The New Topless Robot Slogan: And the Winners Are…

?You know how I bitch all the time about it being so hard to pick the winners? Not this time. I’m not 100%, but I knew the three winning entries the minute I saw them — and the Honorable Mentions for the most part, too. Not to say that the entries that didn’t get selected were bad — not at all, they were generally fantastic — it’s just that there were about 30 extra fantastic ones.

The other thing I learned about this list is that it’s much, much easier for me to judge the “submit only one line” type contests instead of the “write me a story” type contests. That’s very obvious in retrospect, but I am a fucking moron, so I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that it took me this long to figure out. I still have a backlog of contest ideas from the suggest a TR contest contest, but if any of you have any other suggestions for contests that require only short answers, I’d appreciate ’em.

All right, enough gab. The honors and/or mentions are after the jump.

spoon07 (with an assist from j m) said:

copy edting is four pussies

DrowningLessons said:

Defining Nerd Taste Since 2012

mythbri said:

Our Responsible This.

brainneek said:

nerd stuff, not a cherry 2000 fan site

Kayla said:

The best of the best, and we lvoe this website

Bluebird said:

making your friends and family think you like robot porn since 2008

Xvi said:

Because Harry Knowles creeps you the fuck out

murphys law said:

In cyber-space, no one can here you scream

El Torino said:

Eh, it updates often enough, and you’re really bored at work

EShea said:

Better than an Adrianne Barbeau-bot with chainsaw hands

Jaymus Yawsley said:

More Rad Than Great White Snark

Abraxas said:

Erudition Toward Reliance

tasurinchi said:

Because Your Water Discipline Is Weak

Joseph’sConrad said:

when being anti-social brings people together

ryogasasaki said:

 
Protecting the world from devastation

j m said:

Far superior to Topless Gobot

JediCreeper said:

We Love What We Hate and Hate What We Love

Izandra said:

Lowering productivity, sanity, and sobriety since 2008

Robert Garlen said:

the only news source for nerds that sounds like a nerdy porn site

Kaoy said:

Krak! Bang! Pow! Nerd Blogs aren’t just for kids anymore!

the_shrubbery said:

The only place on the internet where you never thank god it’s Friday

Andy2H said:

60% Hate, 40% Love, 100% Nerd.

FuryOfFirestorm said:

We almost touched a boob once

J-Saurus-Wrecks said:

The Goddamn Batman of Internet Nerdery

WHITE LIGHT Knight said:

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. – Bertrand Russell.

sci-fi-gene.blogspot.com said:

bottomless Internet depravity

SuperOceanLad said:

Putting the Eek in Geek since 1853

RetardedRaven said:

Nerd news that will either make your day, or make you an alcoholic. Cool lists too.

Nostromo’s Second Android said:

In his house in R’lyeh drunk Rob waits blogging

UFkegger said:

Self-Loathing, Humor, and Nerd News

Winners in the next page, not so much for space, but because they deserve to be set apart.

—-

Ready? Much like last week, I didn’t think much about what I was going to be looking for before the contest, but after I selected the winners, it was pretty obvious — the tagline would have to be nerdy (natch), funny, and hopefully indicate that special brand of self-loathing/recognition that nerds are ridiculous-type feeling that Topless Robot specialize in. So without further ado…

Scooter Atreides said:

Giving Our Lunch Money To The Bigger Websites Since 2006

Simple, perhaps a tad obvious, but still perfect. Since Scooter Atreides actually suggested this TR contest, I have to wonder if he had this entry in his pocket the entire time. If so, well done, sir — your nefarious plan was a complete success.

JuggernautClass said:

Where everyone can stand directly beneath the enemy’s scrotum

Transformers movie reference? Check. Implication that we hate the Transformers movie? Check. Nerdy? Obviously. Funny? Well, the word “scrotum” is used, so that’s a big check there. It would take a lot of self-loathing for a nerd site to reference that horrid, horrid moment in that horrid, horrid movie in its tagline, so this entry was an easy winner for me. But not as easy as…

Lincolparadox said:

He who controls the spite, controls the universe!

I know Topless Robot contests don’t do grand prizes; it’s a free shirt or nothing. But let me assure everybody if there was a grand prize winner, Lincolparadox would be it. The current tagline for TR is of course “Nerd news, humor and self-loathing,” which describes the site perfectly, but in an utterly straightforward way. Lincolparadox’s entry also describes TR perfectly, but without actually describing it. It’s brilliant — super-nerdy, funny, clever, and it’s a horrid pun so you know we’re not proud of ourselves. Congratulations, Lincolparadox, as well as the other winners, the Mentions, and everyone who entered. Also, I’m very grateful that only 10% of the entries mentioned my typos and apparent penchant for sucking Joss Whedon’s dick. It was much appreciated.