5) The Montauk Monster
Imagine strolling along a beach on a warm summer day, sand squeezing gently between your toes as gentle waves pound the shoreline and you debate with your friends about which flavor of Italian Ice is the best. (Lemon, all the way.) Suddenly, a pungent aroma slaps you in the nose and your eyes follow a trail of bustling flies down to a rotting corpse that the sea has spat upon the beach. You recognize that it's definitely some kind of land animal that must have drowned, but you can't for the life of you identify just what in the hell species it could be. It looks like a lot of creatures, but not quite. That, we illustratively imagine, is the kind of experience beachgoers had when they encountered a mostly hairless, partially decomposed creature on a beach near Montauk, New York in July of 2008. Cell phone pictures of the dead beast have circulated and experts can't seem to agree on what it was. A raccoon is the current leading theory, but others think it could have been a dog, a turtle or a really big rat. We prefer the alternate theory - that the creature was a deformed mutant created as the nearby Plum Island Animal Disease Center, a government animal testing facility. Also keep in mind that Montauk is the home of the former military bases Camp Hero and Montauk Air Force Station, where the government supposedly conducted dangerous time travel experiments in the early 1950s (a.k.a. The Montauk Project). Could the Montauk Monster have been some creature from an earlier age brought forth in time??? That would kick ass. Get on it, Hollywood.
4) The Sirrush
It's long been thought by some that some ancient legends of strange beasts might have had a basis in truth, depicting animals that are extinct today but might have survived long enough to encounter our ancestors. One such creature is the Sirrush, a dragon-like beast with a long neck, talon-like back legs and feline-like forelegs that is depicted on the Ishtar gate, constructed in Babylon about 2,600 years ago. The Sirrush was depicted on the gate alongside real animals like lions, and depictions of it remained the same throughout the centuries in Babylonian artwork, unlike the ever-changing appearances of mythical creatures. A Babylonian creature that could have been the Sirrush also appeared in some versions of the Bible in the deuterocanonical story "Bel and the Dragon," in which it was slain by Daniel. Some cryptozoologists think the Babylonians encountered the Sirrush in Africa or imported it and that it was a surviving dinosaur. And some people think dinosaurs exist in Central Africa until this day. In any case, where is our Bible movie with dinosaurs?
While the Loch Ness Monster generally gets most of the attention, just about every lake in the world has tales of its own serpent. Lake Champlain, a body of water that is similar in size to Loch Ness and borders Quebec, New York and Vermont is no different, but Champ (as it's affectionately called) has had a high number of sightings and supposed evidence that rivals her Scottish cousin. The first recorded sighting of Champ (aside from Native American legends and a probably apocryphal account of French explorer Samuel de Champlain spotting the beast while fighting Iroquois on the banks of the lake) was in 1883, fifty years before Nessie became a widely known phenomenon. And compared to the Loch Ness Monster, there is similar but perhaps slightly more convincing evidence of Champ's existence (as convincing as this type of evidence gets, anyway). There are somewhat clearer photos and videos of Champ, recent echolocation recordings of sounds made by an unidentified large animal in the lake, and a government report from 2008 suggesting some unknown factor had been causing unusual fluctuations in fish populations - which proponents of Champ of course connected to the monster's dining schedule. You're just going to have to take Wikipedia's word on the last point, since we can't be bothered to dig through multiple 600-page government documents about sea lamprey control programs in Lake Champlain. Champ is also the mascot of the Class A baseball team The Vermont Lake Monsters. Oh no, we foresee some crappy CGI movie about sea monsters playing baseball!
Since Sasquatch wasn't cool enough on his own, there is now supposedly a version of him that can fly. Batsquatch is said to live near Mt. Saint Helens and possibly appeared during the volcano's eruption in 1980, a winged harbinger of doom with bright red eyes, similar to the more renowned Mothman from West Virginia. Batsquatch is described as a nocturnal primate with bat-like features, purple skin and wings like a pteranodon, who is blamed for the disappearance of various livestock in the area. The only documented sighting is said to be from a mountain climber named Butch Whittaker, who claimed to have taken pictures of the soaring beast in 1994. Good luck trying to find any of those photos on the Internet. Truth be told, every last damned thing about Batsquatch seems like a hoax, especially if you visit the site dedicated to the creature
. But that doesn't mean Batsquatch wouldn't be a killer idea for a movie. The name sells itself.
1) The Bloop
The cool thing about the Bloop is that it's very real, its existence supported by underwater sound recordings made by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) throughout the summer of 1997. The Bloop (nicknamed thus because that's what it sounds like) was detected several times in a remote section of the Pacific Ocean, west of the southern tip of South America. It was an ultra-low frequency but extremely strong sound that matched the kind of noises made by marine creatures. However, it was much louder than any known animal, suggesting the Bloop might be bigger than the Blue Whale, the largest animal known to have ever existed
(or perhaps the Bloop is just the loudest creature known to man. Or both). The Bloop is such a fascinating yet freaky subject that it has already inspired a few novelists, although the creature hasn't made it to the big or small screen yet that we know of (not counting an alternate reality game for the movie Cloverfield
that suggested its titular monster was the source). For a big screen adaptation, we suggest Hollywood put the novel The Loch
by Steve Alten on the fast-track. Alten not only featured the Bloop; he also did one better and linked in to the Loch Ness Monster! Steve Alten is awesome. Another fun fact: The location of the Bloop was near the fictional sleeping place of Cthulhu in the works of H.P. Lovecraft. Uh oh.