Pop Culture's 10 Most Evil Trees

By Andy Hughes in Daily Lists, Movies, TV
Tuesday, August 10, 2010 at 8:01 am
5) Possessed Tree, Poltergeist
Is a true evil tree born or made? The tree in the Freeling's yard is just an ordinary old oak (I think) until the night evil spirits decide to make their appearance. Inhabited by said spirits, it bursts into the house, grabs a young boy, and attempts to eat him. Does it have teeth? What exactly happens when you enter a tree's digestive system? Somehow, it doesn't matter. This thing is seriously creepy, and even though it didn't get much screen time or actually eat anybody, that bulky, dark brown, disturbing mouth is one of those things you can't unsee, no matter how hard you try.

4) Every Christmas Tree On Earth, Treevenge
Hell hath no fury, apparently, like a tree wronged. These poor guys are cruelly wrested from their homes, sold to grinning strangers, tortured, humiliated, even sexually assaulted (which can't even be that pleasurable for anyone involved). It's no wonder that when their retaliation comes, it is insanely brutal, going places even Robert Rodriguez hasn't dared. Be warned, it is nothing less than an all-out bloodbath.

3) Old Man Willow, The Lord of the Rings
old man asshole.jpg
I considered putting the Whomping Willow on here, but that tree isn't evil so much as overzealous and a bit misunderstood. In its own violent way, it's just trying to help. This Willow, on the other hand, knows exactly what it's doing, and he doesn't have any real motive for doing so. A classic manipulator, he seduces and lulls his pray to sleep before striking and crushing with his massive roots. The only person who's any good at stopping him is the Brian Blessed-like Tom Bombadil, and even he's fallen victim to him before. As cool as OMW is, he of course has been a bit overshadowed by other aspects of the Tolkien mythos, only managing to snag a bit role in LOTR Online. Oh, wait: there was that shitty non-movie-related Fellowship of the Ring game, but... well... the less said about that, the better.

2) Rape Tree, Evil Dead
This is another example of a tree made evil by outside forces. Not much to say except that this is still one of the most disturbing and controversial horror scenes ever. Ancient demons inhabit the trees of a forest and use them to assault and torment poor Cheryl before finally possessing her too. If you've seen it, you know it belongs here, and if you haven't, you're probably that much more comfortable in the woods at night than the rest of us.

1) This Fucker
kite eating tree.jpg
If you thought Whispy was smug, just check out the smile that appears every time the Kite-Eating Tree gets a new toy to snack on. Unlike other evil trees, there is nothing else to him: he exists solely to deprive a morose child of the meager hope of accomplishing anything in his life. In fact, this tree has no other features or characteristics aside from that big, dumb, soul-destroying mouth. No wonder Charlie Brown is in therapy so often. What a dick.


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