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Mark Walhburg Is The Crow (If He Wants to Be)


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Mark Wahlberg has been offered the lead in the reboot of The Crow. He hasn’t accepted yet, so it might not happen. Also, I feel I should tell you that I don’t really care about The Crow; I enjoyed the first movie, was bummed it killed Brandon Lee, didn’t care enough to see any of the sequels, and I’ve never owned a copy of the movie or any of the comics. So please understand I have no fan interest when I say:

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. Mark Wahlberg? As The fucking Crow? It’s actually a worse idea than having him star in the Planet of the Apes remake. At least in that there were apes to share screen-time with, as to distract from his incredible leading man blandness. But the only people who star in The Crow is the fucking Crow and the jillion bad guys he kills, so the entire movie is dependent on the leading man’s charisma, OF WHICH MARK WAHLBERG HAS NONE.

Also, Mark Wahlberg is 40 FUCKING YEARS OLD. YOU CAN NOT SELL SHIRTS AT HOT TOPIC WITH MARK WAHLBERG’S 40-YEAR-OLD FACE ON THEM, NO MATTER HOW MUCH CLOWN MAKE-UP YOU PUT ON IT. AND IF YOU’RE NOT SELLING SHIT AT HOT TOPIC THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON TO REMAKE THE CROW. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING. (Via Geeks of Doom)