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There are more than 30 Honorable Mentions and the two winning entries are just ludicrously long, so they're all on the next two pages. But two announcements first:
• There will be no TR contest this week. Partially because I need to order more shirts, and partially because it took me six full hours to judge and post this contest. Even when there are less entries, the entries are invariably longer and harder to judge. Point is I need a small break.
• Second announcement: There was a small comment thread requesting that I focus on contest that require creativity -- like the haiku contests, or name the destroyer -- as opposed to these types of contests, where people tell about previous nerdy experiences. Frankly, I love both types, and am trying to run both equally. If you think I'm erring here, lemme know in the comments. And, as always, I welcome more contest ideas of either type in this very article's comments. And by welcome, I mean "please?" Now, see your winners and mentions after the jump.
Many of the Honorable Mentions did not follow the rules. They're not all tales of bad role-playing. As mentioned earlier, some of are tales of awesome role-playing. Some are just funny. Since I crack up just at reading shit like "Ok, so we were playing White Wolf's Dark Ages Vampire. I was playing a geisha Toreador and my friend was an ex crusader Ventrue and we had a bad habit of getting into trouble if ever left alone" this might explain why there are so many of them.
• Jerry: "So I told him I would wait him out until he stops playing his 20 fucking flutes, which he replies he will play them forever."
• Cerebe: "My party managed the rest of the campaign dressed as the Village People... in medieval Europe."
• Mock26, for redefining what it means to be hit with the plot wagon
• Krystal, for "The Chupacabra Incident"
• random person: "Except for the one girl who played a LG-aligned green dragon who was obese and could only fly by means of magic and kept her cache of treasure in her fat folds."
• losferwords: "She looks at me with total confidences and says 'Well, I take out my mace... and I SPRAY 'IM WITH IT! RIGHT IN HIS UGLY FACE!!' and she mimes spraying a tiny aerosol bottle with great determination."
• LadySheeana, for making magical love connections between unwilling participants at the age of 9
• DrahcirWolf's telling warning against the use of "elvish herbs" at the RPG table
• Mittens, for "Stealy" and "Stabby"
• Kayla for the truth: "Hell hath no fury like a role playing, D&D'ing woman scorned."
• Kebabyuchenko for drinking until he vomited on his own game of Space Hulk
• Kilroy: "My party had just saved a town of halflings, I then used my balls as an improvised weapon, and teabagged wounded halflings to death."
• GruesomeDuck, for his tale of a friend who used a snake as a flail and managed to beat a dragon to death with it
• Fanboy, for some nonsense involving killing an interdimensional flying whale from the inside using a portal
• Sara, for reminding us all why more girls don't play table-top RPGs (I.e., many, many boys suck)
• Michael A. Ventrella, for telling a story where comic writer Mark Waid, as a wizard, managed to electrocute his entire party
• GAJoe: "I played [a game]while in the midst of a nasty break-up with my fiancée, in which I set myself on fire, ran head first into a tree, and then tried to stab myself repeatedly out of despair. The DM wouldn't let me die, so it got fairly ugly. Anyway..."
• Zade, who's tragically amazing amount of time spent playing The Eternal Forest is matched only by his tragic begging for a TR shirt
• zybones, for the best vampire name I have ever heard of, Duke Batface
• barthvader, for playing a character who was covered in giant bat guano, which was set on fire and exploded
• Ghost, whose boyfriend played a half-orc warrior named, fantastically, International Codpiece
• Lincolnparadox, who killed God with a Rambo-style, jury-rigged magical exploding arrow because God gave him sass
• Lisa Lake: "C.T. Hulu and Sons meat processing!"
• Galen: "I was an "Afro-wookie" named Boog who only spoke the words Ooonie Goo Goo, which translated to 'I am Boog. I am Boog. I am Boog.'"
• The Other Ken for killing Wolverine on five separate occasions
• Wulfiebaby: "Chaotic Evil? Feels more like Chaotic Rich, muthafucka!"
• astrokender: "I played a kender in one campaign. Apparently that is enough to warrant an elaborate death from the DM." [As is right and proper]
• "Starman" Matt Morrison for playing Joker in a superhero RPG where the Joker saved more lives than the heroes... just to be an asshole
• Div: "...and that's the story of the Electric Circumcision of Grumble Buggerall, Gnome Druid Extraordinaire."
• Lacroix, who witnessed a player ignore his dead in-game wife (played by his current, real-life girlfriend) to go through the loot
• AllHailThoon for turning a chance Cyberpunk encounter into a lucrative venture by having the foresight to have an organ-storing mini-fridge in her leg
• Glitchy Goblin for... you just have to read it
• Gyran Gymble for UNIONIZING AN ORC TRIBE
And I'd like to give a extra special but not strictly honorable mention to 5318008, who disqualified himself by entering three times, but each one was a fantastic story worth reading. Had he picked one, he might have won. But instead, the two gents on the next page did.
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