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Yes, I asked for you Topless Roboteers to see if you could manage to get to 1,000 comments (not entries, necessarily, but comments). And yes, you all were cool enough to do that. But then... then you kept going. And going, and going, and going, and holy shit there were 2100 comments in last weekend's TR contest.
And many entries contained more than one haiku (one entry in particular had 250, but we'll get to that), of course. Sure, not every comment contained a haiku or limerick about '80s cartoons, almost all of them were written in haiku anyways. People were having whole conversations -- about the contest, about Smurf sex, about the power of breasts, about anything -- in haiku. It was truly amazing... and totally awful, since I had to read them all.
After trying to ignore the contest all day Tuesday with booze, I finally finished judging the results at about 1:30 am last night. As promised, there will be extra shirts awarded, but be warned -- with so many entries, I had to be insanely picky, or else it would have taken even longer to judge. There's a lot of awesome shit that couldn't make the cut. Also, there's probably some awesome stuff I missed, again, because 2100 entries, dammit. With that caveat, let's start the Honorable Mentioning. (Also, thanks to Greggory for the improved pic!)
Xvi said:
Come on, time to go.The Man With Two Brains said:
Swing your arms from side to side.
Do the Mario!
There was a transformer named 'Potimus' PrimeAbraxas said:
His foe 'Egatro' was a complete ball of slime
Sold him to Jabba the Hutt
Who had him enact smut
And his ass gave Artoo a good time!
a love poem from Panthro to the Thunder Tank:Abraxas went above and beyond in the contest, and then immediately down into the sewers with the filth and depravity. Most of it was horrible things about the Thundercats and Sam and Bumblebee, but there was plenty of haiku about me fucking and getting fucked by a variety of cartoon characters in socially unacceptable ways.
I like to see you lap the miles,
Running over Wollows in piles.
I love the feel of your crankshaft turning,
And the sound of your engine purring
Send my loins reeling, burning.
Bumblebee's front seat
is perfumed by the fragrance
of witwicky ass
WileyKat and Kit were a pair
who carried their incest with flair
they'd do both sixty-nine
and doggy-style fine
and blew snarf like they just didn't care
skrag2112 said:
Do a lot of cokeHachiko said:
And vote for Ronald Reagan
Then watch some Ducktales
Sleek, lithe CheetaraMattK said:
Naked in episode 1.
Where are your nipples?
There once was a decade called 'eighties'Neural Khan said:
With 'toons we would watch straight to Hades.
But now grown up are we
Good times just a mem'ry
And we're no good at all with the ladies
His name is Cobra CommanderDCD said:
With a head like a salamander
He was once a man
Hides his face in a can
So no one will take a gander.
Ma ma ma mask! MASK!The Monkey Machine said:
Tracker will lead the mission
Fly away, lasers
The Ever Living
We keep watch over Third Earth
With sight beyond sight
I'm O.G. Readmore!
This week: Motorcycle Mouse!
Just like last week! Aaaaaah!
Noble Samurai
His legs are a tornado
His pants were destroyed
Okay, fun's over
First the local news at noon
Then time for Soul Train
Back in the day, the 80's some say,Nostromo's Second Android said:
The T.V.'s had knobs and three channels.
On Saturday morn, the screens did adorn,
with cartoons inside those wood panels.
A week of distress, schools,bullies,duress,
At last a moment of bliss.
With characters,plots, some have,some nots,
All wrapped in animations sweet kiss.
From muscle bound clad,and meglomaniacs mad,
To robots,armies and wars.
With whiney voice foes, or undefeatable bros,
And sometimes just one season bores.
Our minds were bent, with full intent,
On selling our parents their plastic.
We learned about greed,and screamed WE NEED,
And imagined our plights so drastic.
Our memories burned, still we turned,
Into adults that remember those ways.
In fondness we recall, and honor it all,
With a T-shirt we wear on Saturdays.
Oh Lord in heavenTrapJaw said:
please forgive sexual thoughts
of striped green stockings.
"Furry nincompoop!"realjcastro said:
"Bungling flea-bitten fool!"
Insides, Beastman cries.
Thunder, a thunder
Ho! An eye shines in the sky,
calling all brave cats.
The dread of robeasts,
a union of great lions.
A blazing sword sings.
Robotech is awesomePaige said:
but I hear the school bus
I always miss the end
Meddling kids foiled theives, ghosts, and plotters.Ace of Knaves said:
Under masks, janitors or old squatters
All save for Scrappy
Who made the show crappy
Plus Don Knotts and the Harlem Globetrotters
Speed and the Mach 5 racked up big wins.
Why are all these damn races through mountains?
Everyone tries to cheat
But they'll soon be beat
When Racer X takes down the assassins.
I watched Ducktales all afternoon long,TechBender said:
and I liked it, don't get me wrong.
But if Scrooge McDuck
was so great why the fuck
can't I remember a thing but the song?
I root for the sorcerer more
in the endless smurf/Gargamel war,
because we mustn't forget
that he made Smurfette:
Everyone's favorite blue whore.
Grimlock not stupid!pumpkinguts said:
Me am strongest Autobot!
Me should be leader!
Richest duck of alloperations said:
Let's swim in my money bin
Reaganomics works!
in the mornings ofGroovyGeekyGirl said:
our lost years behind us all
we were happy then
Not just a rock starMordrun said:
Jem, a business owner too
Truly outrageous.
Rainbow milk in bowlMostlyDifferent said:
Sugar coated nerves run wild
Kungfu action grip
Creepy purple manShgubgub said:
Wants young girl's strawberry pie.
Call Chris Hansen now!
Strange in retrospect
All these 80s cartoon chicks
Seem like lesbians
You have the power.
Yes, you've told us many times.
Keep it in your pants.
You know what they say
About guys who drive big cats
Hey, I'm just sayin
I once met a smurf from Smurf VillageIan said:
Where I was headed to pillage
He said "Smurf Smurfette,
She'll get you wet"
Now their town is drowned with my spillage!
Centurions ruleWolverineBurger said:
Unless villian far from sea
Stupid water guy
Voltron at sunrise -More mentions on the next page.
Cereal: soggy in milk.
Mother says "QUIET!"
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