• You know, the more I think about it, Heretics & Chapterhouse could probably be made into a decent movie & sequel. I mean, take out all the Dune 1-4 references and you'd have a genetically engineered kid being raised in a compound to bring out his latent memory/powers, being trained by an old warhorse, the compound gets attached and destroyed, the old guy gets captured helping the kid escape, then (plot twist) during interrogation, they find out the old guy has strange powers, he escapes, and havok ensues ending with his death helping the kid escape again. Then the sequel would be the grown up kid raising the clone of the old man to help bring out his powers so they can deliver the death blow to the evil empire attacking their planet/federation. Like I said, just sever all ties with the actual Dune series, and the plot for the last two books makes two okay movies.

• Touche!

• What about the cartoon? I agree that TASOH is a masterpiece, but the cartoon was actually a decent attempt. I was even rolling over a gag they included that wasn't in the comic!

• No TV series as far as I know. Just one movie. One really...shitty...movie.

• LMAO...! THIS! Hahahaha...

• Ooooh... Gilliam would be great. I kinda like the HBO idea, though. Alan Ball could make some great commentary on the effects of dreams on our lives.

• Starship Troopers. Just to make that atrocity of movie-turd dissappear forever. I respect Paul Verhoeven and his style. But anyone who actually read the book knows it should never have been placed in his hands to begin with.

• Would the spell reverse accidents that are pending but haven't been released yet from happening? Can I pick "Avatar: the Last Airbender" even though M Night Shyamalan is releasing it at some point this year? I cringe thinking about how badly its going to fuck up what was 3 excellent seasons of a really great show. It's one of the most entertaining animated pieces I've seen since... well, in a long long time. And now? Down the drain. I can do what I always do and not go see it and try to not acknowledge its existence (like I've done with many properties beloved to me in the past such as Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, these supposedly great new Batman movies, the new JJ Abrams Star Trek reboot, etc) but in the back of my mind, I know these godawful movies exist. Because idiots keep talking about them and too many people actually liked these pieces of crap.

• One of the points of the idea of this spell is to avoid even the potentiality of a bad movie. I personally, and I think Benne and everyone else that agrees with him, think that it is not worth the enormous risk of them churning out a ridiculous and horrible movie. Spike Jonze and the other directors may be decent or even very good at handling the original property with utmost respect - it still doesn't mean they're going to get it "right". And if it's not, then we don't want it. Hell, with a lot of these beloved franchises, we don't think the movie medium can possibly get it "right" regardless. People need to understand and respect the fact that sometimes things don't translate to movies.

• C.S. Friedman's Coldfire Trilogy. While it would be awesome to have a well done movie (or set of them); it could never happen. There's no way Gerald Tarrant could ever be cast correctly, and I could see Michael Bay or Jerry Brookheimer getting their mits on it just because they could show an interplanetary ship exploding. There's no way these books should ever see cinematic release. The Hollywood taint would be unavoidable and we'd get some amalgamation of Lord of the Rings, Twilight, and Earth 2 the tv series; I'd be pissed.

• Yes, I agree!! I think I would literally take my own life if they ever make a Calvin & Hobbes movie out of absolutely sadness... now if we could only go back in time to have saved the travesty that has been Garfield (cartoons, live-action movies, etc.) yikes...

• And of course Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.

• I wouldn't use black magic, just freeze George Lucas in carbonite, to avoide the Star Wars prequal movies.

• The Amazing Screw-On Head. I'm just too worried that Burton will get his grubby little mits on it.

• I'd wipe the movie Constantine from existence. Then I would cry tears of 100% nerd joy.

• if this was a spell of BAN THIS FUCKER FROM COMIC BOOK MOVIES FOREVER he would be #1

• Ok, guys, again; read at least half the comments before you enter, ok?

• The board game genre needs to not happen. Seriously, a Monopoly movie? It's a disaster in the making.

• I'm protecting the entirety of greek mythology. Because we're pussies and we can't handle the truth. We can't handle stories where heroes aren't completely flawless or a world without absolute, easily discernable good and evil. Greeks honored tragedy as much as triumph, moral ambiguity as much as absolutism. They recognized reality and reflected it in their art. They weren't pefect, but they acknowledged their shortcomings and the truth that is the limitation of our heroes; that realism could lead to betterment and advancement. And us? We worship archetypes, tropes, boy-scouts. We distort reality, create unrealistic ideals, and we hold that as our standard for heroes. Anything less is garbage. Then we wonder why the world is the way it is, devoid of these perfect people. So no, the masterpieces of the Greeks deserve more than modern cinema. Their buthering is the earliest example of stories distorted for modern audiences, long before any of these other stories posted here. They aren't middle school romances, they aren't generic rivalries, they aren't any of the only 4 types of stories we show these days that don't make general audiences cry and gnash their teeth. Don't like them? Don't film them. But I'll be damned if stories whose brutal, unflinching realism made them stand the test of millenia, get Disney-fied because we need Superman to pat us on the head, reassure us and tuck us in at night.

• Star Wars. Yes, the original trilogy. Hear me out on this. Without Star Wars we wouldn't have three of the greatest movies ever, granted. Without it we wouldn't have any of the mythos, none of the pop culture references, no lightsaber and Tie Fighter noises. We wouldn't have JarJar, for sure, but we would also lose other things. Star Wars, and by extension George Lucas, kick started the modern film making industry. We'd lost Indiana Jones for sure, but think more subtle. We'd lose ILM, which means no Jurassic Park, no T2, no computer effects for the last 30 years. We'd lost GI Joe and Transformers in one fell swoop. On the plus side, we'd lose all of Michael Bay's work, but we'd lost countless other things. So the question is would I exchange all the good in the last 30 years just to stop Bay's TF movies and Lucas' new SW movies? I honestly don't know. I think so. Maybe. Probably not. I know I can point to A New Hope and say "This is what caused it all. pull the string and watch the world become a radically different place." And that right the would change things more than a Terminator in a Delorean colliding with the TARDIS. That's why I'd safeguard Star Wars, and by extension wipe out our modern time-stream. Also: no Topless Robot. Scary.

• MegaMan. Because there would have to be a love story in it and that would take up half the movie whereas we could see MegaMan blowing shit up. And there'd be 1-8 mini-fights of the bosses from one of the games and then a fight with Dr. Wiley that would suck ass. And they'd probably change everything about MegaMan that makes him cool. Although hearing some of those level songs done by a full orchestra would be awesome. No MegaMan movies please!

• Um...hm...so many... Artemis Fowl would be my first choice but Eoin just confirmed so Dean Koontz's Frakenstein or his Odd Thomas series. I don't want to see David Duchovny or Topher Grace involved. Or Michael Bay. Not even on HBO. Bascially anything Stephen King, Anne Rice, or Dean Koontz write always ends up going through the Hollywood meat grinder with a lot of shit added in as filler.

• But then we wouldn't have The SImpsons' "Treehouse of Horror" version!!!

• Oh, good call. Yes, it's an incredible series that would get horribly cocked up if made into a movie.

• Any Dr. Suess property. No new movies, and it'd erase those shitty "Grinch" and Cat in the Hat movies.

• No love for CARRIE?

• Firefox doesn't want me to be able to enter TR contests I guess, because the comment boxes for the last three contests haven't worked for me. Also, some of the comments have been cut off. Weird. Anyway... I hope to the heavens that Hollywood leaves Edgar Allan Poe in the literature anthologies, becase his work is overrated enough as it is. The last thing we need is a terrible movie imagining of The Fall of the House of Usher or The Masque of the Red Death. Even worse would be a movie of his mostly masturbatory poetry. "The Raven: Night's Flight" or some such shit? We can only pray something like that never comes to fruition.

• Tunnels Of Doom game for the Texas Instrunments TI99/4A computer. Those indelible memories from my childhood of creeping down corridors 10 levels down looking for the king who's got hisself kidnapped. Then almost getting back to the surface and pressing "Quit" instead or "Back" on the keyboard and wiping the whole bloody game. ... Ah memories. Don't frig 'em up.

• The Hostess fruit pie advertisements found in comic books in the 70s and 80s. They are so masterfully written, no movie will ever do them justice.

• Gonna have to go with The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever books. I'm surprised the option hasn't been brought up recently with every other sci-fi/fantasy series being snatched up, i.e. Narnia, Golden Compass, Percy Jackson etc. But perhaps going against the grain, I just don't WANT to see these horrible books made, specially just cause some suit did a google search on fantasy trilogies. I had to read through this dreck just to see when the "it gets better the more you read it" part happens,..sad to say I was fooled twice with another similar experience with a little series called "Twilight" with the girlfriend telling me, "but there's werewolves and vampires and they fight!!" ugh.

• I knonw it may not count since it's already a movie but I would like to stop ANY remakes of the Rocky Horror Picture show

• Agreed. IT is a sensational movie. Sure no movies live up to a books expectations, but some bring their own brand of awesomeness. IT was one of these.

• Well, at first I was thinking of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but then I thought that, with all it's flawes, the movie did get me to read the book, so its evil isn't complete. Then I thought that at least it wasn't successful enough to warrant sequels. which would have undoubtably been even worse than the first. So I can't be filled with anger et the film. However, I then heard that the BBC were trying de develop a serial based on the Dirk Gently character. But they wouldn't base it on any of the book... This logic escapes me, so they want to use the names (Dirk & Adams) to sell some detective show? But wont use any of the writing that made it brilliant? What the Hell. So there, I feel that H2G2 series is safe from any more harm, but I will protect Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency with my magic, and by association, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul would also be protected, and that would in time prevent some jackass (for lack of a better term, let's call him Eoin) to think he can finish The salmon of Doubt. There! Thy magic hath spoketh!

• I'm thinking about this way too much, but on with it I suppose. We've got Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lincoln, but who's Johnny Depp going to be? Lincoln, my guess John Wilks Booth. Over course it's going to be in 3D. I think the big question is, will there be enough black in it?

• Absolutely dead on pick. What draws me into the Dark Tower books is King's ability to fully ensconce you in his parallel worlds. The gun description alone is fascinating..I really feel like I can smell the sandlewood grips and oil in the barrel as well as feel its heaviness. Take Cujo as an example of one of SK's novels that was well written, but didn't transfer well. As you read that book, you can feel the heat and smell the putrid flowers and you feel the woman's terror. On film, its just a story about a big dog and a shitty car. Did anyone else watch "Hearts In Atlantis" waiting for Anthony Hopkins to be abducted into a parallel dimension by "low men"? What a rip!

• In the film's defense, there is 100 percent less group sex (of a very disturbing nature). People normally talk about Tommyknockers when asked to identify a single novel that encapsulates King's cocaine and alcohol fueled mid-80's writing binges; however, IT had some truly nutty shit in it.

• NERD RAGE! LINK IS NOT AN ELF! He's Hylian damn it. With that said you're right, they'd remove his pointy ears and i'd be obligated to remove their pointy heads...

• A little too late joining in on this, so if these have been said...ooops! I'd cast a spell on any more Dune movies, Watership Down, Dragonlance, and Paul Cornell's Human Nature (should never have been made into a two parter, no matter how good Tennant was as the Doctor)

• Okay, well, admittedly we'd be without those two movies... But in the long run I'll take nothing by way of cinematic SNL-based abortions over two gems in a sea of puke. I'd rather they stay marvelously just on television instead of spewed all over the globe, giving people second-hand embarrassment.

• You're safe. Bill Watterson doesn't license so much as a coffee cup, so a movie is probably never gonna happen. Good pick though. You never know...when he dies his family could be looking for a quick buck.

• I'm going to have to go with Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter on this one. I don't think any movie can match the awesomeness I see in my head, especially not one made by Tim Burton.

• Dungeons & Dragons There has never been a decent D&D movie made, and never will be. Parties in the movies will never behave like they do in real life. 1) When Ridley used the stone to get past a forcefield blocking the cave. "He must be the only one to go..." Bullshit. I'm NEVER letting one party member get all the loot while I sit around with my thumb up my ass. I'll give a good excuse, like "If something happens to him, who will help?", but in reality, it's because I will never trust a party member like that. 2) Ridley and Snail-Trail are the two worst theives I have ever seen. When did they steal and not get caught? For that matter, Xilus is a pretty shitty theives guild leader. Apparently, all you need to deter theives in their world is some slapstick traps, like rakes and banana peels. 3) As much as I hate my fellow party members, I at least try to get them resurrected when they die. I'll never spend a dime of my own to do it, but I'll get them brought back to life over some random cleric's dead body. So when Snails dies, how come no one even mentions getting him brought back? No one even tries to get a piece of his body or anything. Fuck that party. My next character is a grudge character. Hollywood, give it up. Unless your movie features thrown dice, shredded character sheets, and oaths of eternally shattered friendship, you'll never get it right. Until then, watch THE GAMERS: DORKNESS RISING. That's about as close as it gets, and it's on Netflix instant queue. ENJOY! http://www.netflix.com/Movie/The_Gamers_Dorkness_Rising/70104325?strackid=59c813b536bf9444_0_srl&strkid=1096171862_0_0&trkid=222336

• "Death: The Cost of Living" is being made into a film though. Gaiman himself wrote and is directing it, with Guillermo Del Toro as executive producer. Which sounds like it could be brilliant. Del Toro would be my first choice (besides Gaiman) to do anything Sandman-related. He's one of the few directors with strong visual and action sensibilities who also knows how to create a rich story.

• Stephen King's "It" I know. Tim Curry's Pennywise is burned in my brain too. And yes, the rest of the cast were also good. But when you compare the storytelling of the TV movie to that of the book, the book wins hands down. Besides, the visual of the real It wasn't scary at all, and the scenes with the grown-ups riding Silver were just silly.

• But not the CD-I game/cartoon things. Those were fucking awesome

• This is easy, I would never ever want to see a live action Card Captor Sakura movie, espically an American remake, America you're already ruined Dragonball for me you can't have the other childhood series that got me into anime!

• HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAASH

• Someone beat me to Metroid, dammit. I'll go with Nightwing. A cross between Batman and Spider-Man would seem to be low-hanging fruit, but I have no confidence in Hollywood's ability to turn it into a competent movie. I can already see it now: "James Franco is... the Nightwing."

• Boy, I sure hope COOLER heads prevail before anyone else has to die.

• It's all the more disturbing when you consider that Lewis Carrol was most likely a closet pedophile. Look up his relationship with Alice Liddell sometime. He, um, liked to photograph her. A lot.

• Hester Prynne made pastries?

• I'm casting a spell over Bible Black. Not to protect the property from the masses, but to protect the masses from that property. I don't trust us to know when to walk away instead of destroying ourselves to satisfy our curiosity. We're getting more and more extreme with our depictions of sex and gore. Desensitization is setting in, and we need exponentially greater fixes to get us out of bed. So it is inevitable that Hollywood, in its infinite wisdom and in its quest for figurative torture porn, sets its sights on literal torture porn. We don't need to see (even in anime form but especially in live-action) dick-girls raping each other, raping men, being raped by men, and being raped while themselves raping. We don't need rituals of torn hymen/perforated anus/skewered penis blood and syrup-thick semen oozing out of perma-erections, all rendered in crystal clear HD and enhanced by the latest breakthroughs in 3-D innovation. We don't need the devil having sweaty bathroom orgies or disembowling or giving involuntary enemas or inserting cathaters on zombiefied schoolgirls. We don't need to see literally gallons of semen pouring down the eager throats of Satanists after sucking in out of each others distended assholes. And there was a time when I felt secure in assuming that the forces of decency, creative integrity, shame, and God Almighty would have joined to deny this even a production pitch. But no more. We venture forward recklessly FOOLISHLY in the name of internet tough guy-ism or the lulz or whatever you want to call our search for debatchery as a perverse, misguided attempt at testing our mettle. And that, my friends, always and only ever ends in chicks with dicks.

• I stand corrected. Someone did back me on this. And you know what really puts a bee in my bonnet about this? Alice is 10 YEARS OLD. Making everyone sexualizing this property not only a filthy disgusting person, but they'll also have to introduce themselves to me when they move into my neighborhood.

• I think that was a more of a story of a man who eventually failed to rise to the occasion.

• One piece of literature that I think needs retroactive cinematic protection. The novel has received no less than nine film adaptations since 1908, the most recent offense being the 2002 version, as well as numerous "sequels" and adaptations. While some may have been valiant efforts, it simply isn't possible to do a 1500 page novel justice. There will always be such glaring omissions and frivilous inclusions that it becomes an insult to the original work. A story with such depth, numerous intricate characters, nobody can fit even a portion of that into a two hour movie and hope to do it justice. Even Gankutsuou, in 24 episodes, couldn't get deep itno all of the story and in the end spiraled into it's own unusual tale. The Count of Monte Cristo is a masterpiece that everyone should read. It's worth the effort it takes to get through those 1500 pages. Any attempt to adapt it turns out to be an insult.

• They'd probably get Alan Rickman to play Javert. This would either rock or suck.

• That's just wicked.

• I laughed so hard at this, I think I woke the entire building. "Glazed donut"...haha. Too true. Most Alice adaptations suck, but I admit, probably to my shame, that I completely dug Syfy's reimagining.

• <i>I'm going to have to go with the game Settlers of Catan.</i> Holy cats, that was going to be my pick! Geez, I really am among my own kind here. We were just discussing last night (over Settlers) how awful a Settlers movie would be. "With Steven Segal as Red, Rosario Dawson as Orange, Dane Cook as White and Robin Williams as Blue!" Catan would be this Brigadoon-type thing that only appears every so often and the cast washes up on shore after a shipwreck and are enslaved by the alien gods who run the island to settle it by building roads and villages. Would that spell prevent televised Settlers matches?

• DONT TOUCH MY AKIRA!!! I know its been made into an anime already but NO LIVE ACTION PLEASE!!

• This may or may not count as geeky (though the series is partially comics), but my vote's for The Amory Wars. As in, the story of Coheed and Cambria. I can see how Second Stage Turbine Blade and maybe In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 could make a little sense, even though I'm quite sure that film-makers would miss a lot of marks, but it could be coherent. But when they throw in the two parts of Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV, the story gets so bat-shit insane that I'm not sure if any director could pull it off well at all. With Year of the Black Rainbow coming out in just a few weeks, who knows what that will add. Also the story from The Prize Fighter Inferno ties in. I'm sure they'd spend a ton on effects and not hire decent actors, too. Plus, I really cherish my music/comic duo, there's no need for a film.

• I shall use this power to negate the Twilight Saga. Not because I think the films didn't do justice to the books (which, by the way, having the concept of "justice" and the Twilight Saga in the same sentence fills me with rage and disgust), but primarily out of spite. If this film wasn't made, the cavalcade of shitty emo-I-live-forever-and-thusly-have-a-moody-stick-shoved-up-my-ass-vampire flicks would never have come to pass. Plus, I can finally go to the movies without my eardrums bursting from high-pitched magic-flute-voiced screeches from tweenagers whenever the Cullens roll into theaters.

• I know it would probably suck, but sometimes I picture gordon being played by Edward norton sporting a Tom Selleck moustache.

• Bananaman. Don't fuck with my Bananaman. Seriously.

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer.....I have attempted to mentally block out the original movie but when the memories occasionally come flooding back, I find myself rocking back and forth in a corner while my friends and family try to restrain my hands because I'm attempting to claw my eyes out. Putting that movie aside, making a new Buffy the Vampire Slayer would just be overkill - there's no where to go with the series or at least no where to go that would fit well into a two hour movie. The series had a great run but its over. We have to let go and move on with out lives, no matter how much it hurts. Besides, I doubt the cast would ever agree to come back together to make the movie and a movie without Brendon, Hannigan and Gellar is useless. Don't even get my started on the idea of a movie without Joss....

• Fuck Whoopi as a leprechaun?! Stick to serving drinks on the Enterprise bitch

• And that was the movie that convinced Sean Connery to retire so we lost the chance of Jones Snr removing at least some of the suck from Indy IV

• Amen. Every series has its crazy fans. Most of you on this site are proud to be a Trekkie, or a maker of painstaking nerd costumes that you walk around the house in. What makes 'Twitards' any different? I'm not defending the book or the films here, I'm defending the fans. The feral, obsessive, screaming fans. Because when it comes to all your favourite franchises you all become just like them.

• Dungeons & Dragons...what else!??? Spell: Undo crappy D&D movies and transform Peter Jackson into the greatest D&D fan ever. et voila

• Dungeons & Dragons...what else!??? Spell: Undo crappy D&D movies and transform Peter Jackson into the greatest D&D fan ever. et voila

• I don't think anyone's excited about the Spiderman reboot. And I still don't get why everyone hates Superman Returns. Yeah, Singer's departure from X-Men gave us a rushed and poorly put together X-Men 3, but Superman Returns shouldn't be thought of as 'The movie that ruined X-Men'. I kinda liked it.

• *shoots Boyle* Now if anybody tells me to 'CHILL' they're getting one between the eyes.

• Hey now! Coneheads kicks ass!

• I would have to agree with you there. Type in 'Alice in Wonderland' on Deviantart and 75% of the results is bad Manga of a barely clothed, wide-eyed Alice kissing a young, dashing Mad Hatter. Look at the original illustrations, morons, then try to picture them kissing! This also means we would still have what is in my opinion the only really great adaptation of the original books that's anything special: American McGee's Alice, because it's a video game. I vote Mermista.

• I don't know if anyone has said this allready, but Metroid. I'm allready very nervous about the fact that she talks in Other M.

• I'm game.

• No one is going to back me on this, but Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass. Know why? Because if it were simply classic literature, I wouldn't have to fucking see so many goddamned "Sexy Alices" or "Sexy Mad Hatters" every Halloween. It's not like I've ever seen a "Sexy Hester Prynne" flashing her cooter October 31st, and that bitch was known for her glazed donut.

• Any live-action Garfield film ever. I want to add a stipulation to my spell that every time Jim Davis (or anyone else in Hollywood) even thinks about marketing such a thing, some random thug appears and shoots them in the balls. I'm not sure this is really a nerd "property," as its a little kid comic, but I'm doing it anyway and striking a blow for nerdlings and nerds-in-training, everywhere.

• Agreed. Twilight is mostly just inoffensive and light melodrama aimed at young adults. As for the novel's audience, I doubt those girls are any more socially awkward than the fourteen-your-old boys religiously reading high fantasy. Consider David Eddings. I do love the Belgariad, yes, but that love is borne more out of the cheerfulness of the characters (and the inherent nostalgia attached to that series) than skillful writing or inventive storylines. Neither Eddings nor Meyer are telling particularly original stories, but they are appealing to their audience. As to those of you who find Twilight unhealthy or even dangerous because of its discomfiting depiction of romantic relationships, I agree. However, I would also point you to the unhealthy or even dangerous flaws of those series we so often adulate. Consider the oft-discomfiting racism that runs rampant throughout the Belgariad. Eddings frequently characterizes individuals strictly by their racial identity. All Mimbrates are chilvalrous morons without a brain in their heads. All Sendarians are practical to a fault. And, most uncomfortably, all Murgos are slanty-eyed killers whom the heroes are entirely justified in killing because not a single Murgo has ever entertained an original thought that doesn't revolve around the whoesale slaughter of innocents. Is this really a message we want to send to a fourteen-year-old boy reading these books with wide-eyed wonder? All members of a race act in the exact same way as all other members? Evil is entirely genetic? I don't expect much out of these novels, but neither do I ignore the presence of casual racism that is the exact same sort of justification used by "scientists" in the States to pigeonhole people of African descent as inferior. I don't condone the hints of unwholesome philosophy that exist behind either of these series, but neither should assualt be waged solely upon Twlight without first attending the beam in our own eye.

• last I heard the pilot with ABC is still happening... shudder

• No shit. The minute I finished that post I thought "I know I read something about Noonan playing the Judge somewhere." And I did. Ebert actually wrote a post last year describing why it would be an awesome choice. Hence, protect Ebert, because the man who makes that insight--and who is also responsible for the line "You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance"--deserves something much more spectacular than conventional Hollywood fare.

• Since it's retroactive I'd use the spell on "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" which would serve two purposes. First and foremost it'd erase one of the worst movies of the last decade. Secondly since the lawsuit over the movie where a screen writer accused Alan Moore of ripping off his work is what turned Moore off of movie adaptations of his work eliminating that movie would eliminate the bullshit Moore had to put up with.

• The Velveteen Rabbit. Love makes you real; Industrial Light & Magic does not.

• Look at my name. I'm racially obligated to say "THIS". But seriously, between Darby O'Gill and that tv movie where *ahem* Whoopi Goldberg was QUEEN of the LEPRECHAUNS...just fuck anything set in Ireland (that wasn't made *by* the Irish, like Wind That Shakes the Barley).

• Wonder Woman. It would never be done right because it will ultimately be Megan Fox in a red and gold bra, a blue and white thong, and numerous scenes of her tying up guys with the lasso of truth with sexy results. I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind but GEEZ if I don't get to see Batman in a torn costume covered in sexy wounds, the guys shouldn't get to see Wonder Woman in the same situation.

• And I did a find to see if it was mentioned, and my first entry was ruined. I support this for any and all wins. Fables should never be made into film, don't screw with perfection

• Brian Cox would make an excellent Shadwell.

• "A movie is not what it's about, but how it's about it." Fuck it. If you don't win, I'll send you a T-shirt. That's how great this submission is.

• I agree with almost everything you've just said, save for the knock against the "Spider-Man" flicks and... uh, the knock against "Punisher: War Zone." C'mon, that movie's fucking hilarious. As a friend of mine once wrote, it's a grim comedy with exploding bodies for punchlines. How can you not love that?

• I knew there was someone I was inexplicably forgetting to mention. The Coens could definitely do that up right. Also, hell yes to Tom Noonan. He's so perfect for the role that one wonders if McCarthy had him in mind while writing the book. Which is one more reason I don't want the film to exist - nobody besides Ti West (or Roger Ebert) would even think to cast Tom Noonan.

• 2061: Odyssey Three. Because nobody should be brave enough to make a sequel after 2001 (the movie) and yet they still made 2010. Because 2010 was in fact the most filmable of all three books with a relatively linear narrative, clear protagonist with issues, several 'big reveals' and even the Chinese as pseudo bad guys and Hollywood still managed to fuck it up. And can you imagine anyone else but Keir Dullea playing Dave Bowman? The horror! The horror!

• Oregon Trail. Don't fuck with perfection, people.

• Ok, so after posting that I realized I'm dumb and searched the page for "Enders Game" and saw two other people already suggested it. But I stand by my answer.

• I wish I wasn't so late getting to this thread, because I don't feel like reading over 200 comments to see if someone said this already, and Rob will probably never see this. But... Enders Game. I've had lengthy debates with my boyfriend about this book and how even thought it would be awesome if they made a GOOD movie version, it would be pretty much impossible to do so, for so many reasons. So we always come to the same conclusion, we'd rather NO movie, than an attempt that would without a doubt fail. And if there were kids who only knew "Enders Game" as 'that movie' I might have to start blowing up elementary schools. And no one wants that. So don't f-ing do it filmmakers. Seriously.

• You also forgot about Voldo. I don't think the world is ready to see him on the big screen.

• Hmmm. On the one hand, no Blues Brothers or Wayne's World. On the other hand, no Night at the Roxbury, Superstar, It's Pat, Stuart Smalley Saves the World, Coneheads, Blues Brothers 2000... I could go either way on this one.

• I would protect the Half Life series and all the games that are set in that universe including portal. I can just see it now, Gordan Freeman played by Chris Rock and Barny played by Jackie Chan and the G-Man played by Christopher Walken; with the whole thing played as a buddy sci fi cop flick... Hell anyone playing Gordan Freeman would be horrible because part of what makes Gordan great is the fact he never speaks. There is no studio that would ever let you make a movie where the main char never speaks...

• I would have to say if I were to have such a magic spell, I really would have no choice but to cast it on Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I don't care, I LOVE that book SO MUCH (I'm starting to think I'm not as afraid of zombies as I claim) and it's the only book I can think of that could not possibly gain anything from being made into a movie or result in any movie other than an awful, awful parody that completely misses everything that is right about the book.

• Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I was torn on this one, because, yes, a good movie might be bloody amazing, but the chances of that happening are slim to none. Crowley and Aziraphale are so brilliantly written that I doubt you could please anyone with the casting choices, and much of the idiosyncratic humor and dialogue would not translate well to the screen. Also, trying to cast Adam (and the Them) would be rather like trying to cast Ender Wiggin, and there's no kid on earth that could live up to playing him.

• Of all the games I have played, there is only one that has continued to hold a special place in my heart----Chrono Trigger. From the storyline, to the gameplay, I can't measure the time spent on this game without using weeks, or even months, because hours would require a number too large to use in a short entry. If I could take one property off the table, well, that's what I would pick. To me, no adaptation to movie or television could do it justice. Especially not a game that was so much fun, entertaining and had such replay value. We're talking about a game that even on a 16 bit console, was massive and not for a casual play. Multiple endings, a storyline that utilizes time travel, fantasy scenarios, even numerous side missions which effected the various time periods. If I wanted to treasure the game, I will play trhough it, with the anime cutscenes added for its Playstation version enhancing an already movie like game, it needs no further interprestation. Chrono Trigger, I would keep you safe. **I have not read the other entries, so I do not know if this is one somebody else picked as well.

TotalComments: 100