?I have a pet cat. Her name is Science and she catches mice in my apartment to drop on my pillow when I’m taking a nap. I think she’s the bee’s knees, but I’ll admit, there are some times when I think about getting another pet. I don’t tell Science this.
We’ve all dreamed about going outside the normal animal kingdom for an animal companion at one point or another. It’s hard not to when so many books, movies, comics, videogames and more show both regular animals at their best — i.e., understanding your commands and/or never even considering shitting behind the couch — and fantastical creatures like dragons and robot dogs and alien critters that never consider sitting behind the couch (the irony being that these are the animals that any young nerd would happily clean up the shit behind the couch for to have as his pet pal). So here are ten awesome fictional pets that would probably violate the terms of your apartment lease, but they’d would be wonderful pals and companions. And at the very least, they’d really impress all your friends when they come over.
Daily List suggested by Michael.
When you’re zipping around time in the TARDIS, having a pet that isn’t made of damageable flesh is a plus. K-9 may be a tad clunky, and slow, but he’s loyal and he stays alive for decades with only minimal maintenance (Sarah Jane’s been keeping him for years with modern British repair technology). And he keeps only the most exciting company!
9) Pen Pen
Most birds don’t make for good pets. They smell bad and they’re not fun to pet, plus they shake all the time when you stare at them too long. But Pen Pen from Neon Genesis Evangelion is the kind of pet bird you want. He’s smart, has un-penguin-like claws, and reads the newspaper. You’ll have to put up a special refrigerator for him, and polish his nameplate, but you’ve got a bipedal pal who’s the life of parties.
?Like birds, monkeys are a pain in the ass as pets. The first season of Friends showed us that. But when you’re Yorick, the last man on Earth from Y the Last Man, having a Capuchin monkey with you makes you a little less lonely. Ampersand, the last dude monkey on Earth was raised to be a helper monkey, and he ended up helping the whole human race. And he was a cute little monkey!
Like Pen Pen, Polly from G.I. Joe is the exception that proves the rule. Polly may have been annoying, but we tuned in every afternoon to watch her annoy Shipwreck. She was clever, way more clever than all the other G.I. Joe pets. Freedom? Booooring, didn’t talk. Order? Silly dog. Timber? Who wants a big wolf as a pet? You have to clean up after it and can’t keep it in city limits. But Polly? She’s in the military and has a smart mouth. Why IDW hasn’t brought her into the new Joe fold, we don’t know.
Dragons rule. Sadly, most of them want to destroy you, ala Reign of Fire. Now, this new film How to Train Your Dragon is trying to change all that, but the animated friendly dragon from our childhood is Elliot from Disney’s Pete’s Dragon. He’s mostly invisible and people think you’re making him up, but as we’ve seen, he likes to beat the hell out of dirty hillbillies. And if you’re a TR reader who doesn’t live in a major city, you know how important that skill is.
?The Inhumans aren’t Marvel’s premiere superhero team, but they have Marvel’s premiere pet: Lockjaw the giant teleporting dog with a mustache! He’s happy to ‘port you where you need to go, and he’s great with kids. Issue #8 of The Inhumans actually told a story told through his point of view, when he walked through the action just looking for someone to play with him and his Ben Grimm toy. Love, love, love this dog.
4) Plopper, a.k.a. Spider-Pig
The list of lovable Simpsons pets goes on and on (who wouldn’t love Mr. Teeny or Santa’s Little Helper in their backyard?), but Plopper is all squealy and lovable and most importantly you can put him in stupid situations and he just takes it like a pig. Plus he’s a television star, appearing in an ad for Krusty Burger wearing a chef’s hat. A clothes-wearing pig who you can walk on the ceiling? Oh, real life, why can’t you be like The Simpsons?
3) The Blob
The interesting character from the video game title A Boy and His Blob (no one gave a damn about the boy). He follows you everywhere, he’s helpful, and he turns into stuff when you feed him jellybeans. Need a ladder for something? Feed him a jellybean. Need a blowtorch? Feed him a jellybean. You’ve just saved yourself $100 at the hardware store by buying two jellybeans. Too bad that most blobs are mindless monsters that want to eat you instead of jellybeans.
?Harry Potter got out of the hard parts of raising an owl. He never had to clean owl shit, he never had to find edible mice, and he never had to follow it around all day, making sure that it wasn’t scratching people’s eyes out. But he did get the benefit of mail delivery. And in a world where most city-dwellers have to walk all the way to the post office just to pick up a small package, that comes in handy.
?Isaac Asimov gave us a lot of science fiction to chew on, including a series of books for kids called the “Norby” series. They told of a stout robot named Norby, his partner Jeff Wells, and Oola, the all-purpose pet. Most of the time Oola took the form of a green cat, but she could sprout wings, fly, breathe underwater, and communicate with you telepathically. The kind of pet who you can talk to, and then watch as it flies around the room. A pet for all seasons, and hypo-allergenic, too.