buried alongside Atari's ill-fated E.T.

• Olivia Munn poses in Playboy... this time fully NUDE (but covered in pie!!)

• HANDJOBS FOR THE HOMELESS Diora Baird announces plans to raise money for Habitats For Humanity.

• Furry Serial Rapist killed by would be Victim with Samurai Sword.

• F. T. W.

• Spider-Man reboot revealed to be a joke! Spider-Man 4 is coming and the villian is Carnage. If only.

• Joker becomes AIG Investment Banker. Reportedly makes a killing.

• I would seriously pay good money to watch that!

• Said wrist-slitting attempt fails due to the fact that the girls were using plastic sporks instead of razors, and cutting "across the street" instead of "down the road." Girls found dead weeks later from a combination of lead poisoning from cheap eyeliner and walking out into busy traffic because their fashionable fringes blocked their vision.

• Fox bought by Joss Whedon.

• Bruce Campbell takes over Tonight Show hosting after dominating Leno in singles combat. Audience members receive free Hello Kitty chainsaws. Zombie Buddy Holly tapped for House Band.

• I open up the newspaper one morning to see a giant picture of a blue phone box whirling through space (and time, but that doesn't show up on camera as well) on the front page. In giant, bold letters below the picture are the words: "IT EXISTS!" In smaller print below the headline: "Millions of Americans shake their Heads in Puzzlement at the Excited Reactions of a Nerdy Few."

• In other news, Johnny Depp has been cast as Superman. Fans of both genders sickened.

• Car company revels first affordable flying car.

• "Magical Truthsaying Bastard Spidey" is ill-received by critics, but well received by filthy assistants and fans of Anthrax Cat.

• Nerd Comes Close To Four-way With Megan Fox Dressed As Wonder Woman, Morena Baccarin Dressed As Princess Lea, and Katie Sackhoff as Ms. Marvel. Head Explodes Before Moment Of Ecstasy.

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