Fan Fiction Friday: Optimus Prime and Princess Leia in "Love Beyond Circuits, Love Beyond Flesh"

By Rob Bricken in Cartoons, Movies, Nerdery
Friday, June 18, 2010 at 2:41 pm

R2-D2 got very placid and calm. After he saw those happy faces on the portraits, he knew Optimus would never hurt him inside there. So, R2 looked around and found a button. It was an elevator button, that raised him up in the bowels. R2 arrived at a tight place, where his metal body got stucked. At first R2 got scaried, but them, the elevator got down, and got up, and down, and up, making a sine wave pattern movement with R2-D2. R2 thought a bit, and felt a pleasure down his electrical circuits and optical cables. Anal sex is like this? If it is, he really like a lot! He was upping and downowing, rubbing inside Optimus upper bowel. Paraffin wax got sprayed over R2 to help lubricate.

I want to discuss the insanity of R2 apparently being entirely in Prime's ass, or the sudden use of paraffin wax as a lubricant (which is apparently only used for lubricating bullets, which makes ComicsNix's commitment to accurate robot sexual lubricant in his stories even more complete and terrifying, but the fact of the matter is I still can't get over the fact that OPTIMUS PRIME'S ASS HAS PORTRAITS IN IT OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE PREVIOUSLY FUCKED HIM IN THE ASS.

Optimus bowel's walls were made of carbon nanotubes covered with soft pinky pillows of pure petunia's cotton. They ajusted on the fly the pressure over R2 body and the elevator speed, acording to R2-D2 willingness to go deeper with his innermost sexual fantasies. At first R2 wanted togo slow, to fell the texture on his metal cover. But latter, his inhibition got away, and the elevator got faster, and Optimus got a surprise for him. Neon gas tubes apeared on the walls, and a range of different colors illuminate inside Optimus's ass with all colors of the spectrum. It was a really shame R2-D2 couldn't smell the daisy fragance permeating Optimus Prime's anus. R2 had no nose.

As R2-D2 was a robot, even infrared and ultraviolet colors appeared, and that profusion of rainbow happyness filled R2-D2 with the purest passion he never had from his robotic pairs. He always was considered the freak of the robot school. Every robot dispised him, because of his adventurous ambition. He wanted to see the stars, the other life forms. He didn1t want to be a hamburger frying slave all of his life, doing menial tasks that no one would remember in the future. No, he wanted to be remembered, wanted to leave a mark on history.

His robotic schoolmates were just stupid for him, so he picked fights all the grades he did. Trouble was hhis name and no one loved him, because no one approved his future plans for his life. But finally, he found someone robot that can see him from inside, someone that want to please him, that wants to give a hand and collect nothing in return. C3-PO is his friend, but Optimus is his lover.

Has ComicsNix not seen Star Wars Episodes 1-5? Does he not remember R2-D2 saving the galaxy on several occasions, get cleaned by queens, setting evil robots on fire, carrying the Death Star plans, all that shit? Hasn't Artoo left his mark on history to his own satisfaction? And why is ComicsNix so determined for the metal lubricants to be accurate, but doesn't bother to make R2's motivation and back story jibe with the movies? Am I concentrating on this in a desperate attempt to ignore the fact that Optimus Prime's asshole is apparently the happiest, most beautiful place in the universe? POSSIBLY.

To return the favour to Optimus opening his eyes to the sexual lust all robots should have in their lifes, R2-D2 started to expell small shock waves inside Optimus bowel, giving the Autobot the most tender demonstration of love and gratitute he ever recieved in his life. This action reflected at Optimus penis, that got slightly more elongated, something that pleased Leia:

"Optimus Prime" said Princess Leia with a sensual voice, "you are a very horny individual!"

"Oh Leia, don't say that. Actually, this is the first time someone rubs my dick."

While rubbing Optimus dick with her humid engorged vagina, Leia felt a bit sorry for that robot:

You know what else is humid and engorged?

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Just sayin'.

"Oh Optimus, you don't use your cock with much frequency don't you?"

Optimus lowered his head and sighed:

"...no. It is a problem being this tall. My autobot friends don't have sexual apeetites actually. Being the leader, I'm the only capable of maintaning sexual intercouse systems. No other autobot have it...and being anally penetrated don't really give me chills."

Well, thanks for pointing that out after Artoo spent 20 minutes spelunking inside your Dar Caves of Mystery. Jerk.

Leia got tears in her eyes. She embrace Optimus dick very hard, trying to consolate that lone robot...but life is not that easy. She wanted to be twenty foot tall that moment.

"Allright!" said Jabba to Optimus from the microphone "my engineers are going to adapt this organic penis at your crotch. This will give somethnig more consitent in terms of action to our marvellous costumers." and a couple of alien men went and started to addaptate the strange alien penis to Prime's body.

Are you ready for this? No. You're not. But it's happening anyways.

That penis was the property of a long dead alien. Jar Jar Binks to be more exact.

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I think only four Head Explodes at this news shows a remarkable amount of restraint on my part.

After the jedi massacre by the Emperor and Lord Vader, Jar Jar was captured when he was hiding at Tatooine by Jabba's bontyhunters. He was tortured for a week without rest, and after that time, his body got quartered and his penis was sealed inside a carbonite container. A little trophy Jabba had been saving, but his new business need some sacrifices to be made, so now he uses Jar Jar's penis for a greater purpose.

I'm beginning to feel that Jabba has some issues.

After a while, it's done. The penis is active and Optimus can control it. His entire life he has been praying for a small penis, and now, he have one, given by his owner Jabba. Leia looked Optimus eyes and smilled tenderly. The Jar Jar penis got attached on the top of Optimus metal penis. It looked like a small phimosis.

From Wikipedia: "Phimosis (fī-mō'sĭs, fĭ-), from the Greek phimos (φῑμός ("muzzle")), is a condition where, in men, the male foreskin cannot be fully retracted from the head of the penis. The term may also refer to clitoral phimosis in women, whereby the clitoral hood cannot be retracted, limiting exposure of the glans clitoridis."

There's a picture if you're interested. If not, just try to imagine someone glued a flesh-colored Skittle onto the head of someone's dick. There, now you're ready! Assuming your brain function hasn't ceased entirety at ComicsNix's use of -- and correct use of -- the word "phimosis."

Leia climb his metal dick and reach the top. The moment arrived, finally, Optimus can fuck. Leia slowly put his alien dick inside her wet vagina, and Prime enjoy. Leia doesn't even is felling ashamed of showing her sexual skills in front of millions of spectators. This moment is owned by the two, and they live it to the maximum their bodies permit.

To recap: Optimus Prime is fucking Princess Leia with Jar Jar Binks' dick. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

But now, they are reaching their climaxes, and Optimus didn't thought a plan on how to go away. But Leia, while fucking looked to Optimus eyes and made lips movements, and Prime read her lips:

"Contact...Luke...his phone number...is...1...2...3...63...26...7.4...2...4...753.1." and Optimus did. No one could know he was doing that, they had no telephone jammers at the Colisseum. While in contaact with Luke Skywalker, Optimus gave him cordinates of Jabba's palace, and now, he can save Leia.

If you're at all troubled by the fact that Luke Skywalker apparently has a cellphone in this story, YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT THE WRONG THINGS.

The climax arrived. This is the moment Optimus and Leia have been waiting, they consumation of their love for one another, the most pleasurable experience a robot can achieve in his fight directed existence. The Jar Jar penis is ready to cum...Leia's pussy is getting tighter...R2-D2 is already cuming his cumming liquids. ..and them...it fails.

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Jar Jar's penis get flacid and not a small drip of juice get out. It simply failed. Leia lowered her head, all of the costumers started to shout, profanize and throw tomatoes and lettuces at the sex slaves. Jabba got angry, because his plan got all wrong, and everyone want the money back. But the slaves will pay!

Dude, don't blame the slaves. BLAME THE ASSHOLE WHO GAVE THEM JAR JAR'S SEVERED PENIS.

After they returned inside Jabba's palace, Jabba started to talk to them:

"Now, I gonna kill you all, starting by..." but he was interupted.

"Sir, Luke Skywalker is heading to our direction."

"Luke uh...the execution will wait...come on robots and Leia...you Optimus, stay in the cage, or Leia dies in the Sarlacc pit if I come back and don't see you!" and Optimus stayied at the cell. Leia told him to go away. Luke could save them. But he wanted to stay...his love for her created a strong bound between them. But no, the autoboys are priority...he must go back and save them. Optimus sneaked out of the palace and stole a ship and headed to earth.

Yes, Jabba just said he'll kill Leia if Prime leaves. Yes, Prime left anyways. Yes, it makes no sense. OPTIMUS PRIME HAS DISNEYLAND IN HIS ASS, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT

While in the ship heading back...he felt something inside his pocket. It was a letter! From Leuia! It reads:

"Optimus, we are in middle of a war, and you and your companions too. But, after all of this ends, please...come back. Now I know who the men of my life is...it's not Solo, it you. I must stay with him after you depart...but if you come back...my arms will be open for you. Love you so much, Leia" and the letter ends. Optimus knew he had a long battle against the Decepticons...but one day...he will make his woman happy...one day.

THE END. Happy birthday, Nikki. Now if you excuse me I need to drink forever.

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