How it's 2010 and we don't have a gameshow like Smash TV is beyond us. We have reality shows about stupid people racing each other around the world, stupid people performing having too many babies, and stupid people getting in fights because they have no business being part of civilized society (and who happen to be from New Jersey) -- but none where these people kill or be killed in the attempt to win fabulous cash and prizes? Bull and shit.
Maybe what we need is some celebrity contestants to make it happen. Who wouldn't watch to see a celebrity fighting to stay alive? No one, that's who. Why a celebrity be would willing to risk his or her life for nothing more than material possessions is beyond us (well, other than Stephen Baldwin), but hell, it's not our problem. So here are seven celebrities we think would make for a Smash TV smash.
Daily List suggested by Paul.
7) Arnold Schwarzenegger
Since Smash TV is based off The Running Man anyways, why not have Arnold Schwarzenegger compete? Well, maybe not now, but Ahnuld circa 1985, when he was a heap of taut muscle and not worn out from years of Governating and disgraced from Terminator 3. Very likely he would be killed in about 30 seconds as he's merely a very well-built actor, but it would be an exciting 30 seconds if he's even able to pull off a single kill like in the video above.
6) Macho Man Randy Savage
Macho Man Randy Savage makes just about anything better, and Smash TV would be no exception. Here is a man who already knows the violent spotlight and who knows how to entertain a crowd. Also, the man is so intense you never know if at any minute he is going to kill someone or have one of the veins in his forehead explode. He doesn't even need a gun, he'll just snap into opponents like a Slim Jim. Additionally, having the Macho Man is the closest thing to having the Kool-Aid Man play Smash TV. OH YEEEEEAAAAHHHHH
5) Crispin Hellion Glover I doubt it would take any convincing for noted actor/lunatiic Crispin Glover to sign up shooting people for cash and prizes -- of course the famed director of "What is it?" and Mr. George McFly would want to be in a game show where there was horrible amounts of violence, snake robots, and a whole bunch of other things that don't make sense. Hell, fighting the upper torso of a giant on a tank is probably just a regular Tuesday night for him. Plus he's really strong, as the above clip indicates.
4) Muhammad Ali
At one time Muhammad Ali was so revered as a fighter that DC had him fight Superman. So let's say that we get the champ from the late 1960s and have him fight all the way to the Pleasure Dome. Most likely, The Greatest would simply move like a butterfly and sting his way through the doors on his way to the final bosses of each level, where he knocks them out faster than your Xbox 360 red rings after one year. But the betting would be fantastic.
3) Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney would be good because I am pretty sure he can't die. Satan must be at work somewhere if Jim Henson dies of strep at 53 and Dick Cheney has had five heart attacks and is still going at 69. Not only that, but the man is clearly ruthless, approves of torture, will shoot a friend in the face with a shotgun, and has a passing resemblance to Mutoid Man (probably because they are brothers). Clearly this is a man who will kill for money and make for damn exciting television.
2) William Shatner
I'm not talking about the 33-year old Star Trek era Shatner, I'm talking about the 78-year old Shatner we still see doing things like the closing ceremonies of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics or fighting his evil twin for better hotel deals. This is the Shatner that is just too cool to not make his way to the final boss, the evil host of Smash TV -- and then Shatner could become the host. Think about it! If you think you don't want to see people fight a giant robotic William Shatner to the death on live TV, you are absolutely lying to yourself.
1) Felicia Day
Ms. Day probably wouldn't actually be a great fighter. Hardly proficient with a gun at all, she would find herself in deep crap very quickly. That's where the entertaining part would come in -- the nerd sacrfices. The first sign of trouble, some obsessed nerd would quickly jump from the audience and get exert themselves more five glorious minutes than their entire lives combined The entire game would consist of shouts of "I will save you my love!" or "Nooooo!" and sights like a man in a XXXL Green Lantern shirt hurling himself belly-first on a mine, or a series of 100-pound acne-coated types being beated to death with clubs. This could go on for hours of nerd holocaust as thousands of dork throw their lives away all for the love of a very confused and/or horrified woman.
You've got to be kidding me. This guy did not have to take English in college due to he tested out at Master level as a Freshmen. What planet do you live on geek.
Gary Busey is a no brainer to me.
Though sounding vaguely familiar i wasn't sure who Felicia Day was, not a big Buffy fan-but then after a Googling i saw her dressed at some convention as "Slave Leia". NNNOOOOOOO!!!!! - Pop! Pop! Pop! -SPLAT!
SUMMER FUCKING GLAU??! This is MADNESS!!!
Yes... someone brought up the almighty Dolph...
and my faith in nerds is restored. Y'know, Dolph would have been a great choice for Sabretooth.
I know I'd pay money to see Summer Glau and Michael Bay get slaughtered on television.
Yeah, he was "in-character", if in character means fucked up on LSD.
Seriously, if you've ever been or talked to a person under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs, you know it when you see it.
Besides that, being in character?
And Letterman somehow didn't know this, although they rehears the interview before they go live?
I guess Crispin Glover just suddenly assumed he would be "in character" for a movie he isn't promoting or mentioning on the show, without informing anyone.
Or his agent was trying to save face when they claimed that he was in character while making an ass of himself on national television.
That's a pretty good argument.
What....no Richard Simmons?
Agreed. Unless... he's RUNNING Smash TV.
forgot about Paris hilton though she would proalby just stand around and say that is hot or she does not get the concept up to her demise.
I'm really surprised that Dolph Lundgren wasn't number one. I mean, this site alone has shown us all the Dolph can do (there ain't much he can't) and I think he would easily take the game to a whole new level (while singing then entire time).
She's a hot redhead who is not only nerdy, but is proud of her nerdiness, and is an amazing actress/singer/director. What's not to love about her?
Why are you implying that being gay is something demeaning?
Thanks everyone. Buffy, Dollhouse, see it, still can't place the name or face.
i hadda look her up on wiki..
I can't believe it's 2010 and we have yet to see a first-person 3D on-line version of Smash T.V.......I'D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR!!
"Amen"
There's a good selection of celebs who could kick ass here, but what I'd like to see are a few candidates who either don't care about or can't understand the concept of their impending death, but are willing to do anything for publicity--Paris Hilton would be a good place to start.
Hear, hear! How's about a little solidarity?
I've never heard of Felecia Day either. Geeks are a diverse breed, just because one particular icon is familiar to some of us, it doesn't follow that they'd be familiar to all of us.
Thus we should show some magnaminity and educate our brothers and sisters rather than just dropping a truckload of snark on them and congratulating ourselves for our superior nerddom.
That sort of behavior is why "normal people" hate Geeks.
Would Cheney get his Iron Man suit?
I'm just happy that I'm responsible for the Weirdest list yet. That's my big prize for the day.
That and the plutonium I just received! Woohoo!
was it the one where he was going on about his magic crystals? I was watching another show and they showed a clip of him going fucking bonkers. "Yeah I know the crystals aren't working, that's why I'm wearing all of them!!" -flailing-
It's from the film "Rubin and Ed" which I own on VHS. If you think that was insane, watch the movie. "My cat can eat a whole watermelon!"
Now that the world has other cute gals taking off -- Alison Brie, Emma Stone, Kat Dennings, etc -- Felicia Day's on her own! Sorry, Felicia, but you're no longer all that cute anymore.
My wife loves the show the hills and I was forced to watch an ep this week and someone mentioned spencer pratt and I will second that if you think crispin glover is nuts then spencer pratt is KUFCING INSANE this dude is on the edge of breaking and it would be glorious to see him in the pleasure dome
Hey Brokehart Mountain take it easy. I dont know who the hell she is either.
People please stop using "sir" at the end of a sentence. It is bad enough that we are all nerds but for f--- sake don't make it worse.
All it does is make you a dirty colostomy bag.
Why is Felicia Day so popular? Is it just cause she's a nerd girl?
"Very likely he would be killed in about 30 seconds as he's merely a very well-built actor"
Erm, no, he's a former Mr. Universe and 7 time Mr. Olympia. He's still the size of an upright pony and he keeps the Conan sword in his governor's office. This man is the epitome of all that is good in action movies (except Terminator 3). He is the governor of the world's sixth largest economy and married to a Kennedy... wait, maybe Arnold should be the final boss?
Because it's spot-on and hilarious. I literally laughed out loud at the description because I have seen numerous nerds white knighting Felicia Day if you even suggest that she's not the most beautiful woman in the world.
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The same effect would happen with Joss Whedon, though. Nerds would jump out and take bullets for him, screaming "Buffy was the best show ever!" and "I'm not going to let them kill you like they killed Firefly!"
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=felicia+day
I once did a blog posting about how it was not possible for there to be a God as Bernie Mack died while Dick Cheney soldiered on unstoppably.
This list is edit-fail.
Also, how is it not "top 1400 celebrities that would make..."? The mind boggles at what one could do with a well-armed cadre of reality stars, balding rock stars (I'm looking at you, Lars Ulrich) and Ben Stiller inventing a new character that he'd stay in even through massive blood loss.
I wanna know which celeb could actually WIN with the least effort. I'm gonna go with Russell Crowe, though I'm thinking Sam Jackson is gonna be the crowd favorite. And for the 7,500th day in a row, I lament the early demise of Bruce Lee.
What? No Chuck Norris? I would pay good money to see his "facts" get put to the test!
All I can think of when I look at that Ali/Superman comic book is "Who does that bastard down in front with the giant ears think he is? GEEZ!"
Seconded. At least use spell check.
i would have had Dick Cheney at number one for he would one be the host and boss of the show but also the real challenge would be trying to kill him for the guy can not seem to die. plus would have put Spencer pratt on the list for most would tune in just to see him try and fight. a good list. too bad no network would ever okay a real version due to the concept and the violence not even HBO
Big Money! Big Prizes! I love it!
I would die for you my Dear Felicia!
(Cue Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do I Do It For You" song")
The scene shows the death and carnage of many, many, many, geeks & nerds dying (in slow mo of course) for their fair maiden Felicia Day.
Oh the humanity!
But I would definitely watch that for a dollar!
I was going to suggest Vladimir Putin, but I think he's really more of a final boss. Does Sukhoi make robot suits that eject armed jet-pod escape capsules?
Would it kill the guys who write these lists to brush up on their grammar?
You are not worthy to be here, sir! The Guild and Dr. Horrible--if you're not familiar, GET familiar. F.
It was very Kaufman-esque of him.
That picture of Dick Cheney is the best thing I will see on the interwebs all day. Thank you.
They're going to make us look her up on Wiki, aren't they?
Um, well Crispin Fucking Glover, that's who!
Because it's often an accurate stereotype, and if nerds can't laugh at ourselves, then it's just kind of sad.
Also, I don't care what the text in the Felicia Day entry said, that picture is one of the funniest photoshops I've ever seen. That's a free pass if I've ever seen one.
Sorry, but who is Felicia Day?
Felicia Day? Maybe.
Codex? DEFINITELY.
I am a little disappointed with your depiction of nerds for Felicia Day. This is a nerd site, right? So why perpetuate the stereotype?
I just checked out the Wikipedia page on Crispin Glover and it turns out he was in character for a then unreleased movie. But who does an interview as a character no one's ever heard of?
How did Gary Busey not make this list?
I'm not sure who I'd rather see win and become the new evil host: Shatner or <I>Hasselhoff</i>.
TotalComments: 54
Nerd news, humor and self-loathing.Edited by Rob Bricken
